• Published 2nd Oct 2014
  • 841 Views, 35 Comments

Clever Scraps - cleverpun

Story snippets, outlines, short one-shots, and the like.

  • ...

Untitled Inexcusable sequel

Author's Note:

EDIT: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/284827/you-too-will-deteriorate

So I had an idea for the conclusion of If You Came to Conquer/Inexcusable. Some time after Nightmare Moon revealed herself to Celestia by attacking Tirek, she has a bad dream one night. She dreams that the Celestia from her original universe has come back to life, and somehow found her way to the current timeline.

She wakes up, and finds a Celestia with an obvious chest scar waiting at the foot of her bed. Celestia claims that Discord sent her over because he got bored, and she wants to eat Nightmare Moon's heart and take her place.

The original Celestia pops in, and this sets up the conflict of the story; how does Celestia respond to her obviously unhinged counterpart? Does she choose to kill her, let her die, or to actually let her kill her not-sister? And in the case of the former two options, would it make her understand what Nightmare Moon went through, or only make her resent Nightmare Moon more?

It came to me in that not-quite-dreaming-nor-awake state, so I'm not sure if it seems more feasible than it actually is. The number of people who enjoyed the open ending were somewhat higher than the people annoyed by the vagueness. It is marginally less cliche than the other idea I had, about Nightmare Moon wiping her own memories to prove something to Celestia or whatever. I'm still not sure that story needs any more, though.

I wrote the first chapter down in one sitting, more to stop the idea gnawing on me than anything. The second chapter didn't flow smoothly, and it's what convinced me the idea wasn't worth pursuing.

Original post: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13092259580A88860100&page=1708#42698

Celestia smiled. Her ceremonial barding had rusted slightly, her coat looked dingy and unkempt. Most noticeable was her hair; black streaks accompanied its usual multicolored luster. They looked like discolorations in an old photograph.

“Hello, Nightmare Moon,” she whispered.

“Celestia? What are you doing here? Why do you look so different?”

“Why, Nightmare Moon, don’t you recognize me? I suppose it has been a long time, for you, but I did not think you would forget me so easily.” Celestia gripped her chestplate in her magic, and moved it to the side, slowly, painfully slowly.

Princess Nightmare Moon recoiled. “It can’t be.” A long, jagged scar wound across Celestia’s chest.

“Oh, but it is,” Celestia whispered. She traced the scar with her hoof. “That’s the spot where you tore out my heart.”

ch 1
Nightmare Moon jolted awake. She twisted sideways and fell off her bed, the sweaty sheets sticking to her body. She tried to force them off before they tangled, but only succeeded in bunching them onto her hind legs.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

Nightmare Moon froze. “It can’t...” She turned to the foot of her bed. Celestia stood there, the same Celestia from her nightmare.

Celestia tilted her head. “I was so eager say hello, but I did not want to wake you. Perhaps the dream spell was a little too potent?”

Nightmare Moon backed up, tripped over her blankets. “How... why can you be here? I...”

“Killed me? But Nightmare Moon, that’s exactly why I’m here.” Celestia’s smile was so bright. It cut through the darkness of the room, contrasted so greatly with the dullness of her coat and mane. “You never checked on my body, did you? Never thought to make sure it was still there during any of that time?”

Nightmare Moon said nothing.

“And of course, by the time you had gotten guilty enough to try and revive me, there was no point in trying, was there?”

Nightmare Moon ran a hoof through her mane. “Discord...”

“Yes, he bores rather easily. I suppose you should have expected that, when you left him to his own devices.” Celestia laughed. It sounded as light and musical as it always did. “But then, you were never particularly good at planning, were you?”

“But, I don’t understand...” Nightmare Moon fell again. “Did...did you come here to check on me? To make sure I didn’t ruin another Equestria? I’ve changed, Celestia! You have to believe that! Don’t you...?”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Nightmare Moon. I’m not here to check up on you.” Celestia finally moved, stood up and took a single step forward. “I’m here to replace you.”


“I came here to eat your heart, just like you ate mine. I can’t very walk around like a ghoul for very long, now can I?” Celestia took another step forward. Her smile had not faded, not flickered or changed in the slightest. Her head still tilted at an angle, her teeth still shone.

“But...but sister, I’m using it...”

“I was using mine too, you know.” Celestia was only a few feet from Nightmare Moon now. The latter had fallen over, one foot still tangled in blankets. “It’s only fair, isn’t it? An eye for an eye, a heart for a heart, a life for a life?” She leaned down, her face stopped inches from Nightmare’s. “I saw you eat it, you know. I can still remember it clearly. It hurt. It hurt more than I can describe, in more ways than you can imagine. And now I’m going to do the same thing to you. It will hurt, it will hurt so badly. You will die, and the last thing you see will be me eating your heart.”

“I...I could stop you,” Nightmare Moon whispered.

“Now, why would you do something as silly as that?” Celestia reached forward, dragged a hoof along Nightmare Moon’s chest. “What better way to absolve yourself, than by letting me take your life? You’d finally be free. All that guilt and pain would be gone forever. That’s all you ever wanted, wasn’t it? That’s why you ran away and came here?”

Nightmare Moon didn’t say anything.

“I knew you would agree,” Celestia whispered. “Now, hold still.” Her horn ignited, she leaned down.

The door slammed open. Celestia stood there, the living, immaculate Celestia. Her barding was missing, her mane slightly askew, but that only made the absence of a scar and the bright colors of her mane that much more pronounced.

The revenant bending over Luna continued smiling. “Why, Celestia. So nice to see you. I suppose this can wait. I imagine you have a lot of questions. It would be rather rude to just waltz in and make a mess without a proper introduction.”

ch 2
The dungeon had entirely too many occupants lately.

Celestia nodded to the guard and walked into the cell. The doppelganger sat at the desk, her tea and biscuits untouched.

The creature would not stop smiling. Her teeth shone, and their brightness did not match the candlelight.

Celestia sat down across from it. “You haven’t touched your tea.”

“My tastebuds do not work, at the moment.”

Celestia looked over the revenant again. It certainly smelt like death. “Why did you let the guards shackle you so easily?”

The revenant’s smile widened. “Come now, Celestia! As if I would ever hurt any of my little ponies.”

“You could have run, then.”

The revenant blinked, slowly, forcefully. Like she had to be forced to perform the motion. “I did not come here for subterfuge, Celestia. I came here for justice.” It tilted its head. “Aren’t you going to ask what I am? How I got here? Aren’t you going to ask about that monster pretending to be your sister?” It’s smile flickered on that word, but quickly returned.

“I can hazard a guess. Luna told me that she killed you.”

The revenant’s smile fell away. “She told you what she was?”

“Yes, unfortunately.”

“I did not expect honesty from a stain like her.” The revenant leaned backward. “Still, I suppose monsters can learn tricks, given enough time. That doesn’t change anything.”