Octavia is treated to a night out at the expense of her best friend Vinyl Scratch. But when Vinyl's true intentions for how the night was supposed to end come out. Octavia must make a life changing decision
Chapters (1)
CyberneticWolf
Joined 17th Mar, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- unipie · 4.7k words · 89 4 · 3.2k views
- A Mysterious Pony · 1.3k words · 64 9 · 1.9k views
- Gleaming · 2.2k words · 87 8 · 2.1k views
- chuck-vic-norris · 8.2k words · 58 4 · 1.6k views
- scorpclawFF · 18k words · 139 4 · 3k views
- CharlieOist · 1.3k words · 85 2 · 1.8k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.142 seconds
Total duration
855 users online
590,856 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
It was a little difficult to interpret they had slept together. I had to read over that passage again.
Generic yes, but with a cute little twist. I liked it.
Nice one
)
Perhaps write one from Vinyl's PoV including th letter? (you know you want to tell us whats in it afterall
5081703
Thank you for this. I know I've had plenty of others tell me that I do have trouble with being cryptic when I write.
Perhaps just another thing to work on. :)
5081708
Hehe! That is a good idea! It might take me some time to figure out where to start with it. (Plus real life has me caught up doing other things.) But perhaps I have someone else who can help me with it.
As for the letter, idk if I can write something THAT good
lol!
Loved it! One of my favorite ships, nice job!
5082500
Why thank you!
Feels feels feels feels FEELS FEELS FEELS FEELS
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1932-132450129983.gif
I could try to write the poem on that letter, I'm not great at writing them, but I've gotten some good feedback from a few ppl around here... What do you think?
5082643
Heh, I tried to make as much feels as possible! Thank you!
5083253
That actually sounds pretty good. Right now I'm talking with someone about a possible collab for a story, but if you wanted to do the poem we could definitely talk it out and I could give you some if not more credit like I did Arkanoid
5084081
5084780 just tell me if there is anything specific you want in it, I don't know how long it will take to write, can take 1 hour, can take 3 days, depending on how long it is will say... (Small part that I could use) Thee melody brings harmony to my mind, it winds me down with its soothing sound. (Just tell me if there is anything that I should include and I should have it done soon)
LOL, nice story
A good rendition of a classic pairing. Maybe a little too over the top with the sudden mare-of-her-dreams realization from Octavia, but it was well told for the most part.
You need to reread and do more cleanup, though. There's a bunch of incorrect words throughout. As an example:
I think you mean "making tea."
5092784
Woop, both my editor and I missed that one haha! Shouldn't be hard to fix I'll right through and fix it!
Thank you!
Short, sweet and to the point
This was a fun story. Very well done.
Some parts of this don't flow so well
You could lose the "you probably hate me." to make it flow better she has already said those exact same words not 10 seconds ago. You wouldn't say the same thing ten seconds apart it would be redundant.
This sort of came out of left field there was no hinting prior to this that Octavia has a fear of being alone and unloved. Some mention of this earlier on would make this bit that much more meaningful. Also it should be 'Her eyes shot open to see her worst fear had come true.'
Who is to say she couldn't see vinyl again. Also true feelings would imply that she already knew the feelings were genuine. It also makes it redundant. Remove the first true and change the second true to real it will flow better.
Other then those small relatively few errors this was very good this will be added to my favorites.
I sence a Skyrim reference.
But the Bannered Mare is in Whiterun...
Nice, very nice. Few tiny grammatical mistakes but well done.
Bush likes
10/10
Almost made bush cry
5142117 until I saw your comment, I was gonna say "are you talking about the skyrim bannered mare?"
Very nice.
For a moment I read "The Bannered Mare" as "The Battered Mare."
5278949
Yeah, and Canterlot is part of Skyrim. Or haven't you seen this?
https://youtu.be/eCfx5ln-KBQ?t=1233