• Member Since 11th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

themoontonite


If this is what it means to be a fool, I don't wish to be anything else.

T

When Twilight suggests to Rarity that the Mane 6 get out of Ponyville for a while, she balks at the idea. To trade the comfort of her boutique is tantamount to suicide. Her ire for Twilight and her machinations only grow when she's forced to room with Applejack. It seems that they were the last to know about this little outing and now they've been forced to spend the week together. The entire week!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 10 )

Hey, Rarijack! :rainbowkiss:

Good first effort. I think you could benefit from a little more clarity in just what's happening and when - it's a little blurry of an experience where some things happen fast and others happen slow, and there's certain parts that could be cut entirely without losing much. But that's the sort of thing that comes as you write. It's a learned skill, not a natural talent. The important thing is I can tell you have a lot of the pieces - the grasp of language, the original ideas, and the (most important!) willingness to actually sit down and write ten thousand words. So I'll be looking forward to seeing more from you in the future!

5092736 Yo, thanks! Pacing is always something I've needed to work on but hearing it from someone else is always a big up. I'm excited to get writing again so you can expect plenty more!

It is always nice to read some RariJack. Funny how it just keep "growing" more on me. I guess there is just something about these two that just make things funny, interesting and so on. :ajsmug::raritystarry:

This was really well written. I could actually kinda see this happening.

Have a moustache:moustache:

5151474 My sincerest gratitude for the moustache. :yay:

Yeah! I love this story so much!
:heart::heart::heart::heart:

7013435 Thank you! Hearing that means a lot to me. :twilightsmile:

I know the fic isn't exactly recent, but let me leave a comment, so you can take it into consideration.

Generally speaking, I liked it. I liked how you did the evolution of their relationship. It wasn't a "boom-kiss-love" type, but a much more realistic and in-depth thing. I appreciate that.

There were two problems I noticed, though. Maybe three.

One, lack of distinct dialogue tags. Sometimes I didn't know who was saying what.

Two, lack of distinct perspective shift marks. Sometimes it was unclear whether something was shown from Rarity's or AJ's perspective.

Three, minor issues with paragraphs. In some cases a paragraph split in two would be able to alleviate the second issue.

What a fine helping of Rarijack to enjoy today.

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