Chapter 9: ... {RE-EDITED}
“... He cried in my arms…"
"Don’t think about it"
“He let me cry in his…”
"Don’t think about it."
“He said that it didn’t matter what I was…”
"Don’t think..."
“He said that he was my friend…”
"Don’t-"
...
...
“...SOLARIS CAN SUCK MY MULTIVERSE COUNTERPART’S DRACONIC BALLSACK!!”
"... Screw it. RELEASE THE RAGE, GIRL!!"
Will do, brain!
Will, flipping, do.
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” I roar into the emptiness of Dusk’s Canterlot library, my cry accompanied by a healthy pillar of emerald dragonfire. Next, I crash face-first into my basket’s pillow and produce another, albeit less fiery, scream into its fluffy embrace. Growling loudly, I then yank my head upwards and begin to viciously assault the feathery object with my curled-up fists of fury. My hidden journal underneath it makes blunt ‘thunk’ sounds as I punch it, but I soundly ignore them. “AAAAAAHHHH!! I hate!”
WHACK!
“Hate!”
WHACK!
“Hate!”
WHACK!
“Hate!”
WHACK!
“Hate that frustrating pony! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!”
WHACK!
… This…
WHACK!
… This is incredibly cathartic.
WHACK!
I could do this all day.
WHACK!
No wonder Ash did this sort of thing often.
WHACK!
I remember when she used to do this all the time.
WHACK!
Years ago.
WHACK!
Back when she was… was...
WHA-
… an emotional… teenager…
...
"… Good God, how far has this place regressed me?"
Though it takes significant effort I pull myself away from the now nearly ruined pillow, and pant loudly, as I place my tired head upon it; actually using it properly this time. I look up at the ceiling overhead as I do, the one Dusk had enchanted ages ago to depict a starry night's sky, and stare deeply into its perceived massive scape.
As I lay here, gasping for air and gazing at stars, I force my mind to put itself back together.
"I’m not going to accomplish anything by acting like a child… No matter how tempting the offer is..."
Part of me wants to berate myself for my behavior like a proper mother would; I don’t have parents in this life, so someone has to fill the role... The other half of me is too angry and frustrated to care right now though. This is the half that's currently fighting tooth and nail to see ‘kid’ Barb usurp ‘adult’ Barb from the brain throne.
Frankly, I’m rooting for the kid in me to win that fight.
That fact scares me deeply.
“Huff… Huff… C-can you see me, Jason?” I sob softly to myself in the silence, ignoring the frog that had suddenly entered my throat. “Can you see how far your wife has fallen? S-she’s been reduced to nothing more than a tiny brat who throws temper tantrums… What would you say about such a thing, my love, if you were still here by my side?”
...
... Sniff…
"... Inhale exhale, Barbara. Inhale, exhale..."
Sigh… Inhale… Exhale… Alright. Alright… Alright. Better. Let’s… let’s think this through.
Sooooo... Solaris knows that something unusual is up with me. Okay... Knowing him, he probably knew the entire freaking meeting. Yeah... Everything, literally everything that we talked about, from being a Seer to being odd to even his brother’s return; all of that could have simply been him playing mind games with me. The entire thing, word for word... Heck, I now know that he can see the future! He could have already lived this conversation decades ago!
… I’M NOT BEING PARANOID!!
“Ugh. Think logically here, Barb,” I have to remind myself. I fear another wave of melancholy is about to take me unless I can straighten myself out right here and now. “You shocked him, remember. You shocked him! Remember what his face looked like when you did that! It was clearly the face of a frightened horse. He didn’t know that Lun-,er, Artemis was going to be saved today; he didn’t have the slightest clue. See? He can’t see everything! He’s not omnipotent! You probably made him happy by sharing that information with him…”
… Then why did he still mess with my mind like that?
“Bleh,” I groan. “Birds of a feather flock together,” I sarcastically repeat in the empty bedroom, sitting up as I did. “Maybe he had a vision of me saying it or something... Darn it all, maybe he even saw it during our conversation!”
Now that’s a frightening prospect.
…
… I’m still incredibly pissed-off right now.
“If he knew he should have told me,” I growl aloud. “If he didn’t he shouldn’t have shared. Now my mind is full of fluff... Ugh!” I then raise my voice, making it sound nasally and mocking. “Oh I shouldn’t be angry with him! He’s still a good pony! He’s my fwend~! BLEH! Hate…”
Covering my eyes with my claws, I lean back and begin to fall onto my pillow. “And now I’m jumping back onto the hate train... I need to sort myself out here before I do something stupi-”
Whack
Surprised by a sound, I blink as the back of my head makes contact with a rough 'thud' in my lazy freefall. Though I remain motionless for a brief second longer, I soon sit up and throw my pillow aside.
My journal greets me.
“...”
My lips slowly curl into a wicked grin.
“That’ll do.”
Grabbing the book in my arms, I hurriedly dash over to the desk next to Dusk’s bed and quickly open it to its final page. Rummaging around a bit in my purse, which I had thrown aside earlier in my haste to enjoy a slice of teenage angst, I soon yank out chapters seven and eight from beneath the napkin full of gems and just as quickly insert them into the journal after chapter six. A bit of a rushed job, true, but the deed was done regardless. Turning to a blank page, I next acquire a quill and speedily scribble ‘Chapter 9: Masks’ at the top. An appropriate title, I feel.
“Time to let off some steam,” I giggle to myself, not unlike a little girl about to get away with a naughty act...
… The irony of that last statement isn’t lost on me, I assure you.
“Anyways… From being sent to the Bluebelles' estate to living in it; let’s now talk about how I escaped it.”
The feathery quill in my scaly grip proceeds to dance across the parchment’s surface.
“It all started with three little words,” I start, dictating aloud what I was writing. “Three words which changed the course of my life. They told the Prince everything that he needed to know about his own folly, and they granted me the freedom to be happy again within this childhood. These words, in their entirety, were
“not,
“a…
“... a,
“a...
“...”
My claw stops moving, a thought having crossed my mind.
I stare at the paper for a moment longer, as the words stew in my brain, before daring to speak up again.
“... Do… do I really want to write this?” I eventually ask.
"It’s what he deserves," I was quick to remind myself.
“But anypony reading this is going to think poorly of him…” I argue.
"It’s what he deserves."
“... Nopony is going to read this for a very, very long time,” I attempted to justify. “true…”
"It’s what he deserves!"
“But…”
"It’s what-"
“I-I still don’t want to do that to him,” I finally settle, setting the quill down completely. My heart was victorious in the end. “He is my friend still.”
My mind didn’t like this answer one bit.
"Like hell he is, Barbara!"
“Well then what else is he?!” I snap back at… myself.
"A treacherous, scheming, lying, horse!" I reply, further highlighting how conflicted I am.
“But-” I try to object.
My mind refuses to listen, choosing instead to ignore me. "One who bounces back and forth between being friendly and being a flipping troll at his own convenience!"
“But I said-”
"That he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way?" I cut myself off, not allowing my mouth to get a word in. "Barb Barb Barbie; you didn’t deserve to be treated that way either!" I argue. "Not before, not now, not ever. What kind of 'friend' does the kinds of things that the Prince just did, that he keeps on doing? What kind of friend hurts and lies those closeest to him? What kind of friend is Solaris at all?!
"This just proves that he’s no different from the day you yelled at him two years ago!"
“...”
I… can’t refute that. I can’t refute it at all... so I instead look back down at my journal and pounder.
“... Two years ago…” I mumble to myself, deep in thought.
...
… Inhale… Exhale… Upon exhaling, I decide that I had enough with being manipulated by my emotions today. Tonight? Maybe. Tomorrow? Definitely. Right now?
Right now I give my book one last look before closing my eyes and willing them to stay closed.
Cut off from the world around me, and with my poisonous thoughts no longer barking for my attention, I find myself finally at peace. In this peace, I force my mind to escape the ‘now’ and instead wander backwards through time
Backwards...
… to that day from long ago.
~Two Years Earlier~
...
… A younger body awaited me when I opened my eyes again; the youthful body of a five-year-old. My claws were not as thin back then, nor my fins as long or my stomach as pudgy; my time in the Bluebelles' ‘care’ had stricken me of my baby fat. As an aside, my time later with Dusk granted me the opportunity to regain it. An offer I took up greedily, I recall.
Resuming, I'm wearing a simple dress at this time. One of whites, yellows, and blues. These are the colors of the Bluebelle Household that currently own me and thus I must wear them. My spiked tail, though not as long two years ago as it is today, is still capable of lifting the back of the skirt embarrassingly upwards. I had attempted to lower the appendage to retain my dignity, but after two years of trying I had altogether given up.
What I had not given up on though was the idea of returning to Dusk Shine, the only pony in this world who I cared about; who could grant me my much sought-after happiness.
Today we would be reunited. I could feel it in my scales.
“Move along now,” commands my ‘guardian’, Madame Red, from beside me; ordering me to continue down the hall. I had unintentionally stopped to better look at my surroundings. It’d had been a while since I was last in Canterlot Castle, not since my hatchling years, so I had started slowing down to try to piece my memory of the place back together; trying to remember where everything was out of paranoid preparation. Preparation for what? Not sure now, wasn’t sure back then... Didn’t hurt though.
Abandoning this goal, and allowing myself to become fully synced with past me’s own thoughts and feelings, I reluctantly follow the unicorn’s order without comment. Long ago did I learn not to anger this crimson taskmaster, for she held the power to dictate my sleeping and eating hours. A terrible ability indeed, especially when wielded against a growing child such as myself.
Thusly then did I step in line beside her and fight hard to keep up with the giant gait of a pony. I'm not allowed to take the easy path out by riding on her back. I'm not allowed to ride anypony’s back, period. Not even Dusk’s if I ever saw him again, despite him having always offered such a thing to me in the past. It wasn’t proper, I’d been told. Not proper at all for a pony, unicorn specifically, to carry anything other than a foal. As a result, I needed to learn how to pick up my pace, even now whilst in an uncomfortable dress.
“Halt!” suddenly barks one of the two guardmares standing watch over a pair of massive bedchamber doors. “State your names and purpose here,” she demands as we drew closer to her and her silent partner on the other end.
“Madame Rum ‘Red’ Gibed,” replies the kitty-face-on-a-plate cutie mark bearing mare that had dragged me here today. “House Bluebelle's Quartermaster, Personal Tutor of Princess Bluebelle. I’m here to have the Prince evaluate House Bluebelle’s performance thus far in educating Apprentice Dusk Shine’s dragon familiar.”
The guard spares me a look.
In my little children’s dress, with my combed scales and forcefully applied makeup, I'm a pretty dragon. There was no denying that. Why one would be hard-pressed to find even a single tear stain left upon my cheeks from last night’s tests and trials. I curtsy to the guardmare, knowing full well that I would be punished by Red if I didn’t. "This must be what those children in those horrible beauty pageants feel like," I muse to my five-year-old self. "Poor things..."
For a brief second, the guard cringes at the sight.
I blink at this but say nothing. "I shouldn’t get my hopes up there," I had to remind myself as, even if she did see through this carefully applied mask of normalcy, there isn't much she can actually do in the end. She's just a lowly royal guard, after all; only royalty can command them.
I suppose it's the thought that counts though.
“You’re… clear to go then,” the white, golden armored pony says after a time, having read through the letter Madame Red procured for her.
“Ah,” notes the Quartermaster neutrally, stowing the letter away into her saddlebags. “Thank you. I wish you and your partner luck on the upcoming rank positional exams.”
Though she pauses, the disciplined guardmare soon resumes her on-guard position. “Thank you, ma’am,” she speaks while her partner remains as still as a statue. “The Prince will see you two now.”
Madame Red says nothing more, instead choosing to give a single nod of acknowledgment. She then whips her head back towards me, causing her pure crimson mane to slide over her withers. “Come,” she orders.
I obey, crossing the threshold into the room. The white guardmare watches me as I pass her by; her blue eyes full of what appears to be... concern?
SLAM!
I was not granted the chance to check. With the aid of two magical auras, one yellow and the other pink, the doors to the bedchamber were promptly shut behind us.
“Ah, Madam Gibed,” abruptly speaks a deep voice from further within the room, surprising me with its familiarity. “A pleasure to see you again.”
“Please, just ‘Misses Red’ is fine, your Majesty.”
I whip my head forward.
There he is, sitting at a tea table; Prince Solaris of Equestria.
The sole pure alicorn of the land; he who wields the strongest magic, who moves the sun and moon. Who rules over ponies young and old, who has lived for thousands of years. The one whose name is synonymous with ‘god’ in this world, who sees all that happens within his domain. One could even, despite it being untrue, refer to him as the father of all ponies.
"And," I rumble angrily to myself, fists clenched. "The one who took me away from the only pony who cared about me in this world. Who took Dusk away from me..."
“Ah yes, of course,” replies the red-bearded stallion easily, a smile forming on his lips. Said smile is aimed directly at Madame Red and no one else.
I'm being ignored.
"Wouldn’t be the first time," I thought bitterly, remembering how this meeting had been pushed off for an entire year before.
For his next act, Solaris gestures to the one open chair available by his tea table with the wave of his hoof. “Come come. Let me assess the progress.”
“Certainly,” speaks the unicorn that had once been right beside me, trotting over to take her seat. As she does, I'm left all alone by the doorway, unsure where to go. Being ignored completely by both ponies, I'm left standing here; doomed to look stupid.
“Allow me to read the statistical reports,” is the first thing the alicorn asks for, pouring a cup of tea for his guest. The tutor obliges without question as she takes the scrolls out of her bag with the aid of red magic. Taking them into his own golden field, he then brings the parchments to his face and quickly scans their contents. “Hmmm,” he hums, taking a small sip of his own cup as he simultaneously levitates Madame Red’s to her. As if I needed a reminder that magic was useful beyond compare. It makes me wonder why he’d think Dusk would need an assistant at all!
“Magic ethics was the last field covered?” asks the Prince.
“Yes,” replies the Quartermaster with a nod, accepting her teacup.
“And advanced mathematics is next?”
“Yes,” she repeats, sipping the brew. Her neutral expression remains even as she sets the cup back on its saucer with her magic. Whether she actually liked the tea I neither knew nor cared.
“Hmmm…” Solaris muses, continuing to silently read through the scrolls.
I, meanwhile, remain in the entryway, desperately trying to sort my mind out on my next course of action.
"I’m here… I’m finally here," I mentally jitter nervously. "I have an audience with the Prince; I can finally speak my mind… But how to go about it…?"
I need to tell him that I hate that home, I need to tell him that I don’t want to be there anymore. On the surface it’s simple enough, but it doesn’t stay that way when you take into consideration that I was forced into this kind of life by his own orders. Prince Solaris was the one who wanted me to become Dusk’s assistant regardless of my own feelings on the subject. I was only three years old when I last saw him. I didn’t have the ability to use Equestrian well enough to thoroughly express my dislike for his plan, and Dusk was too young to express his own thoughts towards his teacher yet. I didn’t get the chance last year either... but maybe that was a blessing in disguise. I can actually talk now unlike back then!
… Granted I can only talk at a level befitting a real five-year-old right now… but by God it’s better than nothing!
So then, how to go about this…? How is Solaris usually described as being?
… What was Celestia like from that old cartoon, now that I think about it? Despite the different colored mane, Prince Solaris’ coat and cutie mark lead me to believe that they are the same just like how Dusk is Twilight or how I am this dimension’s Spike; a fact that I’m still trying to sort my mind out over. Using that train of thought though, Princess Celestia seemed kind and caring, if a little bit tricky, from what I can remember. Perhaps Solaris is the same way…
If that’s the case then this should hopefully be easy.
All I have to do is speak honestly.
“She can lift how much?” the Prince suddenly inquires, his surprise catching me by… er… surprise.
“I’m aware that’s below the expected percentage,” nods Madame Red in a tone that I had come to associate as her entering business mode. “While higher than the average produced by non-earth pony foals, it’s still unacceptable. We’ll be upping the physical side of her training in the coming years, your highness.”
“I see,” speaks the stallion, as his eyes resume scanning the floating parchment. “What would that entitle?” he questions passively, his attention still fully dominated by what he's reading.
The Quartermaster shrugs.
“A twenty-five percent decrease in nonessential activity time, most likely.”
… Non... n-nonessential?! T-that translates into sleeping hours! Surely the Prince is going to ask about this, rig-
“Ah. Carry on then.”
… I have never hated a horse more than I do right now.
Combined with the fact that he still hasn’t acknowledged my existence yet… Okay, I’m putting a stop to all this right now.
“Now then, how are her culinary ski-”
“I don’t like it there.”
Solaris and Madame Red simply blink at this. Both becoming silent, the two soon turn to look at me for this interruption. Solaris’ face remains neutral as he does while Red’s… well it was neutral as well, but only in a hidden way. On the surface she's indifferent and uncaring.
On the inside, she's sending me death threats by the truckload.
Her eyes reveal this to me. If I didn’t shut up right this instant there are going to be consequences, of this I am most certain. Her reputation with the Bluebelles means everything to her, much more than my life or my well-being. I'm not going to remain safe in her ‘care’ any longer after today.
But that's a risk I'm willing to take if it means being free.
“Child,” the alicorn finally addresses me, though his words are slow and deliberate. He's clearly using his ‘I’m talking to a foal’ voice on me right now, which was not too unlike how I used to talk to similarly young children back on Earth. In realizing this, I had to quickly fight down the urge to get angry by the indignity; even the Bluebelles and Madame Red talk to me normally! “I’m sorry for not saying hello, but this is adult talking time now.” Deep breaths, Barb. Deep breaths. “We’ll get to speak another time when I'm not as busy, okay?”
“I don’t like it there,” I repeat, not trusting my Ponish enough to properly articulate my words. Despite my years here, Ponish is still hard for me to use. I haven’t received any speech training yet which could help lower this barrier for me. The Bluebelles didn't believe that such a thing was necessary yet at my young age. In my five years here I have learned how to read the language perfectly, and how to understand it when it's spoken, but it's not often that I'm granted the opportunity to practice speaking it by myself. I'm often yelled at for talking in that house, sadly, as it's considered noise to their ears. Obviously I fought tooth and nail over this poor treatment at every opportunity at first; a child should be allowed to speak, after all…
... But… well…
… even a rebellious dog will stop peeing on the rug after you hit it with a newspaper enough times…
“... I hate it there.”
Solaris smiles warmly at me after I admit this, the sight of it catching me off guard.
“You only hate it now, dear,” he chimes, which flabbergasts me. “You’ll appreciate it more when you’re older. Think though, don’t you like getting to read books? Or wear pretty dresses like that one? You only get to do such fun things with them!”
"... yet his weapons of choice are deceitfulness..."
My response is to growl deeply before again repeating “I hate it there.” Though I want my words to be laced with my inner anger, my voice betrays me deeply; it's still the high-pitched whine of a little girl. It's only through sheer willpower that I manage to not increase the volume of said whine. Screaming at the top of my lungs isn’t going to get my point across. It didn’t help me when I was a toddler and it won’t help me now.
The Prince chuckles… He… he chuckled?!
“Haha, isn’t that just typical, Misses Red?” he asks the unicorn sitting across from him, taking his eyes off me. “A foal who doesn’t like school! I guess dragons aren’t that different from ponies after all, hmm?”
Momentarily halting her neutral/pissed-off-beyond-belief glaring, the crimson pony adjusts her wide frame glasses briefly and draws her attention back towards the Prince. “Ah. Yes, your Majesty. Shockingly pony.”
“Hmm. Indeed.”
I feel my hatred for this stallion starting to warm up within me.
"He’s not taking me seriously!" I scream in my head. “I don’t want to be there anymore,” I declare as clearly as I can, even as my inner rage starts to boil. “I want Dusk Shine.”
Again the Prince laughs.
“My dear,” he answers, looking down at me again. “You can’t have Dusk; he’s his own pony! Silly child, you can’t hoard ponies, and it’s dangerous to do so… For both you and him.”
I pause momentarily at this. What little equestrian knowledge I have of dragons and their hoards is resurfacing, but with the shake of my head I disregard it.
"... misdirection..."
“I want… to be… with Dusk,” I speak slowly, doing my damndest to pronounce every syllable correctly. He’s not going to ignore me; he’s not going to sweep me under the rug! “He… hatched me… Family…”
For the third time, the Prince laughs.
“You’re remembering it wrong, child,” he tells me in what I can only assume was supposed to be ‘good cheer’. His words surprise me. “Dusk didn’t hatch you…”
He then grins softly.
“I did.”
"… straight up lying..."
It takes all of my inner strength to not breathe dragonfire right into that stupid smile of his. “It was me who hatched you, dear, not little Dusk,” he elaborates, perhaps trying to get me to feel a sort of attachment towards him so I’d listen better. Good, freaking, luck. “I can’t take care of you though, as I’m far too busy, so your time with the Bluebelles is just my way of making sure that you’re getting all the benefits a normal pony would have. They’re also being very nice by giving you the skills to help ponies out when you’re older! Don’t you want to help ponies, dear child? Ponies like your friend Dusk Shine?”
“I,” I growl quite audibly at this, though if anyone in this room actually heard they didn’t show it. “Want… Dusk… now.” Damn it all I still remember that show! In bits and pieces, but I remember! I’m supposed to be with him within the coming years and not a moment later! My life, my happiness, depends on being by his side before that stupid cartoon starts. Anywhere else and… and… N-nevermind. Not important right now… Not like this conversation. Come on you stupid stallion; listen to me!
The alicorn shakes his head.
“Later, dear,” he answers, his smile never weaning. “When you’re older you can help him all you want.”
“I want him now,” I spit back. I won’t be denied.
Solaris chuckles to himself at this. “But you can’t help him now, dear; you haven’t finished your training yet!” he finishes with a laugh, foolishly thinking we're done.
“Dusk is kind,” I state plainly, fighting hard to not scream. He’s the only pony who's ever been kind to me; at least see that you damn mutant equine!
“Hoho!” chortles the oversized pony once again, gesturing his head back towards the mare at the table. “And Misses Red here isn’t?” he asks me with that same stupid smile.
“No,” I snap without hesitation.
Madame Red shoots me a hateful snarl for this, but her expression quickly switches back to its default neutrality the moment the Prince turns to look at her. He then turns back to me, no longer smiling.
“Now that wasn’t very nice, young lady,” Solaris tries to scold me, his face holding a little frown. “She has done everything she can to make you into what you are today.” With his voice becoming the textbook definition of mocking to my ears, the alicorn leans himself closer to the ground from his chair and speaks to me as if I was less than a child. “Who was it who taught your ABCs, Hmm? Or how to count to ten?”
“Dusk!” I answer with a damn near roar; my cheeks now bright red with both frustration… and embarrassment. It was partially true, actually. It was Dusk who helped me with the basics of the Ponish language years ago when he, indeed, taught me my ABCs and one two threes… among other things.
Meanwhile, Prince Solaris is still blinking over my response.
“... Really now?” he eventually asks, scratching his autumn red beard as he does. Under his breath he mutters to himself “Hmmm… The lad must have been visiting her more often than I thought…”
“I want Dusk,” I declare one last time, stomping my foot against the ground in finality. It doesn't produce a sound other than a soft ‘click’, and my dress covers up the action all together so it was ultimately pointless… but it makes me feel good at least. “I want to be happy with him. Family.”
“...”
“...”
The two ponies chose not to speak, instead opting to stare at me.
“... Ugh…”
With a long sigh, Solaris lowers his hoof away from his red beard and shakes his head lowly. “Oh dear oh dear oh dear,” he grumbles to himself before turning his head and facing me seriously. “... I’m sorry, child, but the answer is still no.”
That was not the answer I wanted.
“But-” I attempt to argue, only to immediately be cut off by a hoof.
“You’re not ready to assist him yet,” is again the Prince’s excuse.
“But-”
“You haven’t finished your training,” he once more interrupts, his voice never rising or becoming angry. It didn't need to; in his eyes, he's simply stating facts.
“But-”
“And,” he quickly inserts. “Neither Dusk nor I have the time to raise you like the Bluebelles can right now… Colt can hardly take care of himself these days, sadly…"
I try to speak one last time. “Bu- UMPH?!”
A green gemstone suddenly gets shoved into my mouth, muting me. I leer up at the alicorn culprit for this as his horn extinguishes itself, and as he offers me another small smile.
“Have a little treat though, child,” he offers me, his voice loud and jolly. “On me! Haha!”
“...”
“Now, if you’ll excuse me... I was having a nice conversation with your friend Misses Red here.”
“...”
Dropping the subject altogether, leaving me frozen in place where I stand, Prince Solaris turns his head and begins to address the Quartermaster once again. “Forgive me, but where were we?”
Though she blinks at first, momentarily just as dazed and confused as I am, the unicorn mare across eventually turns away from me as well and continues the talk. “We... were discussing her skills list, your highness.”
“Ah!” Solaris notes. “Right right. Have you imparted any culinary skills onto her yet?”
… Thoughts begin to swirl around inside my mind as the two resume their pleasant chat...
"He… ignored me..."
“Yes, we did. She’s quite gifted in that area as well.”
"He didn’t listen to a single thing I said..."
“She is? Well, that’s wonderful! Are there any other fields to which she is as skilled?”
"He still only cares about Dusk..."
“Yes, actually. She has shown skills in all major Home Economics areas of study; sewing, dining room preparation, kitchen maintenance and safety... the list goes on.”
"I’m… an afterthought...
"..."
CLINK…
I can feel it through my tongue as a crack begins to form along the surface of my ‘gifted’ gemstone; as pressure is applied to it through the work of my clenching jaw.
"... Grrrr..."
“... Only history seems to be a major sticking point for her right now,” continues to speak Misses Red. “We are aiming to be able to iron that out within the coming years though.”
CLINKCLINK…
“Excellent,” remarks the Prince. “See to it that you do so appropriately. Next on the list would be…”
CLINKCLINKCLINK…
“... We’re seeing to that too, your Majesty....”
CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…
“... See to it that it’s done...”
CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…
“... Excellent. It will be helpful in the long run...”
CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…
“... Grand, I know it will...”
CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…
“... Of this I am certain, your highness...”
CLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINKCLINK…
“... She will serve my student well in the end...”
CLIN-
I gripping the now fragile gemstone with one claw and yanking it right out of my mouth, I raise it high up over my head and declared, in three words, with all my pent up anger and rage and frustration and hatred for this whole stupid place and this second life and this goddamn horse that I am
“NOT, A, SLAVE!!!”
SMASH!!!
The gemstone dissolves into a million shards as I viciously toss it to the ground. I gasp for air greedily in the silence that follows; nopony else in the room is capable of saying a thing after having witnessed what I did. The doors behind me burst open with a loud BANG as I continue to pant, though I pay it no heed. I listen as the guardmare from earlier comes rushing in with her horn buzzing with power, her partner apparently remaining unmoving on the other side. Our eyes meet for only a moment as I desperately try to breathe, and as I watch this one pony’s face slowly morph from battle-ready, to alert, to finally confused, all within the span of a second. The mare with the blue-colored mane’s equally blue pupils dart from me to the smashed emerald to the Prince and his guest; the look of confusion never leaving her as she continues to scan around, trying to gather information.
Though I didn’t want to in the slightest, I eventually crank my head upwards and look the Prince in the eyes… only to find that his face now holds the same expression as the guard’s; pure confusion.
“... Where…” the alicorn starts softly after a time, once the shock of it all had passed. All eyes in the room focus squarely on him. “Where did you learn that word, chi- Barbara?”
And now all eyes are on me.
“Book,” I explain quickly, my anger leaking out of every letter I sound out.
“... A book?” Solaris questions as eyes dart his way again. Even Madame Red’s are jumping back and forth between us right now, her face no longer portraying neutrality but instead fear; fear of where this is going.
I've never seen her afraid before, nor have I ever heard her stutter. It's… quite refreshing, honesty.
“N-none of the ones I assigned her to read contained such subject matter, y-your highness,” the once confident and fearsome mare pleads pathetically, like a child being scolded for drawing on the walls. “I-I have no idea where she heard that word before! I’ll doub-, no, triple my efforts though to ensure that she’s only reading and learning that which is necessary to become a proper assiste-”
With a single raised hoof, Prine Solaris silences the stammering unicorn.
His eyes then fall on me as he waits patiently for an answer from my own lips.
“Old book,” I reply, making sure to emphasize the old part. This is actually the true answer, in the end. While my memories of my original birth family taught me everything I needed to know about the dark subject matter in detail, it was only through the aid of the books I wasn’t suppose to be reading in the Bluebelles’ library that I learned how to actually pronounce the word in Ponish.
It’s spelled as ‘Cmyja’, and it’s a word that hasn’t been uttered in this country for almost a thousand years.
“Donkeys,” I add soon, proving to all present that I was using the term correctly. The history of Sombra’s mare equivalent and the Crystal Ponies wasn’t available in the books I read, and I briefly recalled that Twilight herself didn’t know about the Empire in that final episode I watched in another life, so I instead referenced a sin a bit more well known to common ponies; a sin they’d rather forget.
A sin Solaris would rather forget.
As successful as he’s been in the past at erasing history from the books, like the Nightterror and possibly the Crystal Empire, it would seem the first hundred years after his brother’s banishment were not as easily purged as the rest; my guess is that an entire race saw to that.
“... I… see…” says the only stallion in the room, as he lowers his head in thought.
The room grows quiet. None of us speak up. Not Madame Red, not the one guardmare beside me, and certainly not myself. We all wait on the Prince’s next words as his head remains lowered.
After a time, he raises it again...
... and then he smiles brightly at Madame Red.
“... Thank you for your time today, dearest Red. I believe that will be all for now. You are dismissed.”
Though taken aback at first, the unicorn quickly recovers and just as swiftly reapplies her neutral mask. “Y-yes, your highness. Thank you kindly for your audience.” Almost literally jumping to her hooves from her chair, the Quartermaster then trots up to me and lights her horn up brightly. “Come along now, whelp,” she demands harshly, the venom in her voice almost palpable.
As the unicorn's magic takes hold, and I feel it as a firm tug is applied to one of my ear-fins, I spy out of the corner of my eyes as the one armored guardmare present takes a single step forward as if to separate us. Her own horn begins to glow bright pink…
“Leave Miss Barbara behind, Misses Red.”
Halting in place, we three ladies turn our heads back to the sole stallion in the room as he finishes uttering these words.
His face remains smiling despite the newfound heavy atmosphere.
“But-,” begins to argue my guardian as her crimson magic slowly dissipates.
The Prince holds up a hoof, cutting her off.
“I will see to it that she is returned to her proper place afterward,” he assures. “You may leave...” He then closes his eyes and gives the mare a curt nod. “Have a lovely day now.”
“...”
Madame Red shoots her gaze towards me briefly. We stare at each other for a time… but the mare eventually turns away. Reluctantly she bows to the alicorn at the table before finally excusing herself from the room altogether. I watch silently as the last of her single color-toned tail disappears around the corner.
I give a silent sigh of approval towards this, as it feels as though a great weight has suddenly been lifted off of my minuscule shoulders...
The Prince speaks up again soon after, once Red is truly gone.
“You may return to your post now as well, Miss... Gleaming Shield, is it?”
The guardsmare by my side suddenly jumps at the mentioning of her name.
“Oh um… Y-yes, sir,” the fresh guard says aloud, stumbling over her words. She then bows to the Prince as well, though more quickly and hastily than Red had done prior. This results in hers being lower to the ground, within dangerous distance to the sharp shards of gemstone from my earlier outburst.
Using my shortness to my advantage, I only need to bend my knees slightly to reach the floor just in time to quickly sweep the shards away from her snout. My scales thankfully help me in this task by protecting me from getting scratched myself.
The pony at first blinks mutely at my action, only to then turn and offer me a shy smirk of gratitude. “Er, thanks.”
“Welcome,” I return simply in my much-hated little girl voice.
Pop
With the fluttering of our long eyelashes, the two of us look downwards towards the sudden sound and blink as we discover that all the shards are now completely gone. A glance towards the Prince rewards us with the sight of his horn extinguishing, and the sight of an ‘I’m waiting’ expression. Remembering her place once again, Gleaming Shield’s cheeks glow rosy red for a moment before she straightens herself out, laughs in embarrassment, and then leaves the room entirely.
She sends me one last sympathetic look as the twin doors shut completely behind her with the help of her and her still motionless-where-she-stood partner’s magic auras.
SLAM!
… This leaves me, for the first time in both of my lives, alone with royalty.
My heart begins to race.
“Come, child,” Prince Solaris of Equestria pipes up, causing me to turn towards him. “Have a seat,” he says, gesturing towards the spot Madame Red once occupied. Though I hesitate at first, I eventually gather the courage to make my way over to the chair. Once there I have to climb on all fours just to reach the seat, which soberingly reminds me yet again of how much I took for granted in my first life.
With a grunt, I ignore the embarrassment of my situation as I turn around and face the alicorn…
… Or I tried to. The chair is still adjusted for a pony’s height, not a baby dragon’s.
“One moment,” comments the stallion. I next hear the now-familiar sound of a horn sparking soon after, followed by the feeling of the chair rising to better fit the table. Now able to see the pony face to face, I discover that the Prince is no longer smiling as brightly as he had been earlier. “There,” he speaks gently. “Much better…”
“... Thank,” I reply, again cursing my inability to speak properly. Ponish is so hard to pronounce though, it consists of a combination of tongue roles, horse whinnies, and harmonic pronunciations! It’s a pretty language, admittedly. Hard... but pretty.
“You’re welcome, dear… Would you like some tea?” He asks me, levitating the still steaming tea kettle beside him up into the air. “I’m afraid I still have quite a bit left from my talk with Misses Red. I wouldn’t want it to go to waste, but I’ll admit that it might not be something a child would like…”
Instead of speaking, I give a single nod of my head instead. I used to love tea as a human, but I've not been given the chance to drink it as a dragon yet. I've served it while here, yes, but I was always told to drink water instead. Thus I wait patiently as the Prince of Equestria himself pours me a cup and floats it over to my side. “Be careful now. It’s still hot,” he warns. “... Though I suppose you are a dragon, haha…”
I muse how this is probably the first time he's ever shown any sort of concern for me in my entire life, but I keep the commentary to myself. I bring the drink to my lips…
… only to have to force it down. It… it tastes…
“It’s called Da Hong Pao tea, dear. Do you like it?”
My mind loves it. I love the smell and the soothing warmth it leaves in my throat as it slides on down it. It tastes nostalgic as well; I've clearly had it before in my first life, though I can’t recall where...
… My tongue, on the other hand, possessing the unrefined taste buds of a child, hates it. It hates everything about it.
This only serves to remind me that this is but one of the many parts of my body that still needs to be retrained. My ladylike gait, my speaking skills; even simple things such as my patience and tolerance need to be regained control of from this stupid youthful body of mine! For me to start feeling like myself again! And don’t get me started on all the new childish nonsense that I need to expunge from my system. I still wake up at night teething on my tail, or sucking on my thumb, for crying out loud!
I stare angrily down at my teacup as my thoughts turn dark; as I'm once again reminded of all that I've lost in these past five years, and how little I've actually regained. Every day I keep discovering that an action that used to be simple for me to accomplish as an adult was now a struggle to do in this form. Walking, talking, taking care of myself; slowly my abilities are returning, but it's never fast enough, I feel. Never fast enough.
And then there’s the subject of the things I’ll never get back.
"My body, my skin, my humanity… My Jason. My Ashley. My Nathaniel…"
… I sniffle loudly as my thoughts begin to head down darker roads against my will. I try to force them back into my mental closet, where they can’t hurt me, but they refuse to budge.
Sniff
Five years later and it still isn’t easy to accept all this.
"I-I need to find a better outlet," I speak with myself as these tears start to fall. "Maybe a diary, o-or a journal..."
“Dear? What’s wrong?”
Sniffling again, I turn to look at the Prince through misting eyes. I momentarily forgot that he was even here at all.
“W-want Dusk,” I stutter weakly, allowing my spiked emotions to bleed through. “W-w-want Dusk. I want to be happy… Not… s-slave…”
The Prince remains quiet as he watches me choke up. I don’t want to have to return to that horrid house after today! I can’t stand that bratty Princess’s demands anymore! I can’t stand that Quartermaster anymore! Nopony in that stupid house cares about me; nopony here cares about me period except for maybe that Gleaming Shield mare from before, and… a-and…
God, I just want one friend. One! Is that so much to ask?! Wasn’t that whole stupid show called Friendship is Magic?! Why then… why is it like this for me here?
“F-f-friend,” I hiccup. “Want, my, f-friend… Please…”
Again the Prince says nothing, offering no words towards my display.
This doesn’t last long though.
After what feels like hours, the alicorn places a hoof over his forehead and proceeds to release a low sigh.
“... Was I,” he speaks after a time, though it soon becomes apparent that these words aren't meant for me. “... Was I about to repeat myself here, my former faithful student?
“Was I about to make the same mistake that caused you to hate me so? To make you flee through that mirror…?
“The same mistake... that cost me my brother years before you were even born, Sunset…?”
… Another sigh follows before the pony takes his face out of his obscuring hoof and looks at me with fresh eyes. Before they had been strong and caring, but now… now they were simply tired; tired with age and pain.
I stare at them through my puffy green ones as my tears start to let up.
“Why,” he asks me clearly, no longer speaking down to me. “Why do you feel as though you are a… a ‘slave’, Barbara?” He questions me plainly. “Whyever would a child so young say such a thing so… honestly? You truly believe your words; they are clearly not just the ramblings of a foal I can tell, so wh-” he then exhales for the third time. Shaking his head, he starts over. “Sorry, dear child. I… I went a bit off-topic there, haha.”
That laugh was the most forced thing I had ever heard a person utter before in my life, pony or not.
“Just… Can you explain to be why you feel that you are a slave, my dear? Can you please use your words to explain it to an old pony like me? I promise I’ll listen… It’s the least I can do.”
I stare back at him…
… and feel it as my anger swiftly reignites.
"How… How can he not… There’s no way he doesn’t… It’s so obvious I..."
Through stinging eyes, I glare at the stallion.
“No choice,” I rant as well as my lousy Ponish will allow me. “Either Bluebelles or orp-... orph… alone. No choice. I want Dusk. I want to help Dusk. Dusk is kind! Dusk is my friend! Family! I w-want a friend… Bluebelles not… I want to be happy. Not… alone…”
I pant for breath, my display having winded me. Give me a keyboard, pen, or even an inked quill, damn it. Let me express my hatred properly!
Prince Solaris remains silent.
“... You,” he starts to say. “don’t enjoy having zero control over your life… That’s an interestingly grown-up feeling to have, child. Not many foals feel this way. They like their mommies and daddies to take care of them.”
“I don’t have those,” I retort, feeling insulted for him have apparently forgotten.
The Prince’s already weakened state dims just a tiny bit more thanks to this.
“Ah… Yes. I meant no offense, I assure you.”
“I’m alone,” I point out, reminding him.
“I’m aware,” he notes tired. “I’m most aware, now so more than ever. I had hoped the Bluebelles' staff would have filled this role for you, and treated you as one of them… but it would seem that this did not happen.”
“Dusk is my family,” I declare, hoping to end this whole discussion right here and now. “Hatched me; not you. Dusk told me so.”
Solaris cringes at first, but he eventually folds in defeat.
“Yes… yes I suppose they'll be no questioning of that now, will there?”
Bluntly did I reply “No.”
The alicorn chuckles. Weak as it may have been, it actually sounds genuine this time.
“You’re surprisingly well situated for a foal your age,” he meekly jokes. “You know exactly what you want. Most impressive; there are quite a number of adults out there that still struggle with such a simple concept!”
He laughs again.
I don't join in.
In seeing this the alicorn’s chortles die on his lips, and eventually disappear into nothingness altogether. Silence reigns shortly after that.
“... You want Dusk, dear?”
“Yes,” I spit, refusing to second guess myself.
“Are you... sure though?”
“Yes,” I again fire my response, not giving him the chance to use his damn mind tricks on me, whatever they may be.
In sensing my straight and narrow intention, Solaris folds once again. His wings even droop this time as he stares down in shame.
“... There’s… There’s no denying it now either, is there?”
Lifting himself up, the Prince looks me directly in the eyes.
“You hate me, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I reply bluntly and honestly. There's no going back now; might as well go the full nine yards. “Took Dusk away. Put me in that stupid house. I cried a lot... No...” My face scrunches up into a look of pure concentration as I search through my mind for a single word.
Solaris needs to know the damage he’s done; he needs to know how much harm he was causing with his self-centered way of thinking.
I need Dusk back in my life and I need him now not just because we need to leave and save the world with friends in Ponyville, go on adventures, and learn about the ‘magic’ of friendship… but also because I need a reason to keep going. I need a reason to keep waking up every morning and to keep on living.
“No… foalhood,” I finish, having successfully found and pronounced the Equestrian word I was looking for.
Said word causes the stallion’s face to drop like a rock.
“... I’m sorry,” he whispers under his breath, before lifting his head back up and looking me straight on. “I’m… sorry, Barbara. I… I-I didn’t know how strongly you felt about this. About… all of this… I was trying to turn you into the perfect assistant for my student, one who would follow him into the far future I’ve foreseen for him, but… but I…”
He takes a breath.
“I never considered your own feelings on the matter,” he admits in a rush, looking truly ashamed. At first I believe this to just be an act, but as he goes on it becomes increasingly apparent that this was anything but. “You were so young when I came up with this lesson plan that I… I didn’t consider for a second that you could have an opinion of your own yet. A foal wouldn’t, but your draconic nature… I’ve foolishly underestimated you, I now see.”
Pop
Blinking the sudden sparkles out of my eyes, I open my peepers again after a time and discover three portfolios now laying in front of me. I stare at them as the Prince sits up straighter in his chair. With a clearer voice, one that lacks the melancholy that it once held, Solaris declares for me in the simplest of words
“No more.”
The three portfolios begin to float into the air with the assistance of golden magic. They slowly orbit around the glowing magical horn before one flies out of the field and opens itself before the alicorn. He considers its contents for a time before flouting the entirety of it over to me.
Inside are a pile of forms and paperwork that take me a moment to translate... What isn’t hard to translate are the first words, along with the photographed image of a pair of stallions in a loving embrace, atop it.
“... Adoption papers?” I inquire loudly, equal parts surprised and pleased with myself for not having trouble saying the rather difficult Ponish word aloud. Despite this inner joy, I'm still left quite shocked by this turn of events.
Solaris gives me a nod as he rotates the portfolio with another folder, this time with a picture of an elderly stallion and mare in a similar hug. “Yes, that’s right. Do you know what that word means, Barbara?”
I frown at this. Rather than answer him directly, I instead slap the table with a purple claw and yelled “I want Dusk,” for perhaps the twentieth time today.
This causes the stallion to wilt again.
“I’m aware. I’m more than aware now, dear child.
“But, Barbara, please listen to me; Dusk… Dusk is special to me. He’s just as special to me as he is to you. I expect great things from him…”
“And you don’t me?” I interrupt him fiercely and, to my great surprise, clearly. Maybe I’m finally getting the hang of this...
Truthfully speaking though, I don’t have any great aspirations in this new life of mine. I simply just want to live it in a state that vaguely resembles happiness! Dusk is the ‘main’ character; one of the protagonists if I were to follow the logic of an old cartoon from the twenty-tens. I’m not, and I both understand and respect this. I have my role and he has his, just like how in my old life my children held importance over my own well-being in my heart.
I could re-invent the internet, the automobile, or any of Earth’s wonders here in Equestria. If I work at it hard enough, anything is possible… But that’s not me. I’m not one to live in the spotlight, and I have no desire to change that in this life. I don’t expect great things from me here…But that doesn’t give Solaris the right to think the same way towards me or anyone else.
The thought that he does disgusts me.
In having caught him in his hypocrisy, the Prince of Ponies’ mood does the impossible and droops even lower.
“No! No, I… I expect greatness in all of my little ponies, child,” he claims. “I expect it in you as well, I swear that I do… I… I just have had a vis-… Well… I just expect it more in-”
The alicorn then stops himself, having perhaps finally come to understand his own folly.
“... Sigh… I really am making the same mistake here that I made with you, Sunset. Exalting one above others, regardless of the cost, while not providing what they desire the most...”
I tilt my head at this, unsure what he's referring to. Seeing this, the Prince waves me off with a hoof. “Nothing, dear. Nothing at all. Forget I said anything.”
I hold my head where it is, beckoning him to continue.
He obliges. “I… I suppose you can’t do that, can you? I’ve already said so much… Child, would you believe me now, after everything I’ve done, if I told you that you are not the first Equestrian born dragon?”
"… Really? Sure feels like it, what with how ponies treat me and all..."
Sensing my confusion, Solaris elaborates further. “Yes, few others throughout the years have managed to hatch dragon eggs with their magic. Though extremely rare, it’s not an impossible task by any means.
“Those who’ve done it have always gone on to do extraordinary things with their special talents; be it the creation of Cloudsdale or the fine-tuning of the anthropomorphic spell… to making a wickedly fine soufflé.
“Beyond this greatness, however, there is one other detail that these mares and stallions have in common…
“... Unhappy dragon companions.”
“...”
I remain silent. In the silence, I envisioned Spike The Dragon from that decades-old show.
Spike... the highly abused, comic relief, dragon.
“All of them,” Solaris went on, heedless of my growing wariness. “eventually left Equestria to seek their own paths in life once it became apparent that they could not find happiness here... and this separation always ends with the pony suffering as well. Sadness becomes plentiful in these times; sadness which only serves to hinder both parties. Brilliant ponies become depressed, and bright intelligent dragons… never return to civilization.”
“... Are they happy?” I ask innocently enough. A childish question from a baby dragon; nothing unusual there. Nothing that raises alarms, but I know that dragons live for hundreds of years. I’ve learned the sad truth through books, and have yet to come to terms with it, but for now that part doesn’t matter. What matters is that they're probably still alive long after their pony died. They’re free now, with no ties to Equestria… Are they also happy? Can the Prince answer this question…?
Can I trap him yet again?
The Prince considers me, his face still projecting nothing but sadness. He looks away; unable to look at me, and subsequently his mistake, any longer. “... Happier than they were here, I’ll admit.”
Gotcha.
“Dragons in Equestria,” he explains to me, his voice still devoid of the good cheer he once shared quite readily. “Have often been treated… differently than ponies. Not many know how to raise one. One pony treated his hatchling like a dog… Fido ran away when he turned fifteen.
“One mare treated her drake like a little brother; they went to school together for a time… Norbert was supposedly bullied by a group of colts and eventually fled to the Badlands when he was seven.
“And a single stallion treated his little dragoness like a daughter. He loved her dearly… to the point of spoiling her. Greed and dragons do not mix, as you will be taught one day, thus she needed to be… to be…”
Prince Solaris, for a single moment, smiles at me again...
“... Returned home.”
It's entirely fake.
"Put down," my mind translates the words quickly, causing me to shake. Whether the alicorn noticed I couldn’t say.
“To answer your question though; yes, they are happier now that they aren’t here in Equestria anymore,” the stallion finally admits as he quits smiling. “They all decided that the land of ponies, my kingdom, was not where they belonged. They all returned to their natural habitats and became happier because of it.”
Silence reigns.
“... And making me sad,” I question harshly in the silence, forcing myself to speak as properly as I can for this all-important question, “Is sup-,... suppo-... suppo...sed! Supposed!” I start over. “And making me sad is supposed to make me want to stay here then, your Mage-es-tee?!”
… Say what you must, but at least I’m an adorable pissed-off dragoness instead of just a pissed-off dragoness with a lisp.
The Prince regards me with those tired eyes of his and chooses not to say anything at all. Instead he releases his breath once again as he shakes his head.
“No no,” he says after a time. “You weren’t supposed to be sad, you were supposed to be educated! Nothing more! I… I had thought that by teaching you all the wonders Equestria has to offer you’d… stay. Stay here with Dusk and help him fulfill his destiny out of the goodness of your heart…”
“Wrong,” I speak bluntly, gazing at him with unamused eyes. “Wrong. I, hate, Equestria.”
The Prince considers me tiredly, as his tail continues to flow on in the unfelt solar winds.
“... Hate it, Barbara?” he questions. “Do you hate Equestria, or do you simply just hate how my ponies treated you? How I treated you?
“Would you rather be returned to the Badlands, where wild dragons make home, instead of being in the care of kinder ponies? Ponies who I can guarantee to you, on my honor, will do nothing but love you properly?”
“...”
My eyes fall on the earlier portfolios left abandoned on the table. Their contents became visible in my mind’s eye. Adoption…
“Why now?” I ask simply, a growl having entered my voice. If adoption was an option from the get-go, then why in the blue hell…?
“Why now and not earlier?” finishes the alicorn for me, an act I grudgingly am grateful for. “Because these paths will only serve to bring you further and further away from Dusk Shine.
“I may have failed horribly as a guardian over you, child, but I know one thing for certain; separating you two would have been a disservice to you bot-”
“I HAVEN’T SEEN HIM IN TWO YEARS!!” I bellow into the bastard’s face, cutting him off completely. I lean on the table as I did, standing up fully in my chair and, thanks to the coordination of a five-year-old I've been ‘blessed’ with, knock my still full teacup over unto my dress. I felt the warmth trickle down my front and drench my chest completely, but I don't care in the slightest for this dress. I don't care in the slightest for this stallion either, for that matter. “Separated long enough! I want, Dusk, now!”
“...”
… Scoot
Catching me by surprise, I observe quizzingly as the Prince scoots himself out of his chair and approached my side. I snarl at him as he does, and glare passively as he conjures a cloth and begins to wipe me down from my spill. My cheeks burn crimson thanks to this, but I ignore it as I hold my gaze.
“... I know, Barbara,” the pony whisperers morosely as he continues to wipe. “I know. Two was two too many. It was supposed to last longer as well, but now… Now I am reminded that fifteen years for me isn’t the same for everyone else. Especially so for one as young as you…”
Leaning further down, the alicorn then brings his long white horn closer to my chest and, with the tiniest and dimmest spark of magic, makes the stain upon my dress disappear completely.
“There,” he notes. “Good as new.”
I chose not to speak.
For the first time since this discussion started, the Prince doesn't react towards my admittedly poor treatment of him... I'm so angry though that I honestly don’t care. As he stands up fully again, I watch from my seat as he levitates the folders over to me.
“... I have an offer for you, Barbara,” he begins.
“I want Dusk.” I remind.
“I know you do,” he replies weakly. “I know… But I don’t think Dusk will do anything different than what the ponies of the past did to their dragon friends.”
What?! “Dusk won’-”
Solaris raises a hoof to silence me.
“... Please listen, child,” he pleads. “You have known Dusk for three years, and are only five, if I recall correctly. How much of him do you actually remember? You probably don’t know him as well as you think you do...”
My gut tells me to scowl once again in reply, "How dare he?!"… but then I actually allow my brain to start working again.
Solaris…
... Solaris is actually not wrong for once in his assumption. There... there is a little bit of truth there...
As adamant as I am to be by his side again, and to play my role in the events about to transpire, I actually don’t know a whole lot about Dusk personally; other than what I've gathered in the short time we spent together when I was a babe again and... well... my foggy memories of Twilight Sparkle.
He’s a bookworm. He’s kind. He has a big heart, and he’s going to become the wielder of a mystical relic that grants him power over the abstract concept of companionship.
That’s kind of a big deal in this world, from what I remember...
… But right now he’s just a friendless young teenager. He cares more about his studies than he does anypony else, just like Twilight did. His dusty old books are his only friends above all else.
Even above… me.
I haven’t seen him in two years. Two, years. That kind little colt who held me when I mourned for my family; who carried me on his back throughout the castle, occasionally fed me gems, shared with me his day as he taught me about his world…
He never came to visit me.
Never even sent a letter either, or objected to the Prince’s cruel plan.
At the end of the day... I... I actually don't know him well at all. He might as well be a stranger...
“...”
“I,” Prince Solaris goes on as I digest these sudden dark thoughts and feelings. “On the other hoof, have known him for five years plus, Barbara. I’ve trained him, taught him, and have attempted to become his friend... It is an offer he has always refused to accept though, for he holds me in too high regard to allow such a thing.
“Barbara,” the alicorn invokes my name one last time. “To leave you in his care would be irresponsible of me. I can not guarantee to you that he will suddenly understand the power of friendship with your presence, or even if he’ll treat you the same way he did when he was a child himself. As the teen he’s grown to become, he may simply see you as a means to an end.
“Though I wish I could confidently tell you how I taught him better than that, the truth of the matter is that I can not. A flawed teacher breeds a flawed student; I have only myself to blame for the pony he has become. Unable to see my own faults, how was I to ever hope to encourage him to leave my shadow…?”
“...”
“...”
… The Prince suddenly stops talking.
As sad as it is to acknowledge, I think, with the help of that last speech, Solaris has finally realized that he’s been talking to a five-year-old this whole time.
While I’d like to believe that I still radiate a mature aura, I’m going to guess that his behavior thus far has all been the result of the Prince using me to vent his own frustrations with himself and nothing more. Little does he know that I’m more than capable of understanding everything he’s saying, but that doesn't stop him from giving a little cough and resuming at a slower, more constrained, pace.
“As I was saying, child,” he starts up again, not as hamfisted as before. “At no other pony’s fault but my own, Dusk isn’t the same pony you remember him being. I know with certainty that he has a bright future ahead of him full of joys and friendship… but I believe, as he is now, he may only make you cry.
“... It is because I feel this way that I now have a choice for you to make.”
The folders are, once again, pushed into my face. Not literally, mind you, but it's starting to feel that way with how often he keeps bringing them up.
“Instead of returning to Dusk, Barbara,” the stallion presents to me. “You can instead choose to live with one of these families. Each one of these folders is full of kindhearted mares and stallions who would love to have a smart little daughter like you to dote over. I have personally met with each of them in the past and can assure you that you will be a pony in their eyes and in the eyes of the towns they dwell in; both have passed the tests designed to measure their eligibility for raising non-equines such as griffons, baby sea serpents, baby landwyrms, and even baby dragons like yourself. You can have a normal life this way, without having to be anypony’s assistant without your say.
“If you’d rather not live in Equestria, however,” Solaris adds after a pause, causing me to look away from the folders. “If these past two years and your anger towards me is too much for you to live with, I can arrange for a dragoness to accept you into her clutch. A few owe me favors or life debts. Though it will be hard, I’m certain I can eventually find one who you can happily call ‘mommy’.
“... In going down that path, however, you may find yourself unable to live in Equestria again.
“... So then… which will you choose?
“What do you want, Barbara?”
“...”
… I look back down towards the folders.
For the first time since I've entered this room today…
... Dusk isn’t my instant answer.
"A… normal life?" I begin to ask myself within my now sluggish mind. "I don’t… I-I don’t have to be an assistant? I don’t [have to serve Dusk for the rest of his life?
"I... I love that colt a lot, yes; but I don’t have to live with him... If I choose a family close enough I could still be his friend; I could still be part of his life...
"... And… and I could have a chance to start over for real... I could just be a normal kid that goes to school and makes friends and has loving parents who care for their child. I could be their daughter… I’d be starting over from scratch once more, and I’d have to put up with a new set of humiliations and frustrations... but, eventually? Eventually, I’ll be an adult again...
"... Eventually I could be a mother again.
"... I-it won’t be the same; it’ll never be the same... but eventually I could have a normal life again… a-and be happy. All I’d have to do is just be a happy little girl with her mommy and daddy and… and leave the world-saving to Dusk and his friends.
"I won’t be needed. Spike was never needed, right? There’s nothing of importance I can’t do as Dusk’s friend instead of as his assistant! Yeah… yeah! All I have to do it be his friend and everything will sort itself out! Screw that show! This is my life now!!"
With newfound drive, a goal having been reached, I lean forward and grab the folders. I look over the candidates once again with renewed vigor.
"I just need to find one close enough… Mister and Misses Curl of Horseshoe Bay? Too far away. Harpsy Heartstrings and Toffee of Canterlot with “Plans to move back to our hometown once Harpsy’s education is complete”? Hmmm… closer, but I need to think long-term. I need... Recently married Cream and Coffee Cake of Ponyville! Perfect! I’ll be there with Dusk when he starts to learn the magic of friendship! I can get a job at the library when he moves in and… and…
"... And hope that he doesn’t need me until then…
"..."
I put the folders down.
"I… I..."
I want to start crying again.
"Barbara..." my mind pleads. "Barbara, don’t think that way..."
What… what if he does need me though?
"Barbara..."
What if he needs an assistant further down the road?
"Barbara..."
What if he doesn’t let me be his friend in Ponyville?
"Barbara..."
What if I’m forgetting an important ‘Spike-saves-the-world’ episode?! Or what if one came out later when Ashley stopped watching it?!
"Barbara!"
What if-
"DAMN IT ALL, GIRL!"
With a blink, I return to my senses before my internal torment could tip off Solaris.
"Are you really going to throw away a shot at happiness for one stupid pony?!" I demand myself to answer. "Really?! For all you know that kid’s the whole flipping reason you’re here!"
W… W, What?
"Think about it; think waaaayyy back!" I prod."You didn’t know any better when you first hatched! You didn’t know a damn thing! It wasn’t until he used his magic on you that you remembered who you were!"
I pause, remembering this detail. That… that is true…
"If he didn’t do that, you wouldn’t have a reason to cry at all!" I point out. "None at all! You could have just been a normal rugrat learning her ABCs instead of an adult relearning how to use the bucking potty!
"... Damn it all, bucking. How to bucking use the… Grrr! You can’t even swear right anymore! Hell, you used to never want to swear at all!! This whole stupid world has taken so bucking much from you, caused you so much pain, yet you wanna… y-yet you wanna… w-wanna..."
Sniff
“... Barbara?” Prince Solaris asks me as the waterworks begin anew. D-damn… damn it all to nonexistent hell. I… I-I hate myself. I hate myself so much right now.
I hate myself… because despite being given such a wonderful opportunity, despite being hoofed this once-in-a-lifetime chance at happiness on a silver platter, my answer at the end of the day is still…
“I, want, Dusk,” I sob like the child that I undoubtedly am now. “I want my friend...”
I could have been happy. I could have taken the path that led to instant gratification. I could have taken the path that gave me opportunities beyond my wildest dreams, that gave me the chance to grow up to be even greater than I was in my first life. A daughter; I could have been a new mother or father’s daughter. I could have made my own friends, had my own adventures, lived my own life. I could have had a wonderful life…
But I instead threw it all away.
Threw it all away for Dusk.
Threw it all away…
“I want Dusk!”
… Because it was what my heart wanted in the end; to be a mother once again in some form, no waiting.
I'm through with waiting.
“Are… are you sure, child? I’ve already told you the ris-”
“Yes,” I reply as calmly as I could, ignoring the tears that ran down my face. “Yes. I want him. I want Dusk. I want… my family.”
Prince Solaris stares at me for a time after this. Neither of us says a thing as his soft blue eyes meet my fierce green own.
I won’t second guess myself, I won’t back down; the life I just chose for myself won’t be easy, won’t always be happy, and won’t help me forget the life I lost…
... but, as long as I live it as myself, it will sure as shoot help me heal.
In the end, that’s all I can ask for.
“...”
“...”
The silence between us deepens as I harden my features and resign myself to my chosen fate...
... And then, despite having absolutely no reason to do such a thing; despite my conflict being internal from beginning to end… Solaris laughs.
Prince Solaris laughs out loud.
He laughs loudly and proudly at a joke I had missed altogether.
His head is held high as he roars mightily into the air at the top of his lungs. His hoof strikes the table a few times in his jubilation, and even his own teacup is knocked to the side as a result. The tea spills over the edge but the Prince didn't care; all he cares about right now are his strong chortles of apparent delight.
As these “Ha!”s and “Ho!”s simmer down after a solid few minutes, the Prince of Ponies finally snaps his eyes back to my own. I gaze dumbly into his face as he looks at me. Where once he appeared a broken stallion, greatly mournful over his hurtful actions… now he looks like a pony filled with nothing but happiness and sunshine.
This confuses me greatly.
His large grin is a testimony to this great change though, as are his mane and tail which now blow harder and faster than I had ever witnessed them move before.
“Excellent,” is one of the lasts things the great alicorn will end up saying to me this day. The memory is beginning to fade right before my eyes. “Never have grander words been spoken!”
Pop!
With a mighty flash of golden light, the pony altogether vanishes out of existence. I blink the stars out of my eyes as I hear a similar sound soon occur behind me. Standing up and turning in my chair, gripping the back of it tightly, I watch as the alicorn reappears out of his teleport and happily skips, not trot, his way towards the doors exiting the room. “Gleaming Shield, lass!” he calls out in a booming voice as he grips the twin doors in his magical aura. “Be a dear and fetch my student for me, would you? He needs to be treated with a proper reun-”
“CAW!”
No sooner had the Prince opened the doors to his chamber did something feathery and red shoot right on out of the hallways and attach itself to my face.
As the memory comes to an end, I can recall vividly how I stood there dumbly for many reasons that day. I stood there dumbly because of the Prince’s shift in tone, I stood there dumbly because of the reveal that I was going to be allowed to live with Dusk again…
... And I stood dumbly longest of all because of the phoenix that had decided to hug my face.
There was a pause.
"... Snort."
… before Prince Solaris of Equestria burst into laughter yet again. "Haha!"
"... Heh... H-hehe!"
Soon I joined in as well.
To this day I still don't know why.
~Present Day, Two Years Later~
Opening my eyes again, I find myself exiting memory lane and once again inhabiting the body of a seven-year-old dragoness. Though I blink my eyes momentarily, and rub the tiredness out of them with a balled-up claw, my attention is still entirely focused on the journal that lies open before me.
I stare at it at first, considering it, only to then draw my mind inwards and consider instead what the whole experience from those two years ago had succeeded in reminding me of.
For a moment I compare the Prince Solaris of yesteryear to with the Prince Solaris of today, with all their deceitfulness and lies and flaws and scheming…
... And then the answer becomes obvious.
RIIIIIIPPPPPP
Crumble...
FWOOSH!
Said answer was to tear the unfinished chapter out of the journal completely, crush it into a little ball in my claws, and then proceed to reduce it to ash with the help of a breath of fire.
Duh.
As I sweep the remains up with a dustpan and broom, I quietly chuckle to myself over the kind of day I've had so far. With all its ups and downs, reveals and secrets, tears and laughter… Quite a roller coaster ride, all things considered.
“Not quite a friend,” I speak with myself. “Not quite an enemy. Not quite an ally, not quite a foe; Prince Solaris is just, I guess, Prince Solaris… Just like I’m just Barbara.
“Barbara The Dragoness.
“Barbara the assistant.
“Barbara the child.
“Barbara the widow.
“Barbara the Lost Soul.
“Barbara…”
An idea then crosses my mind.
“... The tainted… The cursed… the… the…!!”
Putting my broom and pan down, I quickly rush back to my seat. Slamming the book shut, I take out an inked quill and carefully write across the cover in Ponish
“The Poisoned Barb.”
Title having been settled, I smile as I gently blow across the still drying ink, speeding up the process. I then pack the book carefully back under my pillow once I did, and proceed to leave the room altogether. “Yeah, hehe. That’ll do.”
This is my life now.
My difficult, but still worth it, life.
I miss my family and friends. I miss my children and husband every day...
… But I can’t turn back time. I can’t come back from the dead. Barbara D. Burns lives on in my heart, but there'll come a day where I won’t be able to call myself that any longer.
So then,
“I might as well work on making this life just as special.”
"Couldn’t have said it better myself."
You’re too kind, brain. You’re too kind.
Slam!
The door to the bedroom slams loudly as I push it closed behind me. No point in looking back now.
The show is about to start any minute now.
“NOT, A, SLAVE!!!”
SMASH!!!
Silence reigned in the bedchamber as the tiny dragon viciously threw the gemstone to the ground, reducing it to a million tiny shards. Both ponies in the room could only stare in shock at the scene as a royal guard burst into the room soon after, summoned by the sound. The white unicorn with the twin shades of blue mane quickly looked all around the room, trying desperately to figure out what had happened. An answer did not come right away.
The ruler of the pony race remained seated while the guard continued to search, unsure how to react to this turn of events. The shock of it all was too great; the word the child had used had not been uttered for hundreds upon hundreds of years in Equestria! To hear it used so properly and clearly by one so young…
Princess Celestia could only stare mournfully at Spike as she wondered how she had strayed so far yet again.
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Oh snap. That last bit... Is Barb changing the events in Celestia's Equestria too? Or is she just following a predestined path?
Regardless, that title drop felt a long time in coming. Man, when it did though, I just had an action movie theme play in my head.
Jam!
Leading up to a great turning point in the story. Though 14k is a huge amount to read man don't get a burn out take break. Though when you start writing the ponyville arc will you be going by moments in time or episodes?
~Present Day, Five Years Later~
wasn't that supposed to be two years? ... he lived with dusk for three years before going to bluebelle's house for 2 years
5737348
In all honesty though, I'm not completely sure yet! It'll probably end up being a combination of the two. Obviously I'm going to cover episodes where Spike is featured at length in greater detail. There's also tiny Spike moments, like in the Cutie Mark Chronicles, which I want to do Barb's take on as well. They'll also be original concepts exclusive to the story, such as during moments when Spike was absent from an episode, and I also want to do diary entries as well for stuff too minor to dedicate an entire chapter to!
I'm still sorting it out, but it's safe to say that I have interesting plot lines ready to go for certain parts of the series. Just wait and see
... Now I just have to figure out how to put "Winter Wrap-Up" in a realistic canon-logical order...
5737007 Considering the treatment they both received? I have a feeling that being reincarnated or not would not have changed that outcome much.
5737007 Or perhaps Spike is like her some one that was reincarnated and was giving his memories of his past life back from the magic that hatched him.... Holly crap what if that is why he had his shit together in EQG because he had his human memories to help him help twilight. Dun dun dun!!!!!!
5738194 Him being unhappy yes that would be constant but knowing the word slave and the full weight of the meaning behind it when it was emphasized to be a word that was not spoken seems to hammer in that spike really is just like her but from a rule 63 version of her human universe.
Which is funny because they short of crisscrossed universes if that's the case. Barb came from a Universe like ours where the show is with a female main six cast and spike came from a universe where the show has the main six being male.
(I wonder if the gender roles in the human-spike universe where reversed thus the show being for little boys and getting the unexpected popularity with grown women).
This has emotional beauty written all over it.
Literally.
Very nice chapter, all of it felt meaning full and the twist at the end wasn't bad at all.
Carry on!
Is Barb Spike or is Spike Barb?
*Gestured
5740786 based on the little bit at the end, I would say they are parallels. Not the same dragon but neither are they different.
Widow. Men are widowers. Women are widows.
Definitely
says
dote
consider
ash
Those three words feel cathartic, especially for a manipulative scumbag like Solaris. I’m honestly surprised that Barbara didn’t reveal her adult aura and punch his face so hard he can’t see or cast magic. For once, I’m hoping that in one universe, Celestia or Solaris’ trolling and chessmaster tendencies backfires so hard they will FEEL the consequences of their plans and suffer tenfold.
Freaking... barb’s fire breath sends the stuff to solaris.
Been years and yada yada, but i'm really not happy with her choice there to not write the TRUTH down. She decided to leave out the true actions and comments of a VERY defining moment that happened just to protect the reputation of someone she's still not trusting of? I wouldnt even do that for family if i was mistreated like that. Not ok with her choices to where it pisses me off and weakens my respect for her from honest to untrustworthy.
Saying that, still enjoying the story!
9938028
It's interesting; ever since I picked up the pen again and decided to continue The Poisoned Barb's Tale, I've been thinking about how Barb's adventures in Ponyville have slowly started to change her character. During the course of this intro book, she was very much still a trauma victim. Her writing was retrained and concise, though she made plenty of mistakes and accidentally slipped in her real emotions from time to time. She also spoke quite formally, and it was only through the conversation she had with Solaris about Dusk's book did her mask start to slip. When I wrote the ending of this particular chapter, I considered what kind of maelstrom her thoughts had become due to the experience. She was furious, she wanted justice... but, on some VERY small level, she was grateful too. She was also reminded of what little Solaris had granted her; privacy from her "powers", and her position at Dusk's side. The adult in her was taking the good with the bad and begrudgingly accepting that she owed the old bastard somewhat...
... If the current Barb was in a similar situation though, you'd bet your behind that she wouldn't have left a single page blank. Through her interactions with the rest of the male mane six, along with the citizens of Ponyville, Barb is now trying to leave her human past behind and embrace the now. It's been a slow process; no matter how many times she yells "I AM BARBARA THE DRAGONESS!" it's not going to instantly sink in and erase her original 40 years, but she's making the effort and that's what counts. In writing some tell-all like this, she would probably still try to rationalize it with things like "I'll be blowing off steam" or "It'll be healthy to get it off my chest", just like she did when she first started writing The Poisoned Barb, but the difference here is that there would be less incentive to write about such things rationally. It would be a spur of the moment feeling, consequences be damned.
You know, like how a child would do it.
... O-or at least that's what I was TRYING to get across when I first wrote it
I like flawed characters, which means they can't be making good decisions ALL the time, right? 
Anyways, thank you for your time! Hope to see you in two weeks when the sequel's next chapter will be released
Rereading this. Forgot that the Cakes were looking to adopt. Strange, since the obvious first choice is to have your own children before considering adoption, and if it follows the show we know they can. Were they aware they would be adopting a dragon? May have more thoughts later, but the one I want to get out right now:
Why did Solaris have those adoption papers ready?
10114927
*Sweats as she honestly forgot that she mentioned the Cakes in this chapter, yet referred to them as Mr. and Misses "Swirl" in the sequel.* Ugh. Great. This is the whole Sunset 'Glare' Blaze fiasco all over again. I REALLY need to update my name sheet the next chance I get...
... Anyways! The mention of the Cakes adopting ties into a head canon I have that we'll be exploring WAY later during Baby Cakes (YES I PLANNED THAT FAR AHEAD I AM NOT WELL)
As for WHY Solaris had adoption papers ready? Slight spoiler for later in the sequel, but I've provided enough clues that it shouldn't come as that big of a shock: They weren't for Barb specifically. Solaris personally oversees and monitors adoption requests as a form of repentance for what happened to Sunset Blaze. As a refresher; Sunset was an orphan that the Prince took under his wing just to fulfill a vision of him being the Element of Magic. Solaris feels shame for having stolen his old student's chance to lead a normal life with an adopted family.
This is definetly the most crucial and most important chapter of this whole story, the one chapter that remained in my mind ever since you made it and i read it.
It has had such an impact that whenever i read spike centered stories, this particular story pops into my mind and especially chapters from "The Talk" up untill here is always read by me.
This is now atleast 15th time i read it no joke. Including the past 2 or 3 chapters.
This is a gem that not many are able to make. An iconic spike story like the NMM story the past sins. Atleast to me.
Now im off to read the new story and the last 3 chapters i saved to binge on
If I were Barb, I'd probably tell that Red bitch that I would gouge out her eyes along with the other asses at the house, but then I realized to my horror while reading this that they wouldn't understand the language. Dear god, it's horrifying. Well done on this story, I was skeptical about the gender flipped thing and the fact that Barb knows about the actual show, but you did an amazing job and kept me reading.
I almost broke at the end right there, my puny mind cannot comprehend the layer of cakes in the batter, but then I thought about 'The Stacked Multiverse Theory", It all made sense afterward.
I flipping knew it! Once I had what the first two words were, it's not that hard to guess. Or well, more accurately, there aren't many words that fit.
Words cannot express how beautiful the words you'd woven are.
Every letter's dripping with emotions. I can't bloody stress this enough, English isn't my first language but even I still can feel every mixture of sorrow, anger, joy, sadness, everything!
There is no work of fiction better deserving of a Hugo award than yours. I swear to God, if you ever decide to formally publish this work, I'm buying a truckload just to bump it up to best seller. The world needs to see your creation. There is no other pedestal worthy of your work quality than "above all", über alles.
I've read a lot of regular novels, webnovels, fanfictions, and other creative literary work people had made, and yours is by far the only one that succeeded in making me full on melancholic, destroyed me, irritated me, angered me, pissed me off. But that is exactly what I came here for. I saw the premise, how the synopsis was written. I knew what I was going into, but somehow you blasted off so far away from my feeble little expectations that I was left feeling small, insignificant. Never have I ever see a work of art as beautifully maddening as this one.
And there are still several more chapters to go. This here isn't the end, albeit close, but it was already enough to stir me up so violently that the real world feels so empty and hollow compared to the rich, darkly vibrant, and crushingly sensational work you've written.
I hate how you portray Solaris. I hate your portrayal of Solaris. I hate everything you've written. I hate how everyone acts in your story. I hate it all because YOU wrote them in such a way that I feel like a changeling drained me of my emotions. And that's what I'm in for. I hate it because I love it.
I love it.
Jesus fucking Christ I love this work.
And in the very end, after all the rollercoasters and a barrel of lies and regrets, instead of providing the facts and shutting up he tries to convince her. To manipulate her to test her devotion.
I've got even better ones:
- Nothing that lives for that long can remain sane. (c)