• Published 26th Sep 2014
  • 1,828 Views, 38 Comments

This Minuette just keeps getting worse - Fimbulvinter



Colgate gets ready for work, multiple times.

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Chapter 1

Colgate was not having a good morning. Her alarm not going off when it should have was only the latest in a string of things going wrong that had started last night when she was meant to be having a nice night in with her mare friend, Berry. What had started off as the pair of them settling in by the fire to listen to music and try out a couple of new bottles of wine had turned into a disaster when Berry, who was starting to get a little bit tipsy, had had pulled out a bottle of something a little stronger, and then proceeded to demolish almost half of it by herself before Colgate could stop her.

Colgate loved Berry, loved her and her filly daughter both with all her heart, but she couldn’t keep being the one to take Berry to the hospital to get her stomach pumped when she drank too much. Having to limp a retching Berry to the hospital, having to take on the accusing stares of the staff, having to wait around for hours for her to sober up enough that she could take Berry home, having to wake up Pinchy in the middle of the night to help her mother into bed.

The alarm not working had been the last straw. When she had finally woken up enough to realize what the time was, Colgate saw that she only had about twenty minutes to get ready before her dental clinic was meant to open. She had a full list of patients to see today, and she couldn’t afford to be late on her first one; she'd never make up the time.

“It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?” she asked herself, slowly trotting over to her bathroom. The door was closed, but she could hear water running. Ordinarily, the sound of water running would be a cause for concern, especially if one lived alone as Colgate did. It would signify that either you forgot to turn off the water last night, or more likely, that there was somepony else in the apartment with you. Colgate wasn’t worried though; she had a pretty good idea of what she was going to find behind that door.

Gently, she pushed the bathroom door open and looked in. Just as she expected, front hooves up on the counter and her toothbrush being worked diligently to brush her teeth, was herself. A second Colgate was already in the bathroom, taking care of her morning prep work, washing her mouth out, while a hair brush absently worked her tail into a manageable state.

Normally, meeting yourself would have reduced a pony who wasn’t expecting it to a gibbering state as they tried to comprehend just what it was that they were seeing. Not so for Colgate. For her, meeting a future version of herself was about at surprising as seeing the sun rise in the morning; it was just something that happened.

“How many?” she asked her double, sidling past her to reach the toilet.

“Three,” the second Colgate replied, spitting into the basin and rinsing off the brush.

“As bad as that?” Colgate said, deflated as she sat down on the cool rim of the toilet. This morning was about to get even worse if she was number three.

Not many ponies knew that Colgate’s special talent actually had very little to do with her chosen field of dentistry. While she told patients that her hourglass was a symbol of her ability to keep track of brushing time, and knowing exactly when to floss and such, it was all a lie. Her actual talent lay in the field of time manipulation magic. Put simply, she could slow down, speed up, or even stop the flow of time relative to herself whenever she wanted to. She could also jump forwards or backwards through time, as she had clearly, or rather, would clearly do some time this morning. The other Colgate’s answer of three was a little code that she used when she encountered herself, something that happened more frequently than she liked to admit. It meant that this was her third time experiencing this particular loop of time. There would certainly be another Colgate somewhere else in the apartment doing some other part of her morning routine.

The duplicate Colgate nodded and returned to primping her mane. Colgate didn’t try to make any more conversation. Talking to yourself was always an oddly surreal experience, and one that she wasn’t willing to go through right now. Right now, she needed coffee; hot and strong and bitter coffee.

Future Colgate stepped aside as she got up from the toilet and let her wash her hooves in the sink. She gave Colgate a quick smile, and then picked up the brush again and returned to running it through her mane. Colgate exited the bathroom and headed for the kitchen area, thinking about what it could be that caused her to have to jump back in time not just once, but twice in one morning. She knew that it would be futile to keep thinking about it, and that whatever the reason would be, it would reveal itself in due time.

Just like the bathroom, the kitchen was already occupied with another copy of Colgate, this one seated at the table and munching away on a bowl of cereal, with a steaming mug of rich coffee next to her. She barely even looked up as Colgate walked in through the doorway, lifting a hoof to point at the coffee pot over on the counter.

“Two?” Colgate asked her seated counterpart.

“Yep. Pot’s hot, but the milk’s off. Carrot Top has some, but she left for work five minutes ago.” Colgate two picked up a small pitcher of milk, one that Colgate recognized as being one of Carrot’s.

Despite knowing what she would find, Colgate made her way over to the fridge and picked up her carton of milk. It was indeed off, giving off a slightly sour smell. With a snort of disgust, she tipped it down the sink.

This, Colgate instantly recognized was the first reason that she had to jump back in time. Such casual use of time travel would have horrified her professor back at Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns, but damn it, she needed coffee. If jumping back a couple of minutes was going to tear the universe a new one, then so be it. But that wouldn’t happen. Colgate three wouldn’t have been in her bathroom otherwise.

She quickly walked over to an empty space in the corner of the kitchen that she always made sure to keep clear. Time travel was dangerous business, as you always ran the risk of appearing inside of something else that was occupying that space in the past. Keeping a space always clear helped to reduce that risk. Focusing her magic, Colgate concentrated on jumping back twenty minutes. That should give her plenty of time to go next door, ask Carrot for some milk and get back here to give the same advice to the next Colgate in line.

With a quick POP, Colgate vanished from the kitchen, hurled backwards into the nether. Colgate two just shrugged and took another sip of her coffee. Soon, she would have to do the same thing and head back into the bathroom to have a shower.



Colgate reappeared in exactly the same place in the kitchen. It was darker than it had been before, with the sun just starting to rise up over the horizon. The clock on the wall showed that it was indeed twenty minutes earlier, and Colgate could hear the sounds of the shower running in the bathroom. A quick peek into the bedroom showed a sleeping mare tangled up in the sheets. The alarm should have been going off right now, and Colgate could easily just go over and wake her sleeping past self up, but she knew better than to try and do that. It would destroy the chain of events and cause a paradox, and those things were generally more trouble than they were worth to clean up. There were questions to be answered and endless sheets of paperwork to fill out.

Instead she put the coffee pot on to boil and headed downstairs and out the front door to go see her neighbor. Carrot Top was always an early riser, so Colgate had no fear that she would be waking the mare up with her knocking. Sure enough, Carrot Top came to the door a few moments later on, bright eyed and alert.

“Oh, hey there, Colgate. You need something?” She asked. They borrowed little things from each other regularly, as good neighbours were wont to do, so it wasn’t odd for Colgate to be asking.

“Do you have any milk? Mine’s spoilt,” Colgate said, asking the question more out of courtesy, and to preserve the chain of events than anything else. She knew that Carrot Top had milk, or else her future self wouldn’t have directed her here.

“Sure do!” Carrot Top was far too chipper for the time of day. “Let me just go grab you some.” She vanished for a few moments, and Colgate looked around at her well kept garden. Carrot Top was an excellent gardener when she wasn’t working on her farm. Bright flowers were beginning to unfurl for the day as the rays of the sun tickled their petals.

Carrot returned to the front door, a jug of milk resting on her back. Colgate saw that it was the same jug that she had upstairs. Or will have upstairs in a few moments. She had long ago given up trying to keep her tenses straight when it came to time travel.

Carrot Top gave her the jug. “Here you go, hope it’s enough. Now, I’ve got to get ready to go to work; don’t make them scream too loudly.” She giggled a little at her own joke, and Colgate took the milk in her magic.

“Thanks, Carrot. I’ll give it back to you tonight, that alright?”

“Sure is. Seeya, Colgate. hope you have a good day,” Carrot was smiling like it was three hours later than it actually was.

“It’s going to be a long couple of minutes,” Colgate said, pressing a hoof to her head.

Carrot Top just smiled at that. Sometimes, Colgate said things that didn’t quite make sense, or mixed up her measurements for time. She was sure that Colgate really meant it would be a long couple of hours, or something similar.

Carrot closed the door, and Colgate returned upstairs to find that the coffee pot was almost boiling, so she took it off and poured herself a glorious cup of the nectar of the gods. Exactly which gods, she wasn’t sure of, as she knew that both Celestia and Luna favoured tea over coffee, but right now she didn’t care. All she knew was that she wanted it.

The first sip was nothing short of heavenly; tart and bitter, with just the right amount of kick to wake even the dead. Just the way Colgate liked it. With that first sip to tide her over, she pulled out a box of bran flakes from the cupboard and filled up a small bowl of them, pouring the remaining milk into the bowl and settling down to eat her breakfast.

The house remained fairly quiet for a while, except for a muffled conversation coming from the bathroom and the sounds of Carrot Top leaving to go to her farm outside. Colgate didn’t hear exactly what was said in the bathroom, but she knew that it would have been exactly the same thing she had said less than a half hour ago.

The sounds of hooves clopped into the room, and Colgate saw out of the corner of her eye another Colgate enter from the hallway. She looked up a little and pointed over to the coffee pot still bubbling away on its little heater.

“Two?” The standing past version of herself asked.

“Yep. Pot’s hot, but the milk’s off. Carrot Top has some, but she left for work five minutes ago.” She nudged the empty milk jug with a hoof.

Past Colgate walked over to the fridge and picked up the milk container. She sniffed it and wrinkled her nose in disgust before pouring the contents down the sink. Colgate watched as she sighed for a moment before walking over to the specially cleared space and teleported out with a POP.

Colgate finished up with her breakfast at a leisurely pace, before putting the dishes in the sink and walking over to the empty space herself. To give herself enough time, she aimed at jumping back an extra five minutes over what she had done the last time. That would give her enough time to get into the shower before her past self arrived to play out this loop.

Colgate arrived in the empty kitchen and made her way directly to the bathroom. It didn’t take her long to get the shower going to a good temp, and she stepped in, letting the heat wash away the dirt of the night from her fur. After a full body scrub, she turned off the shower and toweled herself down and picked up her slightly worn, but much loved toothbrush.

“Brushie, brushie!” she spoke to herself in a sing-song voice before getting to work on her pearly whites. A second brush started working on her tail, making sure that it split evenly along her color lines. Everypony commented that she looked like toothpaste, so she figured that she may as well really look the part.

She was about halfway done with her brush, and just about finished with her teeth when the door opened, and a very bedraggled looking younger self walked in, heading straight for the toilet.

“How many?” she heard herself ask.

“Three,” Colgate replied, leaning forward to spit into the basin.

“As bad as that?” past Colgate said, sitting down on the toilet. Colgate began to rinse off her brush, making sure that there wasn’t any caked on toothpaste that would remain.

As she saw past Colgate get up, she moved off to the side, letting her get access to the basin, just as the future version had done for her. Her past self looked like she was going to say something, but thought the better of it, choosing instead to just wipe her hooves off and walk out towards the kitchen. Colgate gave her a quick smile, knowing exactly what her past self was going to have to do to get her morning coffee.

The next few minutes were spent getting her mane into order, along with some flossing and a full rinse out with mouthwash. By the time that she was done, Colgate only had a few more minutes left to get downstairs and open the clinic. But that was ok, she had finished up on her morning prep, and it had only taken her two violations of the temporal sanctity act. All things considered, it could have been a lot worse.

Heading over to the stairs, Colgate looked around her empty apartment. Both of her previous duplicates had jumped back to their respective loops, which left her as the only Colgate now inhabiting this specific time period. Paradox averted.

She was just about to head down to the actual clinic when she heard the familiar POP noise of a temporal teleportation spell. She looked up to see herself, dressed out in her scrubs and face mask walking out of the kitchen.

“Forgot something,” her future self said as way of explanation.

Colgate sighed and made her way downstairs. She didn’t bother to ask exactly what it was that she would forget, as she knew that she wouldn’t get an answer from her future self. She was cryptic like that, and it annoyed her no end. Whatever it was, she would find out in a little while.

“Be you later,” she said, unlocking the door to her first patient of the day.

Author's Note:

This would have to be one of my most random stories to date. A story in which in the end, while there is plenty of activity, nothing actually happens.

While writing this story, I had twofold purpose. One, to show what would happen if a character knowledgeable about time travel was to meet themselves and Two, to take a fantastical power and make it mundane.

Most time travel stories - Back to the future, Dr. Who, Harry Potter, Heroes, etc make it very clear that meeting yourself is a very risky encounter, and something that must be done with the utmost care lest you risk a temporal paradox. Going back in time to warn yourself of a disaster in time to stop it would prevent the very chain of events that caused you to travel back in the first place. But if you never travelled back, then you never warned yourself, so the event did occur, which results in you travelling back to warn yourself, preventing it from happening, repeat ad infinitum. Even Twilight, after meeting her future self spent the next week freaking out before ending up repeating the very cycle of events onto her past self.

The one time I can think of where something different occurs is in the game Time Splitters: Future Perfect. In that, the player character, Cortez encounters himself on multiple occasions. The first time he encounters his future self, he's a little confused by it, but he quickly gets over it, eventually resulting in a climax scene where four Cortez's from different times are sharing the same space. As they all understand how the time travel mechanic works, they are able to resolve the situation without a paradox, meaning that the player has to play through the same sequence four times from different perspectives in order to preserve the sequence of events.

I wanted Colgate to be like that - knowledgeable about time travel to the point where it was nothing strange to find herself in the shower. She could extrapolate the sequence of events to the point that she knows what she is going to have done, knows that there is nothing she can do to change anything so don't bother trying. Just sit back and let it happen, because from your future self's perspective, it already has.

Comments ( 38 )

This is magnificent work. Hands down, the best time travel story I've read, even counting non-fimfic stories. I think you succeeded admirably in your two aims, and whilst you did make the fantastical power of time travel 'mundane', as you'd intended, the story was all the more fascinating for it.

5060791 Glad you liked it.

This. Is. Perfect.

I love Timey-Wimey Colgate. I mean, why does anyone consider her talent dentistry when there's this wonderful option?

I should probably write more Colgate stories...

This is really briliantly done, bravo!

It's like A Stallion for the Time Being, except incredibly mundane.

5060939

Why does anyone consider her talent dentistry when there's this wonderful option?

If Superman were ponified, would his cutie mark be the Kryptonian symbol for "hope" that we normally associate with him? Probably.

To compare: Superman / Clark Kent has a normal job working at the Daily Planet as a reporter, but his special talent is bringing hope to the people of earth. Colgate's special talent is time manipulation, but that isn't what pays her bills, or at least she has enough scruples to avoid misusing it for money. Plus she probably likes dentistry.

I liked the "average day in the life of..." style of this story. I mean, the Mane Six get slice of life stories all of the time, but their "superpowers" aren't their special talents. Plus when Discord has a mundane day, it's another "Discord is Bored" story. This is kind of along the lines of "Daring Do and the Trip to Market Basket (To Get a Loaf of Bread)," where we see Ahuizotl and Caballeron behind every aisle plotting Daring's demise, or even worse: taking the last Marble Rye!

Magnificent piece of work, it's beautifully done. The idea of time travel being use for mundane use is quite interesting. I especially like how Colgate just ask her future self "How many?" and doesn't even bother to change the past, just going along with the flow. Makes me wonder what would happen if she tried to wake her past self up? Surely she have tried such things before learning it to be impossible. Maybe a prequel about Colgate trying to change the past? That may make a good comedy story.

5060791 you mean hooves down.

This story is very well done! :moustache:

That was a perfectly done timeline. bravo.

Time travel in general confuses me. I have a love hate relationship with it. Still, this story was remarkably well written and quite enjoyable. Bravo.

5062327 I was wondering when someone - I mean, somepony - was going to say that! :rainbowlaugh:

Now I wonder how she discovered her special talent *imagines twenty filly Colgates doing their homework*. Probably that's why she ended up in the same school as Twilight – to learn how to control it.

Why didn't Colgate drink the coffee before she went back in time to get the milk? Why did she only have one open space, if she frequently has to go back multiple times? She might accidentally go back to the same time twice one of these days.

'Be you later.'
Oh God. That's perfect.

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

5065416 I'll think about it. I've tried submitting before, and got a very curt no for reasons that made no sense.

5064756 1. Doing so would have broken the chain of events and destabalised the timeline. 2. That does seem odd, but someone with a talent for time would probably keep track of when they were within a designated travel point.

5067111 If she originally grabbed the coffee before she got the milk, then it would be perfectly self-consistent. She just can't change it after she borrows the milk.

All it would do is have her drink the coffee at the end of 1, instead of the end of 2.

i bet you only chose the tags because of their color

5069669 Unfortunately, the Alt universe tag doesn't apply, or I'd have all three.

Carrot Top was an excellent gardiner when she wasn’t working on her farm.

gardener
___________

Decent fic I like how mundane you made the power, while still keeping it to a degree interesting.

Absolutely spectacular story you wrote. Now how in Equestria this got a downvote is beyond me. BTW, Colgate is one of my favorite ponies, which is what attracted me to this story to start with.

5073350 And it was doing so well, too.
A downvote is one thing, but give the reason.

5074404 I didn't down vote it. I gave it an upvote. What I wonder is why anypony would downvote this spectacular story.

After thinking about it for a bit, I realized that this story kind of has some dark, or at least depressing, undertones. If Colgate is constantly running into versions of her a few minutes into the future, then she'll always know what she's about to do, and apparently trying to do anything else just causes problems. In a way, she basically loses her free will. She has no choice but to carry out whatever decisions have already been made for her. This seems like the type of thing that could easily lead to depression, especially if she's constantly doing it. And judging by how mundane her use of her powers in this story is, I think she does.

Still an entertaining story though.

5074431 I wasn't saying that you were the one downvoting it. It was a general philosophic about how anyone who downvotes a story should have the guts to say why.

5074746 I agree with you on there. They should have to give a reason to downvote a story. Generally when I see a story that doesn't look appealing, I simply don't read it. Yours caught my interest and I am glad I read it because it is spectacular.

5074525
Now when I think about... What if she suddenly found her own body?

I seriously need to stop looking for fridge horror...

5087137 Then she would know that at some point she is going to die, which is not exactly news. Everyone dies eventually.
Remember she can time travel; it can be 200 years before tomorrow comes around. You can't escape fate, but you can delay it for a while if you know what you are doing.

5087946
Yeah, though still seeing it would be unsettling... But as I said, I shouldn't delve into it.

5074746

I didn't downvote this (I actually upvoted it), but:

Whenever I downvote a story and leave the reason for why in the comments, I'm always confronted with a lot of...hate I guess?
It feels like it's not the right word, but it's like...other people can't understand why my tastes and priorities might be different, or that the story might have something wrong going on in it, and when there's a chance to be angry they latch on to it.

On the flip side, it IS a downvote, so there is a bit of a justification there.

5096646 It's a sad fact of life that there will always be people who don't want to hear that they work isn't a masterpiece from the first keystroke, and so lash out at anything that isn't open praise.

I do want to hear the criticisms, the constructive ones at least. I'm not going to get any better if I don't get feedback about what I did wrong. Provided that it is presented in a calm and constructive way, and not just blind ranting that I'm shipping the wrong ponies together, then I'm not going to hold the downvote against a person.

In from City of Doors.

5074746 I take issue with this. There's nothing wrong with downvoting a story you just didn't like and moving on without a word. It's one thing not to like it – and that's your call, of course – but quite another to make unfounded, prescriptive statements about other people's behaviour. You're tarring people unjustly by framing it the way you did, and I object to that.

I see a lot of folks about treating a downvote like some mortal insult. It isn't. I leave plenty of 'em, and if I actually want to hurl insults at the author (I won't pretend there haven't been the very odd occasions) , they'll bloody well know it. Obviously I can't know your reasoning for speaking that way about downvoters, but my instincts suggest that you're taking it a little too seriously for your own good – like rather too many others.

That was a most excellent time travel story. This kind of travel is the best kind, since it avoids the paradoxes you mentioned. I also love taking extraordinary concepts like this and seeing them used for mundane things, because you know people would do that if they could. Awesome work.

Re-read this fic. I'm kinda sad that there isn't more fics like this with this character. It would've been fun to see explored.

One of the truly amazing things about this piece is that I can keep track of which Colgate is where. Very good job, very amusing little fic.

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