Apple Bloom kicked her hind legs onto the table. “Crusaders, this is the life.”
Sweetie Belle swallowed a mouthful of cake. “I’m sorry, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you over this deliciousness I’m enjoying while my ice cream melts over a hot crumpet.”
“Why wait?” Scootaloo said, pressing two crumpets together over a big scoop of chocolate ice cream. She took a bite and reclined back on her throne.
Rainbow Dash’s throne, actually.
Apple Bloom tilted her head back and studied the now upside-down three apples that adorned her seat. “They’ve had meetings, right?” She looked over the table again—over the fresh crumpets, the rainbow of cake frostings, the bowls and bowls of ice cream—to look at the three gems over Sweetie Belle and the lightning bolt over Scootaloo. “We’re not the first ones to sit here, are we?”
Sweetie Belle chewed her lip. “It might have been excessive to have them drag the other four over to the side.”
Scootaloo took another bite of her sandwich. “Worf it. Hod to git the table.”
“Ew! Scootaloo, we don’t have a reason for bad manners!”
“Sure we do! We aren’t cleaning this up.” Ice cream dripped off the back of her crumpets and hit the golden floor. Scootaloo gulped. “Are we?”
Apple Bloom snatched a bowl of sweet-carrot vanilla with caramel swirl. “We won the game, didn’t we? They wouldn’t make us clean it up.” No sooner had the words left her mouth than the crusaders exchanged worried looks. She picked up the silver bell on the table and rang it.
The doors on the left side opened. Princess Celestia entered, carrying a tray on her back. Her flowing mane was tied under a hoof towel, and a tight black blouse wrapped around her forelegs and barrel. Two stockings were pulled up to the hocks on her hind legs.
“Miladies,” she said with a smile, bowing low. “How may I serve you?”
Apple Bloom eyed the perfectly balanced tray through the bow. “I can’t believe I’m asking this, but... have you done this before?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow, but her smile remained. “I don’t believe that information was part of the deal.” She stood straight again and levitated most of the dirty dishes onto her tray. “Are you ready for your tea now?”
“Actually,” Scootaloo said, “the deal is why we brought you in here.”
“Oh, the clothes really aren’t so bad now that I’m used to them. The costume is certainly a little small, but Rarity has good taste in—”
“Moving on.” Sweetie Belle cleared her throat. “We were just wondering what happens now.”
Apple Bloom snorted. “We were wondering if we’re gonna get stabbed in the back. Who’s cleaning up all this?”
Celestia picked up a bowl of ice cream. She gave the crusaders an impish grin. “My little ponies, don’t worry about cleaning for one moment.” The golden aura faded, and the bowl dropped to the table, spilling the ice cream. The bowl rolled over the edge and clattered along the floor.
“Hm. Clumsy me.”
Sweetie Belle’s eye bugged out of her head. “You... what... did you...?”
The bowl levitated in a golden aura again. “As I said, don’t worry about the cleaning. You could say there is an entire army ready and waiting for the job.” Celestia turned and walked away. “I’ll bring your tea momentarily.”
Scootaloo gaped. “We should have asked to be princesses for a day instead of just a meal.”
Sweetie Belle shook her head. “We should have stayed on her good side.”
“And whose fault was that?” Apple Bloom said, picking up a slice of cake. She tossed it up and down.
Scootaloo pressed another scoop of ice cream between two crumpets and pulled them apart. She grinned.
“You wouldn’t.” Sweetie Belle looked back and forth between them. “Never mind the clean-up. I know where you both sleep.”
Celestia walked back in. “Tea time, miladies.” Three cups floated over to rest in front of each filly. “You each have your own special blend, I believe.”
Apple Bloom sniffed her cup. “Ooh, is that cinnamon? I love cinnamon!” She took a sip, and a smile spread across her face. “That is so good!”
Sweetie Belle took a sip of her own. “Mmm! How much honey did they put in this? It’s great!”
Scootaloo swallowed her mouthful and tilted her head. “It’s okay.”
Celestia laughed. “I’ll be sure to pass that on. Luna just left for Canterlot.”
“Oh?” Sweetie took another sip. “She didn’t stay for the ceremony?”
“I believe my sister will be taking a vacation,” Celestia said with a smile. “I heard she retained the services of two ponies who own a spa here in Ponyville. Lotus and Aloe? They will be staying with Luna for the next few days.”
Apple Bloom paled. “Back up. You said you would let her know. Did... Luna brew the tea?”
“She did. Ah! That reminds me. She had a message for you.” Celestia’s brow furrowed. “‘Kissing booth.’ Luna said you would understand?” She looked at each of them, but no one said a word. She shrugged and left.
Scootaloo dumped her tea over a cake. Soaked blue sludge was the last thing to drip out, and the tea itself had a distinctly blue hue... disguised by the blue-dyed porcelain.
Apple Bloom looked into her own cup and threw it away after a brief pause, horror spreading over her face. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!"
All three stared at the spreading blue stain on the floor. "Poison joke?!”
Rule #1: Do not trifle in the affairs of alicorns, for they are both long in memory and lifespan.
4997330
That sound like a commercial...
"Cutie Mark Crusader Hostage Takers! We have low rates and satisfaction guarenteed! Who are we going to kidnap next?"
Thanks for reading!
4997345
Pinkie is nothing if not accomodating.
4997392
Thanks for reading.
considering Twilight's not checking every rule and her own guards stupidity the Crusaders should be low on Luna's revenge list
4997531
One does not simply laugh at the Princess of the Night without expecting a laugh in return.
So the guards seriously don't get any kind of consequenses for being such blockheads? Not to mention all the serious rights violations they commited in Ponyville. I was at least hoping Silver Wind would end up getting demoted or even court marshaled. Honestly the CMC were the biggest victims in all of this.
4997586
The guards were not in Celestia's good graces at the end, not to mention Twilight, Luna, and Cadance. There's also the matter of the searches and state of the street leading up to the Carousel Boutique. They were nowhere near off the hook.
A tip of my hat to you sir\madame, that was quite an enjoyable read.
4997638 Okay then, at least they weren't let off scot free. Still would have been good to see what happened to them, a chewing out from one of the royals or something, but as long as they got some kind of punishment, I'm good. Well played.
4997655
Thanks. I appreciate the comments.
4997646
Good to hear!
I would be scared to if I was threatened to drink Sweetie Belle's tea.
4997820
Hm. Possible story idea there. Like an Equestrian Ice Bucket Challenge.
4997829 oh Luna, what have I done. Lol do it.
Glorious. Utterly glorious. If this doesn't get featured, then I may have to abduct the admins
Will there be a sequel/bonus chapter about the what happens next for the guards and Twilight? Also, what effect will the poison joke have on the CMC?
4997638 Wait, is it implied that Twilight is in trouble for this too? That makes no sense. Yeah, she should have known the procedure for stuff like this but it was still their fault for not listening to her instructions. She set up the exercise and was laying out the rules when they suddenly stopped paying attention and started man-handling her and her friends. BTW, assulting a princess has to be grounds for serious reprecussions. Honestly I half-expected Twilight to start blasting the idiots through walls.
I'm sorry if I seem really hung up about this and taking it way too seriously but I just need some kind of closure. I hope you don't take all this the wrong way, I'm just weird like this.
4997987
No, no, no, Twilight's not in trouble at all. That line in my comment was about Twilight and Luna and Cadance being upset with the guards too, because, like you said, they botched up. I probably could have worded that better.
4997847
I imagine a mad dash to Zecora's in in the CMC's future.
4998006
He knows not what he has done...
Thanks!
4998001 OH! Okay then, that...that is a serious load off my mind. Thank you for clearing that up and, again, I'm sorry if I seemed rude in any way. I know it's a comedy and just meant to be silly but I have a tendency to get caught up on things like this. It's ruined more than a few stories for me but I'm happy to say that this wasn't one of them.
Oh hey it's on the feature box now Awesome stuff here. I was laughing so much the whole time I was reading.
4998165
Good to hear it. Thanks.
What to be done with captain: Given the option to either resign his commission or face demotion and disgrace for his gross incompetence during the war game.
Flash Sentry: Sent in for retraining on Equestria's equivalent of Nuremberg laws, or "not to do something just because your following orders"
New training program for the guards, greater emphasis on fact finding, gathering information and communications. Study of unconventional tactics and thinking outside the box.
These are just my immediate findings for what the guard needs based solely on this drill. Wonder what other things I'll think of later that they need training in.
What are the effects of Poison Joke on the CMC?
4998267
4998275
The princesses certainly learned a thing or two about the guards' competency.
4998313 Yeah call it a wild hunch but I think if Flash had been CO he would have at least done better than the clown who I want to call Frank Burns instead of his actual name did. But A. he showed his own moments of incompetence, and b. If he so blindly folows orders that would be problematic to any officer...
4998307
Confusion, stupefication, loss of recognizable speech patterns, wailing, hysteria, and general mayhem.
And then the effects kick in.
4998340 So their sisters, and in scoots case, Rainbow Dash, but as very destructive, and very capable lil fillies that have a record bigger than most criminals in Equestria.
4998340 well okay then XD
That was a work of art. Well done.
4998586 Thanks. Glad you liked it.
I admit the screenshot at the beginning caught me a little off guard, but honestly this was an enjoyable and hilarious treat!
4998640
Yeah, the picture really inspired the story.
4998646
Objective achieved, then.
4998651
Hm, interesting.
Odd part is, I think I have actually seen that picture before on accident.
4998706
Indeed he did.
4998714
Thank you! I enjoy being in the feature box, too.
that, that was just freaking cute. it was hilarious.
and hooo boy, the mess those guys are gonna have to clean up after those fillies get giong........ they desreve it. little miss luna is a clever one. a bit of revenge on the cutie makr crusaders teasing, and a huge revenge upon those incompetent fools.
i demand a sequel where we see just how fucked those guards are.
4998739
4998732
There's a lot of interest in guard comeuppance... I'll keep it in mind.
I immensely enjoyed this story. I laughed frequently the jokes and clever lines. Pinkie, the tea, Cadence and Luna, and Twilight's less than stellar planning just lead to a whole riot of laughter. The twist at the end, perfect.
Congratulations on getting it featured, Minds Eye!
4998778 well they did kinda screw everyone over with blatant regulations and genrall sutpidity. complicated a very simple game.
Quite an interesting story. And I did get that Celestia arranged for some ponies to clean up after them; she said they had a virtual army ready. As far as why the CMC were there? Well, they were OK up until they roped Celestia into the whole wreck, I guess. She's just an innocent bystander if you think about it
Quick thing here, I didn't get the "posion" joke thing at the end. Could you explain a bit...?
4998810
Yep. She honored the deal her guards made, and now they face the consequences of making that deal...
4998781
Greatly appreciated.
Golden! That's all I got to say.
4998838
Poison joke. It was a touch of payback.
4998878
All you need to say, too. Thanks!
4998879
Oh god. Well I have the strong feeling Zecora isn't going to help them this time. Also, I guess the Mane 6 were released and Silver Wind doing some SERIOUS apologizing?
4998879 OMG, I know you...you are a commenter on DWC's comment driven story, I can't believe I read a book by you without even noticing it was you until I read the comments
4999127
Yep, that's me! Hope you enjoyed it.
wait wait wait wait wait! this is incomplete! where's the epilogue for everything that happened to everyone else after the CMC conquered?
4999133
I thought keeping it all focused on the CMC was the way to go, but with all the comments, it seems an additional chapter will be necessary. I'm kicking around ideas now.
4999172 well that silver guy was a bit of a dick after all. he needs comeuppance that can be seen.
4999172 just so long as what's-his-face get's what's coming to him, i'll be happy.
I think Twilight should get at least some form of punishment for her screw-up. I'm pretty sure Luna and Caddy didn't have getting bound and gagged in mind, she didn't read the rules thoroughly, she badly underestimated the guards incompetence, and she involved the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Considering bad things tend to happen when those three are involved, that last one alone is justification for some sort of backlash, if not from the princesses then maybe from her friends since they got dragged into this debacle that resulted from her bad idea.
Also shouldn't Discord be somewhere rolling on the ground laughing his ass off at all the bedlam and disorder coming from this whole sordid affair?