A Fragile Life
Rainbow Dash pushed the last storm cloud into place as the wind steadily grew stronger, and then flew a small circle beneath the clouds to ensure that everything was in order.
The storm was powerful, and Rainbow knew that she only had a few minutes left before it would become too dangerous to fly. Still, she was the Pegasus in charge of weather in Ponyville, and it was her duty to be the last one on the scene. She never left until she was one hundred percent satisfied that the storm wouldn't be too strong, or break up too early.
Finished with her inspection, Rainbow was turning toward her home when something small suddenly hurtled right past her face. She squinted against the wind and saw a small bird tumbling through the air and heading straight for the trunk of a tree.
Realizing that the poor bird wouldn't survive an impact at that speed, Rainbow rocketed forward. She stayed low to the ground where the wind wasn't quite as strong, and as she caught up with the bird, she swooped upward and twisted in the air.
The bird collided with her soft chest and clung to her as she placed her hooves over it protectively. At that moment, a strong gust of wind hit her and nearly spun her around.
She glanced down at her charge and muttered, "I gotta get you somewhere safe." A quick look at the clouds above confirmed what she already suspected. "It's gonna start raining any second now. There's no time to find a shelter for you. You're gonna have to come home with me."
A torrent of rain began to fall as her home in the clouds came into view. Doing her best to shield the bird from the storm, she raced through the curtains of water and landed on her doorstep.
Quickly taking the bird inside where it would be safe from the fierce wind, Rainbow took a closer look at her new companion. It was a blue jay. A male, judging from its brilliant blue feathers.
Although Rainbow spent most of her time in the sky, she never really gave much thought to the creatures she shared it with. She typically ignored them unless they made a nuisance of themselves, but she couldn't help but think that this particular bird was beautiful.
As she gently set the blue jay down, he squawked and promptly fell onto his side.
Rainbow watched with a frown as he flapped his wings wildly in an attempt to stand before scooping the injured creature up.
"You must have hurt your leg out there," Rainbow mused as she carried him to her bedroom. "Well, don't you worry, champ. My friend Fluttershy will fix you up in no time." She pulled her Wonderbolt uniform that she had brought home from the academy out of her closet and folded it into a makeshift bed. "I'll take you to her as soon as the storm dies down." Laying the blue jay on her uniform, she covered him with the sleeves. "Just try and get some rest. I'm gonna grab a quick nap myself. Whipping up that storm was exhausting."
Rainbow climbed into bed with a huge yawn. "Sleep tight."
She fell asleep almost instantaneously, having used a lot of energy putting the storm together. When she awoke several hours later, she could see sunlight streaming in through her windows.
With a big stretch, Rainbow sat up and scratched her flank as her eyes landed on the dozing bird beside the bed.
"Time to wake up," Rainbow said softly as she gently prodded the blue jay.
As he snapped awake, the blue jay suddenly squawked in fright and began flapping his wings furiously, and effectively tangled himself in the sleeves of her uniform.
"Whoa, calm down!" Rainbow cried as she struggled to untangle the panicking bird. "It's me, remember? I'm gonna take you to Fluttershy's now."
Rainbow wasn't sure if it was her voice or the mention of Fluttershy's name, but the blue jay immediately calmed down. A moment later, she had succeeded in freeing the bird from the sleeve, and scooping him up, began the short flight to Fluttershy's cottage.
She landed on Fluttershy's doorstep and knocked, then looked down at her companion. "It's gonna take a minute," Rainbow explained to the blue jay. "She has to work up the courage to answer the door. Normally, I'd be too impatient to wait and just barge in, but here lately I've been trying to be a bit more respectful, you know?" She rolled her eyes. "Besides, every time I barge in there I scare the life out of her. Seriously, I think I've scared a good three years off of her lifespan by now."
Finally, a tentative voice spoke through the door. "Who's there?"
"It's me, Fluttershy. C'mon and open the door already!"
Once the door had opened halfway, Rainbow held the blue jay out in front of her. "I found this bird caught out in the storm earlier and I—"
"Oh my goodness!" Fluttershy exclaimed as she yanked the bird from Rainbow's grip. "We need to fix that leg right away!"
Cradling the blue jay against her chest, Fluttershy began to speak soothingly to him as she turned and shut the door.
"All right, then," Rainbow spoke to the closed door. "Take good care of him."
Although Rainbow snorted with irritation as she took to the air, she really wasn't too angry with her friend. She knew that whenever Fluttershy came across an injured animal, she would become so frantic to help that she would forget that anypony else existed. It was a mild annoyance to Rainbow at most, and nothing that she would ever complain about.
Since her visit with Fluttershy had been cut much shorter than planned, and she had finished all of her weather duties early due to the storm, Rainbow decided to work on a new stunt that she had devised about a week ago. She was making pretty good progress on it, but it still wasn't quite how she had envisioned it.
As she practiced, Rainbow's mind returned to the blue jay.
She hoped that he was okay, and then immediately wondered why she cared so much. This wasn't the first time that she had seen an injured animal. She had witnessed Fluttershy caring for a number of hurt creatures, and she had never taken an interest in them before. What was so special about this bird? And why was she so worried about him?
After a couple of hours, Rainbow heard a loud cry, and glancing down, found Twilight and Pinkie Pie sitting in the field below.
Now that she had an audience, Rainbow abandoned her practice and began to treat them to a show. There was nothing she enjoyed more than showing off her skills to her friends, and she grinned with self-regard as their cheers reached her ears.
Rainbow performed one last flip in the air before diving toward them recklessly, and with a neat, tight loop, she landed lightly on the ground beside Twilight.
"Hey, guys," Rainbow greeted. "What's up?"
"Hiya, Rainbow!" Pinkie shouted as she enveloped her in an enormous hug that lifted her off of the ground.
"Pink!" Rainbow gasped as the last of the air was squeezed from her lungs.
Suddenly, Pinkie released her, causing Rainbow to fall to the ground. "Eww, Dashie! You're all sweaty!"
Rainbow rolled her eyes as she climbed back to her hooves. "Duh. That tends to happen when you're active on a warm day."
Pinkie shrugged. "That's okay!" She latched back onto Rainbow and pulled her tight. "Your sweat smells amazing!"
"Uh, Pinkie..." Twilight said, looking embarrassed. "I don't think that's Dash you're smelling. You've got icing in your mane."
"Oh," Pinkie said as she stepped back and sniffed her mane. "I was wondering why Dash smelled like cupcakes."
Rainbow and Twilight exchanged looks while Pinkie giggled and snorted. Then Rainbow said, "You guys hungry? I haven't eaten since before the storm."
"I'm always hungry!" Pinkie exclaimed.
Twilight chuckled. "I could go for a quick bite."
"Great," Rainbow smiled. "Let's go."
As she followed her two friends back into town, Rainbow's thoughts unexpectedly turned to the blue jay.
Was it her fault that the bird was injured? She had followed all of the precautions that she always did before bringing in a strong storm, but maybe she hadn't taken enough consideration for the animals. She'd never really worried about them before; she had always figured that they could take care of themselves. Had she been neglectful? Could she have done something to prevent him from being hurt?
Before Rainbow could ponder on this for too long, the friends arrived at the café.
They made the unanimous decision to eat outside and headed for a large table close to the building. There were piles of hay for seating, and as the three of them sat, a waiter came to their table.
After they ordered, Rainbow listened to Pinkie as she told them about her latest adventures foalsitting the Cake twins. While the eccentric Earth pony enthusiastically told her tale, Rainbow's mind went back to the bird.
Why am I so worried? It's just a stupid bird.
Because you're responsible for his injury, a second voice spoke up in her head.
He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Animals get caught out in storms all the time.
But it was YOUR storm, the voice insisted.
"Rainbow, are you okay?" Twilight suddenly asked.
"Huh?" Rainbow blinked, and found that Twilight and Pinkie were both watching her uncertainly. A moment later, she realized that their food was sitting on the table.
"The waiter just brought the food, and you didn't even acknowledge him," Twilight told her.
"Yeah," Pinkie chimed in. "You were like totally zonked out."
Rainbow quickly lowered her gaze to her daisy sandwich and said, "Oh, well, uh...it's nothing."
She glanced up in time to catch the look that Pinkie and Twilight were sharing, and knew exactly what they were thinking.
"Okay, fine. I'm just feeling a little guilty. All right?" Rainbow glared at the two of them, daring them to say something smart about it.
Instead, Twilight cocked her head. "Guilty? About what?"
"Well..." Rainbow hesitated. It was always so difficult for her to share her feelings with her friends. She had so much trouble finding the right words to express herself, and she always worried that they would think she went soft or laugh at her.
"You can tell us anything, Dashie," Pinkie said with an assuring smile. "You know that, don't you?"
Rainbow returned her friend's smile. Of course she knew that. She was safe with these two, they would never judge her.
"During the storm, while I was placing the last few clouds, I found a bird caught out in the strong winds. He was tumbling through the air and heading straight for a tree, so I went after him and caught him just before he hit it."
"Great save, Dash!" Pinkie exclaimed, holding out a hoof.
Rainbow hoof bumped her friend. "I took him home with me so he would be safe until the storm was over, but when I set him down I noticed that his leg was hurt." Rainbow met Twilight's concerned gaze. "I got him over to Fluttershy as quickly as I could and she's caring for him now, but I can't stop worrying about him."
"And you feel guilty because he was hurt in your storm," Twilight finished.
"Yeah." Rainbow nodded. "Pretty dumb, huh?"
Twilight shook her head. "Guilt rarely makes sense to anypony except the one suffering from it, but that doesn't make it dumb."
"I guess..."
"Do you know what you should do?" When Rainbow slowly shook her head, Twilight explained, "You should go visit him after we're done. Telling him you're sorry may help as well."
Now Rainbow really felt stupid. "But he's just a dumb bird."
Twilight smiled as she reached across the table and laid her hoof on Rainbow's. "If you really believed that, then you wouldn't feel guilty."
Rainbow stared at Twilight's hoof covering her own. Ordinarily, she didn't like anypony touching her hooves, but this time, Twilight's friendly gesture brought her comfort.
With a chuckle, Rainbow remarked, "You know me too well, Twilight. It gets kinda creepy sometimes."
With a giggle, Twilight removed her hoof. "You're just really easy to read sometimes."
"All right," Rainbow stated. "As soon as I'm done eating, I'm gonna head on over to Fluttershy's."
Twilight smiled. "Good to hear."
For the rest of their meal, the three talked and laughed together, and Rainbow soon forgot her guilt. Finished, she wished her friends a good night and then took to the air.
As soon as Fluttershy's cottage came into view, her worries resurfaced. Just how badly had he been hurt? What if Fluttershy couldn't help him?
So absorbed was she in her thoughts that she almost barged straight into the cottage. She stopped herself and instead knocked on the door.
After only a short moment, Rainbow lost her patience. "It's only me, Fluttershy."
Immediately, the door swung open. "Oh, hello, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "How are you?"
"I'm...good...I guess..." Rainbow turned her gaze to the bushes beside the door, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "I'm just here to see how that bird I brought here earlier is doing."
"R-really?" Fluttershy asked, her eyes wide with surprise.
"Well...yeah." Rainbow cocked an eyebrow. "That is okay, isn't it?"
"Y-yes," Fluttershy stuttered. "O-of course it is."
Rainbow closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew that she didn't need to hide her feelings from Fluttershy, and silently chastened herself for being so abrasive toward her. The two of them were great friends, and Fluttershy always understood her.
With an apologetic smile, Rainbow gave Fluttershy's cheek a light nuzzle. "Sorry, Fluttershy. I've just been having a rough day."
Fluttershy's face brightened instantly. "It's okay, Rainbow." She indicated the stairs that led to her bedroom. "He's right upstairs."
Rainbow followed her friend up the stairs and to a small makeshift bed set up on the bedside table.
The blue jay was lying on the bed with his leg in a cast and looking extremely bored. Upon catching sight of Rainbow, he perked up and began chirping.
"Aww." Fluttershy smiled. "Rainbow, he's happy to see you."
"Hey there, champ." Rainbow grinned. "How's that leg doing?"
The bird tweeted and then Fluttershy said, "He says it still really hurts, but he's very thankful you saved him from hitting that tree."
"Yeah, about that..." Rainbow scratched her head. "I'm really sorry that you got hurt in my storm. I should have paid more attention to the animals when I was putting it together. Maybe if I had, you wouldn't be hurt right now."
Fluttershy listened to the bird for a moment, then smiled before translating. "He says it wasn't your fault. He should have stayed where he was instead of trying to beat the storm."
"You mean...he isn't mad at me? He doesn't blame me?"
With a quiet giggle, Fluttershy shook her head. "He likes you, Rainbow. And he thinks that spin you did when you caught him was pretty cool."
Rainbow flashed a cocky smile. "You think that was cool, huh? I wasn't even warmed up. You oughta see me once I get going."
The bird chirped. "He would like that," Fluttershy told her.
For the next hour, Rainbow talked with the bird while Fluttershy sat on the bed, grinning the whole time. Rainbow knew that Fluttershy was enjoying the fact that she was bonding with an animal, and truth be told, she was enjoying it too.
Finally, Fluttershy stood and said, "Okay, that's enough talk. This little guy needs to get some rest."
"Yeah, I gotta get to bed myself," Rainbow agreed. "I'm gonna have to get up early tomorrow, I have a lot of weather duties to do. The day after the storm is always harder than the storm itself." As she started down the stairs, she waved to Fluttershy, then turned her gaze to the blue jay. "See ya, champ! Take it easy, now."
Rainbow left the cottage and headed home, a pleasant smile on her face. She was so happy that she had taken Twilight's advice. She felt much better about everything, and better still, she now had a new friend.
The sun was beginning its descent behind the horizon as she arrived home. She took a moment to appreciate the sunset before going inside and climbing into bed.
It had been an exhausting day, and she quickly slipped into a deep sleep.
Rainbow awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. With a glance out the window, she saw that the sun hadn't yet risen and entered the kitchen for some breakfast.
After finishing her oats, she stepped outside as the sky began to glow with the rays of first light.
For the next several hours, she busily worked at clearing the clouds. There were a lot more than usual, and many were still filled with water, which meant that she had to be careful where she busted them. Also, many had become thick and were low to the ground, threatening the town with a dense fog.
While she worked, Rainbow's thoughts repeatedly returned to the blue jay. He was just such a cool and adorable little guy, and she couldn't wait to visit him when she finished. She had seen hundreds of birds in her life, but never had she met one that was so awesome.
After what felt like an eternity, Rainbow finally finished her weather duties and headed straight for Fluttershy's cottage. Knocking on the door, she was surprised when her friend opened it after only a few moments.
"Hi, Rainbow. I figured you'd be stopping by soon." Fluttershy offered a small smile, but wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Yeah, I just wanted to come by and see how my little pal was doing."
Fluttershy rubbed her leg with a hoof as she turned her gaze to the bushes beside the door. "Well...he's resting right now...so maybe you could come back later?"
"Sure." Rainbow nodded. "When do you think would be a good time?"
Her friend sighed as she shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe after dinner?"
"Okay, sounds cool." Rainbow studied her friend for a moment. "I know you've probably been busy all night, would you like me to pick you up anything from town? Something special for breakfast, or anything like that?"
Fluttershy finally met her gaze and smiled sweetly. "No, but thank you, Rainbow Dash. You're a great friend."
Rainbow cocked an eyebrow. Fluttershy's last comment had struck her as an odd thing to say. "You sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," Fluttershy insisted. "I'll see you later this evening."
"All right..." Rainbow scratched her head. "I'll see you then."
She watched Fluttershy uncertainly as she closed the door, and then took to the air. Glancing back at the cottage as she flew away, Rainbow wondered what could have upset Fluttershy so much.
Rainbow contemplated going back and trying to talk with her, but decided that Fluttershy probably wanted to be left alone. She'd come back after dinner, as she had promised, and then she wouldn't leave until she knew what was bothering her.
Unsure what to do with the rest of her morning, Rainbow went back to practicing her new stunt. After a couple of hours, she passed by the schoolhouse as the foals were leaving and asked Scootaloo if she wanted to hang out.
Once the little filly enthusiastically accepted her invitation, Rainbow tossed her onto her back and took to the sky.
Together, they spent the afternoon playing games and talking, and then they shared dinner at the restaurant of Scootaloo's choice. After their meal, Rainbow dropped her honorary sister off at her home, and then made her way to Fluttershy's cottage.
When she arrived, she found Fluttershy sitting in front of the door. As Rainbow landed beside her, she asked, "So, how's the little guy doing?"
Fluttershy continued to look forward. "He's gone, Rainbow."
"Really? He's better already?" Rainbow turned her gaze to the surrounding trees. "Do you know where he went?"
With a heavy sigh, Fluttershy met her gaze. "No, Rainbow. He passed on."
Rainbow blinked. "What do you mean?"
"He had an infection in the break of his leg. I didn't realize it until he became feverish last night." Fluttershy closed her eyes and shook her head. "I gave him some antibiotics, but they weren't enough. He died a couple of hours ago."
Rainbow could only stare at her.
Fluttershy placed a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "He was just too hurt for me to help. I'm sorry, Rainbow."
"But...but I saved him," Rainbow spoke quietly. "And you were fixing his leg."
"I'm sorry," Fluttershy repeated.
It didn't make any sense. She had rescued him from the storm, and Fluttershy had been caring for him. How could he be dead? They had just been talking together yesterday, and he had seemed fine. She didn't understand.
Suddenly, Fluttershy hugged her tightly. "It's okay to cry," she whispered into her ear.
As if Fluttershy had flipped a switch, Rainbow's tears burst forth. Gripping her friend tightly, Rainbow buried her face in her soft shoulder and wept silently. While she cried, Fluttershy spoke softly to her, and although Rainbow couldn't hear exactly what she was saying, her soothing voice helped calm her.
Once Rainbow gained control of herself, Fluttershy smiled sadly. "There's something I need to show you."
Numbly, Rainbow followed her friend up the stairs, but slowed to a halt when she saw the makeshift bed.
"It's okay," Fluttershy reassured her. "Look how peaceful he looks."
Hesitantly, Rainbow stepped forward and looked at the blue jay. He was lying on his side with his eyes closed, as if he were merely sleeping.
"He does look peaceful," Rainbow agreed softly.
"He's in a better place now," Fluttershy said. "He doesn't hurt anymore."
Fluttershy gently raised the bird with obvious reverence. "Would you like to carry him? I will, if you don't feel comfortable."
"Yeah, I'll carry him." Rainbow took the bird and cradled him to her chest. "I'm so sorry."
Placing a hoof under Rainbow's chin, Fluttershy lifted her head and met her gaze. "It isn't your fault, Rainbow Dash. Sometimes animals, and ponies, just die. It isn't anypony's fault, and nopony can stop it. It was just his time."
Rainbow lowered her eyes back to the bird. "I guess you're right..."
"Now, come with me," Fluttershy instructed as she started back down the stairs.
Confused, Rainbow followed her friend out the door and around the back of her cottage. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see," Fluttershy replied as she led the way toward the distant tree line.
After a few minutes of walking through the dense trees and thick brush, they came upon a large cave.
"Through here," Fluttershy said as she started into the cave.
Rainbow looked around in wonder. "I never knew this was back here."
"I know."
Without warning, the cave suddenly opened up into a small valley with a tiny lake and several little waterfalls trickling down the rocks. Sunlight flooded the area from an opening above and glistened on the lush grass beneath them.
Fluttershy turned and smiled. "This is my secret place. You're the first pony I've ever brought here." Walking over to the rock wall, she picked up a shovel. "It's so beautiful here. It really is the perfect final resting place."
As Rainbow gazed at the little valley in awe, she noticed several small rocks placed in neat rows along the ground. She moved closer for a better look and saw that they all had words written on them with what appeared to be chalk.
"Why were you hiding this place from us?" Rainbow asked as her eyes landed on a rock inscribed with the name Nutters. "Hey...I remember Nutters..."
Fluttershy crouched beside her and gave the rock a loving stroke. "Yes, he passed on about a month ago." Seeing the expression on Rainbow's face, she smiled. "It's okay. It was his time. He was very old."
Finally realizing what the valley was, Rainbow's eyes swept over the stones with a new perspective.
Every rock must mark the grave of one of her animals, Rainbow comprehended. Geez...here I was thinking she couldn't handle anything on her own, and she's been coping with all of this all by herself.
"I haven't been hiding this place from you," Fluttershy explained as she stood back up. "I just never needed to show it to any of you. I know that I'll eventually have to show the others." She indicated the rocks spread throughout the valley with the shovel. "None of your pets are going to live forever. Opal, Winona, and even Tank will pass on one day, and that was when I planned on sharing this place with you."
Rainbow turned her gaze to the small bird cradled in her hooves. "If their lives are so short, then why do we bother?" She looked at her friend with tear brimmed eyes. "I don't want to go through this again with Tank."
"We do it because the end isn't important," Fluttershy said as she gently wiped a tear from Rainbow's face. "What's important is the time we spend with them, and the memories that they help us create. They fill our lives with joy and love, and when they go, a small part of them remain in our hearts." She stroked her friend's cheek. "That's what makes them worth it, and what makes the pain of losing them bearable."
Fluttershy carefully took the blue jay from her and laid him on the ground. "You only had one evening with him, but you enjoyed it. Didn't you?"
"Yeah..."
"Remember that joy the two of you shared, and he will never truly leave you."
"Okay," Rainbow said as she wiped her eyes.
"Would you like to dig?" Fluttershy asked as she offered her the shovel.
Rainbow swallowed hard, and then nodded.
The ground was soft, and the shovel sank into it with ease. As she worked, Fluttershy trotted over to the lake, and returned once Rainbow was finished digging.
With a quick glance into the hole, Fluttershy instructed, "Just a little deeper." After Rainbow removed several more scoops of earth, Fluttershy smiled. "Perfect."
Slowly, and with great care, Rainbow lifted the blue jay and placed him inside the hole. She stared at his little form for several moments before finally tearing her eyes away, and with a silent goodbye, she began to fill in the grave.
After dumping the third scoop of earth into the grave, Rainbow came to an abrupt halt. The finality of the moment nearly overcame her, but then she remembered Fluttershy's words. Focusing her thoughts on that evening the three of them had shared, Rainbow found the strength to finish the job.
Once the grave was completely filled in, Fluttershy gave Rainbow two rocks. One looked identical to the others that were laying around the field, while the other was smaller and ended in a point.
"I don't really know my rocks, but I know if you scratch the bigger one with the point of the smaller one, you can write whatever you want." Fluttershy brushed her mane out of her face. "It never fades, and not even rain washes it off."
Rainbow blinked at the stone. "What should I write?"
"I don't know." Fluttershy shrugged. "Something so you'll always know that this is where he's buried." She picked up the shovel. "I'll leave you alone, now."
She stared at the rock for a long moment. What could she possibly write? She'd only spent a single evening with him. He didn't even have a name.
Suddenly, she knew exactly what to write.
Taking the smaller rock in her mouth, she painstakingly etched the letters onto the larger rock.
The task completed, Rainbow stepped back and admired her work. On the rock, displayed in white letters, was a single word.
Champ.
Rainbow smiled as she gazed at his name. It was perfect.
She realized then just how precious life was. They only had so much time in this world, and then they would be gone. She understood now just how important it was to spend that time with her friends and truly make the most of it.
From this day on, she was going to make certain that, once she was gone, her friends would have plenty of happy memories to overcome their grief.
Rainbow turned and made her way to the entrance of the cave. There she found Fluttershy sitting in the sun and smiling as she watched a butterfly flitter by overhead.
It occurred to her then that Fluttershy had always understood the fragility of life, and not only accepted it, but embraced it.
As she stepped out into the sunlight, Rainbow marveled at the clear blue sky above. It seemed so much more beautiful than it had a half hour ago. Like the sky, she felt as though her heart was clear.
She was alive, she had amazing friends to spend her life with, and it felt wonderful. She couldn't wait to get home to Tank, there was so much that she wanted to say to him.
But first, she was going to treasure her time with her best friend.
"Hey, Fluttershy, I feel like a little flight around the lake and back. You want to join me?"
Fluttershy grinned. "I would love to."
Rainbow gazed at the trees around them before rounding on Fluttershy. "If I died, what would you remember about me?"
Fluttershy studied her for a moment, then answered, "I'd remember all the times you convinced me to try new things, and how you were always there to support me when I was scared." She cocked her head. "What about you?"
Rainbow threw a leg around her shoulders. "I'd remember this moment. Right now."
With a giggle, Fluttershy took to the air. Smiling after her friend, Rainbow lifted off.
Together, the two of them spent the rest of the evening creating memories.
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This was a beautiful story to read.
Thanks for writing!
This is a peaceful story. I enjoy that.
My condolences if it was brought on or inspired by recent, actual events.
5050072
That is very kind of you.
But not really. I found a bird with a broken leg after a storm about two weeks ago and after calling around for a while found someone who could rehabilitate it, but it died overnight. I can't really say that it was upsetting or anything, but it was a bit sad to check on it in the morning and find it dead. It was then that this story idea popped into my head, and wouldn't quick nagging me until I wrote it. Hopefully, this story will touch people, and that poor little life will have meant something.
5048785
Thanks! And your welcome!
That was a simply beautiful little read. You can have a like, fave and a subscribe for that. Thank you!
This is such a beautiful story! I read it twice
You earned a favorite!
MY FEELS
My feels
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5055929 doesn't it have to be 8,000 words to be submited to EQD?
Edit: oh, 2,500... Yeah, I will consider that.
Damn that was simply one heck of a beautiful story. You as an author definitely know how to tug at my heart-strings, damn... I couldn't help but cry. I am a huge bird watching fanatic and love all manner of animals, and it is indeed sad when you see something like that, just die. Anyway you did a great job on the characterisation of all ponies especially in your interpretation of RD and in Fshy and your plot was just simply sublime.
Well done and thank you very much for writing.
-Frost
5082037 Thank you very much. I'm glad that I was able to invoke those feelings. They are indeed beautiful creatures, and it's a pity that so many think so little of them.
First, congratulations on getting featured on Equestria Daily, I mean that in all sincerity.
However, I have to play devil's advocate. The story is fine in execution, by no means is it bad. My problem is you really spoil things from the main page, and it's not any real fault of your own. This is a story about Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy caring for an injured animal and promises Rainbow will learn a lesson about life. The second you tell us that, my thought is "that bird is a goner." It's a story that is very worn out, it's obvious the bird will not survive, all that remains to be seen is which aesop you choose to convey from the circumstance. You do the plot well for what it is, it's just, I've seen it, and it really sucks a lot of the drama out when I know this story going in. I skimmed parts of the story because what interested me was which moral you were going to deliver at the end more than the story that the moral was carried on.
That said, I really enjoyed your use of Fluttershy in this story, particularly when she takes Rainbow to the graveyard, because when someone takes care of as many animals as she does she's going to have some of them not make it, and it plays well to her character showing how strong she really is under her meek and shy exterior that she can cope with those losses and be well-adjusted and happy. I've often wondered how animal care workers and hospital staff can cope with such careers for this reason, and you handle that matter well with the moral given.
Rainbow, though, while she is by no means out of place in this story, I'm not really sure the story benefited much from using her as the protagonist. I understood she felt responsible for the bird because of her role in the storm that injured it, but simply finding it would have allowed for the same without needing to tie her into the injury itself. Again, Rainbow is not a bad choice for the story, but maybe she wasn't the best, either. I think maybe this story could have worked stronger if Spike was the protagonist. Spike is a dragon and is going to outlive a lot of ponies he's friends with, so for him to learn this lesson from Fluttershy, come to this realization, and resolve to be happy in his life and not let inevitability taint that, would have had a stronger impact than Rainbow learning it, because mortality is a much heavier issue to Spike than the Mane Six, if he realizes it or not.
My overall thoughts on this story, to paraphrase an internet reviewer, "this is a basic story you didn't screw up". It's kinda predictable, but you executed it well, and if this is someone's first time experiencing a story like this, this is a good story for them to experience it through. My sincerest apologies if this seems a negative review, it really isn't meant to be. I liked this story for what it was, it's just that what it was is something I've already seen before, so it didn't have as much punch as it wanted to have with its emotions.
What a beautiful piece of work. This, and pretty much all your stories are criminally underrated.
*sniffles* I've always had little animals, and cats, and dogs. I never regret the relatively short time I get with them, even if the pain of losing them never dulls. Life really is precious.
The feels are real.
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A negative comment is worth more to me than 10 positive comments. You don't learn anything when you succeed, you only learn when you fail.
That being said, I really didn't feel that this review was that negative.
I understand that you found it predictable. Honestly, I wasn't going for any kind of plot twist here, I just had a message I wanted to deliver, and I feel the story conveyed it well. I knew that the sad tag would give it all away, so I didn't beat around the bush or try to trick the reader into thinking the bird would get better.
I like your idea of Spike, I have to admit that I've never really looked at him in that light before. However, I personally feel that he is still too young to face a revelation like that. I chose Rainbow because 1. I love writing her softer side, and 2. she sort of just glides through life without too many worries (pun intended). I refuse to call her selfish, but she is a bit ignorant, and I wanted to explore how she would react to a situation like this.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed my depiction of Fluttershy. I wanted to show how strong she really is, and that she is so much more than the weak little pushover that so many portray her as. I swear if I stumble across one more fic that has her crying uncontrollably over a dead bird, I'm going to scream.
Anyway, thank you very much for the review. I greatly appreciate that you took the time to do it, and that it was so well thought out. Happy writing/reading, and God bless.
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Thanks! Yeah, it's really hard to get noticed on here, but I keep trying. I believe that this is the second story of mine that you have favorited, so thank you for your continued support.
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My wife and I had a rat named Splinter, and he was the coolest pet we've ever owned. We were so attached to him, and I still remember the night he died very vividly. That simple creature that so many people despise brought me so much joy, and still to this day he makes me smile.
5298764 My condolences for Splinter...I know well the love of a great rat! If my name weren't a dead give away, I adore the little guys. My first rat, Yuki, was one of the kindest and gentlest, most caring and wonderful souls I've ever met. I have no doubt in my mind that Yuki truly cared about me, and helped me through many times of suffering with his company, cuddles, and comforting body language. It's undeniable how much depth there is in even the smallest and most misunderstood creatures. I've never really understood the stigma against rats. I've shared my home with many rat friends, and I find them to be very engaging, smart, and adorable as all get out.
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Aww...what a cute story. Thanks for sharing. Maybe Yuki and Splinter are playing together in little rat heaven right now!
5298866 I'm sure they are!! Rat heaven is probably a really rad place to be. Keep up the good work. :)
Insta-watch
This was beautiful. I'd been thinking about what Fluttershy does when her animals die, and this my favorite idea so far.
Thanks for writing.
Hey good news is unless Tank is already really old Rainbow wont have to go through that with him.
Tortoises generaly live 150 years.
Okay, as promised, some actual thoughts on the fic! It was a very easy like, and in terms of how much I enjoyed it, it probably slots in just behind You Really Bug Me. (I know many people don't like that one quite as much as I do, but never mind!)
I will be quite honest and say that for about the first two-thirds of the story, I was a little surprised that it made EqD. Not because it was bad -- far from it -- but because it seemed rather straightforward; good, competent writing but without that extra spark that brings the best fics to life. It's also quite tell-y, which used (though apparently less so now) to be a big no-no on EqD, while there's the odd iffy word choice ("greeted" being used as a straight synonym for "said", for example). I didn't find anything that really took me out of the story, though.
And then I hit the last third, after Champ dies and we see how Fluttershy reacts. And then I understood why this story had been so well received; why it was special. I absolutely adored this portrayal of 'Shy; it may not quite match my own headcanon in one or two respects, but that's irrelevant; it absolutely makes her shine. Those scenes are special and memorable, and very satisfying to read. It felt a bit as though the fic was a flower growing, with not much to see for a while but a slowly rising stem... but then the flower in its full beauty bursting forth to reward those readers who kept faith.
A story that manages to be both sad and inspiring, which is a hard trick to pull off. I'm glad to have read it.
I can imagine Fluttershy's reaction to a dying bird
Nice story
Now I have a sad.
Beautiful! Just beautiful! I usually don't cry when reading something sad, especially with death, but you managed to bring them out.
Probably because I have birds of my own, and I don't want to lose them.
Thank you for submitting this to my group.
I have to admit, that when I noticed the line, "Featured on EQD" in the description, I had to give myself a moment to indulge in a bit of an eyeroll. It also gives me a bit of a doubletake, because it really has been years now, to allow me to say that over the years I've seen plenty of examples of great stories rejected by EQD for the most headscratchinest of reasons. Basic, "objective" stuff like grammar I can get behind, sure. But all too often these rejections make no little sense. Things like "x" element wasn't developed well enough to be convincing (typically a criticism of a relationship in a romance story). Thus the eyeroll. So what got this story through? What obvious things could I pick out while reading that, were I some EQD prereader, would cause me to reject this story?
I'm not going to say it's a bad thing to have a tag like that in your description. I am saying that it influences how I come in to the story though. I'm already rather critical of what I read, hence why I do these reviews. But that sort of begs me to be especially nitpicky and such, so take that as a bias of mine.
If you want a much more eloquent description on the whole description-box thing, have yourself a read.
On to the review proper. As usual, review means spoilers. That said, this story doesn't rely much on surprise, and you probably have a good idea of what happens already going in.
The characterization for Fluttershy felt pretty spot-on. little quirks like how she handles answering the door, to her tunnel vision when presented with an injured animal all fit well to expectation, and were "brief" enough to not feel like I was being forced to rewatch the show in text form. Other parts, like the cave show something "new" about Fluttershy that feels like it fits, but likely won't ever appear on screen. All in all, it felt true to character, explored new area, and didn't try to twist her or turn her into a gross caricature. This feels far more like Fluttershy as she should be than even some episodes (like Power Ponies). As someone who isn't very fond of Fluttershy, that this is a pretty acceptable and meaningful accomplishment I think.
A nitpick I have that is positive is the injury the bird suffered. I've read through several stories that depict injuries and usually try to go hard on the trauma, only to have it all heal up and work out in the end. Here we have a simple wound, things seem fine, then infection overwhelms a tiny little being and proves lethal. It is very believable and fits the theme of the story well.
On to the technical stuff. Normally, when I read one of these stories, I don't really focus too hard on the grammar and such. If you misuse a comma, fail to maintain your style, or slip out of tense here or there I am generally not going to notice. Typos or improper word usage (likely due to lazy spellchecker use) sometimes catch my eye, sometimes I notice, then forget as I keep reading. While I have done editing, my goal is not to be an unsolicited editor, but to give a rough opinion on the competency demonstrated in a work. This is just fanfiction and not professional writing, and as long as most readers would understand what is being told to them and have a decent amount of immersion, this section usually is pretty short. If it stands out that things were especially noteworthy due to an unusual style or poor grammar, then I'll hammer on it a bit. However, since EqD is pretty notorious for some really obscure grammar issues at times with their rejections, it felt like I should probably include this in my nitpick.
This is the first sentence of the story. While the 'comma+conjunction' does technically imply the subject of both clauses is Rainbow Dash, the structure of the sentence is at least a little ambiguous. It could be interpretted still that the wind is circling beneath the clouds to ensure everything was in order. Little things like this chip away at the suspension of disbelief readers build to get into a story, as you spend brain processing cycles reading that, realizing it is silly, rejecting it, and establishing in your mind that it is indeed Rainbow Dash performing the actions. Moving the "wind steadily grew stronger" part to the front or back of the sentence, so that everything Rainbow Dash does is in a nice steady sequence would be less ambiguous.
The problem is that however you configure it, it is only a step above "It was a dark and stormy night." It is essentially a weather report, with a bit of action to it. Within the first seven paragraphs, The real "action" that happens is that the bird is seen hurtling by and about to splat. Even though you have some bits of description here and there describing a building storm, none of it feels very... tense. I get that Rainbow Dash is doing a rather routine duty of her job, but it would be much more exciting for the readers if this were built up to be more intense. More lightning and thunder and howling wind. Draw out the effort to save the bird so that it isn't over so fast. Make it uncertain for the readers that Dash will even succeed. Since the point of the story is that life is fragile, this would be an incredibly powerful opening to the story, and serve as a solid hook.
Instead, it is weak. It is not very engaging at all.
Stuff like this, while fitting for Rainbow Dash's personality, don't contribute to the scene. Overall you've crafted it too much on the "boring routine day" feel instead of the possibly exciting beginning of a storm.
Preceding the quoted sentences above is this one. This is incredibly "telly" and more or less trips all the "this is bad writing" flags that "It was a dark and stormy night." trips. Have the wind buffet Rainbow Dash and threaten her. We know she is a great flier, so if she is fighting strong winds, that would easily let us know that this is serious business.
Those first seven paragraphs are all rather short. Most of them are only 2 sentences long, with one at 3 and another at 5 sentences long. The "largest" one, 5 sentences long, contains several very simply sentences, and ends up the same overall length as the 3. This would be a fairly "quick" pace, except that most of the sentences are complex, compound, or both. Most of the paragraphs feel like they should be combined due to being so close in topic, so the overall result is more choppy than quick. Since most of the topic is "slow/routine" stuff, it comes across as scattered.
A short, catchy sentence about the heart of the action, the bird hurtling by out of control, would be a better opener. Then maybe build up in paragraph density to bring out all the details of how dangerous it is, but contrast with Rainbow sticking it out to rescue this critter. then speed up as the ground/tree gets close, and finish off with how she succeeds.
Moving on from the opening scene.
There are no scene breaks.
Depending on how you wanted to structure things, there should be one naturally when Dash falls asleep. This means the first scene (I'm trying to get past it, honest) covers the rescue, getting home, setting the bird up for the night, and her own falling asleep from exhaustion. The morning, trip to Fluttershy's, and dropping him off under her care would be a sort of short scene, but it feels like it would be natural to break scene when Rainbow Dash meets up with Twilight and Pinkie. Alternatively, you could put the rescue as it's own short "introductory" scene, have the bits before and after sleep act as a scene that focuses around her initial interaction with the bird. Then decide from there.
By deciding how to separate your scenes, you can make each one focus on specific goals better. As it is, the story sort of feels like it drifts from topic to topic like one of those especially boring professors or public speakers who drones on and never really takes a break because they just shuffle their papers around, never take any breathers or drinks of water, and just keep going and going.
Here is an incredibly simple and effective way to indicate a scene break: [ hr ] (remove the spaces).
The overall "choppiness" of the story continues on throughout. Occasionally we get paragraphs that manage to break three lines on my screen, but each of those is alone in a sea of one-liners. At no point are we ever "invited" to slow down and take in the scenery or focus on the more emotional parts.
This could be a really powerful line. It should be all by itself, and it is. But the surrounding paragraphs are all short also. For this scene, I think opening with a fairly slow-pacing, and maybe speed things up with shorter and shorter paragraphs, but at least three lines long, then drop down to that short single line, would really add to the impact a lot. Follow it up with a mix of 2-3 line and 4-5 line paragraphs, and you could really sell the kind of turmoil that Rainbow experiences after.
As it stands, it sort of gets lost in a whole story of short choppy bits.
Nearly all of the dialogue in the story is, as is probably no surprise at this point, short and choppy. Nopony really ever speaks more than one or two sentences at any given time without meaningful pause or somepony else speaking in turn. There are points, such as when Rainbow, Pinkie, and Twilight are having lunch, where "talking heads" feel starts to creep in. Even when Rainbow Dash is supposedly lost in internal argument, it is just four lines of "inside voice."
Between the pacing and the scene structure, a lot could be improved to really convey the story. The lack of scene breaks especially is startling to see in something that passed EqD standards.
On to the non-technical negatives.
While Fluttershy's character was handled pretty well, Rainbow Dash is the main character here, one of my favorite ponies, and was overall done on the poor side I felt.
This is what we call brain worms. There is an epidemic that crosses authors, stories, and styles. This is a fairly light case, probably because this isn't a romance story, but it's still there.
Rainbow Dash rescuing a bird during a storm doesn't feel out of character. Hell, we had an entire episode where saving ponies was a thing she did (Mysterious Mare Do Well), as well as other random acts of heroism (Sonic Rainboom, Sleepless in Ponyville). Worrying about the welfare of animals while doing her job is weird. Leaving it to "why am I thinking this?" is brain worms. No, really, author, why is she thinking this way?
It seems like it is used to form a foundation for her guilt. Her regular job, which has plenty of necessary consequences like irrigating farms and so on, might sometimes injure critters. It also comes with some undesired consequences, like ruining picnics or otherwise sunny/beautiful days. Dash is no stranger to dealing with these consequences. The safety of critters is Fluttershy's job though. It seems to me that if you explored a bit of worldbuilding, Fluttershy would probably work with the weather team at least well enough to keep informed of their schedule so she could prepare for the storms.
Now, it isn't really all that wrong of Rainbow Dash to feel some guilt, when presented with such an injury right in front of her face. It gets weird when the issue is pushed further, and Dash tries to take on more blame than is reasonable. Instead, I think it would have been much more natural that she would feel bad for taking something out of the sky, an aspect of the situation that was not touched on at all.
I get that you don't want to come up with an hour's worth of dialogue. But the dialog leading up to it wasn't all that satisfying, and this really is supposed to be an important point of the plot. This is the point you're supposed to be really selling the fact that Rainbow Dash cares for this bird. Take "May the Best Pet Win" and see the kind of bonding she had with Tank. Opening up with his admiration of her saving him and being cool is a great bonding point, but this could be sold so much better.
So, lets wrap this up.
Death is sad, but it isn't the end of the world. Moving the tragedy from a close friend (as is all too often done in fanfics) to a new friend was a good choice for this story, I feel, and treating the event with dignity and showing the closure made for an overall good story. Unlike a lot of what passes by my queue, this did feel like a story that was worth telling, and thus worth reading. It had a lot of technical problems, and there was a lot of trouble for me to believe this was Rainbow Dash. This really felt like a Fluttershy story, despite being told from Dash's perspective. I guess you could say it is a good story, just wasn't told as well as it could have been told.
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Well, hello there! I wasn't expecting a full on review, but thanks for taking the time to do this. I initially had no plans to submit this to EQD, but after several suggestions that I should, I went ahead just to see what they would say. I was very surprised when it got through. The EQD prereader was very moved by my portrayal of Fluttershy, which probably played a huge role in it getting through.
Anyway, I wanted to say something about the weather report opening. I know that it is considered "bad," but the fact that it was "a dark and stormy night" is the reason why the story happens. How many stories with the weather report opening actually use the weather as the inciting event? But I see what you mean.
As for the rest, I completely agree. I have to admit, I really dislike oneshots. After writing three of them, I've decided that I will never write another again. I mean, if you can write a oneshot, then you can beef it up and make it into a mutli-chapter story. I have a lot of problems with pacing on stories this short, but I find that if I make them a bit longer, I'm able to better manage it. Like this one; I could have beefed it up and added all of those little details that you were apparently starving for, and I could have easily brought Scoots into it earlier and created a subplot with her that would have tied into the story nicely, and then have chapter breaks at each of the scenes that you mentioned. And you know what? I think that I will eventually do so.
Thanks again for taking the time to read this! And until next time, happy reading/writing/reviewing!
Despite me having certain misgivings about this story, I felt the characters pulled it through enough for me to accept it into the goodfic bin.
Details are here.
I loved the story, for me, it was very engaging, though I am a poet, not a writer, but I can say this: it that was a poem, it would be a beautiful poem indeed, the intent in a poem is to paint a picture in words, and this is what your story did for me, painted a picture that came to life before my eyes.
This was such a great story! I love how all of the characters are portrayed.
Dash is a walking, open book.
Edit: Wow. I’m crying. Wait, I’m crying? How the- what? It’s a fictional blue bird I’ve known for just a few minutes and I’m feathering crying?! What?!
I really like the ending even though it’s a bit of a sad one