Trouble at the Finish Line

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Happy Birthday, Twilight!

In a flash of light, Twilight Sparkle materialized on the confetti-strewn floor of Sugarcube Corner.

"—gotten!" She gasped. A blink. She looked around, and then her body slumped with drooping ears. "Awwww... it's over."

"Twilight!" Rarity looked up from a basket of socks she was darning. With a happy smirk, she got up and trotted across the nightlight windows. "You're back! At last! Wellllll?" She leaned in, smiling. "How was itttt?"

"I..." Twilight pawed at the floor, shuddering. "I really... really liked it." She gulped and looked up with a tender smile, blushing slightly. "I liked it so much, I-I didn't want it to end!"

"Well, that's the magic about... erm... m-magic comic books, darling!" Rarity rested a hoof on the alicorn's shoulder. "You can repeat the experience any time you wish! With multiple variables to the narrative, even!"

"Oh yeah!" Twilight blinked back at the book. "That's true! Wow, Rarity. Do you know how to give a gift or do you know how to give a gift?!"

"Hmmmm..." Rarity smiled with a delightful shudder. "I try not to brag."

"Horseapples!" Twilight gasped, blinking out the empty eatery's windows. "It's super late! When did the party end?"

"About thirty minutes after you indulged us by hopping into the book."

"Yes, but how long ago from now?" Twilight winced with guilt. "And just how long have you been here... waiting?"

"Never you mind!" Rarity tilted her nose up. "You're the birthday girl! You're entitled!"

"Awwwwwww..." Twilight squirmed, giggling as her party hat slumped down until it looked like a second horn. "Rarityyyyy..."

"Nuh uh uh! None of that! However, I would like to know what you thought about the gift!"

"I already told you!" Twilight practically hopped in place. "I loved it."

"I desire specifics, dear," Rarity said with a grin. "Applejack and Rainbow Dash did work overnight to make it the way it was, after all."

"Oh yeah! That's right!" Twilight blinked. "Gosh, I was going to say. They looked really, really tired at the party earlier this afternoon. Heehee!"

"Mmm... yes... well..." Rarity cleared her throat. "Nevertheless, entertain a lady, why don't you? Tell me your thoughts!"

"Oh... it was utterly fantastic!" Twlight paced in a circle, her face beaming with fresh enthusiasm. "The space battles! The explosive moments! The dramatic moments! Ravashin' Prism's toys and Astro Dust's backstory! It felt so rich and yet so riveting at the same time! From the first battle with the Goblin Gauntlet to the duel with Ebon Soul!"

"Ahhh... I see..." Rarity nodded, smiling. "So, no flaws, then?"

"Absolutely none!" Twilight smiled. A blink. "Er... well..."

Rarity leaned forward. "What?"

"Heh—nah..." Twilight chuckled, waving a hoof. "Forget I said anything—"

"Tell me!" Rarity took a bold step. "If there's something wrong with it, I want to know!"

"It was perfect, Rarity!"

"No, Twilight, I insist!" She smiled. "I have plenty of bits from my last contract and the commission artist at Quills and Sofas is still on hold! I can make the alterations if I need to!"

"Well..." Twilight Sparkle tapped her hooves together, blushing bashfully. "If... if it's n-not too much?"

"Name it, darling." Rarity grinned. "Just what would you improve about it?"

"The ending was just so satisfying... except for one thing!" Twilight spun about, forelimbs spread wide. "Ravishin' Prism and Astro Dust!"

"... ... ..." Rarity blinked, her muzzle locked in a smile. "...what about them?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Isn't what obvious?"

"They love each other, Rarity!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed. "They should have—I dunno—kissed or made out or at least nuzzled each other right at the end!"

"Right..." Rarity's left eye twitched. "...at the e-end?"

"Now I can't go to sleep tonight without wondering about the two mares!" Twilight squirmed in place. "Do they ever express their love to one another? Do they ever consummate?!"

"It... you... th-they..." Rarity gurgled, teetering backwards.

"I'm telling you—the only thing that story needed was a romantic sub-plot!" Twilight couldn't hear Rarity's fainting noise from the sound of her own gasps. "Oooh! What if... hee-hee... what if I wrote my own Ravishin' Prism and Astro Dust fan script?! Would Ravidust literature be considered an infringement on a commissioned magical comic book?" Silence. Twilight spun about, smiling innocently. "...Rarity?"

Comments

[Idsertian]

I like how you submit this on the last day of the AppleDash contest, skirts. Trying to worry the rest of us? We all know you'd win hands down if you entered.

Unless... you are entering. Eek.

[T-MS]

Wonderful

[TwilightUCrazy]

Somebody likes the magic comic book concept.

Happy writing!
-TUC

[Pilate]

[Ri2]

…FUCK YOU TWILIGHT

[silverspawn]

sex? I'm not sure what to think about this. I thought I wouldn't see this tag until another #1 april.

but it's also rated teen, so I assume it's only referenced?

[FloydienSlip]

This is the greatest thing. Well done, Skirts, had me laughing throughout.

[EricStarstorm]

God damn it skirts, you've done it again. The hilariously over-the-top first chapter draws you in, and then you just keep reading because you have to know how this ends. You've made a masterpiece here, and you should be proud.

Exploder swords are my new favorite thing.

[shynight]

Damn it, Twilight, you broke Rarity. Don't you know breaking ponies is Pinkie's job?

[AJ Aficionado]

You know you've arrived as a writer when you get to write a story about characters writing stories, and no one gives you hell over it.

[silverspawn]

I... really can't see AJ and Rainbow just being okay with Rarity's punishment. I also can't see Rarity doing this. I guess that should be fine, because it's comedy? mh. It kind of bothers me. I'm not that huge on this story, all things considered. It was really funny though.

[20 Percent More Brony]

5118183
You aren't the only one it bothers. Forcing AJ and RD to have sex with each other, no matter how much they might desire each other, is rape. And that is not okay, and it should not be presented as okay.

I liked the rest of the story a lot though.

[Cinnamon Sketch]

Love love loved it! Also, Rarity has failed.

[pahnazd]

Oh Twilight

[silverspawn]

5119488
yes, you know, sometimes it's weird to see things as they are. here we have SSE, a thirty year old genius, putting out a pony story, which is not even rated mature, that contains rape, and noone has a problem with it. I mean, it has 5 dislikes. and there are some people who dislike everything he puts out, so there was probably not a single person who read the story and disliked it because it contains rape. and you would think rape is a bad thing. well we don't have a character raping another, but instead one character forcing a second character to have sex with a third character, but it's still rape.

if we stop and take this completely seriously, we have said characters being forced to have sex for the ludicrously long time spawn of one entire day, that is literally 24 consequent hours, which, even given that they are close friends and might or might not have enjoyed themselves in the process, could likely be an event that drastically changes both of their lives. have they been virgins before? well, probably not. there is no consensus on how old the main6 are, opinions differ from 15 to 23+, but as it happens, Pinkie actually mentions in a very subtle way that she's not a virgin in EoP. Different universe, sure, but it says stuff about SSE's interpretation of the main6. and I think she also says that she's 23 or something, though that might have been a different story. Maybe BGP. In any case, they probably weren't virgins here. Or, if they were virgins at the beginning of the story, they sure as hey aren't now

If you were to assume that they are in fact fifteen, which is not at all absurd, the idea of rape becomes even worse. or, you know, if they are even younger, who said that fifteen is the lowest possible age? but even if they are 25, none of that changes the fact that the act of an act of rape that also lasts for over twenty hours is a crime of so monstrous measures that you don't even want to think about it long, and it continues to fit worse and worse into a story of poni poni poni comedy the longer I think about it. And I happen to have this itching feet that doesn't allow me to sleep at 5am, so I thought about it a bunch.

in the Austraeoh series, people were complaining about every single mention of romance with an admirable passion, and there is (spoilers) a hauntingly beautiful scene at the end of the first arc, a short act of mutual romance that doesn't go beyond a simple kiss, which people were tearing apart in the comments; in the context of a story with a semi dark setting. here we have a scene of rape in a comedy setting, and... that's fine . well the actual reason why noone cares has to be that most people don't actually take it for what it is. your comment even got a dislike, which has to be for the mention of rape, making it all the more hilarious that the story who contains said rape most likely didn't get a dislike by that same person. Well I didn't dislike it either, after all it's just... rape? often considered to be the worst crime on earth? meh, people are exaggerating it anyway. rape has never been as bad as murder.

okay, so, I think SSE has given us enough to be generous with this misstep... if you want to call it that. At least I'll be willing to overlook it. it's fine. but we still shouldn't ignore the fact that you nailed it for what it is. which is, in fact, rape. rape. raaape. raperaperaperaperaperape... rapy?

well, it is, in any case, hilarious that he does a story which contains rape and I of all people am the only one who cares about it. or, at least the only one who bothers to write about it.

but in all seriousness, it should probably not be rated teen.

[Lightning Bearer]

Y'know, it's always bugged me that there haven't been more enchanted comics stories. It seems like there would be so many possibilities, and this is a fine example. I loved the take on the various genres, as well as the bit with Twilight at the end. Very cute, and very funny.

And for what it's worth, calling what happened in this story "rape" seems like a stretch to me. *shrugs*

[Reiku]

This was a truly delightful read, I haven't read anything quite like it! It rekindled my interest in Appledash, despite normally being apathetic to it. Bravo~

[The Yaoi Mistress]

Jajajajajaja!!!!! who would have guessed. RD and AJ were right about the subplot!

[Themaskedferret]

You mad bastard you.

[Akouma]

That ending man, too perfect. I'm just really glad I haven't had people telling me my story should include a romance sub-plot.

[Darth Sparkle]

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA! this whole fic was about AJ and RD's 'sub-plot'! gahhh the puns! THE PUNS!

[BabySkittleMonster]

... I hate you, SSE. Every time I decide to read a story, I dread it ending and yet I needto see the ending. How could you do this to your readers? It's evil, breaking people. Why can't you write mediocre stories so I don't feel so involved? Anyway, excellent job as usual. I still don't understand how you can make the most common of gestures into a tear-jerking scene or the most vile of crimes into a hilarious situation, but I guess that's just how you are. You should be an author outside of fanfiction (if you aren't already)- I bet you'd earn loads.

[Tetrikitty]

Romance is probably one level higher on the story hierarchy of needs than having fleshed out characters, or something.

[Ri2]

5338727 What he already is, of course. A slave.

[yamgoth]

Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nancy didn't come back at the end!

Oh, and this whole story was some sort of commentary on story weaving. Sure. Morals were something about personal tastes. To each their own(?)

Nancy gone done bit it

[RoboRed]

And then Rarity's head exploded. *pffft*
Well, no vengeance at all, but that was still a great end.

[OmniFox]

[BlueMoonHarlot]

FA LA LA LA LA-

[daOtterGuy]

This is so wonderfully pulpy. An absolute blast from start to finish with a ridiculous start and conclusion. It was a wild ride all the way through and super fun. So glad I finally got to reading this one. Thanks for the fic~!