Ch 7: Black and White
Chapter 7
Black and White
“You need to relax, Mark!”
“I am relaxed!”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I am.”
“Really?”
“You don’t believe me? Look at me: I’m as composed as a sonata. I’m as chill as a snowman on Pluto! I’m as tranquil as a zookeeper’s dart gun! If I get any more relaxed, I’m going to melt like a cat in the sun! Now turn on the scanner!”
“Just try taking a deep breath so that we know for sure!”
“Twilight Sparkle! I have never been so bloody relaxed!” I barked.
“Alrighy, then…” For some reason, she still looked doubtful.
Click!
Wiii-Bzzzt!
…
Twilight Sparkle and I stared at her vitagraph as it shorted out yet again. Neither of us were surprised, and yet both of us remained staring at the machine long after it fell silent. Finally, with a sound like a punctured bike tire, I released my held breath and shook my head.
“Well, that’s thirteen now.” With a resigned motion, Twilight turned off her scientific instrument. She furrowed her brow and glanced back at her blackboard.
The two of us were in the basement of the Golden Oak Library, a cool, cavernous subterranean storage area that Twilight Sparkle had quickly adopted as her new laboratory. To the untrained eye, it looked like a forest of Nixie tubes and Jacob’s ladders, but to a magic student, it was a candy store. Granted, the ‘resonance chamber’, ‘quantum abyss’ and ‘vitagraph’ were intimidating contraptions to a newcomer like myself, but the abundance of cluttered blackboards, magic equations and scrawled graphs that adorned the walls helped put me at ease. At least it looked like the purple unicorn knew what she was doing…
Keyword: ‘looked’.
“I just don’t understand.” Twilight muttered for the thirteenth time that day.
“And you’re sure it’s not the helmet? I still say it’s a little big for me.”
“It’s not the helmet.” She snapped. “It doesn’t need full skin contact.”
“If you say so.” I shrugged and pulled a device off my skull that was something akin to a satellite dish and a colander. I carefully set it down on a machine about as large and noisy as a washing machine and joined the unicorn as she perused my test results.
The vitagraph, according to the little scientist, was an invaluable magic instrument used not only for collecting data about a pony’s core magic ability (their soul), but the rate at which that energy effected the surrounding world (radiant aura). For some reason, Applejack had given me the day off, so I promptly invested it in what was quickly becoming my new passion, magic lessons. Unfortunately, this time with Twilight had hit an unexpected snag when she offered to let me ‘see’ my own magic potential on her device. Without going into too much detail, the process was about as fruitless and as frustrating as troubleshooting Wi-Fi.
“I just don’t understand…” Fourteenth. “According to these readings, you’re not technically alive.”
“Well, I’m not looking forward to breaking the news to my family.” I leaned far over her purple shoulder, partly to look at the thirteen second-long quips of data she had compiled and partly to prove that I certainly wasn’t dead.
“You’ve seem to have a strong soul, but the vitagraph is having trouble reading its polarity. And as for your aura, it’s completely negligible.”
“So, why does the crystal fuse keep popping?” I folded my arms. Twilight just stared at me and shook her head,
“That’s a safety so nopony can damage the calibrators, but it’s only supposed to go off if it’s overloaded with aura. And like I said,”
“Got it.” I scrunched up my face and sighed angrily. “No aura.”
“I just don’t understand…” If I had a bit for every time she said that…
Twilight leered at the graphs in front of her the way Fluttershy recently stared down that giant red dragon. The unicorn’s gaze nearly burnt through the paper as she willed them to yield whatever secrets she was missing. I was as frustrated as she was, but,
“Well, let’s take a break.” I finally said it. I had to say it. I was the only one who could say it. I knew that Twilight Sparkle was in problem-solving mode and even though it killed me to walk away from something so fascinating, I had to. I knew that the little magic student would sooner drive herself insane than step away from something she couldn’t understand. I. E. ‘It’s About Time’.
“What? Hey! Where are you going?”
“To take a pee!” I mounted the stairs and harshly yanked the top door open.
“You’re coming back, right? Right?”
“Come on, Twi. We need to clear our heads and you need some fresh air.” I shouted back.
Once up in the library, I paused as another pressurized sigh escaped me. I felt hot under the collar, restless, pent up, and I didn’t know why. I just felt irritable, which didn’t make any sense. Twilight Sparkle had been kind enough to donate her time and toys to helping me study magic and even though it felt as if we had just wasted two hours of our lives, there was hardly anything for me to be angry about.
I tried to let my stress wash down the drain as I relieved myself and then splashed cold water on my face. It helped a little bit, and as I readied my razor to shave, I had an extra moment to collect my imprudent emotions.
“Well, what were you expecting?” I asked my reflection quietly. “Did you really think magic was going to be easy? Did you really have your heart so set on being a splendid magic student that one little bump in the road is going to get under your skin like this?”
“You’re talking to yourself again.” The mirror replied. “You only do that when you’ve got something weighty on your mind.”
“Then you should be quiet, Mark.” I tried to focus on not cutting myself with the sharp metal blade.
“Oh, come on. Admit it. You’re worried about something.”
I had to confess, I was right. A road bump wasn’t anything unusual. In fact, life itself was nothing more than a series of road bumps. But this was more like a concrete blockade than a regular bump.
I had barely scratched the surface of magic yet, but I knew the general basics. A magician’s soul was the core of their being, filling their body with energy. With the proper training, talent, and genetics, a caster could push their life into the world around them and bend it or rewrite its rules. But the whole core of magic, the entire concept and science of it is based on that one thing, the rate at which energy from inside can get outside. And that rate was defined by your aura footprint. Something I evidently didn't have.
“Hey, it’s not like this is anything new.” Myself tried to comfort me. “You never had magic back home, so it’s not like you’ve lost anything not having it here, right? Sure, getting your hopes up like that hurts, but…”
“It’s not just that.” I reminded myself. I carefully cleaned my razor in the sink, taking special care not to get the bandages on my left arm wet. I stared at the cloth wrappings for a long time, remembering the painful burns they concealed.
‘Dragonshy’ had come only a couple days ago, taking myself and Ponyville by surprise. There was no question to it, I had to join the girls on their quest to confront the dragon, but I had done little to nothing to prepare myself beforehand. In haste, I spent almost all of my meager savings on a durable tent tarp that was advertised to be flame-proof, but I had no time or way to test that claim. I was terrified that the episode’s ‘real’ dragon would be a Smaug-esque titanic harbinger of flame and rage with an attitude to match, and that it would probably blow real fire instead of just smoke.
As it turned out, my tarp came in handy. Not just for dragging Fluttershy up the mountain side, but also for the moment of truth when the dragon, crimson as a bloody ruby and roaring like wildfire, unleashed his breath against us. As fate would have it, the dragon was in the middle of ‘smelting’, a period in a dragon’s life when they gorge themselves on minerals and then hibernate, burning off tones of soot and chaff so that their body digests only the purest elements. In the end, it didn’t blow fire, but the boiling hot gas that erupted from its jaws wasn’t much more merciful.
Because of my tarp, (and the fact that I was expecting the attack) Rarity got to keep her eyelashes, Rainbow Dash got to keep her feathers and even Twilight Sparkle got out of that situation unscathed, but Applejack, Pinkie Pie and I all received red badges of courage. Especially Pinkie. I got burned up my left arm and Applejack got a couple hot spots on ‘Bucks McGee’, but Pinkie Pie got not-so-pink spots on all four legs and an ear. And things would have gotten much worse if Fluttershy hadn’t been so brave back then.
I groaned for the hundredth time as I looked at the bandages I wore.
“Without magic, I’m just… human.” And in this world, just being human wasn’t going to cut it. Unfortunately, everything I had learned about magic and everything Twilight’s machine was telling me implied that humans weren’t built for magic.
I clenched my fist and bit my tongue in silent frustration as my skin began to tingle once more. Again, I had only been studying magic for a couple days total, Twilight was doing everything she could to help me, and her machine was giving inconclusive results, not negative ones. So, why did I still feel like there was a nest of hot ants running around under my skin?
“I need a stress reliever.” I told my reflection. My reflection nodded to I in understanding.
“Well, just find something you love doing. Something calming. What did you usually do to relax back home?” The answer was simple; go on a walk. There was a nice route around my neighborhood that I used to take all the time with my dog. It even had a serene jot through the local woods. I absolutely loved it and it always made me feel better.
Well, Equestria had plenty of space, it had trails, it had lovely scenery, and it had a forest. Only one problem, it wasn’t just any forest. It was THE forest. The place that ‘just ain’t natural!’
The place where plants grow,
Animals care for themselves,
And the clouds move,
All on their own!
“Well, that’s odd. It almost sounds… normal.” Right then and there, I decided I could use a little normal nature for a change. Forget the cragadyles, I would have to explore the Everfree someday and it might as well be that day.
I spun on my heel, flung open the bathroom door and marched straight for the library’s exit. In the next instant, I reached back into the bathroom, snatched my razor off the edge of the sink and slid it into my pocket.
Couldn’t hurt to be careful, though…
Pretty soon, I was standing on the abrupt boarder between the valley of Ponyville and the Everfree forest. The trees stood like a wall of sentinels, challenging anyone audacious enough to invade their realm. Armed with only a canteen, my razor and my lantern, I swallowed cautiously and ducked into the forest’s shady twilight.
Immediately, the air grew hushed, the wind became tranquil and the radiant sunlight was reduced to slender rays, like fingers, reaching through the boughs. I kept my eyes wide and my ears sharp, but despite my apprehension, the Everfree forest was blanketed in a sense of serenity that I couldn’t help but fall under. Everything, from the leaves basking on the branches to the flecks of dust hanging in the air, felt still. It was as if the plants, the soil and even the rocks were holding their breath.
It took mine away.
The last time I had been in this forest, I was under-dressed, unprepared, and still reeling from the fact that I had been dropped (literally) in the middle of a world that wasn’t supposed to exist in the first place. In the daylight, and with shoes on my feet, it felt like a completely different world. Before I knew it, I was wandering contentedly along the banks of a giggling brook, a soft smile on my face. The trees, the flowers, and the undergrowth were all alien species, but they flourished with each other, forming such a natural scene that I forgot that I wasn’t on Earth. The forest was like a living hall with pillars of wood and a roof of green stained glass. It was dangerously peaceful and purged my stress in the same way cold water purges thirst.
“Perhaps I should have told Twilight where I was going.” I thought to myself, sitting placidly next to the brook. “Or perhaps I should have invited her to come with me. After all, she’d probably enjoy this place as much as I. After she gets over all the lore and superstition, of course.” Well, that would come with time. After all, after meeting Zecora the zebra, Twilight supposedly made regular trips through the Everfree forest.
“Yeah, but don’t forget, she also had a bad run-in with a cockatrice in ‘Stare Master’.” God forbid if that one nagging fear in the back of my mind ever fell silent and just let me enjoy the moment.
“Perhaps this forest isn’t as bad as everypony says. The ever-present possibility of mountain lions never kept me off the hiking trails back home, right?”
I glanced up at the lazily-drifting clouds above and let my eyes stare off into the realm of memories. I missed home. That didn’t mean that I wanted to go back, mind you, I wouldn’t trade this adventure for the world. But I did wish I could contact my family. Let them know I was all right. I didn’t know what was happening back on Earth. Had I simply vanished from my life? Was time still marching forward? Did they miss me?
I missed them.
With a shake of my head, I tried to change my train of thought to something more enjoyable. It wouldn’t do myself or my family any good for me to fall into a melancholy. I had to focus on the good things. For example, my family would have loved to come on this walk today. They were really into outdoors and every year we tried to find a new favorite camp site or reclusive sliver of paradise. Especially my dad and my brother. They were both into boy scouts and loved camping, hiking, and even fishing. In fact, the river at my feet would be a perfect fishing spot. My eyes drifted down to the brook where little trout were pecking bugs off the surface of the water. In spite of myself, my mouth began watering.
“Fiiissshhheeessss…” That was probably my best King Sombra impression yet. Immediately, my mind began formulating a way to catch a couple. Here in the forest, there was plenty of wood and I had ways of starting a fire. My razor could clean them perfectly. Just the thought of a couple plump trout, skewered over a fire with their oily skin sizzling like butter was enough to drive me crazy. Even a mouthful of their flaky meat would be utterly rapturous. Subconsciously, my tongue ran along the blade of my teeth.
Nopony would know.
Slap!
My own hand leapt up like a snake and struck me across the cheek.
“No! Bad Mark!” I scolded. “No meat, remember?” All the stress that I had just offloaded came flooding back. I obviously couldn’t eat any animals in Equestria, and yet over the past couple weeks, it had slowly occupied more and more of my thoughts. There should have been no question about it, every animal in this world was sentient and thus, there was no way to justify killing them. The cows talked, the squirrels would greet you in the morning, the mice had little families in their holes and even the goram spiders would smile and hand you flowers!
And yet, I kept trying to find ways to kill and eat. My thoughts were shameful, but they were a primal instinct growing stronger every day.
“No, no and no!” With a huff, I pulled myself to my feet and marched away from the water, away from the temptation. There would be no forgiveness from the ponies if they ever found out I was a carnivore. Twilight would probably treat me like another fascinating lab experiment, but the others would just see me as some kind of monster. Rarity especially would think I’m a bloody barbarian, Applejack wouldn’t let me near Apple Bloom ever again and Fluttershy? Oh, God, Fluttershy… She would be traumatized to find out I could eat all her forest friends. Even now, I could picture the look of shock and fear on her face. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened. Even more than the pain in my stomach, I couldn’t live with myself for hurting Fluttershy like that.
All of Ponyville would probably just throw me to the timberwolves. It would be a fitting fate for a predator like me.
So engrossed in my thoughts was I that I didn’t realize there was a large creature moving through the forest underbrush until I was right on top of it. My eyes snapped out of their daydream and my brain shot a wad of adrenaline into my veins as I heard something shuffling behind a bush. Within a splintered second, I vanished behind a sturdy tree trunk and froze. Through the cover of the branches and twigs, I could see a large brown shape pause and then lift its head as if listening. It looked like nothing else I had ever seen on Earth or on the show. For a moment, I and the creature waited, unsure of who had seen who first. I slipped my hand into my pocket and fingered my razor. Then, the figure spoke,
“Of your presence, I’m well aware.
Must I yet ask, ‘who is there’?”
“… Zecora?” Grinning with relief and confusion, I slowly stepped out from behind my cover. Sure enough, everypony’s favorite zebra was standing opposite me with her cloak pulled protectively over her head. I couldn’t see much of her face because of her hood, but her posture was erect and wary. I immediately tried to put her at ease and assure her that I wasn’t a foe,
“Good morning, Zecora!” Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. “How are you doing today?”
“Alas, new things I always find.
I’ve not yet seen one of your kind.
You seem polite, I can say at least.
It’s obvious you’re not a common beast.” Zecora’s frown of confusion quickly melted into a confident grin.
“Well, thank you for saying so?” I laughed. “No, I don’t blame you for not seeing a human before. I think I’m the only one around here. I guess you can relate, huh? Anyway, I’m Mark. Nice to meet you.”
“It’s not often I talk to someone new.
Thus, it is a pleasure for me to meet you too.
My name is Zecora, but it carries not much fame,
So pray tell, how did you already know my name?”
Busted!
“Hm? Oh, I just figured since you were the only zebra around, that you’d have to be Zecora. I mean, I just recently moved to Ponyville, and they all know who you are.” Man, I hadn’t even realized that I had made such a big blunder until she pointed it out.
At the mention of Ponyville, my new friend lowered her gaze and began kicking at the dirt.
“Very well. So I see.
I guess a reputation precedes me.”
Her black hoof pawed restlessly at the ground. I watched her for a moment silently. Apparently, this was still before the episode ‘Bridle Gossip’, so Zecora was still treated like a stranger and an outcast to Ponyville. Which was too bad, because she was actually a great character, and full of forgiveness considering that she was eventually going to be accused of cursing everypony. I wanted to encourage her, so I said,
“Hey, now, don’t let it get under your skin.
Just take your frustration and pop it with a pin.
They’ll soon befriend you, I’ll even bet.
They just haven’t had that friendship lesson yet.” In spite of myself, I found rhymes dribbling out of my mouth. Rather than taking this as mockery or insult, however, Zecora actually laughed,
“I hope your words will soon come true.
But is my speech really wearing off on you?” She asked. I laughed at myself as well,
“Can’t blame me for growing up on Dr. Seuss.
I guess rhyming’s just really fun to use.
Um… Hold on a moment…” I had to pause to come up with the next part. “Ok, how about,
But the biggest question of all time,
Is why do you insist on speaking rhyme?”
Zecora smiled and held her hoof to her lips knowingly.
“Ah, that’s a piece of good advice.
Before I speak, I must think twice.”
“Oh… Ok. That’s actually really cool.” I nodded in understanding.
“It’s nice to hear you say so, for a change.
Most others merely think it’s strange.” Her cloaked eyes glanced ever so slightly back at Ponyville. I spoke up.
“Hey, if you’re talking about Ponyville,
Don’t let it get to you, they mean no ill.
I mean, I’m a creature as strange as they come,
But they gave me quite a warm welcome.
I don’t understand their apprehension,
But I’ll talk to them, every one.
Show them they have nothing to fear,
No reason to hide when you come near.
Just hold on a little, just you wait,
They’ll come through, more sooner than late.”
Zecora lifted her eyebrows and nodded approvingly,
“I’ve not given up hope, I never would.
But I must say, your poem was rather good.”
“Yeah, I don’t know where that came from, either.” I shrugged sheepishly.
“You seem a gentleman, if ever I’ve met one,
And you’ve lifted my spirits like the high noon sun.
If ever you’d like to visit me,
I live by the river in the twisted tree.”
This reminded me of something, so I held up a finger and explained,
“Actually, I’m rather glad that we crossed paths.
See, recently we met a dragon’s wrath.” I tugged at my bandages to show Zecora the swollen skin underneath,
“Most of the heat was deflected,
But I fear the wound may yet get infected.
So do you have a remedy,
To cure the damaged skin on me?
I especially ask for my friends,
See, there’s this one who bounces to no end.
She won’t let the wound get closed,
Unless with tranquilizers she gets hosed. (Ok, that one was pretty bad.)
I wonder if a potion I could buy,
To help heal even Pinkie Pie.”
After a careful examination at the damaged area, Zecora nodded reassuringly up at me.
“Aloe laced with an icy seal,
Will quickly cause this wound to heal.
I can make some from the elmhorst nut,
I have a couple in my hut.
But I fear this conversation cannot last.
I hear a number of ponies, approaching fast.”
“A number of ponies?” I wondered, temporarily lapsing out of the rhyme. “In the Everfree forest? Why would they dare to come-” And… cue epiphany moment! “Zecora! Is this your first time visiting town since the Nightmare Moon incident?”
“What is the meaning of your quiz?
What happens if I say it is?”
“Then that means-” I turned in the general direction of Ponyville just as the forest was filled with Applejack’s angry shout,
“Apple Bloom!?”
Zecora and I looked back down the meandering trail towards Ponyville to see a little red-headed filly freeze in her tracks. Sure enough, Apple Bloom had crept up on the two of us while we were chatting and now she was frozen as if King Midas had given her a bear hug. Her large eyes went wide as she found herself trapped between the dreaded Zecora and the rapidly-approaching stampede of Ponyville ponies. Surrounding her hooves was a veritable sea of neon blue plants.
“Wait! Girls!” I held up my hands in a desperate gesture to stop them, but it was too late. Apple Bloom at least had the good sense to walk on the footpath that Zecora had taken, but the rest of the M6 were plowing through the forest undergrowth like Spanish bulls in the San Fermin Festival. Zecora and I both winced at the sight of blue leaves being kicked up into the air.
“You get back here right now!” Applejack scolded, frustration and worry lacing her voice.
“Beware! Beware, you pony folk!
Those leaves of blue are not a joke!” But Zecora’s warning fell on deaf ears. Instead, it only seemed to raise the tension,
“Y-you keep your creepy mumbo-jumbo to yourself, ya hear?” Applejack protectively scooped her little sister up onto her back while the other ponies adopted defensive and hostile postures. Even Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had landed in the Poison Joke just so that they could paw restlessly at the ground.
“Yeah! Was that supposed to scare us?”
“Wicked zebra-”
“-In a big, tasty stew!!”
Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie proceeded to make angry pony noises while Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy stood silently by. It was clear that this ‘conversation’ was going nowhere fast, so I turned to Zecora and said,
“Thank you for a pleasant afternoon.
I truly think I’ll see you soon.”
She merely nodded, keeping her eyes on the tiny mob still shouting at her.
“Beware! Beware!” She repeated, retreating into the embrace of the forest.
“Yeah! Back at ya, Zecora!” Rainbow Dash spat, “You and your lame curses are the ones who better beware!”
“And you!” AJ finally turned pleadingly to Apple Bloom, “Why couldn’t you just listen to yer big sister?”
“I… I…” The little filly opened her mouth, but no words came out.
“Hey, be nice, Applejack. You’re scaring her.”
“An’ she should be scared!” The earth pony was strangely zealous, but then again, she always was when it came to protecting her family. “Apple Bloom, who knows what kind of nasty curse Zecora could have just put on you!”
“Just like in my song!” The latest hit from Pinkie Pie began to play on an endless loop.
“Mark? What in Equestria are you doing all the way out here anyways?” Twilight Sparkle spoke up.
“And hanging out with Zecora, too!” Rainbow Dash leveled her eyes like daggers at me. I opened my hands in a helpless gesture.
“I wanted to go on a relaxing walk,
And I found somepony to share a pleasant talk.
I’ll admit, she might look like an odd one,
But besides that, she’s really quite fun.” I flashed a quick grin, but instead of lightening up the mood, my diddy had the opposite effect. Seven pairs of pony pupils dilated and stared at me as if a zebra had just crawled out of my mouth.
“Now you’re talkin’ creepy too!?” Applejack’s jaw dropped.
“Zecora got him!” Rainbow Dash squeaked. “She put a curse on Mark!
“What!? No! I just think paired-up words are fun to make…
But I’ll admit it’s a hard habit for me to break.”
“You guys, there’s no such thing as curses!” Twilight insisted.
“Or maybe they’re partners!” The blue pegasus kicked up a fresh batch of leaves as she leered suspiciously at me. So much for her fabled loyalty. One-by-one, her accusing expression spread to faces of the other ponies.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Knock it off, guys! Look, it’s me!” I shrugged helplessly. “Seriously, though, the only curse around here is the curse of ignorance that you’ve all inflicted on yourselves. The only one who hasn’t caught the ‘bigotry bug’ is the one pony who’s too young to take everything at face value and that’s Apple Bloom!”
“So why did you come out here today, huh?” Dash asked pointedly.
“You must admit, dear, it looks rather suspicious.” Rarity agreed.
They got me there. The ponies probably wouldn’t understand if I told them that I had come to the spooky Everfree forest for the scenery. And I certainly couldn’t tell them that I was looking to be alone with my thoughts or find something to eat. As I turned this over in my head, my moment of hesitation was enough to ignite the spark of suspicion seeded in each of the girl’s minds. In their eyes I could see them looking at me in the same way they looked at Zecora. Angry and afraid. I gestured at Apple Bloom,
“I was doing the same thing she was. I got curious about this place, so I wanted to find out more about it. I was investigating! By the way, that’s a good thing you did, Apple Bloom, kudos to your bravery.”
“Don’t go encouragin’ her, Mark!” Applejack scolded.
“But she was here when I ran into Zecora! She can prove that I met Zecora by accident and that we’re not partners or anything like that. She’s really a nice lady, after all, and I’m ashamed of you girls for acting so beastly towards her.”
“Apple Bloom?” AJ looked back at her little sister. The filly flinched.
“Well… they were talking about makin’ potions…” And that sealed it. In the pony’s minds, I was officially in cahoots with the town spook.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Apple Bloom…” I muttered.
“Twilight! What are we gonna do with him?” Rainbow Dash asked, “What if he’s a spy that Zecora sent to Ponyville? What if he’s just her puppet? What if Zecora made him out of her magic and that’s why he’s the only human we’ve ever seen!?”
“… And if you look deep in her eyes, she’ll put you in trances!” Pinkie Pie continued like a broken record. Aside from her squeaky voice, an uncomfortable silence fell over the scene. I groaned and pleaded,
“I don’t know what to tell you, Dash. All I can say is what if you’re wrong? What if this is all a mistake and I’m not under any curse and I’m exactly who I say I am? What do you want me to do?”
“Prove it!” The cyan pegasus said definitely.
I cast around in my mind for a way out of the situation, but my search results came back empty. Ideas were nasty things if you found yourself on the narrow-minded spectrum of things and here I was, cornered with mounting evidence against me. And tomorrow, when all the ponies woke up ‘cursed’ and I remained unaffected, things would only get worse.
That’s when the latest of my notoriously bad ideas was born. I looked at each of the ponies with a flat expression, held my hands out in surrender, and fell backwards into the poison joke.
“Um…” Twilight Sparkle looked down at me uncertainly.
“Mark, whatever has possessed you? Think about the fabric!” Rarity balked.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Rainbow Dash asked suspiciously.
“Weed.” I stared up through the tree branches. “I’m chilling out, and apparently I’m not the only one who needs to do so. You all need to dial it back, reevaluate this situation, and drop your misconceptions before you get all the facts. And if you can’t do that, then I might as well just stay here.” I flapped my arms and legs for effect, making a poison angel.
“Get up you big filly.” Dash shook her head.
“Indeed, this is very immature.” Rarity agreed.
“He’s got a point, though.” Twilight Sparkle spoke up. “My magic, real magic, comes from within. It’s a skill you’re born with. Curses are artificial, fake magic. It’s conjured with potions and incantations; all smoke and mirrors meant to scare. But curses have no real power. They’re just an old pony tale.”
One-by-one, the ponies looked at each other and slowly turned back towards Ponyville. The tension was still in the air, and Rainbow Dash still kept an eye locked on my every move, but at least we were getting out of the forest. The location wasn’t helping put anypony at ease.
“Just you wait, Twilight.” Applejack warned, “You’re gonna learn that some pony tales really are true…”
Nopony spoke during the walk back to town. They were all lost in their own thoughts, glancing around nervously at the shady forest or at the ‘cursed’ human. I decided to keep my mouth shut for the time being and tread lightly until this episode wrapped up. I’d never seen my friends this nervous before and I wouldn’t have ever expected them to take their fear out on me the way they did. I pulled a blue leaf out of my collar and regarded it thoughtfully.
Despite my interference, the show was still on track. Apple Bloom hadn’t touched any of the blue leaves thanks to her big sister. (A horse riding a horse! So wrong! It’s unnatural!) But everypony else had been thoroughly exposed to the ivy-like plant. My skin felt oily everywhere the leaves had touched and I smelled faintly like greasy hair. What I couldn’t deduce, however, was how the rest of the episode would play out. Originally, the moral of the story was ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’, but that was before I was accused of being born from a zebra’s magic cauldron. Now it was more like ‘the perils of paranoia, gossip, and jumping to conclusions’. I figured I’d just have to wing it like everything else.
There were still a couple things troubling me, though, but I waited until I was alone with Twilight before asking them.
“So, do you have any idea what’s going on?” I asked pointedly as the door to the Golden Oak Library closed behind me. “Are all the ponies mad?”
“They’re just superstitious. I’m sure Zecora didn’t put a curse on us.”
“That’s fine, but that’s not what I meant. I just don’t see how a place as famously hospitable as Ponyville can alienate Zecora like that. Can you imagine how frustrating that must be for her?”
“Well, as a human, I guess you wouldn’t see it, but there’s something about Zecora that’s just… off.” Twilight said helplessly. “I don’t know how to explain it, but everything about her gives ponies the chills.”
“Can’t you at least try and explain it?” I leaned against a low table. “You’re the scientific one, after all.”
“Well, for starters, her skull shape. There’s something wrong with the muzzle. And her mane looks more like broom bristles than hair. I’m with you, I think everypony is getting worked up over nothing, but I can see how these rumors started. She’s just unsettling to look at.”
“And yet I’ve got a pointy nose and a bird’s nest on my head and nopony bats an eye.”
“Yeah, but we know you.”
“Doesn’t Zecora deserve the same chance?”
“I don’t know. But I guess that’s up to her. She can come meet us whenever she’s ready to leave the Everfree forest.”
“She tried that.” I said dryly. “Everypony pretended they were closed for the day.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Mark. But until we know for sure who she is and what she wants, I’d recommend avoiding Zecora for now. Even if just for your image.”
I snorted dismissively. After all that, the only concrete thing the ponies knew about Zecora was that she was ‘unsettling’. But perhaps it made more sense that way. They were fine with minotaurs, dragons and humans visiting town, but zebras? Madness! Perhaps it had something to do with the ‘uncanny valley’ theory. That Zecora was similar to other ponies, but alien enough that the other equines felt an instinctive wariness whenever they saw her. For example, 99 out of 100 humans will say that a baby gorilla is cuter than a baby human with a cleft palate. (And the last one is probably the poor kid’s mother.) A gorilla for crying out loud! It’s got an old grandpa face at only a day old! Yet, there’s just something about a cleft palate that immediately sets off uncomfortable feelings in a human’s brain. Perhaps it’s the same story between ponies and zebras.
Thoughts like these and the overwhelming apprehension for the next day’s events made it almost impossible to fall asleep that night. I was leery about how the ponies were going to react after getting ‘cursed’ and I myself had no idea of what special trick the poison joke had in store for me. All I could do was try to rest up and brace myself for tomorrow, but my sleep was far from peaceful. I think I burnt about 1,000 calories tossing and turning and a series of confusing dreams surrounded me like a flock of attacking birds. It was almost a relief to wake up.
Almost.
“Ughhhh...” I sighed, peeling my eyes open. The oily feeling from the poison joke was gone, but my head was fuzzy and my throat felt tight. I swallowed and was just about to rub the crusites out of my eyes when I remembered what episode I was in. I snapped my eyes open as my brain revved into high gear.
I was laying on my back, in my bed, in Twilight Sparkle’s house. So far, so good. Yes, at least my eyes were working. Hearing? Yes, I still had hearing, I could tell the birds outside were whistling cheerfully. What’s next? Limbs? Yes, I had all my limbs, but the sheets felt a little odd. (Even in the middle of my experiment, I had a passing impression that this must be what it’s like for the Doctor every time he regenerates.) Now, about those crusties in my eyes. I cautiously lifted up a hand to brush away the eye boogers, but the appendage that snaked up out of the sheets wasn’t the supple arm I had grown so fond of. It was stubby and capped with tiny digits.
“Yaugh!” I squeaked. Then I realized that I squeaked! “Is that my voice!? Is that MY voice?” The little arm came up to my neck as if it could feel sound. My neck! It was gone! No… It wasn’t gone; it was just as thin as a pencil. I tried to leap out of bed only to find that it was much larger than I remembered. And much higher.
“Yalp!” With the large sheets clinging to me like seaweed, I tumbled to the floor. Battling my bedspread every step of the way, I scrambled over to a mirror. What I saw staring back at me was a little cartoon character about two and a half heads high with massive eyes and a tiny mouth.
“I’m chibi!?” I squealed. The little divot I had for a mouth fell open in surprise.
“… my horn!” Apparently, Twilight had just woken up too. “She cursed my horn!” I kicked off the last of my sheets and ran out into the library. This in itself wasn’t as easy as it used to be, either, thanks to the fact that the place was proportionally bigger than it used to be. And I now had a bloated head to contend with. I had just reached the foot of Twilight’s stairs when the crazed purple unicorn came flying down, barreling me over and knocking me halfway across the library.
“Mark!?” She asked uncertainly. I pulled myself to my pinprick feet.
“Now in fun size!” I checked myself for injuries, but my little body was surprisingly durable. “Rough night?”
“You too? Look what happened to my horn!” Sure enough, the unicorn’s once proud ivory protrusion was now covered in tiny blue spots and was, well, flaccid. I’m sorry, but there was really no other way to describe it.
“Morning…” Spike appeared at the top of the stairs, rubbing his eyes. “What’s all the noise for?” His eyes went wide when he saw the state Twilight and I were in. He looked at us for a while before smiling and turning towards his bed. The smile vanished. “Well, this is all pretty neat, but if I’m still dreaming, then isn’t there supposed to be a hoard of gems beside my bed?”
“It’s not a dream, Spike! Something terrible’s happened to us!” Twilight tried to explain. The dragon came down and measured himself against my new height. I was just as tall as he was if you measured from the top of his scales and the top of my anime hair.
“I don’t know, this looks pretty cool to me…” He poked Twilight’s horn and watched it bounce around limply. “Hee hee!”
“This isn’t funny, Spike! Now focus! I need to find an explanation for what’s happened to us. And are these two symptoms related?” The purple pony reared up and charged straight for her bookshelves. I glanced over at Spike.
“So, uh… I grab the ladder, you grab the books?”
“Deal.” The little dragon and I knocked knuckles before throwing ourselves into action.
The librarian tore into her collection like Link in a pottery house, but without her magic, there was only so much searching she could do. Spike and I did our best to help, but as the frustration mounted and the panic grew, we grew no closer to finding an ‘answer’. (I put that in quotation marks because I obviously knew what was going on and I even knew the cure. The tricky part was trying to appear just as concerned as Twilight without giving myself away. Watching her nuzzle open books while her horn flopped around like an oversized fishing lure was almost too hilarious to bear.)
“No. No. No, no, no! None of these books have any clues!” The purple pony galloped around with her horn slapping her bangs. “There has to be a real reason for this! An illness? An allergy?”
“A curse!” Spike suddenly looked up from a book as he recalled the enigmatic zebra that had haunted town yesterday. Twilight shot him an exasperated look.
“I said a real reason. Something that points to something real.”
“Just to clarify,” I chirped, “you don’t think curses are real?”
“Of course not! That’s just ignorant thinking!” She huffed. “Ponies are afraid of what they don’t understand, so when it comes to superstitions, they’ll believe anything.” I buried my mouth in a book as large as me and muttered,
“Sure. Just remember that when your brother becomes Chrysalis’s puppet...”
“What did you say, Mark?” My large eyes went even wider as the unicorn whirled around on me. I was just about to give a half-baked answer, but Spike came to my rescue,
“How about this one?” The little dragon held out a veridian-green field guide. Twilight Sparkle squinted critically at the title.
“Supernaturals? Spike, the word ‘supernatural’ refers to things like ghosts and spirits and zombies, which are as make-believe as curses. This book is just a bunch of hooey!”
“Now hold your horses!” I lifted a tiny finger. “As soon as you say that something is impossible, you only set yourself up to be proven wrong.” And I would have said that with more gravity had I not sounded like a chipmunk at the time. “You have to keep an open mind about everything!”
“Yeah, what if you’re wrong, Twilight?” Spike shrugged. “What if this really is a-”
“Ah pf-f-furse!” Pinkie Pie appeared in the doorway, desperately trying to shout around a tongue that was as big and puffy as her tail.
“A purse?” Spike scrunched up his face. “How could it be a purse?”
“Pinkie?” Twilight Sparkle stared in shock at the large blue-spotted muscle hanging out of her friend’s mouth. “What happened?”
“Pii pah Zthecorah! Sthee put a cuthe om mii!” The harder she tried to speak, the more Pinkie’s tongue flapped around. The more it flapped around… the grosser things got for her audience.
“Augh! Hey, say it, don’t spray it, Pinkie!” Spike recoiled as a thick spray of saliva flew through the air and pelted him. I giggled squirrel-ishly at him while I protected myself under my book like an umbrella.
Whump!
“What was that?” Twilight looked up in alarm as the entire library shook. I glanced out the window just in time to see Rainbow Dash smash herself against the glass.
“Ow! She’s, oof! Trying to say-ow! Zecora- Oh! She slapped us all with a-ow curse!” The pegasus bumped and knocked herself against the outside of the library like a drunken fly until she finally managed to find the front door. With an unexpected jolt of speed, she careened over our heads and collided with the ladder Spike and I had been using.
“Rainbow Dash! Are you all right?” I ran over to her. At the sound of my rubber ducky-esque voice, RD looked up at me in surprise.
“Mark? What the heck happened to you?”
“Same thing that’s happened to all of us, it seems.”
“She cursed you to be adorable? That’s funny. You’re so short! What’s it like not being the tallest guy in the room anymore, huh?” My face went blank as I stared down at the tangle of limbs and ladder at my feet.
“It’s not as bad as you’d think. For one thing, I can sing nightcore without any artificial effects. Tell me, what’s it like losing your inner ear? Or wearing a ladder for a dress?”
“Oh, ha ha. Get me out of here, would ya? This curse is the worst!”
“I’m afraid I have to agree…” Rarity’s voice came from the direction of the front door, but when I looked over, all I saw was Fluttershy and Cousin Itt.
“Augh!” Spike and Twilight Sparkle both winced in surprise. Out of all the transformations, Rarity’s was the most dramatic. She looked like a snowplow had just tossed her on the side of the road. I nudged Spike and whispered,
“What’s the matter, Spike Not the way you pictured Rarity with her hair down?” I grinned slyly at the little dragon.
“Mark! Don’t say that out loud!” His face went red.
“I hate to say I told ya so, Twilight, but I told ya so!” Finally, Apple Bloom came in behind Rarity and Fluttershy with her now-miniscule big sister riding on her back. (Yeesh! Talk about role reversal!) As happy as I was to not be the smallest person in the room anymore, I was a little preoccupied shoving Rainbow Dash’s head through a ladder rung to enjoy it.
“It’s a curse, I tells ya!” Call me slow, but it was only at this moment when I realized that Applejack’s hat had shrunk along with her. For that matter, so had my own pajamas. Funny, the things that one doesn’t notice when one is suddenly turned kawaii.
“But Fluttershy… seems just fine!” Even as Twilight Sparkle spoke, her eyes were running up and down the yellow pegasus to make sure. Of course, there would be no visible indication that the quiet pony had suddenly switched voices with Blu Mankuma.
“Yes, there doesn’t seem to be a thing wrong with her.” Rarity had to lift the hair out of her eyes to get a proper view.
“Fluttershy?” Twilight asked cautiously. “Are you okay?” Silence. “Is there something wrong with you?” A nod. “Would you care to tell us?” A wince. “So, you’re not going to tell us?” A nod. “Yes, you’re not, of yes, you will?” A shake.
Fortunately, little Applejack had a temper as short as she was,
“Good gravy, girl! What’s wrong with you!?” Fluttershy looked down in surprise at her friend before finally shying away and admitting,
“I don’t want to talk about it…” More than a couple jaws dropped in surprise. Even I almost burst out laughing like Woody Woodpecker. Spike lost it,
“Hahahahaha! This is hilarious! Hehaha! Look at all of you! We got ‘Harity’, ‘Rainbow Crash’, ‘Spitty Pie’, ‘Apple Teeny’, ‘Flutterguy’, and-” He pointed at me,
“-Don’t say it-”
“’Cutie Mark’! And…” He looked up at Twilight. “… uh… I got nothin’. Twilight Sparkle, I mean seriously. I can’t even work with that.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Twilight’s laughter was as dry as the Sahara. “This is no joke, Spike. Now start looking for more books so I can find a cure!” Spike obediently stopped laughing, but I could still see his lips curling in a smirk.
With a twist and one last shove, I freed Rainbow Dash from her makeshift yolk. She leapt up into the air, wobbling dangerously as she tried to hover.
“Thanks.” She admitted. “And I’m sorry for saying you were Zecora’s minion yesterday, Mark.”
“Oh? Why the apology?”
“Well, if you were working with that creep, then there’s no way she would shrink you!” Success! My little plan with the poison joke had been worth it after all! The plus side was that the ponies didn’t think I was possessed by the witch doctor any more. The down side was that now they were even more convinced it was a curse.
“Well, thanks for saying I’m not a minion. Though, now with my size, all I’d need is some yellow body paint and I could go to work for Gru.”
“You’re so weird. But at least today you’re cute weird.” The pegasus listed dangerously to the right and accelerated directly into an unyielding wall. The force of her collision was enough to shake leaves off the roof of the library.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I hollered at her. “You obviously can’t fly, so stop trying before you finally crash into something tougher than you!”
“It doesn’t work that way! There’s less stuff to crash into up here…” Watching the pegasus reminded me of the time my little sister got one of those indoor helicopters for Christmas. Let’s just say that on that day, she proved she was not a pilot. And the ceiling fan was never the same after that…
“Trust me, Mark, it’s better if she stays away from any hard surfaces. Including the ground.” Rarity explained. “Suffice to say that once we sort this out, I’ll need to reassemble the tiles in my walkway…”
“I think we’ll find a cure to this curse at Zecora’s place!” Rainbow Dash declared.
“It’s not a curse!” Twilight Sparkle stuck to her original theory, but after seeing the collection of Ripley’s Believe-It-Or-Not entrants gathered in her library, her conviction had begun to waver.
“I agree with Dash!” Apple Teeny piped up, “We’ll go to Zecora’s and force her to remove this hex!”
“It’s not a hex either!” With the frustration mounting, everypony began trying to talk over the others. The sounds of crashing, squeaking, droning, bouncing, spitting and warbling choked the air, rendering conversation useless.
In the midst of the chaos, nopony noticed when I accidentally locked eyes with Apple Bloom. She had been silent during this whole scene, poised between her own helplessness and the idea that she was somehow responsible for the whole mess. I maneuvered over to where she was standing and asked,
“Hey, are you ok?”
“This is all my fault!” The little filly bit her lip uncertainly.
“Objection!” Phoenix Wright mode: on. “Do you know why we’re like this?”
“Well… no?”
“Then how can it be your fault? The first step to solving this is to get every side of the story, but to do that, we need to meet Zecora. She might have an idea of what’s going on.” My slim shoulders shrugged. “And everypony is too scared to actually go talk to her!”
“You mean, talk to Zecora? Did your brain shrink too? Look what she did to y’all!” Apple Bloom objected. I shook my head, but the motion almost knocked me over,
“Call me crazy, but my impression of Zecora yesterday was that she was a healer, not a hexer. If she did curse us, then we need to know her reasons. If she didn’t, then she’ll most likely want to help.”
“But everypony says she-”
“Out of everypony in Ponyville, who’s actually spoken with her? Hm?”
“Good point…” Apple Bloom mused. “An’ if y’all were workin’ for Zecora, then why would she curse you too?”
“All we have to do is follow the river to find her house, but if this shouting keeps up, things are going to quickly get out of hoof!”
Yeah, my hints were far from subtle, but at least I said what needed to be said. My conversation ended abruptly when Apple Bloom and I dove out of the way of a kamikaze Rainbow Dash. By the time I got back up, the little filly had quietly snuck to the edge of the room and vanished out the front door. The only other pony to see her go was Applejack, who surreptitiously hijacked a ride in her little sister’s red tail.
“I don’t care what you say, Twilight. It’s time to pony up and confront Zecora! Come on, girls. Are you with me?” Rainbow Dash finally rose, metaphorically and literally, over the surrounding din.
“Ah ammpht!” Pinkie Pie conceded.
“And I as well.” The giant mop agreed.
“Uh… I don’t know. Seems awfully dangerous.” Fluttershy’s timid words rumbled. Spike found this amusing.
“How about you, Applejack? Applejack?” Rainbow Dash looked around for the little orange mare.
“Pthee’s gong!” Pinkie Pie gasped and almost choked herself on her tongue.
“Ah! Or somepony stepped on her!” Everypony instinctively checked the bottom of their shoes.
“… Or sat on her?” Twilight fretted. Immediately, all flanks were lifted and thoroughly checked. (Not by me, of course. I’m not into that.)
“Rarity’s hair!” Dash pointed towards the white unicorn’s shrubbery. Pinkie Pie dove into the thick of the unruly jungle like David Livingstone. That is, if Dr. Livingstone had four legs. And was Pink. And had a swollen spotted tongue.
“Oh? Oh! Pinkie, what are you doing? Ah, really. Augh!” Rarity protested. “You ever hear of personal space?”
“Nopthe!”
“Was that a negative on the search for Applejack, or a negative on personal space?” I clarified.
“Apple Bloom is gone too!” Twilight said. All eyes turned towards the gaping wide front door.
“I bet they went after Zecora.” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“Well, we better go find them. Come on girls, let’s go.” Twilight Sparkle turned her floppy horn towards the door and led the way onto the street. Rarity and Rainbow Dash did their best to follow, but the unicorn was almost hogtied by her own mane and the pegasus was caught upside-down on the ground like a turtle. Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and I did our best to help them and soon the entire menagerie was crashing, tripping, and tumbling out the front door.
“Uh… Spike? Are you coming?” Fluttershy looked back into the library. Far from being helpful, the little guy was hunched over a book with a quill pen, giggling to himself.
“Nope! Uh… gotta stay here and look for a cure.” It was a weak argument, but I didn’t press the issue. We were, after all, headed into a presumably cursed forest to confront a presumed vengeful shaman with a presumably malicious sense of humor. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to stay in the library, so I turned to follow Fluttershy.
“Ah! ‘Twilight Flopple’!”
“Baka!” I shouted back. “It’s obviously ‘Twilight Speckle’!” But I couldn’t tell if he heard me. In the next moment, I had to focus all my energy on keeping up with the ponies. Rainbow Dash was going everywhere but the right direction and Twilight and Pinkie Pie were already hot on Apple Bloom’s trail. Running to keep up with the gang was hard to do when my legs were about as long as my head was tall.
“Mark? Is everything all right?” Rarity glanced back just as I tripped and kissed the ground for the fourth time.
“Spike’s right. He is kind of cute to watch…” Fluttershy whispered as I got back up.
“Everything’s peachy.” I huffed, brushing gravel off of my cheeks.
“Well, why do you keep tripping? What’s wrong?”
“I have a big head, and little arms. And I’m just not sure how well this plan was thought through.”
“Well, then, it can’t be helped,” Rarity trotted up beside me, “Quickly, hop up on my back.”
“What?” I blinked, stunned.
“Is something the matter?” The white unicorn asked.
“No. It’s just, I never would have thought of asking that. I mean, I guess I just assumed that it would be disrespectful.” Actually, that was only half of the reason I hadn’t asked. In hindsight, I was surprised to find that the thought hadn’t even occurred to me, even with my convenient new size. For the first time since coming to Equestria, I had completely forgotten that my friends were ponies.
“Well, such propriety will just have to be overlooked today. This is a crisis, after all!” Rarity knelt down and beckoned towards her back.
“Well, that’s really thoughtful.” I swung a leg up, hoping that I wasn’t accidentally pulling or yanking on any stray hairs. “Here, let me get that.” I reached forward and drew back the unruly mane away from Rarity’s face.
“Ah! I can see!” She gasped. (I. Can. Fight!)
“Um… Does anypony know where Zecora actually lives?” Fluttershy wondered.
“Well, we should just try and find the trail she was using yesterday, right?” I feigned ignorance, deciding that Apple Bloom could use as much of a head start as she could get. “We should hurry.” Acting in a symbiotic relationship as Rarity’s scrunchie, we quickly caught up to Twilight and Pinkie and plunged into the heart of the Everfree Forest.
As far as I knew, this was only the third time the girls had braved the untamed wilds of the forest, but it was also the third time it was under less-than-pleasurable circumstances. As soon as we lost sight of the sky above, everypony became quiet and wary. Our eyes swept all around us as we left the safety of Ponyville behind and drew ever closer to the lair of the ‘evil enchantress’.
“Keep an eye out for Apple Jack.” I broke the silence. “We still don’t know where she is.”
“We still don’t know where anything is. This place is just ghastly.” Rarity sidestepped a slimy puddle.
“If only I had my magic,” Twilight Sparkle lamented, “I could track Apple Bloom and at least find out where she’s going.” The ponies had retraced their steps back to the patch of poison joke, but beyond that, they had no idea which way to turn. When they had last seen Zecora, she was ominously vanishing into the forest’s shadows. As far as they knew, she could be anywhere.
“Bait!” Pinkie Pie suddenly froze, causing Fluttershy to crash into her.
“Oh my… I’m so sorry…”
“What did she say?” I leaned over Rarity’s neck. “Bait? I’m gonna guess she’s not talking about worms.”
“Uh-uh, lithen!” The pink pony held a hoof to her ear.
“Sounds like Rainbow Dash crashed again.”
“An thee’s talkink tu thumpunie wiff a thquiikie boithe!”
“And she’s talking to somepony with a squeaky voice!” Fluttershy translated.
“Applejack!” Everyone shouted. The turned their hooves down a dirt path that led closer to the river. Apple Bloom may not have left very many hoofprints behind, but even a clue as small as leaving Applejack behind was enough to set us back on Zecora’s trail. No pun intended, Applejack.
“I don’t see anything.” Twilight said, slowing back down. “But I thought I heard them right here!”
“Huh…” I smiled to myself. We were standing on a swampy shore where the dirt path suddenly fell away into a tangled riverbank. Here, the trees seemed to bend their roots and even bow their branches down to gorge themselves on water. However, a few of the branches were unnaturally snapped off and there was a fresh crater in the dirt. Rainbow Crash had been here, all right, and I’d even go out on a limb and say she found Apple Teeny too… on a limb.
“Uh… Girls…” Soon, the thought of finding Applejack and Rainbow Dash was a secondary concern. Fluttershy pointed a shaky hoof upstream where a somber and twisted tree house squatted. From my perspective, it looked a lot like the Golden Oak Library, with the glowing windows and a door that led into the sanctuary of its roots, but to the ponies, it probably looked like some glinty-eyed troll, quietly interlocking its roots like expectant fingers.
Actually, Rarity was too busy looking down at herself,
“Oh… I look horrible!” The mud and twigs that the hem of her coat had collected was like a matted shell.
“Plis place plooks horrible!” Pinkie Pike forcibly turned Rarity’s head to view the house.
“Oh my… that place really does look horrible.”
“Quiet.” Twilight Sparkle whispered. She lowered her head and guided us right up to one of the larger windows. Once we were convinced that the house’s resident hadn’t spotted us yet, we all craned our necks and looked inside.
At first glance, the place was just about as wild inside as it was outside. Every surface was curvy and alien, as if the tree hadn’t been harmed at all during its construction. Strange clay and glass bottles hung from the ceiling and hundreds of boxes, books and artifacts lined the walls. (And was that leopard skin I saw on her bed?) The whole place was lit with an algae-green light coming from the mysterious cauldron set in the floor, and Zecora’s collection of masks would have been enough for the entire population of Termina.
“Nice decorations, if you like creepy.” Rarity muttered. Before anyone could reply, the house’s mysterious owner appeared from the far side of the room, a cup full of purple beads in her mouth. Unbeknownst to her, an audience of wide-eyed ponies watched her cross the room, add the cup of stuff to the cauldron and begin murmuring to herself in a foreign tongue.
“Sthe sthole my sthong! Shthe sthole mm mmm!” Pinkie Pie was also talking in a foreign tongue.
“She stole your song?” Rarity translated.
“Oh Pinkie. Doesn’t sound anything like your song.” Twilight sounded exasperated. The last thing she wanted was to hear more of that tuneless jingle, but Pinkie Pie would get her message out one way or another, despite her disability. The pink pony fell at Fluttershy’s hooves and looked up at her with eyes so big and pleading that even I would have succumbed properly. With a sigh, the duo began.
Ladies and gentleman, we interrupt this rescue mission to bring you a special musical number. We have the voice talent of Flutterguy, performing, for your pleasure, her rendition of ‘Evil Enchantress’, accompanied by the original artist, Pinkie Pie, who is performing the accompanying interpretive dance.
“You saw those terrible things.” Rarity tried to look at Twilight Sparkle, “Now do you believe us, Twilight?” The purple unicorn looked back inside uncertainly.
“Scary looking masks, confusing incantations, and a great big bubbling cauldron?” She groaned. “Everything is pointing to Zecora being… bad. Or, what if Zecora is just making soup?” Even as she said it, even as Twilight grasped for the last thread of hope, the last benefit of the doubt, it vanished. Zecora smiled to herself and said,
“Mmm. The perfect temperature for ponies, I presume.
Now, where is that little Apple Bloom?”
I could actually watch Twilight’s pupils shrink as she heard those words.
“Apple Bloom soup?” The librarian gasped. There were a few pregnant seconds of stunned silence as each pony looked at the others. And finally, all hell broke loose.
All the girls began screaming, I was bucked off Rarity’s back, and Rainbow Dash fell out of the sky and smashed right through Zecora’s front door. All the ponies followed, breaching the zebra’s home like an impromptu police raid. I didn’t feel like joining them.
I stood up and brushed myself off, unharmed from my fall, but strangely heavy in my chest. I finally had the answer to my ‘what if’ that had been plaguing me. I had finally seen, first-hand, how the ponies reacted to the revelation that someone was a carnivore. At the mere idea of Zecora eating meat, they had shown their response. Screams and panic. I couldn’t blame them, and yet I felt strangely disappointed.
I suppressed my inward groan of and crept for the busted door. The scene inside looked like someone had set cookie monster loose inside a witch’s gingerbread house. Rainbow Dash was flinging herself every which way while Applejack fought desperately to both guide the pegasus and not get thrown off in the process. Zecora’s shouts did nothing to stem the chaos as her house was demolished and her work was destroyed. She didn’t even notice the carnival of cursed ponies filling up her room until Twilight Sparkle demanded,
“What have you done with Apple Bloom?”
“No! No!” But the zebra wasn’t listening. Applejack leapt off her mount like a paratrooper abandoning her damaged aircraft and ferociously attacked Zecora’s ear. Fortunately, this did little more than draw a confused and concerned look from the lady. Without a pilot, however, the cyan pegasus continued smashing herself into everything and anything. There was only one object that hadn’t been struck yet. So she hit that next. Zecora’s mouth fell open in shock as her heavy cauldron was knocked completely out of its ember pit and its contents sloshed out onto the dirt floor.
“No! You know not what you do!
You’ve gone and spilled my precious brew!”
“We’re onto you Zecora.” The purple unicorn snorted defiantly. “I didn’t want to believe that you cursed us, but the evidence is overwhelming!”
“You made me look ridiculous!” Rarity wailed.
“You made me sound ridiculous!” Fluttershy rumbled.
“You ruined my horn!” Twilight stomped a hoof. Now, I would describe Zecora as a wise and peaceful soul, slow to anger and quick to aid those in need, but if those ponies thought for a moment that she was going to just roll over and take this abuse, then they had another thing coming. When she had reason to be, the zebra was as wild as a forest fire and as feisty as a badger. Zecora pawed a hoof and her eyes flashed.
“How dare you! You destroy my home, destroy my work!
Then rudely accuse me of being a jerk?”
“You put this curse on us, not you’re gonna uncurse us!” Beaten and bruised, Rainbow Dash had more fight in her than ever. However, Zecora lowered her voice and even the shadows seemed to grow darker at her words,
“It is unwise to venture down this road.
Your actions will make my anger explode.”
“Where is Apple Bloom!?” Before I could stop them, Twilight Sparkle stepped forward to confront Zecora and both of them locked heads, pushing one against the other as they glowered mere inches from each other’s face.
“Zecora! I think I found all the things ya asked- Oh, hi, Mark. What are y’all doin’ here?”
“Oh, hey, Apple Bloom.” I stepped away from my post in the doorway to let the little filly get past. She took one look in the scrambled house and asked,
“What in Ponyville is goin’ on here?”
“Apple Bloom! You’re okay!” Applejack squeaked.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Her little sister looked around uncertainly. Twilight, still in battle mode, leapt between the filly and the zebra.
“Because Zecora is an evil enchantress who cursed us and was gonna cook you up into soup!” The limp unicorn explained. Apple Bloom and Zecora glanced at each other and burst into laughter. The bowstring-like tension in the air seemed to evaporate in an instant, leaving everypony else feeling off balance. Apple Bloom giggled,
“Oh, Twilight. Did those silly fillies finally get in yer head? You know there’s no such thing as a curse.”
“Well, you have to admit, Pinkie’s song is kind of catchy.” I walked alongside the filly as she made her way into the house. “Though, once again, Sim Gretina has the best version. What do you have in your bags, Apple Bloom?”
“Lemon clover. There’s a big ol’ patch of it just down the hill.”
“Apple Bloom, sweetie, you can’t just stand there and tell me this isn’t a curse.” Twilight Sparkle fought to get the conversation back on track, but the red-headed filly simply tossed her head and declared,
“This isn’t a curse.” I think she enjoyed that too much.
“If you will remember back,
The words I spoke were quite exact.” Zecora explained.
“It was a warnin’.” Apple Bloom said, “About that blue plant. It’s called Poison Joke.”
“That plant is much like poison oak,
But its results are like a joke.”
“What in the hay does that mean?” Applejack quipped, still holding firm onto Zecora’s ear.
“It means this plant does not breed wrath.
Instead, this plant just wants a laugh.” The little country mare grit her teeth together and squealed,
“Will somepony please talk normal?”
“I think what she’s saying is that when we ran in to save Apple Bloom, we ran into the poison joke. All out problems are just little jokes that played on us.” Twilight Sparkle was putting the pieces together.
“Little jokes? Very funny…” A. T. was not amused.
“Ok, fine. But what about the cauldron?” Rainbow Dash struggled to stay upright on her hooves.
“And the chanting?” Fluttershy clarified.
“And the creepy décor?” Even Rarity was rather culturally insensitive. Then again, not everypony can grow up in the melting pot of the U. S. like me.
With her earlier anger a distant memory, Zecora patiently explained everything. Her native tongue, of course, was alien to the ponies, but completely benign. Her jars were full of medicine, not hexes. Even her masks were simple memories of times long gone, even if a few of them looked like they were forged by the Song of Healing.
“But the cauldron…” Twilight pressed, “The Apple Bloom soup?”
“Looky here, Twilight, that pot of water wasn’t for me.” The filly gestured at the little bags on her back. “It was for all these herbal ingredients. The cure for poison joke is a simple old-natural remedy. You just gotta take a bubble bath!” The purple unicorn, however, was a very analytical mare; she didn’t jump to conclusions quickly, but when she believed something, it took a lot of work to convince her otherwise,
“But I tried to find a cure in all my books and couldn’t find anything. What book has this natural remedy?”
“Here, I have the book, you see?
Sad that you lack it in your library.” Zecora walked over to an overturned table and picked up a large green-bound book. Upon seeing the cover, Twilight Sparkle deflated in embarrassment.
“Actually, I do have this book, but I didn’t look inside because the title was so… Weird.” She hastily knocked open the cover and scrutinized the title page, “Supernaturals: Natural Remedies and Cure-alls That Are Simply Super.”
“Wow. You’d think the editor would have said something to the author.” I mused. “Like, ‘hey, your title is misleading and everyone who buys it thinks they’re getting a story about a couple demon-hunting brothers who drive a 67 Impala’.” I shouldn’t have said anything, though. My helium voice almost broke the tender mood.
“I… I… I’m so sorry, Zecora.” Twilight hung her head in sorrow. “I had the answer the whole time, if only I had bothered to look inside…” Zecora merely smiled and put a hoof on the mare’s shoulder,
“Maybe next time you’ll take a second look,
And not judge by the cover of the book.”
“Zecora?” Twilight looked up, “I’m sorry for the way we acted, and we’ll help replace what we broke. Would you be kind enough to mix up another batch of the herbal bath?”
“Mix it up, I certainly will,
Yet I am missing an herb from Ponyville.”
“But whenever Zecora comes to town, all the shops are mysteriously closed.” Apple Bloom explained.
“What’s the herb you’re looking for?” I wondered.
“A wispy herb, called ‘little weiss’,
It grows near mountain fields of ice.
Canterlot harvests are sometimes sent down,
So I thought I could find some sold in town.” I glanced over at Twilight, who nodded back.
“Oh, well… I think we can help you with that.”
The journey back into town was decidedly uneventful, but as soon as our twisted menagerie set hoof in Ponyville, the sleepy little town was thrown into an uproar. Just like Rainbow Dash, everypony’s first thought was that Zecora had somehow cursed and then controlled us, so it wasn’t surprising to see the streets suddenly vacated, doors locked and welcome mats rescinded. Fortunately, with a little convincing from Twilight Sparkle, the townsponies were slowly drawn out of their shell.
Soon, all the ingredients were gathered. Twilight paid for the herbs and Rarity reserved the spa’s largest hot water bath. Zecora wasted no time carefully and deliberately measuring out all the ingredients needed to wash away the poison joke’s effects. Some purple salts, lemon clover juice, and steeped little weiss leaves. I quietly watched the zebra work. Her methodical science was like a blend of witchcraft and chemistry. So much so, that I couldn’t tell where one stopped and the other began. In no time, the remedy was ready.
And, cue letter to Princess Celestia.
“Oh, simply amazing…” Rarity burbled as her coat returned to its regular, glossy self.
“Finally…” Twilight Sparkle plunged her head underwater and when she came up, her horn was standing proud and straight once more.
“Cabbonball!!” Pinkie Pie shouted as she threw herself wholly into the hot water. She was so happy to have her tongue back to its regular size, that not even the water could flatten her bouncy mane.
“My turn!” I ran to the edge of the tub, tripped, and plunged into the brew. Immediately, I could feel a sensation, like being tickled all over at once, and then it was gone. When I came gasping back to the surface, I was back to my proper height and dimensions.
“How do you feel, Mark?” Twilight asked.
“Trainers hate me! I gained one hundred pounds of pure muscle in three seconds! Click here to find out how!” I sighed and leaned back on the edge of the bath. “I feel great. How about you?”
“I feel like I need to write a letter to the princess.” She explained.
“Like, never judge a book by its cover?”
“Figuratively and literally.” Twilight laughed.
“Applejack! Hey, where’s Applejack!?” Apple Bloom suddenly cried out. There was another frantic search of everyone’s hooves and flanks before the orange earth pony called out,
“I’m right here, little sis. I ain’t tiny no more!” She was smiling from the comfort of her own private bucket. Previously filled with the purifying potion, the little tub now looked like it was stuck on Applejack’s flank, but she seemed too relieved to mind. Too relieved, even, to be angry at Apple Bloom for abandoning her back in the forest.
“Oh! I have never felt so lovely in all my life!” Rarity breathed. Pinkie Pie agreed, but in her own way. Like a bottle of champagne that suddenly lost its cork,
“Ohmygosh! Ineverrealizedhowhorribleitisnottobeabletotalk. Imean,IlovetalkingsomuchandwhenIcouldn’ttalkanymore,mytonguewasall ‘ehhhh’! Itwastheworst! Don’tyouagree,Fluttershy?”
The little yellow pegasus just nodded politely and said,
“… Yes.” Everypony laughed with relief for an episode well-done.
“Whelp! I’m hungry. Who else is hungry? Where should we go to stop being hungry?” I hauled myself up out of the water, my wet pajamas sticking to me like spandex.
“You’re always hungry, Mark.” Rainbow Dash huffed.
“Yeah, but now that my stomach’s bigger than a grape, I just feel empty inside.” I explained.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to stay for a little longer? You must learn to relax.” Lotus Blossom, one of the spa’s owners, appeared at my elbow, offering a clean fresh towel.
“Oh, thank you.” I began drying myself off, but winced as I brushed over my old burn scars. Apparently, those still hadn’t healed. I glanced back at Applejack and Pinkie Pie. They were smiling, but I wondered how their own burns were doing.
“Pardon me, Mark, but before this day is thorough,
I want you to know, I prepared this for you.”
“Zecora?” I turned around to see the zebra holding out a small glass vial with red jelly in it. “What is this?”
“Your faith in me deserves a good turn,
Here is the cure to your dragon burn.
I never thought this day would come around,
But friendship in Ponyville I’ve finally found.”
“It was nothing.” I explained. “I’m just sorry that it took something as dramatic as poison joke to finally bring this whole thing to a resolution. This should have all been simpler and for that, I’m sorry for what happened.”
“Life sometimes works like a mystery,
These are not the strangest events to have happened to me.” Zecora laughed as much to herself as to me. I replied,
“Well, I hope to see you around more often after this.
Your company, I will surely miss.” I didn’t even realize I was rhyming again.
“My work makes it safer for me to be alone,
Thus, it’s better for me to be on my own.
But when your path draws you nigh,
Do not hesitate to stop on by.”
“I’ll remember that, thank you.” I took the little red vial and looked at it critically. “You said this was a cure for burns?”
“Just spread a little on your skin
To let the healing process begin.” To demonstrate, Zecora popped off the stopper, dipped her hoof in the viscous material and wiped it over my arm. I looked closely at the red marks on my skin. Every place the gel touched felt icy cold and tender as if wind was blowing right through my blood. Before my eyes, the damaged marks peeled off my arm like dry leaves and drifted to the ground. Within minutes, you'd never be able to tell that I had been burned.
“What the what? Zecora, this is amazing!” I looked up, but the mysterious zebra had already stepped away and was talking with Lotus Blossom. I looked down at the potion clutched in my hand, my fingers shivering with excitement.
This was new. This was a miracle. This was my answer. This… was literally magic in a bottle.
In that moment, I didn’t care what Twilight Sparkle said, there was no scientific reason behind any of the events that had transpired that day. There was no such thing as a chemical that could tell a joke like that blue-leafed plant in the forest. There was no compound that could make my clothes shrink and grow along with me like Alice in Wonderland. There was no way my cells could physically heal as quickly as they just had. Curses were real. Potions were real. And both were magic.
I had barely thought about Twilight and her vitagraph since yesterday’s frustration, but now that ‘Bridle Gossip’ was over, it was all I could think about. My struggles with that magic-o'-meter no longer had the same depressing effect on me as they did yesterday. Now, there was a little bit of good news to pierce the bad. Nothing would keep me from studying magic, that was for sure. It was fascinating, it was a privilege, and it was vital to living in Equestria, but even if I could never use it like a unicorn, at least now there was hope for a creature like me. Just like how Rock Lee didn’t have ninjuitsu, but could still be a splendid ninja. Even if I didn’t have a horn, if I had potions, perhaps I could still become a splendid magician. This was worth looking into.
Stats
Page generated in 0.135 seconds
Total duration
947 users online
1,519,145 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
nice chapter.
lessons learned the hard way.
YOU MAD GENIUS.
"Rarity’s voice came from the direction of the front door, but when I looked over, all I saw was Fluttershy and cousin It."
HAH!! It's true! I can't belive i didn't Think about that, Rarity SO totally is Cousin It from the Addams family!! Brilliant!!
6377728 Oh, man! I'm so glad someone got that reference otherwise I'd just feel old. Come to think of it, is "cousin" capitalized?...
6377814 You are as old as you feel, but let's be honest, i doubt that less than 20% of everybody that's 15 years old now knows what The addams family is, *Sigh* How time flies.
I have no clue, i didn't even Think of it to be honest. I myself have a hard time figuring out what Words that needs to be capitalized.
I hadn't realized this story got updated. I had it favorited but not on tracking. Imagine my pleasant surprise to find several new chapters. Its always nice to see Zecora make an appearance. I wish she got more screentime in the actual show. Hmmm, Mark becoming a skilled alchemist, this sounds like an idea with merit.
Lol meet the robinsons quote
The way the episode was done in this chapter had me busting my gut!
Mark being Mark thing seems to be catching on thanks to his random references and inside jokes. Maybe he can drop subtle hints about the future now without being questioned.
when you can't do magic in a world of magic you can always rely on some good old fashion alchemy.
Oh and rhyming was spot on
Hah, great Yzma reference!
Chibi Mark.
Ok.
media.tenor.com/cJRcMyUAiMcAAAAC/ah-shit-here-we-go-again-ah-shit.gif