• Published 14th Sep 2014
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Celestial Disposition - Kitsulestia



What happens when you turn into Celestia in the middle of school? Government issues, magic, and- Oh, hey, it's Equestria!

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Chapter 7: Of Nightmares and Super Saiyans

Author's Note:

Warning: this chapter contains no instance of Celly trolling somepony. However, that does not mean there aren't any funny moments.

Chapter 7: Of Nightmares and Super Saiyajins

It’s been a week since the Slender Incident, and I’ve learned of an event I wish more than anything to partake in. Nightmare Night. I spent most of my time after learning of how close it was just trying to come up with a costume. Of course I used the internet to look at other people’s ideas. At first, I thought of going as basically an evil version of Celestia, like Nightmare Moon, but I figured that wouldn’t be very original. Honestly, I think everyone else and their cat would do that. While I do still have plenty of time to learn how to make the illusions for that, there’s plenty of other options. Like Wolflestia. I guess that would basically be Okami Amaterasu. There was also going ironically as a vampire. Then there’s being a cyborg badass like Raiden. Or maybe I could be an Animatronic? Ah! There’s just so much to chose!

I decided to take my little conundrum to the Princess Sisters. Maybe I could go with Luna as a pair or something. I stopped a guard as I passed him to ask where the princesses were. He pointed me to what basically was a castle cafeteria. I almost questioned it, because I honestly didn’t know how the whole dining thing worked, but then reminded myself that this was Equestria. A world where a cast of six ponies was more important than how Canterlot Castle worked, in the eyes of its creators.

“Hey, Butt Twins. I wanna do a thing for Nightmare Night, but I can’t decide on a costume.” I addressed them. Tia raised an eyebrow at the collective nickname.

“Butt Twins? What exactly do you mean?”

“Sunbutt.” I pointed at Celestia. “Moonbutt.” I pointed at Luna, who looked between me and Tia for a moment.

“Wait, Celly. Would it not it be more accurate to dub you two the ‘Butt Twins?’” She pointed out.

“Huh. That’s true.” I admitted. “I’m gonna need another nickname for the two of you together then. Ah, whatever. Nightmare Night first.”

“What is this event, by the way?” Luna asked. “I’ve heard ponies talking about it, but I don’t hear much before they see me and run off giggling for some reason.” Ah, yes. Lack of knowledge can be dangerous. I better fix that. I composed myself, putting on my serious face, and answered.

“Oh, it’s basically the pony version of my world’s Halloween, except it was spawned by the legends of Nightmare Moon. It’s a holiday celebrating the things that scare you. Because sometimes, when there’s no real danger, it’s fun to be scared.” I explained. I turned to Celestia. “By the way, it’s not exactly a good idea to send her out to meet ponies without her knowing such things. In the show, she nearly canceled Nightmare Night because she was hurt by all the fearful reactions to her when she was just trying to make friends.”

“Say what?” Tia blinked. “Oh, I guess it makes sense. The foals love Nightmare Night, and would most likely pretend Luna is still Nightmare Moon for fun. I can see how it’d be hurtful if she doesn’t know why they scream and run.”

“Yes, as insightful as this information is though, why and how could fear possibly be fun?” Luna asked incredulously.

“I think it’s got something to do with adrenaline.” I answered. “Just play along with them. You’ll probably find that they’ll declare you best princess and ask you to come back next year. Just try not to go overboard.”

“Okay, if you say so. Oh, by the way, Sister, do we still use the Royal Traditions like the Royal Canterlot Voice and the Royal We? I haven’t seen any mention of it in the texts I’ve been studying…” Luna asked. I shot a look at Tia and just barely caught her pursing her lips to contain laughter at an idea.

“Tia, please tell the truth. I’m sure it’d be funny to watch, if you lied, but you won’t exactly be there, will you?” I told her. She just grinned a bit.

“No, but I could hear about it from Luna.” She countered. I shook my head.

“It’s just not the same.” I argued. She sighed.

“Fine… No, Luna. We don’t use the Royal We anymore. We only use the Voice when addressing masses though.” Tia relented, telling Luna the truth.

“Thank you, Celly.” Luna said with a grateful smile. “Now, I believe you said you needed costume ideas? Whatever for?”

“It’s the Nightmare Night tradition. Ponies dress up as something they’re not, under the pretense of disguising themselves from Nightmare Moon. Then, they go around and collect candy. When all's said and done, they leave a little sacrifice of their candy for ol Nighty to keep her from eating them.” I explained. Luna looked aghast at the idea of her eating ponies.

“But I’m no cannibal! Not even as a Nightmare, would I eat another pony! Or even meat for that matter. I’ve always prefered to leave such barbaric diet to creatures it was meant for.” Luna argued.

“I know, but think about it. The whole point is to scare. What do you think is scarier to a foal, Eternal Night, or the chance of being eaten?” I pointed out. Luna nodded, seeing my point.

“True… I still don’t like this little idea, though.” She turned to Celestia. “Why couldn’t you have said that I’d lock them in Nightmares instead?”

“Way too grim. I figured I’d just let the kids use their imagination to conjure up silly stuff. Besides, I’m not exactly a wonder with kids like our mother was.” Sunbutt said. I facehoofed.

“You let kids use their imagination. Really? Do you have any idea the number of ways that could go horribly wrong?” I asked rhetorically.

“What’s so wrong with that?” Tia asked. Luna looked at me with the same question in her eyes.

“Three words. Cutie Mark Crusaders.” I answered. The name sparked recognition in Luna.

“Oh, yes. I seem to remember a large sum of damage costs coming from that particular group in the past few months.” Luna said. “What I want to know is where the hay a bunch of fillies got their hooves on a catapult? That thing cost a fortune in hospital bills, both in repair and medical!”

“... Wow, seriously?” Tia questioned incredulously. I nodded with a highly unamused look. “Wow. Maybe I should set some kind of rules on their organisation…”

“Implying they won’t break those rules anyway, even if by accident. They’re told practically every other day not to go into the Everfree Forest and guess what they do anyway.” I reply. “And despite their numerous encounters with Timber Wolves, Manticores, and Cockatrices, they still haven’t learned not to go in there. Honestly, it’s like they can’t respect the fact that it’s Predator territory.”

“Wow. Just… wow.” Tia seemed at a loss for words. Luna nodded in agreement.

“Ugh. Let’s move on before I give myself a headache.” I groaned. I pulled out my laptop and opened up Google Images. “I still wanna talk about my costume. I’ve already got a bunch of ideas, I just need to pick one.” I first brought up pictures of Okami. “This is one idea I had. It’s Okami Amaterasu, a genuine goddess. The world is a canvas for her, and she can do a ton of things to it with her celestial brush techniques. Like changing night into day and vice-versa.”

“Wow. Looks kind of like me, that one time I was toying around with transfiguration magic and turned myself into a wolf.” Tia commented. I blinked. She did what? Apparently it happened after Luna got sent to the moon, because Luna seemed just as surprised.

“Wait a second, you did what?” Luna asked in shock. A few of the kitchen staff had stopped to stare at Celestia too.

“Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that.” Tia said with an amused chuckle. “It’s quite an amusing tale. One of the castle staff thought it’d be funny to see what happened if they slipped a Poison Joke petal into my tiara. I was playing with transfiguration magic that day, and the little petal got my magic all confused. So I ended up turning myself into a wolf, rather than just changing the color of my regalia.”

“Oh, wow. I’m guessing you shocked quite a few ponies? What happened to the pranker?” I asked, curious.

“Oh, he got what was coming to him. I turned his own prank against him. And by that, I mean I hid in his room and scared the living daylights out of him when he got back.” She grinned.

“You got any pictures? The fans back home would love it.” I asked. Tia nodded. She turned to an attendant nearby.

“Hey, Shield, would you mind grabbing my prank album real quick?” She requested. She turned to us when Shield nodded and trotted off. “I like to keep an album of all my best pranks. Whether they happened to me, or I was the one pulling them. I can always get a good laugh anytime I look in it. It’s one of the things that’s kept me sane over my many years ruling Equestria.”

“That’s cool.” I appraised with a smile. I turned back to the computer to look up the subject of my next costume while the album was being fetched. I turned the screen to them to show Raiden. “Let’s talk about other costumes while he’s getting it. This one’s Raiden, also known as Jack the Ripper. The dude’s a cyborg ninja with a traumatic past. He’s crazy fast with a sword. So fast that what may only appear to be two swipes could actually be 50. Even crazier is the fact that he goes absolutely psycho when he turns off his pain inhibitors.”

“That’s rather scary when you think about it.” Luna shuddered. “What about his weapons? A ninja doesn’t fight without bringing weapons.”

“He uses a high frequency blade. It’s metal vibrates so fast it destabilizes the molecular bonds between atoms, making it capable of cutting through metals like adamantium in an instant. And that metal’s strength is only exceeded by another that was forged from the core of a dwarf star!” I answered. Both princesses dropped their jaw. I spotted one pony in the background rapidly switching his shocked gaze between me and his Power Ponies comic. After a moment, he tossed his comic aside and trotted closer to listen.

“A single blade… can be that strong?!” Luna asked in absolute shock. I chuckled.

“Just wait until you hear about a ton of other games, comics, and other things.” I replied. I then went back on the search. “Like the guy that literally punched god to death, uppercutted a guy so hard, they both flew to the moon, and somehow countered a move that’s supposed to obliterate your soul.”

The room fell silent. I looked up to find everyone staring at me in shock. “What? I didn’t come up with the most overpowered, yet badass characters in the multiverse. Honestly, the most powerful thing I’ve ever come up with is a freaking werepony with ice powers.” I went back to my search. “Anyway, here’s some pics the fans made of you. Speculation about what you’d look like if you’d gone Nightmare instead of Luna.” I said as I turned the screen to the princesses. A number of other ponies gathered to take a look.

“Hmm… What do you guys think?” Tia turned to the group of ponies behind her. A few of them stepped up and pointed out pics on the screen, giving their opinions honestly, much to the shock of others. The last one pointed out one and gave a full review of it.

“That molten form is really eye catching, and even reflects the nature of her emotions. It also has a really strong fear factor in it. I bet the only one who would face something like that is Discord.” He said. Then, after some thought, “Or maybe that guy who punched a god to death.”

“Okay, that makes sense, but what about Luna? She didn’t turn into some kind of Ice Elemental. She became more like a thestral.” A mare debated. She caught my interest. It got me wondering what Luna would have looked like if she had turned out like that. “What if Celestia’s nightmare form was something like that too? Something more down to Equis, like a dragon?”

“You do raise a good point…” The stallion admitted. “But you’re using an outside point of reference. Celestia isn’t Luna. Besides, like I said before, the Magma form fits with the heat-emotion relationship of her biology.”

“Hehe… Well, you got me there.” The mare relented. I decided to take a turn though.

“Well, you guys ever hear that old saying, about there being only two sides of every coin? It’s a lie. There’s a third option here, and that’s to mix the two together. Think about it, the awesomeness of the Magma form, and the practicality of the Dragon idea, put together. It’d make the perfect costume, too!” I presented my case. They smiled widely.

“Brilliant!” the stallion agreed. The mare showed her approval by sqeeing with a huge smile. I noticed Tia and Luna sharing a very serious glance at the last second. Tia’s face instantly changed into one of enjoyment.

“That was a rather entertaining debate. I honestly never would have imagined my ponies talking about what I’d look like as a Nightmare.” She commented. Then, the attendant from before arrived.

“Hey, princess. I got that album. Sorry I took so long, but this castle seriously needs a map or something. I nearly got lost just trying to find the library!” He complained as he gave Tia the album.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She replied as she took it and opened it to the right page. I took a look, and chuckled at the picture. She really did look like Amaterasu. I changed the image search to show Tia the online pics of said wolf.

“You two really do look like twins.” I remarked. She chuckled and nodded.

“That we do.” Tia agreed. She then turned to address the crowd. “I think we should get the day started though. My sisters and I still have a country to run. Shield, would you mind taking the Album to my quarters?”

I raised an eyebrow at her choice of words. Sisters? She’s implying that I can run the country with her? The most I could do right now was foalsit BlueBelle, and run the Day Court. And only one of those is actually deciding things about how things worked, or what to do with certain problems. Thankfully, I’d taken to studying Economics back on earth in my year as Celly. That, and other subjects that may or may not help me run Equestria.

“Let’s go, girls.” Tia said as she got up. I’d barely noticed Shield walking out with the book. Luna and I followed suit, and I fell in step behind them as we left. I was a bit thrown off when they made their way away from the throne room, deeper into the castle.

“Uh… I know I’m new to the castle and all, but… isn’t the throne room the other way?” I asked, pointing down the other hall. Celestia gestured with a wing to follow.

“Come on, there’s something we need to show you. It’s not safe to show you here though. We’d rather not hurt our ponies.” She told me. She didn’t say anything else as she kept walking, so I just followed. Soon enough, we got to some evidently older and less visited parts of the castle. I was pretty surprised, as I thought there wasn’t a single inch of the castle untouched by maids or a cleanup crew of some kind.

“Is it just me, or is it getting cold?” I asked as a shiver ran down my back. Never thought I’d feel the cold again, but it was welcome.

“That’s the magic of the seal back here interacting with your- and by extension, my- magic. We’ve placed a personal seal back here to keep anypony other than us from entering. Normally, it’d be far too dangerous to bring anypony here, but you’re me. You see, “Nightmare Moon” was really just a higher form caused by Luna releasing most of her power. Her innate power over elements of the Night elevated to new heights, and since Darkness is one of those elements, she nearly lost her mind to it.”

“Wow, really? I always thought it was something King Sombra did to her.” I replied, surprised. Luna scoffed.

“That wretched coward would have to be stupid to use his dark magic on me, and he most certainly wasn’t. He knew the power I had over Darkness. He tried to feed on it instead of fueling it.” She corrected.

“Luna can go beyond what she revealed during her madness, and so can I. Of course, by extension, this means you can too, James.” Tia told me. I suddenly thought of a certain fitting meme. Fool! That wasn’t even my final form! It’s like Sonic with his Super form. Or maybe Goku with his, considering the power only really comes from inside.

“Alright, so how do I do it?” I asked, getting straight to the point. Luna and Celestia then both started up their magic, making ethereal keys with it.

“You just need to unlock it.” the elder sister said with a wink. Then, the two of them plunged the keys into their chests and twisted them, causing their bodies to start glowing. First, their battle armor from Fall of the Crysal Empire flashes onto them, then their appearances alter a bit, Luna enters her Nightmare Moon form, while Celestia starts looking a bit more heavenly.

Then, the scary part happens. Celestia starts burning, and her sister grows spikes of ice in dangerously effective places. In the last stage, Celestia literally melts into molten magma, but the outside cools enough to become obsidian. Luna, on the other hand, became ethereal, looking like the freaking tantibus from “Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep.” I couldn’t help but stare in awe as I felt the blasting heat and cold of their new forms. I trotted up to them and poked them. Celestia felt really hot, and I enjoyed the superheated lava, but when I touched Luna, it felt like I was being stabbed in the hoof a million times over by hypothermia knives. I just calmly withdrew my hoof from her and stuffed it in Tia’s molten flank.

“Holy shit, that was cold.” I commented as I warmed my hoof.

“Well I did just become the embodiment of Darkness, Ice, and Wind.” Luna replied.

“These are our final forms. This is the point we are at our most powerful. By the way, could you take your hoof out of my ass?” Tia said with a perfectly straight face. It was actually kinda freaky to watch her talk, what with the inside of her mouth glowing. I obliged, but my hoof still felt cold. I figured I could try it just to warm up.

“Alright my turn.” I said. I then did the key thing, and felt power explode inside me like an orga.. um. Nevermind. I felt the light of the Sun flood through me, quickly followed by the blazing heat of magma. It felt like a far more pleasant version of the transformation that made me Celestia back in that school. Then it escalated as I felt my skin melt, and then harden into obsidian. Then it started feeling weird. It was more like I was made of fluids than rock and lava. I guess that’s why I could stuff my hoof into Tia’s flank. I looked down at myself, watching as lava threatens to flow off my legs, but just flows back up like blood carried in the circulatory system.

“I feel weird. Is turning into this technically like turning into a fiery slime pony?” I asked. After a moment, I also felt something else stirring within me. “And why am I suddenly horny?”

“This form takes the concept of heat and applies its many various meanings. Even that one.” Tia answered.

“Lucky.... I always get the opposite.” Luna complained. A thought suddenly crossed my mind.

“Hey, is this where Spike’s egg came from?” I asked. The question made Tia stiffen for a moment, before she nodded. I threw my hooves into the air. “Woo! I can screw dragons!” my cheer made Celestia and Luna blink and stare at me like I’d grown a third head. I probably could. I blinked when I felt digits on my hooves though. Oh yeah, malleable form. ”WOO! I GOT MY FINGERS BACK!”

I stood up, going full anthro with my second cheer because I missed my human figure. This caused the two royal sisters to give me a more shocked stare-of-third-head.

“How the buck are you doing that? Your bone structure shouldn’t allow it!” Luna asked. Celestia had pretty much the same question, based on her face.

“What bones? I’m pretty sure they melted alongside everything else.” I asked with childlike glee.To prove my point, I turned my head around a full 360, like an owl. Seeing their overly creeped out faces, I started walking towards them, only to trip on my tail. When I fell over, though, I ended up splattered all over the floor. It felt really weird, feeling myself in places I shouldn't be, but hey. I’m a freakin Slime Pony. Strangely, I could also feel some of the surrounding rock, like it was almost a part of me, but not quite yet. So, I gathered myself up, and stood back up.

“Sorry about that. Forgot to adjust my tail.” I said as I got up. “Anyway, what else can I do?” Celestia shook her head to clear it of her daze and gave me a straight look.

“In this form, you can melt and absorb rocks to gain biomass. This, in turn, give you more magma to work with.” She said. Cool, so I’m like a magma conduit. With magic. Tia stomped a hoof down, forcing a large pillar of rock to shoot out of the floor. I nodded and whipped an arm at it, causing my arm to lose shape and extend, and attach to the pillar. I thought back to the rage I felt when I had a gun pressed to my head, and instantly the pillar started melting. My arm quickly consumed the magma it made, and continued consuming more of the rock as it melted. Soon enough, the rock was gone, and I felt slightly heavier.

“Now expel it. Mold it into an attack and strike.” Luna took her turn instructing. She lifted a hoof and several icey blades formed by her sides. I recognised the trick from Fall of the Crystal Empire, and prepared accordingly. I raised my hand, and got my magic revving up to blast, much like the Conduit I was seeing myself as. I cast a quick Precision spell to speed up my reaction time as Luna started sending the blades at me, and I shot off bolts of magma to intercept the blades. What blades I couldn’t shoot down, I smacked out of the way with a blade arm almost as badass as the one Alex Mercer used. It was weird, using my arm like that. But then again, so was having an amorphous body. Making a part of my body solid like that felt like flexing my muscle so hard it became a cast. When all the blades were gone and Luna was charging me herself, I brought both my hands together to fire a rocket of fire. I heard Luna grunt as the rocket exploded against her, sending her back a few feet.

“Not bad…” she grunted, holding her side.

“Whoops. How bad is it?” I asked, worried for her.

“I’ll be sore for the rest of the day, but that’s about it.” Luna assured me. She turned an inquisitive eye to me after shrugging off most of the pain.

“Am I gonna be burning and melting everything like this?” I questioned my next concern.

“Unfortunately, yes. The initial transformation is about as hot as a supernova. The only reason it didn’t melt these halls is because they’re made from over enchanted Dragon scales and bedrock.” Tia answered. Well, that’s interesting. Not bad, per say, interesting.

“Now I see why next to no pony’s ever seen you like this. Probably no survivors.” I commented.

“True. I did only recently learn how to focus the heat blast into a controlled radius though.” Tia said.

“What was that spell you cast earlier? It looked like a time spell, but different.” Luna asked.

“It’s a precision spell I crafted during my year of isolation. It accelerates your reaction time for a short duration, making time appear slower than it is.” I answered. Their eyes widened and they shared a glance.

“We could have really used a spell like that in the past. Think you can show us?” Tia requested. Wait, I knew a spell they didn’t? Awesome! I wasn’t about to take advantage of that fact though. There are probably more than that, and they might actually need this one. I formed the glyphs a bit slower so they could see the spell’s construct themselves. I even did it in that stylized way that made it quick and simple to cast. As they studied it, I wondered if I’d keep my new shape when I locked up the power again. Speaking of which…

“Uhh, how do I turn back?” I asked.

"It won’t be easy, but you’ll need to contain all that extra power where it came from before you can replace the seal. Allow us to demonstrate.” Tia answered. Next thing I know, Celestia’s molten skin hardened and crumbled off of her before beginning to rise, and Luna’s ethereal look faded into the wind, making it pick up. Both elements hovered there for a moment, before flying into their chests, where the power was originally locked. This left them both in their second forms. but that was next to go. Luna’s ice shattered into shards, and started orbiting her, and Celestia’s fires flew about her in ribbons, entering the lock one strip at a time. Soon after, Light and Darkness exploded on each of them respectively, causing their first forms to fade away and returning them to their base forms. The Light and Darkness smoothly followed the fire and ice, and all that power shined from the lock for a moment. Finally, they recreated the keys and locked up the power.

“Now… it’s your turn.” Tia told me. She sounded really hoarse though. I guess all that heat killed any water in her system and left her pretty dehydrated. It makes sense that a form that powerful would have its drawbacks, but that drawback seemed a little weak. Well, I better get started. I get the feeling those two just made it look easy.

… HOLY SHIT! I HATE BEING RIGHT! Just trying to get the Earth element out of me felt like I was trying to pick up the entirety of the planet! If raising the sun was anything like this, I am not looking forward to it. Through sheer force of will, I forced the Earth element back into me.

Breathless, I moved on to the fire element. This one was much easier to move, but still pretty tough. I discovered I had to keep the Earth element held inside as I dealt with the others. And that alone was challenge enough. I treated the flames like they were meant to be treated as I moved them: wild and livid. I kept the flames circling me as I tried to contain a little at a time, and even the parts I contained, I kept moving.

As soon as I got the fire in, I worked on the Light. This element behaved much more differently than the others. It was perfectly calm and obedient, listening to my command. Due to the difficulty of maintaining the other two elements in their lock, I didn’t waste time on being flashy. I made the light rush straight into the lock, and brought my key into it. As soon as the lock closed, I breathed a sigh of relief. That breath turned into a coughing fit as my dry throat threatened to close itself off and constrict the life out of me.

“Luna, get the water, please.” Celestia calmly rasped. “We definitely need it.” Luna nodded and took off down the hall, though I could see she was shivering a lot. Remembering the game Ark:Survival Evolved, and what temperature did to you, I assumed she was gonna need a lot of food. And warmth. I tried to recover from my hoarse throat, but it was pretty tough. There was too much friction. At least until Luna came back with food and water. She handed me a gallon and I greedily gulped it down. Celestia drank too, and Luna sat close to her. As soon as I could breathe again, I noticed I unfortunately didn’t keep my anthropomorphic form, but even worse was the smell.

“UGH! What the- Is that me?!” I recoiled in disgust. “Eeugh. I smell like a thousand year old fart.”

“And now you see the other reason we don’t go full power.” Celestia told me. “Thankfully, we’ve got a washroom back here for exactly this situation.”


An hour later found me returning to Tia’s room. I suppose we share it now, since I’m her. To be honest, I haven’t had sleep in little over a month, and the concept of weekly naps sounds rather appealing. I think I’ll adopt it. But, first order of business, I need to update the science team. Tia and Luna gave me clearance to tell them about what I called the Mega Evolutions, so I intend to do so. So, as soon as I got to the desk, I got out my laptop and called up the dudes.

“Hey, Celly. What’s up?” Dave answered the call. I gave him a tired grin.

“Things have been kinda crazy. I learned I’ve got a whole ‘nother level of power I never knew I had before. I could be a living Nuke.” I told them.

“Whoa, seriously?” Dave asked.

“Yeah, seriously. I wish I could show you, but the laptop would just melt… along with a good portion of the castle.” I confirmed.

“Yikes. Wouldn’t want that.” He agreed. “So what’s the specs?”

“It’s crazy. There’s three forms, each with an element added on. First level is Light, second is Fire, and third is Earth. And the final form is basically a magma slime. A Nuclear magma slime.”

“Think you can draw what they look like?” Dave requested. I shook my head.

“I’m an author, not an artist. But maybe I could have Luna or Tia do that. Anyway, there’s some pretty cool features of the Magma form, like being Amorphous. I got to enjoy a humanoid body for a bit. But the problem is that when I power down, I’m dehydrated and smell like sulphur.”

Dave wrinkled his nose. “Ugh. That doesn’t sound very pleasant.”

“No, it wasn’t I’m a bit sad that the anthro form didn’t carry over, but it’s not the end of the world. I mean unless I go full power in the middle of a public place, anyway. The initial release is about as hot as a Supernova, according to Tia.”

“That’s a scary thought. What about Luna?” Dave asked.

“She’s secretly a wendigo.” I joked. “And Nightmare Moon isn’t actually an evil alternate form, it’s a higher form of power that embodies darkness. Her elements are Darkness, Ice, and Wind, in that order.”

“Mind: blown.” one of the science dudes in the back commented.

“I know, right? I was so shocked when I found out, I thought it was a good idea to poke them. Luna was cold as fuck, so I stuck my hoof in Tia’s molten flank to warm it up. It felt like warm jello.”

Silence.

“You… what? I must be missing some kinda context here, because I cannot picture you sticking your hoof up someone's ass.” Dave said.

“NO! Not like that! Jeeze! l-like mud or something, you apply enough pressure and your hands going sink into it!” I groaned. “And now I can’t get that image out of my head!”

“Hehe. Sure it is.” He grinned.

“Shut up. She went Super Saiyajin and I could actually feel the heat for once. Can you really blame me for sticking my hoof into lava after touching hypothermia?”

“Alright, you’ve made your- wait, Super Saiyajin? Is that what you’re calling it?” Dave cut off his dismissive remark.

“It’s accurate.” I justified. “Anyway, after nearly suffocating from dehydration, I need a nap. Tia and Luna’s weekly nap idea’s pretty appealing, and I say it’s my turn. I’ll talk to ya guys next time I’ve got big news.”

“Alright, see ya later, Celly. We ought to switch shifts too, anyway.” Dave bade his farewell. With that, I said bye and closed the call. As soon as I locked up, I curled up on Tia’s little bed, and let myself drift into sleep.