In the Dark
“Is he here yet, mom?” A pink mare asked as she stared out the window. He hair mane was messy, as she had just woken up.
“I’m in the kitchen, Anthea,” replied a yellow pegasus with a pink mane. “I can’t see from over here. Aren’t you by the window?”
“Mom, you know I can’t see,”Anthea said with a small giggle. “Well… I can see colors but that doesn’t help much when they’re just blurs mashed together.”
“I know, sweetheart. I’m just playing with you,” her mother, Fluttershy, said letting out a giggle of her own. She was so glad she adopted such a positive pony. Anthea, otherwise known as Annie, was always happy all the time and incredibly understanding. It made it very easy for Fluttershy to communicate and bond with her. “He won’t be here for at least a few more minutes. Why don’t you go brush your hair?”
Anthea groaned. She’d been waiting for this day for a long time. It was the day that her new coltfriend, Turquoise Blitz, would be spending the whole day with her. They’d spent plenty of time together before but it was different this time. This time they’d be together as an official couple.
“But what if he comes while I’m brushing my hair?” She pouted. “I don’t want to miss a second with him.” Fluttershy giggled.
“Oh Annie, I don’t think a minute or two will make a–”
“He’s here!” Annie shouted noticing a large green blur walking over to their cottage. Fluttershy heard her daughter stumble around in the living room and rush into the wall to help guide herself to the door. “Wait! My mane! I probably look like a mess! Do I look like a mess?”
Fluttershy peaked in from the other room to look at her daughter. Fluttershy had to hold back a laugh as she looked at the teenage mare. She had bedhead, her mane was frizzing out in every which direction and she still had lines on her face from the sheets on her bed.
“I think you look fine, sweetie,” Fluttershy politely responded.
“Good!” Annie shouted. She hurried over to the door and quickly opened it.
Standing right in the doorway, arm still in the air getting ready to knock was Turquoise Blitz. He was a very large, light green stallion with a spikey dark green mane. He wasn’t just any normal pony though. He was only half a pony. His other half gave him very unique characteristics such as a long, lizard-like tail, claws, scales and wings that looked like those of a bat. This was no surprise since his mother was a pony and his father was a dragon.
“Oh, hi Annie,” he said.
“Hi, T! Come in!” She said moving out of the doorway to let him inside.
“Hello, Turquoise!” Fluttershy said from the kitchen.
“Good morning Ms. Fluttershy,” he said in a gentlemanly manner before looking over to his marefriend who was smiling at him. “Did you just wake up?”
“Mmhm. Why?” Annie asked.
“Well, your mane isn’t really… in its usual style…” he said in the nicest way possible.
“What? Mom! You told it was fine!” Annie said covering her head.
“I told you to brush it,” Fluttershy said in a sing-songy voice. Annie just groaned. T smiled at how adorable she was when she was flustered. After watching her suffer just the right amount of embarrassment, he pulled her hooves away from her head and ran his claws through her mane. Annie blushed as he gently brushed her hair.
“All better!” He said proudly.
“Thanks, T.” Annie blushed still, looking up at her big green blur of a coltfriend.
“No problem,” he replied. So what do you wanna do today?”
“We could do anything! It seems like it’s gonna be a really nice day.”
“Alright. I guess we could go walk over to the lake for a while. Then we could do whatever we want after,” T suggested.
“Yeah! That sounds great,” Annie said excitedly. She sat up and wrapped her hooves around the dragon-pony. “Oh, this is gonna be such a great day!”
***
It was a great day. Anthea and T spent most of the day just enjoying each other’s company and having fun. Unfortunately, the fun was cut a little short as the weather suddenly became overcast. It seemed as if a thunderstorm was approaching.
Not wanting to get caught up in the storm, T walked Anthea, much to her dismay. However, T made it up by spending the rest of the day with her at home. They talked, and played games and T even helped her get some chores done. It still ended up being a great day.
“Well I suppose I better get going now,” T said. “It’s getting pretty late and it looks like that storm is getting worse.”
“Awwww. Okay…” Annie said greatly disappointed that he needed to leave. “Sorry we didn’t get to do some more fun things than chores.”
“It’s okay. I still had a lot of fun being with you,” T reassured her earning a little smile from the pink unicorn.
“You be safe on your way back home, T, okay? This storm doesn’t seem like it’s going to let up,” Fluttershy told him in a worried tone.
“Don’t worry Ms. Fluttershy, I–”
CRASH
T was interrupted by the sound of thunder. Anthea covered her sensitive ears and let out a small whimper.
“Oh my, it appears it’s too late,” Fluttershy said observing the sky from the window. “T, I can’t have you walking all the way back to Carousel Boutique in this weather. It’s much too dangerous.”
“It’s alright I can–”
CRASH
T was stopped once more by the thunder.
“How about you sleep over tonight?” Fluttershy said as more of a statement rather than a question.
“I don’t want to take up too much space,” T said. “It looks like the animals will need it.” It was true. All of Fluttershy’s animals were crowded in the living room also seeking shelter from the storm
“Oh my, you’re right. Hm, where are you going to sleep?” Fluttershy said, trying to come up with solutions in her head. “Maybe you could–”
“You could sleep in my room!” Annie shouted. T and Fluttershy both stared at her in surprise.
“I um… I’m not sure about that honey….” Fluttershy said hesitantly. She trusted her daughter as well as Turquoise, but the books she’d read on how to raise teenage mares and teenage stallions’ raging hormones, scared her.
“We have an extra mattress, mom. We could just set it up in my room. There’s plenty of space!”
“Um............” Fluttershy desperately tried to come up with an alternate solution but to no avail. “I suppose that would be alright.”
“Yay! C’mon, T! Let’s go set up the mattress. You can sleep right next to–”
“NO!” Fluttershy shouted, slightly louder than she would have liked. The two adolescents looked at her in horror. Fluttershy cleared her throat and continued. “I mean, don’t worry about it. You two just relax down here and I’ll set up T’s bed.”
“Oh, okay! Thanks mom!” Annie said happily. Fluttershy let out a relieved sigh. Crisis averted.
***
Later that stormy night, Anthea crawled over into her bed, exhausted from the day. T did the same, carefully lying down as to not break the rather small mattress, which was in the very corner of the room, as far as it could possibly be from Annie’s bed.
“Thanks for letting me sleep in your room, Annie,” T said still trying to get comfortable. “Not sure if I’d get any sleep if I had to be in the same room with all the animals.
“No problem! It’s actually really nice to have somepony in here with me. It gets a bit lonely,” she said with smile.
“Glad I could help then. Well, we better get some sleep. Hopefully the storm’ll pass and we can do some of those other things we were supposed to do today,” T said returning the smile.
“Really? I’d love that,” Annie spoke dreamily.
“Of course,” he replied. “Well, goodnight!”
“Goodnight.”
“Oh, wait, forgot to turn out the light,” T said as he got up from his mattress. He walked over to Anthea and blew out the candle sitting on the desk by her bed.
Annie’s heart dropped in an instant. She forgot to tell T that she always slept with some kind of light source. She forgot to tell T that she was terrified of the dark.
Though she was legally blind, she was still able to see colors thanks to the unicorn magic circulating through her body. The blurs and blobs of color gave her comfort and she was grateful for them. But in the dark, all those colors melted into one single color. Black. She couldn’t see a thing. And that was her worst fear. Being completely blind.
She shook in her bed unsure of what to do. I can’t turn the light back on. She thought. Then T wouldn’t be able to sleep. Plus it’s such a silly fear. Being afraid of the dark. He’ll think I’m just some helpless little filly. But I–
Her thoughts were interrupted as a flash of bright, white light filled the entire room. Annie covered face as it burned her damaged eyes. Then...
CRASH
The loud sound of thunder rang in her ears, whose hearing was heighted to make up for her blindness. She let out a small squeak and covered her hooves with her ears. This happened again, and again, and again. She could hardly take it any more.
“No, no, no, no, no, no...” she murmured almost silently. “Stop, please” Tears began to form in her eyes. Then, she felt something on her shoulder.
“Annie?” Asked a familiar voice, filled with concern.
“T,” she said shakily. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just–“
“It’s okay, he said running his claws through her mane. “Are you scared?”
Annie really didn’t want to answer that. It was embarrassing. Being scared of the dark was a fear that she should have conquered years ago. But she didn’t want to lie to him either. He didn’t deserve that.
She finally nodded in reply. Instantly she heard T sit down. He placed his head down by hers and continued stroking her mane. She felt the tension in her body fade away.
“It’s alright to be scared,” he said. “Would you like me to turn the light on again?”
Another bolt of lightning stuck and the deafening sound of thunder invaded her ears. She let out a whimper tensed up again. T quickly stood up and crawled higher onto Annie’s bed and pulled her into a tight hug.
“Something tells me the light won’t help much in this case,” T said quietly.
“Probably not,” Annie said forcing out a small laugh. There was a long pause. “T, do you think you could stay right here?”
“Of course,” he said with a calm smile. He moved closer to her shifting his wings over her shaking body and brushing her back with his long tail. “You don’t think you’re mom’ll be mad if she catches us like this, do you? She made it pretty clear that she wanted me as far as possible from you.”
Annie let out a small giggle at the statement. She moved closer to T as well and pressed her face in his chest with a relieved sigh. “I think she’d understand. She was just a little scared is all.”
“Annie?”
“Mmhm?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were scared of the dark?” He asked.
“I just... I just thought it was something you didn’t need to know,” she answered quietly. “I didn’t want you to think I was completely helpless.”
“I could never think that,” T said. “Being scared of the dark doesn’t make you helpless. Being terrified of even the tiniest bit blood might though.”
“You’re scared of blood?” Annie asked, looking up at T.
“The tiniest bit. I feel like that makes me a bit less of a dragon,” he said with a chuckle.
“I don’t think so. It just makes you more adorable,” Annie said, hugging him tighter.
“Thanks,” he replied.
They lay in Anthea’s bed awake, just enjoying each other’s embrace. Annie listened to the steady beat of T’s heart as she felt her own heartbeat returning to normal after all the thunder and lighting, which was still going on. She also noticed how warm he was. Must be the dragon in him, Annie thought to herself. She liked it. It was very comfortable. So comfortable that she found herself falling asleep even though the storm continued. Even though it was dark.
***
The next morning was quiet and calm. All that could be heard was the remainder of raindrops dripping off the roof of the house. That, and the loud snoring of a dragon-pony hybrid. Anthea, who was still cuddled up by the green giant, laughed at the funny noises he was making. She gave him a little kiss on the chin causing him to grin in his sleep.
“So cute,” Annie said to herself.
“Anthea? Are you awake?” Called her mother from downstairs.
Annie was about to answer but before she could, T rolled over on top of the tiny unicorn, squashing her completely into the mattress of her bed. She squeaked as she felt a large amount of weight on her chest.
“Annie?” Fluttershy called again.
“Ah, just a minute!” Annie grunted. “T! Get off of me!”
Anthea began working up a sweat lifting T off of her chest. His body heat wasn’t helping. She tried pushing him away but he fell right back on top of her. She began panting as he continued working hard to move the giant green mass off of her body and gasped for air after each time he collapsed on her again.
“Mmph! Turquoise!” Annie shouted. T finally opened his eyes slightly.
“Wha?” he said still in a daze.
“What’s going on up here?” Fluttershy asked, peeking in the room but immediately regretting her choice. Her face became completely red at the sight she saw.
Her sweaty, messy haired daughter. In bed. Breathing heavily. Under her coltfriend.
T turned his head around slowly, Annie still underneath him. “Good morning, Ms. Fluttershy,” he said with a big, dopey grin on his face.
He looked at the yellow pegasus’s facial expression carefully though, he couldn’t read it very well. It was a mixture of horror, embarrassment, worry and even the slightest hint of anger.
“Is something wrong?” He asked innocently.
“MOM! I CAN EXPLAIN!”
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This story was absolutely adorable...right up to that last line that was absolutely hilarious! Only thing that might have topped it is if Anthea shouted, "It's not what it looks like!"
Silly and sweet, as expected. Your spelling and grammar are pretty shoddy, showing a lack of real polish and professionalism. You wrote this on a whim based on the idea and the picture, and there is nothing really wrong with that, but it is like drawing a picture without doing any line art and with no references. It is good for what it is, but it comes off looking incredibly sloppy.
Sorry, I have to review as a writer. It's just what my nature is.
Characterization wise, Fluttershy seems to be acting perfectly fine according to canon. Since the other two characters are of your own design, all I can say in that regard is that they act consistent to their established personalities, and there isn't any conflicting information.
As a storytelling escapade, it seems a bit shallow. It's an exploration of fears, yes, but there is so much spoken when it didn't need to be. It felt like a very telly and preachy story, instead of painting a picture for us. While dialogue is important, sometimes it is much more potent for a scene to say nothing at all.
But you already knew that, didn't you?
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2014/174/c/9/kissy_by_kilala97-d7nlcyl.jpg
Anyway. I did enjoy reading the story, despite the literary flaws present. I can't rightly recommend it as something for someone to read as a story, but it is certainly a nice look inside your head for how you view these characters. I'd recommend it to fans of your art, but I couldn't see this as being what helps someone who has never seen your work to become a fan.
-Lumino
5117154 Thanks for the feedback
All your points are spot on. I love dialogues. You probably know that already 
So I certainly need to work on NOT doing them as much. I tend to be very telly in anything I write (even essays) as well as be really repetitive which I could probably fix by just studying a thesaurus. I'm really hoping my writing class will actually teach me something this year as I really feel like I haven't learned anything from earlier classes for a while, sadly.
And this was definitely intended for my current followers. Most of the stuff I do is for them which is why I hang around dA most of the time. Still, it's no excuse to not make an engaging story. So, I shall take all this advice and keep it in mind for the next time I write something :D
Thanks again!
5117216
There is no nice way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. I wasn't specific with my critique because I didn't think writing was something you were going to focus on. XD
If it is your intent to improve with it, I will do so. Out of time for the next few days, but I'll put up a more in depth look as soon as I can.
-Lumino
So cute.
Also congrats on getting Featured.
Funny and cute!
I love it when you write because we can take it as canon!
Either you meant "it", or you have a really high opinion of yourself
Anywho, this story was adorable! I love these guys so much. And the ending was ridiculous amounts of hilarious. XP
Ermagerd, next-gen ponies stories! Must read!
That, was the cutest thing I've ever heard. Like, adorable doesn't even give it justice.
That was just too cute. ^.^
I'd hate to be in that position. I'd also hate it if my girlfriends parents thought I was trying to do something that they don't approve of.
Very good! While there are a couple of grammatical errors, you still captured every single emotions, even as they changed throughout the story. 8/10
Sweet story. I loved the ending. I think you did a great job.
So amazing
Lovey dear 
Great ending, loved the story. Any chance at follow ups?
A pony-dragon hybrid that lives in Carousel Boutique? Ya did it spike!
Good to have you back with another adorable story!
The strongest part about this was the ending, which made me laugh.
The biggest flaw in this piece was the telling; there were several moments where we were told things which ended up parsing awkwardly. For instance:
This is very telly, and not in a good way. This is important because it is about how the characters felt about each other and how they enjoyed each others' company, but we're simply told this outright. There are better ways of communicating this with the audience than merely saying things like "It was a great day." Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but it didn't really "sell" it to us.
There are ways of having this feel more natural and showing us that they had fun together. Having the characters act in a friendly/happy manner on their return, despite their day being cut short, would be one possibility. Dialogue and behavior can go a long way towards selling this sort of thing.
Bad Horse noted the primary rules of telling:
I think that more or less sums up why some of this is a bit weak; telling us that it was a great day and they had fun together is more or less directly telling us how to feel, because we're meant to identify with Anthea here and feel some of her excitement about spending the day with her favorite blur.
This idea may not be appealing to you because you may want to keep the a character's bio as general as possible without putting the character on a magnifying glass on what's consider "cannon" because subsequent stories written afterwards that don't fall into that "guidelines of the cannon" would get criticized for it (Not calling him out or anything but as an example how LuminoZero points out that your depiction of Fluttershy falls into canon is a perfect example of this) BUT I think you should write more stories because despite the apparent lack of refined writing skills that you have yet to acquire I think it's very interesting to see what your take on the character are as the creator of this fandom/universe.
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words and while we do have a general sense of the way a character is through your beautiful art I think it would be great to if you characterize your characters in greater detail through the stories you write.
Love the story so much! It's so cute
can you make a squeal please 
Moar! Pwease???
>Kilala made a fic
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/520/361/aa0.gif
I did not see that coming
Meh, sweet but had too many errors for me to like.
Also, nice ponies, but the bios are kind of over-the-top. Giving the reader everything up front makes storytelling pretty darn boring, especially since they don't really have to connect to the characters. Allowing the readers to delve in, ready or not, and experience the character's dialogue and actions blindly gives a sense of realism and has them connecting more because they can see their own reactions embodied in them and identify with them better.
Still, nice to see you building a world and might delve back in sometime in the future.
Feedback, huh? Well, the storytelling dialogue is mostly fine. You do tell much more than you show, however - you explain things rather than describing them. This makes your writing seem kinda plain, technical and distant. It also makes your exposition very obvious.
That is a pretty typical problem for beginners, though, so if you don't have a lot of experience writing prose, that's understandable. Just something you might want to work on. Over-all, you did pretty well.
One thing I would recommend is cutting down on the nicknames a bit when you're not writing dialogue. Just like how we don't refer to Applejack as "AJ" except for when her friends are addressing her, you'd probably be better off referring to Turquoise and Anthea by their proper names.
Kilala! *hug*
Glad to see another story from this lovely 'verse of yours.
I'm a bit of a new fan and didn't know you wrote. I couldn't be further from disappointed!
I do wish you had played more on Annie's blindness, like you did at the start with her using the wall to navigate the room. Please feel confident to do more!
Hey Kilala! I put this on my "Watch Later" list because I'm studying for midterms right now, but I wanted to let you know that if you ever need anyone to proof read your work, I'm always open to it!
5120568 Thanks for the advice and thanks for reading :D
As for the bios, I've been developing those since last year. Because I wasn't planning on writing much at all, I just made up a ton of information for them right away and as the months passed, I did drawings of them that developed them further and added on to their personality more and more. So much so that they all have the tiniest of quirks and have certain ways that they interact with different ponies. The purpose of this was to give as much information as possible while leaving some big parts out about their backstories and some relationships so other people could be inspired. I do think I did get a bit excited from all the attention they were getting though. That made me develop the bios even more
5120703 Thanks for the feedback! 'Tis greatly appreciated.
That's a definite problem for me. Being "telly". I rely heavily on dialogue, which is really easy to see when you look at some of my artwork on my deviantART, and I tend to just want to get to what the characters are saying. Character interaction is my favorite part to see whether it's in a cartoon or in a book and I think that's reflected in my writing. I forget to set the scene and describe.
Anyways, thanks for pointing those things out! I'll definitely be using those tips to improve :D
5121659
Understandable. Characterization and dialogue is my specialty as well. Descriptive language isn't something you'd pick up doing comics and fanart, anyway - in writing you have to learn how to paint with words instead. It's a skill you refine with practice, like most artistic expressions.
You have some solid basic skills, though, so I'm sure you'll get the hang of it soon enough.
5118682 In kilalaverse there are two Spike's children with rarity...
You made it a bit too short. You skipped too much to make it intresting. There are such tings as fillers for a reason.
One way or another - I insanely enjoyed this even with it's unperfectness...Now make something with Tindra, kiala, my fellow!
5117154
And I agree with what Lumino said!
All I can say is, in a relatively short amount of time, the best way to improve is to read books. A lot of books. Which is probably impossible. So I suggest audiobooks. Audiobooks are awesome sauce.
I didn't see anything wrong with this story. Overall I thought you did a pretty good job. Having to picture the whole situation at the end and the look of horror on Fluttershy's face was priceless. I hope you keep writing.
whel that was ambarresing
omg! soooo funny!
few grammatical errors here and there, but over all, I really enjoyed this story!
That was hysterical. Poor Fluttershy.
and I was blushing through out that story, hope more will show in the future.
That was adorbssssssss.
so freaking adorbs
YOU SEE, THIS is why I don't get how people can .... ACCEPT Tidra! AnT is much more adorable and Nidra is a betch.
>>EllyCoo People just like Tidra you gotta accept it like you like cotton and Prism, I don't ship them, but there cute.
5509444 I can't accept it, AnT shines over it with its cuteness xD
5518293 lol
can I pleeeeeeease
do a sequel????
Haha! Very cute!
It's NOT what it looks like! I swear.
Oh, I love it!
Annie: MOM! I SWEAR WE WERN-
(Fluttershy falls to the ground)
T: Uh oh...
Me: Well S**t.