Equestria's Mark

by MasterZadok

Ch 3: Click it or Ticket

Chapter 3
Click It or Ticket

That night, I slept snug as a bug in a rug on a lump on a log under a rock. The bed was almost too short for me, but I didn’t mind. I was sleeping for the first time in I don’t know how long. Nightmare Moon kind of messed up everypony’s idea of night and day, but that didn’t matter at that moment. I was warm and safe. Until I started dreaming.

Like most dreams, it started out with me believing I wasn’t dreaming. Perhaps it was the smell of the Golden Oak Library as I drifted off into lala land, but I could have sworn that I was there, awake and walking around the library. Of course, being a dream, the walls were breathing and the books were endlessly shuffling themselves like playing cards, but I didn’t notice. After all, that’s what Twilight did all day anyways.

It wasn’t long before a table grew up out of the floor like play-dough and a breakfast full of bacon and hamburgers and turkey mysteriously spread over it. I could have guessed I was dreaming at this point, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I quickly sat down and pulled a ham-stuffed pizza towards me.

“You call this a cinnamon roll? More like a cinnamon walk!” Spike, dressed as Chef Ramsay walked up with a rotisserie rabbit on a platter. The rabbit promptly looked up and told me to do a barrel roll.

“’Morning, Spike!” I said through a mouthful of bacon strips. “Where’s Twilight?”

“Hopefully, jumping off a cliff like its protagonist.” The salty chef snapped.

“No, I mean Twilight Sparkle.”

“Where else would she be?”

“What?” A KFC burrito froze halfway to my mouth.

“She’s out doing princess-y stuff.”

“But she can’t do that because she’s,” I felt the food turn to sawdust in my mouth, “not a princess, yet.” Behind me, the sky turned orange and the room was filled with apprehensive, fiery light. “This is a dream…” My heart began beating faster.

“Now you’re catching on.” Spike pointed at a window with his claw. My eyes nervously followed the gesture, but as is the way with dreams, I already knew what I was going to see. Because it was all I could think about.

“This isn’t a good dream…”

As the window expanded and my vision filled with the outside landscape, I saw the distant mountains surrounding Ponyville shimmering in the light of a fiery sunrise. But the evanescent voice of Obi-wan Kenobi quickly pointed out,

“That’s no sun.”

It was Tirek. Before I could turn away, before I could warn Spike Ramsay to get out of the library, there was a roar that shook the mountains. The landscape melted like oil in a puddle and the distant orange inferno sped towards me like an arrow. I could feel the flames of the monster’s stolen magic licking at my skin. The walls of the library splintered, casting glass into my eyes and riddling my face and limbs with countless shards of wood. I could practically taste the splinters as they filled my mouth and slid up under my gums. Then I woke up. Or tried to.

“Gah? Waah!” In an instant, my brain, revving at full-speed, connected with my body, which was still parked. The result was not unlike popping the clutch in a manual transmission car. With blankets still clinging to me like oversized spider webs, I leapt off my bed and crumbled onto the floor of the library.

“Fascinating…” Twilight Sparkle’s face was already nose-to-nose with mine.

I quickly realized that the warmth that I felt around me was the blanket, not Tirek’s inferno. The orange light filling my vision was the morning sun shining through the windows. The shards of wood I felt imbedded in my face were,

“What is this!?” I yanked a ruler out from between my lips. “How did this get here!?”

“I was measuring your teeth.” Twilight’s horn began to glow and I could feel the small piece of wood try and force its way back into my mouth.

“What the heck for!?” I pushed it away with both hands.

“We must document everything!”

“Forget it!” I was still half-asleep.

“Well, then can I at least get a saliva sample?” The unicorn lifted a small glass vial. “You didn’t drool last night like you promised.”

“Eww…” My eyes drifted from the tiny container to the mare. Her mane was unkempt and her eyes had dark circles under them. “You were trying to take measurements while I was sleeping?”

“Of course. I couldn’t wait until you were awake.”

“What’s all this about?” I finally blinked and looked around the room. The library looked like an F-5 tornado had blown through it. Every flat surface (excluding the bookshelves themselves) was littered with papers and manuscripts and sketches and notes. Looking down from Twilight’s bedroom, I could see at least three separate study circles, like roc’s nests made entirely of books, filling the library floor.

“I spent all last night looking through zoology guides, field manuals, historic compendiums and even unverified legends!” Twilight Sparkle’s eyes seemed just a little too large.

“So?”

“So! I didn’t find anything about humans!” She grinned as if this was a good thing. The expression scared me. “You’re completely undocumented!”

“… Oh…” My eyes slid around the room again. Sure enough, most of the sketches were of hands, feet, and faces. They were definitely trying to portrey me, albeit crudely. “And you’ve taken it upon yourself to be the first to make records of a human.”

I should have seen this coming.

“Hey Twilight! Good morning, Mark!” Spike appeared at the base of the stairway, kicking some papers out of his way. “Breakfast is ready!”

“Thanks, Spike. And good morning to you, too.” I tried to casually shift further from the overly enthusiastic purple unicorn, but to no avail. Her eyes followed my every twitch.

“I hope you like oatmeal. Hey, Twilight? You should take a break, too.”

“In a minute.” The mare dismissed.

“Alright… Hey, and what do you want me to do with this?” The little dragon picked up a sheet of paper large enough to sail a boat with. On it was what looked like a map of Italy.

“Send all those sketches of the subject to Canterlot, please.” Twilight still didn’t look away.

“Sketches of the subject? Me!?” I looked at the paper again. Sure enough, it had a head and arms and legs, but it could barely be called human. It looked like a gingerbread man that had lost a game of ‘chicken’ with a steam roller. “Wait!”

Spike took a deep breath and before I could stop him, he let loose with a radiant display of verdant flames. A corner of the paper caught the magic fire and the entire sheet lifted into the air, rapidly disintegrating into ash. My outstretched fingers passed harmlessly through the last vanishing embers.

“… Wishes to keep sketches of himself private…” Twilight Sparkle’s horn began glowing and a pen and paper leapt to her command, scribbling down a hasty note. “Possible ulterior motive…”

“It’s not that!” I spun around to face her. “I just don’t want you sending inaccurate portrayals of me! Spike! Take a letter! ‘Dear Princess Celestia, I do not really look like Gumby after a close encounter with a heat lamp’! Signed, An Actual Human!”

“Inaccurate?” The young student blinked in shock. “I drew that outline of you myself! It’s perfectly anatomically correct!”

“Maybe if I was an amoeba!” I countered. A thread of static writhed in the air between Twilight and I as we both stared defiantly at each other.

“Um… Do you still want me to take that letter?” Spike fiddled with his claws as he looked from Twilight to me and back again.

“No... I was joking, but thank you anyway.” I sighed and turned away from Twilight. As I walked down the wooden steps to the library’s main floor, I said,

“I’m sorry for my reaction, Twilight. It’s understandable that you’d be excited about my arrival. You’re like a biologist who’s just discovered the Galapagos Islands, or a physicist turning on the Large Hadron Collider for the first time, or that guy who invented penicillin after his sandwich got moldy. Adorkable. I can’t blame you for being excited about your discovery, but please tell me you got some sleep last night.”

“Of course I slept last night.”

“Ah, good…”

“I put a ward around your bed to wake me if you tried to sneak off.”

“That’s only a little completely creepy.” I muttered. “Perhaps that explains my nightmares about magic.”

“But I had nothing to worry about. You sleep pretty soundly. And I was far too excited to sleep in for too long.”

“I would have slept longer if you didn’t shove a measuring stick up my pie hole.”

“Actually, you should be glad that woke you up.” Spike whispered. “Next, she was going to move onto snot samples.”

As Spike had said, breakfast was a big pot of boiled oatmeal. We each took a bowl for ourselves and sat down at a low table, half-covered in books. The gnawing abyss inside me would have been satisfied with even the plain mush, but fortunately, there was cream and sugar available. (I just had to move an encyclopedia to find it.) We all ate in silence for a moment. And by ‘we’ I mean Spike and I. Twilight Sparkle didn’t seem hungry.

“Good morning, by the way, Spike.” For lack of a spoon, I sipped my oatmeal straight from the bowl. “How did you sleep?”

“Meh, fine I guess. Twilight got me up pretty early, though.”

“Well, science waits for nopony.”

“Well, the sooner we find out what you are-” Twilight Sparkle spoke up.

“The sooner you can let Spike take a nap.”

“Hey! I like that idea.” The little dragon grinned.

“No, what I mean is that your arrival means-” She tried again.

“That I need to upgrade my passport?”

“No! You don’t understand the implications of-” Now she was getting flustered.

“I’ve had all my shots, if that’s any concern.”

“Would you listen to me? This is important to the whole scientific community!”

“-Said the talking purple unicorn.”

“Hey!-”

“-Is for horses.”

“This is serious, Mark! I spent hours last night going through every field journal and compendium I could lay my hooves on and you’re not in any of them!”

“Big surprise.”

“So! That means that you might be the only human in Equestria!”

“Small surprise.”

“I have to know what you are! Where you come from! How you got here! Are you immortal and there's only one of you? Are you a new life form? Have you been tucked away in some undiscovered corner of Equestria? Those answers might change everything we know about the world!”

“Is that so? You’re not very dramatic in the morning.” I sipped my oatmeal.

“I haven’t seen her like this since she discovered Blue Flame’s stable aura feedback loop.” Spike played with his bowl absently.

“Well, then, how about this for drama?” I steepled my fingers. “You might be right, the fate of the world may rest on my unexplained presence here. It’s a secret to everyone why and how I sit where I am today. Perhaps I’m a mistake, perhaps I’m meant to be here. And I can’t explain all the forces that brought me to this point. But here’s one thing that you can bet your tail on…” Twilight Sparkle leaned forward with wide eyes. “… The fate of the universe can wait until after breakfast.”

“Gah!” Twilight tried to drop her head onto the table, but her food was in the way. With a splat, her bowl flipped onto her face and covered her in lumpy breakfast mush. She groaned and began trying to wipe off the mess with a handkerchief.

I groaned too, inwardly. I hadn’t really woken up on the right side of the bed, but that was no excuse for me to be a jerk to my host. Sure she tried to experiment on me without my consent and yes, she still hadn’t apologized for it, but she was just excited. Studying new things was her passion and, as far as social etiquette, she still had the most character development to undergo then any of the other main 6. I softened my tone and asked,

“What do you have so far?”

“What?”

“I’m flattered that you’re interested in me. Humans aren’t very unusual where I’m from, so I’m curious as to what’s going through your head right now.”

“You mean that?”

A cautious nod.

Her face lit up like a firework.

“Well, I started with trying to identify your species, but when that didn’t work, I had to resort to my own deductions! Which, by the way, was very difficult to conduct comprehensively since you’re about the mist chimera-ish creature yet discovered!” Twilight Sparkle’s smile blossomed like a flower as she pointed out the various books around the room. “You have the spine and carpals of a minotaur, but that’s the only similarity I could find aside from various examples from the ape family. Your hide, facial features and especially your lack of hooves are especially intriguing. It’s like you’re missing a joint in your hind legs.”

“It’s skin, not hide. Makes me look like a bald pink jelly bag, I imagine. And as for my missing leg joint, it’s still there.” I wiggled my ankles. “It’s just used as an extension of the foot to create a wider base to stand on. It helps us humans balance and gives our walking motion a very soft and gliding feel.”

“Fascinating.”

“I took biology in college, so I could probably answer any questions you have on human physiology.”

“A student?” Twilight and Spike asked at the same time. The pony’s face was a smile while the dragon’s wore an expression of ‘oh, great! Another egghead…’.

“Never finished that degree, though.” I hid my face behind my bowl.

“That’s wonderful!”

“So, what do you want to know?” A part of me was really trying to be nice to Twilight, she was so cute when she was excited, but the more secretive part of me was also manipulating this conversation into my favor. I figured that the best way to keep from interfering with the show’s story line too much was to prove that humans were very boring and of no consequence. I’d let Twilight have her fun now, but avoid any hard questions. Like,

“Where do you come from?” I nearly choked on my oatmeal, but I recovered quickly.

“Last I knew, I was in Oregon. You’ve probably never heard of it.” Hipster mode: on. “It’s a quiet state a couple continents away from here.” And a hop, skip and a jump across a sea of stars.

“You got lost?”

“That’d be an understatement. I don’t even think the CIA could find me here. Or even Hubble for that matter.”

“And there are more of you?”

“Enough.” Billions.

“You’re a mammal, right?”

“Yes.”

“Spike! I guessed it!” Twilight cheered.

“Whoopee…” The dragon pushed himself away from the table and began cleaning up the dishes.

“And why do you always walk on two legs?” The unicorn continued.

“Because it’s cool.” I shrugged, but I think Twilight wrote down my answer anyway.

“Why does your hair only grow on your head?”

“Why does yours?”

“Touché.” The unicorn frowned. “And is that unique to your head?”

“Well, males grow hair on their chin for no apparent reason, and we also have hair under our arms.”

“Anywhere else?”

“Not that I can tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m determined to keep this relation TV-Y.” I folded my arms decidedly.

“What?”

“What?”

“Moving on.” Twilight flipped over another sheet of paper. “I’m curious about your ability to masticate…”

“Oh, God! I wasn’t doing that in my sleep, was I?”

“Huh?” The mare’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“…Oh, you said ‘masticate’. I just thought… because we were just talking about… Forget it.”

“I was going to ask what you eat. Your muzzle-”

“-Mouth.”

“-is very small. So small, that your nasal organ protrudes beyond it. Not only is this puzzling, but I’ve identified at least one type of odd transitional tooth in your jaws besides the typical well-developed incisors and molars seen in equines. Your canines seem very well built-up relative to us.”

Moment of truth. (Or lies.)

“Oh, those are for cutting tougher stuff than the incisors can handle.” Meat.

“Such as?”

“Um… I don’t know… tough-skinned fruits like mangoes and oranges…” Tendons. “And they help break down hard stuff like carrots…” Muscle.

“Oh! You eat roots, then?”

“Yes! Roots! Like potatoes and things…” And flesh.

“Mark, potatoes are tubers.”

“…I knew that.”

The next couple hours ticked by and Twilight Sparkle and I barely moved from our seats. She was a veritable fountain of questions, asking anything and everything that crossed her mind. At times, she tried to keep to a theme, such as physiology and exercise, but other times, it was obvious that her curiosity was simply running amok. Not to sound egocentric, but I’m glad we spent most of our time talking about me. Specifically, things like metabolism, various potential illnesses, and what to do in case of injury, as opposed to hard questions about Earth, politics, and human society.

“Whew…” I sighed to myself as I pulled away from the conversation to use the bathroom. After stuffing a towel along the base of the door to dissuade any purple prying eyes, I gave myself a small victory smile in the mirror. I had successfully avoided talking about the fact that I would need to find some source of protein sooner or later, danced around the issue that I was living evidence of a parallel world, and had hidden all (well, most) evidence that I was a freakin’ brony and already knew who Twilight Sparkle was and all the trials she was bound to go through.

Just like how ‘religion and politics’ are two things to avoid talking about at parties, “complete-disregard-for-the-laws-of-time-and-space and the-fact-that-I’m-walking-through-a-fictional-world” were topics I needed to avoid here. Even if those are the only issues that really matter. This was the first time I had cared enough to ask,

“How did I get here anyways?” Could I blame Discord? No, his power was still sealed in rock. Did I fall through a glitch in the multiverse? Perhaps, but how could I test that? Was I actually trapped in my own insane mind and tied up in a padded room back on Earth? Well, if that was the case, then at least I wouldn’t have to worry about living in my parent’s house any longer. There were worse fates than falling into an eternal dream about ponies.

The air grew heavier and a distant harmonic noise reached my ears. I looked behind me to see the towel being gently pushed aside by a pink glow.

“Are you done in there?”

“Not cool, Twilight! Not cool!” I shoved the towel back with my foot. “Didn’t they teach you anything about respect for other’s privacy back in Canterlot?”

“If you’re done, don’t flush! I want a sample.”

*Flush!*

“Perhaps next time!”

“Tell you what,” I opened the wooden door and looked down at the unicorn, her head still stuck to the floor; “You can take a urine sample when Steve Magnet gets a second episode.”

“Who?”

“Exactly.”

“But these are important things to document! We need to quantify what nutrients you pass! You don’t want to get malnourished because you’re in a different culture eating new foods, do you?”

I hated to admit it, but she was right. This world didn’t have dietary supplements for omnivores. Perhaps I could just live off beans and rice for the next eternity. Goodbye buffalo wings…

“Ready for your x-ray?” Twilight pranced in front of me and looked up with an adorkable smile. I groaned, but I couldn’t resist,

“Fine…”

“It’s not that bad!” Spike piped up. “She did a couple for my baby book. Wanna see?” The dragon revealed a thick binder and held it out to me like a child showcasing his refrigerator art. He opened the book to show a series of green scales taped to the paper. Besides the scales were notes and numbers that I couldn’t read.

“See? This was when I was a day old. This one’s a week old. Month, year. Here’s the x-rays.” I saw the white bones of a splayed lizard on a black background. I don’t think he was wincing, but I couldn’t tell.

“Spike? I don’t know how to tell you this, but your baby book looks more like a dissertation on The Live and Development of Draconia, Terrarius.” It even had sketches of him chewing on rocks and sleeping in the bathtub.

“Hold still!” I glanced up just in time to see Twilight levitate a black piece of paper in front of her horn. Before I could react, the unicorn’s magic flashed and a radiant purple aura pierced the paper, soaking me with violet rays.

“Ow!” I yelped, blinking as my pupils expanded and shrunk with a will of their own. “You can’t just do that!”

“Hmm… What do you think?” Twilight held the paper up to a window. Still rubbing my eyes, I watched as an image of my bones manifested on the film. Oh, and Spike was there, too.

“I dunno. Jack Skellington and his mini-me…”

“Let’s do another one!” The unicorn grinned.

“Gah! No! Wait! I need something to protect my knickers!”

*Flash!*

“Watch it!”

*Flash!*

“Aww, come on!”

*Flash!*

I don’t know how this looked from outside the library, probably like a black light disco party. Come to think of it, I don’t know what this looked like inside the library, either. My eyes were flashing light and dark faster than a Japanese Porygon. All I knew was that I had a metal pan clutched to my groin and I was running.

“This is good!” Twilight said, “I need to see those feet in action!” My pleas for the unicorn to spare my future children fell on deaf ears. When the flashes stopped, I found myself collapsed in a pile of books, staring up at the ceiling, praying for the world to stop spinning so I could get off.

“These will do for now…” Twilight levitated a phone book’s-worth of black photos into a neat stack and tapped them even.

“Huehue…” Spike giggled at me and pointed. When I finally looked down at my body, I could still see my skeleton glowing through my skin. I slammed my head back on my bed of books in frustration. There must have been enough radiation coursing through me to set off every Pip-Boy in a 1000-mile radius.

“I don’t know what you were going on about, though.” Twilight muttered. “This spell only resonates carbon deposits. You don’t need any special protection.”

“What? Now you tell me?” My teeth ground together like flint and my rapid gasps became growls of frustration. I pulled myself to my feet and marched towards the door.

“Where are you go-”

“Out!”

“Why?”

“It’s called fresh air. You should try it sometime.” I needed a break, and a moment to clear my head.

“Actually, with her study habits, she needs to take vitamin D supplements.” Spike giggled. A shimmering aura plucked him up off his claws and dropped him onto the unicorn’s back. She glanced around the room, grabbing her saddlebags and whatever blank pieces of paper remained lying about.

“Then I’m coming too!”

I didn’t object, I simply marched out into the free air. Perhaps I could catch a break from Twilight’s experiments, if not from the mare herself. She could only carry so many probes and nefarious instruments with her at one time, right?

Right?

The streets were sunny and full of colorful ponies. They didn’t stare at me quite the same way as yesterday, but then again, I wasn’t running and I had a pony escorting me. I passed a couple houses before returning to the gazebo in the center of town. It was still in ruins from when Nightmare Moon popped out of it like a cloudy jack-in-the-box, but most of the debris had already been collected into piles.

I pretended to know where I was going, but really I was just trying to enjoy the town while keeping Twilight’s questions to a minimum. To her credit, she stayed pretty quiet on her own, but that’s because she had her muzzle glued to the ground, watching my feet as they soundlessly drifted over the streets.

“Interesting.” She muttered. “Mark, do your feet hurt at all?”

“Now that I think about it, yeah.”

“You don’t wear shoes?”

“Actually, I do. Or, I should, but I don’t have them with me.” I glanced down at my pale toes. I was surprised at how quickly they were growing protective calluses, but the callouses were hopelessly outnumbered by the blisters and cuts. Even if I wasn’t the one wearing them, my feet hurt just to look at. I had been walking around Equestria barefoot and I rarely even walked around my own house barefoot back on Earth. I could feel every grain of dirt beneath me.

“I wonder if Rarity would have any ideas.” Twilight mused. “Any way to protect your feet.”

“Well, I can’t wear horseshoes, because I don’t have a hoof.”

“No, you have five mini-hooves.”

“… Very observant. Anyway, shoes for humans are… Hmm… How to explain? Like really really durable socks with a stiff, form-fitted sole running the whole length.”

“I’m having a hard time imagining that. Could you draw a picture?”

“Drawing’s one of the few things I’m good at.”

“Then here! Take this pen and… um… hold on…” Twilight Sparkle fished in her bags for a blank piece o paper. Then another. Then another, only to find that she had filled all of them with pictures of feet. “Um…” She espied a nearby newspaper stand and galloped up to it. She quickly tossed a small coin at the vendor and plucked a paper off the pile. The pony didn’t say anything as he watched the unicorn dashed back towards me.

“Here! Draw on this!” She gestured towards a blank space.

“A newspaper?”

“It’s all I could find.” She sheepishly admitted.

I obediently took the grey parchment and the hovering pen, but I didn’t write anything. Something on the newspaper caught my attention. The front page was covered with a large picture of the two most important ponies in Equestria. Celestia stood smiling on a wide stone balcony with her wings spread protectively over her little sister Luna. Flowers and ribbons were frozen in the air all around them and a crowd of ponies spread filled the streets of the city below.

“What’s this?” I gestured at the picture.

“Hm?” Twilight craned her neck to see. “Oh, that’s Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”

“But what does it say about them?”

“You can’t read it?”

“It’s Greek to me. Could you please tell me what it says?”

“Facinating…” She took the paper and read the entire article at a glance, “It says,

‘Nightmare Moon Vanquished

Princess Celestia Returns to Canterlot with Rescued Sister, Princess Luna

Canterlot rejoices in the safe return of the Princess of the Dawn and the Mistress of the Evening after a tense epidemic of darkness caused by the nefarious Nightmare Moon. Princess Celestia has declared a day of celebration in honor of her sister, who…’”

Twilight Sparkle read on while I stood by, a frown growing heavier and heavier on my jaw. The article spoke of the celebration, the return of Luna to her princess duties, even a brief paragraph of how the calendar makers were going to adjust to the extra-long night, but there was little mentioned about the Elements of Harmony and even less mentioned about the ponies who had used them to save the princess in the first place.

“Isn’t there anything in there about you and your friends?” I finally spoke up.

“Hm?”

“Nothing about your journey to the old castle to retrieve the Elements of Harmony? Nothing about who it was who ‘vanquished’ the nightmare? Nothing about Equestria’s newest protectors?”

“Of course. It’s right here.” She gestured with her horn at a paragraph buried three-quarters the way through the article. “…princess thanked the brave citizens of Ponyville who, with the Elements of Harmony, turned back Nightmare Moon’s darkness and-”

“Brave citizens of Ponyville?” I coughed. “What the heck is going on?”

“Mark?”

“On Equestria’s darkest day, all six of you left the safety of the town. You wandered into a forest that nopony has ever come out of and you faced down a manticore, a raging sea serpent, and a vengeful goddess of darkness! And that’s all they have to say for your sacrifice?!” I hadn’t realized that my fingers had curled into a fist until Twilight looked at them and made a note of it. “You’re all heroes in the truest sense of the word! Shouldn’t somepony acknowledge that you risked your lives for them?”

“Mark, please calm down, what’s gotten into you?” Twilight Sparkle looked behind me to where the newspaper vendor was watching with wide eyes. I swallowed reluctantly and forced my white knuckles to relax. A shot of righteous anger is what got into me, that’s what.

“You’re heroes.” I repeated. “I just don’t understand why nopony has said anything about it.” The mare thought for a minute, looking down at the newspaper.

“It said what it needed to say.” She looked up. “We were brave, and we brought out the Elements of Harmony. We have the gratitude of Princess Celestia and now Princess Luna. That’s enough for me. And, true to their names, the Elements of Harmony restored balance to the world.”

“But it didn’t even include your names…”

“And I’m glad it didn’t. I had enough ponies trying to get close to me just because I’m Princess Celestia’s personal student. I don’t need more of that now that I helped use the Elements of Harmony. Besides, it would be a mistake to alienate us from the community we helped to protect. After all, conceitedness if not an element of harmony.”

My brain had to digest that last one for a good ten seconds.

“Touché.” I acquiesced. Still, I made a mental note to have a serious chat with the writer of that article if I ever got the chance.

“At least that’s what Celestia would say… Now!” Twilight’s eyes brightened back up. “Are you ready to head back to the library?” My heart leapt into my throat.

“Actually! I just realized that I wanted to go somewhere!” I sped off towards the market place.

“Where?”

Anywhere but back to little miss Frankenstein’s library.

My path opened up onto the main marketplace where there were dozens of colorful stalls, mostly selling produce and baked goods, but some were selling kitchen supplies or servicing horseshoes. My eyes darted around for any reason not to return to the library. There was a clock stand that Timeturner was working at, an asparagus stand, and even that darn cherry vendor who was going to take advantage of Fluttershy in a future episode. I suddenly had an urge to slap that particular vendor, but my energy was immediately directed towards a more constructive venue.

At the far end of the street, a blond tail tied with a red band was vanishing around a corner. On the pony’s flank were three crimson apples.

“Applejack!” I called out. There was no way my voice could reach her through the crowd, though. I picked up my feet and began dancing through the low tide of four-footed shoppers.

“Mark? Wait up!” Twilight fell slightly behind, but I only needed to gain a couple seconds on her. Just long enough to send an SOS. As soon as I turned the corner, I cried out,

“Applejack!” The mare was pulling an almost-empty cart of granny smith apples and was just turning towards Sweet Apple Acres when she heard me. She glanced over her shoulder with a look of surprise.

“Howdy, Mark. What’s wrong?”

“I need a favor! Twilight’s getting overzealous about studying the new guy in town.”

“Say what?” Applejack’s freckled cheeks squinted in confusion. Everything became clear an instant later, though, when Twilight came up hot on my tail, scraps of paper following her like leaves in the wind. The earth pony quickly looked back to me.

“Well, of COURSE you’re welcome to tag along! That’s mighty kind of you, Mark.” She smiled and winked a meadow-green eye at me.

“Thank you!” I mouthed the words. Having somepony as level and sturdy as Applejack around would certainly keep Twilight’s enthusiasm in check.

“What?” Twilight spoke up.

“Nice to see you too, Twilight. So, what have you two been up to all day?” Applejack asked casually.

“Well, a couple hours ago, I woke up to find Twilight Sparkle sticking long objects in my orifices.” I shrugged.

“Say what now?”

“I was measuring your teeth!” The purple unicorn said defensively.

“I see…” Applejack looked back up towards me with an ‘oh-that’s-what-you’ve-been-going-though look. She tactfully changed the subject, “Y’all sleep in pretty late, then. I’ve already finished the chores around the barn and was just about to start harvesting an order of apples from the east orchard.”

“What were you doing in town, then, if you don’t mind me asking?” I looked into the empty cart.

“Delivering these here baking apples to Sugarcube Corner.” The earth pony explained. “Big Macintosh, that’s my big brother by the way, is busy helpin’ clean up that mess Nightmare Moon left for us, so I’ve been picking up his share of the deliveries.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I glanced back at Twilight Sparkle. Her mouth was pursed into a small, impatient, expression.

“Well that’s mighty kind of you! There’s not much left ‘s far as the chores go, but you’re plenty welcome to help in the east orchard with me.”

“I’d love to!” I loved working outside, especially when the cool air tasted as delicious as it did here in Equestria, but I couldn’t help but glance down at my flaccid limbs and compare them to the bronze pillars that the farm mare was walking on. I didn’t know how much I’d actually be able to help.

“Hold on!” Twilight Sparkle objected. “I thought we were going back to the library!”

“So you can take pictures of my kidneys? Spoiler, they look like kidney beans. I just didn’t want to be cooped up inside all day.” Every year, I was the kind of person whose most acute malady was ‘spring fever’.

“But-”

“Now, sugarcube, we all know you’re excited about the new human, but he needs his space too.” Applejack chided. I gave her a secret thumbs-up and another ‘thank-you’.

“But we don’t know anything about him! We don’t know if his blood is poisonous or if his touch can turn ponies to stone! He could be a larvae for all we know, about to metamorphosise into a giant bug-dragon.”

“You know, I’m right here, right?” I glanced over my shoulder with more than a little revulsion.

“So am I.” Spike folded his claws across his chest.

“Now, Mark, are you going to hurt anypony?” Applejack glanced up at me.

“Of course not.” I winced.

“An’ that’s good enough for me.” The earth pony straightened her hat and kept walking.

“And you believe him? Just like that?” Twilight objected.

“Sugarcube, it don’t do anypony good to meet them assuming the worst.”

“… And you trust him?” Twilight asked pointedly. Applejack looked me up and down again before smiling and saying,

“Until he proves otherwise.”

Immediately, my appreciation for the country girl grew three sizes. In a world where literally anything could happen, evil or benign, she still chose to see me not for my bald skin or for my swag-y walk, but for the individual I was. I’ll admit, the cold feeling of isolation had been growing inside of me for the past couple days, quietly but constantly reminding me that I was alone in this world with no reason for anypony to help me. However, just this simple gesture by a simple mare helped me feel like I could belong here in Equestria for the first time.

Even Twilight Sparkle seemed to resign a bit after that. We left the town of Ponyville below us and began making our way through the endless orchards of Sweet Apple Acres. After a brief explanation on her methods, Applejack began laying out empty bushel baskets beneath the fruit trees and started her iconic applebucking. She gave the trunk a sharp kick and the branches shivered, surrendering their plump yellow orbs. As the apples fell like golden rain, the earth pony gave a small smile and daintily crossed her legs.

It was a small job, by farm standards. We only worked for a couple hours, but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. The conversation was lighthearted, Applejack seemed to enjoy the company and even Twilight Sparkle was smiling towards the end of it. The mares talked about life on the farm versus life in Canterlot while I taught Spike how to juggle apples. There were a few times when Twilight threatened to relapse into her biologist mode, such as when she snatched an apple out of my mouth and refused to give it back until she had copied the teeth marks, but other than that, she behaved pretty well.

“How’re ya holding up, Mark?” Applejack called over her shoulder as we toted the last few bushels back to the farm.

“Great!” I panted, waddling with a large basket of Golden Delicious apples braced on my hips. I wasn’t scrawny as far as humans go, and I had even had a job as a landscaper for a year, doing very much this same thing, but I was still nowhere near the pony’s sheer physical strength. Applejack trotted along with two large bushels on her sides and even Twilight was unphased by her burden. I, on the other hand, could feel a line of sweat running down my back.

“Thank you kindly, y’all, for helping me out. I bet Big McIntosh I could get all these Golden Delicious in the barn by lunchtime. If I win, he's gonna walk down Stirrup Street in one of granny's girdles!” Applejack giggled and skipped.

“No… Nope… Nope…” Spike muttered as he sat on Twilight sparkle’s back, fishing around in the harvest for something to snack on.

“No problem at all, Applejack.” Twilight grinned. “I'm glad the goal is lunchtime, though. All this hard work is making me hungry.”

“Hm?” I grunted. Something about this scene felt familiar.

“I know, right?” The little dragon muttered.

“Puh-lease, Spike! You've been lounging on my back all morning while everypony else worked.”

“Not a pony!” I tried to raise my hand.

“Right, sorry, Mark.”

“Exactly! You two were taking so long, I missed snack-time.” The little guy could get snappy when he was hungry. For that matter, my tank was running on ‘E as well. I needed a Dos Equis and a fried egg sandwich, but decided to see what everypony else was going to do for food. I hated the idea of mooching, but I was still broke.

Spike looked down in surprise when a deep gurgling came from the pony beneath him. Twilight Sparkle laughed nervously,

“Eh-heh-heh, I guess we’d better get some food?”

“I could swear, something about this feels familiar.” I thought to myself. Perhaps if I was sitting at home on the other side of a computer screen I would have recognized it. Instead, I was busy keeping sweat out of my eyes and dodging the rejected fruit the dragon was dropping.

“Nope! Worm... A-ha!” Spike held aloft a giant jewel of an apple, its polished skin glistened like a replica of the sun.

“Oh Spike! That looks delicious-” Twilight’s eyes grew wide just in time to see the fruit vanish into the jaws of the baby dragon. Glassy droplets of thick juice flew in all directions.

“Spike!”

“Mm? What?” The dragon tried to swallow, but in that moment, something rose up out of his throat with a mighty, “Buuurp!” There was a flash of green fire, and a smoky orb leapt out from the back of his throat. It twisted into a vortex before the telltale letter materialized out of the smoke.

“Asdfghjkl!” I squeaked unintelligibly and bit my fist as realization struck me like a two-by-four. This was the opening of ‘The Ticket Master’! The first actual episode of MLP:FIM aside from the pilot. The first episode I watched (before becoming an official brony) to taste and see what this show would be like now that they didn’t have a villain. I had a lot of gratitude to this episode for not dropping the ball.

“Relax, Mark, it’s just a letter from Princess Celestia.” Twilight’s magic snatched up the scroll, sealed with a golden emblem of a horseshoe and a red ribbon.

“Just a letter from the Princess…” I echoed, smiling. Spike plucked up the letter and cleared his throat,

“Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce The Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh, yadda yadda yadda,…”

“That just sounds like a copout so that the writers didn’t have to explain Equestrian calendars.” I set down my bushel of apples and crossed my arms.

“… cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest.” As Spike finished the message, two shiny gold tickets fell out of the paper. Twilight Sparkle and Applejack had riveted their eyes on Spike the moment he mentioned the Gala. Now that he was finished, however, they both glanced and each other and all their excitement spilled out,

“The Grand Galloping Gala!” They cheered, bouncing giddily on their hooves. Spike looked from one to the other, unamused.

“Wow! This is great! I’ve never been to the Gala!”

“Yeah, and that doesn’t make a lick of sense to me...” I coughed into my fist. Seeing as she’s being preened to be a princess one day and whatnot, how could Celestia not let her ‘most faithful student’ attend one of these fancy events before? It’s not like the unicorn was too young to go. Come to think of it, I didn’t know how old Twilight was supposed to be…

“Well, I’ve never gone either and I plan to keep it that way!” Spike’s tongue lolled out of his mouth like a dead worm. “I don’t want any of that girly frilly frou-frou nonsense.”

“Aww, c’mon, Spike.” I patted the baby dragon on the shoulder. “Isn’t that a little harsh? I mean, look at me! I’m a 23-year-old male who’s straighter than an arrow and even I want to go to the girly frou-frou Gala.”

“Mark? Do you even know what the Grand Galloping Gala is?” Twilight Sparkle lifted a critical eyebrow.

“No.” Yes. “But it sounds like fun if you two are any indication.”

“Fun?” Applejack piped up, “It’s gonna be a heap good more than just fun.” She got a far-off look in her eyes, but I soon realized she was just staring at the silhouette of Canterlot in the distance. “Aw, I’d love to attend. Land sakes, if’n I had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chowin’ our tasty vittles till the cows came home. Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres? Why, with all that money, we could do a heap of fixin' up 'round here. We could replace that saggy old roof, and Big McIntosh could replace that saggy old plow, and Granny Smith could replace that saggy old hip! Why, I'd give my left hind leg to go to that gala!”

“Hooves McGilligan!?” I gaffed. “You wouldn’t dare! Besides, it’s a gala, not some country fair you can just set up shop in. Don’t you think there’s going to be plenty of food there already?” I really really hated myself for saying that, but if I didn’t bring out the anti-dreamship guns to bring her down to earth, then reality would only make her crash and burn that much harder. And I couldn’t bear to see my little ponies hurt. Not if I could do something about it.

“If there’s a chance, it’s worth a shot!” Applejack bristled. “Nopony can hold a candle to good ol’ fashioned baking goodness! Just you wait an’ see!”

“Oh, well in that case, would you like to-”

“Whoa!” Rainbow Dash crashed the conversation as swiftly as a falcon and as gracefully as a turkey. She barreled right into the two other ponies, scattering apples and baskets everywhere. She still got points for her quick recovery, though. She poked her head up out of the pile of bodies and cried, “Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala!?”

“If, by we, you mean Applejack and I.” Twilight blew her bangs out of her eyes.

“Rainbow Dash! You told me you were too busy to help in the orchard. What were you busy doin’, spyin’?” Applejack accused the pegasus as she helped Twilight to her hooves.

“No! I was busy helping with an afternoon shower. And I just so happened to hear that you have an extra ticket…?” Rainbow Dash grinned so broadly that it made my cheeks hurt just to look at them. Twilight Sparkle glanced down uncertainly,

“Yeah, but-”

“Yes! This is so awesome!”

I guess recounting this part of the story would be unnecessary. I know I’ve seen the show and I’m just going to go out on a limb and assume that anyone reading my account will have seen the show, so I’m going to try and save some time, and avoid any future reader’s boredom, by just wrapping up certain events as narration.

No disrespect to Rainbow Dash, though. Watching her eyes go all starry while she recounted her dreams and craziest wishes was absolutely adorable. Sure, she was hoping to crash the Gala and steal the spotlight from her idols, but it was all just a dream. I kind of wanted to bring her back down to earth like I did with Applejack, but I was still stinging from the way she snapped at me. I tried to go about it softer,

“Y’know, Rainbow Dash, I’m no expert, but a Gala doesn’t sound like the place for that.”

“Huh?”

“Well, think about it. How would you feel if you were doing a big show and some hotshot rookie dashed in and tried to show you up?”

“Well, you just haven’t seen what I can do!” Rainbow’s wings rose angrily. “They’ll be begging for an encore once I show them what I’m made of!”

“Yeah, you’re just a little patch of sunshine about this whole thing, aren’t you, Mark?” Applejack agreed.

“I just don’t want anypony to be disappointed.” I stepped back with my hands up defensively. But they just snorted and turned away from me.

Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that it’s impolite to stomp on pony’s crazy dreams.

“Don’t you see, Twilight?” RD whirled back around on the unicorn with her huge, pleading eyes, “This could be my one chance to show ‘em my stuff. You gotta take me!” Applejack seized the pegasus by her tail and pried her away from Twilight’s face.

“Hold on just one pony-pickin’ minute here!” She spat the tail onto the ground. “I already asked for that ticket.”

“So? That still doesn’t mean you own it.” Rainbow Dash flicked her tail into the other mare’s face.

“That does it! Let’s settle this. I challenge you to a hoof-wrestle. Winner gets the ticket.” Before anypony could object, the earth pony and the pegasus dashed over to a conveniently-placed tree stump and clapped their hooves together. Tendons tightened and muscles knotted as Ponyville’s strongest pony clashed with Ponyville’s most athletic pony. A rivalry for the ages, and not one that would be settled here, today.

“What should I do?” Twilight looked at the two ponies leering at each other. Spike and I simply stood back with folded arms.

“You’re asking me? They’re your tickets, Twilight, do what you like. But you’d better hurry before I start putting money (that I don’t have) on Applejack.” The future princess of friendship dashed forward and promptly shoved both combatants off the stump.

“Girls! These are my tickets. I’ll decide who gets it, thank you very much. Can we be mature enough to agree that whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket?” Funny to hear a girl’s cartoon character talking about maturity.

“Drummin’ up business for the farm?” Applejack stepped forward eagerly.

“A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?” Rainbow Dash followed suit.

“Money t’ keep this place running?” AJ gestured at the orchard.

“Living the dream!” RD made her eyes glisten again.

Twilight Sparkle looked like a deer in the headlights.

“Oh… my… those are pretty good reasons, aren’t they?” She was obviously uncomfortable in her position. Fortunately, her chance to change the topic was right on cue. Her stomach moaned like a sick cow.

“Ah-ha-ha… Would you listen to that? I am starving. I don’t know about you girls, but I can’t make any important decisions on an empty stomach. So I’ll, just, think about this over lunch and get back to you two, okay?” Twilight courteously excused herself and began heading back towards Ponyville.

“Okay…” RD and AJ said dejectedly. Their eyes caught for a moment and in a flash, they were back on the log, hoof-to-hood and eye-to-eye.

I was torn for a second. I really wanted to see who would win the hoof wrestling contest, but I also didn’t want to miss out on Twilight Sparkle’s first day of friendship lessons. I decided to go with the option that was on her way to lunch. Hopefully AJ and RD would finish up before a new wave of ‘shippers’ found them.

Back in town, it was obvious that the issue was eating at Twilight Sparkle’s conscience. She wore a troubled shadow over her brow and her ears were drooping. Spike was the first to speak up,

“So, who you gonna give the ticket to, Twilight?”

“I don’t know, Spike, but I said I’d think about it over lunch and I’m really hungry, so where should we eat?” She wandered a little too close to Sugarcube corner and the bright pink doors exploded out on her like a giant jack-in-the-box. The ‘jack’ in question lay motionless on the cobblestones like a spent artillery round. I was just about to ask if everypony was all right, but it didn’t take much to jumpstart Pinkie Pie.

Just a glimpse at a couple golden tickets.

“Gah!” She leapt to her hooves and vanished out the right side of my vision only to reappear coming from the left side. I didn’t think even Pinkie Pie could move that fast, or tap her hooves as quickly as she did. After yelling something about bats, she realized that the golden pieces of material looked nothing like small black flying rodents.

“Wait, these aren’t… Tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?!” From my vantage point, firmly rooted in reality, I couldn’t see the candy-coated dreamland that began floating through the pink mare’s mind, but I could certainly hear her singing about it.

“What’s she doing?” Twilight wondered, her eyes going up and down as Pinkie Pie bounced past her.

“Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for meee!”

“Shh…” I was helping Spike dust himself off. “It’s a musical number.”

“-For Pinkieee!”

“What?”

“There’s no helping her now. We just have to wait it out.” I shook my head.

“Is there nothing we can do?” Twilight Sparkle tried to talk over the rapid, nonsensical bridge of Pinkie’s song.

“Shouldn’t be long now, but you can bet what she’s going to want when she comes out of it.”

“What’s that?”

“Your ticket.”

“’Cause it’s the most galarrific superbly-terrific gala ever

In the whole galaxy!

Wheee!” The pink pony bounced around like flubber. “Oh, thank you, Twilight! It’s the most wonderful-est gift ever!”

“Um, actually…”

“Mark, darling! There you are!” Spike froze beside me as Rarity’s voice floated up from behind us.

“Hello, Rarity. Fancy seeing you here. Now.” I smiled casually.

“Well, I wanted to check in and see how things were going with Twilight and- Oh, my! Are these what I think they are?” Rarity gasped and looked at Spike. Like a lovesick puppy, the baby dragon was clutching the tickets in front of him, unaware that the unicorn’s sapphire eyes were locked on them instead of him.

“Ah-” Twilight’s was immediately drowned out by Pinky’s squeaky voice,

“Yes, yes, yes! Twilight’s taking me to the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot!” Pinkie Pie flurbled enthusiastically. (Previously, I thought only mattresses could flurble.)

Rarity gasped and poured out her own dream about the Gala.

What happened next was probably the most painful fantasy I had to listen to that day. Every other pony had built up fantasies as to what they expected or what they hoped to find at the Gala, but those were all based off of misconceptions about the event itself. It wasn’t a circus to sell treats at, it wasn’t Equestria’s Got Talent, it wasn’t a birthday party, it wasn’t a petting zoo, and it wasn’t even a VIP event to chill with the princess. Rarity’s fantasy, however, was a misconception about a certain pony instead.

The way she gushed about her fairy tale night, you’d think Princess Luna herself had promised that all her dreams would come true if she could just attend the Gala. Unfortunately, she was going to walk into the castle with her heart in her hoof and a pig in horse clothing was going to stomp on it. Already, she had the thinnest skin of all the ponies. I couldn’t let her attach her hopes on Prince Blueballs like that. I even lifted my finger to speak up,

“Rarity… I’m sorry to say, but I think you’re putting too much faith on this-” but Twilight shot me a warning glare that silenced me good.

“Twilight, I simply cannot believe you would invite Pinkie Pie so she can… party… and prevent me from meeting my true love. How could you?” Rarity pouted.

As far as dragons guarding gold went, Spike kind of stunk. A little white rodent with a deceptive name dashed over him and snatched the tickets while he stared at Rarity.

“Hey!” Too late, he came back to the present.

“Ah… Angel…” My eyes flashed like daggers. My smile was more like a hungry sneer as I whispered to myself, “So nice to finally meet you…” The little rabbit brought its spoils to a little yellow pony who was standing nearby.

“Ah! Angel, these are beautiful.” Fluttershy was passing by a couple doors down, but stopped to admire the little gift her fluffy thief brought her.

“Hey! Give those back!” Spike ran after the missing tickets.

“Uh, listen guys, I haven’t decided who to give the extra ticket to.” Twilight tried to defuse the situation, but it still blew up. It had to; otherwise there wouldn’t be much of a show.

“You haven’t!?” Immediately, Rarity and Pinkie Pie’s faces represented the theatre masks of comedy and tragedy. A grin and a frown.

“Um… excuse me, Twilight.” Fluttershy was so cute when she physically couldn’t look anypony in the eye. “I would just like to ask… I mean, if it would be all right… that is, if you haven’t given it to someone else…”

“You?” Rarity lifted a critical eyebrow. “You want to go to the Gala?”

She had a point. When I first watched this episode, I couldn’t imagine the writers coming up with an explanation for why such a quiet pony would want to go to a big fancy party. To their credit, however, they came up with a suitable reason. She didn’t want to socialize… with other ponies, that is. She just wanted to enjoy the castle’s quiet gardens. This was actually pretty realistic for her character, seeing as how even my own little sister would rather hang out with animals than attend a party. Kudos to you, writers!

“Oh, no. I mean, yes, or, actually, kind of.” (Sheesh, girl, you’re going to break my comma key!) “You see, it’s not so much the Grand Galloping Gala as it is the wondrous private gated garden that surrounds the dance…”

I wondered if there was any symbolism in the fact that a quiet little pony who never quite fit in with the competitive culture of pegasi would find peace and love on the surface world. A world she had been separated from while growing up, only to find a new life and new friends when the mental barrier that had separated her all her life was finally breached. Some poetry, reminiscent of ‘The Little Mermaid’ or some other fairy tale.

Nah! Probably not. But there was no arguing with the fact that the quiet little pegasus loved nature with a pure-hearted passion.

“Gee, Fluttershy, it sounds… beautiful?” Twilight frowned as Fluttershy finished recounting her dream night.

“Wait just a minute!” Rainbow Dash leered down from the top of a nearby rooftop like Batmare.

“Rainbow Dash, were you following me?” Twilight flinched as the pegasus landed in front of her.

“No! Well, yes. I mean, maybe!” RD stuttered. “Look! It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t risk a goody-four-shoes like you giving that ticket away to just anypony!”

“Wait just ANOTHER minute!” Applejack marched up.

“Applejack, you too?”

“No! I was followin’ this one to make sure she didn’t try any funny business. Like tryin’ to snatch mah ticket.”

“Ha! Your ticket?”

“But Twilight’s taking me!” Pinkie Pie objected.

The knot of ponies began arguing and quarreling like a flock of chickens. Just outside the circle of noise, Spike and I stood by, watching it all play out. I glanced down at him,

“So… What would you recommend for lunch?”

“Meh, I’d love some gemstones for once, but I don’t mind the hay fries.”

“What do those even taste like?”

“Like grass, but fried.”

“Sounds promising.”

Twilight’s eyes were darting back and forth between all her friend’s angry faces and her ears had flattened back on her neck. She slowly shrank under the onslaught of accusations and pleadings and arguments. Finally, she exploded like a pressure cooker,

“Quiet!”

“…and then I said, ‘Oatmeal, are you crazy!?’… oh.” (I kid you not, my brother and I won a round of ‘Taboo’ by using that line.)

“Girls, there’s no use in arguing.”

“But Twilight-” Rarity continued to argue.

“Eh!” A quick wave of her hoof silenced any objections. “This is my decision, and I’m gonna make it on my own. And I certainly can’t think straight with all this noise-” Including the noise of her gut rumbling like a hoard of zombies. “…Not to mention hunger. Now go on. Shoo!”

The other ponies reluctantly obeyed, drifting off in their own separate directions.

“And don’t worry! I’ll figure this out!... Somehow…”

However, this episode was far from over, and I caught more than one competitive pony glance back at Twilight’s ticket with an envious hunger. If the goddess Eris herself was in Equestria, she could forgo the golden apples altogether and simply go with gold tickets. What the hay was Celestia thinking, only sending two?

“Mark, you coming?” Spike pried me out of my thoughts. I nodded and followed him and Twilight to a nearby restaurant.

Apparently, the place came highly recommended, and even as a human, I could tell why. Sure, the little haystacks for seats were a little tacky, but the place was clean, had banners flying, and the service (that French pony) was fast and courteous. As expected, Twilight chose an outdoor table despite my objections. She mumbled something about clearing her head and plopped her jaw helplessly on the quaint mushroom-style table. Even the scent of nearby food didn’t perk her up. I, on the other hand, was sniffing the air like a dog at a bacon convention. Something nearby was being deep-fried.

Twilight Sparkle’s horn simmered with aura like a faint mirage and she began absently plucking the petals off the table’s flower arrangement.

“What am I gonna do, guys? All five of my best friends have really good reasons to go to the Gala. Applejack… or Rainbow Dash? Pinkie Pie… or Rarity? Even Fluttershy… Oh, who should go with me?” That French pony appeared at her elbow,

“Have you made your decision?”

“I can’t decide!” The unicorn snapped.

“Chill…”

“Twilight, he just wants to take your order.” Spike gestured down at the menu.

“Oh… I would love a daffodil and daisy sandwich.”

“Can you help me read this?” I leaned over the table and showed Twilight the menu while Spike asked the waiter about having rubies available.

“You can’t read this?” The unicorn gestured at the rows of hieroglyphics and alien marks.

“No. Why should I?”

“But you speak flawless Equestrian.” Twilight furrowed her brow. I simply shrugged,

“Homeschooled. What can I say?”

“Well, you’ll have to learn if you’re going to live here.” She perused the menu.

“What do you want? Salad? Sandwich?”

“Sandvich!”

“Daffodil and daisy? Artichoke? Raddish? Fried egg?...”

“Ohmygosh! Fried egg, please! You have those?” Proof that there is a God, and that he loves me.

“Ok. I guess we know what he’s having.” Twilight nodded to the waiter and he quickly smiled back and collected the menus.

“I’ll take mine inside.” I whispered out the side of my mouth as he passed. He looked down his long nose at me, but nodded. With that out of the way, I folded my hands and smiled back at Twilight across the table. “I’ll find some way to pay you back.”

“Well… I could pay you to be my personal test subject.” She offered. I continued grinning, letting the gesture slowly grow stale.

“I’m just going to let that sentence hang in the air until you realize how awkward it sounds.”

“What do you think, Spike?”

“I think we have to try another restaurant. I mean, I like grass just fine, but would it hurt anybody to offer some gemstones?”

“Karats are good for you.” Spike and I shared a laugh. Twilight, however, rolled her purple eyes, letting them rest on the flowers again.

“Who should I take?” She muttered.

“Oh, you’re still on that?” Spike sighed.

“Spike, listen! How do I choose? And when I do choose, will the other four be mad at me? I mean, I could give up my ticket and give away two, but that would still leave three disappointed ponies. What if I-”

At this point, I had to pretend to be contemplating the same difficult puzzle by covering my mouth and half-turning away. In actuality, though, I was hiding my smile.

Every brony has their moment when the show became special to them. Mine was two,-part, but the second part wasn’t for a couple episodes later. Instead, this was the first moment when I realized My Little Pony was different from other kid’s entertainment. Other (I’ll call them “lesser”) shows wouldn’t tackle an issue like this with the amount of maturity that Twilight was displaying. “Lesser” characters would argue and yell and fight with their friends for the incriminating ticket like it was some prized steak in a room of wolves. Instead, what was going through the unicorn’s head was what a real person would do in this situation. She was feeling the full weight and reciprocations of what her choice would mean. And, when it came right down to it, one of Twilight’s first thoughts was to give up her own ticket for her friends. That alone proved what kind of character she was made of.

On her part, Twilight still probably considered me a stranger, but at that moment, my smile wasn’t one of laughter. It was one of pride.

“Ah, your food.” The waiter arrived with a plate of simmering hay straws and a sandwich. “And sir, your food is ready as well.”

“Thank you.” I grinned, but all around me, ponies began running into buildings and under awnings. “Good luck with your decision, Twilight.” I quickly excused myself and made my way to the shelter of the restaurant.

“Thank you. This looks so good. I’m sure everything will be much clearer once I eat.”

Meanwhile, I had pounced on a hapless fried egg sandwich and was busy dismembering it with extreme prejudice. It was the most subtle sandwich I’ve ever had. Back home, there were only three dishes I could cook: spaghetti, ramen, and friend egg sandwiches. When I made my signature sandwiches, I had them swimming in mayonnaise, seasoned with a salt lick and smothered in a pillow of Velveeta. Horses, however, have a more sensitive sense of taste. All the ingredients were there, just in smaller amounts. Especially the couple crumbs of cheddar cheese they topped it with, but I couldn’t complain. The realization that these ponies could eat dairy, at least eggs, was going to be a lifesaver for me. Actually, what was I saying? I already knew they ate dairy. If they didn’t eat dairy, then why was there a giant dairy farm featured in ‘Boast Busters’?

“Eh, madam? Are you going to eat your food in ze rain?” The waiter called out to Twilight Sparkle.

“It’s not raining. What’s going on?” The unicorn looked up to see that she was sitting in a tiny island of sunlight surrounded by a drizzly and soggy town. She looked like a religious figure in her little personal sunbeam. Above her, her very own rainbow-haired angel was waving at her.

Words were exchanged. The blue pony used brown-nosed words and the purple pony used stern words to reject them. At least Twilight was perceptive enough to know when ponies were just trying to get on her good side. Probably a byproduct of being Celestia’s personal student again…

“Rainbow, I am not comfortable accepting unwanted favors, so I’d appreciate it if you close up that rain cloud right now.” Twilight shut down Rainbow Dash like a light switch. I sighed. Sure, Rainbow Dash was being a little transparent about her methods, but the ability to control precisely where the rain fell like she did was pretty impressive. I’d have to get used to having pegasi control the weather if I was going to live here. I shivered. It was going to be weird.

The shiver turned into tingling electricity. Twilight was going to get drenched in just a moment and here I was getting lost in my own useless thoughts again. Even after she had graciously bought me lunch, I was standing by while hers was about to be ruined. I leapt to my feet and shouted,

“Quick! I need something flat!”

Outside, the cyan pegasus had just given up on her little pitch for the ticket.

“Ugh, fine!” Rainbow Dash retreated, pulling the hole in the clouds closed behind her.

“That’s better.” Twilight Sparkle, free of the unwanted favor smiled and lifted her food to her mouth. Then the rain hit.

It was like a spring rain, soft, but plenty of it. At least there was no wind. Still, within seconds, the sandwich was inedible, and Twilight Sparkle’s bangs fell flat over her forehead. Ruefully, she glanced up to where Rainbow Dash had been a moment before. That’s when she saw me.

“Sorry…” I smiled sheepishly as I held a menu above her head. It was all I could find, and I still wasn’t fast enough to prevent her soggy fate. A day late and a dollar short. Her reaction to my chivalrous failure, however, wasn’t what I expected at all. Her neck tightened and her teeth set like she was about to explode. I almost stepped back and let the rain fall on her just so that I could get to a safe distance.

“You too!?” She burst out.

“What?” I blinked.

“I can’t believe you, Mark! You want the ticket too!”

“What the hay!? Where’s this coming from?” I wiped rain water out of my eyes.

“Oh, don’t start. I heard you telling Spike that you wanted to go to the Gala. Maybe I just assumed that you would, I don’t know, ASK for it like everypony else.”

“Now hold on, I don’t want the ticket!” I kept the menu aloft, but I really wanted to drop it. “That was just a passing fancy. You’ve already got enough to worry about without me butting in to your conundrum.”

“That’s exactly what you’d say if you really wanted it, Mark. Why else would you be undermining every other pony’s claim to the tickets?” Twilight snorted rain water off her muzzle. “Did you think you could be sneaky about it?”

“Well, AJ’s not going to make more than one sale at a place full of free food. Fluttershy doesn’t know that ‘private garden’ means that the animals are even shyer than she is. Rarity’s concocted some runaway fantasy that even Lewis Carroll would call crazy. And Rainbow Dash can’t comprehend the fact that the event doesn’t revolve around her. Neither does Pinkie Pie for that matter…” I saw the look deepen in Twilight’s face. “… and I’m not helping my case at all, am I?”

When she spoke, her voice was strangely calm and measured,

“Mark, I don’t want any favors from you.” I dropped the menu to my side and we both stared at each other in the rain. (Angry moment, mind you, no shipping here, please!)

“I don’t want the ticket.” I shook my head.

“That’s just what you’d say if you were trying to get it.” The pony huffed and stared blankly ahead of her. I just bit my lips and flapped my arms helplessly.

“Kay. You know what? Fine. I don’t know about you, but I’m soaked. I’ll see you back at the library.” My muddy feet slid in an about-face and I began walking down the street. “Tell Rarity I said ‘hi’.” I called back.

“What?”

“Twilight! It’s raining.” The white unicorn appeared through the shower, adorned head-to-hoof in purple waterproof apparel and a wide, matching umbrella.

“No… Really?” Yet, even the umbrella couldn’t keep the sarcasm from dripping on her.

“Come with me before you catch a cold.”

I sloshed down the streets of Ponyville, occasionally wiping my brow, but mostly just staring ahead. I hadn’t anticipated that Twilight might suspect me of wanting the ticket. I just hoped that I hadn’t put her under any more unnecessary stress. She already had enough coming from her real friends.

“Hmph!” I laughed dryly. I guess I still wasn’t sure if she even considered me enough of a friend to let me get under her skin. To me, though, she was a friend, and her rejection hurt like a kick in the family jewels.

As suddenly as the rain had started, it died off. Above me, the weather pegasi punched holes in the cloud blanket, shedding tiny lancelets of sunbeams over the town. In the next minute, the rest of the storm had crumbled and drifted away like a herd of buffalo, leaving a freshly-scrubbed blue sky behind them.

I flapped my shirt, trying to dry off as much as I could before I made a mess in the library. Then again, it had already been left as quite a mess when Twilight abandoned it this morning. Perhaps I could take a shower and clean up before she returned. However, when I opened the Dutch doors to the library, (both halves) I saw that somepony had already beat me there.

“Oh, hi Fluttershy.” I came in right behind the little yellow pony.

“Eep! Oh, hi, Mark…” She flinched, but turned around with a smile. Around her, a small flock of sparrows and rodents (and Angel) scattered from my appearance. “What brings you here?”

“I could ask the same thing.” But I already knew the answer. “But I won’t. This is just where I’m staying. Mostly for lack of options, but I’m not complaining.”

“Well, you’re always welcome to stay at my cottage for a little while… if you want, that is. I’m sure we could find a comfortable place for you.”

“Aww, that’s kind of you, Fluttershy.” Haha, see what I did there?

“I was just stopping by. I was hoping to meet Twilight, but I think she’s out right now.”

“Probably getting hit by Rarity’s pitch for the ticket about now.” I nodded.

“Oh… I see…” Fluttershy lowered her head until she was almost completely masked by her mane. Angel Bunny (no relation to Bugs Bunny (I hope)) poked his head out from behind the pony’s hoof and tapped it impatiently. She looked back up, “Oh, and then we decided that… you know… because it’s so messy in here… if, perhaps, Twilight might appreciate it if we…”

“Clean up?” I finished.

“Mm-hmm… Oh! And my animals friends want to help too!” The birds chittered excitedly from the bookshelves.

I sighed, but a quick glance around the library and a look at the muddy footprints I was tracking convicted me. Pitch for the ticket or not, this place would be better off with some tidying up. Twilight could use the extra hoof and this place was only in a mess because of me anyways. Perhaps if I could convince her that this was nothing more of an apology instead of a bribe, she wouldn’t be mad at me anymore.

“Mind if I help, too?” I asked. Angel Bunny locked his beady little eyes on me. “Don’t worry, I’m not doing this for the ticket.”

“Oh, well, then, of course! I mean… if you want to… Thank you so much, Mark. Here, I’ll find something you can clean your feet on.” As dainty as a dandelion seed, Fluttershy took to the air. Angel Bunny stared at me for a second longer, his tiny mouth set in a suspicious frown. He lifted a paw and did the ‘I’m-watching-you’ gesture. With a wolfish grin, I returned the favor. His little eyes grew wide and he kept a respectable distance out of arm’s reach after that.

I began by helping sort and move all the books off the floor. We tried to preserve as much of a method to Twilight Sparkle’s madness as possible, compiling her loose leaves of paper and keeping related books close together. Once that was done, the squirrels and the birds shelved them while Fluttershy cleaned the walls and windows. I mopped the floor while Angel Bunny crafted an appetizing salad.

“Better make enough for two.” I spoke to Angel and Fluttershy at once. “She’s pretty hungry.” Angel just shrugged, but seemed fine with the idea.

As we each went about our own tasks, I kept as quiet as possible. Fluttershy didn’t seem like the talkative type and just my presence was enough to keep her timid and silent. However, after long minutes of me trying to blend into the background, she seemed to relax a little. She and her bird friends began whistling back and forth to each other and she finally began humming. Her little voice was soft at first, but the longer I kept silent, the more confident she became.

“Keep your heads now, mate, we’ve come into the realm of the rare and evanescent singing Fluttershy.” I thought to myself in my best Steve Irwin voice. “Crikey, but we have to be careful. One wrong move and this side of her will vanish like morning mist. Quiet now, we dare not get too close…”

With her timid and humble demeanor, her simple, natural beauty, and her entourage of animals, it suddenly hit me that Fluttershy was Walt Disney’s OC. You couldn’t make a better pony version of Snow White if you tried! I was about to speak up, compliment her or something, but at that moment, the door opened.

Showtime.

Twilight Sparkle stood in the doorway with her mouth frozen open and a pleading look on her face. She eyes swept around the room before finally resting on Fluttershy. Personally, I stood as still as possible and hid behind my mop handle. Twilight Sparkle didn’t look like her attitude had improved since we parted.

“Oh, Fluttershy… Not you too?” She moaned.

“Oh, well, hello Twilight.” The pegasus floated a little lower. “I hope you don’t mind, but we’re all doing a little spring cleaning for you.”

“It’s summer.” Twilight said coldly.

“Oh, well, better late than never, right?” Fluttershy blushed almost imperceptibly on her yellow cheeks. Very sweet. I almost got diabetes just by looking at her. “Anyway, it was Angel’s idea.” The bunny was just putting the finishing touches on his salad.

“You’re not doing this for the ticket, are you?” The unicorn’s glare was more critical than a headshot. Fluttershy didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, no. I’m doing this because you’re my very best friend. Right, Angel?” Now it was the rabbit’s turn to look critical. He looked up at Fluttershy and knocked his hind leg against her ankle. “Oh… yes, we are just doing this for the ticket…”

Angel Bunny brought his salad offering to Twilight, smiling. She glanced at it, and for a shattered second, her large glassy eyes were filled with the succulent image of plush leaves. Then, something akin to pure rage flashed across her face.

“No, no, no!” She stamped her hoof.

Angel Bunny was practically knocked backwards by the force of the shout, spilling the meal everywhere. I grimaced and stepped forward with the other half of the salad. Twilight really wasn’t herself when she was hungry. Hopefully, this salad would serve to appease her in lieu of a Snickers bar.

“Twilight. You should eat something.” I tried to sound as far-removed from the whole ticket issue as possible. She glanced at me and immediately I knew she thought I was trying to get my fingers on her ticket again. I shook my head,

“Nope! No bribery, no hoof-greasing, no brown-nosing. Just think of this as a peace offering. I’m sorry you thought I was trying to take advantage of the situation earlier.” I stood there with the salad, waiting to see what Twilight Sparkle would do. The seconds seemed unnaturally long. Too long. Her face went blank and she didn’t even look me in the eye as she marched back towards the door.

“Mark, what did I say about unwanted favors?”

“This isn’t a favor! This is payback for buying me lunch-”

“This was all very nice of everyone, but I’m not accepting any extra favors until I’ve made my final decision.” Twilight opened the door and gestured towards it. “So I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Ouch…” Her cold shoulder gave me frostbite. I had tried to be humble, tried to apologize, opened up my sincerity, and she had just trampled on it. The rejection left me reeling.

For one minute, I was staring at a pony who just flat-out told me that she thinks I’m a conniving, dishonorable schemer, and the next, she vanished. A pair of bright pink legs reached in through the open door and swept Twilight Sparkle off her hooves.

“Surprise!!” A dozen ponies cheered.

“Ah? Twilight?” Fluttershy looked out the window helplessly. Right in front of the library, a throng of colorful ponies was cheering and tossing Twilight Sparkle up into the air.

“She’s fine.” I tossed the useless salad onto a nearby table. “It’s just an impromptu Pinkie Pie Party.” Sure enough, the music began,

“Twilight is my bestest friend! Whoopee! Whoopee!...”

“Oh… Well, then, maybe I should go…” Fluttershy crept towards the door.

“Why? You’re not going to stick around for her decision?” I muttered. In that moment, I was as deflated as the Hindenburg. The look of disappointment Twilight gave me was still floating before my eyes.

“Um… Mark? Are you alright?”

“She can’t trust me!” I shook my head helplessly. “She can’t trust anyone… Even while surrounded by her friends, all she sees is a herd of greedy boot-lickers whose train of thought goes no deeper than that figgin’ ticket!... I’m just peachy, thanks for asking.”

“Oh… then I’ll just… go?”

“Actually, you should stay, Fluttershy.” I turned and gestured for her to join me. “You should be here for when this wraps up. In fact, all of Twilight’s friends should be here for this.” I felt hot under the collar and wanted to give everypony a piece of my mind, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I didn’t know why I was feeling so riled up. I knew this story, knew this episode, knew the ending and knew that I wasn’t a part of the plot, so I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that I’d get emotionally caught up in it. I sunk down into a low chair and folded my arms defiantly across my chest. Sure enough, ponies began to trickle into the library.

“Hey, everypony! Pinkie Pie was the first one to come bouncing in. “Watcha doin’?”

“We’re waiting for Twilight to return.”

“No way! So was I! We should start a club! And then we can wait for dusk, then midnight to return, then dawn, then afternoon, then twilight again, then dusk-”

“Um, but wasn’t she just with you?” Fluttershy spoke up.

“Who? Twilight? Yeah, I was throwing her a super-duper-awesome-impromptu-get-on-your-friend’s-good-side party, but she was chased off by a smngry mob!” She almost turned her face inside-out to say that last part.

“A what?” I lifted an eyebrow.

“A smngry mob! It’s like an angry mob, but everypony is smiling!”

“Of course…”

“… and you have no proof that I was only sellin’ those vittles to Twilight! Could’ve been anypony an’ I just picked the hungriest!” Applejack tramped in through the door, followed closely by Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah? Well, what makes you think I was pulling special favors? Huh?”

“Ya left a patch of sunlight on the gal as if she was Saphire Shores herself!”

“Oh… Right…”

“Evening, girls.” I nodded curtly.

“What are all you doing here?” Rainbow Dash bristled.

“According to Twilight, we’re all here for the same thing.” I explained. “Even though she’s mistaken about me.”

“Well, for better or for worse, she’s going to have to come back here sometime.” Applejack adjusted her hat.

“Then maybe we’ll finally get an answer!” The cyan pegasus groaned. “I mean, how long does it take to say ‘it’s yours, Rainbow Dash’?”

“Ooh! Ooh! Five feet, seven inches!” Pinkie Pie raised her hoof.

“I mean, I need the ticket the most!” RD continued, “This is something that’s going to change my life forever! My future depends on this!” She pulled at her cheeks and floated to the floor. Applejack watched her out of the corner of her disapproving eyes.

“I’m not going to comment, on account that I might say something I’ll regret.” The orange pony declared.

The Dutch doors opened again and the last member of the M6 arrived. Rarity paused, as if surprised to see the rest of us already there. Now all the players were in place for the episode finale.

“Oh, dear, I take it Twilight isn’t here.”

“Take a number, take a seat.” I muttered. Aloud, I said, “She’s currently being chased by a smangly… a sanger… a swanger… A smiling mob of ponies.” Rarity looked at me as if I had morphed into a lobster until Pinkie Pie volunteered,

“The smngry mob was growing at an alarming rate last time I checked.” She said, “It won’t be long until all of Ponyville is consumed with a rabid, grinning, desire to commit random acts of kindness for Twilight!”

“Oh, dear. Well, should we try and find her first?” Rarity looked around uncertainly.

“You’ll never penetrate her ingenious disguise as a store mannequin.” I explained. “She needs to come back here eventually.”

“And when she does, I don’t want anypony saying anything! Let her make the right decision!” Rainbow Dash ordered.

“Hooey! Like you’d let her!” Applejack accused. “Everypony knows that you’ll just pounce on Twilight the moment she comes through that door!”

“Hey! I was going to be the first to pounce!” Pinkie Pie objected.

“Can’t we just let her be?” Fluttershy whispered.

“Darling, Twilight is under severe emotional stress right now!” Rarity scoled. I almost nodded in approval until she continued to say, “And that means that I should be the first to approach her. One needs to exercise tact and sensitivity in a situation like this.”

The conversation disintegrated like Tums in water. Everypony was accusing the others of trying to steal the ticket or arguing why their reason for going to the Gala was better than anypony else’s. I stewed in my seat for a while, listening to the din gradually rise higher and higher. Poor Fluttershy just got smaller and smaller the louder the library became. I knew I shouldn’t interfere with the plot of the episode, but I reached a point where I didn’t care anymore. I slapped my knees, hauled myself up to my full height and bellowed,

“Enough!”

Five large pairs of eyes turned towards me. (Not counting Angel. He went back to Fluttershy’s cottage after the whole salad incident.)

“I thought you all were better than this, but now I find I’m just sitting here disappointed in each and every one of you!” I shook my head. “You’ve all been so focused on yourselves, that you haven’t realized that you’ve thrown away any respect you had for each other. The only one who’s carried herself with any kind of admiration is Twilight Sparkle herself!”

“Hey!”

“Siddown, Dash! If you’re all done talking, I’ve got something to say, so would you all kindly listen?”

“Sounds like you got a bee in your bonnet, Mark.” Applejack mused, but politely sat down. “What’s on your mind?”

“Thank you.” I looked around at my new audience, suddenly nervous about lecturing my little ponies, but determined to say my peace anyway.

“Now, I know I’ve got this backwards; I’m supposed to take the log out of my own eye before pointing out the splinter in yours, but since I didn’t have any friends to work with back home, I’ll just give what advice I can for the here and now. You’ve all been acting disrespectfully. Not just to Twilight Sparkle, but to yourselves! You’ve been selfish and tunnel-visioned, not caring who you were undermining or working around so long as you got one step closer to your dream.”

“Isn’t that what dreams are for?” Rainbow Dash hung her cheek on her hoof, bored at my speech already.

“Look at it this way, what have you all been saying all day?” I pointed to each of the ponies in turn, “Me. Me. My. My.” My finger paused on Applejack, “Not-quite-‘me’-or-‘my’-but-still-missing-the-whole-point-of-what-this-day’s-been-trying-to-teach-everyone.”

“And that is?” Rarity asked.

“That you’ve all been focusing on yourselves and have been completely blind to the distress and dreams of the one pony who’s actually the most deserving of the ticket!”

“Who?” Rainbow Dash lifted her wings in excitement.

“C’mon, girls! It’s Twilight Sparkle!” I held out my hands as if I were physically handing the ponies the correct answer. But they still weren’t getting it. A confused groan circled the room.

“Mark, darling, Twilight Sparkle already goes without saying. We were trying to find whose romantic, life-altering vision was to accompany her.” I jabbed an accusing finger at Rarity.

“No! She doesn’t go without saying! I’ll have you all know that while she was pondering this issue over lunch, one of the first directions her brain went was to consider forfeiting her own ticket so that two of you could go.”

“She… really said that?” Fluttershy gasped.

“She did.” I mustered all my seriousness into those two words. They seemed to have the proper effect. Each pony became strangely quiet and even Rainbow Dash hung her head in thought.

“You see now? She was willing to sacrifice for you. She was willing to put your dreams before her own. She respected each of your enough that it was worth more for her to give up her fantasy night so that one of you could have yours. And the only thing that stopped her was the fact that she couldn’t choose which two to send. She couldn’t bring herself to disappoint the three who would have to remain behind.” I drove the final point home, “Is it really too much to ask that you try to do the same?”

The silence continued.

“Just… out of curiosity,” Rainbow Dash was the first to speak up, “what was Twilight Sparkle’s dream night at the Grand Galloping Gala?”

I didn’t really have an answer. Well, I did, but not one that I should technically know at this point in time. I did, however, have a lot of hints,

“She’s just moved away from her home. She’s left her family, her protective big brother, her hometown, and her mentor behind. She’s only been in this quaint little town for a couple days and she’s found the first real friends she's ever had and has risked life and limb for them. But, by the time the Gala rolls around, what do you think will be going through her head? Honestly, she’s going to be homesick, the roots she’s putting down in Ponyville will still be new and tender. Twilight Sparkle wants to go to the Grand Galloping Gala to spend one more full night with her mentor and loving teacher. All she wants is to show her family and beloved princess all that she’s accomplished for them. All she wants is to hear Princess Celestia whisper, ‘I’m so proud of you, my most faithful student’.”

I wasn’t acting when my throat got tight towards the end. My life was a jumble, and as far as starting a random new chapter in life went, I was going through something very similar. My greatest dream was for someone to tell me they were proud of me. My emotion must have carried on to the other ponies as well. The library fell completely silent.

“I see…” Applejack removed her hat and fiddled with it.

“I suppose we have acted with less delicacy than we should have.” Rarity agreed.

“Can we tell Twilight that we’re sorry?” Fluttershy asked. I glanced out the window. The sun was already setting and the velvety purple color of Equestria’s night sky was consuming the horizon.

“We shouldn’t have to wait long.” Quietly, everypony waited for the purple unicorn to return. True to my (mysteriously accurate) prediction, Twilight Sparkle returned to the library soon after sunset. Of course, she was too good to use the front door like everypony else. At first, we all felt the air grow thick. Then there was a feeling in our chest like somepony was standing on us. Finally, in a burst of light and noise, a very dazed Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon appeared out of a teleportation spell.

“Ugh! Warn me next time you’re gonna do that…” Spike groaned.

“I didn’t even know it was gonna happen. Now quick, lock the doors!” With her eyes still spinning, Twilight Sparkle began dashing around the library, locking the entrance, fastening the windows, and extinguishing the lights. I and the rest of the M5 watched her run around for a moment. Somehow, she didn’t notice the six pairs of eyes watching her.

“Umm… Should we…”

“No, let’s enjoy this a moment longer, Fluttershy.” I whispered. There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s Mastercard, but this was one of the former.

“Phew…” Twilight shook the rest of the dizyness from her head and wiped her brow. I reached beside me and lit up a nearby lamp. The purple unicorn spun around like a cat that just got hit with a supersoaker, her eyes wide and her pupils small.

“Yeaaarrrgh!” She collapsed into a shivering bundle of nerves. Cautiously, we crept toward the little ball of tears and stress.

“I can’t decide! I just can’t decide!” She cried. “I know it’s important to all of you and I just can’t stand to disappoint any of you and giving me gifts and doing me favors won’t make any difference because you’re all my friends and I wanna make you all happy and I can’t! I just can’t!”

I didn’t have any words to help repair a broken heart, but fortunately, that’s what we had Applejack for,

“Twilight, sugar, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put so much pressure on you… And if it helps, I don’t want the ticket anymore. You can give it to somepony else. I won’t feel bad, I promise.”

“Me too.” Fluttershy piped up. “I feel just awful that I made you feel so awful.”

“And me too. It’s no fun upsetting your friends.” Pinkie Pie smiled, but her lips were quivering and threatening to break out in a sympathy bawl.

“Twilight, it was unfair of me to try to force you as I did.” Rarity cleared her throat and apologized as well.

“Yes! That means the ticket is mine! Haha! ♪ I got the ticket. I got the ticket- ♫”

The whole group looked up at the cyan pegasus with an expression that practically shouted, “Oh my gosh, Rainbow Dash! Are you for cereal right now!?” Her song died in her throat and she floated to the ground like a deflated balloon.

“You know… I haven’t perfected my best moves for the Wonderbolts anyway. I don’t need that ticket either.”

“We all got so gun-ho about going to the Gala that we couldn’t see how un-gun-ho we were making you.” Applejack explained. Everypony quietly apologized in their own way. For the first time all day, Twilight Sparkle shared a smile with her friends.

She straightened up, cleared her throat and said,

“Spike, take down a note.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I've learned that one of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings, but when there's not enough blessings to go around, having more than your friends can make you feel pretty awful. So, though I appreciate the invitation, I will be returning both tickets to The Grand Galloping Gala.”

“What!?” Everypony burst out.

“If my friends can’t all go, then I don’t wanna go either.” Twilight said definitively.

“Twilight, you don’t have to do that.” Applejack tried to say.

“Nope! I’ve made up my mind. Spike, you can send the letter now.” The little dragon took a deep breath, arched his back, opened a window, and blew a cloud of green flames onto the letter. It evaporated into ash and dust before vanishing into the night air.

“But, now you won’t get to go to the Gala either.” Fluttershy protested.

“It’s okay, girls. I couldn’t possibly enjoy myself without my best friends there with me, so I’d rather not go at all.” Unable to contain themselves, all the ponies buried Twilight Sparkle under an assault of snuggles and giggles.

Spike frowned disapprovingly and pointed his finger down his throat. I just smiled down at the little guy.

“I don’t care if it’s cheesier than cheddar, you’ve gotta admit that that’s adorable.” Suddenly, the dragon clutched his chest. In a burst of smoky wind and green embers, a new letter erupted from his throat. Twilight Sparkle instinctively snatched it out of the air.

“A letter from the princess? That was fast.”

“Yes… It was…” I said suspiciously. So it wasn’t just the miracle of editing for the sake of television; Celestia really was ready and waiting to send this second letter. “Perhaps…”

“My faithful student Twilight,

Why didn't you just say so in the first place?" A flurry of gold fell to the library floor. “Six tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!”

Everypony gasped, slightly stunned and amazed.

“Now we can all go!” Twilight Sparkle tried to cheer, but her stomach growled like a lion with a hangover. Her cheeks grew red.

“Allow us to treat you to dinner.” Rarity came up beside her friend.

“What a great way to apologize.” Rainbow Dash agreed.

“And to celebrate! Come on everypony, the cupcakes are on me!” Pinkie Pie leapt out the library’s front door, followed one-by-one by the other ponies.

“Mark, Spike, you’ll join us of course!” Rarity called from the doorway.

“Of course!” My mouth watered at the thought of dinner, but Spike was moving less-than-enthusiastically. He stared enviously at the golden tickets as each pony took theirs and headed out the door. All of a sudden, he hiccupped and another letter appeared.

“And one for you, Spike.” The little guy’s face lit up and he charged out the door, holding his ticket in front of him like a trophy. He locked eyes with Applejack, who just smiled slyly and daintily crossed her legs.

“I mean, gross! I have to go too?”

“The tough guy’s gotta save face, after all.” Applejack and I laughed.

Just before closing the door to the library, however, the orange pony reached out and touched my elbow.

“Hey, Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t think we missed that little chestnut you dropped earlier this evening about not having friends back home. I know you’ve had a rough time of it, but from now on, I just wanted ya to know that you’ve got friends here.”

“…Thanks, Applejack.” I tried to speak confidently, but it came out as a whisper.

“You and Twilight can learn about friendship together. Starting here.” The orange mare held out a hoof.

“Starting here.” That was my first real hoof-bump.

Author's Note:

I seem to be faced with a conundrum; I can't write a chapter per episode (100th episode tomorrow!), because that would only take a ton of time and you as the Reader already know what happens in the show. This chapter has showed me that I might be able to mesh Mark's story arc with the pony's character development, but I'm still left with no clue as to how many chapters I should write devoted to the show and how many I should write as "additional" or behind-the-scenes chapter. Also, I don't know if I should continue to write these canonical scenes word-for-word, or if I should just paraphrase them. Let me know what you think.
-MasterZadok "Mark"

Comments

[Ultimate Bromaeda]

That was fun. Me want more please

[Aprion]

Author's Note: *blah blah*
Let me know what you think.
-MasterZadok "Mark"

This is just my personal approach so take it with a healthy dose of salt and caution.
When it comes to picking what episodes to use, I would suggest you start by picking your favorites, then from there pick the ones that provide the most oppertunity for entertaining situations, or oppertunity for character growth and that sort of thing. Alternately you could mix and match. theres no rule that states you have to stick to the show chronolog. its YOUR story after all

[Vates Despero]

“I’m curious about your ability to massetate…”

This word... I do not think it means what you think it means... because it is not a word... therefore it means nothing.

The word that means chewing is 'mas-ti-cate', not 'mass-e-tate'... which again, isn't a word at all.

[Titan Commander Sebaste]

Geez, a bit of overreacting on Twi's part, but a really good chapter in all!

[Peliik fin dovah]

6631743 If you can grasp the meaning behind the word even if it is a nonsensical word like confussled (a personal favorite of mine) then it is by all accounts a real and working word.

Though, in this case it was simply a typo.

[SabreTheRedMane]

“You can take a urine sample when Steve Magnet gets a second episode.”

Steve in season 5

Mark, you promised...

[A random person]

“Karats are good for you.”
.... I believe its spelt Carrots....

[BlackPowder]

7461627 No, karat, as in "that is a fourteen karat diamond.". Not Carrot like the vegetable.

[Vision]

“Eep! Oh, hi, Mark…”

[Gizmo Gear]

“She’s just moved away from her home. She’s left her family, her protective big brother, her hometown, and her mentor behind. She’s only been in this quaint little town for a couple days and she’s found the first real friends she's ever had and has risked life and limb for them. But, by the time the Gala rolls around, what do you think will be going through her head? Honestly, she’s going to be homesick, the roots she’s putting down in Ponyville will still be new and tender. Twilight Sparkle wants to go to the Grand Galloping Gala to spend one more full night with her mentor and loving teacher. All she wants is to show her family and beloved princess all that she’s accomplished for them. All she wants is to hear Princess Celestia whisper, ‘I’m so proud of you, my most faithful student’.”

Her protective big brother.

Oh boy. This is definitely gonna come up again later.

[Someguy458]

“Tell you what,” I opened the wooden door and looked down at the unicorn, her head still stuck to the floor; “You can take a urine sample when Steve Magnet gets a second episode.”

And then Season 5 happened.