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"Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm..." Granny Smith trotted across the Apple Family kitchen one bright and early morning. She slapped down a plate of pancakes onto the dining table and shuffled into a chair. "Mornin' Applejack. Mornin', Big Mac."

"Mmmrrfff..." Big Macintosh rubbed his bloodshot eyes. "Eeyup..."

"Why ya lookin' so frazzled, sonny?" Granny chuckled. "Bit of a rough sleep last night?"

"Gnnngh... eeyup..."

"Nothin' that a lil smatterin' of Granny's good eats can't fix!" Granny began slicing at the flapjacks with a knife. "Awwwwww shoot. I forgot the syrup. Big Mac, would ya be a dear—?"

Whirrrr! "Don't ya sweat yer fuzzy gray head, Granny!" Applejack interjected jubilantly, squatting in the bulky machine across the table. A massive pair of clamps grasped the dinky syrup bottle. "I got that for ya!" CRASSSSH! She knocked over half the silverware and china in one swoop of the metal limb. "Here! Dig in!"

"Ermmm..." Granny Smith blinked at the massive arm reaching across the table with the syrup, and then at Big Macintosh's trembling figure. "Applejack, sweet pea, I'm glad that you... uh... have taken a likin' to that swell gift yer friend got you..."

"Ha HAH!" Applejack guffawed, her teeth sparkling in the morning light wafting through the kitchen window. "I know! Ain't it simply amazin'?" WHIRRR! "Rarity done outdid herself this time!"

"And speakin' about outdoin' oneself..." Granny Smith grasped the syrup and flinched when Applejack's metal arm (WREEEEEE!) retracted to the far side of the kitchen. "Could ya find it in yer heart to leave that doohickey outside when yer enjoyin' the mornin' vittles with us?"

"Pffft! Why, Granny! What's the point in doin' that?" WREE-WREE! Ch-TUNG! Applejack grasped a loaf of bread from the kitchen counter and slapped it onto the middle of the dinner table. CL-CLANK! "Can't you see a heapin' huge benefit this is?!"

"I dun mind havin' a useful instrument at one's beck'n'call..." Granny squinted nervously at the gigantic square-shaped hole in the wall. Outside, leaning on a silo, was a cutaway of the Apple Family house along with a hoof-saw. "But when for it involves makin' a pet hole big enough for Timberwolves to scamper on in—"

"Pfft! I wouldn't worry none about Timberwolves, Granny!" Applejack grinned, producing a huge titanium broadsword in one metal-arm: SCHIIIIIIING! She used it to cut the tiny loaf of bread up into even tinier slices while smiling. "Not with this baby around! Why... it's like havin' twenty Winona's and two dragons planted on our lawn! See?" Whirrrr-CLAKKA-CLAK! A tomahawk missile popped out of a compartment, glistening in the sunlight. "I could even fire it from my bedroom upstairs!"

"Wouldn't that set fire to the drapes, darlin'?"

"Naw. I made a hole up there too. Would you believe that this thang fits in my bed?" WREEE "Well, it does now. After the first night, the bed kinda sorta became the floor.." CLAKKK! She retracted the missile and glanced over at Big Mac. "Hey, Macky! Have some toast!" Her metal hoof flicked two slices.

They flew through the air like shuriken and ricocheted off the stallion's head. Th-Thap! "Ooomfa!" Thud! He fell hard to the floor, his legs wriggling like a giant red crab's.

"Now, AJ." Granny Smith's wrinkled forehead furrowed. "We've all got a long day ahead of us. More than anythang, I wanna have my breakfast in peace."

"So do I!" Applejack sing-songed. "That's another place where this thang comes in handy!" She turned towards Big Macintosh with a grin. "Here, Big Mac!" She converted the machine's left metal limb into a gigantic buzz-saw. "Lemme slice up that pancacke for y'all!"

Wriiiiiiiiiii—VRMMMMMMMMMMMM! The razor-sharp blade spun towards Big Macintosh's plate, and—by extension—Big Mac himself.

"NOPE." Big Macintosh whimpered, wide-eyed, crawling away from the spinning blade. "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE—"

The serrated teeth had barely made contact with Big Macintosh's flapjacks when Applejack cut the power, gasping. "Land's sakes!" Cl-Clak! She pointed at the kitchen counter with a metal hoof. "Apple Bloom's lunchbag! What in tarnation is it still doin' here?"

"Huh?" Granny Smith turned and blinked at the paper bag in question. "Awww shoot. Reckon the lil' scamp was in such a hurry to get to school that she forgot to grab it."

"Well, we can't have that, now can we?" Wreeeee! Applejack stood up and stomped across the room, inadvertently forming cracks in the kitchen's tile floor. TH-THUD! THUD! TH-THUD! "I'll just stop on by and drop this off for her!" She picked the tiny-tiny bag up in a massive claw. "Maybe on the way back I'll stop by the general store for some nails!"

"What the devil for, darlin'?"

"To patch up the hole I made in the back of the outhouse," Applejack said. "After I discovered this thang's portable septic system—heheheh—well, I won't be needin' to use any outhouses anymore!"

"Well, okay then. Just don't forget to walk Winona while you're at it."

Applejack stomped through the hole in the kitchen and hollered to the hills: "How about it, Winona?! Y'all ready for walkies?!"

"Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip!"

"Dun run so far ahead of me, ya silly varmint! Heheheheh... catcha later, Granny!"

"So long, Applejack!" Granny resumed munching on her pancakes, a difficult task, considering how much her plate jostled with each thunderous step the loader took outside. Thud! Thud! Thud!

"Nnnnngh..." Big Macintosh climbed his way back to the table, leaning over his pancakes and panting.

"Y'know, this apple loader thang is gonna be a real problem," Granny Smith muttered.

"E... Eeyup..." Big Macintosh slurred.

Granny's green muzzle scrunched. "Now I'll be darned if I can think up somethin' to get Applejack for Hearth's Warmin' this year."

"... ... ..." Thud! Big Macintosh violently headdesk'd.

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