When you're a foal, the summer days last forever.
Summer is freedom. The world is more alive, it is wider and brighter, its colors deeper. Summer is running in a meadow and swimming in a pond and catching fireflies at evening's last light.
Will Apple Bloom lead her friends to the pirate's treasure, buried in the apple orchards? Will Scootaloo make it across the burning deserts and find the magical, healing spring? Will Sweetie Belle defeat the evil Changeling Rarity who grounded her for no reason?
During the summer, every day is an adventure.
This is one.
Chapters (5)
Who let the foals out? WHOOP! WHOOP!
I hope someone draws Cheerilee someday sipping those maregaritas, on one of those floating chairs with a little floatie just for the drink and suntan lotion as she floats lazily upon the pool.
Not sure what scene was my favorite. So many small moments mixed in with bigger ones. Gotta love Scoots though, that moment where Sweetie asks if it seemed safe only to get a no from Apple Bloom lead to some serious adorableness from Scoots. Yeah, Scoots was my favorite. Sweetie Belle's Filly Scouts is a summer I hope we see. xD
Correction, Apple Bloom getting as muddy as possible was also equally cute and her "No Colts Allowed!" reverse role sort of thing there. You know, typically it's always "No boys allowed"?
Well, just have to say it's nice to read such a well crafted summer fic. Still find it rough to think the only other filly to wear headgear in the class would make fun of AB's bow. That bow offers like +1 Def and +2 adorableness. DT's +2 Def and +2 Insight is practically on par in usefulness to a head bow. Apple Bloom, you need to stand your ground more if she's dissing the bow!
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/194/8/9/girls_will_be_girls_by_kp_shadowsquirrel-d7qhsan.jpg
God, I know this is mainly CMC tales of summer, but I'd die for good scene like this. Summer isn't complete without at least a few throwdowns and freeze tag!
(Sweeetie Belle used as a springboard? Silver is the new Mario of flinging fireballs! (mudballs, but a filly can imagine superpowers!)
Pipsqueak? Does Apple Bloom have a thing for Pip? Or is that Sweetie Belle? That is too cute. I'm already sad to see there isn't much left to read of these summer days. But not seeing a complete yet I'll just keep hoping for more!
Well, still a third day so I best get to it! XD
Makes me wonder if this means Snips and Snails will show up again, or if this particular story of the treasure is complete and the warpath will just continue to other areas of Ponyville and their unfortunate adult citizens.
Can't wait for more! (I totally can, it's all worth the wait!)
I found this cute and very well-written. The story is simple, but sweet, and I'm envious of how well you're able to characterize the CMC. Excellent job!
Absolutely adorable. This is amazing
Btw,
*If
It's not quite dark enough to be lavender, is it?
But, her magic is green
Wonderful story. Looking forward to the next chapters
Your writing is positively Bradbury-like when you describe Apple Bloom's realization that it's summer and that they have a whole day ahead of them.
And then, the adventures! I loved how seamlessly the girls (and Snips and Snails) move between everyday reality and the imaginary world of their adventuring.
Haha, I finished reading and slipped back into reality. A bit of a shock. It's dark outside, and it sounds like the rain clouds are doing their best to drown us. A far cry from idyllic summer.
Anyways, good stuff. The transition between the real world and the one seen through the Crusaders' imagination was fantastic, and I really liked the fluidity of time and space. Sounds like something from science fiction when I put it that way, but the way minutes become hours and metres become miles played a big part in selling the childrens' perspective to me.
I'm looking forwards to more
EDIT:
In Chapter 2, noticed these errors --
The section in italics doesn't make sense, and the quotation mark in bold doesn't belong.
Nooooo!
Say it ain't so! Nobody else does, but I thought you, of all people, would know the difference between "titular" and "eponymous".
5034336 But the story is cute and funny. And it's incomplete? You, Sir, get a gold star.
This is well-written, descriptive, action-packed, and most of all, adorable.
If you don't like this story you need a comfy, snug-fitting straightjacket.
You know, this story leaves me nostalgic for summers past. Back when summer was more than a time to complete some long-term goals, more than a time to get some extra hours at work. When a wagon and a hill could entertain for hours, and a sandbox, hose, and pail created entire cities. When the days were filled with super soakers and water balloons, and building forts in the woods.
This brings back the same nostalgia that Calvin and Hobbes induces, and for that, I commend you. Very few authors ever manage to succeed at that. Have the trifecta of approval: an upvote, a follow, and a comment. You deserve it.
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Thanks for the catches. Editing in your barracks is a pain.
Hard work and harder bucking.
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Amen.
Hey, you never know unless you try.
A good start. You've cast your hook, and I have taken the bait.
Let's see where this goes.
Oh god the horror
So...wait, I don't get it. Was any of that treasure hunt real or imagined?
Oh, never mind.
It's a relief to have a nice story, the kind that I can't find in print anymore.
Personal opinion--I'm gonna "show don't tell" you on "The foals were loose. And that was terrifying." It drew attention to itself in a way that disrupted the build-up of tension, even just the first time. Instead of repeating "The foals were loose", you could've each time said something specific, like "Shop owners checked and re-checked their insurance policies." Or at least ended with something tangible / specific / active, like, "The foals were loose. And Ponyville held its breath."
...which, with them being ponies, is a big whoop, because they're always butt naked.
I can see Sweetie Belle as a filly scout. Fits her character pretty well. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, though...well, Apple Bloom maybe, but begrudgingly. Scootaloo would only be in it for the activities, and that's not entirely what most scouting programs are about, so probably not so much for her.
This is reminding me of many cartoons of my youth, where kids let their imagination run crazy, but there was always just a little bit of reality.
Judging from the description, the story sounds like a heartwarming slice of life (one of my favorite types). I'm totally putting this on my 'to read' list.
Also, Grennadder!
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Calvin and Hobbes was exactly the sort of vibe I was going for. Glad it worked for some people.
Turns of phrase like this reminds me why I follow you.
It's perfect. It's summer.
That was beautifully done. I hold a special love for this paragraph's section:
It's like an acid trip to read this, it's so fluid and intricate at the same time, it's amazing. You never cease to remind me why I followed you
The one thing I need to do with a fic like this is clear my mind of the majority of other fics, as I am beset with the expectations of horrendous, apocalyptic catastrophe I find overwhelmingly dominant in the lion's share of fanfics.
I wish more people would remember that the show is about happy little ponies in a magical fantasy land who, every now and then, must face a baddie.
It's not a vile, disgusting world of backstabbing sociopaths out to crush and dominate the minds and spirits of the populace... like the UN.
Not just any foals are lose, the crusaders are lose, Ponyville barely survives with those three as is now their free from school for three months! Someone hold me!
I love this story. It feels like I'm reading a classic Bill Waterson collection, not just because of the imaginative kids, but also because of the hilarious jokes about adults. So far my favorite characters are actually Cheerilee, using the girls to clean her classroom so she can get to Las Pegasus faster, and Applejack. How I hope we hear more remembered lectures from Applejack!
Aaaaah, the long summer days viewed from the perspective of a foal.
I know that well.
The quiet mornings when you get up, with nopony there, because your parents are already at work, haven't woken you up because they knew you don't have school, the enjoyment of the silence while you slowly realize that it's summer and that you don't have to go to school.
You stay lying in the bed for some minutes, enjoying the atmosphere, and then you get slowly up, heading outside, enjoying the long summer days.
And then your foalish imagination, that turns everything into an adventure and everything is so exciting that you have the feeling that many hours, even days, have passed, while it was in truth only the few hours until noon.
I know all these feelings, remembering them from my foalhood. And you conveyed these feelings perfectly!
There's nothing more to say.
10 from 10 stars and I can't wait for the next chapter!
I don't think I've ever read a story about children playing at adventures that narrated it all as if it were happening. Which is even trickier in Equestria, because we might think... it could be happening. But I like it.
This was completely adorable. An elegant slice-of-life baked into a summer where adventure that only foals can have takes place. You succeeded in triggering some nostalgia for the wild imaginative abandon of youth.
As a critical curiosity, I'm not sure how well the first chapter actually fits with the story; it struck me more as establishing the setting and tone rather than taking part in the story itself. That is not to say that its removal would improve anything at all, but my brain noticed. <shrugs happen here>EDIT: But my brain did fail to notice the 'In' part of 'Incomplete.' This fact changes a few integral components of my comment. Whoops! Just goes to show that the second two chapters stand very well on their own as a "one-shot."
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As I was reading, I remember quite distinctly reaching the lava part and realizing 'Ohhhh, maybe this all isn't actually happening, and suddenly so much clicked into place. Your mentioning of Calvin and Hobbes as your intent captures it perfectly.
A delightful tale.
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The scary part is I can imagine it happening to me and my own friends so many (MANY) years ago. (Oh god, I feel so old now)
...especially the lava trap.
As a child, you never realize how good you have it until you grow up and leave behind those endless Summers with absolutely nothing to do and all day (and night) to do it. Mmm, especially night. We'd spend all night outside if it wasn't for the mosquitoes and dead batteries in the flashlights-- grew up in the wooded suburbs of a small town so when it got dark, it was seriously dark and hardly anything but you and creepycrawlies.
It took me far too long to realize that they were blowing things out of proportion when describing their adventure. I find myself very immersed in the story. Great job.
A metaphor that makes a sundial of the orchard.
Fantastic.
That was so damn fun. Trying to see through their eyes, knowing that it's in their heads mostly, was a trip well worth taking.
I do have one little thing: around her feet. around her hooves.
Awesomeness
Just gonna leave this here. Listened to it the whole time
First couple of lines and already funny.
That was adorable, and all the more remarkable for having been written in a war zone.
5035409 I don't know why this has downvotes, It's a good piece of creative criticism.
I'm loving this story so far. It reminds me a lot of when my brother and I were kids.
There are many stories I'm waiting on for chapters. Some are superb stories, some terrible but with heart, some that I follow reluctantly to their eventual ends. This story, however, trumps them all. It fills my heart with the warmth and lightheartedness of childhood, and actually reminds me of one of the reasons I started watching MLP in the first place. Well done, good sir.
Well done.
I eagerly await whatever adventures you have in store for the CMC.
This is perfect.
You have perfectly captured what makes the summers of our childhoods so special.
It feels like I'm reading the prose version of a Calvin & Hobbes strip, and believe me when I say that is meant as high praise indeed.
Ah, summer...
Funny how everything always seems so much bigger and more amazing when your a kid. Especially during the summer.
I can't wait until evening.
I wonder who else we'll see this summer.
I imagine the Flower Trio galloping through Ponyville in a panic: "THE FOALS ARE COMING! THE FOALS ARE COMING!"
You know what this reminds me of? Calvin and Hobbes. They've got so little in common (this is prose, for starters), but you've tapped into the same spirit. I absolutely loved the hours and hours and hours on end and the shape of the proportions.
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Green?
Uh-oh.