Duality
“Yer sure do like yer baths,” Evergreen stated as he stood at the door, watching Chrysalis with a canted head.
“There is something peaceful about this,” Chrysalis said with a happy sigh. “The water is so lulling, and calm.”
“Ah know how yer feel,” Evergreen responded with a smile. He slipped into the room and movied over to the shelf, picking through the flowers he had drying.
“I am in no danger of falling sick,” Chrysalis said quickly, watching warily as Evergreen rummaged through his herbs, fearing that he had another plant to stuff against her nose.
“Ah’m not digging fer that,” Evergreen said, shooting her a look over his shoulder. “Ah’m looking for this.”
Evergreen held up a rather strange looking herb, leaning in to sniff at it for a moment. “This is what ah’m looking fer. Hospitals use it fer putting in drinks.”
“Why would a hospital put things in drinks?” Chrysalis asked with a wrinkled nose.
“It’s a relaxant,” Evergreen explained with a smile, waving the plant at her. “If yer strain it right, it doesn’t have any taste at all. It just makes yer very, very relaxed.”
“I am already quite relaxed,” Chrysalis stated calmly.
“Yer think that now,” Evergreen said with a grin, tossing the herb into the flames beneath the cauldron. As the herb shrivelled up and began to smoke, he stepped out of the room and closed the door.
Chrysalis felt a momentary touch of alarm as Evergreen left so abruptly, but.. she trusted him. As the acrid scent of the burning herb filled her nostrils, she blinked. Her shoulders drooped, and then her eyelids followed, almost closing. Every single muscle in her body relaxed and she gave a low groan of utter bliss.
Evergreen returned with some blocks of wood. As he nudged them under the cauldron to light it up again and keep it warm, he grinned at her. “Nice, isn’t it?”
Chrysalis tried to frame a response, but it was unintelligible, fading out into a soft groan.
The stallion grinned slightly, shaking his head, and then moving back over to the shelf. He return with a spiky fern, snapping it in half and slathering the sap of it across his hooves. “Now, just relax.”
A soft, indecisive sound left Chrysalis. She wanted to relax, but every single muscle was already so soft and pliable.
Evergreen’s hooves pressed against her shoulders, and one of her eyes opened to peer back at him. She remembered that morning, when she would have imagined horrible things upon him for merely touching her, and now? She... didn’t care. Not even a little bit.
And oh wow. His hooves felt good. Each press of his hooves seemed to just wash away in her muscles. Even after the relaxation caused by the herb being burned, there was a second layer of tension that was just so deeply ingrained that she didn’t even know it was there until it was washed away.
A soft moan left Chrysalis’ lips as the hooves pressed more firmly into her form, and she just sank into a blissful darkness unde Evergreen’s touch. It was just so relaxing. It was like nothing she had ever felt before. It was like sleeping on a cloud. She had actually done just that many a time when masquerading as a pegasus, but this was so much more relaxing.
Even the hard edge of the cauldron under her chin felt soft and gentle.
At some point, Chrysalis drifted off, because her eyes blinked open lazily as she felt herself being pulled out of the water. She staggered slightly, leaning heavily against the stallion with a faint sound, her eyes half-closed and her thoughts foggy. She couldn’t bring herself to support her full weight.
A towel was draped over her shoulders and a vigorous scrubbing motion rapidly removed lingering water from her fur.
And then she was being ushered towards the bed; and Evergreen was saying something to her in that cute accent of his. ‘Yer gotta lay down’ or something. And then she was on the bed. And it was divine. She was just so relaxed. She just wanted to sleep.
Chrysalis felt the stallion beginning to move away; and even though she couldn’t lift her head, she managed to murmur a command. “Lay with me.”
The stallion returned after a moment, his weight touching the edge of the bed. “Ah didn’t quite catch that, ma’am.”
“Lay with me,” Chrysalis flatly stated again, not even opening her eyes.
Evergreen shifted and moved away for a moment before returning. She felt the heavy weight of a blanket fall across her form and then the stallion worming in underneath them, carefully lying so that their forms weren’t touching.
“Stupid oaf. Put a hoof over me,” Chrysalis breathed, her tone short and demanding.
A soft chuckle sounded as though from far away and Chrysalis felt Evergreen squirm up against her back. “I’ll have yer know, this was yer idea, so if yer have any complaints in the mornin’ Ah’m gonna ignore em.”
“Tomorrow is tomorrow,” Chrysalis murmured faintly. “Now throw a hoof over me before I have to come over there and make you regret being so reluctant.”
Another soft chuckle left the colt and he shifted against her. A hoof lifted, and then laid over her chest gently as he rested his nose against her mane.
Chrysalis shifted almost imperceptibly so that she could feel the warmth and friction of his form against her own, just so she knew he was there.
So relaxed, soothed, laying in bed with a colt up against her.
Was this how couples felt when they lay in bed? Of all the stallions she’d lain in the same bed with, she had never felt anything for them at all. It wasn’t as though she was in love with Evergreen. She was fond of the big dumb oaf, she decided. He was... different. But lying with someone that she could see as well... as a pony rather than a mobile source of energy... well, it was certainly intriguing.
Maybe the blast from Cadance and Shining Armour had addled her senses. Maybe she was getting weak, or soft in her old age. But... all she knew was that this was nice. She had never been one for really relaxing like this. The need for energy was always present in her, a yawning hunger needing sating. But lying here with the warmth of a stallion against her back, a strong foreleg over her chest, and the added effects of the herb and whatever he had put on his hooves before massaging her, it was nice.
If Chrysalis weren’t so relaxed, she would have been alarmed with the realisation that she was actually content. She was laying in a bed with a woodspony whom she wouldn’t even have dreamed of allowing to touch her such a short time ago. And now she was content to lay in bed with him.
A part of her mind screamed for her to deny the relaxation, to shift and become uncomfortable and be the strong ruler that she was always intended to be.
But the relaxed part of her mind squashed it with an iron hoof. She was Cee, the Unicorn.
She was, for once, content.
A ray of sunlight woke Chrysalis and she stretched slowly, languidly. her forehooves pressed forwards slowly, shoulders tensing, and then relaxing in a glorious sensation of luxuriousness. She felt great. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so content.
After stretching, Chrysalis paused, her eyes blinking open. She stared at the wall of the cottage for a moment. Something was slightly amiss.
She was alone.
The warm weight of a hoof was no longer resting across her back, and Chrysalis actually felt mildly misled.
That big, stupid oaf. What right did he have to abandon her like that? How was she supposed to know what it felt like to wake up in some colt’s arms that she actually had a mild affection for, if he wasn’t there?
A faint sound of suppressed anger left Chrysalis and she willed her recalcitrant body to roll over, peering around the cottage. She blinked a little as she saw that Evergreen wasn’t there. The cottage was empty.
Taken by the strangest urge, Chrysalis rolled out of bed, and pulled the blanket tight about her shoulders, leaning down to peer under the bed for a moment. Well, he wasn’t there, either.
Huffing, Chrysalis moved over to the back door and pressed it open, looking about. Evergreen wasn’t in that room, or the bathing cauldron, either!
With a scowl, Chrysalis turned around, looking about, unsure on where Evergreen was. She moved over to the fireplace. It was already stoked and crackling nicely. But there was no indication on how long he had been gone.
Chrysalis splayed her ears as she cast her gaze about again. She felt... alone. It was bothersome. As she lay down in front of the fire, she decided that Evergreen needed a proper lesson about making her to wake up alone.
The front door opened and Chrysalis’ head shot up, eyes dilating as they blinked open. and she turned to stare at Evergreen pointedly, eyes narrowing. “And where were you?”
“Ah was gathering flowers.” Evergreen said, jingling his sack in response, letting her hear the clinking of glass. “There are some flowers that only bloom in the morning; and some that only bloom at midnight. Ah gotta rise early ter get the morning ones.”
“But...That...Just...No excuse!” Chrysalis growled in response, pointing at Evergreen.
“Didja miss me?” Evergreen teased, placing down his sack full of jars and perking an ear upwards.
“I did not,” Chrysalis hissed vehemently. But a tiny voice in the back of her mind asked: had she? He she really missed that dumb oaf when she woke up and couldn’t find him?
“Ah think yer lying, Princess,” Evergreen said with a grin as he moved to lie besides her, stretching his forehooves towards the fire to warm them.
Chrysalis glared at Evergreen for a long moment. She growled and shuffled closer. so she could flick the other end of the blanket over his form. After resting her head on her forehooves, she said coldly, “You will wake me before you leave next time.”
“Ahh... Yer looked so cute when yer were sleeping. Couldn’t bring myself ter wake yer,” Evergreen admitted, shaking his head a moment.
“I am not cute,” Chryselis scowled, “I am beautiful. A filly is cute.”
Evergreen rolled his eyes a moment, bopping Chrysalis on the nose with a hoof, watching her flail her own hoof at him in retaliation with a grin. “Cute.”
Chrysalis gave an angry huff at him. “Dumb oaf!”
“So. Cute,” Evergreen teased, grinning at her and bopping her nose again.
“I am going to remove your hoof if you do that again,” Chrysalis stated flatly.
Evergreen waggled his hoof in front of her nose. “But then Ah wouldn’t be able to give yer another massage.”
“I would sew it back on with twine,” Chrysalis said sweetly, batting her eyelids at him.
Evergreen rolled his eyes again, and then said confidently, “Yer wouldn’t harm me. Yer too fond of me.”
“You are such a big, stupid oaf,” Chrysalis said with a shake of her head, tempering it with a smile. “...But you’re alright.”
Evergreen grinned at that. “And yer a stuffy unicorn. but yer alright, too, Princess. Ah’ll have ter get going again soon. Ah need more things from Ponyville. Couldn’t get them all when we were there yesterday.”
“But it’s so early,” Chrysalis said, a faint whine working its way into her tone.
“Ah’m gonna be doing the mountain trail today. There’s herbs at the summit that the alchemists wanna get their hooves on. And ah gotta leave soon or ah’ll not get to Ponyville in time.
Chrysalis snorted dismissively, shifting closer to the woodspony. “Put your hoof over me.”
Evergreen raised a brow, not acquiescing, and saying unhappily, “Ah have to go.”
“Shut up, oaf,” Chrysalis said flatly, scowling and worming her way in under his foreleg, placing it just so against her side. “I will go to Ponyville for you.”
“Ah... don’t know if that’ll be such a good idea,” Evergreen said uncertainly.
“I won’t get lost.” Chrysalis scowled, shaking her head for a moment. “There’s a path. And I’ll leave a trail when I’m walking.”
“Ah’m not so afraid that yer’ll get lost. Ah’m more worried for anypony who yer come across while yer walking.” Evergreen teased with a grin. “And that yer will ‘negotiate’ with half ah Ponyville.”
“I will contain my entrepreneurial nature while I am in Ponyville,” Chrysalis stated, squirming in against him more closely and then resting her head on her forehooves, closing her eyes. “Now shush, oaf.”
A soft chuckle left the woodspony and her squeezed her gently with his foreleg, laying his head down besides her as well.
A few hours later found Chrysalis in Ponyville, carrying a small sack over her shoulder. Within was a jar of niteshade and several other plants she was to sell at the local alchemists.
Thankfully, all of Celestia’s Royal guards seemed to have return to Canterlot; they were nowhere to be found. If Chrysalis was right, the guards would only sweep Ponyville once every day, maybe twice, looking for ponies who were out of place.
First, Chrysalis sold the flowers and herbs to the alchemy stores. Finishing there, carry pouch jingling happily with bits, she went to the unicorn’s store to sell the niteshade. She would relish the shopkeeper’s fear of her. It was nice to be feared and respected.
The bell atop the door jingled as Chrysalis pushed it open, and she smiled as she trotted up to the counter.
The shopkeeper looked up over the top of a newspaper, raising a brow at her. “Good morning.”
Immediately Chrysalis saw that something was amiss. He wasn’t afraid of her.
“You remember me?” Chrysalis asked sweetly, trying to jog his memory of her previous threats.
“Indeed,” he stated. “Evergreen’s apprentice?”
Blinking once, Chrysalis gave an uncertain nod. Somehow, she felt as though she had just walked into a dragon’s den. Swallowing down the feeling of foreboding, she pulled out the jar of niteshade, placing it on the counter. “I wish to sell this.”
“I’ll give you a good price for that.” The shopkeeper said with a pleasant smile, reaching into the till and dropping two bits into her hoof.
Chrysalis stared at him for a moment, still holding out her hoof as he went back to reading his newspaper.
Chrysalis cleared her throat after a moment, quite loudly. The newspaper lowered, and the shopkeeper raised a brow. “Is there a problem?”
“This is insufficient,” Chrysalis said, motioning towards the two bits with her nose.
“Actually, that is quite a good price,” the shopkeeper countered.
Chrysalis growled, dropping the bits onto the counter and then jumping up to put both hooves on the counter. She scowled at him over it, her eyes narrowing. “You have no idea who you’re dealing with.”
“In fact, I have a better idea than you think,” he replied calmly. He dropped the newspaper down onto the counter with a sly grin, his eyes narrowing.
Chrysalis’ ears splayed backwards at the change in the shopkeeper’s demeanor. “...What?”
“Well, first, you were Cee, Evergreen’s apprentice; and then suddenly, his uncle’s adopted child?” he asked, arching a brow with a shrewd smile.
“You didn’t think I could be both?!” Chrysalis asked, scowling at him, her eyes narrowing slowly.
The shopkeeper gave a faint laugh and then shook his head, saying in a silky tone, “You are actually Evergreen’s brother’s adopted child, or so the story goes. Your cover needs a little work.”
Chrysalis’s ears flattened once more, and she recoiled slightly. She bit her bottom lip a moment, realising that she had been caught in a fallacy.
“Ah. It’s a helpless feeling, isn’t it?” the shopkeeper said with a sly grin. “Knowing that your fate is held in the hoof of someone else.”
Chrysalis slipped her hooves from the counter, ears dropping, head held low. “What do you want?”
“I want for you to give me the niteshade for two bits,” the shopkeeper stated calmly, grinning.
“That’s...it?” Chrysalis asked, seemingly surprised, raising a brow at him for a moment. “You are a gentlecolt.”
The shopkeeper looked confused. “How do you mean?”
“Oh...it’s nothing,” Chrysalis said, forlornly taking the two bits and putting them in her pouch.
“No. Tell me,” the shopkeeper ordered, his eyes narrowing.
Chrysalis sat on her haunches, turning slightly so that her mane covered her face from his view. “It’s just that...a lot of colts in your position would take advantage of their position of power a lot more readily. Having a young mare all alone in their shop, at their whims...”
Trailing off, Chrysalis moved towards the door, lifting a hoof to open it as she said, “So...thank you.”
The shopkeeper bounded around the counter, quickly placing a hoof on the door to stop her. He grinned down at her for a long moment, his eyes bright and eager. He carefully slipped the sign over to ‘closed’. “Actually...I am not nearly as gentlemanly as you thought.”
Chrysalis whimpered faintly as the shopkeeper ushered her into one of the back rooms. Affecting the guise of an innocent, helpless mare, bottom lip quivering, she asked, “W-what do you want?”
“...I want you,” the shopkeeper replied with a low, eager growl. “And I will have you. And if you don’t let me, I’ll tell the Royal Guard all about your little cover story. And whatever troubles you have will all come following you here.”
Chrysalis let tears spring up in her eyes as he pressured her into a storeroom. The shelves were all stocked with jars and vials of alchemical ingredients, most of them bright and colourful. She knew from studies of nature that the more brightly coloured a thing was, the more likely it was to be poisonous.
The stallion closed the door behind them, licking his lips. Chrysalis could hear that his breathing had increased in tempo, the shopkeeper growing more eager as his eyes roamed over her form.
“V-very well,” Chrysalis breathed, shuddering as she turned to face him.
With a low growl, he leaned into kiss at her neck and along her mane eagerly. Chrysalis tentatively lifted a hoof to touch at his own.
“I-I don’t know what to do...” Chrysalis whined, her ears pinning back.
“Touch me,” he growled commandingly.
Chrysalis went quiet, lifting her hooves to run through his long mane, her ears splaying backwards. He hadn’t given her a choice, really. She had to do this. But... that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy it, did it? She leaned closer to him, letting their chests touch.
“Lay down.” Chrysalis husked, pressing on his shoulders with her forehooves.
The shopkeeper gave a low growl of delight, and nodded eagerly. He laid himself down on the cold floor of the stock room, grinning up at her naively.
Chrysalis stared down at him for a moment, moving to straddle his form, her stomach resting on his back as she gently kneaded her hooves through his mane. She rested her nose against his forehead, just above his horn, staring down into his eyes. Her own eyes closed and she let out a shuddering breath, gently twining her hooves through his mane. The strands were just long enough for what she intended.
“I-I want to tell y-you what my secret is,” Chrysalis breathed, her tone nervous. Her eyes remaining closed the entire time.
The unicorn stallion grinned up at her for a moment, his head canting slightly. “Go on.”
Chrysalis’ eyes flicke open... but they weren’t their usual pink. They were an unearthly, demonic green. A low laugh bubbled from her throat as the stallion’s eyes widened. Grinning evilly, she leaned in to breathe into his ear in a gentle tone. “I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings.”
A look of horror crossed the shopkeeper’s face. He opened his mouth to scream for help, but it was already too late. Chrysalis’ hooves, carefully positioned since the start, crossed quickly and then began to squeeze. Pulled taught, his own mane was now closing his windpipe. Standing over him, Chrysalis was in the perfect position to hold him down with her weight as she began to choke the life from him with his very own mane.
Chrysalis leaned in closer, watching with evident interest and relish as the life slowly drained from his eyes. The wide, scared orbs quivering slightly, misting over as the body beneath her began to go still. A soft, faint gurgle bubbled up from the shopkeepers throat, his tongue splaying from his mouth as it fell open. His eyes rolled upwards, and his faint struggles ceased.
Chrysalis smiled down at him as she released his mane and shifted to rub a gentle hoof along his chin, leaning down to whisper lovingly into an ear, “I told you I would destroy you...”
Rising to her hooves again, Chrysalis calmly moved over to the door, opening it and slipping out to the counter.
Closing her eyes, Chrysalis let her magic wash over her, returning her eyes to normal. She picked up the jar of niteshade she had brought. Humming happily, she picked out eighteen more bits from the till, placed them in her pouch, and then kicked over a broom resting on the wall, to make it appear as though the shopkeeper had tripped.
Chrysalis closed her eyes again and began to breath in and out rapidly, working up to helpless sobs. Tears started to stream down her face as she turned and tossed the glass jar over her shoulder into the storeroom, hearing it shatter with a satisfying sound.
Holding her breath, Chrysalis walked to the front door and flipped the sign over to ‘open’, to make everything appear as it was when she arrived. She then took several steps backwards, squaring her stance. She bounded over to the front door at full speed, crashing right through the glass, landing in a splayed heap in front of the ship. She felt cuts all over her face and neck from the broken glass.
Chrysalis staggered to her hooves as eyes were drawn to the crashing of the glass, and she began to whimper out helpless cries.
“Help! H-help!”
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I'm not sure on how you did it, but you seem to know when I get caught up with the story And THEN you update.
Commence reading in three, two, one...
once again, amazing.
is it possible,
can i favorite this twice?
Wow. Cold, I like her style.
Oh yes.. We think we are starting to like Chrysalis.
noice mate
The flow of the story was off in this chapter. At first, her pointing out the shopkeeper's "gentlemanly" behaviour seemed like a bait so she could trap him somehow. Then she was a whimpering little filly and then all of a sudden she just killed him. There was no build-up and no steady seguing from one feeling and atmosphere to the next.
It's really quite rushed, and there are numerous spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors. What you need is a good editor.
Haha!
Best. Chapter. Ever.
I am not even able to properly form the words required to tell you how awesome this is and why I like it so much.
Just...just yes. Yesssssss.
495233 I was trying not to give away her intentions through her 'inner voice'. She baited him into it, yes, with the specific intent of ending of his life. But if I revealed that from the start...I feel as though it would take something from the scene. So you see the act she put on for him to draw him into the trap, and nothing else.
Wow, your churning these out fast
. Not that I'm complaining 
. I'd say keep up the good work, but that'd be a little selfish 
.
This was amazing timing. I have to write an essay, just finished the rough draft for it, and the perfect side track comes along. How do you write so fast and well?
STEALTH KILL
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs7/2766195_o.gif
495256
Hrm... I think you need to try and make it less ambiguous for the readers, otherwise it can come off as just a little shoddy. Still, I stand by my recommendation of seeking out an editor.
495280 do you know anyone who would proof read 24,000 words in three days?
495288
I would, if I had time (which I don't, sorry), but there lies your problem. You're churning these things out way too fast and it's affecting the quality. If you take time to go over the chapters yourself or put them under more thought and scrutiny as you write them, then they'd be better quality. As it is, writing 24,000 words in three days is making the quality suffer. You can afford to spend at least a few days each chapter; it's not a race.
Oh... I _approve_.
A pity this is likely to attract the attention of the Guard, but considering the alternative...
Also, she complains about Evergreen in an earlier chapter, saying how she got stronger hits off stallions glancing at her in passing. If that's the case, shouldn't she have got _something_ off the shopkeeper. Or does she have cause to be worried?
Finally, “You are a gentleman.” ...What is this 'man' of which you speak?
495288
You could probably find at least one person amongst your new fans here.
24,000 words isn't a lot, considering that there are days where I read over 500k words just because. I'd do it for you, but with work and whatnot I doubt I'd be able to keep up with your monstrous pace.
I think you're doing fine, and in my opinion that particular scene was handled just fine. It would have killed the suspense if you just straight up revealed her intentions from the beginning, and honestly it was obvious enough to me at least to guess what was happening.
Keep on keeping on man.
...smart mare.
OH MY BACON SO MANY UPDATE.
Muahahahahahahaaaaaaa, GLORIOUS.
Edit: I thought it was pretty obvious that Chrysalis was baiting the shopkeeper into it. And I loved every minute of it.
yay
495311
Attention of the guard? But he merely tripped over that broom, smashed the jar of Niteshade by accident, and killed himself with the poisonous pollen. Honest!
chapter is still nice and the confrontation was ok too. maybe a bit rushed but its nice to see how cee is changing. i found an error somewhere when i first read it minutes after posting and now i can't seem to find it to point it out. maybe you fixed it in that case it's good you caught on.
Methinks Chrysalis has played Hitman before.
Literally.
Wow, this is getting really good Anonymous Pegasus, I am thoroughly hooked into this story. I am really looking forward to more updates.
I am liking her cold nature, but now I feel she would definitely be punished if Celestia caught her again. I guess I really liked seeing her fall from power when she was caught the first time. I have a feeling Evergreen is going to find out too.
Also there was a couple of grammar issues
“I did not.” she hissed vehemently. But a tiny voice in the back of her mind; it asked: had she? He she really missed that dumb oaf when she woke up and couldn’t find him?
and
Chrysalis felt a momentary touch of alarm as he did that, but..she trusted him.
But in all honesty, I could care less about mistakes at the rate this story is being produced. Its no fun when you want to read something but cant. Great work. Any news on the next chapter?
495549 I'll probably go through and clean it all right up once I'm done with the story and see why Equestria Daily won't accept it.
as for the next chapter, I haven't started writing it yet, if that's what you're asking. Lawls. Still deciding what direction to take the story. I have the overarching story plot to finish; but how I get there is still up in the air.
Not that I would ever question Municipal Engines and his methods, but maybe different things work for different people. If you feel that something is good, or you have inspiration then please write it and post it. I mean we've all enjoyed what we're reading so far with the way you're currently doing it. And if you reread and edit to the point where you become bogged down and then grow bored with the story, I might
495568
I figure EQD is very hesitant to accept a Chrysalis story, since they are probably being flooded by them.
But again great story
495592 Indeed. But I get denied on account of my technical writing skills. I'm not that good a writer. I'm just very good at making it seem like I can write.
495605
Really, your writing seems fine, great IMO. But then again I am terribly writer. I can not grasp grammar that well. I am a scientist, I only need my numbers
495335 yeah i agree. If somebody said stuff like that to me in real life, i would instantly suspect a plan
She is so Machiavellian it's not even funny O.o
But it's an awesome story! :D
The speed in which you pop these out is amazing. Awesome chapter and I disagree with whats his face up there in the comments, your quality did not suffer. I liked how you made it so that Chrysalis looked like a victim then had her kill that damn alchemist. Great stuff, keep em coming... Don't hold out on me man, I need my fix!
495191 We need to figure out how. This story kicks all kinds of ass.
495568
And darn, I was hoping for another chapter tonight to help get me through, now I r sad.
This is great!
Also, kind of unrelated, but is it weird this song kind of reminds me of Chrysalis?
Damn, I would have helped edit this two days ago, too bad I have to make an animation.
I just hope you can find a good editor, while the quality hasn't declined to a breaking point, you can't keep going forever.
Anyways, I just say all this nonsense because I love this story
This is just so fuckin' amazing, love this chapter!~
YOUR LITERATURE SKILLS ARE GOD LIKE COMPARED TO MINE!!!
My good Brony, I noticed the comments for how you need to improve your grammar. I'm always spotting a word or two that is amiss, but nothing more. Now I am offering only once. I am available for the next month and four days. If you need an editor, just ask me and we can exchange info to make editing possible.
I like where the story is now. I like where it came from in the first place. I would love to see where it goes next. I have no problems with this and I hang on to every word as I read. So good job and kudos to you my dear Brony.
Think about my offer. I am a fast reader and a good eye. I'll help you right.
Adieu~
She's falling for Evergreen, but she's still a cold-hearted emotion-sucking parasite of a Queen. Thing between her and Evergreen do seem to be movign pretty fast though...
I'm not sure if killing the shopkeeper was an appropriate level of retribution for his attempts to blackmail her. It's brutal, but she does stand to lose a lot - that is everything - if she comes under scrutiny from the Guard or Celestia again...
Keep cranking these out. You're making me jealous
495933 Well, PM me your gmail info x3 I have all the chapters in a folder there that I can share. I figures I could just open them all up and let people comment wherever they want on what grammer/spelling is wrong. But I still need to go back and fine-tooth-comb them once I'm done with the story.
Niteshade reminds me of the Lindstrat air gun from The Lost World (novel version). More specifically, it reminds me of the darts that went into said Lindstrat: filled with the venom of Conus purpurascens (South Sea cone shell). Most powerful neurotoxin in the world, apparently. Acts within two-thousandths of a second, and lethal. You're dead before you feel the dart prick you. Terrifying, isn't it?
Of course, you can see how I could compare Niteshade and this venom, eh?
(The venom... I actually don't know if it's fictional, real but exaggerated, or entirely true. I should Google it, LOL.)
... You, good sir, deserve a thousand brohooves. Making us fall in love with a cold-hearted, filthy, murdering, manipulative little Bitch. Wow. NOICE! /]
amazing. Please update!
495288 i probably could not like a do alot else!
Damn, I love your enthusiasm! You can come over to my house and... wait, I don't have sister, but you're still awesome, man!
Second time in wrote comment to the wrong story, damn
496117 The more I try to comprehend that sentence, the more my head hurts.
Another great chapter! Can't wait for the next one. But how will Evergreen handle finding out Cee true form!?!?!
496365
Oh wait, so she was in the form of a unicorn and NOT a changeling this whole time?
I must have skipped over that part.
496365 The more interesting question: How will Chrysalis take his taking of her true form?