After Twilight's second trip to an alternate reality, Fluttershy becomes interested in the idea of other worlds filled, not with ponies, but with humans. Would she be able to interact with these hairless apes like her animal friends, or would she view them like she does other ponies and hide? Not only that, but all of her friends have gone on solo adventures that she doubts that she could ever go on without them. But with some encouraging words from Twilight, and a little help from discord, Fluttershy resolves herself to have an adventure in a human world. Lucky for her, discord has chosen a world filled with over a hundred and fifty species of new animals that she would love to find and meet.
This story takes place in the first generation of Pokemon, just slightly ahead of Ash's adventures.
ok, few things here...
u make this mistake several times, this is the wrong 'wile'...that word refers to things like a 'women's wiles'. what u want in every instance u use this word is 'while', not 'wile'.
also, this...entire section...
u make this mistake as well...several characters r talking, but unless one looks sharp, its very difficult to determine who...
5072118 Thank you so much for your comment. There were two instances of the word 'wile'. I just fixed them. grammar has never been my strong point in writing. And how do you mean by 'looking sharp'? could you give an example of that?
5072864 well, u have three characters speaking in that section: Flutters, Twi and then Dashie, but its difficult to tell where the change over happens or exactly whos talking right in the middle there without a second look. i was only able to identify Twi because i know who Shining and Cadance r. but even so, it seems very much like Twi's lines r being spoken by Flutters at first, what with the way u have it arranged and not identifying the new speaker. yes, such a thing can be done and done well, and in such a way as not to confuse the reader...sadly, this is not the way to do it.
wait for a week or so after u finish a chapter and then read it over again before posting it. ull find that u can catch a lot more mistakes such as the ones ive mentioned than if u try to edit after u just finished. the problem is ur own mind is making corrections on the fly when ur intimately familiar with ur work, mistakes that would be glaringly obvious r able to hide in plain sight. this particular block of diolog weve been discussing is one of those kinds of errors. reading through ur work when uve forgotten a bit about it and the errors can come to light more easily. a little trick that i use for my own writeing as i dont have an editor and have to do that part myself.
I love it!
I think this is going to be a great story! Fluttershy + Pokemon =
Keep up the good work!
My only real complaint so far is there are more pokemon than 150 now and I think that Fluttershy may also play the sax.. At least we seen the Breezies break one in her house and since there only one pony in the house... But don't quote me on it as been awhile since I've seen the episode...
5085098 This story is staying strictly in the first generation, back when they thought that there were only 150..... until they discovered the entire regen of Johto, just on the other side of indigo plateau. lol. As for the sax, I really don't see Fluttershy playing a sax. Maybe it's Angel's. lol or even better, it's her bear friend's Sax. I'd love to see that in an episode.
5088759 Oh! first gen only; OK! I'm very cool with that as I know how you feel as that is how I started too! And as for the sax.. I suppose it might not be hers but you got to admit it would blow a lot of fluttershy fans minds a lot more than if it was the bear and human fluttershy plays in a band so it's not out of the question pony fluttershy has other talents we don't know of but only time will tell..... But I gotta say seeing the bear play the sax would be very cool too... But now it makes me wonder if her animal friends do stuff for her that the other ponies don't know about...hmmmm Now that would explain the snow white moment....
TOTALLYNOTFANGIRLINGTOTHEPOINTOFSHIVERING
Thanks so much for writing this my friend. The G1 series was the only one I could actually keep track of all the pokemon.
5106090 I kept up to g3, then things started getting too unoriginal. its like they ran out of ideas most of the time and thought, "lets make random things pokemon. like ice cream. that sounds like it would make a good pokemon". lol
This is really well written! I can't wait to see the rest!
5134448 I take it that you like how the story is going then? lol
5135543 YUS! *squee* I'm sooo excited for the next chapter
5135608 I try to get a new chapter out on a weekly basis, usually by Saturday night.
5135680 Yay!
Oh I think I know who's on the bike (either it's Ash or it's Misty before she met Ash
So Fluttershy still has her Stare, eh?
5159873 Well, I don't see why being in the pokemon world would take that ability away. lol
5160045 True, very true
Is Discord going to play a role of Brock or maybe Misty? Or is she going to go solo without companions? Just saying because she was tagged with just Discord and Twilight and without OC or other characters and it remind me of reversed gender of Pokemon team - Ash, Brock and Misty
This is specifically Fluttershy's adventure. But she will interact with discord and twilight whenever she sleeps and goes back to Equestria, and (spoiler) she will have at least one non pokemon companion for a time.
Yay you gave her pidgy the flying type in kanto non legendary of course
Umm, Growl lowers the Attack of a Pokemon not its Defense.
5161621 Eyup. I messed up with that one. Fixed it, sort of. I never use growl or tail whip in the games, so sometimes I get the two confused. Luckily, the previous chapter had the same mistake, but still reads ok because I wrote the effects vague enough to be taken ether way. Still, I'll try not to mix up moves again. Thanks for catching that. Hope you are enjoying the story all the same.
Little mistake here, a "week" is the grouping of 6 days, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc. For this case you meant to say "weak".
Nonetheless, great story, and I'm looking forward in reading more.
Again, same mistake.
I do hope she meets Ash. Roooomaaance???? xD
Oh.
My.
God.
MOAR.
5189568 absolutely. though, I was rather busy this weekend, so the next chapter will be a little late.
awww thats very nice of Discord lending a hand to give Fluttershy an adventure she wont forget
i wonder which pokemon gonna be her first hmmm
oh well of to the next chapter to read
ooh Bulbasaur not bad
its also part poison type too
well on the newer generation that is unless its included in the story
yay Pidgey
cute little bird at first but when fully evolved its very big and royal like.
i wonder what other mons Flutters gonna get and it would be very funny to read her friends reaction if one or all of her pokemons sorta get transported to Equestria when she sleeps in the pokemon world and wakes up in Equestria.
regardless upvote and fav for tracking the story
<3 this story so much :) don't stop writing!
5287238 Sorry for the hiatus. Couple of things have been happening, but most of all, I moved and I'm now living in my own apartment, which I only just got comcast to hook up internet. I hope to have another chapter out this weekend, so fingers/ hooves crossed that nothing more interferes with my writing. So I hope that you and everypony else is looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks for reading and liking my story =)
I just remembered that Damien is the same trainer that abandoned the Charmander that would become Ash's.
5290568 exactly so. I haven't found any evidence to say where he's from, but in this story, he's from Pallet.
lol i thought it was Ash she was gonna meet on the bike but then i remembered from the show that he had to borrow Misty's Bike which got fried in the the storm lol
I have to agree with your proofreader on this one. Fluttershy's a bit to out-going then she normally is... Something I noticed since she first stepped into the world of Pokémon. I believe despite how she knows that Pokémon enjoy battling, she'd still be slightly against it, or would try to end the battle without any harm becoming of either of the Pokémon... She's the Element of Kindness, after all.
Honestly, this story is hardly grappling onto the 'pony' part of it, the only thing that relates to My Little Pony right now is the main character being Fluttershy under the alias of Fauna, Discord giving her instructions, and the necklace that let's her travel between the world of Pokémon and Equestria. Fluttershy, Discord, and a piece of jewelry... Hmm. I'm hoping that you can tie this story back to Equestria at some point...
Despite that, I believe that this might turn out to be a great story. All you need to work on is keeping your characters as... Themselves, and not letting it follow an extremely predictable path most Pokémon journeys are prone to taking. Good luck!
5299583 Well, remember that Fluttershy will travel between the two worlds every time that she goes to sleep. The next chapter will be the end of her first day in the Pokemon world and we'll be heading back to Equestria after that. As for her being more outgoing in the Pokemon world, that's actually what I'm aiming for, or rather what I want to lead her up too. That being, her journey in the Pokemon world will increase her confidence and ability to be outgoing and less.... well, shy. You know, character growth. But maybe I'm not letting that transition be gradual enough. In any case, I'm keeping what I've got, and maybe I'll tone it down a little in the next chapter, but we should see a return to her usual self once she's returned to Equestria and is surrounded by the familiar things, places, and people.
5300499 Also you seem to be inadvertently changing the core character of Fluttershy. I think it would be best to avoid a split personality.
So is Fluttershy going to be meeting Ash next time when she is in the Pokemon world or no or at all in the story?
5320383 I'm not going to say that she never meets him, but not next chapter. honestly, I don't know if I should have them meet at any point or not. I've got the basic story all planned out in my head, so if they do meet, it won't be a major plot device. That being said, it might happen. I do already know that I'll bring Misty back at some point, but also keep in mind that this is going to be a really, REALLY long story. So, just about anything can happen.
oh sweet a new chapter, hey since this takes place during the show, why not go all out and have the announcer explain stuff in the intro and end of the chapters like he does in the show
Well, I like the fact that she won't be so outgoing from the beginning, because I didn't like that as soon as she got into the world she started acting a lot less like herself.
5321326 Make them meet! please?
Kind of sad that her courage has now totally vanished....
is this story dead please please please tell me this isn't dead