• Member Since 10th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

naturalbornderpy


Just a nice, polite Canadian.

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The day of the Canterlot wedding came and went and the Changelings triumphed over all. Chrysalis should have felt satisfied with her victory, but still something large looms over her, while unexpected feelings have made themselves known. But what are the odds of the defeated stallion who could barely look her in the eyes ever returning such love? Maybe tonight that would change.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 30 )

Absolutely amazing. Exactly the kind of writing I wanted to do with my fic, but couldn't pull off.

Very well done, 10/10

There's such a turmoil of emotions building throughout the story, and when things come to a head you're left surprised but understanding completely. And at the very end, you bring it right back around to show the real struggle.

Honestly, I can't favorite it because it leaves me saddened. I just can't fully like stories that leave off at a point like this. But it's a damned good story none-the-less. I hope it gets its proper notice.

5031685 Thanks for reading and for commenting! Sadly, pretty much all of my stories end on quite sour notes. And I'm normally such a nice guy in real life...

5032066

Honestly, if you were to expand it and make it more uplifting in the end I would favorite in a heartbeat. But don't let me dictate your story. :twilightsmile:

Very well executed. The surprise ending was, I agree, worth a bit of deception, and it caught me quite off guard. Really got into Chrysalis's twisted psyche, and the ways that the deception so intrinsic in the Changeling M.O. can turn on themselves and do terrible things there as well. Well done, a truly fascinating read!

5033101 Thank you for reading and for commenting!

And now I want a sequel where she DOES try to get Shining. :pinkiehappy:

5036781 Thank you for saying so!

This... was really good. I felt the right levels of discomfort, excitement, and pity. Good job.

5106779 Thank you so much for saying so! It's always nice to hear feedback. Thanks for reading.

5107131 You know what? I imagine Chrysalis wants just that... That this is the only way her soul and mind will be put at ease. The only way her mind will be put at ease and her soul rendered clean/peaceful is for her to find... love. Love changes people, love could change Queen Chrysalis. :fluttershysad: Thank you for such a beautiful story.

5139725 Thank you for saying so! And thanks for reading.

5139873 you know what? I am tempted to write a sequel. I recently had an idea that would fit this.

When you come so close to victory, when you have everything you ever wanted within your grasp, when you know that nothing will every go wrong for you and those you love ever again, and then it's ripped away by those who you had bested only minutes before and you taste nothing but utter, crushing defeat, it becomes so tempting to forget about reality...

Nice work! Didn't see that twist coming

this, all of this. all my 'this'. heartbreaking, kinda funny, and that twist made me grin. it was a sad grin but if it had been a happy grin I would have felt like a bad person.

I feel so awkward in sympathy for that Changeling, cause depending on your head canon for what being Queen of the hive implies, she could very well be forcing her child to make her fantasy a reality. that and he's so... something. can't think of the word. not pragmatic, but similar. ah, he's so solidly grounded while Chrysalis is so cut a drift. He provides a nice foil to her obsession.

Also, you didn't technically say whose victory it was in the short description. I tend to open a bunch of stories I intend to read and totally forget the bigger description.

That was awesome. I didn't see it coming. Wonderful twist of the knife.

This was amazingly done. That weird, unsettling emotional tension... and that ending. Nicely done. :twilightsmile:

Poor Chrysipuss needs someone to love her. :fluttercry:

6682521 Thank you very much for saying so! :pinkiehappy: And, yes, even Chrysalis deserves some love. Maybe it would help if she found her mind first, though. :applejackconfused:

6681923 Thank you! :twilightsmile: This was during my dark and depressing story days full of painful twists aimed at the heart. I wonder what's changed since then? Must be the medication. :pinkiecrazy:

dinning halls

Not bad. Not bad at all.

6777506 Thank you! :twilightsmile: Can you tell I don't have an editor yet?

6778666 Actually, no. One error hardly counts.

Wow! I did not expect that ending at all. Fantastic.

"Shining Armor erupted in a whirlpool of green and black flames. A smaller Changeling in the exact same position now filled his seat. Carefully he pushed out his chair and trotted towards the door."

Ironically, my eye missed that entire line, almost as if I too were trying to subconsciously shut out the truth.

6863652 Thanks for saying so! :pinkiehappy: Glad you enjoyed it.

6880021 Thanks! :pinkiehappy: Yep, no AU here.

That was sad... I hope she recovers and eventually takes Equestria over. Or at least works out some kind of treaty with them.

Well, that ending was a great twist, especially considering everything else. I loved the characterization of both Shining and Chryssi. Good writing!

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