Chapter 2: The Creature
"WHAT IS THAT!?" Rainbow Dash, a blue colored Pegasus shouted, making the creature start crying once more.
But as Fluttershy tried to stop the creature's cries, it was joined by more questions from her friends.
"Why do you have a thing like that?"
"Is it dangerous?"
"Where did you get it?"
"Does it like parties?"
"Why is it changing!?"
"We need to get rid of it!"
At that Fluttershy snapped.
"ENOUGH!" That made everypony quiet, even the creature itself.
"Just stop it!" She continued. "I know this creature seems a bit... odd. But it's just a baby."
Everypony now looked a bit interested.
"I found it in the Everfree in a basket with a letter. It only said 'To a Good Home'. Can't you see, it's an orphan."
Everypony let out a small gasp at that.
"Again, I know it looks a bit strange, but does it look dangerous?" Fluttershy brought the creature closer, everyone now seeing it's innocent face.
"Well," Rarity, a white unicorn mare, said. "It does look too young to cause any harm, and it's probably too weak to do any by the looks of it's... things." Rarity pointed one of her hooves at the creatures hands, resulting in the creature grabbing it and snuggling it.
"Oh! Who am ah kiddin'!" Applejack, an orange coated earth pony, shouted. "This thing won't even' hurt a fly!"
Pinkie Pie, the pink earth pony, nodded at that. "Yeah! And she's a real cutie!" Pinkie was in front of the creature, making silly faces to make it laugh.
"Wait, she?" Rainbow Dash questioned. "How do you know it's a she?"
"Well, its eyelashes are more around the female variety and its mane is super silky, like a little filly's." Pinkie explained.
"Well, let's not assume that." Rarity said. "Maybe later on Fluttershy can see if it's a she or a he."
"Anyways," Rainbow spoke out. "Why did it do... that?" Rainbow asked.
"Do what?" Applejack asked.
"When it changed into some wolf-thing." Rainbow said. "I never seen anything do that before."
"I'm as confused as you, Rainbow." Fluttershy admitted. "This is actually a first for me, but it won't make it any harder for me to handle."
"You're right about that." Rainbow mumbled.
"I'm just wondering, why are you four here in the first place?" Fluttershy asked, placing the creature in it's basket.
"My Pinkie-sense went off!" Pinkie said. "My hooves were super cold, and it only does that when somepony you unexpect come into someponies' life. The last time that happened, one of my three sisters were born."
"Yeah, what Pinkie said." Rainbow agreed. "She gathered all three of us and told us to meet at your house. But I'd never expect this." Rainbow hovered over to the creature, making the thing giggle.
But before anypony could say anything else, the creature just started crying randomly, scaring the rainbow-maned pegasus to the floor.
"What's wrong now?" Pinkie asked.
"Maybe it need ah bath!" Applejack assumed.
"Well it has been in the Everfree." Rarity said.
Fluttershy then picked up the creature, it still crying. Fluttershy then flew up the stairs, into the bathroom. She placed the creature on the floor and went to her bedroom.
She opened one of the closets, consisting of nothing but baby essentials. Why? Let's just say she's always prepared for newborn animals.
Fluttershy grabbed a fresh pair of diapers, foal powder, and foal oil. She then returned to the bathroom, but before she started the bath she flew back downstairs.
"I'm sorry but do you mind waiting?" Fluttershy asked.
All four of them shook there heads no.
"Thank you." She then returned to the bathroom, now filling up the tub with warm water.
As the tub filled up, Fluttershy placed the creature on the closed toilet, using it as a makeshift table. She gently removed the white nighty and just had a bare skinned creature with it's diaper. Fluttershy then took off the diaper, showing that the creature was female. Of course this didn't phase the shy mare, since she's been taking care of other animals since she moved to Ponyville.
Fluttershy then placed the creature in the tub, the water only reaching the thing's stomach. As Fluttershy lathered the soap with the rag, she watched as the creature started messing with the water, splashing both her and the yellow mare a little.
Fluttershy giggled at the creature's antics.
"Oh, would you like something to play with?" Fluttershy asked, only receiving a confused look from the creature, her head tilted to the side.
Fluttershy quickly grabbed a rubber ducky and placed it in the tub.
At first the creature just eyed it curiously, but then she tried to grab it with her hand, resulting in making a tiny wave moving the duck farther.
Fluttershy then pushed the toy closer with her wing. This time the creature grabbing it successfully.
As Fluttershy started bathing the creature, the creature herself examined the toy closer. The creature then pressed the toy deeper into the water, making air bubbled come out of the toy's beak. The creature then lifted the toy, feeling that the toy was now heavier. The creature then squeezed the toy, resulting in the toy shooting water at her face.
At first Fluttershy thought it would upset the creature, but she was surprised that it only made her giggle in enjoyment instead.
~
After the bath was finished, Fluttershy put on a new diaper on the creature, and placed the nighty back on.
When she finally returned downstairs, she saw that everypony was still there.
"Sorry if the bath was a bit long." Fluttershy spoke.
"Oh it was no bother to anypony here." Rarity said.
"Hey! Hey Fluttershy?" Pinkie called out.
"Y-yes?" Fluttershy said.
"What's her name, huh?" Pinkie asked.
"Her n-name?" Fluttershy asked. She knew that this creature didn't have a name; not that she knows, but she wasn't sure of what to name her. Of course it was suppose to be a mare's name, but it had to be unique for her.
"Yah, what's it's name?" Rainbow asked next.
"Are ya gunna give it a name?" Applejack asked.
"Why of course she's gonna give her a name! She found her." Pinkie said.
"W-well, how about Shy?" Fluttershy asked.
"Nah! It's too close to your name." Rainbow said.
"How about a name from somewhere else?" Rarity asked. "Some ponies have very odd names."
"Oh! I know!" Fluttershy said. "How about..."
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Do you want suggestions for a a name or something?
(not trying to be rude)
5177640 Nah! I got one just for her.
5177814
Tell me.
So the wolf child is a she? Hmmm... wonder if she will follow Ame's path (become a wolf and wonder the wild) or Yuki's (stay human and try to adept to being an alien to the ponies)
5177856 i hope she follow Yuki's path (stay human and try to adept to being an alien to the ponies)
5177852 Sorry, but that's for me to know and for you to wait to know yourself.
Name the kid Tarzan. (It's gender-neutral enough)
Don't quote me on this, but I don't think Applejack would be Fluttershy's friend six years before Twilight's arrival. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy knew each other from flight camp, Fluttershy and Rarity frequent the spa, and Pinkie Pie is everypony's best friend, but how did any of them meet Applejack?
Oh. But still, why Applejack? It's not a hate move on her, I'm just wondering if Applejack was even friends with Fluttershy at this point. Sure, she would have had to see her in the market, but by that logic, Applejack would be friends with almost as many ponies as Pinkie Pie.
5177871
5177856
Why not both?
5177926 i don't know
5177920 Well, One thing's for sure. They aren't actual friends, but I think that since Fluttershy is friends with Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash is Friends with Applejack, maybe somewhere along the lines, Rainbow got the two together to make a new friendship bond.
At least that's what I think.
5177899 but, but , but why
5177945 Cause I said so! Now let me get typing!
s.myniceprofile.com/myspacepic/715/71560.gif
5177965 NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I will prevent you from typing FOREVER!!!!!!!!
(
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5177970 You know I can just ignore your comments right?
5177986 NO! My plans have been Thwarted! Darn!
(
)
3.bp.blogspot.com/-W7lAu8tG1vY/UWVl_eZiCVI/AAAAAAAAq4s/JP0usdEQGPE/s1600/And+they'll+say+why+she+wouldn't+even+harm+a+fly.jpg
5178080 derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/8/12/398214__safe_solo_animated_sweetie+belle_youtube_laughing_panty+and+stocking+with+garterbelt_evil+laugh_artist-colon-bluefeathercat.gif
I thought I recognized the format. Hello again, Pixelberry!
5178135 do I know you from somewhere?
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its
You're
5178287 yes?
5178163 No, but I've read several of your stories. I tend to be a little disappointed by the final product. I'll tell you what I think when I finish this story in a couple days. I've got a queue setup, so I probably won't get to it today.
5178287 No? No what?
5178583 Okay then!
Why were the rest of the mane 6 doing inside Fluttershy's house in the first place? They couldn't just be there at random for no reason whatsoever.
we have to wait till the next chapter to find out the name
you are going to die, and tentacles will be involve in it.
i like so far, keep up the good work, or the tentacles are going to visit you.
FfffffffffffffffuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!!! Freaking cliffhangers! You're like my brother! I hate you but I love you at the same time! Patient man doesn't want to be patient!!!
Love the chapter though. I have a weakness for cuteness. Can't wait till the next chapter comes out. I wonder how Fluttershy will take (insert her name here) out to play. I know she lives away from everyone else but that doesn't mean that someone might wander by or come over. Speaking of which what's her plan for when someone who doesn't know about (insert her name here) comes over? Does she make (insert her name here) hide in her room, stay out in the open as a wolf or maybe even hides her in a closet? That was kinda mean but what does she do?!
This reminds me that i really need to finish writing the next chapter of raising a human.
Well interesting read, shall follow.
5177920 perhaps they met though Rainbow? Or maybe Pinkie... Or possibly both?
5178610
Chapter 1:
I really liked the intro. It was refreshing in a new way, though lacking in a lot of detail. It was used just to introduce the idea, and that's a good way to reveal the premise. It's not too heavy on exposition, nor is it the kind of stressful of the usual HiE hijinks. I do wish it was a bit longer, but that comes from one experienced in reading 20k a day. If you want success in the long run it might be better to create longer chapters and avoid the plot of either 'base'. Good crossovers are about moving the typical of the base into a new story, a sort of perfect mesh. Don't try to tackle the motivations that either Wolf Children or MLP:FIM set up, and you should be good.
***
Chapter 2:
Chapter 2 was a bit dialogue heavy. Nothing happened and the scene only showed to confirm your usual theatrics and introduce the characters. It also served to introduce timeline to anyone who's watched the show...but I think your factual basis is a bit off. None of the Mane6 was shown to truly 'know' each other before Twilight arrived.
Again, details are important, and it'd be best if you had a bit more. As it is, you're filling basic necessity of introduction, but I still feel as if I should be viewing this like a manga or a comic. The medium you're working with doesn't take kindly to extreme dialogue and with too much of it, you'll lose interest in the long run. It's a balance you need to work with, and I'd like to see this story complete.
***
That's my review. I hope you learn something from it. Ah, before I forget, there's a line that Pinkie says that could use some editing in 2. Good luck.
5178487 Listen to this one for some of the other errors.
i start to like the story a bit more than befor already, it is nice at the moment. Maybe i have to watch the movie, please warn me if it is going to be sad or something.
5181363 all I'm gunna say is that the feels will come.
5181555 sorry i should have made it clear, do you mean the story or the movie? I asked for the movie, but if it have a happy end (no spoiler please^^) i would like a little bit sad stuff in this story too.
Well don´t every story needs a happy end, but i think i would like one for Fluttershy.
5181970 well, this story is gunna be my first feel Fic. As for the movie, it truly
Y brought me to tears, both hearwarming and sorrowful ones.
I can't wait for the next one.
5179203 I bet Twi when she learns will try to study the child with disasterous results or crusader hi kinks
5198997 Who said that Twilight has to know a thing?
5199157 well mane 6 is one if the tags
5199184 You play TCG's? It's a misprint.
5199785 yeah I know whoops
More than a bit of an extreme reaction there.
Seeing a crying thing wearing a onsie and a diaper, that information should NOT be a shock to anybody with a brain.
At the age of 2 most people have grown out of one piece suits. Just saying... that's a roughly 0-12 month kind of thing, when they start walking you usually start putting them in actual clothes :)
Now I want to see an alt chapter where dash attacks and either mortally wounds, kills, or incapacitates da wulphmann
6932115 Ponies gasp at everything. It's how earth ponies are so strong. Their lungs have evolved to take in slightly more oxygen than what is typically required while in a resting state, and as such can do ebetr
Ok who the hell said "get rid of it" they deserve a slap in the face. Also human to wolf... Human, not pony sooo ponies going to be scared of her at least for awhile, xenophobs gonna hate. Wolf still not a pony plus known carnivore = larger reaction from ponies. Kind of a lose, lose situation don't yah think.