Chapter 27: The Calm Before The Storm
The sun, as it always did, slowly fell behind the mountain city of Canterlot. A cool, crisp evening breeze blew throughout the numerous cities, towns, and villages across Equestria, giving the land a peaceful quality that had been lacking for the past few days. Ponies and animals alike made their way back to the comfort and safety of their homes and loved ones, seeking a nice meal and a good night's rest. To any other pony, it would be described as a perfect evening. However, one such pony could not enjoy what nature had to offer tonight.
Celestia sat up in her study scanning the horrifically charred pages of the ancient tome. She rubbed her forehead with a hoof, overcome by the frustration of the current task. Many of the pages were burned to the point of being unreadable. Out of those that remained intact, half of them were in a foreign language that Celestia could barely understand. What little knowledge it remained to hold was, to say the least, unimportant. Overall, the book was a jumbled mess of nonsense
With a sigh, the Princess gently pushed the tome away and rested her muzzle onto the wooden desk, turning her head so she could stare out one of the many windows of the room. She could see the light slowly fading across the green plains down below that surrounded the city. The breeze leaked in through the open window, gracing her with a little bit of comfort. Slowly, she closed her eyes, letting the gentle whistling of the wind and the fading sounds of the city lull her into a peaceful slumber.
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The beautiful nights influence even seemed to extend into the darkness of the Everfree Forest. The monsters and creatures that lurked deep inside the confines of that forest kept to themselves, opting to instead remain inside their homes and rest. For once, the forest seemed at peace. No roar, cry, or howl came from the treacherous jungle. Only the whistling of the wind echoed throughout the land.
Far in the distance, near a long ruined castle, a loud boom echoed out across the forest. Another rang out soon thereafter, then a third. Finally, a fourth a final boom sounded. Large chunks of cobblestone flew into the air from the sounds origin, revealing the entrance to a long forgotten cavern. From it, a lone figure emerged, clad in bloodied and torn military gear. He paused, taking in his surroundings with a careful, methodical gaze.
Suddenly, a bright light was summoned forth from his hand, casting the entire clearing in a bright, almost blinding light. As the light faded, a small, tiny reflection of it answered back from the side of a tree on the edge of the clearing. The figure made his way over to the reflection, disregarding any of the possible dangers that may have been alerted to his presence. As he got closer, he could make out a small, white tack stuck into the side of the tree. He gazed back into the darkness of the forest, creating another light. In the distance, even more of the tacks could be seen reflecting the light, creating a makeshift trail throughout the maze of shrubbery.
A smile crept onto his face as the figure trudged forth into the woods, fearless and undaunted of the dangers ahead.
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"Tia?"
Celestia woke up with a start, glancing at the clock. She had been asleep for almost an hour.
"Tia, you forgot to set the sun." A voice called from behind her. Celestia turned to see Luna standing in the doorway. Glancing back out the window, she could see the sun just barely sitting above the horizon. The light it gave off was minimal, but it should have set a half hour ago.
"Yes, I... I suppose I did." She responded with a soft chuckle as she stood up and made her way to the balcony. Her horn lit up, and with it the sun slowly set the rest of the way till it disappeared completely below the horizon. As it vanished from sight, Luna's horn lit up, and the moon rose up, taking the suns place.
"Sister, you seem... distressed." Luna questioned, resting a hoof on her sisters shoulder. Celestia let out a long sigh.
"Yes, I most certainly am." She muttered, glancing back at the tome on her desk.
"Can I help?"
"Maybe..." Celestia muttered, thinking deeply. "Come here."
The two approached the tattered book. Using her magic, Celestia opened the book and turned to the last page she was on.
"Can you understand any of that?" Celestia asked. After a few seconds of browsing, Luna shook her head.
"Not much... this and that..." She answered, her ears drooping on her head. "And this is what is needed to bring the humans home?"
"Unfortunately, yes." Celestia responded as she shut the book. "I am going to be honest with you Luna..." She started, but paused.
"Yes?"
"I... I do not think I am going to be able to get them home anytime soon..." Celestia muttered sadly, staring at the ground. Luna turned away from her sister and opened the book once more, gazing through the numerous pages.
"Have you consulted your student, Twilight? Perhaps she could..."
"No, she wouldn't know." Celestia cut in, gazing out upon the surrounding landscape. "This language... it’s strange. I have no memory of it. Nothing I remember reading... nothing I remember seeing... nothing I remember hearing..." She paused. "Only bits and pieces of it seem to make any sense, and even then I am just guessing."
"Whenever this language was in use, it was lifetimes ago, sister." Luna stated, still browsing. "It is understandable that neither of us remember it." After a few more turned pages, Luna stopped. "There are a few words that seem to repeat many times..."
"Like?"
"Copulatio... that word is on almost every page."
"Yes... it means 'couple' or 'conjoin'... something similar to those."
"Then there is... uh... reperio."
"I believe that means 'find' or 'discover'."
"Successus... That means 'success' I assume." Luna mumbled to herself. "Um..." She scanned the pages some more. "Excisio? That sounds familiar..."
"Hmm..." Celestia pondered. "I cannot say..."
"Destruction!" Luna announced happily, pleased that she remembered one of the words. There was a pause, and then her attitude changed to one of confusion. "Wait... but that doesn't make any sense. Hardly any of these words should be in a tome about teleportation..."
"None of it makes any sense. I found a few words that I understood, but together it is all gibberish." Celestia responded as she sat down, rubbing her head yet again. "I'm sorry sister, but I do not think we will make any progress tonight."
With a defeated sigh, Luna closed the book and set it back down onto the desk. She made her way for the door.
"Luna..." Celestia called.
"Yes, sister?"
"Tomorrow night, if you are not occupied, would you mind helping me with this?" She asked, nodding her head towards the book.
"You... want me to help?"
"Of course! You have already proven that you know some of this language that I myself do not. You never know... and besides..." Celestia laughed. "Perhaps the company will keep me from going insane."
Luna joined in on the laughter.
"I would love to help." She responded with a smile. "Goodnight, sister."
"Goodnight Luna"
And with that, the door closed.
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It was a restless night for the four humans. All of them failed to get hardly any sleep. The injuries that Andrei and Truck had sustained a week ago were finally beginning to take their toll. Truck found it difficult and painful to exert much energy, and Andrei was beginning to form a visible limp. Of course, with Sandman in the hospital, this left Grinch being forced to cater to their needs and make sure that none of them tried to go for each other’s throats.
As the morning sun slowly climbed above the horizon, Grinch had breakfast brought to them. After the meal, Grinch made his way down to the training room by his lonesome, leaving the other humans to tend to their wounds. He had to, as Truck put it, 'give them some busy-work or some shit'. To top it all off, all of the ponies who went with Sandman were still in medical care as well, including Haybrun. This forced Grinch to run the show himself, at least for a while.
As he entered the large room, he saw what remained of the group already gathered inside. They all were talking quietly to one another, but immediately fell silent as the lone human walked through the door. They arrayed themselves into a line quickly, staring expectantly at him. He could see from their faces that many of them looked fearful.
"Well? What are you waiting for? Five laps around the room to get yourselves warmed up!" Grinch shouted, and the group darted away without hesitation, forming themselves into a large cluster as they made their way around the large room's outskirts.
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"Ugh, when are they gonna let us go back home?" Rainbow Dash questioned as she slumped into a large couch that sat within her room.
"Ah don't know, but ahm hopin' it's soon." Applejack responded, staring out the window. "Ah miss my family..."
"I hope my animals are doing okay..." Fluttershy mumbled quietly from where she sat, reading one of the many books that were placed in the room. Twilight sat next to her, doing the same.
"Don't worry girls, I doubt we will be here much longer." Twilight announced, flipping the page to her book.
"Ah don't know Twi..." Applejack responded, glancing her way.
"You heard about what happened to the humans in the Everfree." Rarity joined in. "And with Cloudsdale being..." She winced, glancing over at Rainbow Dash. "Er... I mean, who knows how long we will be here?"
"Oooohhh! I am totally throwing us a welcome home party when we get back to Ponyville!" Pinkie chimed in, bouncing around the group.
"Oh, I do hope Sweetie is doing fine." Rarity murmured to herself, ignoring Pinkie and her antics. Applejack glanced her way, a stern look on her face.
"Ah told you that mah family was lookin' after her, didn't ah? If ya had a problem with that, ya should have told me."
"Oh no no no, I am not questioning the parenting abilities of your family Applejack!" She quickly defended. "I just… I am still worried."
Applejack merely laughed.
"Aww, Ah am just pullin' yer tail, Rarity."
The group shared a quick laugh. Twilight, closing her book, turned to the group.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I am starving!" She announced, rubbing her stomach to emphasize her point. "Who wants to come with me to go get breakfast?"
Everypony in the room shot up, looking for any excuse to get out of the confines of their room. As a group, they all made their way out of the room and into the hallway, taking a nice, slow trot towards the kitchen.
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As the sun made its slow ascent, a lone human burst through the thick tree line of the Everfree Forest. He held up a hand, shielding his eyes from the intense light after enduring such a long trek through the eternal darkness that plagued the cursed jungle. It took him a while, but his eye finally adjusted. As he scanned the landscape, he could make out the outskirts of a small village no more than a half hours walk away.
However, his attention was immediately drawn away as he stared at the large shape looming beyond the village in the distance. A single mountain peak stretched towards the blue sky in the distance. Although the view was beautiful, only one thing caught his attention about the mountain. Clasped to the side of its rocky face, a majestic castle sat, reflecting the light off its colorful towers and intricate architecture.
A loud whistle echoed out across the landscape, causing the figure to glance out warily. Soon, a jet of smoke became visible, followed by yet another loud whistle. From a patch of woods in the distance, a very large set of metal boxes came barreling out of the tree line, making its way towards the peaceful village. The figure studied the metallic boxes as they slowed down and stopped at a building near the outskirts of the tiny settlement. Ponies hopped off the side and new ones entered. Distant shouts could be heard, but it was too far away to be able to understand. He could see now that it was attached to metal beams and planks of timber that ran along the ground. His eyes followed the track, which he could determine led towards the mountain castle.
The figure glanced back at the village, then the train, and finally the castle. After a few minutes of thought, another smile crept onto his face as he made his way forward towards his desired destination.
Just found this have to say I am impressed
Alright. I've read this whole thing. Now for some comments.
First off, I really, really enjoyed the first half of the story. It was cliff-hangery, exciting, edgy, and kinda can't-wait-for-next-chapter. The atmosphere of hostillity between the humans and the ponies was enticing, with many misunderstandings only the reader can figure out. The mystery of how the characters would react to each other kept me glued.
Later chapters, starting from the beginning of training the troops made me feel like it was a OC-fueled story. I felt the story stopped focusing on Metal and their adventures etc. or something, because then the characters "settle", or slow down the story to a crawl, "training" the troops who were lackluster in character and felt like cardboard. I know looking for OCs may sound like a good idea to authors, but frankly, you just need a name and a race. But even then, their name could be really stupid, and then the author would have to weed them out.
Also, I'm assuming the other magical human guy is Alexander, my comment on him is this: WTF
He's basically invincible and unbeatable, (PERFECT AS A VICTIM OF A MACGUFFIN, HMMM???), and the way he just destroys the characters is disgusting. That's just curbstomp. Unrealistic curbstop too.
If I'd written this story, I'd make Makarov or someone evil from the COD universe be the main antagonist, and only Metal could defeat them, (since Equestria's military is so pitiful, not even joking). I feel that would make a better story. A story like this, made up of so many OCs that most readers won't care about (except for the people who made the OCs), would make lots of viewers just quit. I certainly skipped the chapters with the tournament because of all the ponywank and just OC vs. OC action. THERE'S NO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. The OCs have no/a forced personality. It makes me BORED reading those chapters.
Anyways, back to my point, I feel an antagonist from the COD universe being the main antagonist for this universe would be a good idea because then the author wouldn't to pull a MacGuffin outa his arse to hand to the main character to defeat "that evil guy" (who is a bit obvious of either being Alexander or some other random OC). Metal has the potential to not just be a MacGuffin force like the Mane 6 and actually kick ass with their arsenal (albeit, a small arsenal,) of automatic weapons at their disposal. To be honest, THAT'S a story I would read. Not with all this OC bull.
Another critism that I have is that Metal is so unprofesional. They are highly trained soldiers, special forces, hello? You did fine describing their character in the earlier chapters, but then they just become soft later on. Cloudsdale just exploded. Now relate to the ENTIRE EAST COAST GETTING INVADED, MILLIONS DEAD, CITIES DESTROYED. Yeah, Cloudsdale exploding isn't so bad now, isn't it? That was expressed pretty well early on. Later, everyone just becomes a noodle when they try to deny Frost being dead. I mean, you guys were dead when Frost came to Equestria. Frost was pretty sad that you guys were dead but y'all don't really care. This is WAR, or well, you just came out of one. I expect their emotions being more refined for that since they must've seen some crazy s**t when fighting the Russians on their homeland.
I guess I should give a more friendly conclusion. The first half of the story was great, 10/10, almost Golden. After that, I felt the story just went downhill in quality and plot. I just didn't feel the OCs were personal enough. The relationship should be BUILT, like with Hayburn or whatever (jeez, I can't even remember his name. Bad me.). His relation felt slightly more authentic then the craploads of OCs that sprouted up. In situations where you have a lot of characters that serve about 0 purpose whatsoever, it'd be better to only name a few distinguishing characters in a crowd of redshirts instead of having everyone being a supporting protagonist/protagonist. It makes me feel guilty that I don't feel guilty when the OCs die, when I don't even get time to know any of them. Having so many OCs to build is very challenging. They need to be authentic before they die, or else everyone is just ganna be like "Oh, so-and-so just died. WTF, who was he anyways?!" If most of the characters were just redshirts, the readers would still get the sense of "Oh! The protagonists are getting pwned!" while not needing to worry about the characters that ARE actually important.
Gah. Off track again. I just really hope the story goes back to the epicness of the earlier chapters with hostillity and distrust. I also hope that my review doesn't get flooded with hate. This would be on my favorite 'Fics list if it weren't for the downwards spiral.
Hope it gets better
-Powers
28# dun dun dun
So far I am impressed. I'm sad that Frost died but maybe you, the author, has reason. So far, I'd give this story a 8.5 out of 10. KEEP IT UP, BRUH!
Update?
first off, let me just say that Metal team had the most badass death scene in CoD history (Soap's is the saddest, Makorav's is the most satisfying)
and that's really all I have to say