Alternate realities
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If we need to read the previous two chapters you should link to them. Also you should give the previous author credit.
If you have a chapter 4 coming, this story should not be marked complete.
You might want to reconsider if all six of your tags are necessary. Specifically, this doesn't sound like a slice of life story at all.
*sigh* My curiosity kills the cat. Man it's been awhile since I last read two chapters. It depresses me to see something bad to Littlepip like this, unlike blackjack from PH. After I read it, I want to forget it and get out my damn head! Now when I see you made the third one, I'm feeling more depress to see Littlepip in this! I'm not gonna give you the blame, I blame myself for pulling me into this. So I'm gonna avoid this as possible. Forgive me for my stupidity.
5079254
OK thanks. i'll keep this in mind! First time using fimfiction u see.
5079313
Its cool sweetie. Thanks for stopping by! :)
Don't let it get ta ya too much.
5079878
Okay thanks.
but one last thing I want to say before I'll avoid this for now.
You know what, after I read this, and comment it, something that came to my head. I'm starting to think of the theory on this Harsh reality.
So here's my theory: What if this whole Harsh reality is Littlepip's dream that alter reality? Since Harsh reality began on this one chapter on the part when Velvet was about shoot littlepip with the Dart gun(Due to Littlepip's addiction on PTM). What if she actually shoot littlepip, making Littlepip went unconscious? And what if the effect of the dart puts her into coma, causing a big deep sleep, putting littlepip into alternate reality dream? And when the dream started, Littlepip wokes up on the day before that incident & Harsh reality.
Okay, that's all I can put it. This is just a interesting theory that came into my head after I read the chapter. Hope it makes sense.
It's like Ash's Coma theory on pokemon creepypasta.
5080064
Haha! I see what you're getting at. You want it to be just a dream no?
Unfortunately what i have in mind is completely different. what is happening is real alright.
Its just following the plot where little pip was sold and betrayed by monterey jack in the first chapter.
Its an alternate reality, if you will, like my name. a parallel universe where good does NOT beget good. Sounds kinda like real life if ya ask me.
Thats not to say i'll only make bad things happen to pippy here. bad things alone don't make a good storyline. just see game of thrones for a prime example.
And what i have in store for miss pip can be much more complex
Literally dead or figuratively?...also I loved this sick piece of work
5081493
Figuratively sweetie.
If she was literally dead the story ends here. And I ain't letting it die yet. :)
More will come when i get some more ideas
5081679 never stopped black jack.... Though you might not get that reference. I am glad I was worried you ended it... Thought black heart pushed her over the metaphorical ledge
5082219
Yeah i see how people could have misunderstood the last phrase. I edited it a bit to not cause any confusion.
I like it. Glad to see more chapters to one of my fav. FoE clop stories. But you should really add first 2 chapters - I'm downloading .epub and its very annoying that I have to use one reader to read first 2 chapters and another to read 3-4 chapters. Overall, you could also work on your punctuation. Thanks for writing , hope to see update soon!
5082592
Thanks friend. yes i'm working on the 5th chapter atm.
Although i do not get what you meant by downloading epub. I honestly can't be bothered to copy paste the first two chapters to upload here. i already included links. And it would screw up my chronological order of chapters now too.
Intresting...
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/518/255/716.jpg
oh, hey. it's time for my favorite game once again. does this story has so many downvotes because it is written badly, or because of i's content. can't never really be sure about that in dark fics.
oh well , i'll just have to give it a read later i guess^^
5091204
Haha! You read my mind! Although i highly suspect it's because of the content. I'm not bragging or anything, but i feel like i've written my fic quite meticulously. So I doubt it's because of my grammar.
Personally I feel only idiots downvote based on content and not because of a legitimate reason like grammar. I already gave warning at the start, and just because its a controversial subject doesn't give them the right to downvote without even reading it. Oh well, doesn't matter i guess.
5091244 Actually (I upvoted by the way.) I've noticed a couple times where names weren't capitalized.
There are a lot more in the previous chapter (it is significantly longer) and there are some that I know I missed in there. Also, I think in the original story, its one word, Littlepip.
I don't mean to sound like a jerk (even though I do) but another set of eyes on your project would do you some good.
5095163
I see! Thanks alot for this input!
I'll try to correct these in my next chapters.
I guess its pretty hard to write pony names due to their them being two words, compared to human christian ones.
5095306 I like your story, and the nitpicking detracts little from that. Looking forward to more.
5091244 hmm after reading the first two chapters (of your story), i have to say that it's written rather well, so it's probably the content. oh well you can't please everyone i guess.
And now i know where in the story this spinoff takes places as well. i first thought it was set at their first meeting in the ponyville ruins but guess i was wrong.
though something i'm a little confused about; wasn't little pip only dubbed the lightbringer after she had defeated the enclave and brought back the sun light? i mean, this plays way before that, so shouldn't they use her former title stable dweller? oh who cares, it has been way to long fro me to remember everything properly, i may be very well mistaken on that. and even if am not, it's just a very minor thing to nitpick.
5096869
You may not be mistaken!
I havent read finish FOE, so i can't confirm.
But i'm afraid it doesn't matter at this point. Think of this as a separate storyline than from the main story, with only the settings as the similarities. Just think of it as littlepip being the hero of the wasteland like the end of FO3 and then the story continues from there...
5098060 oh i certainly do, but that doesn't change the fact that the story pretty much ties in at a certain, very much defined point in the original story, namely during their time at tennpony tower where velvet "betrays" little pip to help her with her addiction (one of my most hated parts^^).
so i can assume that everything before that seems to be canon to the story right? so technically they should still call her stable dweller since she hasn't received the title of the lightbringer yet... and considering her situation most likely never will.
It's nothing that will stop me from keep reading, heck it doesn't even bother me at all, it's just something i noticed.
5099840
Argh! You're right! Thats the thing you see. I'm continuing it off the first two chapters that was written by the previous author, and he/she wrote littlepip as lightbringer. My first priority is to make sure my continuation blends as well as the first two chapters, and the author already written it wrong in that sense. Secondary objective is to adhere as much to FOE lore as possible. I think thats the only major mistake we are gunna have to live with in my future chapters. Sorry.
ok, dudes come on. why is no one commenting on this? this is very good stuff, at least give the author a little praise for it. oh, well since no one seems willing to do so, you'll have to make do with me. just know that i'll stick with you till the end and what ever anyone tells you, you're doing an awesome job
and on a more story relate note. i kinda hate to say it, but they somewhat deserve it. with that i mean, velevet and co of course, not pip. she doesn't really deserve it. but which idiot goes willingly into enemy territory, knowing full well that the enemy is far superior in every regard. at least group up with all the people you rallied up first. i mean it's totally something i can see them do, but that still doesn't change the fact that it's incredible stupid...
and on another, another note. how the hell did i forget that pip is on mental withdrawal at the moment. i mean, i even mentioned it in my last common. come on fallen keep your stuff together
5139742
oh sweetie you have NO idea how much this means to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I was considering procrastinating on writing the next chapter because almost no one sees my story, but because of you I now am feeling the pressure! I'm so happy that at least one person actually bothered to comment hahaha. Yeah I'm pathetic I know.
on another note on the story, yeah. Pips friends are loyal to her, but I always know that pip is the impulsive one. And quite honestly I'm at chapter 37 now of the foe fic, and I'm honestly baffled at how stupid the villains seem at times. Capturing unicorn slaves and not putting restrictions on their magic? Always underestimating pip and friends? I call bull. In reality bad guys are much more shrewd and thorough, and the good guys aint saved all the times. But the fic sheer adventure and depressing storyline was what made me obssess of this so much! You have no idea how excited I was when spike burned pip to death. I couldnt sleep for days. Goddammit I wished I never knew or pickup this legendary fanfic in the first place. I love kkat. Unbelievable.
I know this actually came out quite a while ago, so it might have been wise to wait for the next chapter, but I wanted to state something.
I want to preface the rest of this comment by saying, I do NOT think this is a bad story, or that it crosses a line, or anything like that. I just want to state my opinion.
Now, I read the first two chapters of Harsh Reality about 8 months or so ago, and it was one of the more disturbing things I had read in my life. Probably about as much as when I looked up "Skullfuck" when I was 12. But, I was somewhat impressed. Not many things stay on my mind once I finish with them, especially on an emotional level. So, I was somewhat excited, yet fairly apprehensive when I heard of this story about two hours ago. And now that I've finished it (or, rather, am up to date), I can say that you managed to make a story that disturbed me just as much. I know that sounds like a bad thing, but what I'm saying is, that's pretty fucking incredible for me.
I may continue reading this when the next chapter comes out to see how far it goes. Anyway, congratulations on making a story that I can't help but be incredibly invested in. Sure, part of it's Littlepip's character from the original fic, but I know I wouldn't have that investment carried over if you hadn't written a faithful interpretation of her.
Also, interested to see how you end this story. While I kinda hope it ends in sunshine and rainbows (Blackheart gets bucked in the face, Littlepip's not pregnant and her hymen is repaired through magic or something, and they live happily ever after... with Pip stuck in an SPP unit and has to watch her friends die of old age in front of her. Hmm...), I also hope the story is fucking disgusting by my standards.
Sorry if I seemed like a sociopath or something through this comment, but anyway, great job so far, interested to see where you go with it.
5324748 5324748
Thank you for your very nice and thoughtful comment! :D
Unfortunately i'm having a bit of a writer's block atm, so i cant say how i want this to end. There are SO many ways i want this to end, and its preventing me from continuing and causing loss of motivation! Damn my indecisiveness. I thought if no one reads this anyway, i thought i might end it here.
Darn it what should i do? :D
Btw just curious, where precisely did you hear this from?
5333889 Sorry for the late reply.
I found the original Harsh Reality fic while trying to find the famous Murky FO:E story, about a slave. I must have googled "Fallout Equestria enslavement story" or something, and came across Harsh Reality.
I found this continuation while googling for news on Harsh Reality. I came across this page with the link to this fic: http://jet7wavensfw.tumblr.com/post/99011838522/seems-like-someone-called-alternate-realities
I'm not familiar with the blog (although having nsfw in your url title usually hints at a particular subject matter), but it seemed rather appreciative of the original Harsh Reality, so on that endorsement, I came here.
Anyway, sorry to hear about the writers block. I usually give up on writing after the first 2000 words, so the fact you've made it this far is a good sign.
*EDIT* Upon investigation, I now see that the cover art was actually made by this individual that I linked. So, yeah, honor the Jetwave, I suppose.
5340875
Praised be the jetwave. >:)
ah, welcome back my friend. i was already waiting
it's nice to see that the comment section has become a little livelier, if even just a little.
5351487
:D
Hello fallen. Glad to be back. Gunna get back to writing soon.
just a wee bit unclear on where to take this story at the moment. lol
Sorry put I had to put this because this sums this up.
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSQLuIkMWC5_8vbMenpBGgM-Z5nYPoQSzfxm2kVMgcQPM3Bnx9t
5420102
Damn right spartan. >:)
Imma stop you right here and say you need an editor. I haven't read the latest chapter, but this is getting out of hoof in terms of grammar errors. I am available for the most part, so give me a PM if you want some tips and/or editing.
If you're sincere about not being able to find chapter three and beyond of the original, try this.
5431988
I'm sorry i don't get what you mean. The link is just to the original FOE. I'm looking for chapter 3 of the harsh reality fanfic based off that. :p
5449245 Oh, that makes more sense too. I jumped to conclusions when I read the cover art it seems.
Point of interest: the original story takes place 200 something years after the war. The chances of a filly that survived said war ain't very high after that amount of time.
Very good! More >rape is always good, started to feel a bit cozy now.
5543687
Hah! Thanks! I hope I won't disappoint. :D
Yep, definetely not your smartest idea, Pip. I was afraid her life was getting a little too cozy as a prisoner. Good to see it going back to the brutal suffering of the original's two chapters.
*Reads authors note*
YAY
I hope you don't take offence, but there's quite a few things that could be improved.
The chapter starts with "familiar tinkling of the bell", immediately followed by Pip "putting on the standard bed gown". Neither of these things have ever been introduced, yet they're being referenced as if they've always been there. This gives the story an unnecessary taste of retcon.
Next, there is a time skip of one week. There's really no point in it, since chapter 2 ended before the main character got fully introduced or even accustomed to how things are run in the place she is now in.
Then the story mentions her having had countless stallions who expected her to just be on the mattress. This directly contradicts the original story, in which Albert tells Pip that she's very lucky to have a first customer who only expects her to just be there. The original fic also explicitly mentions some of the customers having "quirky things". It sounds very unlikely that Pip would simply avoid all of them for a whole week.
Then there's every mistake being responded to with lashes. Again, nothing of the sort happened in the original story and the first instance has never been shown to the reader.
Then there's unicorn guards being referenced without any prior mention, the pre-war hotel suddenly becoming a castle instead, and the owner suddenly wanting an heir, when their motivation in the original story was just to use Pip to earn money.
Also names like Equestria and Three-Bit are not capitalized.
Anyway, the biggest suggestions I have are:
1) Always introduce elements and things to the reader before referencing to them as if they've always been there. Otherwise the reader will go "Huh, when did this happen before? Is the writer trying to retcon past events now?"
Note that there isn't anything wrong with having those bells, standard outfits, lashes etc in the story. However, it is important to explicitly introduce them when the character encounters them for the first time in the story. Otherwise the readers will get confused when you "reference back" to things they've never heard of.
2) Read the original two chapters carefully to avoid directly contradicting things that were just introduced.
Anyway, I appreciate the fact that someone is trying to continue the Harsh Reality storyline.
Best of luck!
5598729
I see what you mean! :D
First off let me say thank you so much for this feedback. I really appreciate it! Thanks!! :)
Well regarding referencing things that weren't put in the original, I admit, I had difficulty in those parts. The key thing was I didn't want to spend too much time developing those story details. And some of the details were vague in the original, so i had to fill them in somehow, hoping that the readers would take it and assume its always been there. I have no idea how people who read the originals interpreted the finer details of the plot, so i just tried to fill it in with mine. Guess I did a piss poor job. haha. Sorry, it's my first time writing something of this magnitude, much less a continuation.
I guess its too much details to think about now. I'm trying to make my plot fit as well as possible with the original. But I'm guessing it's too far in now. I doubt i'll be able to change those major things without rewriting everything. So sorry if it confuses some, but i hope you would take it well.
Oh but the capitalization mistakes can be rectified. Many thanks for spotting those. :D
Why do I have the impression Blackheart will make sure this gang of raiders is no more?
Well, that was short and sweet
Haven't really commented in a while, but good to see you back ... and in topform, it seems.
5625659
Short? SHORRRRT?!
DID You just say SHORT?!
I ripped a thousand tendons in my wrist writing this 5000 word turd!. :OOO
2k more than normal!!
Hehehe, but yeah i agree its a sweet turd.
If I'm not mistaken aren't guns shot with the mouth and not used with hooves by non-unicorn ponies (and Lil' Pip now)? I'm fairly certain that was how Kkat described gun use.
"and I hardly needed to shoot a gun with my own hooves. But now the circumstances have changed. I grasped the gun in my hooves, and shakily looked down the sights. It was hard to aim. As I pulled the trigger, the recoil caught me off guard, and the gun jerked angrily in my hooves, almost sending it flying."
5849647
oh! Is that so? :O
Thanks for telling me! I must have missed that detail in FOE. I think its cuz its hardly touched on in FOE since pip had her magic all the way through the story. Dammit.
Now comes the part where i must decide whether to retcon and change in order to fit more to the original, or simply keep it with hooves. Honestly hooves seems like a more convenient method as they can still talk without a trigger between their teeth lol.
In the show however, ponies do use hooves to manipulate things, especially the most recent episode where Apple bloom used that ghost buster-like gun lol.
5880432 My mind just automatically imagined her putting the gun in her mouth and shooting. Probably because I read FoE and PH this last month.
It's better that they have more mobility this way, but lack proper 'communication'. Though Earth pony seem to get by just fine. Also love looking for art/designs people have come up with that have more detail on how the guns operate. Never liked them using tongue to pull the triggers, biting down would be more like what we're used to seeing.
5880432
I love your story when do you think you will continue it?