Trenderhoof comes to visit Ponyville for the Ponyville Days festival and falls in love with Applejack. There's only one problem: She already has a stallion friend. What will Trend do?
Story intersects "Simple Ways" episode in places, but contains more drama.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My friend, when a different character begins speaking, you need to start a new paragraph. For instance...
"Oh, Sweetie. You really shouldn't startle me like that, dear. I'm designing the Ponyville Days festival, isn't it marvelous?" Rarity replied, somewhat startled by Sweetie's sudden appearance. "It looks great, but you don't even know if you're going to be the pony of ceremonies, or whatever it is. And couldn't that have waited until it was actually day?"
Should be more along the lines of...
"Oh, Sweetie. You really shouldn't startle me like that, dear. I'm designing the Ponyville Days festival, isn't it marvelous?" Rarity replied, somewhat startled by Sweetie's sudden appearance.
"It looks great, but you don't even know if you're going to be the pony of ceremonies, or whatever it is. And couldn't that have waited until it was actually day?"
You see? even though you've fudged the dialogue tag, it still makes it easier to tell that Rarity and Sweetie Belle have spoken, instead of Rarity sitting there arguing with herself while Sweetie watches.
5090360 I have to agree the story does get confusing that way, other than that I really like it and do hope you contenue.
5090360 That does make more sense that way. Thanks for the heads up.
5090414 Thanks, I have the next chapter started, so it will be up in the next couple of days.