• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen March 19th

southusa


Honestly still surprised I could guess my password after not being on her for am umpteenth amount of years

E

Spike has long been charmed with Rarity, a white unicorn with a purple mane. He doesn't know why he is so obsessed with getting her to love him as he loves her, he only knows that he is. He finally brings up the courage to ask her to be his special somepony, only to be rejected. She explains to him that he is too young and immature for her, but he does not seem to heed her words, he only walks out the door of Carousel Boutique heartbroken. Spike now ventures into the unknown, gaining courage, strength, and maturity. All for the love of a mare

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 7 )

Not a bad story premise. Can't wait to see what happens next. However, it seems a bit rushed. Take your time and develop the characters more.

5042240 that and an editor will work wonders

5042240 Thanks, this is the first time I have actually tried to write a story so I don't really know how to take my time and develop characters, I am just trying to get to the main plot line so the adventure starts happening.
5042652 Could you introduce me to one?? I wouldn't know how to find one

5044708 well, one suggestion would be to search the goups for "editor" (and the first one should be "Looking For Editors") where almost all of the groups have directions to help find them fairly easily

OK from what I can tell its starting out good. Though twilights coat is light and dark purple, no green anywhere. Anyways take everyones advice and take your time developing your characters.

Woops my bad I thought twilight set the bowl of gems in front of him, didnt realize they had servants.

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