8. A Spell for dinner
“Shall we get started? Please submit your request.”
Ugh. I'm tired, and I’m thirsty.
“Wait. Before we begin, could I trouble you for another cup of tea? I sort of, heh, lost the previous cup.”
Mike started, “Of course. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking... Give me a moment.” He stood up, taking away the two mugs that now contained cold tea. Next, he emptied them into the kitchen sink and placed the dirty mugs into a curious cabinet under the counter.
That’s a strange location for the dirty cups. Wouldn't it be better to rinse them and leave them in the sink? Though I suppose they will need to be washed soon.
“Is there a special reason why are you storing the dirty cups down there?”
“I was just putting them in the dishwasher,” said Mike as he turned on the kettle. As she watched, he also did something to a second device which lit itself up with several glowing lights.
He must have recognized her puzzled expression because he began to explain further. “A dishwasher is a machine for cleaning the dishes. It's pretty much a standard appliance in most homes nowadays.”
“At home," Twilight replied. "I usually ask Spike to clean the dishes. Believe me; it’s a manual process involving soap and water and lots of knee and fetlock grease. We don't have any magic for cleaning our dishes. How can your machine possibly do it?”
“I'm not too sure, but I believe it simply sprays high-pressure jets of hot water at the dishes. After about an hour of such action, the food particles have been either blasted off or dissolved away by the chemicals in the detergent.”
“I see. Spike would love one of those; he hates getting his claws soaked. He says his scales start to swell and warp.”
“Spike has scales? What kind of pony has scales?”
“Well, Spike's not a pony. He's a dragon and my number one assistant. But actually, he's sort of like my little brother. When I was a little filly, I hatched him from his egg. With Princess Celestia's help, I've been looking after him ever since.”
Twilight saw a ridiculous expression appear on Mike's face. What's up with that look?
“Is something wrong? Do you have a problem with Spike being a dragon?”
“No, just ignore me, it's nothing really.”
“Please tell me; we shouldn't allow any more surprises to creep up on us.”
“Well... It's kind of silly," Mike began. "Just a stupid thought. But, when you said that you hatched Spike from his egg, I kind of had a mental picture of you sitting on a huge egg. You’re not by any chance, oviparous, are you? I mean, you do have wings...”
Twilight felt her jaw drop momentarily before she succumbed to a fit of giggles.
“Hee hee... Your right, that is ridiculous.” More giggles ensued as she imagined herself, a little filly, perched upon spikes egg. “And no, I'm not oviparous either. Hee...”
Twilight soon recovered her composure and began explaining. “Hatching that dragon's egg was part of my entrance exam for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. I hatched him with my magic.”
“Really? They use dragon eggs as the subjects of a magical entrance exam?”
“Well, yes. And I'm very glad I got to know Spike that day. You should have seen him sucking on his tail. He was so cute!”
Mike, however, did not smile. “Twilight, I am concerned. My ethical senses are tingling. As a duly self-appointed Ethical Approval Authority I have to question the propriety of subjecting a sapient being, in his prenatal state, to random and potentially harmful magics. Why was the dragon egg not in the proper care of his mother?”
His ethical senses? Tingling? He almost makes sense, but he doesn't make any sense. And is he accusing me of something?
“I didn't hurt Spike. He came to no harm. And as for his mother..." Twilight paused for a moment. "As near as we can tell Spike’s egg was orphaned.”
“I'm glad you didn't harm him, but you could have. Where you so sure your magic would work flawlessly?”
No, I didn’t know the first thing about hatching a dragon's egg. And then there was that uncontrollable magic surge... Twilight’s thoughts suddenly came to a dramatic halt.
Oh, Spike; I'm so sorry! I didn't realize that I put you at risk. Twilight suddenly found herself crying silent tears.
“And then there were other potential candidates for the entrance exam," Mike continued. “How might they have affected Spike?” He paused, his voice taking on a gentler tone. “I'm not blaming you Twilight. You said you were a little filly when you hatched Spike, correct?” She nodded.
“Then the blame should be on the school and those examiners who treated another sapient, and a minor, so callously.”
He's right. I must confront those examiners as soon as... as... I have no idea who they were.
“Um, Mike?”
“Yeah.” Suddenly the kettle clicked. “Go on; I'm listening,” Mike said as he turned away from her and busied himself with pouring a new cup of tea.
“It suddenly occurred to me that I never saw those four examiners again. I mean, over the next three years, I got to know all the professors and lecturers at CSGU, but I never met any of those examiners ever again. I have to wonder if Princess Celestia hasn't already dealt with them.”
“I never even suspected...” She added in a low murmur.
What they did was horrible; I realize that now. But why did Princess Celestia never tell me? Was it to protect me? Or perhaps she was protecting Spike.
Twilight's line of introspection was broken when Mike placed a saucer holding a mug of tea, and a spoon, in front of Twilight. He returned to the kitchen counter.
Oh good, he gave me a spoon. That will make removing the tea bag much easier. Keeping an eye on her steeping tea, she observed that Mike was again busy with something.
“What are you doing now?”
“I’m just making myself a cup of coffee. It should be ready in a minute.”
- beep, buzz –
Another set of strange noises assailed Twilight's ears.
That’s another machine, no doubt. But, what's cough-ee?. Is Mike feeling ill?
“Are feeling Okay Mike? You're not getting sick are you?”
“No, I'm fine," he replied. "Why do you ask?” he said, turning around to face her.
“You said something about a cough.”
At that moment the noises from the machine stopped, prompting Mike to turn back towards it. When he turned around again, he was holding a steaming mug.
“Coffee. It's the name of this drink I’m holding.” Mike lifted up his mug for emphasis. Then he added, almost as an afterthought, “By the way, your Tea is starting to get dark.”
“Ahh!” Twilight frantically fished the teabag out with her spoon. Having narrowly averted disaster, she took a cautious sip. Her face beamed a radiant expression of satisfaction, after which she added two teaspoons of sugar.
“Somebody's enjoying their tea,” Mike noted with some amusement.”
Twilight glanced at Mike but did not reply. Of course I am, and I’m not going to let you bother me. Tea had always had its own magic for Twilight; her earlier agitation about Spike's treatment and Celestia's secrets was mellowing away.
Mike removed a box from the refrigerator and poured something white into his mug.
“Twilight, did you ever see any other students of that CS place in the company of young or recently hatched dragons?” Mike returned the box of white stuff to his refrigerator.
“No. Come to think of it, there were no other dragons. Spike was the only one. And it’s called CSGU which stands for Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.” She couldn’t help but correct Mike.
Returning to his seat at the table, Mike took a sip of his drink. “Is hatching dragons' eggs an easy task to accomplish?”
“Certainly not, I would have failed that test if I hadn't been startled into emitting an enormous magical surge. From what I know now, even a unicorn mage might find it challenging.”
“I could be wrong, Twilight. I certainly have no knowledge of your society, but if that had happened here on Earth, among humans, then I would have to suspect that you were deliberately set up with a test you could not pass. Have you ever considered the possibility that you were supposed to fail that test?”
What!? But why? Mike's right, of course, I don't think any other unicorn was ever asked to hatch a dragon's egg. But that part about them setting me up to fail? I will need to investigate that. That is if I can ever escape this story... Twilight's musings were interrupted when Mike sat down across from her at the table, allowing her to catch a whiff of his drink.
Ohh! What is that stuff he's drinking? Her muzzle lifted and her nostril's quivered for a moment. It smells like; I don't know what, but I have to know.
She narrowed her eyelids and stared Mike in the eyes “I want to know what that is you’re drinking. It’s not something related to meat is it?”
“No, it's not anything like that. It's coffee, made from beans. Actually, it's not a bean, it's a seed. We just call it that because it kind of looks like a bean. It's full of flavor and quite strong, bitter even, so I usually add some Cream to moderate the taste. Uh, Cream is okay, isn't it?”
Right, the coff-ee he told me about earlier, I must have forgotten. And Cream.
Twilight relaxed her gaze. “Yes, Cream is good.” She gave a tentative sniff in the direction of his cup, “It smells... strangely enticing. Would you let me try a cup? Not right now, of course, I still have this tea.”
“You can try some tomorrow morning. Besides I would not recommend drinking it at night.”
“But─ you’re drinking it,” Twilight replied.
“That's because I know the effect that it has on me. It’s not so late yet, and I want the extra alertness when we go out soon. Coffee is a natural stimulant. I expect to suffer some consequences later tonight.”
“Why? What does it do?” She asked, slightly alarmed.
“Nothing too bad. Coffee just has a tendency to keep people awake. I might find it difficult to fall asleep.”
Oh, well then I definitely need to try some. Maybe it can help when I stay up late doing my projects and assignments. But Celestia doesn't give me study assignments anymore. I miss those... Twilights thoughts began to take a melancholy turn.
A brief silence ensued as Twilight's thoughts dwelt on happier days. Suddenly, it was broken as Mike returned to the business they had been discussing earlier.
“Well, we both have our drinks now. So let’s get back to determining if you can ethically use your magic. Twilight, your proposal please.”
What? Oh. Yes. Twilight frowned, trying to remember the last time she had submitted such a request.
“Well, Mister Approver sir, I would like to make use of the Clover-Marehammer third order horaómorphic glamor, to disguise my appearance amongst other humans.”
“Clover Mark ham... third order... hoary morph...," Mike struggled with the unfamiliar words. "That's quite a mouthful. Could you please describe what this spell does?”
“Clover the Clever, a famous mage, and Mare Hammer, a famous spy, collaborated to create a series of horaómorphic spells.”
“A horaómorphic spell manipulates the target's perception of their senses. The spell implants an animus into their mind that causes them to perceive an object as something else, for example, it could cause them to perceive an apple as an orange.”
“So, if you put an apple in front of me, I would see an orange?”
“In the broadest sense, yes, you are correct. But you're missing the important part, your eyes and brain will always see the apple; the apple has not changed; your brain has not been altered, it's your mind that perceives the orange.”
“I am still unclear on this. Brain, mind, it's the same isn't it?”
“Your body is separate and distinct from your mind. This spell only affects the mind's perception. Not the body’s perception.”
“Suppose I was asked to think of an apple. Would my mind end up thinking of an orange?”
“No, the spell's animus only affects your mind at the stage where the experience is initially perceived. Previous experiences of apples have become an integral part of your memory and won't be altered.”
“Okay, I think I got it now. What about that third order part of the spell?”
“A first-order spell is cast directly upon the subject and would make the subject generically see apples as oranges. A second order spell is cast upon the specific object and causes anypony who looks at that object to perceive it as directed by the spell’s animus.
“A third-order spell starts with either a first or a second order spell. But the animus is enhanced, providing exact details for what is to be perceived. For example, you would perceive a specific orange with readily identifiable attributes or markings distinguishing it from all other oranges.”
Twilight took another sip from her tea and looked expectantly at Mike.
Mike had been sitting quietly, apparently thinking. Suddenly he shifted, becoming aware that Twilight was waiting for his response. He cleared his throat.
“Okay, Twilight, on the first issue, concerning the subject's volition, I don't see this magic as having any direct effect upon it; though the magic could be used to influence the subject’s decisions by carefully shaping their perceived environment.
“What really matters here are the specific details of what the subject perceives. Do the alterations to their perceptions lead the subjects to make choices they otherwise would not make? Choices that are detrimental to themselves.”
“It shouldn't. The magic’s animus will simply cause the subjects to see me as a human mare.”
“The word you should use is ‘woman,'” Mike corrected with a smile. “Not ‘mare.' Or if they are young, the word ‘girl’ would also be suitable.”
Hmm. Ponies also sometimes use ‘girl’.
“Thanks. The woman they perceive, will move and act in a manner consistent with the local environment and my own activities. When I walk, they will see the woman walk. When I eat, they will see the woman eat, as humans eat. The subject's mind will supply the necessary details.”
“That should be interesting. Will they perceive the human you as being enhanced in any way? I have to ask because conspicuous or exaggerated body attributes could bring unnecessary attention.”
He doesn't mean what I think he means. Does he? Twilight blushed. I'm not vain about my human form. I wouldn’t enhance it like that. But that doesn't mean that it isn't enhanced already.
“I– I really don't know, Mike, all I have is a memory of what I would look like as a human.” After the briefest of pauses, she added “It's from some research that I did earlier. Would you like to see-”
“Hold it!” Mike interrupted, gesturing at her with a strange motion; he was holding his hand up, its flat side presented towards her face.
“Let’s complete the rest of the ethical review before you try using any of that magic. If we can satisfy ourselves about the other two issues, we'll come back, and evaluate your appearance.”
“That sounds reasonable,” she conceded.”
Mike paused, assuming a more serious mien. “Now, concerning the issue of damages; the potential for causing damage is very high. This magic can easily manipulate subjects into performing actions that are injurious, even deadly, to themselves and others. That might happen if they were unable able to perceive something that was dangerous.
“But, such dangers would only manifest as the result of malicious designs on your part. From your statement, I believe it's safe to assume your intentions are benign, and not formulated with any purpose of manipulating the subject.”
Mike paused, staring intently at Twilight. He had a serious look upon his face. “You're not an evil pony, are you?”
“What!” Twilight expostulated, “Of course not! I'm...” she fell silent as she saw a smirk form on Mike's face and realized that he had been tweaking her. She glared back.
Oooh, he got me. I'll have to think of some way to get back at him.
Mike resumed his analysis. “The final issue concerns the moral corruption of the magic user. As with the second issue, the risks are commensurate with the magic user's intentions. Here I see some danger to the magic user of their ego becoming inflated. Even if their intent was to benefit the subject.”
“Benefiting the subject is harmful to the magic user?”
“If successfully manipulating the subject feeds your ego with a measure of satisfaction. Then yes. The pursuit of such satisfaction could lead to continued manipulations.”
I can see that. It’s a little like what happened to Rainbow Dash. She did a good deed, and her ego became a monster. Mare Do Well had to do some pretty serious intervention to save Rainbow from herself. We were all so glad when she returned to her senses.
“I understand. Something like that happened to one of my friends; she rescued somepony and got a swelled ego.”
“I'm glad you understand. The only safe way to use this magic is to keep all manipulation neutral. Ideally, the subject's actions remain unchanged.”
“Now, you stated that the purpose of this magic is to conceal your true appearance, something which should not be the concern of humans other than myself. And you have no other objective, such as manipulating or benefiting other persons. Therefore, I deem this to be a neutral use of magic.”
Mike grinned. “So Twilight, you are granted provisional approval to use the Clever Mark third... uh, whatever. All that remains now is to show me how you will look before I can grant final approval.”
Twilight closed her eyes, gathering her concentration. Mentally, she went through her checklist.
Let’s see, the Clover-Marehammer horaómorphic glamour–; got it. The counterspell is–; just my normal dispersal magic will do. Second order–; to be cast upon a body which is myself. Third order–; set up a matrix to impart specific details to the animus and finally, I use my memory of what I looked like in the Mirror World.
Her horn, which had been glowing for the past few seconds, flashed brilliantly.
----------------
Twilight opened her eyes to find Mike staring at her; his jaw had dropped open.
Heh. This is just another 'one of those things' Mike. A smile appeared on her face.
Twilight levitated her mug and took another sip of her tea. She grimaced; it was getting cold and had lost its appeal. “So, how do I look?”
Mike shook himself as if waking up from a trance.
“Absolutely amazing! You appear so real and lifelike. Twilight, what I see is a young girl, who is still recognizably you. I just saw you pick up your mug with your right hand. Am I mistaken, did you actually transform into a girl?”
“No, I'm quite unchanged. I’m still an alicorn.”
“Unbelievable! So lifelike. I can't tell that it's not real, and I know it's not!”
Mike rose from his seat but continued to stare at Twilight. He walked around her to observe her from all sides. “Hmm...”
“Do you see anything wrong?” she asked. Her head turned, tracking Mike as he walked around her.
“A few things,” he replied. “The most noticeable is that you have a lavender skin tone.”
“What’s wrong with my color?”
“It’s not normal. No human has lavender skin. Could you change the image, make the skin color more like mine?”
I could, but I think I’ll let him make the changes. As Twilight called upon her magic, her horn flashed, and then maintained a steady glow.
“Actually, you can make the changes yourself.”
“What? How am I supposed to do that?”
“I'm holding open the spell matrix for the perception animus, if you concentrate on what you desire, the animus' parameters will modify themselves accordingly, changing what you see.”
“So if I imagine that you have a normal skin color- woah! Now that's impressive.”
Twilight sat there quietly, holding the spell matrix open, while Mike paced around her like a hungry Manticore.
“Skin tone is good...”
It was fine already, Mike; I can't imagine why anypony would have cared what color I was.
“But the eyes are too large for a human, make them smaller... a bit more... hmmm, just a tiny shade larger, perfect!”
Well, I knew Mike had smaller eyes, but what's wrong with mine? Nopony mentioned them while I was in the mirror world.
“I see that your hair still has the same color stripes as those in your mane-”
What! Don't tell me he's going to do away with my personal mane colors! She bristled inside, preparing for an argument.
“You know what? I like those stripes. Let's leave them there. And I like your hairstyle too, very pretty-”
Mike's comment disarmed Twilight's growing indignation. “You mean that?” She asked.
“Oh yes, and even as a pony I find your mane to be very pretty.”
Twilight felt confused yet strangely elated. She rarely got compliments about her appearance. Even Rarity was more likely to suggest changing her look than to offer her compliments.
She quelled her unsettled feelings by acknowledging Mike's compliment. “Thank you.”
“Next thing we need to change is your age. Right now you look like an adolescent of about fifteen years of age. Are you really that young?”
“No, I'm ac-” she started to reply, but Mike cut her off.
“Nothing wrong with that, but if we are to be seen together in social settings it might be better that you appear to be older... Say about twenty... Nope, still too young. Let’s try twenty-eight... Umm, no... Somehow that age doesn't suit you, let's go back to twenty...two. There, that looks about right.
“You know Twilight; these adjustments are simply fantastic. How do you make them so quickly and accurately?”
“I'm not. You are the one making the changes Mike. Your mind is supplying the necessary details.”
“It's incredible. It’s like I have facial composition software in my head. Only it works in living Three-Dee.” Mike added a strange emphasis to his last few words.
He's really getting too excited about this. Twilight thought wryly. And what's facial composition software?
“Mike! Are you getting a swelled ego through your power over my appearance? Maybe I should end this right now.”
“Wait! Sorry Twilight, maybe I have been enjoying this a little too much. But, before you end this session, there are still some important things I must correct.”
“And what would those be?” she asked suspiciously.
“The problem is your clothing. You, your image I mean, needs to dress appropriately for our winter weather. Otherwise, you will draw attention.”
“Okay, that makes sense.”
“Alright, now what does a pretty twenty-two-year-old woman wear in the winter...
“Okay, first, lose those tacky leg warmers... Now change that poufy dress for some jeans... Purple!? Why are the jeans purple? You know what? It works; we'll leave the color alone, but change that thin blouse for a pink sweater. Ugh, Cashmere, a little less fuzz please...”
I think I've created a monster. Twilight mused. He's as bad as Rarity! She sighed, resigned to her fate as a magical ponyquin.
But no more changes came. Mike just stood there staring critically at Twilight, or rather, at her human image.
“Twilight, your human image looks good for indoor locations. But when going outside, it's necessary to wear additional clothing such as boots and a coat. Can the spell manage that?”
“You can make the perceived image as detailed as you want," she replied. "I thought you understood that.”
“You misunderstand. Your human image will need to don and doff a coat according to the ambient temperature. Not wearing a coat when outside in freezing weather will draw attention, as would be continuing to wear a coat while inside a warm building.”
Twilight considered the problem. I could make two distinct glamors; one with a coat and one without. But no, that would expose me during the switchover. Could I wear a coat? No, my true appearance, wearing a coat or not, is obscured by the glamor. Oh. I know!
“I can cast the glamor of a coat onto some simple object that I wear. The image of the coat will follow that object, whether being worn or laid aside. Do you have a necklace or anything like that?”
After brief consideration, Mike replied, “I think I do, wait right here.” Mike left the room. Twilight could hear his hoofsteps as he went downstairs to the basement. It was but another moment before he returned carrying a thin strap having a rectangular black stick dangling from it.
Is that some kind of necklace? If it is, it’s rather ugly.
“Here you go; this data-stick came with a neck strap. You can use this. I don't need it.”
“Data-stick?” Twilight asked as she levitated it out of his hand. As it settled over her neck, she was surprised at how light and comfortable the necklace felt. Oh, I see. It's not jewelry. It’s a textile strap designed for utility and comfort rather than providing visual appeal.
“The name refers to that black object dangling from your neck," Mike answered. "It's a generic term referring to a certain class of data storage devices we use with our computers. I'll tell you all about data-sticks and computers later, probably tomorrow. That's simply too enormous a subject to go into right now."
There he goes again, always deferring his explanations.
“Are you done with the changes to my human image, Mike? I need to close up the first control matrix before I create a new one.”
“One second... there! I just gave your human self some stylish calf length boots, suitable for outdoor excursions and for wearing indoors at a restaurant. Okay, you can close the matrix now.”
Twilight did so and proceeded to apply a third order horaómorphic glamor to the ugly necklace, setting it up with the image of her lab coat, that being the only coat she could think of at the moment.
“Uh, Twilight? Whatever are you wearing? It looks terrible.”
Twilight turned her head and glanced at her body, seeing it covered by her lab coat. I wonder why Mike thinks something’s wrong with it.
“I’m just wearing my lab coat, Mike. It looks fine to me, but if you don’t like it, you can change it to something else.”
“Your lab coat?” He asked incredulously. Then a look of comprehension took over his features. “You mean your pony lab coat.”
Suddenly Twilight realized she had made a mistake. She had given the lab coat’s glamor specific parameters as to its size and appearance. Those were conflicting with the requirements of her human glamor. She sighed internally.
“The control matrix is open.” She offered, hoping to change the subject. “You can change the coat at any time.”
“One stylish peacoat coming up.” Mike declared with a smile.
Suddenly Twilight was engulfed by volumes of heavy looking fabric. Hastily, she adjusted the spell matrix to exclude herself from its effects. If a human wearing pony clothing looks bad, She thought. Then a pony wearing human clothing is equally as ridiculous.
Mike, however, still wasn’t done. “Hmm, let's fix that color. Aaand Voila!” Mike made a peculiar gesture, bringing his bunched fingers up to pursed lips. “C'est Magnifique!”
He is! He is like Rarity! She couldn't help but smile at that reminder of her friend.
“Say Twilight?”
“Yes. What is it?”
“Can you make it so that I'm excluded from the effects of these two glamours?”
“Easily. May I ask why?”
“Well, I've kind of gotten used to your true appearance. And I would prefer to get to know the real you, rather than some illusion. Even if, no, especially since I had a hand in creating that illusion.”
He wants to get to know the real me? Twilight thought in wonder. She smiled at him. “Why thank you, Mike. That's the nicest thing anypony has said to me all day long.”
----------------
Mike had re-donned his coat and was putting on some boots. “Come on Twilight. Let’s get going; I'm starving.”
Upon the mention of food, or rather, the lack thereof, Twilight's stomach gave agreement in the form of a loud rumble.
Give me a break! She thought. It's like some kind of Plevlovian behavioral response.
Twilight followed Mike out the door. Upon exiting the house, the first thing she noticed was how dark it had become. Full night had fallen.
But it's only about 5 o'clock, she thought.
The second thing she noticed was the temperature. It had gotten considerably colder than it had been just a few hours ago.
Mike approached his carriage and walked around to the opposite side, opening the door. “I hope you can climb up and sit comfortably on this seat, Twilight.”
She looked dubiously at the opening, “I guess we won't know until I try.”
Twilight placed her forehooves firmly upon the seat. she kicked off with her hind legs and hopped in, managing a clean entry, standing upon the seat with all four legs. She sat down carefully.
“Those seats were engineered for humans, how are they for you?” Mike asked.
“A little tight,” she replied honestly. “My tail is bent, and my forehooves are too close to the front edge of the seat. They could slip off if the ride got bumpy.”
“Is it possible for you to lean back in the seat; like a human would?”
Twilight recalled her experiences in the mirror world. “I think so. Let me try that.”
Twilight tried leaning back but quickly dropped forwards again as the pressure on her tail mounted.
I don't like tucking my tail between my legs and sitting on it, but I think it’s the only way this might work.
With her tail between her legs, she tried leaning back again. This time she was successful.
“Is this necessary Mike? It’s not too bad, but I wouldn’t call this comfortable.”
“It’s necessary because you should wear a seatbelt. It's the law. Having said that, is there anything I can do to improve your comfort?”
“The worst part is how the seat forces me to lean so far back. It puts added pressure on my tail.”
“Here, let me try adjusting the seat’s back.” Mike reached over and touched a control on the side of the seat's lower portion. Suddenly Twilight found herself tilting forward as the back of the seat was raised.
“Stop! That's a little too far. Can you go back a little... right there! Thanks, Mike. That's much more comfortable.”
“Okay, Twilight, I'm going to show you how to buckle yourself in.
“This,” Mike pointed at a broad strap with an embedded metal tang, located to her right and somewhat behind her, “is your seatbelt. To use it, simply pull it forward in a smooth continuous motion, like so...” Mike demonstrated pulling out a great length of the seat belt.
“Next you take the tongue,” Mike was holding the metal tang, “and insert it into the buckle.” Mike swiftly inserted the tongue into a strange protruding stalk located at Twilight's left side. Twilight heard a distinct 'click' as it went in. As Mike let go of the belt, it snugged up against Twilight's body, startling her.
Mike continued, “To release the belt, simply depress this button located on the buckle.” Mike proceeded to do so; pressing a prominent orange colored button. The seat belt was suddenly whipped away. She heard the metal tongue clatter as it struck the side of the carriage. For some reason, this caused Mike to wince as if he were in pain.
“Now you try it. Just–, when you do, try to keep the seat belt from retracting so violently.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Twilight protested.
“I know.” He replied. I’m just asking you to do better than me.” Strangely, Mike’s reply pleased Twilight. She had always been a pony who owned up to her actions, and it seemed that Mike did too.
She turned her attention to the seat belt. This seems simple enough. An assumption Twilight proved by buckling and unbuckling herself several times.
Observing her exercises, Mike chuckled, “You know, when I bought the truck earlier this year, I never would have imagined that one day a magical alien pony would be sitting in my front passenger’s seat.”
Twilight simply looked back at him. What could she say? She was indeed sitting in his truck.
Apparently finished with his self-amusement, Mike called out, “Watch yourself, I'm closing the door.” After doing so, Mike came around the carriage and climbed into the seat adjacent to Twilight's.
Twilight observed Mike's actions carefully, as he held up a ring of keys. One key, in particular, was larger than the rest. It fit into a lock mounted on the side of a strange 'mushroom' growing out of the panel in front of him.
A twist of the key and the carriage started to produce a muted roar, even as she felt a faint vibration through her seat. Light bloomed in front of the carriage, illuminating the garage almost as brightly as daylight.
Ooo. This is so exciting. Twilight gave a silent 'sqee'. A whole new technology. I can't wait to find out the particulars on how it works. I've got to ask Mike for a quill and some paper. Yes, lots of paper.
At first, Twilight found their motion confusing. The carriage started moving back, turning sharply to the right as it did so. Before she could ask Mike what was happening, the carriage stopped, Mike moved a large lever that was growing out of the side of the 'mushroom,' and the carriage began moving forwards, only now it was turning sharply to the left.
Oh, he was simply getting the carriage turned around. But no, it’s not a carriage, Mike said it was like a carriage, but he called it a─ 'Truck.', That's it. It's called a truck.
They moved forwards slowly, approaching a large gap in a line of trees. Just after passing the trees the truck stopped.
“Why are we stopping?”
“Just making sure there's no oncoming traffic before moving onto the road.” With a roar, the truck turned to the right and started moving again, much faster now.
Twilight could not see anything of the landscape outside the darkened cab. However, the road stretching in front of the truck was lit up in brilliant detail for a considerable distance.
“Is it okay if I ask you a few questions, Mike?”
“Ask away. I imagine you have quite a few by now.”
“Oh, I most certainly do," Twilight affirmed, almost gleefully. "But let’s start with this truck. What is its motive power?”
“It has an eight-cylinder Internal Combustion Engine.”
“Internal Combustion Engine?”
“You know, expanding gasses push against a piston, which turns a crank, which provides the rotary motion.”
“Oh. That sounds like our steam engines. We use them to power our trains.”
“Ha, Ha, Twilight. I'm pretty sure your spaceship runs on something better than steam power. You can't tell me you got to Earth with that level of technology.”
“What's wrong with our technology? It might not be as advanced as your generators, and trucks and toasters but I'll have you know that we are quite proud of our railroads and trains.”
Mike seemed shocked. “But you came here in a spaceship. That's so much more advanced than a steam locomotive.”
“What's this spaceship thing you keep talking about?”
“Twilight! You’re an alien, not from this world. It's obvious that you come from another world, from some far-off star system. You must have come in a spaceship of some kind. Or maybe you prefer to call it a starship?”
“I know quite a lot about the stars and other heavenly objects. I love to study the night sky and have spent many a night at my telescope doing observations. But I am quite unfamiliar with these things you call star systems and starships. What do the stars have to do with it? My question was about that Internal Combustion Engine?”
Instead of answering, Mike abruptly slowed the truck and brought it to a stop at the side of the road.
“What wrong? Why are we stopping?”
“Because I think we are about to have a huge – revelatory discussion. I don't want to drive while being heavily distracted. It's not safe.”
“That's the only thing you've said recently that makes any sense.”
“Twilight. Your question, 'What do the stars have to do with it' totally staggers me. Either you're putting on a massive act...”
“I'm doing nothing of the sort!”
“Or there's a massive disconnect between our two worldviews.”
“I still don't understand. You still haven't answered my question.”
“Forget the engine for a moment. Twilight, It's about cosmology and our understanding of the universe. Let me begin with something simple. First off, the Sun is a star. And all the other stars in the night sky are suns in their own right.”
“That's not right, Princess Luna makes the stars in the night sky.”
Mike sighed. “Please, don't bring up mythological references. I'm trying to present scientific facts here.”
“Princess Luna is not mythological.” Twilight replied sharply. “She is the Princess of the Night. She raises and lowers the moon and the stars. I've personally stood by her side and watched her change the constellations.
“And Princess Celestia raises and lowers the sun. The sun is not a star.”
“That's ridiculous," Mike retorted, "nobody moves the sun! The world rotates on its axis, thereby giving the illusion that the sun revolves around it.”
No, that's ridiculous, Twilight thought. Everypony knows the world is much bigger than the sun.
“Celestia does too move the Sun. When she was abducted recently, the sun stopped moving through the sky. I ought to know; I was there. I was even instrumental in finding and rescuing her. According to various clocks, several days passed before the sun, moon, and stars were moving on schedule again.”
Mike sighed and dropped his head onto the 'mushroom.' Several long moments passed before he raised it again.
“Twilight. You say you have personally witnessed such things. I'm not going to dispute you. But believe me, when I say that is not how things work here. Of this, I am certain. We have so much scientific evidence that what I told you about our sun and stars is considered irrefutable fact.
“I─ I'm starting to think you come from another universe. One that is wholly different, having physical laws that radically diverge from our own.”
Yes, I know. This is just a fictional universe, accidentally created by a misfire of that literary spell. I suppose anything can be 'true' here.
Twilight hung her head, saddened by the turn the conversation had taken. “I know Mike. I've known from the beginning that I'm not in my own universe. But until we had this conversation, I had no idea just how different it was from my own.”
Mike was resting his head on the mushroom again. Eventually, Twilight became worried for his mental state and broke the silence.
“Mike? Now that we have established that we are from different universes, perhaps you could tell me something about yours? You were telling me something about the stars, and– and spaceships.”
Several more moments passed until Mike sat up abruptly, and set the trunk in motion again.
“Well, I think 'the big shock' is over, maybe I can manage to drive while I explain some things.”
“I'm glad you’re okay Mike. I'll try not to distract you from your driving.”
“No need to restrain yourself Twilight. Now that I know how different our perspectives are, I won't be so distracted by the very nature of your questions.”
The truck came to a stop again. Apparently, the road they were on was crossing another road. She thought Mike was checking for oncoming vehicles again. The truck turned left, onto the new road. Soon it had accelerated to quite an impressive speed, possibly twice as fast as an Earth Pony at full gallop.
Mike spoke up again. “As I said earlier, the sun is a star. There are several planets including this Earth which orbit the sun-”
“Planets? Orbits?”
“Planets are heavenly bodies, large rocks basically, which revolve around the sun. The Earth is an example of a planet. An Orbit is just a technical word. It refers to the path a planet takes as it revolves around the sun.
“As I was saying, the stars are suns in their own right. And they, in turn, have their own planets.”
“So you're saying that each star could have worlds just like this earth?”
“Well, not every star. Every star may well have planets, but our current theories would have the formation of an Earth-like planet to be a rare occurrence.”
“Why would they be rare?”
“Well for one thing-” Twilight noticed that Mike's voice sounded much more relaxed now. Apparently, he enjoyed expositing on his cosmology.
“-the planet's orbit has to lie within a certain distance from its sun. Too close and the planet boils from the heat. Too far away and the planet is cold and frozen.
“A second factor is the size of the planet. Too small and it has insufficient gravity to retain a breathable atmosphere. Too large and the greater gravity would retain a thick, dense atmosphere so heavy that it would cause the world to overheat.”
“So the earth is of an ideal size and in the ideal location?”
“Actually, the earth is too large to be habitable. There is a neighboring planet, Venus, which is only slightly smaller than earth. But Venus has a thick heavy atmosphere that holds in the heat all too well. Its surface temperature is hot enough to melt lead. The current theory is that the moon, which orbits the earth, has helped to strip off most of that thick heavy atmosphere, making the Earth habitable. Venus has no moon, and remains inhospitable to life.”
This may be a fictional universe. But I bet Luna would love to hear that story.
Twilight, following along with great interest, spoke up. “So you have three factors, distance from the sun, the size of the world and the presence of a moon as contributing factors determining its habitability. I shouldn't wonder that Earth-like planets may be rare.”
“That's right. And though they are rare, when you consider how many stars there are, it is reasonable to assume there a good number of them out there. Twilight, ever since I first met you, my assumption was that you had come from such a world.”
Mike gave her a huge grin. “You know, we humans have written a great deal of speculative fiction about exploring those worlds among the stars, about coming in contact with beings from those other worlds.”
“Fiction? You mean you have not traveled to those worlds? You don't know if other worlds even exist?”
“Oh, we do know they exist. Our telescopes have been able to detect thousands of planets orbiting those stars. Sadly, our telescopes only have the sensitivity to detect the larger planets, ones which are much larger than our own Earth.”
“But you haven’t traveled to them.”
“Well, humans have traveled to the moon. It was a huge undertaking, and the whole world celebrated that achievement. But we have not traveled any further. The distances are too extreme.”
Well, Luna has been to her own moon, so I don't think that achievement is quite so extraordinary.
“What kind of distances are you talking about?”
“I believe the closest star is Proxima Centauri; it’s about four light-years distant.”
“Light years? I've never before heard of that measure.”
“A light-year is the distance light travels in a year.”
Wait. Light? Light has a speed of approximately186,000 miles per second! And a whole year? Twilight did a quick calculation. That distance is insane!
“Impossible! That's 5.7 million-million miles. Nothing is that far distant. It vastly exceeds the size of the universe as we know it.”
“Maybe your universe. But our universe has an observable radius of about thirteen billion of those light years.”
Twilight immediately worked out the distance in miles. She felt her thought's sputtering as she tried, and failed to comprehend the resulting number.
“Don't bother trying to convert it into miles. Even a single light-year is too vast a distance to comprehend. Just accept it as being the appropriate unit of measure when discussing stellar distances.”
“Are you reading my mind now?”
“No, of course not. But it’s a common fallacy for people to attempt to convert an unfamiliar measure into something they are comfortable with. I'm just giving you some helpful advice.
“Twilight, for the sake of argument, or rather for the sake of our not arguing, I provisionally accept that your universe is as you say it is. Can you accept that mine is as I have said?”
Well sure. This is, after all, a fictional universe. But why does it have such attributes? Why does it have such an inconceivable size? On the surface, everything else I have seen today appears normal. I need to solve this mystery.
“Fine, I'll suspend my disbelief for now. But I want to see that scientific evidence you mentioned earlier. And you know, you still have not answered a single question!”
Mike sighed. “Right, your question. Well, I had assumed you came from a planet circling some distant star, and knowing the distances involved, I further assumed that you had arrived in a ship, a spaceship, or starship, which was capable of conveying you over those vast distances.
“Such a starship would represent energies and technologies far exceeding our current capabilities. I was flabbergasted when you proudly claimed steam power as your technology.”
“Oh. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it is.”
Twilight suddenly realized that they had been passing by numerous buildings for a while, each with lights glowing or signs illuminated. She stopped talking in order to observe as much as she could about human habitations.
Suddenly Mike was slowing the truck but did not bring it to a stop. Instead, they turned off the road and entered an open area before a building. There appeared to be four other carriages stopped in this area. She noted with interest that Mike drove his truck up into a gap between two of the other carriages.
“Sorry to interrupt Twilight, but we're here. Everybody out.” Mike announced.
Immediately, Twilight released her seat belt, but the door defeated her. She was about to call out to Mike for assistance but caught sight of him pulling on a square looking ring embedded in the side of his door. His door promptly popped open.
Oh, so that’s how. Do I have one of those rings on my side? Yes, I do. Using her magic, she found it quite easy to open her own door. Hmm, that lever is certainly not pony friendly. It's difficult to grab with a hoof and impossible for one’s mouth. Only a unicorn would be comfortable with it.
Clambering out, she found herself standing between Mike’s truck and another carriage. She saw a large illuminated sign emplaced upon the building in front of them. Large green cursive letters shone out into the night, illuminating a considerable area. To her eyes, the sign's cursive letter styling distorted the message to the point of being almost illegible. After a moment's study, she came to the conclusion that it read 'Sinful Salads'.
Finally, I might get something to eat. Her stomach agreed with a loud grumble.
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
735 users online
750,526 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
When will Twilight learn that our world is not fictional?
When she does, I bet a million thoughts are going to run though her head
Footnotes are not recommended in prose, as the writing should make sense without it. In "Rarity Takes Manehattan," Suri orders Coco to get her some coffee. I understand "Plevlov" is probably a combination of "Plevan" and "Pavlov," but it still sounds a bit weird. Diacritical marks are very rare in English, and "morph" as a suffix has nothing to do with change and just means "shape" or "form." If you want to play with Greek roots, go with "metaesthetic."
"Starship" is one word.
"Three-Dee" is unacceptable and a weird choice when you'd just used numerals to describe age, which shouldn't have been done either. As a rule of thumb, spell out numbers if they're three words or less. Don't forget your hyphens if they're adjectives. Twenty-two years, not twenty two years. "3D" is an initialism, which are abbreviations where each letter is pronounced individually, like CIA or FBI, as compared to acronyms like SCUBA, LASER, or AIDS.
Hyphens should not be used for interruptions. Use an em dash(Alt+0151) or an en dash(Alt+0150) if the em dash is too wide for your tastes. The en dash would be technically incorrect, as it's supposed to be used to connect two points in time(1950s–1970s) but people are really lenient on that one. Also, when a sentence ends in a dash, the normal punctuation is not included.
Do not use periods with dialogue tags. Use a comma.
Sighed is an action tag, and a period would be used instead of a comma.
5118049
Again I thank you for your patience.
Thanks for that reference to coffee. I really appreciate it. Though I think I am going to stick with my headcanon, that coffee is relatively unknown. I mean, it was never even mentioned until season four?
I have cleaned up spellings for starship and spaceship. And also the awkward use of numbers in the text (e.g.: twenty-two instead of 22, etc.)
And my use of 'Three-Dee' in a sentence. I was trying to convey a verbal emphasis. But considering your comments, it was a really clumsy way to go about it. I corrected this and added a few expository words to indicate what Mike was attempting.
And lastly I cleaned up my use of hyphens. Your comments got me off my lazy duff to investigate how to make the 'em' things with my word processor.
Footnotes: I'll try and avoid using the note markings in future. I'll just have a Notes section at the bottom of the chapter
5118225 I never even considered you might use a Mac, so I just wrote the alt codes. The "canon" in "headcanon" only has two Ns.
5118507
I'm not using a Mac, or even Windows. I am a Unix weenie.
(Actually it's Linux - but that's just a local dialect as far as I'm concerned.)
Sorry - I'm afraid there is no spell checking when posting comments.
5118672 Ah, I'm not sure how that works on Unix. Unicode maybe?
5119472
Funny, that's pretty much what Twilight said.
5119503
Not sure. I just write the story using LibreOffice Writer.
It's a word processor, a little different from Microsoft Word, but pretty much the same.
Though it's spell/grammer checker makes noises like a hole in a spaceship.
I have to transfer the story over to 'Word' to carry out those checks.
5119591 I never bother using a software spellchecker. They rarely catch any mistakes I wouldn't.
really really liking this and really really can't wait for more. There needs to be more space talk for the space nerd which is myself. though i suppose the big picture is well covered but more stuff on the moon landing would be snazzy. maybe just ask her why the moon landing was such a big deal over their meal.
I am going to enjoy the computer (and etc) parts. I think you are going to spend a lot of time on wikipedia and so will twilight though I also expect a cautionary introduction on internet safety along with the darker subjects that one may learn about in a painful manner on the internet such as war and nsfw things. also, is mlp real in your universe?
at some point I am going to expect a talk about 'how did you get here?' and then things go down hill for a while. then she will need to reevaluate everything. i suspect that I am repeating myself with some parts of these comments but i dont care enough to look.
Look this video
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5vOU6-1yNZs
Watch is better than write many words for explain such Huge structure like the universe. You can use it for the fiction, made twi see it etc. The video dont use heavy scientific words, is breath-taking and the narrator is awsome.
Maybe you Will not use it for the FIC , but is just too awesome , it must be shared
All I got from this chapter was he's a space nerd boy version of Rarity.
I think you might want to remove "Horaómorphic" as Glamours in magic are nigh exclusive to altering perception, so it's a redundancy.
5131029 Perhaps I will remove the common term 'glamour'.
Twilight is Twilight. She does have a tendency to pull out the scientific mumbo jumbo and give lectures.
Especially so in this case, since she is taking a poke at Mike.
5131460
Still, I think being
almostintentionally obfuscating in reaction to "ok lets srs nao" is the wrong way to go. Not only does Mike knownext tonothing about Magic, but I would think it obvious that the names wouldn't hold the proper meaning to him. It makes it seem sorta "haha you're an ijit" instead of "Why're you so serious all of a sudden?"Likewise, Mike's "Wow, I kinda deserved that" is... well, wrong. You're either leaving quite a bit of posture and body language out, or you've misconstrued the interaction.
On that note, another error, here:
I believe you want your.
The scene there would make more sense if it were just Twilight or just Mike that made a misstep, but not only was Twilight kind of an arse, Mike was too quick to assume fault. Mike should have called Twilight out on it.
It just gets worse from there, with Twilight continuing the Condescending Jerkass routine despite Mike admitting a mistake that wasn't actually one in the first place.
It just makes Twi seem much more malicious than her character should allow, and Mike much more submissive.
As for the body-mind thing, no. That's just flat-out wrong. The mind is as much part of the body as the brain, or arms or legs—not the opposite. Any damage to the brain can cause changes in personality, motor control, or a number of things. Anything that affects the mind will also affect the body and the brain. Placebo. Need I say more?
As for your "glamour" explanation, try something along the lines of this: The glamour effects (as in, "brings about") the change in conscious perception by hijacking the subconscious pattern recognition of the subject viewing the object wrapped in the glamour, and and falsely reporting 'results' in the perception in the conscious mind. It works by using prototypes and templates of the subject to draw upon—for example, a notice-me-not glamour would give an uninteresting appearance and a compulsion to ignore, whereas a glamour to incite lust, or familiarity, or... what-have-you would draw upon what the subject finds attractive, or 'wise', or 'kind'... such as a smug grin made into a warm and welcoming smile.
Uh. Whoops. Wrote a bit much.
E:Oh, and I don't mean to sound condescending or rude, but I admit I did get a little irritated at 'Twilight' and I may be projecting it onto you... wasted potential and inaccuracies when writing really annoy me.
5132251
KitsuneNoYomieri san - I appreciate your input. And I will consider it carefully.
As mentioned before, I am very new to 'writing', and am making mistakes quite frequently. One of the hardest things I find, is to keep the character's personalities and behaviours in mind and to not let them get subverted by the 'flow' of the narrative.
You are right. they both get a little OOC in that part. And I thank you for bringing it to my attention. But I'm not sure how I will attempt a correction. I will probably wait a few weeks before I attempt it. Hopefully my writing will have improved by then.
At the end of the day this is my story and I can't have others write it for me.
PS: "Twilight, please submit your proposal" was a simple typo. Somehow the spell checker missed it.
5133127
Technically speaking, "Twilight, please submit you proposal" is not misspelled... so spellcheck wouldn't catch that :P
You may want to enlist the help of a pre-reader, though you're doing a well-enough job for a newbie.
Some advice: I personally find it really helps to have a similar mood to the character I'm writing—to be frustrated and annoyed with an irritated character, or in a good mood with a perpetually happy one, and so on. Just remember to look it over with a level head later on so your emotions don't start dragging the narrative places. It's... taken me to rather strange places in more than one occasion.
5132251 Well I finally got around to editing chapter six. Hope it's a little more readable now.
Littel correction here:
I like it very much so far!
I'm no linguist but I am a bit of an etymology junkie and I love the word, nicely done there. It didn't even occur to me you had made it up on the spot till I got to the notes.
I'm really liking the why you've captured Twilight's character here, and Mike's as well.
The way you made up words, and yet the linguistics sounded amazing. I APPLAUD YOU!!!
I only read the first part of the chapter. These conversations the two keep getting into are not interesting, they're just bland. You make the mistake of doing little but talking about things you already know how to talk about, because that's easy. And sure, they say you should "write what you know" but you're suppose to weave that into the narrative. Here it's all just dead weight. As far as the actual narrative is concerned, very little is going on, and I don't have the patience for it any more.
The ethical debate was perhaps a bit longer than necessary. While interesting for its own sake, it does weigh down the story.
Tea has caffeine, too. Not as much as coffee, but more than enough to have a notable effect. ESPECIALLY on a little pony.
Their is a word missing from this sentence.
Whenever I see anything to do with altering the mind I always think there is no way it could be one hundred percent effective. I see missing words in these stories very frequently. Most people don't see them because they are not actually reading what is written but anticipating what is written. They stand out to me most likely because I have autism, which cusses me to perceive things in higher detail.
Spells that alter perception do have an obvious weakness though. Cameras do not perceive.
6102065 Thank you very much for catching that. Fixed.
5636190
The problem with your perception is that you're expecting an adventure narrative. There are aspects of adventure, but as it is, this is more a story of discovery. Other readers are fine with it because they realize this, and are fine with watching Twilight discover this world around her, while Mike discovers about Twilight.
Furthermore, you need to read between the lines: Twilight has been intentionally avoiding the subject of where she's from and how she got where she is, and when it came up, she was as brief as possible. Why? Probably because she's trying to fight the depression and hopelessness that would come with thinking about home. In a sense, the stagnation of the story is also progress, as it shows her allowing these negative feelings to build up before the inevitable release.
Aboot that perception spell thingy: won't cameras be an issue?
>Tea had always had it's own magic
*its
>It's like some kind of Plevlovian behavioural response
Is that a pony pun?
Another round of Spot The Typo.
6201028
You're right. Cameras can reveal her true appearance. Technology is not influenced by the spell matrix since it has no "mind" to perceive with, when the spell is supposed to 'fool' the mind.
I believe even if someone were to simply look through a Digital Camera for example, or a Smartphone camera feature, they would already see Twilight's real physical appearance, they don't even have to take a picture and check the film (which is unnecessary in case of Digital Cameras and Smartphones of course).
For that matter, even a simple 'mirror' should be enough to show her as a pony. Twilight's spell just isn't as good as Changeling magic! They better watch out for cameras and reflecting materials.
6102065 Wait a moment you have autism? Clearify what that does to you please.
5636190 Don't you love giving out constructive criticism and its met by hate?
"Sinful Salads" Do they have demon chunks in the salad?
6971289
Hey! I'll have you know that I worked hard to name that restaurant.
Actually I did a web search. Found a salad bar called Heavenly-something or other, and just flipped the name over.
So she's comparing the literal embodiment of the moon that was only able to get there via magic, to a species that clearly has no magic, and everything is at a scale at least partially larger than Equestria?
And she claims to be smart? I call bs.
After reading this far into the story, I feel like I could stand up there with the likes of Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawkings. Like, holy hell, there's so much interesting information.
Guess the first part used to be one sentence and when you changed it you just added the beginning of the second sentence. and have not could be haven't but I digress.
The whole time they were in the truck talking, this song was in my head.
Suddenly appropriate that I've been listening to Shooting Stars on ten (10) hour repeat...
Probably not something I should be admitting so proudly...
Slice of Wikipedia.
Clever way to avoid talking about her age, and sneaky too, I approve.