• Published 2nd Oct 2014
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Clever Scraps - cleverpun



Story snippets, outlines, short one-shots, and the like.

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Clockamole

Author's Note:

This entry and the surrounding entries cover an AU that I planned to do, but never got off the ground. See this blog post for the fine details. The short version: The Astronomy ‘Verse or Astronomy Remix ‘Verse was originally inspired by the show’s production sketches (mostly Twilight’s, but also Pinkie Pie’s and Fluttershy’s).

In this AU, Rarity is a magic chef (ala Chowder). After being told Not Now, Kid one too many times, Sweetie gets into Rarity's magic cooking supplies and makes a batch of Clockamole to make herself older. Recalling Rarity's warnings that foodspells need to be made carefully, Sweetie decides to test the clockamole on Diamond Tiara first. It doesn't work (I was thinking it either freezes DT in time or makes her older but removes her cutie mark/something), and so Rarity drags Sweetie Belle along to gather the ingredients for a cure. Possibly with a B-plot back in town with DT where Hilarity Ensues?

Rarity scribbled another sentence on her notepad. The dish smelled nice enough. She opened the oven, and the smell of garlic and mushrooms hit her along with the wave of heat.

The mushrooms had browned nicely, but the gems still hadn’t ejected all their magic. Rarity closed the oven and wrote another note. Perhaps mushrooms absorbed magic slower.

Her ear flicked. “Sweetie Belle!” She looked up. Her sister was two steps into the kitchen, frozen in place. “I’ve told you three times now not to disturb me when I’m designing new spells. This is a delicate process.” Rarity crouched down. The mushrooms were dangerously crispy, but the gems still hadn’t emptied.

“But I want to help!” Sweetie said.

“You are helping by watching the front desk.”

“But nopony’s here!” Sweetie waggled a hoof at the front door.

“Then why don’t you go and play with your friends?” Another scribble. “Weren’t you trying to get your cutie marks or somesuch?”

“Yeah, but we already tried everything we could think of. I thought maybe if I helped in here, then—”

“Oh, Sweetie, don’t be silly.” Rarity’s horn ignited and the oven door clanked open. The baking sheet floated out of it. There was nothing for it, any longer and it would be inedible. “This requires precision and experience. One cannot simply do it. Magic food is dangerous if prepared improperly.” She prodded the bruschetta a little. Her pencil floated back towards the notepad. Perhaps less heat and a longer cooking time, give the gems enough time to marinade properly.

“But—”

“Now, if you aren’t going to attend to the front desk, please stay out of the kitchen.” Rarity plucked the gems off the baking sheet and placed them in a glass jar. They clinked against the other gems as they landed. “This mathshroom bruschetta is giving me more trouble than I thought, and I can’t afford any distractions.”

“But—”

There was a jingle from the other room.

“Ah, speaking of customers.” Rarity turned to the door, her apron untying as she began walking. “Don’t worry, Sweetie, I’ll handle this one. Run along and play with your friends. And don’t touch anything in here.”

Rarity pushed through the kitchen door, her magic tugging at her ponytail. “Welcome to Carousel Catering and Spellcraft, how can I—” She let go of her hair. “Oh, Twilight! I didn’t expect to see you out of the observatory today. Did you need something?”

“Uhm, well.” Twilight glanced at a picture on the wall. It looked like a very abstract blotch of purple. “I was wondering if your offer for those cupcakes was still, uhm, valid.”

“Oho! Finally realized that some self-improvement would do you some good. Of course it’s still valid! Charisma cupcakes are one of my most popular spells! Just let me grab my notepad and take down some of your details. Body weight, age, simple things like that.”

Rarity poked her head into the kitchen. “Sweetie, darling, can you bring me my...” The kitchen was empty. “Hmm, I suppose she went to play with her friends after all.” The notepad on the counter and the pencil next to it glowed blue and floated over. “Just as well, she spends far too much time here on occasion.”


“So let me get this straight...” Apple Bloom pointed at the jar of gems. “If you cook food with one of these next to it, then it becomes magic?”

“Well, kind of,” Sweetie Belle said. “It also needs to have a goofy name and you need to make it right.”

“I dunno. A cooking cutie mark sounds pretty lame,” Scootaloo said.

“Except we won’t get our cutie marks from cooking, we’ll get them from the spell.” Sweetie turned the jar over, and the gems clattered loudly. “That’ll show Rarity.”

“So whatta we make then?” Apple Bloom asked.

Sweetie Belle shrugged. “I dunno, think of some food that rhymes with ‘cutie mark’.”

The three fillies rubbed their chins. All three of them exaggerated the motion, made it too noticeable. An adult walking by might have found it charmingly adorable because of how unconvincing it was, but it managed to fool the fillies.

“What about, uh, mark-aroni?”

“Or mark-aroons?”



“Wait, do we even know how to cook any of those?” Sweetie asked?

“Since when has that ever stopped us?”

“Yeah, what she said,” Scootaloo added.

“But this is different.” Sweetie pointed at the jar. “If we do it wrong then the spell won’t work right. So we need to use something we know how to make.”

“I can make applesauce.” Apple Bloom rubbed her chin again. “Maybe, uh, apple-mark...sauce?”

“I can make cereal.” Scootaloo rubbed her chin again. “Maybe, uh, cute-e-al?”

“That sounds terrible.”

“Well, yours was worse.”

“Girls, don’t worry.” Sweetie Belle rubbed her chin. Unlike before, this time the motion was subtle and restrained. “I think I got an idea.”


Sweetie Belle set the bowl down. The lumpy green mass didn’t move at all. It just sat there, listless and static.

“So that’s it?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yeah. Why?”

Apple Bloom pointed at the bowl. “All we did was squish some avacados and tomatoes together. You made it sound all complicated.”

“That’s what guacamole is.” Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. “Don’t you two know anything about food?”

“Whatever,” Scootaloo waved a hoof. “We’ve got the stuff, now what?”

“Now we need to stick one of the gems near it and leave it in the fridge overnight.”

“I thought you said ”