A human designed colonization probe carrying all the components required to create a colony for the human race has detected a planet within parameters to begin terraformation and colonization. There's just one problem, an unknown radiation covers the land making it too dangerous for humans. The planet itself is fine, but the radiation must be removed before colonization can begin. Meanwhile in Ponyville a large object lands on the outskirts of town. Other objects can be seen flying through the air and orbiting the planet. Twilight Sparkle soon notices something peculiar, something very strange. Something horrifying. Wherever the objects go, magic is removed. This could get problematic.
Chapters (1)
oooh this sounds awesome! cant wait for more chapters!
I like this.
Make more please.
Not bad. Question though. Why is Celestia speaking the old English? Is this in the past?
5342433
yes ;)
The ShakespearIan is a bit off, but not bad.
you said that the distance was 8,537 au which is a bit under a trillion miles which is about a seventh of a light year. I calculated how it the spaceship would be moving and it came out to be about 100k mph. That makes it to be an average of 27 miles per second. Now, we have some questions about the science that made this thing. apparently this thing has examined about 8 million planets. now if you moved at 27 mi/s between these then this thing would be trillions of years old.
I suggest that you make one change. Change the distance of the planet to be something like five or six hundred light years away (bringing its speed to over half the speed of light and the sensor range up to a few hundred light years). That way we could probably say that this thing has only been looking around the stars for a few millenia. Maybe centuries if this thing has never colonized a world before and has been unlucky in finding any good ones.
Was is only the atmosphere content that let the probe decide that it was a good planet? probably yes. Does the probe have any learning ability? Like if it finds life, would it try to reevaluate the situation? Maybe that could be up to you.
One issue is that Luna detected a 'message' which probably means that she felt an active sensor sweep. You never mentioned that the probe did anything other than 'sense' the planet therefore that is the only thing it could be. The problem is that it is a long ways away. With your current distance it might make some sort of sense but if you adjust it to mine then it would imply the ability to send FTL signals.
Ignoring all that, you need to have used an active sensor which sends out a signal that returns to the space ship with info (like a radar would). All the information you had on the planet could be gained with a spectrometer (passive sensor) and an optical telescope (also passive).
That's all the issues I can find. Apart from that I love the concept and the story looks like it has a pretty good start so I can't wait for more. Maybe I'll try to figure out what this CE thing you mentioned is.
me thinks the story summary gives away too much.
5342473 ahhh, so thats why it will take the probe at least a thousand year to get to equestria.
An unexpectedly awesome quote.
5343986
Also this.
In other words, you might want an editor to review this before you post. I saw a lot of small mistakes in this story.
This....... may be interesting.
This reminds me of an episode of Stargate SG-1 that had a similar premise.
I'm intrigued. I'm gonna put this in the Tracking portion of my Library for now, though. Keep up the good work.
One little note , When it was listing information about the planet you put a speed for gravity. Gravity is measured in G's for 1G = 1Earth Gravities. What you have there is a terminal velocity of some sort.
Good so far. Waiting for more
The word 'their' is possessive. You're looking for the word 'there'.
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/010/100/dis_gon_be_good.gif
is this dead cause it looks dead?
alot of stories like this are canceled and dead iv read like 7 and there dead and canceled
Rip.
CE? in any case this seems like it could have been an interesting beginning.
*picks story up*
*jiggles it a bit*
hello?