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Admiral Biscuit
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Admiral Biscuit
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Ah ah, nicely build up, until the reveal.
I'd thought of the possible problems with interspecies sex with regard to Dragons and Ponies, for the same reason -- Dragons are obviously archosaurs, as are birds, all real surviving archosaurs (avians and crocodilians) have cloacas and most mate by cloacal kiss. Which would sort of put a damper on the notion of Spike and Rarity ever consummating their love, and further make one wonder from where originate Ki-rin.
On the other hand, some archosaurs develop pseudo-penises and pseudo-vaginas (*). And we have reason to believe, based on engineering constraints, that large, advanced archosaurs (such as the bigger dinosaurs) had penises. And Dragons are very big archosaurs indeed.
As fpr Griffins, the reason I think that they have mammalian genitalia is that their hindquarters are mammalian. If it were actually possible to create chimeras like them (with the parts anatomically-segregated), Griffins would probably have penises and vaginas, like mammals. The existence of Hippogriffs implies that such matings have happened.
Of course, there's a more fundamental incompatibility which would prevent reproduction in terms of both the pairs mentioned, unless whoever engineered these races specifically designed around it. They're not only different species, but in the case of the Griffons half different Classes and in the case of the Dragons wholly different Classes.
One wonders what happens next. I would suppose the outcome would heavily depend on whether or not the couple is truly in love: I can think of several potential physical work-arounds if they are. If it's just random drunken sexuality, I would guess that they would give up on it as a bad idea.
===
(*) "Pseudo" from our parochial mammalian point of view. If they had zoologists, they would classify theirs as real and ours as "pseudo."
By the way, real archosaur-mammalian love is not unknown. Consider the attitude a parrot often takes toward a human with whom it is in close and affectionate proximity. I have no idea if anything physical is possible, but the emotional sentiment is most definitely possible -- and probably sometimes mutual, though due to our cultural taboos we don't like to talk about it.
Well, that's awkward.
Quick, to the sex-toy shop!
Ah the return of the why boner.
WITH A VENGEANCE!!!
5092190
I agree; my own headcanon is that they have cat-like parts back there. But that wouldn't have been funny.
The only reason I can think of why they might have bird reproductive organs is if it were somehow advantageous to them to lay eggs.
5092164
Thanks!
5092227
I'm sure a sex toy shop in Cloudsdale would do quite well, actually.
Hmm. New story idea.
5092308
Actually, it would've. Male cats, even the large ones are... Well, take a look at the last part of your pinkie-finger, from the tip to the second joint: That's pretty much it for a lion, size-wise.
I LOLed!
I was totally expecting it to be one of those barbed cat dicks and it would be terribly uncomfortable or something silly like that.
Going cloaca was even better!
5092190 Spike is sometimes given two penises, like snakes have. In "Like Fine Wine", for example.
5093024
I went with Spike just having a pseudo-penis which by Pony standards was relatively short and thick, to match his overall build. As he gets older it will get longer and relatively thinner. He is now, and for a while will be capable of having full intercourse with a Pony mare without too much problem, but he's getting.
Eventually he'll be too big
Too great a size disparity
For him to consummate
His love for -- whomever.
My Griffons actually do have catlike genitalia (complete with small barblike protrusions). Sex with Ponies is possible but requires an artificial sheath to avoid being painful and possibly harmful to a mare, or to properly stimulate a Griffiness. Since the Griffons on the Old Worlds continent Taura are the noble elite, and at one time were a cruel noble elite who sometimes ate their subjects, there is some unpleasant history there.
I wouldn't discuss this topic with Smirk or Serafine. They might bite your head off -- metaporically, in Professor Smirk's case. Serafine -- well, she's one of those fierce desert Griffons. Having seen Smirk's sarcasm in action, I'm not actually sure which of them is the fiercer -- Serafine seems pretty nice, socially speaking.
5093024
If he had snakelike hemi-penes, I'm not sure that would be too much of a problem. Depending on the arrangement, he could insert one and leave the other out, or insert both of them. Actually, barring something that would render merely being sexually near him dangerous (such as if he vomited fire randomly every time he got sexually excited, or came boiling acid seminal fluid), I don't see any of this stopping any mare who genuinely cared for him.
HAHAHAHHAAHHA!
Haha! Differences between the species.
5092227
5092316
"By the Great Eagle, Meadow, this thing will kill you!"
"It's just a rubber dildo. It's not even that big!"
5092347
Smaller or barbed would have been good for a chuckle, maybe, but not there at all?
That's also why Gene wondered why ponies had two orifices back there....
5092637
Thanks!
5093024
I believe there is a species of lizard which is arranged that way, as well.
5093283
Seems to only be addressed in crackfics, sadly. Maybe I'm just missing the long, thought-provoking story where it becomes a deal-breaker.
5093584
I am seriously considering a one-shot about a sex shop. I even know someone who used to work at one, so research will be easy.
5093727
"Hey Bob, you used to work at a sex shop, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
"What was it like?"
5093807
It's even better/more awkward than you're imagining: it's a female friend.
We've had conversations about the sex shop industry before.
This should not be a problem.
She thinks his talons are great now? She just needs to think about what they'd be like inside.
As for him... this could be more awkward, admittedly. But when he said "why do you have two?" I knew there were gonna be issues. ^^))
5093981
I'm glad that line wasn't lost on my readers.
well, you could try sc- wait, not a slit... Hmm. Maybe they could try rubbing their parts together, maybe... Damn, that must be akward as fuck.
5094002 Yeah, it must be confusing to have one hole for all three, um, body functions but then you see one cloaca like hole and one weird looking slit that leaks on your marefriend. Akward...
My feelings on this matter:
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/37540750/_ponies/celestia%20disgusted.jpg
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/37540750/_ponies/scoots%20oh%20celestia%20why.jpg
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/37540750/_ponies/cmc%20wtf.gif
5093087 In "Like Fine Wine", Spike did insert them both, "one in the goo, one in the poo". His semen also kind of burned.
Rarity vomited at the end.
5095427
My Rarity's smarter and more pragmatic than many versions of that character. She'd research his sexuality first, before attempting full intercourse. She would figure out where the potential problems lay and plan to overcome them, as she does with all her projects.
Mind you, she wouldn't approach HIM openly as if he were a research project. She'd try to keep their love properly romantic, for both their sakes. She's too good a manipulator to do otherwise.
Plus, she really does love him.
I feel compelled to point out male cloaca puff out a bit at sexytime, which does push slightly in to the female (depending on the species) though even by horse standards the sex is brief.
/birdnrrd
5093082
So what about a mare? And aren't sheath's what hide stallion parts? So I don't get why you need whatever it is...
5096237
I wish I could upvote more than once.
A customer came into work a while back and said, "What's the good word?"
I looked him right in the eye and said, "Bird."
Then I played the song.
5096061
Different kind of sheath. What I mean is that, if griffons have catlike parts, a Griffon tom who wanted to have sex with a Pony mare (without hurting her) would have to wear a sheath to contain his barbs; a Pony stallion who wanted to properly stimulate a Griffon queen (small "q", means "adult female") would have to wear a barbed sheath to properly stimulate his lover.
5097351
Having just done research for another story, a 'sheath' as you describe is also known as a 'penis sleeve' (and usually has various accessories added to the outside for stimulating the user's partner).
They may go by other names, as well.
Yes, I'm now writing a fic about a sex shop, based solely on the comments on this story. It should be out later tonight or tomorrow.
5096366
Hahaha! My first idea was a 'birds and the bees' joke, but then I remembered that Family Guy clip. This story does bring up an interesting point though: do Gryphons lay eggs or give live births? I know the common mythos says they lay eggs, and having birdlike genitalia would support that, but they're also half mammal, and the area where their bits would be is in that half, so... maybe they have both? That would be... strange, but also make sense in a way.
Also, this made it to the popular stories!
puu.sh/bZtNR/23704bc881.png
5097578
I'd say that if their bits are mammilian, they probably give live birth, and if their bits are avian, they probably lay eggs . . . but IRL, platypuses and spiny anteaters serve solely to be the exception to the rule, so in a fantasy setting, you could really go either way.
My own headcanon is mammal parts and live birth, but I couldn't resist the cloaca joke, so....
Changes, Gerald Ford turns into a Cat, and Diamond Tiara Dies Alone also did.
War Were Declared probably won't, because it's too polarizing, but tomorrows fic most likely will. After that, we'll see what happens.
5092190 And then an adult Spike makes love to Rarity. It does not end well.
5097912
Never fear, my next fic will deal (indirectly) with that topic.
5097912
He'd be careful. Mind you, at full adult size, without one or both of them using magic, all they could really do would be masturbate one another. Given that this would probably happen after many decades in which he was small enough to have physical intercourse with her without magic; that they would also probably have been married for decades and be deeply in love; and that (in my continuity) she's going to Ascent to become the Alicorn of the World, and Alicorns have the powers of all Pony Kinds, there is an obvious solution to their dilemma.
5097979 How long before he eats her? Sexily, of course.
(Creeped out yet, muchly?)
5098511
You're going to have to wait longer for that kind of fic.
5098010 Nah, Rarity's never going to become an alicorn! That'd mean the others would have to deal with her drama antics forever!
5098557 (Alondro TAKES OVER UR MIND with his conveniently recently-acquired psychic powers and compels you to write weird creepy stuff!)
5098566
Spike wouldn't mind.
5093807
One shot about a sex shop is now in the approval queue.
She should be grateful for that. Had it been the reverse, this might have needed a dark tag.
My personal headcanon about griffin bits is that they're built along the lines of geese and swans. They are cloaca-equipped, but the males have a kinda-sorta penis that looks something like a French Tickler.
5357601
Do they lay eggs, too?
5360268 That goes without saying. If you belong to an egg-laying vertebrate species, you have a cloaca. If you have a cloaca, the females of your species lay eggs.
5364010
I figured as much, but I just was curious. It's an idea I can totally buy into.
bwahahahaha oh i didnt see that comeing
stay classy
5481139
I am not ashamed to say I degenerated into a helpless fit of giggles and completely lost my arms to random flailing.