Act 1 - The First Adventure
Twilight Sparkle smiled as she wiped her muzzle clean of the sparkling apple cider. She lowered the napkin and the empty mug, setting them on the table gently. “I need to be careful, otherwise there won't be any left for all the little fillies and colts tonight.”
The door to the Golden Oaks Library swung open and warm sunlight poured into the entryway. A small purple dragon entered, carrying a bag of cookies in his right claw. “Where do you want these, Twilight?”
"Right here is fine, Spike," said Twilight. She pointed to a stack of plates on the center of the table to the left of the barrel of cider.
Spike walked toward the table, lifted up the bag, and set it down beside the plates.
“Thanks, Spike!” Twilight beamed. “Ooh, I love pumpkin!” Her horn glowed and she extracted a cookie from the bag. She took a bite, humming as small crumbs stuck to her muzzle and fell to the floor.
“I hope you don't mind, but I got three dozen instead of two...” Spike's mouth began to water as he gazed at the cookies. “We'll have plenty for tonight... we can split the leftovers.”
Twilight let out a quiet sigh as she gulped down the final piece of her snack. “Always planning ahead. You also got a few pies, didn't you?”
Spike blushed and exited the library, returning with a box in each of his claws. “Pumpkin from Pinkie and apple from Applejack. Should I put them on the other side of the cider?”
Twilight nodded as she placed stacks of plastic cups between the cookies and the barrel of cider. She stepped back to give Spike some room and slowly scanned the table. “Everything looks perfect.” She grabbed a clipboard and quill with her magic, holding them aloft in front of her. The quill scratched a little marking into the parchment. “Refreshments, check.”
Spike grabbed a napkin and picked up the crumbs off the floor before dropping it into a nearby trash bin then turned to Twilight. “Are you sure it's a good idea to give out cookies and cider instead of candy, Twilight?” he asked with an inquisitive stare. “Sugarcube Corner is already going to have a snack table, and Applejack is also giving out drinks.”
“Not to worry, Spike. It's all prearranged.” Twilight pointed her glowing horn at the library door and it closed with a thud. “Pinkie is giving out different snacks than we are, so everypony will have some variety. Applejack is set up on the opposite side of town, so no matter where anypony is, they will have a nice, cool mug of famous Sweet Apple Acres cider close by.”
“So, no trick-or-treat?” Spike frowned and hung his head.
“I didn't say that.” Twilight stroked Spike's head affectionately. “I can watch the refreshment stand while you go have fun.”
Spike raised his head and met Twilight's warm gaze. “You mean it?”
“Of course.”
Spike wrapped his little arms around Twilight's neck and held her close.
Memories of the day she first laid eyes on the newly-hatched Spike filled Twilight's mind. A warmth flowed through her as she closed her eyes and returned the embrace.
The seconds passed by in silence. Only the indistinct clatter of ponies and carts could be heard through the library windows.
Spike pulled back from Twilight and rubbed his claws together. “So then, what else do we need to do here?”
“Well, let's see.” Twilight picked up her clipboard and they looked across the library.
White thread covered the bookshelves all along the walls of the circular room with several toy spiders hung from the ceiling. A wooden horse head in the center of the room wore a top hat and monocle, and several unlit candles sat atop two book stands by the door leading outside.
Twilight mumbled to herself and periodically glanced over the top of her clipboard as she went down her checklist. After a few minutes, she set the clipboard aside. “Everything looks great. There's just one thing left.”
“And what's that?” asked Spike.
“The mayor asked me to bring her a copy of the Legend of the Headless Horse.”
Spike raised an eyebrow and gazed at Twilight studiously. “Why does the Mayor want that one?”
“All she said is that she wanted to change things up a little bit this year.” Twilight lifted her foreleg to her side and shook her head. “Could you please get it for me, Spike?”
Spike walked over to the bookshelf labeled LMN and climbed the ladder that was propped up against it. He pulled a small, blue paperback book from the top row, and covering his nose, he carefully blew the dust from the cover.
Twilight watched silently as Spike climbed back down to the floor and held the book up for her. She levitated the book across the library, sliding it into a white saddlebag laying at the base of the stairs leading up to the bedroom.
“That's everything.” Twilight lifted the saddle pack over her head and tightened the straps around her waist. She opened the door and beamed at Spike. “Shall we head out? The others should all be waiting for us over at Rarity's.”
“Right behind you, Twilight!” Spike grabbed a cookie from the refreshment table and followed Twilight outside.
Twilight shut the door and sunlight washed over them as they stepped onto the porch. The chatter of ponies and the creaking of carts invaded their ears.
The sun hung high in the cloudless sky, casting its glow over the town of Ponyville. Tree branches swayed in the gentle breeze, and birds sang from their perches atop the many shops and houses while the pony folk below trotted along the streets and showed off their costumes to each other.
Unicorns used their magic to paint the lamp posts to appear as eyes, and banners picturing bats and skeletons were draped between them. Booths selling masks and face-paint were set up in the town center. Merchants wandering through the crowds offered ponies samples of special Nightmare Night candies like skull-shaped sugar cubes and crescent-moon doughnuts.
With Spike seated firmly on her back, Twilight climbed the stairs to the Town Hall and spotted a tan saddlebag dangling from the door handle. “This must be the bag she said to put it in.”
“Got it!” Spike grabbed the book and lowered it gently into the bag. “One copy of The Legend of the Headless Horse.”
Twilight turned and walked down the stairs, glancing around the town square. “I think this crowd is even bigger than last year.” She stopped in front of the dance circle and smiled at a group of ponies enjoying the rhythms of a fiddle and a banjo. “I haven't danced since my brother's wedding.”
“How are Shining Armor and Princess Cadance doing?” inquired Spike.
Twilight looked back at Spike. “They're doing wonderful.”
“Speaking of, I saw that letter. Do they really want us to put together the Crystal Fair again?”
“They do.”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “Isn't that their responsibility?”
“Well, we did such a great job last year that they figured we're the best ones for it," Twilight replied as she moved through the large crowd of ponies toward Carousel Boutique. “Besides, they have enough to worry about with ruling the Crystal Empire, but we'll worry about this later. Let's just focus on tonight. We're due at Rarity's to pick up our costumes, and then we're going to go visit the Castle of Two Sisters.”
“Those old ruins?” Spike maintained his grip on Twilight's back and stared at her curiously. “What are you guys gonna do there?”
“Just think, Spike,” said Twilight. “It's been three years since we moved to Ponyville and met the others, and tonight seemed like the perfect night to celebrate.”
“Well, I don't know about going to the castle. Would it be okay if I stayed behind?”
Twilight paused mid-step and looked back at Spike. “Stayed behind?” She frowned. “But why?”
“That forest gives me the creeps. So dark, and that kind of thing...”
“It won't be quite the same without my number one assistant slash friend there.”
Spike smiled warmly. “Ah well see, I wasn't actually there three years ago. So it wouldn't make sense for me to go.”
“Alright, Spike. I get the idea.” Twilight faced forward and continued her way down the street. “You don't have to come with us, but only because you say so.”
“Great! Now let's hurry! My Lady in waiting is, um... well, waiting.”
Twilight sighed to herself and smiled.
The Carousel Boutique soon came into their view and Twilight stopped momentarily, gazing in awe at its decor.
“Wow!” cried Spike. “Is this the right place?”
The store had been decorated to appear as a towering granite castle. Yellow crafting paper was taped to the windows, and thick spider webs littered their surface. Ponies were crowded around the windows, attempting to glimpse what Rarity had done with the interior.
As Twilight neared the shop, her eyes landed on a sign that was posted on the door. “Closed. Pre-approved Nightmare Night guests only... that's us!” She chuckled and the two of them entered the boutique.
The interior of the Carousel Boutique sat in sharp contrast to the outside. There were no special decorations. Mannequins and racks of fanciful clothes lined the walls, and rolls of thread that were arranged according to color and shade sat atop the many tables.
“We're here!” Twilight glanced around the room and her attention fell on a small circular platform in the center. She smirked, shaking her head upon seeing Rainbow Dash fidgeting atop the platform, and Rarity levitating a measuring tape that wrapped around Rainbow’s legs and waist in rapid succession.
“Honestly, Rainbow Dash! Must you behave so dreadfully every time I do a fitting for you?”
Rainbow Dash grunted and flinched as the measuring tape wrapped itself around her waist again. She grimaced at the white unicorn in front of her. “This isn't the Grand Galloping Gala, Rarity. It's just Nightmare Night... and the name's Zapp! Power Pony of wind, thunder, and lightning!” She admired herself in the nearby mirror and grinned as she saw the light reflecting off of her lightning bolt necklace. “And I thought I looked awesome last year.”
“You'll be Rainbow Dash the Costume-less Bore if you don't sit still so I can get these last measurements just right!”
Rainbow scowled as she turned her gaze to the ceiling; resigned to her fate at the hooves of the fashionista.
Rarity fastened the measuring tape around Rainbow's waist one final time, scrutinizing the marks along the black fabric with her discerning eyes. After a moment, she levitated the tape away and set it down on a dresser next to some pin cushions. “There. Although it would have gone much faster if you had been a bit more cooperative.”
Rainbow looked at herself in the mirror once more and grinned devilishly. She opened her wings and kicked into the air. “Feels great to fly again.”
“You look great, Rainbow.” said Twilight.
They turned and smiled their greetings at the sound of Twilight's voice.
“Hey, Twilight!” A wide grin crept onto Rainbow's face. “And yeah. Lot goes without saying!”
Rarity wore a blue face mask and body suit with glimmering amethysts in her mane and tail, and turquoise on the suit itself. A golden pendant hung from her neck, adorned with a large amethyst in the center. “Hello, darling.”
Spike blushed and gazed at Rarity with stars in his eyes. “Whoa! You look... divine!” Loosening his grip as he gazed at the mare, Spike allowed his arms to dangle over Twilight's sides and he started to slide off her back.
Twilight caught Spike with her magic and set him down on the floor.
Rarity beamed. “Why thank you, Spike! For tonight, call me Radiance.” She flicked her mane and it flowed across her face.
Spike clutched his chest and toppled sideways as Twilight playfully nudged his shoulder. The ponies laughed and Spike rose to his feet.
Twilight rolled her eyes and glanced at her friends. “Are the others here yet?”
“Nope.” Rainbow blitzed around the room. She pointed her hooves at various spots on the walls and made shooting sounds. “They better hurry. They're missing the great Zapp in action.”
“I'm certain they'll be here soon,” said Rarity as she moved alongside Twilight. “Come along, darling. I've got your costume right over here.” She glanced down at Spike. “And of course, the Power Ponies wouldn't be complete without our wittle Hum Drum!”
Rarity lead them over to the clothes rack. Lighting her horn, she pulled a crimson body suit with a blue horn guard, a v-neck crest, and some goggles from the line. “Here you are, Twilight. I followed the design from Spike's comic exactly. Isn't it simply amazing?”
“You're the Masked Matter-Horn, Twilight,” stated Spike. “But it's not like you need superpowers to shoot energy beams from your horn. You're practically a superhero already!”
Twilight snickered as she grabbed the costume with her magic, and then slowly slipped into it. “I wouldn't go that far.” She looked at herself in the mirror.
Lighting her horn again, Rarity pulled a black mask with a red cape, blue boots, and gloves from the line. “I really didn't like how they treated poor little Hum Drum in the comic, Spike. He's just as important to the team as any of the Power Ponies.”
Spike put on the boots and gloves before fastening the cape around his neck. Adjusting the mask on his face, he put his claws on his hips and puffed out his chest. “How's it look?”
“Very heroic.” Rarity giggled and rubbed Spike's head.
The door to the boutique opened and Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie walked in. Applejack wore a lasso around her waist.
“About time, slowpokes,” Rainbow said with a sly grin. She flew over to them and hovered in place, folding her forelegs. “You missed all the action.”
“Sorry we're late,” muttered Fluttershy, keeping her head slightly down. “I had to make sure Angel understood the rules of giving out candy to all the sweet little colts and fillies tonight. I still don’t know how you talked me into this. Normally I’d be holed up under my bed by now like I usually am for—” She paused and swallowed hard. “For N-Nightmare Night...”
“Well we’re certainly glad you’re coming with us,” stated Rarity encouragingly. She walked up to the yellow pegasus and gave her a hug. “It just wouldn’t be the same without you, darling.”
Fluttershy fidgeted slightly in Rarity’s embrace. “Uhh... right...”
Pinkie held up two bags of doughnuts. “For our trip into the forest. Fresh from Sugarcube Corner!” Pinkie pulled the doughnuts from the bags one by one. “I've got maple bars, chocolate, glazed...” Her voice trailed off as she gazed at the baked goods before her eyes. She licked her lips. “I wonder if I could make an everything doughnut...”
“Gee, Rainbow,” said Applejack. “That's a right good getup you got there.”
“Thanks, I might start wearing it all the time.”
“All you need now is your nappin' cloud.”
Rainbow smirked and stuck her tongue out at Applejack. “You're just jealous.”
“Come on now, girls.” Rarity waved her foreleg high above her head, beckoning them over to her. “Precious daylight is fading away. Now remember, Twilight. I'm only going into that ghastly forest because you asked me to.”
Twilight smiled and nodded her head firmly. “And I'm very happy you're coming.”
“Be a dear and help me move these costumes, won't you?”
“Okay.” Twilight faced her friends and glanced between them. "As they say in the comic, or at least what I saw on the cover, it's time to Power Pony up!”
Applejack and Fluttershy moved toward the clothes racks.
Pinkie bounced up and down alongside them, beaming at the costumes. “Are those for us? They're for us! I knew it, they're for us!”
“Made from my finest threads!” exclaimed Rarity as she flicked her gem-studded mane. “But I'm just the designer. This was all Spike's idea. He's the creative genius tonight. I'm Radiance, Twilight is Masked Matter-Horn, Rainbow is Zapp, and Spike is Hum Drum.” Rarity's horn lit up and a red suit with a green tail-wrap levitated off the rack. “Applejack, you are Mistress Mare-velous, master of the lasso.”
“Good thing I always have mine with me.” Applejack unraveled the lasso from her waist and started to swing it around.
Rarity caught the lasso with her magic and raised an eyebrow at Applejack.
Applejack paused and stared at Rarity briefly before letting out a weak chuckle. “Oh... right. Well, enough wastin' time. I don't normally say this but Rarity, dress me up.” Applejack set her stetson on the table and Rarity helped her into the costume.
"Spike, I'm afraid I've never actually read the comic." Twilight pulled the last two costumes from the line and blushed as she glanced at Spike. "Just peeked at the cover."
“This is Saddle Rager.” Spike pointed to the turquoise suit with butterfly anklets. “When she gets angry, she transforms into an unstoppable force of brute strength, and it's all yours, Fluttershy.”
“Oh my, that doesn't sound very nice at all...”
Spike glanced at the white suit with violet arrows running along its sides. “Last one.” He smiled at Pinkie.
“Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!” Pinkie continued to bounce up and down and stared at Spike expectantly.
“Pinkie, you are Filli-Second. The fastest mare in all the world. You can travel across entire cities in the blink of an eye.”
Twilight helped Fluttershy and Pinkie into their costumes as Spike backed away. Pinkie grinned brightly and crouched down. Rarity and Applejack leaped back as Pinkie blitzed past them and charged around the room.
“Pinkie Pie!” Rarity scolded. “My store is not a racetrack!”
Pinkie skidded to an abrupt halt. “Sorry! I was just testing out my new superpowers!”
“Well, girls. I think we should be heading out.” Twilight levitated a chocolate doughnut from Pinkie's bag.
Spike glanced down at the floor. “I'm sorry, but I'm not going.”
The ponies gazed at Spike with blank stares.
“What do you mean?” asked Rarity with a frown.
“Hold on, girls.” Twilight raised her hoof to silence her protesting friends. “Spike said he's not coming and we should respect his wish.” She smiled at Spike.
“Oh come on, big guy,” said Rainbow. “You're one of us, and we want you there with us.”
The ponies all gave Spike encouraging smiles and nodded together.
Spike's face began to glow and he could not resist the urge to smile. “Well...”
“Looks pretty unanimous to me.” Twilight wrapped her forelegs around Spike.
“Aww... okay,” said Spike as he returned the warm embrace. “If it means that much to you, I'll come.”
“That would be wonderful,” said Fluttershy.
Twilight broke the embrace and stepped back. “All right, everypony! Adventure awaits us in the Ever—”
“Oh, wait!” cried Rarity. “Forgot something.” Her horn glowed and a large hat and boots emerged from one of the dressing rooms. Rarity hummed to herself as the hat fell gently onto her head and the boots slipped over her hooves. “Sorry to interrupt like that, Twilight. Do continue.”
“Really, Rarity?” said Applejack with a soft groan.
“I am not getting mud all over such a fabulous costume.”
“It defeats the purpose. You might as well not be wearin' anythin'”
Twilight clapped her hooves and Rarity and Applejack went silent. “As I was trying to say...” Twilight readjusted her goggles and gazed at her friends. “Adventure awaits us in the Everfree Forest. Power Ponies, let's move out!”
“Yeah!” Everypony except Fluttershy raised their hooves into the air and connected them together into a large circle. Spike climbed onto Twilight's back and thrust his claw into the pile.
Fluttershy paused and gulped. Eventually, she lifted her hoof and completed the circle. “Yay.”
Twilight led her friends outside and into the streets. They weaved through the sea of ponies and made their way south through Ponyville toward the Everfree Forest.
When they neared the edge of town, a group of ponies surrounded them and began to admire their costumes. Rainbow grinned, taking numerous heroic poses for the onlookers. Twilight and the others laughed heartily as Applejack lassoed Rainbow and dragged the protesting pegasus away from the crowd.
“I wasn't finished.” Rainbow folded her forelegs and glowered as she flew above her friends.
“Beggin' your pardon, Zapp,” said Applejack. “But your adorin' fans will have to wait.”
The ponies passed Fluttershy's cottage and silence fell upon them as they stood before the towering boughs of the Everfree Forest.
The searing heat of the midday sun bore down on the ponies. Twilight levitated a cloth from her saddlebag and wiped the sweat from her brow. “Looks a bit darker than usual...”
Applejack and Rarity waited on either side of a quivering Fluttershy.
“Don't you fret none, Fluttershy.” Applejack patted Fluttershy's shoulder gently. “We've been in there plenty of times. This ain't nothin' different.”
“Oh, I'm sorry...” Fluttershy blushed and rose to her hooves. “It's just... it's so dark in there.”
“It's the Everfree Forest,” said Rainbow. “It's always dark, but nothing that Zapp and her amazing entourage can't handle.” Rainbow spread her wings and kicked into the air. She flew out in front of her friends, turning toward them with a devilish grin on her face. “And so the Power Ponies set off on another adventure. This time, it's no Mane-iac stirring up trouble, but somepony far worse.”
The ponies all gazed up at Rainbow.
Rainbow pointed her hoof over her shoulder. “This is the Everfree Forest, a place so mysterious and dangerous that very few ponies dare to venture inside, and even fewer come out.” Rainbow rubbed her hooves together and laughed wickedly. “Deep within the heart of this ancient forest hides a terrible creature, Nightmare Moon. If she is not stopped, then all of Equestria will be covered in eternal night.”
“Tell the part about how Twilight used the Elements of Harmony to blow away that big meanie!” cried Pinkie. “That's my favorite.”
“We'll get there, Pinkie.” stated Rainbow. “Okay, ponies. The adventure begins now. Into the forest!”
Twilight and Rarity lit their horns, lighting the leafy trail as the sun disappeared behind the thick canopy overhead. The light reflected off the swirling mist in the air, and the ponies shielded their eyes as they walked silently along the labyrinthine woodland.
“This has to be one of the only above ground places in all of Equestria that's dark in the middle of the day.” Twilight stepped over a small shrub as Spike held up a gnarled, low-hanging branch for her.
“Works for me,” said Rainbow. “This feels just like a Daring Do book. Maybe I should write a book of my own, and we'll be the stars!”
“That's a dandy of an idea there, Zapp,” stated Applejack. “In fact, I'll give you six months of cider if you do it.”
Rainbow grinned. “Easy. Really, how hard could it be?”
“I'd read it,” said Fluttershy. “It sounds lovely.”
A loud snap broke the conversation as Twilight's hoof crushed a small twig into splinters. “I would too. I'll even help you with it, Rainbow—“
“Zapp.”
Twilight chuckled. “Sorry, but I could help you. We could even start our own club! I've always dreamed about getting more ponies into reading.”
“How much further is it?” Rarity winced, pulling her boot out of a puddle of mud. “This humidity is making my poor mane go into a terrible frizz.”
“Not much,” said Twilight as she stepped around some tall ferns. “There's the bridge.”
They emerged from the darkness into a large clearing, pausing as they beheld a gaping chasm separating them from their journey's end. An aged wooden bridge spanned the length of the divide, creaking and swaying in the cool breeze.
Twilight inched toward the rocky cliff side, peeked over the edge, and spotted a river running far below. She turned her attention to the bridge then glanced back at Rainbow, beaming warmly. “It's still there. I'll never forget how you came through for us that day. We never would have been able to complete our mission without you.”
“Heh,” said Rainbow as she rubbed her mane. “I knew those Shadowbolts were fakes the whole time. Like I said before, I would never turn my back on my friends.”
Applejack batted Rainbow's shoulder. “You might have more hot air in your head than Twilight's balloon, but we wouldn't trade you for anypony in the world.”
“All right, all right,” stated Rainbow. “Enough with this lovey-dovey stuff.”
“Why so bashful, darling?” asked Rarity. “I should think you would be thrilled to be the center of attention.”
Twilight's cheeks grew warm as her friends' laughter echoed across the gorge. Rainbow folded her forelegs and stared up at the sky.
“How about it, Zapp?” inquired Twilight. “The ruins are just beyond this canyon. Let's get in there and hear how the story ends.”
“Way ahead of you!” Rainbow flew over the canyon to the opposite side. She turned, waving her foreleg high above her head. “Come on, Power Ponies! Destiny awaits us!”
“Hold on tight, Spike!” cried Twilight.
Spike yelped and wrapped his arms around Twilight's neck as she reared back. Her horn glowed, holding the bridge steady for them as they charged across and into the heart of the forest.
They entered a large grove and beheld the crumbling spires of an ancient set of ruins. Vines wrapped around the moss covered stone walls, and a towering archway stood built into the base of the structure.
“It sure is quiet here...” Fluttershy gulped and trembled as she took a step back.
“That's odd,” said Twilight. She held her hoof behind her ear and leaned her head forward. “Nothing... absolutely nothing. Not a bird, a squirrel... not even a gust of wind. It wasn't like this the first time we were here.”
Spike tightened his grip on Twilight's back. “So, this is the Castle of the Two Sisters?”
“That it is, Spike,” stated Applejack. “Bein' back here gives me the jitters somethin' fierce.”
Rainbow scoffed. “You big scaredy-ponies. There's nothing in there but dust and old stone.”
“Last one in is a rotten Changeling!” cried Pinkie as she rushed forward.
“Pinkie!” yelled Twilight. “Wait for us!”
They raced after Pinkie into the pitch-black corridor. Twilight and Rarity lit their horns, guiding their way through the endless darkness. Their every step echoed off the damp walls.
They came to a spacious chamber large enough to hold a crowd. Dust danced through the air, glittering in the beams of sunlight that shined through the holes in the ceiling. Banners bearing the crest of Equestria hung from the walls. At the far end of the grand hall, two marble thrones sat upon a raised platform. The sun was engraved on one throne, and the moon on the other.
“This is it,” said Twilight as she trotted to the center of the chamber and gazed at the thrones.
“We come now to the grand finale!” Rainbow kicked into the air and dashed around the room. “After a grueling battle, Twilight Sparkle is all alone, and just when it seemed all hope was lost, the power of friendship ignited the magic inside of her and kablam!”
Pinkie bounced up and down, cheering wildly.
“That's my Twilight!” Spike clapped his claw on Twilight's shoulder firmly.
“Simply marvelous!” said Rarity with a wide smile.
Applejack trotted up alongside Twilight, beaming at her. “You sure were somethin', Twi. You kicked that evil mare's flank harder than I kick them trees durin' apple-buckin' season. I'm mighty proud of you.”
“It wasn't all me.” Twilight blushed and waved her hoof out in front of her dismissively. “The trip through the forest, freeing Princess Luna from Nightmare Moon... that was all of us, together.”
Rainbow hovered down to the floor and folded her wings against her sides. “And so, the Power Ponies have saved the day again, galloping off into the setting sun until they are needed once more. The end.”
“Great story, Zapp!” said Spike, clapping his claws together repeatedly.
“Thanks, Spike.” Rainbow took a long bow and her lightning bolt pendant scraped along the floor.
Rarity gasped and grabbed Rainbow's pendant with her magic, levitating it off the ground. “Careful! That's real, twenty three carat golden citrine!”
“Sounds valuable,” said Rainbow with a mischievous grin.
“Only valuable?” Rarity glowered at Rainbow. “It's only the most—”
“All right girls, that's enough.” Twilight stepped between Rarity and Rainbow, glancing back and forth between them. “Let's not worry about that. We should be getting back to Ponyville. We don't want to miss the kickoff... Princess Luna might be joining us tonight!”
Spike climbed onto Twilight's back and everyone began to make their way toward the corridor leading out of the ruins.
Twilight followed behind her friends, admiring the ancient stonework. It's so hard to believe... This place was once the heart of Equestria. The Princesses lived in this very castle...
Twilight paused and everypony glanced back at her.
“Somethin' wrong?” asked Applejack.
“Um...Twilight?” Spike gently tapped Twilight's shoulder.
Twilight did not look at them. She stood still, remaining silent.
Rarity walked up alongside Twilight, gazing at her curiously. “Whatever is the matter, dear?”
“I was just thinking...”
“What about?” inquired Fluttershy.
The wicked laughter of Nightmare Moon cascaded through Twilight's mind. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely a whisper in the dark. “Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever...”
Twilight's friends exchanged nervous looks.
“This place must have been so beautiful,” murmured Twilight. “But now, it's nothing more than a relic of the darkest moment in pony history. I can't even begin to understand how this could have happened. If even a Princess can be taken by the darkness... are any of us truly safe? Poor Luna... Poor Celestia...” Twilight hung her head and a tear ran down her cheek.
Rarity rested a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. “Don't think like that, darling. A terrible thing happened here. No way to change it.”
“Don't be such a downy mcdownerson, Twilight!” Pinkie put her hoof under Twilight's chin and tilted her head up, staring into the unicorn's eyes with a bright smile. “We've been through some pretty spooky things before, and we always came out on top.”
“Yeah, Twilight!” cried Rainbow. “Remember, the six of us are kind of like the Power Ponies, and with the Elements of Harmony, there's no flank we can't kick into next century!”
They all beamed and nodded affirmatively.
“Thank you,” said Twilight with a smile. She lifted her goggles and wiped her eyes. “I really needed that. And to think I once believed that I didn't need friends. Truth is, I'd be nothing without all of you.”
“It's okay, Twilight,” said Fluttershy with a bright smile. “We're just so happy to have you with us.”
Applejack patted Twilight's back. “Don't you worry about it none, sugarcube. Now come on, let's get back before we miss the start of the party.”
“You girls go on ahead,” stated Twilight. “I'm going to stay a little bit longer and clear my mind. I'll catch up with you.”
The others nodded and turned toward the exit. They stepped through the stone archway, and their voices slowly faded away.
Twilight took a deep breath and glanced around the chamber. Her gaze landed upon the old stone thrones, and she studied them intently as she sat there in silence.
“Someday, we're going to rebuild this place. We'll make it even better than it was before, and ponies will live here again.” Twilight rubbed her chin, and letting out a sigh, turned to follow her friends outside.
As she neared the archway, Twilight heard a rustling behind her. She stopped and looked back, scanning the length of the throne room, but saw only darkness there.
With a soft hum, Twilight again stepped toward the exit hall when another rustle reached her ears and she whirled around. “Hello? Is somepony there?”
Twilight waited for a response, but none came. She lit her horn and bright light pierced the darkness around her. Straining her eyes, she lurched her head forward and spotted something sitting in the corner behind the old thrones.
The figure appeared pony-like in shape, but it was obscured by the dark clouds that seemed to swirl about its form. It wore a large cloak as dark as midnight, and a hood was pulled up over its head, shielding its face from view.
Twilight took a few steps toward the risen platform to try and get a better look. “Uh... hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle. Who are you? Were you back there this whole time?”
The shadowy figure gave no reply.
Twilight raised her eyebrow at the stranger. “Can you hear me?”
“I was drawn here by the magic of this world...”
The deep but ghostly voice whispered across the grand hall.
Twilight felt the hair on the back of her neck stand and she rubbed her horn as a tingle shot through it. “I'm sorry?”
“There is a hole in this world..."
"What do you mean?" Twilight inquired.
"Deep as the endless void. It binds them together as one...”
Twilight felt the stranger's eyes examining her and she took a step back, keeping her gaze fixated on the dark figure. “Well, whoever you are, you better stay back... who are you and where exactly did you come from?”
The figure was silent for a few moments before speaking again. “You do not yet know what hides within the veil...”
Twilight trembled and rubbed her foreleg slowly. “Nothing you’re saying is making any kind of sense. What hides within what?”
The dark figure remained unmoving. “Born on the wings of nightmares...”
“Nightmares?”
“I walk this path now. Down the dark corridor, to the place where things go to disappear...”
Twilight glanced behind herself briefly at the stone archway before turning back to face the stranger. “I'm very sorry, but I don't know what you—” Twilight paused as her magic illuminated the dark corner.
It was empty, and the chamber had fallen silent once more.
Twilight no longer sensed the dark presence in the air and she moved her light over every inch of the room.
She found nothing. She saw no movement.
Keeping her horn aglow, Twilight shot one last glance toward the thrones atop the dais. She took a deep breath and then hurriedly left the throne room.
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Here I finally am to look over chapter 2!
Let's go!!
inside *the* birdcage.
This paragraph is a jumbled mess. It just needs to be restructured. How about:
This is so random. I understand that you want the reader to know that it's three years later, but you need more here. Have Celestia reflect on how Luna has changed over the last three years, and how their relationship has strengthened. This also gives more meaning to the next paragraph
Needs to be:
Saying she approached and then waited nearby is repetitive. This would sound better: Celestia approached as the last light of the moon disappeared beneath the distant ocean's surface.
you need another space after smiled.
This is worded awkwardly. Omit the first part, and change wrapping to past tense.
I cannot see neither Luna nor Celestia saying Uh, or Um. They are just too confident to speak like that. A simple Sister? would suffice here.
Again, awkward wording. Flip the sentence: "Celestia kicked a stone into the brush but remained as silent as a tomb."
This should be its own paragraph. Also, adding the word finally after Celestia would help the mood here.
Need a comma after dream. And after vision.
First off, I try to never have this much dialogue all in one go, and when I can't avoid it, I break it up by having the speaker walk around or do some sort of action. It makes them feel more lifelike. This giant wall of dialogue, however, is completely unnecessary. We just read chapter one, we really don't need a summary of it again in chapter two. I would suggest deleting this, and instead make a short paragraph of Celestia telling her story, and Luna's reactions to it.
Comma after correct.
comma after sorry.
Okay, this is just me being nitpicky, as I warned you I am. In literature, alright should be spelled all right. Alright is mainly for informal usage, like messaging and writing letters. In story form, use all right. Alright?
Moved her face!!??
I don't know why this struck me as so funny, but I couldn't stop laughing for like a full minute. How about she leaned in closer to the paper?
This is a title and should be capitalized.
I have no idea what this sentence is telling me. Seriously, I'm totally confused.
This is a very cute and peaceful little paragraph, but there is a lot of sighing in this chapter. Maybe try to find another way to express what they are feeling?
Unneeded quotation mark here.
*forward* drop the s.
Again, awkward wording. End the sentence at quarters, and then say the doors swung opened as they approached. We don't need to know who opened them.
You did pretty well with this, the paragraphs were much better done this time. My only concern is that we are two chapters in and still have no idea what the plot is. I hope this will be fixed in chapter 3, because waiting until chapter 4 is just too long.
Hopefully, I'll be getting to chapter 3 tonight. Talk to you later!!
Honestly, if you continue to get better like this, I may start to worry about my own writing.
But seriously, amazing chapter. Not only is the atmosphere excellent in this story, but it manages to move through scenes very well. There are some points in which I am confused as to what's happening, but that is just me and my need for details. That's actually the reason why my own stories move slowly, I feel the need to completely describe the scene, and that really extends the length of the story. You can accomplish the same without the detail, though, and for that I commend you.
Finally, my favorite part: the dialogue. It was, in short, excellent. You got the characters down perfectly, it actually kind of felt like I was watching an episode of the show. Not to mention the mystery thickening, with vague dialogue that leaves a lot to the imagination. I just, love it.
I can gladly say that I am excitedly awaiting the next chapter. You have captured my interest, and, likely soon, my adoration.
5691476 I do apologize for taking so long to get this updated. I'm a bit of a slow writer.
But I'm very 
you're enjoying it so far! Ch3 is now in production! 
5701092
It's in the works! 
I has question. Is the a crossover of lotr and MLP if so I will add to group of mine.
5768739 Which group? I
LotR!! 
I'm Civviq Writer, from the Fimfiction Bureau of Imaginationists, here to review your story!
Find it here!
Aww, the first dislike. It was only a matter of time.
Alright, this was pretty good! Smoothly connected with a balanced amount of detail. I didn't notice any grammar errors that really stuck out (,there were a few EXTREMELY minor ones, but that's because I'm fairly picky). Overall,vthis was very good, especially for something like a crossover. Keep it up!
5858578 Glad you liked it so far, except this ain't a Xover.
5858622 I meant Adventure, I have no idea why I typed Crossover, heheh. But anyway, great so far!
5858645
5858673 Is this idea dead. Or is there a new chapter coming soon?
5894401 Ch2 was republished this past March, I just didn't do the process correctly. I.e, I didn't delete the chapter before reposting it, so the time-stamp wasn't changed to reflect the update. Ch3 is fully drafted and is being edited, and while that's going on I'm getting a head start on the rough draft for ch4.
My current 2 chapters are actually my old 4 chapters consolidated for a better flow. I had to go on hiatus a while for life reasons and just came back in February.
5894486 understandable. Can't wait
5894508 I am a bit of a slow writer, which certainly doesn't help, but I'm only doing part-time at work now before I go back to school in Fall, so I'm trying really hard to have more out before then.
5901544 Ch3 is being edited, and I'm building the skeleton for ch4 in the meantime. Many thankies for the fav!
Sorry it took so long to set up to follow the story you are writing, but I did get here :)
Anyway, I like the story very much, so far, and look forward to reading the rest of what you write.
5939103 Looks like you goofed up the first comment. There's an edit comment option for that. It's the little pencil button in the top right corner of the comment window. Just so you know for the future.
5979626 Thank you much! And Despite my being a slow writer, I promise that progress is being made.
Ch3 is in the editing stage after a near total re-write. 
This seems like good background music:
That is sort of brilliant in a fridge-logic sort of way.
Evil being seeking to pierce the Veil Of Shadows and enter this world from the Void?
Simply calendar your invasion on Nightmare Night and ham it up to anypony that may discover you while you are consolidating your power and nopony will suspect you until it is too late!
Okay, the first chapter was intriguing, and now my heart is pounding! Your characterizations are very, very strong, as are your scene descriptions. I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Make sure you say Spike raised "his" head.
"You have another quotation mark in the middle of the dialogue.
Ooh, getting better...and creepier.
First two chapters Hmm love them. Very nice story I look forward to the rest of it.
Sweet interaction between Spike and Twilight. Creepy atmosphere at the castle, good job.
Ahh...the first two chapters...brings back some memories, doesn't it? Remember how originally, you didn't even get to Twilight and gang until chapter 3? I scrolled down the comments and found my old edits for the chapter, back before I took it to PMs.
I wanted to say that you were by no means the first person that I'd edited for, but you are by far my favorite. I remember that I gave you so much work to do to clean up your first two chapters, and I honestly thought that I would never hear from you again (that happens often when someone asks me for help and I give them a lot of work), but boy was I wrong! You put so much time and effort into this, and when you called me back, I was shocked. The story was almost unrecognizable! You had done a full revision, you took all of my advice and then did more. I remember getting excited then, I was finally editing for someone who was as dedicated as I was to writing! And when you asked me to be your official editor, I happily accepted. And it was a blast.
You've grown so much as a writer. When I look over your later chapters, I just sit and marvel at how far you've come, and I am honored to have been able to be there to watch you grow. I'm proud of you.
Now, make sure you finish this story. You owe it to yourself, and after all of the time and effort you've poured into this, you'd be doing yourself a great disservice to leave it incomplete. Finish it! And let me know if you need anything!
I you mention trick or treating but it's not Halloween.
🎃
11348822
Speaking of we’re getting close to another one of those aren’t we?
*puts on costume* “Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give me something sweet to bite!”
Oh darn I’m 2 months too early…
What I posted before is the same very good chapter building up to what is coming.