'I Hate Ponies!'

by Scripture

A Rude Awakening

'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 3: A Rude Awakening

Prod

“Mmnshhh…”

Prod prod

“Nnn… Kelly… touch me there… yeah…. Like that… ohhhhhhh~”

…

“…”

...

“…Nnn more Kelly, mo-“

PUSH!

Xavier shouted out in surprise as he was toppled over by me, his back flat across the ground now and his eyes squinting from the overhead sun. He looked incredibly confused and groaned a bit rubbing his eyes a bit with his forehooves. Giving and explosive yawn, he smacked his lips a few times, shifting his head a bit as he looked around.

“Trees? Sun? Outside?” He shook his head a bit and rolled over onto his stomach. “Whoa… I musta got REALLY drunk last night… But no headache? Odd…” He rolled over onto his backside again and smiled sleepily. “This is nice though… Hopefully I didn’t wind up too far away…”

All the while, as he lay there, my heart was racing in my chest as I confirmed the pony in front of me as Xavier. “His voice is spot on and the fact that he has a cutie mark of a note between two headphones couldn’t be a coincidence…The guy loves his music…” I muttered.

Sighed explosively afterwards, I was surprised that it caught Xavier’s attention, making him open his eyes fully now and take a look in my direction. “Hm? Guys? You here t-“

He blinked once. I blinked back. He blinked again. I blinked again. He shouted out in immaculate horror. I watched him as he freaked out in front of me, shaking my head slightly. Oh boy… this’ll be interesting…

“Wha- who- where- WHAT?!” He practically screamed, looking around everywhere at the sights before him. “Why… everything… PASTEL COLORS…pony… MY LITTLE PONY!” He shook his head vigorously, banging his hooves on top of his head… Making him realize, he no longer had any fingers. Shaking now, he looked down at the two hooves in front of him, terror creeping into his face. “This… this can’t be real… I’m not drunk… I… I must be crazy, yeah… crazy…hehe…”

Before I could try to console my shaken friend, my other pal had gotten up from the ground, his mane all disheveled and his face incredibly grumpy. “What the FUCK dude? Why the fuck were you screaming your head off and stuff? You know we all hate mornings Xavier…” Not knowing his fate, he opened his eyes to a vividly colored world before him, making his jaw drop in astonishment after a few moments of comprehension.

He blinked. We blinked. He blinked again. We blinked again. He shouted out in immaculate horror. I watched him as he freaked out in front of me, Xavier following him an a perfect duet, now shaking my head repetitively. Yeah, thought it would be interesting…

“Wha- who- where- WHAT?!” Matt practically screamed, looking around everywhere at the sights before him. “Why… everything… IN PASTEL COLORS…ponies… MY LITTLE PONY!” My eyes widened a bit at the near-perfect repetition between my friends, watching as he shook his head in disbelief like Xavier, going through almost identical routines similar to him.

My two friends looked at each other and were about to scream out again when I literally shoved my hooves in both of their mouths. “Dear Celestia! You two are SUCH a pain!” I glared at them both as their eyes widened in realization that all three of them had landed in a similar predicament.

Slowly, I let go of their mouths, making them focus their attention entirely on me. “Now… I have no clue how this happened, but we three are in the My Little Pony world-“ I smacked a hoof from Matt, who was slowly bringing it closer to me as I talked. He rubbed it sorely, muttering a low ouch. “-and this is NOT a dream!” Matt had opened his mouth, a hoof slowly rising in the air as I cut him off again. “And you’re not crazy!” He slowly let his mouth close and his hoof fall to the ground. “Now…”

I sat down on the soft grass and sighed loudly, them sitting down themselves. Right now, their eyes glittered with hope, knowing I had a plan, some kind of master strategy that would help them all and eventually get us back to-

“I have NO clue what we are going to do!”

Simultaneous groans escaped my friend’s lips as Matt got up, standing awkwardly with his four new legs. “So Jack, you have NO clue what we should do in a situation like this?” He looked around swiftly and whined. “C’mon! There has to be SOME way to get us back home! Or at least normal!”

Without knowing it, his aggravation caused him to flare his wings out, making Xavier gasp in shock, nearly knocking him back onto the ground. “Du-DUDE! You have WINGS man, WINGS!”

Matt looked confused for a moment, until he looked to both sides of him and was equally as shocked as Xavier. “W-wings?! Aw what the hell! I’m a frickin Pegasus-thing?!” I chuckled as he curiously looked at his new appendages. However, in mid-checking, he focused his view on his rear and awkwardly took a few steps backwards at Xavier and me. “Guys, look, I got a tattoo! Check it!”

Curiously, we looked at his flank and pondered at the marking he had there. Xavier and I whistled lowly. His ‘tattoo’ were two M’s, one right under the other, inside of a fireball with a sweet fiery tail to it. Xavier smiled widely and shouted out, “Awesome! I wonder if I- Well, looky here, I do too!”

I let Matt look at it since I already had and he chuckled a bit after seeing it. “Not as bitchin’ as mine, but hey, whatevs. Hey, I-“ Matt then looked up at Xavier’s head, and snorted explosively, eventually bawling with laughter as he plopped on the ground, rolling around in a laughing fit. “Oh… OH MY FUCKIN GOD! You’re… You’re…”

Xavier glared at him and stamped a hoof into the ground, his irritation levels rising. “I’m WHAT, goddammit?!”

“YOU’RE A FRICKIN UNICORN! BWAHAHAHA!” Another wave of laughter hit him as Xavier tentatively touch his new appendage and nearly cried on the spot.

“A… a frickin unicorn… in My Little Pony… with all this colorful shit…" His face was a solid mask of horror and shock, which finally broke down into a weeping veil of misery. "DAMN YOU WORLD, DAMN YOU!” He sniffed a bit as he burrowed his head beneath his hooves, his stomach float on the ground now. “Fuck, this is so gay…”

I sighed, shaking my head. Maybe I should tell them I know of several ways that could get us home… I looked from the hysterical pegasus to the now-weeping unicorn, and cocked my head to the side. Frack, I think I might have-

“Hey misters! Whatcha y’all doing?”

Oh god, please not her, not with… THESE two…

Looking behind me, I noticed not just one, but three little filly’s staring at us with confused stares. I could barely hide my horror, as a sudden realization hit my head too. FUCK! I never told them about Applejack yet! I have to tell them soon or else-

“Us? Well, for one, I am laughing HYSTERICALLY and maniacly, since I think I might be insane.” Matt walked over to me, smiling crazily at three fillies. “Him?” He pointed to our unicorn friend, still crying on the ground. “He is in self-denial. Might be crazy too. And THIS guy,” he shook me with two of his hooves. “Well, I’ve always known him to be crazy! But right now, he is as cool as a cucumber… ain’t that right?”

ARE YOU FRICKIN INSANE?! I AM FREAKING OUT IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW! “Yes, perfectly fine right now…”

The first filly who spoke to me, a small yellow one with red hair and a big red bow, took a step back from Matt. “Uhhhhh riiiiiiiiiiight. Well, we were just passin’ through an’-“

I smacked Matt’s hoof, which had been slowly creeping towards the small filly and glared at him hotly. The other two filly’s behind the first huddled immediately in back of her and stared worriedly at the pegasus besides me. I shook my head, for about the hundredth time so far, and leaned my head a bit closer to the yellow filly. “I’m sorry about him, he is a bit… unstable at the moment…”

“You’re telling me! That guy is bizzar-o!” A mess of purple mane and orange body piped up, staring intensely at Matt, who stared intensely back.

A gasp came from the third member of the party, a small white filly with pink and purple curly hair. “Scootaloo! That’s NOT a very nice thing to say! Even if it may be true!” She squeaked, glaring at her friend disapprovingly.

Scootaloo rolled her eyes and poked the first member softly. “Hey, Applebloom, c’mon! Let’s get going! We have some crusading to do!”

Applebloom jolted a bit at the thought and exclaimed, “Oh! Right!” She started to run along with her friends and looked back to me, shouting, “Bye mister! Bye really creepy mister! Bye wimpy mister!”

It took them a minute to figure out who was who, but both Xavier and Matt exclaimed, “Hey! I am NOT that!”

Now, it was my turn to laugh hysterically.

Matt, rolling his eyes looked at me and poked my rib cage. “Alright… you are the one who makes the MOST sense with bizarre situations… what do you suggest we do?” He frowned a bit and spread his hooves out into the air. “I do NOT want to stay here for the rest of my life! I hate this show, and being in it is already irritating me!” He growled a bit and looked at the ground, putting his hooves down. “That little prick of a pony called me bizarre too…”

Xavier now came over and sat near us, still feeling a bit down. “ Well, you DID call us all crazy… what else would she think?” Matt shot him a look, but Xavier ignored it, looking hopefully at me. “But yeah, honestly… shit hit the fan and none of us don’t know squat about this place…” He flailed his forehooves around and groaned. “Humans were never supposed to be here!” My unicorn friend looked at the ground once again in thought. “Well, at least, I don’t think so…”

The sun gently shone above us and I reveled in it, letting its warm rays wash over my new body and mane. ‘Never supposed to be here’? Honestly, I haven’t felt more alive in all of my life! They could leave if they wanted to, but me... I’m gonna try and milk this for as long as I possibly can! I smiled smugly and put a hoof to my chin in thought. “Hmmm… well, what we could do is-“

A soft cough could be heard behind us as the hairs on my mane stuck up on end. From what I felt, it was a particularly long mane, but it felt absolutely rigid at the moment. As I slowly turned around, a rather flustered looking orange mare was glaring daggers at me, her stocky deep red big brother not exactly looking too pleased himself. “So… how are ya doing this fine morning Silver Jack, if that’s even you’re real name?”

My ears swiveled back again as I grinned sheepishly at Applejack and I awkwardly coughed, covering it slightly with my hoof.

Oh fuck, we’re screwed…

A/N-

After such a huge amount of people faving my story, i thought i might as well give them the next chapter... IN THE SAME DAY!

Well, i hope you enjoy... I actually am REALLY liking this story now, even though i truly don't know exactly where its going right now... BUT MY IDEAS ABOUND! >:D Anyways, enjoy like always :)

Comments

[Perception Filter]

ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!1!!1
again. Shit just hit the fan.

[Baked Brony]

I like it

[totallynotaunicorn]

Awesome

[Mysterious Stranger]

This...this is simply brilliant. Plenty of people have put humans who like the show in Equestria, but I'm sure you're the first to put haters in the show. Pure genius. I can't wait to see where this goes.

[ColdGoldLazarus]

On my to-read list.

But did you read my mind? http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/37015

[Docboy]

A slightly entertaining HiE story that isnt just a pointless self insert?
Ok maybe it is. But still.

MADNESS! MADNESS I SAY!
I must Fav!

[Aburi]

Pure awesome!

[ArTic]

CLIFF HANGER WHY? I am going to cry. MOAR or I may die( I have story cancer and the only cure is moar.)

[Jlargent]

Haters are gonna hate, Trollers are gonna troll, but Bronies are gonna BROHOOF!

[jaked122]

This is exactly as good as I expected. The text is a little bit dense though. A bit of extra spacing would do some good for the readability.

[Furstreak]

The dr said I require MOAR of your story. Plz fill the prescription

[Sounds Right]

739572 i think i saw that comment in 2 stories now

[Perception Filter]

740147 Well thats me. The 'ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!!1!!' guy. I say that when shit gets real.

[Sounds Right]

740161 Well then, SHIT. JUST. GOT. REAL.

[bloodwolf432]

Anti-bronies with a brony inside Equestria, nice. I wasn't too sure when I started reading but this is really interesting. I'm suprised no one else has thought of this

[Sounds Right]

740191 You kinda get those thoughts anyways so nobody thought it would be THIS GOOD

[bloodwolf432]

740212

That's why the rating bar was made, to promote stories and get them on the featured bar. I actually found this while going through an authors fav list

[Sounds Right]

740233 That is the best non-fiction i've ever heard.

[Sounds Right]

740298 Who did?

[Scripture]

740321

Me did!

[Sounds Right]

740332 This deserves a purple word cause its awesome. Yay.

[Aru]

-----> nothing more to say.

[Vinnie_Mack]

>> Insane ARE YOU INSANE?!

[Medlimakar]

dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Applebloom.png MOAR NAO!!!

[kknd2]

let us see just how long our dear apple farmer was there behind our primary protagonist.
ONWARD, TO GOOD STORY!

[D-Bence35]

"ARE YOU FRICKIN INSANE?! I AM FREAKING OUT IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW! “Yes, perfectly fine right now…”"
I was drinking milk at that line...

[iloveportalz0r]

808403 Are you sure it was milk?

[Rakdar]

Hilarious

[Rakdar]

Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit how are you ponies posting those different emoticons?!?!?!?

[iloveportalz0r]

812012

…

dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy_umad.png

[Random Duty Guard]

I'm reading this to Super Sonic Racing.

[Timber the wood pony]

ha ha haters are funny

[SuperChaosKG]

Screwedness. Screwedness. Get wrecked, sir.

[KillerSteel]

Considering the inane physical strength of both Applejack and Mac...

Well, I hope Xavier, Matt and Jack can run. Really god damn fast. And get used to four legs in a hurry.

Fighting AJ and Mac is a bad idea. Pissing them off is even worse. Getting into a fight with them when they're pissed off is a death sentence.

Run boys, run!

[Astiam300]

I laughed so hard in this chapter, oh men this is gonna be GOOOD

[Blitz the Dragon]

"I smacked away Matt's hand"
Other than that, I like where this is going.

[AvexedAuthor]

739945 madness. . . THIS! IS! EQUESTRIAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[James Rye]

The freak-out was awesome. Still i guess i would have liked it more if all three had hated the show and Jack just happens to know stuff about this world cause his little sister for example tells him all day long about Celstia and Luna and Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash and and and. Would have been funnier to see this all of the POV of a hater and not of a brony with haters.

[Tibbles]

Oh god... "PASTEL COLORS". At that moment, I nearly burnt out my laugh box.

[SMWilde]

i.imgur.com/tHw0b.gif

[Swirls]

1757158

I second this.