The First Events
So these Friendship Games things are starting up, and what a treat it's gonna be. Preppy douche bags vs. the scrappy underdogs. They've been training for months, I guess, and they've finely honed their special skills and now they've finally come to the first event which is...
Building a birdhouse?
Okay, there's a little more than that, like... baking a cake and turning blue chemistry stuff into a different color.
Kind of like starting the Equestria Games with a thrilling round of checkers, isn't it? I kind of expected more from the buildup that this has been getting. I know Prince Antares said that these are high schools, not professional athletes, but come on...
A birdhouse? Prince Antares was telling me about this thing back on Earth called American Ninja Warriors. That sounded like a way better direction for the games to go in.
I sighed as they announced the winners of the first round of the Friendship Games. As I expected, it was six of the douchiest kids from Crystal Prep and the Elements. I really wanted to pay more attention to snoopy Twilight here, but the plastic chairs they'd set out for us were freaking uncomfortable, and Twilight seemed to kind of be blending into the background.
"So..." Blaze frowned and rubbed his chin. "What were they even trying to do on the chalkboards there?"
Prince Antares sighed and rubbed his temples. "I don't know. I flunked physics hard in middle school. For all I know, they were just guessing a number that the judges had agreed upon."
I shrugged. "Doesn't really matter, does it? I think the point is that Crystal Prep took the round, or whatever. I... don't think the rest of us are even allowed to know what kind of formula that is. I think getting Twilight to fix the portal is a little more important, though." I made a quiet noise of disgust and narrowed my eyes. "I don't really care for being stuck here."
"Probably not for the best, no." Blaze snorted and leaned back in his chair. "Wouldn't it be funny if it were the formula for napalm, though?"
I flinched back so subtly that Blaze and Prince Antares didn't even notice. The tiny little ball of pressure I'd been carrying in my chest since the war ended flaring up a little bit. Prince Antares was smiling at the little joke. Yeah, I should be too. I forced an amused smirk on my face. Just push it down. It's fine. "Y-yeah. Pretty sure that's not it, though."
"It would have been a lot easier to make if the answer was 'twenty'," Prince Antares admitted. "It's probably something about..." He stared at the chalkboard for a few moments, then shrugged. "I don't know. I can't even begin to make a guess."
"Gibberish, then," Blaze replied as we all stood up.
"Like Rapids said, though, doesn't matter," Prince Antares said. "What I'm a little more interested in is that glowing necklace Twilight has around her neck. Judging by the way it's lighting up, I'm going to guess it's some kind of scanner."
"So not something we can just blow up with a twelve gauge, then?" I guessed.
Prince Antares smiled wistfully and shook his head. "I really doubt it'll come to that. The sirens were trying to take over the world. This one is just playing with fire."
"And we have to show her that fire is bad without her wanting to play with it more." I rolled my eyes. "Which would require a little subtlety from us, wouldn't it?"
"Possibly," Prince Antares said as we began following Twilight out of the room. "I think the big thing is we just get that tracker thing from her, or whatever it is."
I grinned confidently and put on a little more speed. "Sounds like my time to shine."
"Rapids, hold on!" I heard Prince Antares say behind me. "Maybe we should--"
Yeah, I'm probably going to get into a bit of trouble for this, but hey, better solve this quickly, right? She stole the portal home. I am not going to live here for the rest of my life because some imbecile little twerp got big ideas. Thankfully this new Twilight isn't the biggest social butterfly. Either that or girls in this world don't go to the bathroom in little groups. Whatever the case, Twilight popped into the local filly's room, her head down like she really didn't want to be seen by anyone. Too late.
I waited a few seconds, then walked in after her. She'd already made it into a stall by the time I walked in, but I can wait. I'm a trained soldier. She could hide for an hour and I'd still be there, waiting patiently. Of course, I'm just going to break down the fucking door if she doesn't come out in a relatively normal time frame. Let's see how willing she is to trap me here away from my home when I'm beating the Tartarus outta...
I blinked and straightened up a little. Jeez, where did that come from? We'll figure it out without that crap. Prince Antares was right: the Sirens were trying to brainwash all of us. This girl is just... a teenage girl.
Still, though, she trapped me here because she's messing with stuff she can't understand. Granted, I don't get half of it either, but I'm not forcing anypony to live somewhere they don't want to. I spent months away from my home fighting and killing and watching my friends die around me. I wanted nothing more than to just go home where it was safer. Now she's forcing me to stay in another place I don't want to be in because she likes a few science experiments? Yeah, that's not happening.
It's not more than a minute or so before Twilight comes out of the stall farthest from me. She began walking toward the door, but stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes widening when she saw me. I shot her a small grin, making sure to show off a few of my new, pointier teeth.
"You didn't wash your hands."
Twilight gulped and backed away. "I didn't..." She looked back to the stall, her hand instinctively reaching for her necklace device thingie. "I mean, I wasn't in there..." She nodded, then turned to one of the sinks and flipped it on. She ran her hands under it for a few seconds, not even bothering to use any soap, then turned it off and reached for a few paper towels. Unfortunately for her, the bathroom has run out of those. She looked to me as if I'm going to materialize some, but ultimately just wiped her hands on her shirt.
"Ms. Sparkle, I presume?"
"Y-yeah," Twilight replied almost inaudibly. "You're one of the Canadians."
"Sure am." I stopped leaning against the wall and took a step toward her. She instantly takes a few steps back, almost touching the wall behind her. "You have something that doesn't belong to you."
"I haven't stolen anything," she whispered.
"Oh, but you have. You really, really have." I took another step toward her, and she finally backed into the wall. She whimpered and curled up a little, her arms crossed over her necklace. "I think you know what it is."
"It's just a little energy from the statue outside!" Twilight insisted. "It's not like--"
"But you know that's not true, don't you? I know I know it's not true. You strike me as a little smarter than that." I crossed my arms and smirked at her. "For example, you already know who I am. You wouldn't happen to have been watching us, would you? Studying us? Listening to stories about us?"
The look of fear in her eyes tells me that I've hit the mark on that one. Yeah, she's not Little Miss Innocent here. She knows what she's doing. Well, I'm not going to let her get away with it.
"So here's the deal, Twilight." I pointed at the necklace and narrowed my eyes. "Give it to me. Give it to me right now or I'm going to take it from you, and that's not going to look pretty. You do that and we just go our separate ways and never speak to each other again."
"You can't," Twilight whimpered. "I-it's my life's work! I'll try to stop doing whatever it is you don't like me doing, but I need this for my studies!"
"You seem to be under the impression that I'm merely asking you for it, and that you are in a position to decline. Both are incorrect." I took another step forward, and, with nowhere else to go, Twilight slid to the floor and huddled in the corner. "I'm not going to let you do it, got me?"
"Do wh--"
"You're not trapping me here. Okay?!" The tiny ball of pressure in my chest started building. I rubbed the back of my neck a little and turned to the bathroom mirror. "Just give me the device. Build another one if you want, but you're going to give me the one you have and you're going to stay so fucking far away from this school that you'll forget its name, got it?"
Of course, the best answer to that demand would have been "yes." Maybe even "yes ma'am" if she felt like it. Instead she responded with the dumbest fucking thing imaginable. She whispered it so quietly I barely heard it, but yeah, I still heard it.
"What happened to your face?"
I wheeled around, my eyes wide as the ball of pressure spread. "Excuse me?" I growled.
Twilight tried backing further into the corner, and I saw her eyes flick over to the bathroom door like she could run past me and I wouldn't stop her. "I'm sorry, I just--"
I grabbed her by the shirt and lifted her up, slamming her against the back wall. "There is nothing wrong with my face, got it?!" I roared. "It's fine! Perfectly..." I growled and let Twilight go. She flailed back as she lost her balance, but leaned against the wall so she didn't completely fall to the ground. I took a deep breath and tried to massage the ever growing pressure in my chest away. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with my face, got it?"
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know--"
"Yeah, fine. Whatever. It's--" I grabbed the side of my head where my ear used to be and squeezed. I could feel the changeling's teeth sinking into my ear. When he pulled away and I heard the tearing sound, I felt like he took part of my scalp with it. "Everything's fine! I'm totally..." I backed into a stall door and continued rubbing the side of my head. I barely registered the sound of Twilight standing up and running out of the room. I turned to the door to run after her, but my mind just... gave up. The ball of pressure receded until it was just in the middle of my chest again.
I'm so stupid. Anything else would have been fine. I could have just stolen it from her, or something. Figured out a plan with Blaze and Prince Antares. It wouldn't all be on me to lead and get everypony through okay. I wouldn't need to worry about messing up and getting us hurt. She's just a scrawny eighteen year old. Nothing like...
I took a deep, shaky breath and walked up to one of the bathroom mirrors. I guess she saw my face when I was moving around. My hair moved, or something. I wished I could grow my mane a little longer. Just hide it all forever.
I gingerly brought a hand up to my hair, never breaking eye contact with my double in the mirror. It would have been easier to lift a boulder than move my hair away from my face, but I slowly pulled back my hair. I almost ran out of the bathroom right then when I saw the first scar. One right under my eye running to where my ear used to be. Another one on my jaw. A little chunk out of my cheek. I shuddered and covered it all up with my hair again. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong with my face. It's just a little... banged up. I'm not some deformed freak now.
I took another deep breath and walked out of the bathroom where, predictably, Prince Antares and Blaze waited for me. Prince Antares... didn't look happy, if his glare was any indication.
"Mind explaining what just happened?" he growled. "Twilight just ran out of the bathroom sobbing. She even still had the necklace."
"I'm sorry, Prince Antares," I muttered. "I wasn't thinking. I asked for the necklace and got kind of... pissed."
"Lieutenant Rapids, we can't be like that here, okay? Especially not with Celestia already mad at us. What's more is that this Principal Cinch character doesn't really seem to be someone overly forgiving. If word gets to her what just happened, it's going to make things even more difficult for us. What's going to happen if we get kicked out of school, or if she gets a restraining order against you, huh?"
"I know. It was dumb." I couldn't even make eye contact with him. I'm a soldier. I'm better than this. I led an army in a world war and I can't handle an eighteen year old girl?
"Yeah, it was. We'll have to see what happens next. You'd better hope that you didn't really mess things up." He sighed and shook his head. "Whatever. We'll just take it as it comes now, I suppose." He beckoned us to follow him. "Come on, let's just go back to the house for right now."
"Yes, Prince Antares."
I walked behind Blaze and Prince Antares, my head low and the ball of pressure in my chest reminding me that I was the current frontrunner for the worst person who had ever lived.
* * * *
"Welcome everyone to the Equestria Games Tri-Cross relay event!"
Both sides cheered as the contestants got prepared on a playing field that probably explained why the cafeteria food would be awful for the next year or two. Seriously, was this in the budget, or did Prince Antares fund it to make up for the last two times we were here?
I leaned in next to Prince Antares. "A little decadent, don't you think? Especially considering that the last event was birdhouses and cakes."
Prince Antares snorted and crossed his arms. "I certainly never went to a school with this kind of budget. Maybe both sides went halfway on this thing? Although who thought it was a good idea to give a bunch of high-schoolers motocross bikes so they could race around a track that should be reserved for professionals I do not know."
"I guess they all have those driver's license thingies that you got the first time you were here," I pointed out.
Prince Antares snorted and nodded. "Yeah, probably. Though I'm not sure it would really relate. On the other hand, they had to have spent some time practicing, right?"
"I doubt it," I said, tilting my head. "I talked to a few of the girls last night. They didn't even know this track was here until yesterday."
"They didn't..." Prince Antares groaned and facepalmed. "How could you miss something like this?! It would have taken weeks to build at least, right?"
"Maybe they were just being subtle about it?" Blaze said, walking up to us with sodas and popcorn. "There have got to be people around here subtler than us."
"Yeah, but this kind of thing would take some construction equipment, right?" Prince Antares pointed out as he took a soda from Blaze. He took a little sip and gave an approving nod. "Didn't know they had their own Coke in this world.
I frowned and tilted my head. "They're giving cocaine to high-schoolers in drink form?"
Prince Antares waved his hand and set the drink down. "No, there isn't any cocaine in this kind of drink... anymore. Long story. Medicine used to be weird. In fact..." Prince Antares raised an eyebrow at Blaze, who was about to dig into some kind of... I don't know what it was. Some red tube thing between bread. "Is that a hot dog?"
"I think that's what they called it," Blaze said, moving the hot dog to his mouth. "I'm here, why not try some new things?"
"I'm not sure if--"
Too late. Blaze took a bite of the hot dog. He chewed for a few seconds, swallowed, then nodded approvingly. "Not bad. Not bad at all." He looked at me and motioned to the hot dog. "You want some?"
"I don't know. What were you going to say about it, Prince Antares?"
"It's... well on top of nobody really knowing what hot dogs are completely made out of, the main ingredient is, theoretically, meat."
Blaze's eyes went wide and he dropped the hot dog into the paper container like it was some poisonous animal. "What the heck?! What kind of meat?!"
Prince Antares shrugged. "Pork, I think? Maybe beef? Depends on the hot dog."
"But no actual dogs, right?" I asked.
"No, I don't think so."
"Oh, that makes it better," Blaze groaned. "So I just ate a cow or a pig, then."
"Right."
Blaze rubbed his face and looked down at the partially eaten hot dog. He sighed and picked it back up. "What the hell."
I turned away as he took another bite. None for me, thanks. As a pegasus, I was slightly more omnivorous than the average pony, meaning that we occasionally ate fish, but pigs and cows are a little much. I've had conversations with cows before. I'm not going to eat one. I took a sip of the soda that Blaze had gotten for me and turned back to the playing field just in time to hear a really annoying airhorn blast.
So archery was first, I guess. They had the competitors hurdle over bales of hay, then swing on a rope before actually getting to the archery because why not? They've built this thing. Might as well get some use out of it. Fluttershy got there just after the Crystal Prep student, who immediately grabbed three arrows and fired them at the target like a show-off, hitting one dead center.
I could hear the thud of the arrows from where I sat. It sounded like... it sounded like the arrow hit flesh. No, that's ridiculous. It's just a wooden target. It's not hitting anypony. That's stupid. It's wood. Nobody's getting hurt. I cleared my throat and massaged the pressure in my chest away. It's all fine. It's a game. Just a stupid little game.
Fluttershy reached the archery stand not too long after, and began ineffectually firing at the target. The first shot didn't even make it two hooves. I took another sip of my soda as Twilight bumbled her way to the archery stand, first tripping over one of the hay bales, then barely swinging over the whole ten hooves of mud. Sheesh, I've seen more athletic newborns. Twilight barely managed to inch her way onto the stand while Fluttershy closed her eyes, raised the bow, and fired blindly in the direction of the target. It hit the target with a loud thud.
The instant it did, I heard a gurgling sound beside me. I turned my head and my eyes widened when I saw one of the soldiers I served with laying next to me. He had his hooves on his neck right at the crossbow bolt protruding from it. He was bleeding out all over the clouds. Before I could reach for him, his eyes glazed over, and he fell through the clouds into the mass of minotaurs below.
Nothing to do for him now. I had to keep fighting. Somebody was firing arrows at us. I looked down at my hooves and saw my... soda? Wait, where was my crossbow? I had...
No, no, I'm at some silly sporting event. Some dumb kids are trying to win a pissing contest between schools. Nothing is going on. I tighten my grip on my drink and take a little sip. Just gotta keep calm.
"Man, Twilight can't aim to save her life, can she?" Blaze joked before finishing off his hot dog.
"I'm going to gather that she hasn't done this before," Prince Antares said. "Should be pretty simple for Canterlot High to win this one."
"Y-yeah." I forced myself to look at the event. I'm being weak. It's a sporting event. Nothing more. Applejack was up now. She seemed like she knew what she was doing. She grabbed an arrow, took a deep breath, then fired.
The arrow whizzed past my head, and I couldn't do anything except fire off a few shots myself and pray to whatever gods were listening that they wouldn't hit me. Half a dozen more ponies fell through the clouds while a dozen more around me screamed in pain from the arrow wounds. I can't help them. How can I help them?! We have to win. That's how we help them. Otherwise--
"Aaand there's another one," I heard Prince Antares say. "I kinda hope she hits one soon, if for no other reason than because it means she won't be beaten afterwards by her fellow schoolmates."
I looked over at the girl next to Twilight and could almost swear that I saw smoke coming out of her head. I forced a weak smile on my face. "She doesn't look happy, no. Although I think she's more worried about her principal. That one has some serious issues."
"No question. Maybe her mother didn't hug her enough," Prince Antares said.
I heard another thud as Twilight fired off another arrow. I flinched back and tightened my grip on my soda. The top popped off a little bit and the drink began spilling over the side, which my shaking hand did nothing to help.
Keep it together. It's nothing like that.
I heard the twang and thud of the arrow being fired and flinched back so hard I spilled some soda on myself. I looked down to clean it up and saw my hoof curled around my crossbow. They'd missed again, but next time I might not be so lucky. I know dozens of good ponies around me weren't.
No, I'm at some stupid sporting event! I'm being stupid! The war is over and we won! I'm not gonna have to do anything like that again. The war's over, I'm fine, Equestria is safe, Prince Antares has recovered, everything is okay!
I heard another arrow hit the wooden wall around the target.
No, no, screw it. I can't do this anymore. I stood up and shakily put my soda down. "Uh, I'm gonna just go over and..." I jerked my thumb behind my shoulder in the direction of the school. "Little filly's room. Be back."
"That's fine," Prince Antares said. "We'll catch you up when you get back."
"Yeah, yeah, right. Whatever."
I walked as quickly as I could in the direction of the school. A big part of me wanted to just go back to the house, but Prince Antares had the keys and license, and I couldn't drive at all. I wanted my wings back! I burst into the school and ran down the hallways looking for an open room. Thankfully the whole school was out watching the games, but that meant a lot of doors had been locked. I growled as I tried another door and found it locked too.
Just give me a fucking break already!
I ran up to the next door which looked like it led to the music room, and pulled on the handle. It swung open and I ran inside. I found a little corner and curled up against it. My jaw wobbled and I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. This is so stupid. I'm a soldier! I led an army. My troops can't see me like this! If they do, then...
No, the war is over. It's back to guarding doors and escorting Prince Antares to his next meeting, or something. I took a deep breath to steady myself then just... stared. Not at anything in particular, although I guess I was technically looking at a drum set. The ball of pressure in my chest was almost throbbing like a heartbeat at this point. I didn't even bother trying to massage it away.
I wanted to go home. I couldn't be trapped here anymore. I wanted to sleep in my own bed. I wanted to walk on my hooves again and fly through the air.
I wanted my mom. I wanted her to come in and wrap her wings around me like a warm, feathery blanket like she did when I was a filly. Back then neither of us thought I'd be a soldier, much less a commander. It was safe. She'd make everything better. I could have my dad there, too. He'd tell me that everything would be okay and that I made him proud every day. My face would be...
My face was fine!
It's not fine. It's not fine. It's a wreck. Even if they managed to make the scars go away, my ear wouldn't be growing back. I touched my ear and flinched back when I felt the teeth again.
I didn't know things could hurt that much.
Maybe that changeling should have killed me. At least it would have been simple. It would have made a little sense, too. We lost hundreds of ponies in the clouds that day. Why did I have to be one of the survivors? I definitely had enough arrows come pretty close. Just a few inches away for a few of them and I'm the one falling through the clouds. Not that I'd know. If I'm falling through the clouds then I'm already gone.
I kept staring at nothing. I don't know how long. I felt like I wanted to cry. I hadn't been able to yet. The closest I came was when they were trying to fix me up. I grunt in pain and slam my fist against the wall as my ear twinges with the pain of the medic cauterizing what was left of it. I hadn't actually seen what my missing ear looked like in my human form, but I hazarded a guess that i had about as much left of it as I do when I'm a pony.
My breathing becomes deeper as the pain in my ear isn't going away. The ball of pressure in my chest is hurting almost as much as the ear. I slowly get to my feet and begin lightly tapping the wall with my fist. As the pain continues, the tapping becomes harder until I'm fully punching the wall.
Keep it together.
It hurts less than the ear.
My hand began screaming in pain as I hit the wall again and again. Every hit meant that the ball of pressure faded, if only for the second my hand impacted. I'd take it. I'd take even just the half second of relief.
I vaguely heard the door opening behind me, but I didn't care. I just kept hitting the wall. Let them watch. They don't understand. They couldn't understand.
"What in the world are you doing?!"
I wheeled around that that voice and glared when I saw Principal Celestia behind me, a look of angry disbelief on her face. "Don't worry about it. It's none of your business."
"You are punching a wall in my school. I am not under the impression that you will damage it, but I must ask you to stop." Celestia's gaze flickered down to my hand, and she frowned. "Why are you even punching the wall in the first place? Your hand is bleeding."
"Who cares? Aren't you supposed to be at your Friendship Games or something like that?"
"The round ended half an hour ago. Your bleeding is a little more important right now."
I looked down at my hand and sure enough, I'd cut it open a little bit. I looked over to the wall and saw some of my blood on it. Guess I'd have to clean that up.
"It's nothing," I said, a small sob marring my voice. "Don't worry about it. I'll clean up the blood and bandage up my hand. Whatever. You don't need to care."
Celestia must have heard the sob, because her glare softened. She took a tentative step toward me. "I'm not foolish enough to ask if you are alright. You clearly are not. Do you need to talk to somebody or--"
"I'm fine!" I snarled, taking a step back. "I don't need to talk to anypony, Prince Antares, I'm perfectly okay!"
Celestia gave me a flat look and crossed her arms. "You've had this conversation before, then. You just called me Prince Antares."
"No I..." Actually, yeah, I might have. Oops. I growled and wiped my eyes again. "It doesn't matter. I'm fine."
"No, you're not."
"Yes I am, Celestia! This doesn't concern you."
Celestia's eyes narrowed. "Maybe not. The point stands that you are not okay right now."
The tears began falling faster than I could wipe them away. I opened my mouth to speak again, but all that came out was a sob. I took another step back. I can't do this in front of Celestia. She hates me enough without having me bother her with this.
"Ms. Rapids, what is wrong?"
"Noth--" Oh forget it. She's not stupid, and I'm not okay. The ball of pressure slowly faded, and all my energy went with it. I just went blank and sat down against the wall, staring at the floor.
"It's... it's my fault," I whispered.
"What is?"
I took a few shaky breaths and made a futile effort to dry my tears. "Th-the last big thing that happened to us between now and the last time we were here was a world war." Celestia quietly gasped at that. Yeah, bet she didn't see that coming. "Prince Antares was hurt. Got his shoulder sliced open in the first battle. He couldn't keep leading after that, so it fell to me to take control of the army. I had to coordinate the defenses of my home against the largest army in history. We had a few advantages. Prince Antares created this stuff called napalm. We still had some after the first battle.
"My troops were in the clouds where we could snipe at them. We know they'd brought troops that could fly too, but we didn't know it was thousands of them. Tens of thousands. More than I could ever imagine. During the first battle we put the clouds up high where we thought they would be out of range of their arrows. We weren't. Not even close. For the second battle, I was the one who decided where the clouds would go. I had them moved up higher, but not so high that we'd start getting affected by the atmosphere. I thought I'd hit a sweet spot.
"Then the battle actually started. Their flying troops flew up at us before we could even react. I should have figured that they might do that and prepare accordingly. We tried to shoot as many as we could, but there were just so many of them. They burst through the clouds and for a few moments it was just complete slaughter. A few of them even managed to get ahold of some napalm and make themselves into suicide bombers with it. The lucky ones were just evaporated. The rest had to try to put out the sticky fire that engulfed them." I groaned and rubbed my ears. "The screams. You can't even imagine."
"I tried shouting out a few orders. Something that would get us organized, but that's when one of them came after me. I didn't know it until he tackled me. He had a knife." I brushed my hair aside, revealing the scars. Celestia's eyes widened at the sight of my mangled face. "Cut me up. Took a little chunk out with his teeth, too. Not a lot, but enough to be painful. I managed to fight him back a little and I got the knife away from him. I lost my helmet in the scuffle. He took advantage of that and sunk his teeth right into my ear. He pulled and..." I whimpered and began rubbing the back of my neck. "I heard the tearing sound. I didn't realize what happened at first. It felt like he'd torn off half my scalp. I was already bleeding from the knife wounds. I managed to recover in time to make sure he didn't get the drop on me again.
"He... he ate the part of my ear he took. That's probably the only reason I'm still alive. He paused for a second too long to eat my ear. I cut his head right off for that. Got splattered with his blood, but I was already covered in it. What's a little more added to the mix?"
I moved my hair fully away from my mangled ear and showed her what was left. Probably not a lot. I heard her gasp again. I know she probably didn't mean to. No need to make me feel like more of a freak, right? Well, she'd already heard this much. Might as well keep going.
"I just kind of laid there after that. At first I was in so much pain I didn't even know my own name. After a few minutes I guess I kind of overloaded. I just went numb. I laid there and let the battle happen around me. I heard the fighting and the screaming and the dying all around me, but I couldn't get up. I needed to get up! I was their commander and I just laid there like a little foal with a scraped knee!" My breathing became heavier and marred with sobs. I had to take a few more deep breaths to calm myself down.
"I should have been better than that! I was their commander! I should have just pushed the pain away and led my soldiers. More of them would be alive now if I'd just stopped whimpering like a baby and done my fucking job! There are ponies who are dead because I couldn't stand up and fight! Then there's the question of why none of the changelings just finished me off! It would have been so easy. I was weak; I wasn't going to put up a fight! So why did none of them bother? They fight my soldiers but don't kill the easy target? Why? I didn't want to die lying on my side bleeding all over the place, but it would have at least made sense! Right now I just can't... figure it out! Dozens of better ponies than me died fighting and I--"
I was cut off when Celestia put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw her kneeling in front of me. For a moment I felt like I was in front of Princess Celestia herself. I felt kind of small and insignificant.
"Ms. Rapids. I don't know all of the details of this battle. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I do know this: you are not to blame for any of it. It was battle. Battles are chaos. I know it hurts, but I can't begin to fathom how much it hurts. You have visible scars, but you also have invisible ones that I do not know if you have addressed, if the fact that you called me Prince Antares is any indication. But I can say this: you call yourself weak, but I do not see that. You've made it this far, and that takes immense strength. Pain is not a sign of weakness. Needing to take time to cry is not weakness. It's acknowledgement that what you went through was horrific. You are not to blame for what happened that day."
My jaw wobbled. No. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She wasn't there! She didn't see it. So how... how...?
I tried to stop it. I really did, but I couldn't. I completely broke down. I don't know why, but I pulled Celestia into a hug and held on like we were the only two people left in the world. After a few moments she returned it and just held me while I cried.
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And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you portray PTSD.
Wow, PTSD can really take a toll into a soldier's mind. I like how the situation is played as serious.
8310394 As someone with PTSD, I'd never play it for anything but serious.
Damn. Let's hope Rapids can get some proper help now
The solution is simple: Harem Ending
Sonata/Celestia/Fluttershy
Also, it was time for the PTSD.... I suppose Antares could not know what is.
8310395
You have my respect.
Maybe it's just because Celestia is best princess, but I approve of Celestia taking the comforting role. She strikes me as really maternal like that.
8310673
Good practice too, since she's preggers.
I think it was a good choice. Celestia's probably heard or read about someone having PTSD before, and hopefully might be able to point Rapids in the right direction for getting some help. The others probably would not have.
Poor Rapids. She is probably my favorite character in this series. I'd give her a hug, but I think she would punch me in the face.
8311067
Heck you, viva la TD.
Damn that was a powerful chapter. Good choice with Celestia.
8311067
Not... sure why she'd punch you.
I believe the first "I" should be "you".
I believe he ate.
A powerful chapter.
It was confusing at first, but I got that it was from Rapids' viewpoint later.
You are good at what you do. Now we need more.
Brilliant as always!
a super good chapter.
as to Rapids PTSD.
I have a vary close friend that was in the sand box that has battled PTSD since then I watch it all but destroy his life. after years he is just now to the point ware most people would never guess.
PTSD and survivor's guilt. That sort of thing should NEVER be left alone to just fester like that, but people are bloody stubborn. I'm just surprised it took her this long to crack. It's good that she's finally letting some of it out.
This is the first story to make me tear up, let alone cry. That includes every book I've ever read. Congratulations.
So I found this...orig00.deviantart.net/9495/f/2014/183/7/b/sunset_shimmer_is_a_mean_canadian__by_sharpysaber-d7oy1cp.png
8736038
Ha. Well, all of the VAs are Canadians, so...
8736090
I don't get it. Also, when's this going to be updated?
8736104
All of the voice actors for MLP are Canadians.
8736385
Ah.
8833553
(If you're part Irish... I'm part Irish and Scottish) It's the luck of the Irish
Do you know people with PTSD or have you suffered it yourself at some point? You have done an excellent job of showing what goes on in someone's mind during an episode. At the very least, you've really done your research. As a member of the military with friends who have suffered it, I thank you for your dedication to the matter. While I agree any of your choices would have been great, I truly believe Celestia was the best.
9135567
Have it myself. So yeah, pulled some stuff from personal experience.
Uh-uh, rapids is starting to suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder better known as PTSD........
shit,
That ain’t good, that ain’t good at all, although, it does increase you’re situational awareness, only downside is that is showing things that aren’t there, if that worked the opposite of that however..... can you say spiderman? Cuz that’s what he has, a reversed form of PTSD, his situational awareness is off the charts,
And now she has it, fan-fucking-tastic...........
I like all the nitpicks about the motocross race.
fun fact, you don’t actually need a driver’s license to race
Heard of a kid that was about 11-12 that was driving professionally
10502691
Or how Max Verstappen was driving F1 cars when he was too young to get a drivers' license.
Do you think you hung enough lampshades on the relay track? budget, motocross, and the impressive efficiency of Iron Will Construction... and this of course:
the fact this was the least unusual detail of that part of the movie really says something doesn't it? I mean, I don't want to be too critical of the movie in this, since they were probably having a hard time figuring out how to give Applejack an opportunity to demonstrate honesty (and Rainbow to demonstrate loyalty, I guess?)... but still.
oh for the love of...
finally! making some progress! I don't think I need to tell you that this is only the beginning on her road to recovery (I do have some PTS, but you probably know it better than I do). Also I think Celestia was the right choice. She's got that whole "ancient wisdom" thing... even if this version of her probably isn't that old.