• Member Since 31st Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago


Applejack will always love you 'cos that's jes' how she is, sugarcube <3


Sensual Fiction with a difference! This is an exploration of the concept of second person. It's said that in a second person story, 'you' are the reader, the subject is what's depicted in the story, and yet there is indeed a second person, an unseen person, and to learn the identity of this person you must ask who is doing the telling...

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 42 )

I get it. That's actually very clever.

Mind sharing with the rest of the class?

473565 Pinkie Pie is telling the story, I think. She keeps changing what "we" are thinking somehow, with her forth wall breaking powers. And I think "we" were turned into candy at the end. And this has happened before, apparently. Okay, now I'm confused again. Oh well.

You know, I kinda see it now.
There are a couple points where Pinkie's thoughts are in "your" head.

I have an idea of what happened, but I'm not sure what I should feel about it if it's correct.

Interesting... if what I think happened just happened. I suppose there are worse fates than being absorbed (absorbed? eaten? completely innocently romanced?) by Pinkie Pie.

i have one word

Alright, I'll admit it, I snorted at the last line. And wow, this is dark as hell, and it's got a lot of subtle things. Saving 'the best' for last...

Your the best :pinkiecrazy:

If you look real close at the cover image it gives it away, too...


I respect that idea, but it's too lousy with format-conversion artifacts to be clear. ?

Given the premise, I expected this story to hammer the idea of "second person with a possibly unreliable character as narrator." There's a bit of confusion between what bits of narration are "your" thoughts vs. the "narrator" having a voice, was that your goal?

Anyway, now I'm wanting to play out a second-person narrator in a less subtle way.

Edit: Oh jesus.

Wow, okay, I had to even say it myself before I got it, but... Okay. It's legitimately creepy when it's a bait-and-switch that sits in disguise until you realize it for yourself...

Oh, if I coulda been watchin' your face... :pinkiehappy:

I think maybe I'm going to get a lot of enjoyment out of having written this one :ajsmug:

I always love your stories AJ...Trixie's Magic Bit is my favourite FiM fanfic, actually! This...really creeped me out when I got to the end, especially the last line. As did scrolling back up and opening the image file that accompanied it in a seperate window. Foreshadowiiiiing!

Anyway, as you've prob'ly guessed, I really enjoyed the story and its effect. One line was a little jarring though: "There, y'see, Pinkie, he don't want to be a burden, so we ought to respect that an' be on our..."

It seems like you avoided (either deliberately or unconciously) using pronouns for 'us' in the story, apart from that instance. As a girl, it knocked me for a loop for a moment and made it a little trickier to immerse myself in the fic; once the character was 'he', how could he be 'me'? :P I'm not sure if that was an error or this story is really aimed at the be-weinered, but I wanted to point that out and ask.

Ooo. Well spotted. And such a good point that I'm going to change it, because yes, I specifically meant to leave all cues about 'you' blank. Guess Applejack sees stallions where they don't exist? Heh. :ajsmug:

Um... You're doing that clever thing where the reader can come up with some theories, but there's not quite enough to test them, because of the unreliability of it all. Which is frustrating.

The best I can come up with is that you-character is Pinkie's somehow realized auto-erotic fantasy. But... that's not particularly dark, is it? And why are the other ponies all freaked out? Still thinking. It hurts.


"In many college English courses the words myth and symbol are given a tremendous charge of significance. You just ain't no good unless you can see a symbol hiding, like a scared gerbil, under every page. And in many creative writing courses the little beasts multiply, the place swarms with them. What does this Mean? What does that Symbolize? What is the Underlying Mythos? Kids come lurching out of such courses with a brain full of gerbils. And they sit down and write a lot of empty pomposity, under the impression that that's how Melville did it."

- Ursula K. Le Guin

I'm gonna call it. The emperor has no clothes. The hidden meaning in this story is a figment of the reader's imagination.

I don't know why I have to say this. Applejinx can write allegory - and has rightly criticized others for the exact same issue: forgetting to bring meaning.

Sooo, what is there as far as meaning? It's pretty clear that Pinkie's thoughts have leaked into the narrator. That's more of a third-person technique, but it puts you-character pretty effectively in her mind... which is where things get confusing, as they jolly well should, and its also the point where the story ends and the reader's own take begins.

And this reader has the unfortunate luck of being primed with Trixie's Magic Bit, so his theories range from "pony made of pastry," to "inexplicable Pinkie clone," to "Oh, dear Celestia, Pinkie finally tried hers - but the rating says 'T,' so that can't possibly be right." Maybe there is no answer. Maybe it's like worstwriter's obnoxious "the answer is there is no answer" punchline. It's a trap, like "this sentence is false," but for the intuition.

As I see her, Pinkie's mind is so full of possibilities, even she's not sure what's going on until it happens. I'm the proud inhabitant of such a mind, and to me, creation is a process of decision and discovery - pruning and imposing constraints only opens up more ideas. So a refusal to decide just strikes me as leaving the story unfinished. Of course there are millions of possible meanings - the art of storytelling is shopping for the one you want.

So, as an invitation to intellectual play, this is excellent. But as a story, it's quite literally undifferentiated - trying too hard to have things two ways.

Oh no no. (No relation to Trixie's Magic Bit! No changelings!) It has things two specific ways at once, and the narrator is one specific Pinkie, with one specific fanon predilection- but it ain't the one the 'you' in the story thinks it is. The others know, but they're a little outclassed. 'You' in the story will never realize the truth.

Will you?

But it's... sweet of you to think so hard about it :pinkiecrazy:

>No relation
Hedge of thought, meet gas-powered clippers. I'll let you know if anything interesting regrows.

Taking the rereads into account, this thing's at least a novel.

Holy hell, I just took a really good look at the cover image!
Reflected in her eyes!
Can't quite work out the exact details, but Sanity Slippage will ensue when I do, I have no doubt.

Okay, either:
1. This is going to be a pinkamena Diane Pie case shoetly after the fic ends.
2. By sleeping with Pinkie Pie, a Pinkamena Diane Pie case was just narrowly averted.
3. The protagonist is Pinkamena Diane Pie.

And of course, that's the trick: no pastries, it's straight-up horror and all the other ponies know it and are powerless to save you.
anemakniP labinnac si retcarahc niam eht si rotarran ehT
(though still ponyish and nice in her way! Good, uhh, tenderizing ;) )
Tactical, with his remark of "Edit: Oh jesus", clearly saw right to the heart of it (and now I've outed the secret on a sitewide blog-post)

I think my mind just broke.
So while the main characters are Pinkie Pie and the second person protagonist, neither of these are dictating the story and instead that's done by a third character who's not in it? And who is, in fact, evil!Pinkie Pie?
Now when you said "playing with the second person perspective" I wasn't expecting meta-deconstruction. Kudos to you, sir.

There is only one Pinkie Pie. :pinkiecrazy:
A narrator could be seen as inner thoughts. If they're not your own... whose, then, are they? There's nothing specifically saying they can't be the inner thoughts of the pink pony right in front of you.

"Pinkie Pie glances at you, and the amusement and playfulness in that one glance- it takes your breath away. But you'll be needing that breath for a little while longer! You have to get to Sugarcube Corner!"

"Specifically, you're trying to catch up to her, and Pinkie Pie's playfully blocking you, her tail flying high. It's like she wants you behind her, confronted with her bouncing rump. It's an awfully nice rump. You just thought that again, didn't you?"

"But you apparently don't- because Pinkie's hooked your foreleg in hers, and suddenly you're in another room. You blink, taken aback, because you only remember a sensation of hallway and stairs and suddenly there you are in another place. How did she do that? More to the point, are you pleased with her doing it?"

Not like no character has ever talked about themselves in third person (the Great and Powerful Trixie is shocked at your failure of vision! She points out that she was referring to herself in third person, in canon, before it was cool!)

So, the Pinkie Pie if front of "us" is the narrator, and because "we're" a featureless relatable character, some of her thoughts are leaking into us?
And then this goes Cupcakes for no reason?

But that doesn't break my mind at all! It's like Pinkie Pie's just romancing herself, followed by Cupcakes. With herself. Except one of me might be male.
Okay, I could've sworn I wrote "her" and not "me" just then. That is actually scary.


Nah, you're so second person that you're just the reader. The one telling you your every thought... like a story... is... :pinkiehappy:

Wow, I didn't even get that bit, until reading it again now. I got what Pinkie had done...but not that she was using her 4th wall breaking skills to alter our thoughts. I found the line 'Maybe that's none of your business' especially chilling now.

It's meant to be :pinkiecrazy:
And thank you- that was perhaps the best line of the whole story, for those who figure out who's doing the telling :pinkiesad2:



I don't get it. Am I food? Am I dead? Can I be a zombie?

"Your 'the best'," she breathes, softly.




No no. That is grammatically correct, and completely intentional, though it is a sentence fragment that contains a term used as a quote.

If something is HIS 'the best', what is HER 'the best'?

Ohh. Now I feel dumb.

So you feel how you are!


Don't feel dumb- this story was the sneakiest thing I ever wrote :ajsmug:

I've been meaning to read this story for weeks. I'm a huge fan of second person stories.

Your also a huge fan of sucking d--


the plot blocking was pretty funny and "the heart with the line and the dot"
genius :pinkiehappy::heart:

...Oh, that's bloody clever!

Wait a second...

Did Pinkie just ABSORB ME?

My brain hurts and no one, myself included, has an exact idea of what is going on in this story, I'm out. Still, glad I read this though.

6337386 Read through the comments looking for my backwards sentence if you want the answer :pinkiehappy:

And don't fret. It's probably the most intentionally tricky thing I ever wrote :pinkiecrazy:

6337782 I did, but the multiple interpretations make it more confusing, though yours, as the author, is the most sensible. It's also quite dark as well, and touches on the impliu of Author Authority.

Fear the herd of voices in my head the seem like one.

I wake up.

My thoughts exactly!:ajsleepy::applejackunsure:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!