• Published 26th Sep 2014
  • 3,061 Views, 146 Comments

Apple Loader - shortskirtsandexplosions



Rarity gives Applejack a mechanized apple loader for saving her life. Ponyville is so doomed.

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"ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW!"

"Rrrrrgh!" A stallion with a red bandanna suplexed another pony in a black t-shirt and pants through a wooden table in the center of a wrestling ring. Panting, he swiped his blood-stained brow and proceeded to beat the ever-loving snot out of the other stallion with a stick of balsa wood. "Ooof-cha! Ooof-cha!"

The ponies seated all around the brightly-lit platform yelled and chanted with unbridled bloodlust: "ECW! ECW! ECW!"

"Wow!" A stallion's voice raspily hollered over the stuffy warehouse's intercom. "Canter Jack and Trotty Funk have made a statement! And this is about as brutal as Equestrian Championship Wrestling gets, folks!" The announcer paused as one stallion got up, wrapped his forelimb around the other wrestler's neck, and slammed him against the turnbuckle. "OH MY GODDESSSS" his voice vomited over the loud speakers. "This is hardcore heaven as only you can find here in the ECW arena!"

"Whewww-weee!" Applejack sat back on the haunches of her machine, grinning left and right at the rowdy, raving audience. "This sure is a lively crowd! Especially that fella over the microphone!"

"Yeah, well..." Rainbow Dash reclined lazily on a folding chair. "Joey Stallions may be famous for his solo commentary n'all, but gimme Jerry the Colt Lawler any day."

"I've never been anywhere so excitin'!" Applejack grinned. "Thanks for invitin' me, sugarcube!"

"Heh... don't mention it. Sorry it was such a long trot to get here."

"Oh, don't you fret!" Applejack spoke above the chanting and sounds of body-slams. "I handled the trek just fine and dandy!"

"I know," Rainbow said, glaring aside. "You smashed through three warehouses and a cemetery while galloping across country in that stupid thing!" She winced as the speakers spat out another ear-splitting "OH MY GODDESS!" and then sat up straight. "Which reminds me, AJ. The real reason why I brought you here is because I wanted to get you comfortable enough to talk to you about—"

"Do you always come to this here buck-fest?"

"Huh? Oh... uh... I guess..." Rainbow slicked her bangs back as she glanced at the fight. "At least ever since TNA went downhill."

"TNA?"

"Yeah. Total Neighstop Action. I mean ever since they let Vinnie Russoats back into the fold, things have started sucking to high heaven and—" Rainbow gritted her teeth and shook her head. "I-I'm getting off topic! The point is—" She pointed. "You can have fun without that apple loader, Applejack! And, actually, I really friggin' think you should ditch it!"

"Get rid of this here mech suit?!" Wreeeee-crkk! She gestured to herself. "What in tarnation for?"

"You're making a wreck out of everything!"

"None of the other girls seem to think so."

"Because they're too scared to tell you face to face!" Rainbow Dash said. "Instead, they insist on buttering you up so you can somehow slide out of the suit on your own! Well, it feels almost like I'm the only one who remembers that you're the Element of Honesty, so I'm telling you—honestly—ditch the stupid suit!"

"OH MY GODDESS!" Joey Stallions hissed again.

"Huh?!" Applejack's face scrunched as she rubbed her ear. "What was that, sugarcube?! I couldn't hear you through that feller's hyena voice!"

"I said—"

TH-THUNK! A stallion somersaulted out of the ring while another stood atop the turnbuckle, raising a burning piece of plywood and hollering.

"—AJ, you need to get rid of that suit before—"

"ECW! ECW! ECW!"

"What was that, Rainbow?!"

"I said—"

"OH MY GODDESS!"

"—ugh! Dammit to Tartarus! The suit, Applejack! The suit!"

"What about it?!"

"Get rid of—"

"Hold on!" Applejack stood up. Wriiii! She grinned and pointed at the ring. "That Canter Jack feller is askin' for a folding chair!"

"Uhhh—"

"Hold on, partner! Move on over, Rainbow Dash—"

"Applejack, what are you—Whoa!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she fell to the floor. Whump! Applejack picked the chair out from under her and hoisted it up in the air.

"Is this what you want?!"

Several inebriated stallions chanted: "THROW THE CHAIR! THROW THE CHAIR!"

"AJ! No! D-don't do it!" Rainbow Dash hissed, waving a hoof as she nervously eyed the crowd. "This is Fillydelphia! You'll have no idea what the ponies will do if you—"

Wreeee! "Yeeehaaa!" FWOOOOSH!

The chair flew like a missile, colliding with Trotty Funk's skull. THUD! He collapsed to the mat like a slab of meat and instantly bladed.

Within seconds—

"Woohoo!"

"ECW!"

"ECW!"

"ECW!"

A swarm of chairs flew into the ring, tossed from every conceivable angle that surrounded the lit arena. The wrestlers inside flopped to the floor as they were swiftly covered up in a gigantic pile of steel and aluminum.

"CRKKK!" the loudspeakers crackled. "DO NOT THROW CHAIRS INTO THE RING!"

"Wooo! Yeahhh!" The mountain of chairs piled higher and higher.

"PLEASE DO NOT THROW CHAIRS INTO THE RING!"

Stallions stood up, tossing beer and waving their forelimbs in wild abandon. The pile was slowly reaching the floodlamps by now.

"STOP THE CHAIRS!"

"ECW!"

"ECW!"

"ECW!"

"STOP THE CHAIRS!"