The Poisoned Barb

by ManlyDerp

EXTRA: Chapter ??: Machinations (April Fools)

Author's Note:

Howdy! This is a non-canon April Fools' Day chapter! As opposed to tricking people on this most silly of days, I instead like to expand my stories by creating surprising scenarios that would normally never happen! This year's one is mostly dedicated to my older readers on the site, who found me through other works, but I still wrote it for everyone and I plan to cater to everyone in the future ones! There's still a joke here too...

... The joke is that I'm going to get away with this public "masturbation" WITHOUT needing to add a Sex tag to this story afterwards

That having been said, please enjoy this surprise crossover event! Links are available at the bottom for those of you still confused afterwards, which will probably be quite a few

A journal lies before me, empty and devoid of life.

A quill rests in my claw, dry and devoid of ink.

A long night awaits me, calm and devoid of noise.

A still mind lies within me, at peace and...

... And unsure how to proceed.

With a grumble, I continue to stare at my journal as all its past chapters and passages mock me with their mere existence.

“Zzzzz…”

I look over to my right, and find Dusk Shine still sleeping soundly in his bed. He's none the wiser... But this, unfortunately, reminds me that if I want to write this chapter at all tonight now would be the chance.

I can’t bring myself to move my quill though.

“Come on, Barb,” I whisper to myself as my friend continues to snore. “Make up your mind already. Either write it or don’t.”

‘But it might mean nothing…’

“Maybe, but you can still write it down to get it out of your head, right?”

‘But what if it looks silly in here…?’

I end up snorting over this thought.

“Snort,” see? Told you. “Y-you mean at some point I wrote something dignified in this thing, brain?”

‘Heh, true,' my inner voice agrees. '...But still...’

“...”

‘...’

“... Sigh."

I let out a low sigh as I finally settle my mind.

“One ‘I had this weird dream once’ chapter isn’t going to jeopardize the integrity of this journal, Barb. I think we’ll be fine here writing it. This thing is a diary now anyways...”

‘... Sigh.’

With a mental release of air accompanying my physical one, my mind finally gets on board with the rest of me in this decision.

‘Fine fine,’ she... me... whatever relents in the face of my heart’s words. ‘I suppose ponies wouldn’t look at you too differently for writing about having a weird dream as opposed to, say, oh I don’t know... being an adult trapped in the body of a baby dragon who only stopped sucking on her claw recently...?’

“... S-shut up,” I retort with a blush.

‘Make me.’

“Wish I could, brain,” I groan, rubbing the tiredness out of my eye. “Would make this life a heck of a lot easier to deal with if you weren’t always yapping away at me.”

‘Hehe, yeah…

‘... At… a-at least we’re not as bad off as… you know.’

“...”

‘...’

Another sigh leaves my lips.

“Guess I really can’t ignore this,” I finally relent for real, taking up my quill in claw again and leaning over to dip it into my inkwell. “It’s only going to sit in my head like a rock if I leave it as is."

‘True...’

Scriblescrible

Hastily writing a title at the top of my flat piece of parchment, I sit back and consider the page for a time…

… Soon though the thoughts begin to form, and thus I begin to write.

‘I don’t take much stock in dreams…’ I internally dictate, allowing my mind to wander.

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I don’t take much stock in dreams. Despite Prince Solaris himself revealing to me that there are those out there with the power to manipulate them, I still don’t believe that dreams have a point or reason. My home planet of Earth was a vastly scientific-dominated place. Long ago did we use our research, machines, and good old observation skills to determine just what exactly a dream is.

Humans believe, and thusly do I still believe, that dreams are nothing more than our brain’s way of sorting out and ridding ourselves of completely nonessential ‘junk’ memories. It’s like a trash compactor in that sense, the fluidity and randomness of a dream can all be attributed to the imaginary act of our past thoughts and feelings being crushed and blended to create surreal experiences. Experiences that we, due to their very nature, can never truly hope to remember or understand.

That’s what I’ve always felt regarding dreams, at least.

Thusly then can you now imagine just how distraught I am in admitting that I just had a dream that was more than a simple illusion. Much more.

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Stopping, I consider my claw for a moment.

Its purple scales can barely be made out in the dim light of my candle. If not for my firsthand knowledge of what color it actually was, I don’t think I’d be able to identify my claw as being anything other than a dark shade of something right now…

… But during that dream…

“...”

… Scriblescriblescrible…

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Tonight I dreamt I had green scales, and a tail that ended in a fork.

I dreamt that my stomach was yellow and that I had a beautiful mane of red. Horns and spines of deep crimson rounded out the package, but what was attached to my back completed it. I had wings, large and powerful; with fingers of emerald and skin of sunflowers.

But, though I bared them, and was gifted with the entire sky as my domain, I was not free.

The scars along my wrists stood as a testament to this fact.

Cracks ran across the surface, cutting through the very scales. Flesh both green and raw greeted me when I looked down at them.

And along with them came the memories.

I saw flashes of chains and green lightning; of machines full of steam and stallions full of evil. Orange flames danced in my now teal eyes; my orange flames, I could recall, just as I could these eyes. Screams from times long since past ran rampant in my now internal ears as my mind was flooded with memories that were not my own. Memories of torture and pain and shed tears and loss. My mind was drowning in a literal cocktail of agony; death and soul-crushing despair replaced pacifism and hope in rapid succession. Futures were reaped, pasts were buried, monsters were revealed to exist in the shape of normal ponies.

It was too much for me to bear. It was too much for anyone to bear.

It was in realizing this that I felt no shame in collapsing to my knees, gripping my hair adorned head with these scarred claws of mine, and just screaming. The pain was too much; I saw every moment of sorrow, every second of loneliness, every instant of pain. This heart was ready to burst, I could feel. The anguish too great. I remember how the white cloak I was wearing dusted the empty ground beneath me as I shook. It was only then that I realized what I was wearing it, or that I was physically anywhere at all at the time.

After an entire other life settled itself into my brain, into my very soul, I can recall how I panted for breath as I gazed upon the empty white void I dwelled in and simply considered it. I tried to stand up again upon those unfamiliar legs, but the new body I was trapped in would not listen to me. My rationale at the time was that I was just too tired to do it.

"Tired," I thought back then. "From ponies using me for their own stupid greed, and tired of this whole stupid universe playing me like a fiddle." My thoughts carried me further down this dark path, causing honest anger to boil up within me. "It took Nate away from me," I remember growling. "Made him rightfully fear me, and to poor innocent Vinyl it…"

It was at this point that I realized that this wasn’t correct.

“Nate? Vinyl?” I had to, so confused was I, ask aloud; only to be greeted by a voice that wasn’t my own. I vividly remember that it wasn’t. Despite this, I didn't think it was strange at all within the dream. Nor did I, after a time, feel the same way as I uttered these two names again for myself. They were the names of a griffon and pony I had never met, yet knew without question who and what they were.

They were once my friends. Nothing more apparently needed to be said or explained. It was all so strange, I thought at the time. "How could I forget those so close to my heart?"

The answer became obvious a moment later, when my real heart took back control.

“Dusk!” I gasped as my true memories resurfaced. I gripped that body’s forehead as I did, the pain suddenly feeling all too real within this dreamscape. “Ashley, Nathaniel, Jason!” I shouted as well as I tried to fight through the fog that had ensnared my mind.

Human faces appeared in my heart as I uttered these names.

They were not humans I recognized.

My shaking intensified as the dream slowly became realer and realer, and as the borders between reality and fiction began to blur before me. I witnessed friendships being formed, joys being shared, and freedoms being granted, yet it all meant nothing and everything to me all at the same time. The whole of what I was was blending with another, and I was losing myself as a result.

“Barbara. Barbara,” I sobbed to myself, trying desperately to stay whole; trying desperately not to be swept away by the current that was this other dragon’s mind. This other human’s mind, I now knew with certainty.

It was then that I heard something.

A soft clicking sound.

Like clawed toes stepping over a marble floor.

I jumped to my feet as the noise reached my hearing; the body feeling more natural for me to control now. My wings held themselves out firmly and menacingly as I faced the source. I roared as well, the action feeling like the proper thing to do at the time.

This fury died instantly once I finally discovered my guest.

Another dragoness greeted me as I turned around to face her. One whose scales were magenta, and whose spines and fins were different shades of green. Her tail ended in a spike, and the purse draped across her midsection was as purple as it was frilly.

She was me.

My familiar eyes stared back at me as I let up my new pair’s glaring. They were the same green color as they ever were, but something was clearly different. They didn’t possess the same familiarity that they once held, instead appearing foreign to me. A moment later we both blinked, and it was in this instant that even their color changed. Now hers were teal in tone, and somehow I instinctively knew that mine had returned to green.

Then we blinked again, and I saw the shadow of who she used to be.

A young man stood where the baby dragoness once did; a young human with so much of his life yet to live. A family full of brothers stood beside him, all of whom looked towards him for strength. The features of these five boys escape me. All my mind can recall any more of them were simply shapes and feelings, nothing more.

Another blink and they were gone altogether. All that remained in their place was the tiny dragon from before.

She took a step towards me.

I fought hard not to take a step back.

As she approached me, her entire life replayed before me; her entire Equestrian life of pain and torture and heartache. Of losses and death and sorrow. Of fleeting happiness and constant despair. Gazing upon it, and feeling the rawness of the scars along her wrist, made me feel like a tiny thief; a thief that had stolen the last of what she was and all that she had left in this world to her name. Tears began to tarnish the face I wore as I turned away, unable to face her. How could I? I had lost so much, but never was I punished as harshly. Never did I experience such horrible and pure agony. Comparing her life to mine, how could I even think to do such a thing? To disrespect her so?

I had no right, I ultimately decided as she drew ever closer. No right at all.

This was how I felt as I closed my eyes and listened carefully to the clicking of her toes.

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I look down at what I had just written…

… And then I smile.

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You can imagine the great surprise I experienced when the clicking finally stopped and the very next thing I felt wasn’t a slap or flames or any other form of retaliation.

Instead, I felt a tight hug.

“Hang in there, Barb.”

My eyes shot open as my name was softly spoken to me in a voice I had greatly grown accustomed to hearing. My own. Purple scaled arms were wrapped around me as well, I discovered, providing all the evidence I needed to discern who the culprit was. Turning my head, whipping this long mane over my shoulders, earned me the sight of my body, worn by another, lovingly holding me within a gentle embrace. I watched this event for a moment longer before the proper response came to me.

Said response was to start crying again in earnest.

It was obvious why in hindsight, now that I have access to my mind again. So obvious, yet for a second I had fallen victim to my emotions and was unable to see it. I had witnessed the entirety of her being. I experienced her dreams, her goals, and her hardships. I interpreted them as harder and crueler than my own, and because of this I felt like I was wrongfully stealing from her.

I had not considered though, as she wore my scales, that the same could be said of her.

She had witnessed my own trials. She had bared witness to my tale just as I had hers. She had been granted the same opportunity as me; to compare her life against another’s and to draw up a conclusion based on what she saw. This conclusion was plain to see for me now, now that I had walked a mile in her scales. It shouldn’t have taken until that hug for me to realize it.

She had compared her experiences to my own.

And, in the end, she had felt that I had lost more.

That was just the kind of girl she was.

The tears ran hot down her cheeks as I continued to sniffle, grateful beyond words to have finally found someone to share my pain with. One who understood what I had gone through, and one who understood the sorrow that comes with it. I soon returned the hug, not daring to let go. I didn’t want to let go. I didn’t want this dream to end. I didn’t want either of us to be left alone again once it was over and finished.

But I knew that this was an impossible thing to ask.

A miracle, only a miracle could keep us here, just as a miracle had brought us together.

In understanding this, I ended up weeping even harder as she did as well. Our bodies shook in our embrace as the dread of it washed over us both. Soon the dream would end and we’d both be left wondering whether it had happened at all. This tiny respite will disappear from our memories in time as well as our struggles consume us once again.

There was nothing we could do to change this fate; to change our fate.

A sound suddenly emanated in the air, not unlike an egg being cracked.

The pure white dreamscape we had been trapped in was beginning to disappear in the distance. Not long would it take to reach us and not long would it take for the connection to collapse completely.

So then, as the world around us was about to once again disappear and leave us to continue living our own lives, I leaned forward and set my head gently atop the girl's shoulder. As I lay there, tightening my hold on the poor dear one final time, showing her that I cared for her as well, I whispered back to the dragon in a voice that wasn’t my own

“You as well, Cog. Stay strong.”

A tear-filled smile graced Cogwill's borrowed lips as my double looked up at me and simply nodded.

And then the dream ended for us both.

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‘... I don’t take much stock in dreams,’ I repeat in my mind as my quill kept on writing. I stop for a moment afterward, though, to turn my head to the side and to look outwards through the window at the starry sky above. As I gaze up at the thousands upon thousands of lights overhead, and watch as one quietly races through the night, I find myself thinking...

"... but maybe I should have a little faith."

---

Get the "masturbation" joke in the Author's Note now?

This Crossover was brought to you by my oldest work on this site, A Cog in the Machine! Though currently going through a rewrite, check back with it to discover Cogwill's tale!

To read this chapter again from Cog's point of view, without having to read through her story completely, click this link to be taken directly to that story's April Fools chapter! Enjoy!

Comments

[Asheram]

Not Quite an Aprils fools, but not quite canon either? Anyhow, I applaud both stories and now I find have to go read about Cog as well.

[Pickleless]

Huh.
Guess I have another story to read.

[wlam]

5812513
Well, can't blame you for other people's bad taste, I suppose. It was just friendly ribbing, anyway. I think I like this so far.

Don't be insulted if I start bitching about your spelling while reading this in the future, though. I can only read "one in the same" so many times before my inner grammar Nazi starts crying.

[ManlyDerp]

5813721
Do keep in mind it last updated two years ago and is VERY choppy grammar-wise. I'm currently writing it in the hopes to update it again during season five... rewriting all 2000 pages...

[ManlyDerp]

5814122
*Fixed* You go right ahead and point those out whenever you see it. A lot of time my own inexperience is what causes junk like that to happen... other times it's because each and every one of these chapters were written within a WEEK of each other, including the one that's 14K long. Some mistakes were bound to happen.

If you think THAT'S bad, I just spent all of yesterday switching the tenses from past to present... Yeah I screwed up that badly at one point. It's mostly fixed now, but still

[wlam]

5814344
Alright, will do. Damn but you'd kick the NaNoWriMo's butt with that kind of output. Really shows itself in the sloppy editing, though.

[ManlyDerp]

5814686
Said "sloppy editing" is what takes up the majority of my time with this. 14k? One day. Editing 14k? A solid week of work... plus an extra day to go back to it BECAUSE I WROTE IN THE PAST TENSE
Again, my inexperience is what the major problem is. I'm always improving myself though, so hopefully I'll be better at the end of this self imposed challenge. Wish me luck!

[wlam]

5814756
Attention to detail is sadly not something that comes with work experience, if I'm any example. It is something you can learn, though.

[Nameless cow]

5878559
I know how to shit, I just forgot to gender-swap me some bananas
Say.... Do you, mmmm, like bananas?

[Xarsor]

5895158 Okay.

[Xarsor]

5879426 I prefer apples.

[Mewaponny]

5898291

[Sweetblue]

Awesome work, you would deserve a hug but cant administer it. ManlyDerp give yourself a hug right now, 'tis from me.

[ManlyDerp]

6226221
Salutes* Thy will be done.

[ssokolow]

I was once a woman in her twilight

Now I am Barbara The Dragoness.

Barbara the widower.

I haven't started the story proper yet but, given that a "widower" is a man who lost his spouse, I think you meant "widow" in the story summary.

[Starlight Nova]

8612903
Don't you hate it when the author doesn't listen to you?

[DarkPinkie]

9113090
Hey, I kind of stopped caring for anything MLP related for like 3 years. I just recently gotten back to reading fanfics and I found your yesterday. Sorry bro (sis?), but I kind of didn't see yours until then. Still like the concept though.

[TheGreatSako]

9370627
Me throughout this:

"No! Goddamnit! This fucker (Solaris) has to be doing this on purpose! This is his MO!"

"Yes! Yell at him! Act on impulse! Tell him! Get this shit off your chest!"

"Something 'clicks'? Could it be? Come on! You have to realize how having nobody to share your secret with is toxic as fuck to you!"

"Oh?! 'try to do the same'? Reveal the close, personal truth that eats at you day in day out? Find solace in this soul-crushing loneliness? Come on! Do ittttt!"

"Wait, what? His brother?! That's not- Gaaaaaahhhhh!!"

"Augh. Great. She's cooled off. There's no way to get her to spill her guts now..."

"W-what? Her 'other' secret? Does he?... But he... Why did he... Motherfucker!"

"And he left... And she's still alone. And we're left with that. Solaris, I wanna punch you in the balls. Barb, I wanna shake you and slap you."

It's like a bad case of blueballs, but I can't fix it myself. And you wrote it so well that I am angry at the characters, not the author. Congratulations, you made them that real to me. I hate you.

[ManlyDerp]

9370661
I unironically thank you for your kind words! Being able to despise the characters themselves for their own actions means that I did my job right in my mind!

Yay!

[Ephedianroyalty]

Wait wait wait, i dont remember this chapter in cog’s story.

[ManlyDerp]

9419574
It was never posted, as at the time I didn't want a dormant fic that had been on hiatus for a number of years to suddenly update with a non-canon April Fools chapter... I thought that it would be too cruel XD

[Aether Spark]

10083396
This part
---
Why is Spike a slave?

Why is that a show thats main basis is about freindship support slavery?

Why doesn't Spike rise up?

Because, he has no childhood

His birth was an accident

He was basically sold into slavery once born

He was forced into a destiny he did not choose to make another's life easier

He is a tool

[RustDust]

10114967
Didn't mean to play "annoying editor" again.
So are you gonna retcon/correct that along with the "glare" thing or just roll with it?

And I guess that makes sense for Solaris, I just can't help but be skeptical of everything he does. But even so I get the feeling he gave the option to her knowing she wouldn't choose it. Afterall, I doubt the families looking to adopt expected or wanted a baby dragon, so they would likely reject her. Plus the way Solaris laughed just seems off. Why would he be happy she chose the option that should cause her the most harm? Unless he was glad she chose it or that the choice proved Barb is more than she lets on. I used to want Barb to let Solaris know she had a past life, but now I'm glad she's kept that part of her a secret from him.

[ManlyDerp]

10115761
Hey I don't mind the editing bit! Pointing stuff like that out is SUPER important, especially in an ongoing fic that's five years old! There's probably plenty of stuff that's slipped my mind, even with the amount of notes I take.

I'll certainly be casually editing the Mr. and Mrs. Swirl out of the story, since Cakes works better. Sunset will still be Sunset 'Glare' Blaze, as I feel that it's important to keep major character names consistent and obvious. I'll probably make a silly reference to the silly mistake once we eventually reach Equestria Girls... in like three years.

As for Solaris... feeling skeptical of him and his actions is a perfectly normal and rational reaction. He's as much of a force as he is a character; a Chaotic Good who leans more into the "Goodness Before Freedom" side of the architect that's usually reserved for The Unfettered, of which he has some light shades of. We've seen him have moments of levity and goofiness, which invokes certain shades of Dusk's own dorkiness... But, at the same time, we KNOW what Solaris is capable of, and how much he could potentially be withholding in order to lead everypony to their rightful future. He may know everything or he may know nothing; he can either be the smartest in the room or the most clueless at a moment's notice, and he's seemingly baring an unspeakable burden... or he's lying for the sake of moving his pawns into place.

He is Prince Solaris; master of the poker face, Dusk's prime role model, Celestia's not-so carbon copy/PERFECT copy...

... and the "friend" Barbara fears the most.

[RustDust]

10116006
Equestria Girls... Jeez. I can only imagine the frustration/humiliation/indignation Barb will feel for becoming a dog in a world with humans.

[Aether Spark]

10221289
I could imagine it now

Even if it doesn't happen, I imagine her being happy to be among humans but annoyed that she's stuck a dog.

[KennedieT]

10320132
..... .... Aight, Imma head out. And think.

[Pensive]

10598468
That sounds... just lovely...! Imagine Solaris trying to figure out how humans made it to the moon without magic.

[fanreader999999]

2014