Thoughts
"When I get back, you're gonna get it Rainbow Dash!"
The train cart wheeled along the train tracks, the hot desert sun beating down upon the two ponies operating it. One of them, a pink Earth pony, seemed to be imitating a broken record, repeating the same thing over and over. The other, a white unicorn, grumbled a little to herself in annoyance. It was going to be a long trip.
Her mind drifting, she began thinking on how she found herself in her current predicament. More importantly, she found herself thinking what she would do to the one responsible for it when she got back to Ponyville.
Rarity wasn't usually one to hold a grudge, but when your - supposedly - most 'loyal' friend abandons you and another friend in order to chase after a third, and when the friend you're abandoned with is capable of being used as a weapon of pure irritation... well, holding a grudge is more than justified then.
Punishment was justified too. The kind of punishment that would ensure one's friend did not forget about them again.
But what punishment would that be?
She was the element of generosity - perhaps a generous beating was in order?
No, that would be going much too far and would likely be frowned upon. Not to mention how much of a mess she would look at the end of such a punishment, too.
Humiliation was her best bet. The rainbow-maned Pegasus that abandoned her thrived on attention and constantly put forth an image of 'awesomeness'; destroying that image and turning any attention gained into unwanted stares or laughter would surely make Rainbow think twice about leaving her friends behind again.
But what would sufficiently humiliate the arrogant pony?
A makeover seemed to be the best thing she could think of; not only would it be humiliating to the speedy pegasus, but it would also be a lot of fun for her. There was one obvious flaw with that idea however: how on Earth would she ever get Rainbow to have a makeover? Even if Rarity abandoned the idea of destroying her image and just made the makeover a quiet revenge - something only she and Rainbow would know about, granting her the revenge she desired but only at a minimal level – in the hopes that Rainbow would agree to it as a fair recompense… the cyan pony would still probably never agree to embarrassing herself in front of anyone. Even one of her friends.
That in itself had always confused Rarity - why would a makeover be humiliating? Especially to Rainbow Dash? That pegasus had so much natural beauty, a simple makeover would make her look absolutely stunning. And yet, she chose to do nothing with it, sporting an unkempt mane and avoiding anything fashionable. It was infuriating! The things she could do with that rainbow mane... Only once had Rarity managed to get her hooves on it - back when she was preparing the girls for the grand galloping gala.
Rainbow had looked so beautiful with the colours of her mane separated and tidied, hanging neatly by the side of her head. All of her friends looked beautiful of course - she had made sure of that - but Rainbow... Well, if the Wonderbolts thing didn't work out, she could easily become a model. Of course, she'd have to learn to keep her attitude in check, but other than that, she already possessed the beauty and body necessary for modelling. The grace too, though she'd never believe it.
Rarity had seen Rainbow show just how graceful she could be many times in the past; when she was practising for the Best Young Fliers competition, for example.
The competition... That was a shameful day for Rarity.
She had seen the fear in Rainbows eyes as the pegasus explained what the competition was. The nervousness that threatened to eat her up from within as she boasted about her abilities. The others were oblivious to it, but Rarity's observant eye saw it plain as day.
The unicorn knew Rainbow needed her friends there to support her. Sure, Fluttershy would be there for the swift contestant, but Rarity didn't need a demonstration to know the chance of her being heard over the din of a small crowd - let alone the audience of an entire stadium - were minimal to non-existent at best. The fact that Rarity did have a demonstration only served to strengthen this as a fact.
Rainbow needed her friends with her, and Rarity was determined to make sure they were.
So she had convinced the others of the pegasus' unease, volunteered to be the first test subject of a spell that the most magically talented unicorn in Equestria herself claimed looked incredibly difficult, and eventually flown up to Cloudsdale, friends in tow, intent on supporting Rainbow Dash on her big day.
Then what had she done?
She had become arrogant. Egotistical. An attention-seeker.
The wings granted to her by Twilight’s spell were beautiful; a magnificent sight to behold. So magnificent, in fact, that they had garnered the attention of everypony who saw them. As a result, she continued to flaunt them, revelling in the joy of being the pony everypony else was talking about and gazing at in awe.
Turning Rainbow Dash into a shivering, nervous wreck in the process.
Rarity didn’t notice; she was far too busy being admired and adored. Even if she had noticed, even if she had realised that she was continuously firing insecurity and doubt into her rainbow-maned friend… she probably wouldn’t have cared. She was far too self-absorbed.
And that wasn’t even the worst part. Not by a long shot.
The worst part came when she had the audacity to enter the competition against Rainbow Dash.
The very competition that she had gone to Cloudsdale to support Rainbow in. The very competition that the pegasus had likely put untold hours into practising for. The very competition that obviously meant a lot to the rainbow-maned pony.
She had entered it, and she had every intention of winning, as she knew she easily could.
The memory of it made her sick. It always lingered at the back of her mind like a small stain upon a piece of clothing – it was hidden until looked upon, but once it was, she couldn’t ignore it or look away. And there was still more of the stain to see.
For the final part of her routine, she had risen up high into the sky, intending to shower the audience in the multitude of hues that shone through her wings like spotlights. This she accomplished, but not without great cost. In her over-confident desire to win, she had ignored a warning given by Twilight about her wings being delicate.
They evaporated. Burned to cinders in the light of the sun.
She had fallen like a rock. It was an… odd experience. She had been facing upwards as she plummeted, and as such, never saw the ground approaching. Instead, she watched helplessly as Cloudsdale fell away into the sky, the safety of the clouds abandoning her. She tried to reach for it, flailing her limbs wildly in a vain attempt to grab it and save herself from a grisly demise. Focused as she was on the city in the clouds, her brain never properly registered three members of the Wonderbolts attempting to save her from the imminent and harsh reunion with the ground she was about to receive. It wasn’t until after she had managed to accidentally knock her would-be rescuers unconscious that she noticed their presence in the sky.
That in itself was painful to think about. It didn’t cross her mind when she was screaming her head off, but in knocking out the pegasi that tried to save her, she had doomed them to the same fate as hers. She was going to die because she was egotistical, big-headed and uncaring, but they were going to die because they had tried to help her. The cause of death for three innocent and well-known ponies was going to be her and her alone. Some might say she deserved to die for such a thing.
But she didn’t die. None of them did.
A beautiful polychromatic shockwave punched through the sky between her and Cloudsdale, bathing the world in a multitude of colours. From the centre of that shockwave came Rainbow Dash, swooping down like the hero of a novel to save the damsel in distress. And the three other rescuers she had incapacitated. While travelling at a supersonic speed.
And save her she did.
The pegasus she had been so cruel to... the friend she had betrayed... had rescued her. By pushing herself to do the impossible, Rainbow Dash saved not only Rarity, but three of her idols too. She had practised the sonic rainboom so many times, but only when a friend was in danger - no matter how insensitively that friend had acted - had she been able to pull it off.
Rarity had been speechless. Completely and utterly speechless. There had been so many things she wanted to say, so many things she wanted to do to express how sorry she was to the pegasus, how grateful she was that Rainbow had rescued her, and how touched she was that Rainbow accepted her apology without a hint of entirely justified anger or malice after everything she had done.
As it turned out, all she managed to choke out was a simple ‘thank you’ and something about how the cyan pegasus had just saved her life.
Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. A mere generic form of appreciation and stating the obvious was not the way to show your undying gratitude.
Rainbow didn't notice, distracted as she was with the euphoria of having performed the Sonic Rainboom. She had done what she wanted to do – accomplish the impossible and win the competition.
Everypony was pleased with the day’s outcome, but Rarity had still felt terrible. She still felt terrible about it now, just thinking about it. She had been wanting to apologise for everything she did that day ever since it ended, but despite multiple attempts, she could never bring herself to do it. Something always held her back. Shame? Fear? She didn’t know.
There was one thing she did know though - she had no right to be complaining about being left behind after what she had done to Rainbow on that day. She deserved it. The pegasus deserved a day where she could be disloyal, at least to Rarity, after she, her supposed 'friend', had betrayed her like that.
Except... She wasn't being disloyal. She may have left two of her friends behind in the desert, but… it was only so she could continue to chase after a third friend; one who, though they would never admit it, clearly needed the help of those closest to her. Rainbow intended on being there for her and she knew that Rarity and Pinkie would be okay on their own.
Rarity had seen the determination in the pegasus' eyes when they had devised a plan to get Applejack to talk. She had watched as Rainbow immediately sped off behind Pinkie before the rest of them had even thought of moving.
How could she ever have the audacity to bring Rainbow's loyalty into question? The Pegasus was unwaveringly loyal to all of her friends, no matter what they had done or whether they deserved it.
She had refused the fast ticket to her dreams in favour of her friends, who she didn't even know that well at the time.
She had dragged Pinkie all the way from Sugarcube corner to Applejack's barn after the party pony had thought all her friends had abandoned her.
She had saved Rarity's life.
Even after everything Rarity had done on the day of the competition, the pegasus still saved and forgave her.
Rainbow could be brash, thoughtless and tactless, but she was always brave, always loyal and always willing to do anything for her friends. She was always there for them.
Those were the kind of traits anypony could make anypony admire someone. Respect them.
Even... love them.
Rainbow had always been there for her in her times of need, from being used as Rarity's mannequin to saving her life. Always, without fail.
Not once had Rarity shown her appreciation for such unfaltering devotion. It was with shame that she realised no one truly knew how grateful she was to have Rainbow Dash as her friend.
It was with surprise that she realised just how deep her feelings of gratitude went.
From now on, Rarity would make sure Rainbow’s loyalty did not go unnoticed. From now on, she would always be there for the pegasus that was always there for her too.
And this time, she wouldn't lose her head.
"Look! We're here!"
-----
The sun was hanging low in the sky as the two ponies left Ponyville train station. After saying goodbye to Rarity, Pinkie had bounded off towards her home, eager to let the Cakes know she was alright.
Rarity, however, had a destination other than home in mind.
Her face the purest expression of stern determination one could muster, the white unicorn walked at a brisk pace towards the edge of town until she found herself below a beautiful cloud palace set into the sky.
"Rainbow Dash!"
Several moments later, the cyan head of a rainbow-maned pegasus popped out from the structure to investigate the source of the noise. Identifying it as her friend, she flew down to the ground.
"Hey Rarity! Not known you to come to my place before, what's-" She froze as realisation visually dawned on her face. "Oh."
Rarity just glared at her.
"Listen, I-I'm really really sorry we - err, I - decided to leave you behind," she stuttered hastily, a nervous grin on her face, "we needed to get catch Applejack, a-and if we had stopped we would've-"
"Rainbow Dash."
The pegasus halted her speech. She tried to tear herself away from the dark stare Rarity was giving her, but to no avail. Standing stock still, sweat began to line her brow as the unicorn slowly walked towards her, closing the distance between the two until their faces were mere inches apart.
For a moment the two just stared into each other’s eyes; one pair seemingly filled with fire, the other with fear and dread.
Then something happened that Rainbow would never have expected or even considered as a possible occurrence.
Rarity darted her head towards the pegasus’, who attempted to brace herself against whatever attack she was about to endure. However, her wings shot out from her sides and she quickly froze as she realised she wasn’t being attacked at all.
One pair of eyes slowly closed while another pair widened in shock as Rarity locked her lips with Rainbow’s in a kiss.
It was not a passionate kiss, but neither was it the type casually shared between friends. There was no exchange of tongues, no searching of one another’s mouths; just the simple contact of one pair of lips to another.
Then, as quickly as it had begun, it ended. Rarity pulled away, her eyes opening to a half-lidded position and a grin radiating care and adoration present on her face.
“Thank you for always being there for me.”
Then she turned and trotted away back towards the centre of town, leaving behind an utterly confused pegasus who followed her with her eyes, still frozen on the spot.
Tomorrow would be full of questions and rumours, but Rarity didn’t care. She had done what she wanted to do – show how much the loyalty of her rainbow-haired pegasus friend meant to her.
A loyalty that would never again be doubted or forgotten.
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Verbose author's notes!
If you read this and thought any of the following:
- It's too fast
- It's too short
- The love thing came out of nowhere
- The word 'she' was used far too much
I agree with you completely. The reason for this is that I've been writing and rewriting this on and off since The Last Roundup aired, due to different problems (such as losing motivation to write it after several hours of work randomly disappeared) and just generally not having much time. As such, I've just become tired of looking at it, so here it is.
That aside, this story was a bit of an experiment in writing. My intention was to see if I could tell a story using only a chain of thoughts and little to no dialogue. A weird comparison, but a bit like the first 20 odd minutes of the film 2001: A Space Odyssey.
I know I failed said experiement, so any possible criticism that would help me not fail in the future would be greatly appreciated. Especially if I end up following the stupid idea in my head and do another 'thought train story' with Fluttershy.
Yer tags 're showin'
I think you're being too negative. Sure, it's short and goes by fast, but it's well written, has a natural progression and doesn't really need any elaboration.
If you really want to search for fail, I'd point to where you go outside your experimental parameters and elaborate too much. Ending the story after Pinkie's line, and leaving the Ponyville scene to the imagination of the reader, would (I feel) have made for a more emotionally powerful ending.
Wow....uh....I got to say.....I'm speechless with how to take this.
While the it may be a little short, and the pace is a bit too quick, it's still a nice piece. The only problem I really have with it, is the html tags you use, which doesn't do anything here, except annoy. You should have checked if it worked correctly after you uploaded it.
Nice
needs a part 2. very very very badly. I wanna know how it worked out.
488974 489039 I swear I fixed this before I submitted it. I specifically went over all the italics as at one point the entire second half of the story was written in it.
Thank you for pointing it out, it's fixed now.
488975 I hate myself for not thinking that. The ending scene was the thing that first popped into my head and caused me to write the rest of the story, but I never thought what the story would be like without it. I'll keep that in mind in future.
Cheers for the feedback.
489006 Is that good or bad? Or neither?
You don't have to beat yourself up you did a great job with this fic.
And that kiss I don't think that was intended for shipping purposes, just a quick little thank you kiss, am I right?
I was just pointing them out, they didn't really bother me all that much
Also, everything the positive comments said
I'm not a fan of romance between the M6, this one included, but that just personal opinion and I really enjoyed Rarities thoughts. Thumbs up mate.
489069 To be honest, I think any continuation of this would ruin the story more than I already did. That and I doubt I could ever find the interest in continuing this particular story after the trouble I had with it.
It up to you to decide what happens next
489391 I think it was meant to be a bit of both, but feel free to interpret it however you wish; I kind of tried to make it open to interpretation anyway.
I really liked this story. It showed a different side of Rarity and it was very interesting to get inside her head like that. Don't be so hard on yourself, it was really good.
That kiss at the end was funny. Liked that the ending was open to any interpretation. Thumbs up!
Nice!
This pairing needs more stories. The one critique I'll level is that you have a bit too much LUS with all the "Rainbow manes pegasus"'s. It _is_ Rarity, but they began to stand out around half way through.
Wow. I have to say, I really loved this piece. I read it because my friend recommended it to me. It was beautiful and it had everything. Charm and sophistication. Plus, it made the readers think. An awesome read, great job. You're clearly a fantastic writer.
735253 I'll be honest, I couldn't think of what LUS could stand for, but yeah, one of my many inabilities when it comes to writing is that my volcabulary seems to shrink greatly whenever I do it. I can't keep writing 'she', but I can think of very few things to put in it's place. With Rainbow for example, all I can come up with is 'Cyan Pegasus', 'Cyan Pony', 'Rainbow-maned/haired pony', or occasionally 'Equestria's fastest flier'. If I use one of the cyan ones, I obviously can't use the other one anywhere close to it, and fastest flier is a bit too long to use the majority of the time. It's something I really need to work on at some point.
741485 I wish that were true, but many thanks, I'm glad you liked it
741620
Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Sorry, it's jargon with the people I hang out with most of the time. What it means is that you over-use overly description epithets such as "rainbow-mane pegasus" or the aforementioned "lavender unicorn" instead of simpler forms of address. The main issue is that once you've described the pony once, doing so again too many times feels weird. Try to make your descriptive phrases matter to the context. If Dash is showing off in the air, or talking about it, "the flier" makes more sense than "the rainbow maned pegasus." As long as there isn't ambiguity, people don't notice "she" as often as you think. The same goes for names. You can also gain mileage from:
The other mare
Her friend
In Dash's case, you have Rainbow and Dash as names to use for her. RD, Dashie, and maybe others for character specific nicknames too. The goal should be not to use descriptive phrases just because you don't want to use a pronoun. Good luck!
I like using She instead of short descriptions most of the time, like only using names and stuff if I need to differentiate two ponies. Anyway;
This was pretty damn good! I think you had a case of letting go here, when you work on something for so long you just can't stand it and can't let it go at the same time.
You loose sight of how good or bad it is, and in this case it was pretty damn good. Good job!
Remember that your own critique will always be the harshest (in most cases, sometimes it's the opposite.) and that sometimes you shouldn't spend too long on a project in case it swallows itself. As some comedy writers say, you have to write down your first impressions, cause the 20th time you read it; you hate it.
Best bit?
When Rarity was remembering her Cloudsdale 'incident' and realised what she did to poor Rainbow, that 'turnaround' bit was written near perfect.
Even the 'everyone' tag couldn't keep me from thinking dirty thoughts... Oh well, it was a nice story.
That was unexpected...
I liked how you wrote Rarity's POV in this, as it made her sound normal and not some over the top dramatic mare. Overall, this was a well written introspective story. I tend to really enjoy introspective type stories too.
The kiss at the end was interesting in how it wasn't really romantic, but not just friendly either. In a way, it almost leaves the entire story on an open ended note, which is nice as it lets the reader form their own conclusions on what might happen down the road.
Great work on this, I like it
*dusts off comment section*
Not bad
483629 Dude, why you beating your self up?
THIS WAS AMAZING!
I have never seen such an incredibly well written story featuring Raridash in my entire life! It's simply equisite! Simply magnificent! It's-
AWESOME!
Yes, I guess...
Since I'm not a RariDash shipper, I'll just interpret that kiss at the end as being purely platonic.
Just like with a few other fics, I'm surprised I didn't fave this the first time.
You can has review!