I'm going back to the ocean, dry land is doomed.
Twilight is called to Canterlot to take a test but has no idea why and Celestia isn't giving her any hints.
So naturally, Twilight gets a bit bent out of shape for her upcoming test and all hell breaks loose. But that soon changes, for better or for worse.
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Sunbutt's butt budded a tail in the cover art.
Eh, it didn't really catch me.
The part with Pinkie Pie and the thugs didn't really add much (in my opinion). The story seems to jump from event to event without really developing anyone of them. I felt like the biggest problem though was the overall content. From the description I was expecting to see a lot of Twilight freaking out about a test. We had a little of that at the start but it was quickly passed over to her trip to Canterlot. I would have liked if that was developed more. Maybe that's coming in future chapters, but one didn't manage to grab me. Sorry.
Part of it could just be my tastes. Normally I'm not a fan of random, but the description pulled me in.
Good news is for a first fic it could have been much worse. My recommendation would be to spend more time developing the ideas and events (you had 4 major scenes in under 2000 words (the library, in Ponyville, the thugs, and meeting Luna)). People who prefer more random stories that bounce around may disagree however. Keep writing and best of luck with future chapters.
Cute! Good for a first fic. Could use more fleshing out. Will follow and see where it goes.
5489428 *reads comment*
*confused, goes back up to the picture*
*sees what you mean*
Her tail is coming out of her mark...
5490244 Yeah. I actually quoted Cinemare Sins (on the channel LittleShyFiM) "Everything Wrong with Friendship is Magic Part 2".
5490050 I see where you're coming from and i'm making sure the events in chapter 2 are more detailed, and less rushed. Thank you for voicing, or rather typing, your opinion.
As for the cover art, I hadn't noticed that problem, I might change the cover art, or I might just leave it.
Thanks for taking the time to read it
.
You switched randomly from past tense to present tense, which threw me for a loop.
Otherwise, cool story! Although maybe a bit confusing at times
5857105 That is the part I only wrote about an hour ago and I didn't really proofread it. I'll change it.
As for the confusing part, well, I guess I'll try to.....not.....confuse you as much? Sorry.
Twilight used to go to Joe's when she was still living in Canterlot. She knows its location.
5857213 I completely forgot about that. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll get to changing it.
Can someone explain to me why so many people freak out over tests? Honestly, I enjoy them and will take them even if I'm unprepared! ...Which is also seventy-five percent of the time. So why are there so many people that fear them?!
Did you reference that game where you have to make Twilight walk? If so, you did it masterfully! Great story so far, I'll definitely track it for now, and possibly move it over later to my favourites.
5860938 Yes I did reference that game. Although the game itself is very aggravating.
I wouldn't say I fear tests, because most of the time I am too lazy to care. They still make me nervous. It might just be me. Thanks for reading so far!