There are some strange artifacts in the Alicorn Archive. Unfortunately, Twilight learns of a dangerous one, first hoof. Being launch into the future where her future self needs help more than ever, she is met with a terrible explanation. Her family and friends had turned their backs on everything, joined a rebellion, and now seek to take future Twilight out. Twilight now has to bear this burden and choose some hard choices. Aided by some old and new friends, as well as a few legends, she aims to fix everything.
Chapters (2)
I do enjoy this dystopian fic, but you didn't get Tia right, toward the beginning. She felt sorta outta character. I did like her leaving though, due to the factions forming. It is fairly obvious that the note was from Star Swirl, unless you have tricked me. I really enjoyed this, but I hope to see the rest of the Mane 6 highlighted too, as she fights them? I enjoyed this fic.
I don't know, a few things just seem a little off to me. Most of what goes on seems a little rushed. Honestly, this single chapter would probably be better if it were expanded into three or even more. You could easily get a couple thousand words up setting up Twilight first time-traveling, then another couple thousand if not more about her first encounter and travel with the first group she met, and then another few thousand out of meeting herself.
Characterization wise, Celestia seemed a little odd and Twilight was written a little bit too clinical in comparison to the neurotic pony that she is.
I question the addition of Starswirl for several reasons. First of all, his addition feels forced and unnecessary. You could just as easily create a subtle OC to serve as Queen Twilight's right hand man/Princess Twilight's confidante, as that seems to be the role you're setting him up for. I notice no romance tag, so I can only hope that you aren't planning some strange TwilightxStarswirl. Honestly, I don't like the needlessly complex point of bringing Starswirl into this story. If his background is that he travels into the past at some unknown point, why is he not the focus of this fic? Or is he? Is this actually supposed to be your headcanon of why Starswirl was successful, because Twilight taught him and made him a good pony and then sent him back in time or something?
5107546
First off, thank you for the read. I can see how I might have pushed everything together into an awkward situation. Though I have noticed in the past I tend to drag useless portions of a story out to needless lengths.
Though I am very glad you caught Celestia's tone and actions were a little off in the introduction scene. There are reasons for that, and they will be fleshed out later... much later actually...
And no, there will be no shipping in this fic. None that is written at least. Yes, starswirl could have been substituted for an OC. I thought that a familiar name might help Twilight cope with the situation. There is a lot more to starswirl in the future chapters, obviously. So maybe he will feel a little more natural once he is fleshed out a bit more.
5107318
Thank you for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it. I mentioned this before in an earlier reply, but I am happy you noticed the Celestia portion. For obvious reasons, I can't really tell you why yet.
The rest will make an appearance, and a few more faces will also be coming around.
Again, thank you.