8th grader in the u.s. , female, what else is there to say?
'I'm sorry girls, I need to leave for a while. I can't tell you why or where but I have to go.'
That letter was the last we heard of her for years. When she returned she wasn't the same mare she was before, she had changed and not for the better.
what happened to you Rainbow?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
credit and big thanks to my co-author super57
Page generated in 0.106 seconds
Total duration
1,040 users online
1,927,847 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Okay first, it's spelt clouds!, not cloudes. Seriously, use spellcheck or something. And I don't think pegasuses is a proper spelling, try pegasi or pagasus. Pegasusususususususususususususes
Second...why doesn't Dash, I don't know, tell her friends? Y'know, the elements of Harmony, saviours if Equestria, with one of them being a powerful frickin alicorn!! I'm pretty sure they could deal with your insane OC no problem.
5601911 to the first part your comment thank you. To the second part Rainbow Dash charges into things head first! Plus this is based before Twilight comes to ponyville, so there is no powerful alicorn at her side.
5602132 if that is all you have to say please don't read my work. Only post comments like that if it also has constructive criticism.
Hello Luna-tic
a few things you should try to improve:
1. Try to correct these typos. Normally in every story you find 1 or 2 in it, but in this story they are nearly in every sentence, which makes the reading a harder experience than it should, because then you have to reread the whole sentence just to get the context. Ask someone who you know if he can look over it again.
2. The first 2 paragraphs, where you describing derpy and rainbow are unneccessary. Most likely everyone who is on this site will know who they are and know how the look. if your introducing a new pony, its ok, but if its one of the main characters its mostly not neccessary.
3. For future chapters, try not to rush things. The moment when rainbow receives the letter from Steel Wing you could turn it into a inner monologue, where shes fighting with the possibility of telling it her friends or not. It gives a little bit more the feeling of a hard decision insted of "OK, lets go".
Anyway, i like this beginning so far and im interested in how it evolves.
At last sorry for my bad english
if your looking for someone to check it i would be very honored if i could help you with it.
Sincerly,
Theragus
Okay.
It's a good first try, But this need a lot of fixing XD.
5602406 first of all thank you for not only hating in your comment. Secondly I just got a co-author to help me so I always ready have one of those down! I'll send it for him to look at soon and the errors we catch will be fixed. And please point out errors you see be use that would be great help.
5602406 also for point two, thats for people who have not watched the show but do read fan-fiction. the only reason I watched the show at first was because I didn't know what characters looked like.
5601911 i just found out Pegasus's is how you spell it when something belongs to a Pegasus.
5603524 There you go!
This is much better :).
If you need any other help then just ask me and I will do it :D
5603756 thanks, I will.
Do you know what an apostrophe is and what it's for?
5602155 Sorry that was my little sister who read your story Awful is like the only word in her vocabulary
It still is different and fresh
Listen I read your story and it was good but it needs some work
5606498 thanks, that means a lot to me. Wrote what I have on an iPad!
5605853 the correct spelling has already been used. Wouldn't you get confused if there were two entirely different stories, with the same name.
5655594
I suggest you run a story search on the phrase "diamond in the rough" and see how many matches you get.
5655600 okaaaaaaay..............
5655603
In other words, there are easily over a dozen stories called that, so two stories that have the same title isn't going to make a difference.
If confusion worries you that badly, you're better off changing your title than punctuating it incorrectly.
5655609 I was using autocorrect fyi.
5655611
That's why good writers always give their work another read-through before clicking "publish".
5655617 I had my co-author do that.
You give me to much credit.
Really.
Thanks though, And I am happy to help :D.
5678576 I was waiting for super to get his act together.
This is not a bad start to this story, I thought that you did indeed a good job in what you have written thus far. I am going to be keeping track of this story as of when it gets updated. As you continue this tale you have started, would you increase the word amount to each chapter and also think in how to expand each consequent chapter, as it does feel still a little bare-boned at the minute.
-frost
5733838 Thank you for your input and I will try to do better in the future.