Ditz and Spitz: Origin of Derpy

by Poinger

Part 1: Photo Rumors

Dinky sighed as she used her magic to turn her pencil in lazy circles on her desk. She was so super excited to show Scootaloo the picture in her saddlebags! She was a bit shy, and normally when she managed to talk to Scootaloo or her two Crusader friends, the conversation always eventually turned to her mommy, her eyes, and how she kept crashing into stuff. From there, it became an awkward silence that instantly killed any sort of playful mood. She knew if she showed Scootaloo how cool her mommy was, they'd want to talk about her. Then it wouldn't be awkward talking with them and they might even let her play with them. That was, if recess ever came. It was still a long way to go, and Ms. Cheerilee's history lesson was dragging on.

Looking to her right, she saw the orange pegasus seated next to her in the rearmost corner of the class. She was similarly bored, doodling pictures of cutie-marks in the margins of her paper, most of them bearing a remarkable resemblance to Rainbow Dash's.

"Psst… hey, Scootaloo." Dinky was careful to whisper, to avoid drawing the teacher's attention.

Scootaloo was likewise cautious. "What, Dinky?"

"You wanna see something cool?"

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Okay, whatever. It better not be another ‘multi-muffin,’ though.” She turned to look at Dinky and thus failed to notice Ms. Cheerilee's focus had shifted from the blackboard to their conversation.

Dinky frowned. How could anypony fail to appreciate her mommy’s double-bun, thirteen-ingredient multi-muffins? She started to use her magic to float the picture out of her open saddlebags toward Scootaloo when she was startled by a rather sharp cry of "Dinky! Scootaloo!" from the front of the room. Startled, she dropped the photo, which fell to the ground face down. They both turned around to see Ms. Cheerilee approach them, giving both of them an admonishing look in turn.

"Talking during class and passing notes?"

Dinky's face paled. "But, Ms. Cheerilee," she pleaded guiltily, "it wasn't a note, it—"

"It doesn't matter. You were both clearly not paying attention."

She reached down to confiscate the offending distraction and took the photograph in her mouth, slowly walking back to the front of the room. As she passed the desks of other fillies and foals, many ducked their heads to look at what was on the photograph. Some of the sports-fan ponies' eyes widened with shock, as did those of a filly duo more interested in celebrity gossip. They quickly turned and whispered to their neighbors before Ms. Cheerilee could continue teaching.

As she was neither a sport-fan pony nor a celebrity gossip, Ms.Cheerilee failed to recognize the importance of the picture she deposited on her desk.

"You will both have to stay inside during recess for breaking the rules. Dinky, you can get this from me at the end of the day. Now, the first gryphon was seen in… "

As she resumed her lesson, the Crusaders turned as one and glared sullenly at Dinky. She slumped in her desk. She was only trying to make friends, but now she'd completely ruined it! Throughout the rest of the lesson and all the way up until recess, the other foals kept shooting curious, sometimes awed glances at her that she didn't even notice in her gloomy daze.

Finally, recess did roll around and the other students left Scootaloo and Dinky alone at their desks, writing alternating lines of "I will not talk during lessons" and "I will not pass things in class" on sheets of paper under Ms. Cheerilee's watchful gaze.

Dinky turned to Scootaloo as she wrote. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

The pegasus stopped writing for a moment, letting her pencil drop as she worked her jaw with a hoof.

“Yeah? Hmmph." She snorted."What was on that picture, anyway? What am I missing recess for?" she inquired, then picked her pencil back up in her mouth.

"It was a picture of my mommy with Spitfire. She came over to visit yesterday, and—"

Scootaloo nearly choked, her pencil falling off her desk with a clatter as she whirled to face Dinky. "YOUR MOM KNOWS SPITFIRE?! YOU'RE KIDDING!"

Ms. Cheerilee looked up from her papers and rounded on her for her sudden outburst. "Scootaloo! Do not shout inside. Back to writing, both of you!"

Scootaloo retrieved her pencil and they both returned to writing. She occasionally glanced over at Dinky, who couldn’t help but notice. “What?”

Scootaloo gave her a long, studious look. “You are kidding... right?”

---

As the last bell rang and school let out, Ms. Cheerilee called Dinky up to her desk. "Now, Dinky, I trust you won't distract yourself, or other students, with non-school related material again. Save it for after lessons next time, okay?"

"Yes, Ms. Cheerilee."

She gave the filly a small smile as she softened her tone. “I never like to punish students, Dinky, especially ones who are normally so well-mannered and attentive.” She slid the photograph across her desk with a small laugh. “I can see why you wanted to share it though. It certainly is a very funny picture of your mother and her friend."

Dinky's jaw dropped before she caught herself. Of course; Ms. Cheerilee didn't recognize Spitfire without her trademark flightsuit. She herself wouldn't have recognized Spitfire from just the photo if she hadn't overheard her talking with her mommy last night. She levitated the photo back into her saddlebags.

"Ummm… thanks. Bye, Ms. Cheerilee."

"Goodbye, Dinky."

When she exited the schoolhouse, she was rushed by a plethora of the other students.

"Hey uhh… Dinky! Dinky, lemme see it!"

"I didn't get a good look at it. Does your mom really know Spitfire?"

"Can I see it again, Dinky?"

"So, Dinky, how did a feather-head like your mom meet up with Spitfire?"

She had wanted to make some more friends, but this wasn't friends—this was a mob. Overwhelmed by the sudden attention, she began to push her way through the crowd over toward where she saw Scootaloo waiting with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell. Seeing that she wasn't going to show them the photo, after some attempted cajoling the crowd quickly dispersed toward their respective homes. Some went to meet their waiting parents, telling them what had happened with excited voices.

Scootaloo wasted no time once the four were finally alone. "So is it true then, Dinky? Your mom really…"

Silently, Dinky levitated the picture out of her saddlebags again, holding it up in front of Scootaloo. There was a short, stunned silence from the three Crusaders.

"That is so cool!"

"Wow, Dinky! Did you get to meet Spitfire? What was she like?"

"I never woulda reckoned yer mom for knowin' somepony famous like that, Dinky."

They chatted animatedly at her for a while and she answered their questions as best she could, without ever actually denying that she had met Spitfire, before Scootaloo asked a different sort of question.

"Hey, Dinky, could I borrow this to show to Rainbow Dash? I know she'll think it's awesome." Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell rolled their eyes, quite familiar with their friend's desire to impress Rainbow Dash.

“Well, I did get you in trouble earlier, so I guess it’s only fair...” She floated the picture over to Scootaloo’s eager hooves.

Her face lit up. "Thanks sooo much! I'm gonna go show her right now!"

"But, Scootaloo!" Apple Bloom whined, "we were supposed ta go help Fluttershy take care o' the animals after school!"

"Yeah, what will it look like if only the two of us show up? What will she think of us?"

Scootaloo frowned, looking back and forth from the picture to her friends. She ended up fixating on the photo for a few moments, then suddenly brightened. "I got it! Why don't you take Dinky with you? I'll meet you guys at Fluttershy's cottage later."

"Well… that's okay by me. Whaddya say, Dinky?"

"Yes! Uh, I mean, yeah! Sure." Dinky couldn’t help a wide smile as she bounced off with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell, elated that she had managed to make some friends after all.

---

Rainbow Dash flew back toward her cloud home, thoroughly exhausted but glad to be done for the day. Sure, she could clear the sky in just about ten seconds flat, but adding stuff took a whole new level of effort and delicacy. There was another heavy rain scheduled for the weekend and everything had to be prepared for days ahead of time. Besides the actual cloud moving, there was the planning, the coordination between teams, the weather quality checks… ugh. She just wanted sleep. She was thus less than enthusiastic to see the orange pegasus filly on a scooter heading for her cloud home from the opposite direction. Scootaloo was waving madly, and calling out to her from the distance. As tired as she was, she didn't want to just blow off her number one fan.

"Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo waved upwards to Dash as the pegasus approached, stopping her scooter sharply. The cyan pegasus landed next to her seconds later.

"Yeah, yeah, I see you. What's up, Scoot?"

"It’s the most exciting thing. Dinky's mom met with Spitfire yesterday! She was here, in Ponyville!"

Dash gave Scootaloo a withering look. "Look, Scoot, I'm tired. I'm in no mood for jokes, especially such poor ones."

Scootaloo frowned indignantly. "It is not a joke. Look!" She dropped her saddlebags off her back, quickly rummaging around inside before coming up with the picture in her hoof. "See?"

Rainbow Dash took the photo without really looking at it first, then bristled in shock upon seeing Spitfire in a picture with a rather goofy—well, goofier—looking Ditzy Doo. Her eyes went wide, as did her jaw. "Oh-my-gosh oh-my-gosh oh-my-gosh oh-my-gosh!" All her tiredness, stress and perhaps even Scootaloo were completely forgotten. She grabbed the photo with her mouth and took off, speeding towards the outskirts of town.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash! Wait! WAI—awww." A rather dejected Scootaloo reslung her saddlebags and scooted off toward Fluttershy's cottage.

---

Ditzy was happy to be heading home. She had moved the mail all day and all she wanted to do was sit down for dinner with her Dinky and relax; it had been a long week for the mailmare. She had just opened her door to go inside when she was propelled through it by a tackle from a multicolored blur. She recognized her assailant, from her new position on the floor, as her friend Rainbow Dash, who had ended on top of her. The offending pony paused just long enough to grab something she had been holding in her mouth before she began excitedly jabbering at the pinned mare.

"Hey, Derp—I mean, Ditzy! Why didn't you ever tell me you knew Spitfire! Oh-my-gosh she is so cool! And you know her. It's so awesome!"

Ditzy froze in the act of pushing Rainbow off of her. How did she find out about Spitz? She couldn't tell; she'd promised! "Uhm… what are you saying, Rainbow Dash? I don't know any Spitfire!"

Dash frowned. "Yeah you do, De—Ditzy! Lithe, athletic-looking yellow pegasus? Orange mane and tail? Fire bolt cutie mark? Wonderbolt?"

She tapped her chin with a hoof in thought for a moment, then shook her head vigorously. "Doesn’t ring any bells."

Rainbow Dash stared at her with a look of utter disbelief. She held up the photograph and used her other hoof to point to Spitfire. "By Celestia—This pegasus! Right here, next to you!"

She was shocked stiff as the color rapidly drained from her face. How had Rainbow gotten the picture of her and her best friend? How was she going to keep her promise now? "Uhh… it... well, Spitfire… the thing is…" She was saved from her stuttering by her Dinky walking through the front door.

***

"Hi, Mommy! Why's the door open… oh. Hello, Miss Rainbow Dash." She went silent quickly, scuffing a hoof on the floor. Scootaloo had told her upon meeting up with them that Dash had flown off with the photo. It was usually no big deal: being the embodiment of loyalty, it was almost impossible for her to keep something that belonged to somepony else. But Dash gone and told her mommy that she'd taken the picture, and she knew she'd get in trouble for it now.

Ditzy quickly shifted her crooked gaze to her daughter. "Muffin, it’s almost sundown! Where were you?"

"Oh. Me and Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell were helping Fluttershy with her animals. They were so cute, and…" She trailed off under her mother's stare, one she had come to recognize as cross.

"Well, uhm, leave a note next time, okay?” Her tone softened a bit. “I don’t want to have to worry about you."

Dash cleared her throat, setting the picture down on the nearby dining table. "Uhh, Ditzy, look. About Spitfire, can I—"

"Muffin, go wash your hooves. It’s almost dinner time. Rainbow Dash, let’s talk on the porch."

***

As Dinky headed toward the kitchen, the two grown pegasi went outside, Ditzy shutting the door behind her. She rounded on Dash with a small frown.

"I told you, Rainbow Dash, I don’t know what you’re talking about."

Dash cringed. "Please, Ditzy! Don't lie to me! This could be my chance! To show a Wonderbolt my moves one-on-one, without her being unconscious this time! I'm asking—I'm begging you! Just ask her for me, please!"

She stamped her hoof and snorted. "I TOLD YOU, I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! It isn’t true and I don’t know Spitfire! Please leave, Rainbow Dash!"

Dash’s eyes, which had gone wide during Ditzy’s tirade, quickly narrowed. She stamped a hoof back. "Yeah? Well fine, Derpy! You don't want to help me, that's fine! I don't need your help, you feather-brained walleye! You want to stand there and lie to me, that's fine! I'll impress Spitfire, and the rest of the Wonderbolts too, WITHOUT YOUR HELP!" She turned around and flew away, barely missing the edge of the porch during her violent takeoff.

Ditzy went back inside, her eyes watering from Dash’s words, to find her daughter sitting at the table crying. She had obviously heard them shouting on the porch.

"I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry I took the photo from your book! I didn't mean to make her mad at you! I thought she'd be happy…"

She walked over and gave her Dinky a strong hug as she cried.

"I j-just wanted everypony to l-like you, Mommy. I wanted them to see how c-cool you were."

Ditzy was crying too, not just from Rainbow Dash, but because she was proud of her daughter. Even though her methods weren't so good, her heart was in the right place. And Dinky thought she was cool. The filly eventually cried herself out, and after a last squeeze from her mother, the two went about eating their dinner.

---

The news had spread quickly through the small town of Ponyville, lent wings by the gossip grapevine.

"Dad! You won't believe what I learned at school today!"

"Well, son, I'm glad you're finally showing some more interest in your schoolwork."

"Huh? No, not that! Dinky's mom knows Spitfire!"

"…HAHAHA! That's a good one!"

"No, really! Dinky had a picture and everything!"

"…You aren't joking, are you?"

---

"Ditzy Doo? Yeah, pull the other one."

"No, I'm serious! Apparently, her daughter brought a picture to school."

"I'll believe it when I see it!"

---

"Ditzy Doo? And Spitfire?"

"Eeeyup."

"You can't be for real. You are joking with me, right?

"Nnnope. It's all over town; heard it by the apple stand."

---

"Seriously? Her and Spitfire? Ooo, how scandalous!"

"I know, it's like, totally shocking."

"Hey, do you remember that magazine that said Spitfire was a supposed to be a… you know?"

"You think her and Ditzy were…? Ewww, no way!"

"So way!"

"No way!"

---

"Hey, Cheerilee! So, apparently there was some issue with a photograph of Ditzy at school today?"

“How did you… well yes, it was a minor thing really, nothing bad. Just her and her pegasus friend, but it disrupted my lesson something awful."

"Wait, you mean there was a picture?"

---

A brown pegasus with a soccer ball cutie mark flew out of Ponyville just before the sun started to go down. He arrived some time later in the evening in central Manehatten, approaching a rather tall but otherwise unremarkable office building, with the title Equestria Today emblazoned above the door in white block letters. He entered quickly, smiling to the earth mare receptionist in the lobby. "Evening, Wink. Is Flash Bulb around? I need to talk to him right quick."

She smiled back and pointed to where the white pegasus with a light blue mane and film strip cutie mark was just exiting the stairwell.

"Thanks."

Flash Bulb gave the brown pegasus a grin as he walked across the lobby toward him. "Hey, Kicker, long time. Haven't seen you around here since that Fluttershy tip you gave me. Here to catch up? Wanna hit a bar or something?"

"Maybe in a bit, Flash. Right now, I think I got another tip for you. Hot one."

Flash gave a lazy grin. "Well, who woulda thought it from little old Ponyville? What kinda craziness you got comin' outta that town today?"

Kicker's smile turned smug. "It isn't so much going out as coming in, and its name is Spitfire. She's been visiting somepony in secret. Do I have your attention?"

"Hmm… let me take you back upstairs. My boss is gonna want to hear this, and I have the feeling you have just handed me a nice raise, my friend."

"Well, I guess you can buy the first drink then."

A short time later, both pegasi were seated comfortably facing the desk of a light teal earth pony with an open newspaper cutie mark. His voice was a crisp, authoritative bark. "Flash, I thought you were headed home! What are you doin' back up here?"

"Well, boss, Kicker here came and found me, says he's got a hot tip. Says Spitfire's been visiting Ponyville."

The boss turned to Kicker. "Now why would somepony like Spitfire be visitin' someplace like Ponyville?"

"Well, isn't that what you're supposed to ask the pony she's visiting?"

The boss gave a chuckle. "Good point. You seen her come into town?"

"No, but my friend's daughter saw a picture in school today that proved she was there, and I asked the teacher. She confirmed it."

"I dunno. Sounds kinda flimsy. Who was she visiting?"

"Some clumsy, kinda oblivious pegasus named Ditzy Doo. Lives out near…" Both newsponys had gone shock stiff.

Flash slowly turned toward Kicker. "Grey pony? Yellow eyes, seven bubbles cutie mark?"

"I don't know her eye color. Bubbles... yeah, I think seven."

Flash whipped around to face his boss again. "It all fits. That'd explain why Spitfire's there. It's enough to risk going out there."

"I agree. Go back with Kicker here and get the scoop. Get back here before deadline tomorrow, and don't mess this up."

Flash smiled. It was time to go find out what the legendary Ditzy Doo had been up to, and what she was hiding from the rest of the world down in rural Ponyville.

Comments

[Alastor Sweetcrow]

Manly tears were shed.

[Csquared08]

Derpy is... legendary? What?

[LunaGunaLoon]

i like derpy dont get me wrong but i wana know who Dinkiy's dad is

[Skeeter The Lurker]

This isn't going to go well...

Now would probably be a good tie to be wary of that Sad tag...

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Xorn]

It's about to be known Let's see where this goes!

[Leapingriver]

I see where this is going. I think I may have figured out how this is going to play out.
Let me guess. She was a Wonderbolt and there was an accident which is how Spitfire knows her, how she ended up walleyed and why she's so clumsy and stuff, and why she's "the legendary Derpy" right?
Welp that's my guess. It's a nice story I like it, I really like how you kept a jerk persona to Dash, cuz she is and I think in a situation like that she would be a jerk. My face kinda hurt when you had Dinky as her daughter but I've come to expect that :/ oh oh do we get a hint at who her father is? Or is it still anonymous? I'm intrigued, this has really caught my attention, I have high hopes for it very well written

[Sophisticated Pyro]

My to do list today:

Go to dentist

Watch soul eater

Order pizza

kill rainbow dash for being a jerk

huh, looks like I missed one. Better search for a hitman's number

[the one guy on the left]

>>Memes VS ponies
1-800-I-KILL-YOU
fair warning the customer service is a former suicide bomber