Dat cover art

Also dat chapter title "Works"––>"Work"

ChrysalisXHuman? Interesting...

I normally don't comment, but i felt the need to express some pros and cons i read in this chapter.

First of all i like that your making your own universe instead of piggybacking off of already existing ones as it allows you the opportunity to change technological/magical reactions that borrowing someone elses universe may or may not restrict. same thing can be applied to how Equis creatures react to the new neighbors and vice-versa, which you have already taken the liberty of implementing for the story. it makes me wonder what else will be different from other stories and roots itself deeper into my brain than any fifth or sixth 'set in ____ Universe' normally accomplishes.

The Introduction of Nova Star was good, but her nervousness and strong opinion of Changelings when the Overheard conversation brought them up might as well have yodeled " I am a Changeling in disguise". this is feels a bit weird as one would expect a creature born with shape-shifting abilities and a lifetime of anonymity would not be a mediocre liar or become so unnerved when Changelings are mentioned. it may be later revealed that she may not be Crysalis and is instead a new changeling just getting into the swing of things, but she shouldn't be quite so obvious. on a lighter note she also didn't regurgitate her story in one sitting, which encourages us to wonder more about her (albeit much more discernible) character

Your experimental writing style is unique, but sometimes a little hard to follow, Though it certainly does feel more like I'm listening to an actual person rather than a heavily edited Gold Star published. that being said some clean up is desired as i found the 'um,'s and pauses somewhat flow breaking. Let the character get his thoughts together. (Rhymed)! oh wait...

The establishment of Brandon Casey as a character was very well done. He(You) didn't introduce him by stating 'I am an average' such and such, which is usually where the first red flags waves enthusiastically in the center of my computer screen, as average people are boring and have no right to be a main character.
Instead he(You) started with a little bit of his family life, school life, some insight into his personal evaluation, and built his personality and attitude through thought input and his social interactions throughout the chapter. I find this much more appealing as it encourages you to look at the character yourself to see who he is, rather than dumping his facts and preferences on us in the first few paragraphs.
It makes the Character feel like a person rather than a factory belt line produced protagonist with a name(and in some cases without), he has flaws and fears, dreams and happiness. some stories make the mistake of summarizing their main characters; then forget to expand, giving a shallow/hollow feel to them, and forget to make us care about the characters personal struggles and triumphs. This is not one of those stories and its clear you understand the importance of proper character development.

All in all i like the direction your story is headed. Don't take from this that i don't think this story isn't worth continuing because it most certainly is. I just didn't want to say 'this is a good chapter' without leaving some feedback, and I hope to see it expand and improve as we journey onward together.
(Est. time to finish comment and editing; 45 Min. A new Personal! God. this one was long.)(Proudly edited post-post 3 4 5 times)

5052787 I really am gald that you took the time to comment on this. Truthfully I was worried no one would like this way of writing.

And for your thought of Nova Star there is a reason on that on how she (might even be a she for all we know) was made and will be shown in later chapters.

Good start to a good story. Hope to see more.

Also I love Chrysalis. Nice to see a new HumanxChrysi fic.

5052977 I have read a few chrysalis human stories but there not a lot to say 'huge demands' for them . So I thought let's just add one more see what happena

5053819 I write fics with humans and changelings in them. I like the idea of this one.

your summary... is a bit off.

When a portal is made between the human world and Equestria, and years of treaties made, at last, humans and ponies alike, even a few other of the races that wish to go through; an live in any of the two worlds that they wish.

I... honestly don't understand it. This summary just feels grammatically wrong. Also I'm pretty sure the "an" after the semicolon is supposed to be "can". Honestly, though, I don't think that semicolon is supposed to be there. How about:
"After years of treaties and debates since the portal to Equestria appeared, Earthlings and Equestrians can finally live in any of the two worlds they wish."

... or something like that. Sounds better when you say it out load, doesn't it?

Dat Chrysie plushie...

It was a bit difficult for me at some sentences, but the most of it is interessting and i think it is a good story.
I have not much time right now, but i like it and read more.

I liked it, then again I always enjoy reading about Chrysalis

global3.memecdn.com/feel-like-a-gentlecolt_o_581586.jpg

The mustache people demands more of this fiction. Please continue your fine art gentleman !

5055903 Jesus Christ my heart that pic is dangerous use it responsibly.

You have my attention. Grammar and spelling could use a little work though

First off, The Great Aperture To Equestria is NOT a stupid name.
A proofreader or beta reader could be very useful to you withwithout needing to really change your writing style. You do have quite a few glitches here and there that could easily be fixed.
Nova seems fairly inexperienced in infiltration. Seems she mentioned being from Manehatten once then Cloudsdale the next, not to mention her emotive transparency....
Keep going! ;)

The start was a little quirky, but as it progressed I liked it a lot. With a proofreader and an editor, this story would easily reach the featured box.
i168.photobucket.com/albums/u189/sxstr/snazzyspace/graphicfolder/page-graphics/stay-classy.png

5058426 there is a reason as to why she was saying those things with later in a furture chapter will be shown

5058646 I always did try to find a editor and I known many are busy but it seems that when someone does do a editor they ether don't hearvback so until then I'm fine with as is.

I write just to write really I'm glad people think that this story is good and such

5058920 I know the feeling man. I have eleven stories and only two of them have editors. It's hard to find one that actually replies. Try to post a thread on the editors group, or see if there's a free editor and PM him, it's not enough to say you don't have n editor, you must take the initiative.

5058920 I have all of the free time.

Not some of the free time, ALL of the free time. So if you want a proofreader....

5082598 well if you like go ahead then I would love it

5082606 I'll edit this one once I get home.

5082651 alrighty when done just give it to me ether pm or email whatever is best for ypu

5055117 yeah I can understand it being hard to read. It was a new way of writing I wanted to try. It was to be a way of writing like how I think in a sense.

i liked it , and i'm looking forward to more, although the way it's written makes it hard to follow sometimes but still like it

stay cassy

more please?

5317612 a update is coming very soon do not worry

5328377 ok.

The laws of these lands, are much like your own, though, if you are caught doing any unjust laws, or actives, you shall be sent to your home world at once; for trail, and be banished from Equestria.

Mh, the question is, was this arranged with the rest of their world's leaders?

Good, but with a lot of typos.

“But…I’ll admit…it was a smart plan, maybe she could’ve gotten away with it.”

*Thinks of multiple analyses of those episodes* Don't most people tear her plan apart as stupid? She didn't even do any research on her target such that she was easily found out. Further, after her cover was actually cemented, she breaks it to throw Twilight at the REAL Cadance instead of continuing to stay in her new character.

Nice start. Never enough Chryssie stories. :3

Cya
Raziel-chan

So, just gonna throw this one out there, FM and AM radio works the exact same. One is just a higher band of EM radiation, and can't reach as far because of it.

Story seems pretty good so far, and it reads like a conversation. No obvious grammatical issues in the title chapter, so I shall carry on. Cheers.

you need to double space. that wall of text is too stronk

6776681

Not quite. AM and FM also vary in how they encode the audio information in the radio waveform.

Here's an animated diagram comparing how the same signal waveform (audio) would be encoded at the same carrier frequency (what you tune your radio dial to) using AM and FM:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a4/Amfm3-en-de.gif

"Doing any unjust laws"? Laws are rules, not actions, so it's imposible to 'do an unjust law'.