Hivemind
Joined 22nd Nov, 2011 ·
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Tracking
Not bad, but in the second chapter you have Luna around when Twilight was a filly when she was still sealed away on the moon.
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg
One problem: Luna was still on the moon at this point. Is is pre-summer sun celebration. But this is good otherwise
I like this, I like this a-lot.
same as the others are saying luna was on the moon but other wise ok
“She will be your foalsitter until the late hours of each day, Twilight. Luna and I are too busy to watch you after your studies
Really, is this a different twilight or is cadence gunna be babysitting twilight after the nightmare moon incident?
In addition to the above comments pointing out that Luna was on the moon when Twilight was a foal, the flashbacks in the wedding episode showed Cadance babysitting Twilight before her cutie mark appeared; therefore, Twilight was not yet Celestia's student. But the concept and delivery are otherwise promising!
Aside from what others have said about the Luna thing, I am enjoying this immensely. Keep up the good work!
My apologies to all about that Luna thing I missed, but trust me when I say that it will be the only time that it happens
I like it so far, despite the discontinuity. Maybe you could ret-con it a bit and make this Twilight before she was accepted to the school. But your writing is very good, and I love the idea.
Other than the Luna thing, this looks like it's off to a promising start. I'll be keeping an eye on it.
If I knew how to track, I would.
That was a very good story. Watching
Also like everyone else said.
1.bp.blogspot.com/-pF5IQIVMpII/TlsRSrsfzYI/AAAAAAAAA40/4FdnXIoyc1c/s1600/twino.jpg
Well at least it's not another Chrysalis one. . . I mean really, so many people are making fics of her and doing the over cliched "can she really love?" thing.
There is just so much that I gusta about this story. Please continue.
However, one glaring mistake I see is that you have Twilight already being Celestia's student when Cadence foalsits her. Twilight lacked her mark in the flashbacks. If anything, that would be more heartwarming, since Cadence was already her best friend even when she was a regular unicorn. Just thought you'd know.
489680
Guessing that the picture is meant for the abundance of Crysallis fics?
This is so adorable!
489721
this, though i'm still wondering what a princess is doing foalsitting some random filly then, this thought just does not want to leave me alone.
I'm glad to see one on the interaction between Cadence and Filly Twi (because Filly Twi is best filly), as it's just adorkable how cute filly Twi is, and so far, you've done well capturing that sense of adorkable...ness...
490060
This was never explained in the episode either, so...maybe Hasbro will reveal that secret later on?
490060
...because she's genuinely a nice pony, who also wants to connect to her future subjects? Also, it gets her closer to that hot stud of a brother Twilight has.
489731 Yes.
489494 You can perhaps edit it out pretty please?
Looks promising.
This story is too cute!
490060
Well...Twilight's family lives in Canterlot, they all have astronomy-related cutie marks (even Shining Armor's shield comes with accompanying stars) which just might indicate nobility or at least "higher breeding" if the Grand Galloping Gala is anything to go by, her parents were able to get her into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and her brother was obviously considered a good enough match for a princess. Taken together these aren't necessarily signs of her ever having been just "some random" filly...
Hmmm, Doom likes the sound of this. I will mercifully allow you to continue...
Hivemind... I would normally wait to the latest chapter to review but I do have a nitpick, Cadence wouldn't have cloven hooves, equines only have one toe per foot, and not split into two toes.
"With a non-existent sense of urgency"
What? So she didn't feel a sense of urgency?
Oh I didn't notice you changed the chapters.
589709
Story's going through a few mass revisions. Taking longer than I expected
Ooh, I like it so far! It's sweet to read some tales about the foalsitting days between Twilight and Cadance!
I'm looking forward to what's to come!
Admittedly though, Twilight DID have Cadance foalsit for her before she earned her cutie mark (which was when Celestia took her on as her student), but at the same time, it does fit! So no harm on that one. :3
When does Twilight learn "sunshine-sunshine ladybugs awake?" And when does Cadence meet Shining Armor? Answer: Hopefully in future chapters!
(P.S: HHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGthisissocute!)
Well worth tracking. Can't wait for more!
I'm leaving her name 'Cadance' only because Hasbro calls her Cadance, not Cadence.
489494
I realize this will completely mess stuff up, but in the episode flashbacks twilight doesn't have her cutie mark which means twilight isn't celestia's student yet. This was all supposed to happen before her magic school exam/test.
Notice the lack of a cutie mark
Well, that's certainly worth a look.
This is looking like it could be a real joy to read!
631461
You and the every other reader of this story.
Hasbro never explained when Cadance became Twilight's foalsitter. Was it during her time at the academy? After her time at the academy? Before her time at the academy? Who knows, because we don't.
631597
This says that cadance started being her foalsitter WHILE twilight was a student of celestia. She became a student of celestia AFTER she got her cutie mark as shown in The Cutie Mark Chronicles episode. Therefore in canon, cadance began to foalsit twilight either while or before the academy. In this fic she started to foalsit after the academy (when twilight was a student of celestia).
Hey, cool! This finally got up on EqD! Welcome to the club, bro!
631671
So which one is it? While or before?
Also, I would find it very hard to believe that Twilight's parents had special royal connections when Twilight was a filly.
632812
While I don't know if it was before or while, this fimfic says that it is after, which is impossible for reasons said in the previous comment.
Maybe Twilight's family was super rich or is friends with celestia? If they aren't, how would Twilight get into the academy in the first place if her family wasn't well-known for naturally being good at magic? I mean look at her brother!
Or we are completely over thinking this and the creators just forgot to give her a cutie mark
635938
Simply put: Cadance is foalsitting Twilight while she is in the academy.
There. That's it. Now, be a good little reader and go...read something
635972
but it says in here that twilight is a student DIRECTLY to celestia and that only happens after the academy, I realize it's too late to rewrite the first chapter to fit this so I'll let this go, but try not to mess anything else up, ok?
635980
If it got past the pre-readers than you know that the setting fit. Cadance is going to foalsit Twilight each day when her studies with Celestia are over. That is what I'm going for, that is what the theme is going for, and it's working out so far. So, on those words, thanks for reading!
"hundreds if not thousands of smaller, separate objects.”
I think you're overestimating the size of sand grains. It's probably more like millions.
Jesus Christ people, STOP WHINING ABOUT LUNA!
It's called artistic license. In the end, we writers have the full authority and control over what we write. Let him write what he wants.