• Published 2nd Nov 2014
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Twilight Manages to Screw Up More Than Usual - Fire Gazer the Alchemist



Twilight has to find the Elements of Harmony to stop Nightmare Moon... and she screws it up.

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Twilight yawned, cracked her neck and stretched. The covers wrapped around her body were inviting her to sleep a little longer, bombarding her with warmth from all sides. She resisted the urge to fall back asleep as she kicked the blankets away. It was time to get to work.

“Mornin’ Twily.”

She turned to her brother, who was standing on the other side of the room. Already he was putting on his armor in preparation.

“Morning, Shining.” She smiled and turned to the rest of the beds in the room. Nopony else was awake yet, but they were about to be. Trotting over to the nearest sleeper, Vinyl, Twilight cleared her throat. “Time to get up.”

All she got in response was a groan. Vinyl shifted under her covers to face away.

Twilight narrowed her eyes, unamused. “Vinyl, wake up.”

“Err.” Vinyl rolled back over and cracked one eye open. “What time is it?”

“Crack of dawn,” Shining answered, sliding his helmet over his shaggy mane.

“Blargh. Can we sleep a little longer? ‘Cause I’m more of a crack of noon girl, to be honest.”

“Vinyl.” Twilight was not in the mood to deal with this right now.

“I’m gettin’ up.” Vinyl wiggled free of her bed. “Keep your horn on, Smart Mare.”

“Thank you.” Twilight looked to the rest of the room. Her bickering with Vinyl had knocked everypony else into consciousness and they were already being far more compliant. Spike, Lyra and Octavia were almost in standing position, and Cadance had sat up.

“Good morning, Princess,” Shining said with cold professionalism.

Twilight could see Cadance’s face fall a little. “Same to you, Captain.”

Silence fell between them as she got out of bed. Twilight felt her jaw clench at their interactions. Ever since Cadance’s revelation last night, she’d been fighting the urge to slap a little sense into her brother and make him talk things out. She could understand his contempt now, but she was getting sick of it.

“So, we should probably go check on Bon Bon and Derpy, right?” Lyra asked.

“Oh, yeah.” Twilight had forgotten they were still on guard duty. They should be fine though, so long as Derpy had kept to her promise of not removing any more of Nightmare’s restraints.

Everypony gathered their belongings and made their way out of the room. Shining split off from the group to check out of the hotel while everypony else went around back.

Unconsciously, Twilight prepared for the worst. She knew neither Derpy or Bon Bon were incompetent and she highly doubted Nightmare Moon could escape her bonds anyway, but nevertheless she felt worried. Mentally she readied herself for the worst case scenario.

She rounded the corner of the inn, only to stop short. Nightmare Moon was still there, luckily, but she was also… dozing.

Not just any type of dozing. Her head was resting in Derpy’s lap as she snored comfortably.

Twilight felt her jaw hit the ground. She looked from Derpy, who was casually chewing a blueberry muffin as if the embodiment of all evil wasn’t currently using her as a pillow, to Bon Bon, who was stamping out the remnants of the campfire.

The sound of hoofsteps behind her followed by their abrupt stop let Twilight know that everypony else had caught up to her and had each just stopped in shock at the sight before them.

While Twilight was still blinking in surprise, Cadance managed to regain enough composure to eloquently communicate everyone’s feelings. “Uh…”

They both turned at the sound, but Derpy merely smiled. “Hey girls!”

Twilight grappled to find her voice. “I… You… What are you doing?”

Derpy cocked her head in legitimate confusion for a moment. Her eyes lit up with understanding when she saw the direction they were all looking in. “Oh, you mean her?” She indicated Nightmare.

“Yes!”

“She kinda pigged out on muffins and needed a nap.”

Nightmare ear flicked up and down while she shifted in Derpy's lap. “World domination…zzzz…is finally mine...zzz…”

“Aw, she’s having a dream.”

Octavia stepped forward. “Derpy, no offense, but are you completely insane?”

“Oh, leave her alone,” Bon Bon chimed in. “She’s not doing any harm.”

“You mean, besides the fact that she gave away our breakfast to Nightmare Moon?” Vinyl stared at the empty muffin bin by the dying fire.

Bon Bon pinched her lips together and withdrew a brand new box of treats from her saddlebags.

“Nevermind, I’m good.”

“I’m not!” Twilight growled. “Derpy, how can you be so nonchalant about this?”

“Oh, come on, Twilight. She’s harmless right now.”

Nightmare’s leg twitched. “Zzz…death to my enemies...zzz…”

“See? Harmless.”

“Right…”

More hoofsteps clopped against the ground behind them. “Hey, we’re good to go— Uh…”

Twilight turned, seeing her brother wearing a shocked expression.

“Don’t worry, you aren’t seeing things,” Vinyl assured him.

Shining looked like he didn’t know what to say. His jaw remained unhinged for a few moments longer as he absorbed the sight before him.

Cadance cleared her throat. “Maybe it would be best to wake her up. We need to get moving soon.”

Lyra warily glanced down. “A-Are you sure about that? I thought the old saying was ‘don’t poke a sleeping bear’.”

“I’ve got it.” Bon Bon said. She brought her muffin box over, letting it rest just underneath Nightmare Moon’s nose. Popping the lid open, Bon Bon let the scent of muffins waft upwards.

Nightmare’s face twitched at the scent. Her eyes fluttered open a second later. Her slitted pupils glanced around at everyone and curiosity registered on her face as she likely wondered why everypony was looking at her. As she glanced over at the owner of the lap her head was resting in, realization slapped her across the face.

“Gah!” Jerking upwards, Nightmare flailed as best she could away from Derpy. Her chains clanged together as she flopped on the ground. When her spasm ended, she looked back up at everypony. “You saw nothing!” she hissed.

Twilight scrunched her face in annoyance. “Sure, whatever. Let’s just get to the Tree of Harmony so we can reform you.”

Nightmare grunted.

“Well, before we do that.” Bon Bon fully removed the lid, exposing a dozen cinnamon muffins to everypony. “How about some breakfast?”

Twilight’s stomach grumbled at the sight and as everypony gathered around to eat, she didn’t raise any objections.


Not even fifteen minutes later, Twilight was walking to the Everfree Forest, stomach full and content.

“Bon Bon, you’ve outdone yourself.”

Beside her, a cream-colored face became distinctly redder. “Oh come on, they aren’t that good.”

“Liar,” Lyra called out, a few paces behind her.

“It sure beats the stuff they serve the guards.” Shining grinned and looked over to Bon Bon. “Where’d you learn to cook like that?”

Bon Bon looked to the ground, shuffling her hooves as they continued on. “Oh, you know… places…”

Shining tilted his head, but didn’t press the issue.

“Well, if you ever want a job in Canterlot, just come talk to me,” Cadance said. “I’d give you a spot in the Royal Bakery in a heartbeat.”

“T-Thank you.”

“Hey, you better not be trying to steal away my new Head Chef,” Nightmare snarled.

Cadance bit her lip. “Uh…”

Twilight coughed, forcing attention to herself. “Let’s focus on getting to the Tree of Harmony.”

Up ahead, the Everfree Forest loomed on the horizon. The gritty dirt of the desert below them slowly gave way to black grass that crunched under their hooves. Twilight stopped short of the shady trees at the edge of the forest and allowed everypony to cluster behind her.

Cadance was trying not to make direct eye contact with the forest, likely the result of nerves. Twilight couldn’t blame her; nopony enjoyed their first time in the forest. One rung up on the anxiety scale was Spike, who had a cold sweat forming on his brow. He offered Twilight a nervous smile and a puffed out chest when he noticed she was looking at him, but dropped it the moment her eyes moved on.

Shining was on the other end of the spectrum. Clad in armor and jaw set, he looked determined, ready, even impatient.

Her acquaintances ran the gamut of emotions in between. Vinyl had an cocky grin blazoned on her face, Lyra was chewing on her bottom lip, Bon Bon shuffled her hooves in uncertainty, Octavia pressed her lips together and Derpy merely smiled with hope.

Twilight also looked over to Nightmare Moon, trying to gauge her feelings. She was… grinning. Mischievously.

That doesn’t bode well.

She filed that away in her mind, not needing another worry to dwell on.

“So, Smart Mare, what’s the plan?”

“Plan?” All eyes were on her.

“Well, you do have one, right?” Octavia asked. “You don’t actually expect us to walk around the Everfree Forest blindly hoping we find the tree, right?’

Twilight snorted. “Of course not. That’s Plan B.” Everypony stared at her awkwardly. Coughing, Twilight amended the statement. “That was a joke.”

“You can make those?” Vinyl asked, eyes widening.

“Yes,” Twilight growled, a little annoyed that none of them could believe she had anything remotely resembling a sense of humor.

“Huh, you learn something new everyday.”

Anyway,” Twilight grumbled. “I do have a plan.” With her magic, Twilight opened one of the pockets of her saddlebags and removed a small tome. Opening it and flipping through the pages, she turned it around to face the group. “This book has a comprehensive list of some of the most advanced tracking spells ever devised.”

Skeptically, Cadance raised her brow. “A tracking spell? No offense, Twilight, but I think if the Tree of Harmony could be tracked then my aunt would’ve found a way to do that by now.”

Nightmare snorted. “I feel you’re putting too much faith in the intelligence of the pony who came up with the first plan to ‘reform’ me.”

Twilight bit back a retort to defend her mentor, not wanting to stoop to Nightmare’s level. “Princess Celestia did say in her notes that tracking spells would be ineffective. It took her years to find the Tree of Harmony the first time when she used them.”

“Whoa, years?” Bon Bon shook her head. “I can’t be away from my shop that long, Twilight.”

“Yeah, and we’ll miss Music-ade,” Vinyl threw in.

Lyra’s eyes darted to the left. “Bummer.”

“Hold on, let me finish.” Twilight lowered the spell book. “Look, the reason the tracking spells took so long for her was because each time they always showed the tree to be in a different location, before and after she found it.”

“So… it moves?” Shining asked.

“That’s what Princess Celestia thought too, but… I’m not so sure.” This tilted a few heads. “Look, when I was combing through the Princess’s notes, she mentioned something about how the Tree’s roots spread all over Equestria. I think maybe this means the Tree’s magic might spread along those roots and obscure any spell trying to pinpoint its location.”

“So… wait, you’re just going to do something you know won’t work?” Lyra asked.

“And I thought my sister was stupid,” Nightmare muttered.

Twilight lowered her eyelids. “Let me finish, please.”

Nightmare rolled her eyes. “Very well, continue making a fool out of yourself.”

Clearing her throat, Twilight looked back towards the more reasonable members of the group. “As I was saying, a regular tracking spell won’t get us to where we want to go, so I plan to do something a little… irregular.”

“Blow up the Everfree?” Vinyl asked.

“Wha— No!”

“Burn down the Everfree?” Derpy suggested.

“No!”

“Aid me in my plan to eclipse the sun, usurp Celestia and rule Equestria with an iron hoof?” Nightmare tossed out.

“Shut up!” Twilight ground her teeth together. That last thing she needed was her concentration in shambles.

“You okay, Twilight?” Spike asked.

“Dandy,” she muttered, her jaw practically sewn shut. She breathed deeply, attempting to dispel her anger. “All right, look. My plan is actually very simple. I’m going to combine the basic principles of these spells to create a new one that can pinpoint the Tree’s location.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Shining shook his head. “Combine spells? Twily, you do realize you just used the definition of complex to describe the word simple, right?”

“Yeah,” Cadance admitted. “I may not be that good at magic theory, but even I know that what you’re suggesting is—”

“—is crazy, I know.” Twilight turned the spell book around to face her. “But I was studying the theories behind it before the Summer Sun Celebration debacle, and I think I can apply them here.”

“Without practice?” Shining looked wary.

“Oh no, I practiced. The new scorch marks in the library can attest to that.”

“You made those?” Spike asked. He wiped his brow, sighing with relief. “Thank goodness. I thought I’d started breathing fire in my sleep or something.”

“Wait, scorch marks?” Octavia furrowed her brows. “Twilight, just how dangerous is this idea?”

Twilight looked up from the book for a moment and tapped her chin. “Um… somewhat?”

“How about on a scale of one to Ursa Minor?” Vinyl asked.

“...eleven.”

Vinyl nodded thoughtfully. “Well, we’re screwed.”

“Hey, I think I’ve figured it out!” Twilight snapped. She turned to the other girls. “You all trust me, right?”

They all shifted awkwardly, refusing to meet her gaze.

“If I say yes can I still back away for safety when you cast the spell?” Derpy asked.

Twilight sighed, but couldn’t really blame them. She wasn’t really putting her best hoof forward when it came to assuaging their fears. “I was going to suggest that anyway.” Looking towards the forest, Twilight tucked away the spell tome away in her saddlebags. “And since that’s the case, stand back everypony.”

She didn’t look back, but she could practically hear some of them trample over each other to put some distance between themselves and the potential explosion. Taking a deep breath and channeling energy to her horn, Twilight prepared herself.

Step one was undoubtedly the easiest: find the Harmony magic. Equestria was brimming with it, while the Everfree lacked substantially. In almost an instant Twilight could sense an island of respite in the ocean of chaos before her.

Step two, on the other hoof, was undoubtedly the hardest: pinpoint the Tree. The spell Twilight was currently casting could only sense magic. What she needed now was a tracer that could find exactly what she was sensing and that’s where the second spell came in. Calmly, slowly, carefully, Twilight started casting again. The veins on her forehead strained into view as she struggled to form the new spell while keeping the old one running.

The air around her sparked with volatile magic. Everypony behind her watched with a combination of bated breath and premature flinches. For a brief moment the spell felt like it might go haywire, like it had in all of her previous tries. Gritting her teeth, Twilight refused to give an inch.

I am not going to fail! Not this time!

With a burst of energy the spell went active. Twilight eyes squeezed shut, but the light from her magic made it hard to tell the difference. Everything became engulfed in a painful brightness. Faintly, Twilight heard everypony grunt in pain.

Thankfully, the light only lasted a brief second, but in that second Twilight’s heart nearly stopped for fear of blowing herself up. Again.

She was able to breathe a sigh of relief when that didn’t happen, though. The light quickly faded away, the air humming as the magic fizzled away.

Twilight stumbled backwards as her horn flickered off. She was lightheaded and more than a little drained. Her hair whizzed in front of her face and she was vaguely aware of the sensation of falling. A moment later she jerked to a stop.

Looking up, she saw her brother’s concerned face and realized he must’ve caught her. As sensation came flooding back, she confirmed this by what felt like a hoof propped against her back. She slowly stood back up.

“You feeling all right, Twily?” he asked.

Twilight nodded. “Y-yeah. I just… feel a bit winded. That took a lot to pull off.”

“Did you even pull it off?” Vinyl asked as everypony else crowded around her with concern. Nightmare Moon was the only one to hold off on this activity, electing instead to roll her eyes and continue existing in the same state of constant dissatisfaction.

“There weren’t any explosions, so that’s a good sign,” Lyra realized.

The strength slowly returned to her muscles and Twilight managed to return to a standing position. As she did, her eyes glanced over the dark expanse of the Everfree. Information bloomed in her head the second she did: a series of directions that could only lead to one place.

A smile broke out on her face. “Oh yeah, it worked.”

“Sweet!” Vinyl hoof pumped. “That much closer to having a new nightclub buddy.”

“Do not delude thyself” Nightmare furiously declared. “I said I shall go on a nighttime excursion to one of these new-fangled clubs with you as my guide. I refute your claim of buddy-ism! I refute!”

Derpy giggled and nudged Twilight. “She almost sounds a bit like you when you denied our friendship.”

Twilight furrowed her brows. “Uh… yeah…”

Cadance looked between their group and the forest. “Are we ready to go in, then?”

“I think so.” Twilight turned to her acquaintances. “Are you girls ready for this? There’s still time to back out if you don’t want to—”

“Forget it, Smart Mare. We’re sticking to you like a bad pop song to the top of the charts.” Vinyl flipped her shades over her face and grinned.

“Like icing on dessert muffins,” Derpy added.

“Like uh…” Lyra pinched her lips together. “Well, I can’t think of a simile right now, but I’m with you too.”

Octavia nodded. “I wouldn’t let you go in there without me.”

“I’m sticking around too.” Bon Bon slid a frying pan out of her saddlebags and twirled it around in her hoof. “We can handle anything the Everfree can throw at us.”

For a brief moment, everypony froze to drink in Bon Bon’s choice of weapon. Lyra snorted and playfully shoved her friend. “You did not bring that!”

“I told you, this thing is a deadly weapon in the right hooves.” Bon Bon returned the frying pan to its snug place in her pocket.

“Well, the Royal Guard doesn’t exactly classify kitchenware as lethal…” Shining grinned. “But I like the enthusiasm.” His smile dropped as he glanced over to Cadance and nudged his head in the direction. “Princess.”

“Right.” Cadance glumly nodded. The two of them flanked Nightmare Moon on both sides, ready to defend her if necessary and prevent her from escaping when necessary.

Spike hopped up on Twilight’s back and she smiled at him. “You just focus on staying safe, all right?”

“Twilight, come on, you’re talking to a guy who breathes fire.” He puffed out his chest. “I’m here to keep you safe.”

She couldn’t hold back a few light giggles. “You just might.”

“Well come on then.” Lyra waved them all towards the forest and began walking towards it. “Unless you guys really are scar— AHH!” Lyra leapt backwards as a nearby bush emitted an almost insect-like screech. Nightmare snorted to herself.

Twilight trotted forward, followed by everypony else. Already she was preparing herself to engage whatever creature was lurking at the edge of the forest. For a moment, the bush rustled.

Lyra retreated as Twilight sparked her horn to life. Her magic wasn’t very potent after her combination spell, but she was certain she could handle whatever lurked in such a small bit of shrubbery. Behind her, she heard Spike take in a deep breath, likely ready to give her back up in the form of a belched inferno.

The bush stirred again. Twilight narrowed her eyes, but before she could blast it, a ferret poked its head out from the tiny leaves. Twilight blinked and moved her head back as the rodent sniffed the air around them before leaping out of the bush and scurrying off into the woods.

“Huh…” Twilight turned to Lyra. “You okay?”

“Uh… yeah.” Lyra’s face was the appropriate amount of red for somepony who’d just been startled by a ferret. “I really need to stop being the first to walk into scary situations.”

“It was really more of a minor startle this time,” Vinyl correct. “But yeah.”

“I could’ve sworn it was a cicada or something by the way it sounded,” Lyra said as she watched the ferret vanish beneath some underbrush.

“It did kind of sound like one,” Twilight admitted. “But don’t worry, bugs will be the least of our problems in the Everfree.”

“We finally ready to get started for real?” Shining asked from the back of the group.

Twilight nodded and took the lead this time. Her mental map guided her as she started them down the path to the Everfree.

As the last of them crossed the forest’s threshold, the bush rustled again. The only one to notice, Nightmare Moon, merely spat in its general direction out of spite for, well, everything.

When they were a good distance away, a sharp blue pair of glowing eyes poked out, watching them wander into the forest. For a moment, the owner of the eyes paused, taking in the sights, sounds and tastes of these new interlopers. A wicked grin formed on its face and it sunk back into the bushes.

This would be an interesting thing to report.