• Member Since 11th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Tik-Tok-deerpony


the prick with a pen

E

When her friends leaves her, Rainbowdash meets a unnaturally intelligent humane in a world where humans are still primitive. you play as Rainbowdash and decide what she does on her adventures with Skyler and the interdenomsional Door!
(new) the keeper is now dead

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 11 )

>Comment driven story with only this comment
Well, that didn't work out.

the interdenominational Door!

So... it's a door that serves people of multiple religious traditions, then?

Skylers POV

First off, don't do your scenes like this, ever. This isn't a script, this is a story.
Second, a possessive requires an apostrophe.

a weird light down an ally

Was it a dedicated ally, someone he had a mutual-defense treaty with? Or was it just a trade-pact kind of ally?

golden oaks library

This is a proper name and should be capitalized.

Rainbowdash
Apple Jack

"Rainbow Dash" is two words and "Applejack" is one. You went in exactly the wrong direction on two different names.

I walked into the library
I thought to myself
you ask in confusion
you stammer

Nice jump from first-person narration to second-person there. Do you even read your own stuff before you post it?

“We don’t want to see you anymore.” Twilight states flatly.
“I’m afraid not darling. We really don’t want to see you anymore.” Rarity says.
“Because silly, we just don’t like you.” Pinky says with a giggle-snort.

This is what's known as being "out of character", or "OOC" for short.

“So please leave, I mean if that’s ok with you.” Fluttershy says apolitically.

Well, of course she says it like that. I mean, if she said it with a political bias, it would be more like "Please leave, and lower taxes when you go."

I didn’t need to be told again. I ran out of the library in tears.

...and now we're back to first-person. Good job.

Butt, in order to use the dial

You're kidding, right? "But" is a conjunction; "butt" is another way of referring to your ass.

you had to know the cordnets of the planet you want to go to

:facehoof: The word you want is "coordinates". As in... you know what? Forget it...

being a king isent all that fun

The word you want is a contraction for "is not" and is written "isn't".

listen to complaining pheasants

peasant - A member of the lowly social class which toils on the land.
pheasant - A bird of family Phasianidae, often hunted for food.

That's it; I give up.

5088585 sorry, its supposed to be interdiminsonal. my computer has insta spell check. also i used to have editors to check this stuff for me, but none of them ever sent me a fixed chapter so i stopped looking for editors.

[url=file:///C:/Users/Public/Pictures/Sample%20Pictures/uniform.jpg]this.

Did... did you just link us to an image locally stored on your computer? You need to upload it to a site like Imgur first, dear.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

Crack his neck. Check his pockets.

5089612 uhhhh, can i have your reason for a 14 year old child death?:rainbowhuh:

5091324
It sounds like the most reasonable option at this current juncture.

5092298 sense you were the only one to comment a story idea, skyler dies.:ajsleepy:

WHAT DO YOU DO?

Visit the mine and clear out the marauders. Once done, seek a necromancer and try again.

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