Trouble at the Finish Line

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Space Prism and Lavender Light Take On the Galactic Goblins!

Pew Pew!

Kerrrr—ZAP!

Flashes of wicked cool death light pulse off the Galactic Glider's hull in awesome neon explosions! Unfazed by the evil onslaught of the goblin gauntlet, the Lavender Lazer keeps hurling forward on her cadmium craft, twirling so quickly past the banal barrage of energy blasts that the stars of outer space go all swirly'n'stuff!

"Mmmfnngh!" Rarity hisses into her glossy helmet while steering the craft forward past all the cosmic flak. "Well, she certainly loves her alliteration." Ph-Pham! Pow! "Among other things."

The Lavender Lazer is only late because of the unexpected ambush that held her back at Equestrianonica Prime! But now, with that over with, she rockets her way towards the rendezvous destination without a second to spare! She secretly punishes herself inside for not being as fast as her awesome and dashing mentor, Space Prism, but then she remembers all of the radical training Space Prism put her through in the Danger Sphere!

"There are three rules to being a Space Cadet, L-Squared!" speaks an echoing voice from beyond Lavender's glossy smooth helmet.

"Oooh!" Rarity coos, leveling out the glider in time to see a translucent blue equine face smiling at her from beyond. "Integrated dialogue flashbacks! Quite a nice touch, indeed, Rainbow Dash..."

The ghostly apparition keeps up with Lavender Lazer's starflight, bearing a devilish smirk. "Rule Number One: Always keep your helmet on tight. Rule Number Two: Let me look before you leap. And Rule Number Three: Loyalty is way more trustworthy than a space blaster.'"

"Hmmmm..." Rarity smiles. "I rather like that—"

Just as the words of her mentor fade from her mind, Lavender Lazer finds herself reaching the phalanx of super-evil goblin cannons! POW! P-POW! BLAM!

"Good heavens!" Rarity wheezes as she steers madly to avoid the energy blasts. "Pacing, Rainbow. Pacing!"

The space grunts' barrage is relentless, but Lavender Lazer—true to her name—is too freakin' fast for them! She spins straight through the blockade like an indigo streak of badflankery and adorkableness! Wreeeeeeeeeeeee-Sw-Sw-Swish! And—thinking on her manabeams like the clever sidekick she is, she unleashes a crapton of big flippin' space mines just as she passes those jacked up pirate punks!

"Space m-mines?!" Rarity stammers. "How on earth do I—?" Rarity sees a big flashing "MINES" button between the handles of her craft. "Oh. Eheh. Let's not insult Twilight's intelligence now, Rainbow darling." Nevertheless, she slaps a plugsuited hoof over the flickering icon.

Cl-Clakka! A tiny weapons compartment underneath the Galactic Glider hisses open to the vacuum of space, spitting out oodles of big honkin' space grenades. Think rotten goose eggs, only filled with antimatter and dragonblood.

Ka-Booooooooom! Yeah.... The explosion is the largest so far. It's like if you took all of the big blasts from the previous two acts of this adventure and compressed them into a balloon and then poured gasoline all over it and then lit a match. It's so big and bright that it makes all of the stars of the universe twinkle as if they're jealous of just how awesomely big and explodey this one bang is. But, like, it doesn't affect Lavender Lazer any! She just rockets on through all that noise, and once the galactic goblin gauntlet has been totally blown to space debris, she makes a clean getaway to the Maniacal Mare Moon. Once in orbit of the big friggin' rock, she receives a transmission from none other than—

"Spaaaaaaaaace Prismmmmm! Dun dun dunnnnn" And—shoooooooooooooooooom—she roars in from hyperspace in her sweet super slick blue rocket suit creating several sonic rainbooms in a row and just making space all not-boring n'stuff. When she screeches to a hovering halt in front of Lavender Lazer and her Galactic Glider, she spreads her adamantium wings—still all glowy-blue with cyber juice and sci-fi spunk. Y'know, the good stuff. Oh, and she's smirking too. Lavender Lazer can totally see her glinting teeth through the translucent blue plexiglass of her curved pony helmet. "Whazzzzzup?!"

Lavender Lazer reports in like the good, loyal sidekick she is.

Rarity simply hovers there, blinking at Space Prism's entrance. "... ... ..."

Lavender Lazer reports in like the goo—

"Oh! That's Twilight's cue! Ahem." Rarity hovers closer on the Galactic Glider. "Uhhhh... Space Prism! It is so divinely good to see you! I... uh... j-just survived a most harrowing encounter with our dreaded foes, the galactic goblins! I hope I'm not too late!"

"You're always late, Lavender Lazer!" Space Prism speaks in a low, heroic voice. Because she's the hero n'all. Space hero. "But nopony can blame you! You are only Space Prism's sidekick, after all! Hue Hue Hue!" She strikes a wicked cool pose, like the schoolfilly warriors in one of Spike's many Japoneighs art books that he pretends nopony knows he hides under his bed. "But the galactic goblins were merely lackeys to the actual threat!"

"And who is that threat, Space Prism?" Rarity asks, smiling with sparkling eyes.

"Why—none other than..." Schiiiiiing! Ker-SPARKLE! "Astrojack: Destroyer of Fun and Worlds! But mostly just worlds!"

"Eee-eeee!" Rarity squee'd, doing a tiny unicorn jig on the Galactic Glider. "Oh, how deliciously exciting! Well done, Rainbow! Twilight is simply going to love—"

"Aaaaaaand..." Fwooooosh! Space Prism points harshly at the moon. Snap! "THERE! In the molten core of the Maniacal Mare Moon, shall we find her evil lair!" FWOOOOOSH! Her awesome rocket thrusters start burning really bright and hot. "Come quick, loyal Lavender Lazer! It's time for us to take out the trash! The space trash!"

"Lead the way, oh stalwart leader!" Rarity shouts into her helmet.

"Gravity can go soak its fat head!" Space Prism's voice echoes across the cosmos as she takes the first plunge. Lavender Lazer struggles to keep up, and it's kind of a smooth dive at first. But as soon as they reach the gravel-laden desolate plains of the icy moon, all Tartarus breaks out.

"Erm... what does she mean by 'all Tatarus breaks out?'" Rarity mumbles.

A whole bunch of goblin dreadnaughts burst out of metal tunnels and start filling the thin atmosphere with super slicey death lasers.

"Oh, here we go—" Rarity is already cringing—

PHAAAP!

ZAAAAP!

PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW!

Bzzzzzzt!

Ka-ZOWIE!

"Nnnngh!" Rarity grits her teeth while barreling like mad through the barrage of energy blasts. "C-care to tone it down a notch, Rainbow?!"

"Fear not, loyal sidekick!" Space Prism strafes into view, her suit on fire from sheer friction. "I've fought bigger armadas like this in my sleep!" Reaching to the back of her rocket suit, she—Schiiiiiiiiing!—unsheathes two exploder-swords and—"HRAAAAAAAUGH!"—slashes them at the goblin attack drones, exploding them. 'Cuz exploder-swords.

BOOOM!

KA-BOOM!

THUDDDDD!

"W-well!" Rarity fires random energy pulses into the madness as she steers through the fire and flame. "It's c-certainly heart-racing! I'll give her th-that!"

"Dash on through to the other siiiiide!" Space Prism's hollering voice is devoured by the muffled sounds of—you guessed it—explosions. More like explosions on top of explosions! Forget what I said earlier about the goblin gauntlet. This is like having a mushroom cloud tap dance in each ear canal! But, y'know, Space Prism and her sidekick can handle it, being the most awesome butt-kickers in the galaxy n'stuff. Oh, by the way, Space Prism just ripped an entire friggin' battleship in two with only her exploder-swords. Did you see that?

"I most certainly d-did!" Rarity glances at the looming moonface as it flies towards her at four hundred kilometers per second. "Space Prism! Look! A tunnel!"

"A front door!" Space Prism SLICES her way through a final wave of goblin drones and rockets past Rarity, hoisting a plugsuited forelimb around her waist. "Come, L-Squared! Where we're going, we don't need gliders."

"Aaaaaie!" Rarity can't help but shriek as Space Prism's superior momentum propels the two of them forward, threading through the tunnels like an awesome needle through awesome thread. The curvy blue metal walls of the deep corridors blur past them. There're a buckton of security turrets firing at them like mad but. Pfft... as if.

A signal bleeps and bleeps on Lavender Lazer's sleeve. "Space Prism!" Rarity shouts. "We're approaching the core!"

"Then that means only one thing." The comic panel zooms in for a super-dang close up on Space Prism's glaring eyes. Thwooooosh! "...we're approaching her."

Just then, a wave of ungodly heat greets the pair. They enter a giant spherical room with multiple catwalks and metal planks encircling a pulsating sphere of sparkly glowy death energy. The energy feedback is too much, and soon the mares' plugsuits start to short-circuit and sparkle.

"Space Prism!" Rarity sputters. "My suit! I-I can't—"

"Hold on!" Space Prism heroically bellows. She ejects her adamantium wings—CL-CL-CLAKKK!—and extends her natural feathers in their place, gliding the two of them the rest of the way through the artificial atmosphere. The two land hard, tumbling to a stop across a thick metal platform right before the pulsating sphere. "Oooof!"

"Unnff!" Rarity falls flat on her helmeted face. Wincing, she looks up—only to see a set of orange hooves standing before her.

"Well well well..."

Our heroes' vision pans up to reveal Astrojack, a lithely-toned orange mare with glowing freckles and a billowing mane of glossy gold hair. She's slinkily clad in a velvety purple sash that bears the demonic crest of the galactic goblins. A pair of emerald inplants in her eyesockets narrow like wicked cat-eyes as she looms above the heroes, sneering.

"So if it isn't Space Prism and her lame lackey, Lavender Lazer!"

"Uhhh..." Rarity blinks. "This is 'Astrojack?'"

"Hey!" Space Prism snarls, getting up. "Nopony calls my most trusted sidekick 'lame!'" She takes a bold step forward. "Certainly not an evil princess adopted by the world-consuming Goblin Emperor of Zappatron!"

"Not so fast, Spazz Prism!" Astrojack's freckles flicker a hot platinum as she tilts her fuzzy chin to the core's ceiling. "Guards!"

Ch-Chtung!

Clakka!

Crkk-Crkk!

Space Prism halts instanty. Lavender Lazer looks around to see a full circle of thickly-armored goblins training their death rifles on the pair of space adventurers.

"Hmmm..." Space Prism spits. "Just like the coward you are, Astrojack!"

"Come on, Space Prism!" Rarity exclaims, trying to contain her bubbling excitement. "We can take them on! Surely this must be the story's climax! Oh, how expertly unfolded—"

"You're one to talk, Space Prism!" Astrojack growls. "Must I remind you that you're nothing without your Awesome Suit of Awesomeness?!"

"Oh... r-right..." Rarity clears her throat. "The villainous monologue." She waves a plugsuited hoof. "Do carry on."

"Oh, how the ignorant denizens of the solar system love to worship and praise your name, Space Prism! But they have no idea that, deep down inside, you're just as vulnerable as the rest of them! Why, without that suit and your sidekick, I could eliminate you with a single wave of the hoof!" Astrojack clenches her teeth while her freckles pulse in a vicious crimson light. "So long as you pretend to defend the futile concepts of galactic democracy, you will only be a hallow shell of your real self!" She grins wickedly. "Take that armor off, you celestial simpleton, and join me! We'll destroy worlds together and make the whole world Goblin Galactica!"

"Alright, Space Prism!" Lavender Lazer drags her hoof. Rarity smiles, feeling blood pumping in her ears. "You deserve to go to blows with the main antagonist! Meanwhile, I'll do my loyal duties by distracting the orcish miscreants surrounding us—"

"Stand down, Lavender Lazer."

Rarity does a double-take, helmet rattling. "Stand... d-down?"

"I've totally got this." Smirking, Space Prism sheathes her helmet's glass face—schlaccck!—and tosses her sweaty, spectral bangs loose. She leans forward, glaring slyly at her nemesis. "You're full of talk, Astrojack, something that your adopted father—the Goblin Emperor—obviously taught you! But for all of your drooling and spitting, you're right about just one thing!"

"Mmmmm-mwahahahahaha!" Astrojack takes the time to laugh. She returns an evil glance, sneering. "And just what's that?"

"I'm not the same without my suit. As a matter of fact!" Space Prism grins. "I'm even better!" With that, her eyes glow a hot blue, hotter than any supernova or any of that other science crud. "BEHOLD!"

She fires a pair of optic rays straight into Astrojack's body. ZAAAAAAAAAP!

Rarity blinks. "Buh?"

"AAAAAAAAAAUGH-RARGHL-RARGHL-RARGHL!" Astrojack collapses, her sexy space warrioress sash being burnt to charred bits as she collapses to her knees from the onslaught of the relentless blue pulse. "Unnnngh..." Finally, as the energy stream ends, she squats there on her knees, shivering and heaving.

"Boo-yaka-shaaaa!" Space Prism grins as her eyes dim to normal. "You're not the only pony born with 'space princess' blood! Ha! Put that in your tiara and huff it!"

"Uhhhhh..." Rarity's eyes dart left and right. "Marvelous!" she chirps inside her helmet. "Astrojack's story thread now has closure!" She twirls to face the goblins. "The true climax is fighting these unsightly cretins, then—"

"Oh Sp-Space Prism..." Astrojack loudly weeps.

Rarity twirls around. "Eh?"

The mare sniffles, her mane frayed and covered with embers. Nevertheless, the defeated villain's hair maintains an immaculate gold shine. It drapes over her naked shoulders like a blanket while she shudders, wiping her tear-stained cheeks clean with a trembling hoof.

"Oh, h-how wrong I've been all this time." She hiccups on a sob and quivers on the platform between them and the ungodly huge core. "For so many years, I was controlled by the evil space spell of Emperor Goblin of Zappatron!" She tilts her head up, her face bespeckled with glowing yellow spots. "But now the c-curse has finally lifted!"

"Pffft. I know it, girl." Space Prism winks. "I can totally tell by your freckles."

"Then... you are n-not mad at me?"

"Heh..." Space Prism trots over and kneels down. "Not a chance!"

Rarity's helmeted gaze bounces between the two mares and the goblins-in-waiting. "Uhhhhm..."

"What you needed was my awesomeness to wake you from your badass slumber." Space Prism tilts Astrojack's chin up, caressing her fuzz-fuzzy orange cheeks. "It's okay to cry. My radical ways are crazy overwhelming to most ponies."

"Can..." Astrojack's robot eyes glisten while her freckles flicker white with hope. "C-can you forgive me for all the harm I've caused?"

"Uhmmm... hello?!" Rarity waves her plugsuited forelimbs wildly. "Space Prismmmm? There are still several foes to defeat! The core of the Maniacal Mare Moon looms right there before us!"

"Hmmmm..." Space Prism ignores Lavender Lazer as she smirks at the defeated villain. "Well, you did blow up a dozen planets, silencing twenty-five trillion screaming souls and enslaving an entire population of space mules, butttttttttttttttttt." She grasps the mare's hoof, leaning forward to nuzzle her cheek to cheek. "For you... I think I can make an exception. Why not? I'm Space Prism. I just belch and it warps time-space!"

"Ohhh..." Astrojack coos, her eyes rolling back as her freckles flash a hot-pink. "Oh..." She gasps. "Space Prism..."

"Mmmm..." Space Prism nuzzles her deeper, nibbling into the nape of her fuzzy neck. "Yeah?"

"Space Prism...!"

"Yeahhhh?"

"Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace...!"

"Mrmmmfffnnnngh..." Rarity helmet-hooves, shaking her head. "Oh, for the love of sweet-Celestia." She tilts her gaze towards some nebulous ceiling. "Ahem... Plot Override: Nancy Gamma Seven!"

And just like that, the entire universe warps and crumples, cycling down into an infinitesimal singularity. Everything gets swallowed up: the armored goblins, the pulsating energy core, the two nuzzling mares and the entire Maniacal Moon itself. At last, with a lazy yawn, Rarity too goes slip-sliding-away into that devouring pinhole of god-thought.

Comments

[FloydienSlip]

So this is... interesting. I'm not sure what to make of this, to be honest, though the Romance tag promises something good.

Seeing "Hue Hue Hue" in a story by you made me laugh more than it should have.

[Ri2]

She enslaved space mules? I'm not seeing a downside to this.

[Cinnamon Sketch]

Hey! It was just starting to get good.
Freckles lol

[yamgoth]

"Ahem... Plot Override: Nancy Gamma Seven!"

Ha ha HA! Nancy! Nancy the bloody soda machine from Black Friday! XD

[OmniFox]

Plot. (laughs)

[Fluttertreetop]

"Boo-yaka-shaaaa!"