• Member Since 21st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen June 2nd

Eakin


Comments ( 60 )

Saw Forbidden Melodies and the picture basically injected this story directly into my brain. Enjoy!

Well, that was incredibly depressing.
That isn't to say that this was a bad story, but man, that Dark tag needs varying levels of intensity.
In related news, I finally learned the proper phrase for, "People like my shitty work, but don't care about my invested heart and soul".

Hmm. Interesting. I rather liked how you looked at how the artist must feel upon 'selling out', at producing easily consumed garbage simply to make a buck.

It struck me as strange, however, that she thinks attaining what was lost is impossible; still, depression sucks, and you really don't think clearly while in the middle of it, so that is a spot of brilliance I missed on my first pass.

All in all, rather good. Dunno about the murderous impulses, but the suicidal ones are rather well constructed.

Phew. You got me thinking, Eakin: do others in our world feel the same? Does JB feel like that about Baby? Or Billy Rae about Achy Breaky Heart? Others?

You were really forcing that kill yourself mentality though. The story did get me thinking, but at the same time it really felt like Octy was being an over the top drama queen. I think if this had been longer (perhaps a memory flashback of her Arpeggio Destructio making her famous, the initial excitement of it followed by slow resentment of her other works being ignored), I'd have sympathised with her a lot more. Perhaps you could have given us a short description of her "true" masterpiece, perhaps had her whip out the cello and play it mournfully to herself before having her at the end choice.

Leaving the ending ambiguous is a move I can always appreciate, though. Good job. You get a like from me this time, but not my fav.

Been there, did that, survived and re-invented new meaning for myself. (No t-shirt though.)

I like how that voice -your voice and you know it- interrupts her normal thoughts.
That's pretty much exactly how that specific sensation feels.

Eakin #7 · Sep 11th, 2014 · · 1 ·

4985314
4985321
It was definitely a fast and sloppy story. Certainly possible that it would benefit from being developed further, but I worry that the central 'gimmick' (the whole thing with the intrusive suicidal/violent thoughts) would wear thin.

4985346
No T-shirt? God, then why would I even bother not killing myself?

Goodness gracious, that was dark.

Wow. A very effective atmospheric piece, and the ambiguous ending was the perfect sucker punch to go out on.

I know what I think happened, and what I hope happened, but Octavia will be forever trapped there, glass pressed to her lips. Her choice is made, and it is not for us to know.
She is Schrodinger's Cellist.

4985432
Her dying probably fits the mood of the story better, but I like to think she found the strength to pull through.

4985321 a simple look at JB's actions show he holds no remorse for anything he does

I had two authors I'm following release oneshots with Dark as the only tag and only one character tag 10 minutes apart...

This was quite depressing.
But well written though!

4985321
If Billy Rae feels bad for anything its Miley...

*Adren gives an internet to 4985586*

4985457 If that's the choice she made, not to do it, then she better be ready to make ot over and over again. Sometimes against worse odds. :unsuresweetie:

Definitely dark. I hope none of this is autobiographical.

Wanderer D
Moderator

I have a lot to say about this story... it deserves better than my phone though.

4985622

Seconded. Us fans know you're more than just Hard Reset.

Main Course, Azalea, and Ebby all came after. Not to mention the guest chapter in Cheerilee's Thousand, the only Owlowiscious x Philomena shipfic I've ever read, and the pogniantly disturbing No Good Answers.

Wow, what an ending! I'm crying but I don't know if it's sad or happy crying. Really love this story :heart:

4985622
4985851
Luckily, the biggest problem I have is liking my own Magnum Opus too much for my own good. Hence writing four sequels centered around it.

4985916
I'll give you that this and I Can Wait lean a bit more towards the Sad/Dark side of the spectrum. And obviously Cloudy is in a pretty miserable place recently with Changing Lives. Other than that, though, I'd say I've been all over the map in terms of subjects. I haven't dipped back into the deep end of whatever it was got me to write Reign, for example.

Still, fair's fair. I'll just have to write a bit more comedy or some sappy romance this weekend. :twilightsmile:

Fitting music.

4985851 Hard Reset isn't even my favorite Eakin story. I liked What Dreams May Come. That's right, I was into Eakin before it was cool. :twistnerd:

4985985
Fair enough, no harm in being mindful of it, certainly.

Thinking back on the darker stuff I've put out, I think part of what appeals to me is the challenge of writing a narrator who's, well, somehow off mentally. Twilight's gradual descent into madness in Reign, for example, or the very obvious delusions that Octavia and Dash are dealing with in their respective stories. I don't know; I feel like there's a lot of mileage that can be wrung from exploiting that difference between what the character perceives and what the reader can infer to be the real case by the context.

4986001
Ha! Now there's a story I haven't thought about for a long time. I guess I've been doing the ambiguous ending thing for a while now.

This was good.
Feel like ive read this before though.

Lol this story has the same picture as the other story that is featured now XD

Well that was... brutal.

Incredibly brutal.

I imagine every one of you as miserable as I am. I twist your necks until I hear the sharp, wet snap of your bones breaking. And just for a second, I imagine I can feel whatever happiness is, just for a moment. If only because I’ve ended your misery. You’re welcome.

I had to stop reading here and go off and write some stupid comedy stuff for a while before coming back to the rest of it.

You know what? I think I'd prefer it if Octavia whined rather than wined. Just... talk to someone. Damn, though, it's hard when you don't feel like you have anyone to talk to. Even worse when you know that talking to people about this stuff just pushes them away.

Not your most well-written fic, you've done a lot that I prefer stylistically speaking, but it's by no means bad. It's awful but it's not bad.

Well, when I read that blog, I knew I had to read this story. Luckily, I could still get to it. Huzzah!

It... wasn't so bad. It's gloomy, sure. And I can grasp what she's dealing with on some level. But I expected something far more vicious or even positive of suicide. I mean, Octy's clearly in pain, and irrational. It in no way paints her death as something that really should be done.

I don't think it would have baited me into suicide or anything else. And short of having the exact same problem as Octy, here, with hatred of one's own success, and... um... impulse control issues, I don't really think it's a huge risk.

Admittedly, my own note-writing, scalpel-purchasing days are years behind me now, and good riddance. Having one's life saved by someone randomly coming home early is chilling, in retrospect. But even at my worst, I doubt this would have driven me onward. Hell, I think my impulse would have been to tell Octavia to fuck right off, not mimic her. For delighting in the urge to take it out on people. For having the luxury I would have killed for, of having use and purpose and no reason for shame. And I think that's part of it too. Octy has a lot to live for, and potentially a good life. But her own depression or sense of self-depreciation robs of her of it. And that's pretty clear. Even a depressed-unto-suicide person would probably call this tragic, and a waste.

It's just a dark, sad story. I don't at all think it had to come down.
But it's your call, of course!

This was intense, to say the least, I'm glad I had the chance to read it before it was taken down. While I understand your reasoning for doing so, this story was still brilliantly written.

It really sucks that this is how depression works. I'm very lucky in the sense I can fight it from sadness to complete and utter apathy most days, and the days I can't I have so many wonderful friends to drag me back onto my feet.

The worst part is people really don't understand that it is really as bad as this. You can be in a situation others would literally kill to be in, on top of the world, popular and surrounded by fans, and still not want to get out of bed in the morning.

I liked this. It was a nice little look into someone who was depressed.

I liked this. It was a nice little look into someone who was depressed.

That was awesome!

Ok, not too bad. Kinda thought it was going to a lot more depressing but over all, I think I got more depressed reading Asylum. Defiantly not a favorite but not as bad as I had been expecting.

Crikey, that hits a little too close to home. :pinkiesad2:


Therefore I choose to interpret the story as "being a cellist is the most soul crushing career possible, even if you somehow become famous for it in a wonderful magical world with unicorns and doctors that prescribe the good stuff." There, now it is much harder to relate to.

4985590
Whats an Adren? If your okay with me asking

So, Octavia as a grown up, burnt-out child prodigy? And one that loathes her own work?
This fic was stomach-churning, especially considering that I have had plenty of willingness to end it all myself.
Good work.

4985378
It's sad you unlisted this when it's the most accurate portrayal of depression and those damn intrusive thoughts that I've read. They come unbidden, refuse to leave, and won't shut up about things a good person would not be thinking about. It's funny how easily you can tell those who understand from the ones who think they do, who only know depression from poor media accounts.

You did a good job with a very difficult subject, and while I understand your mom's concern, I think this is helpful in an educational sense. There is no promotion here, only what is.

5063652
Yeah, I waffle back and forth on whether it was appropriate to post. I took it down completely for a while, then decided to just leave it up but unlisted. A bit wishy-washy, but that way people who really search it out can find it reasonably easily.

5065572
Again, from someone who knows, I'd say it's frank, harsh, raw, and utterly appropriate to post. I've seen shit written about depression that makes those people who write about sex and obviously have no idea wtf they are talking about sound like Casanovas.

5065581
Yeah. It's weirdly comforting to know that so many other people have same sort of things happening to them. Or even better to hear that they overcame it.

I'm glad you did decide to let this out there, and that I just happened to stumble upon it.

>you have to wear the mask, maintain appearances and not let others know something's wrong so as to not be a burden and/or violate normalcy
>If you fake and lie about being okay, it might, maybe one day, become true
And others. This feels so honest. It's not pretty, it's not reasonable, it's brutal and it's honest. There's no glorification of suicide or gross misrepresentation of depression here, it's just a day in the life of a sick, broken person pony. I had to go and see if there was a slice of life tag while writing this. Indeed, rightfully so. I can't comment much on the intrusive thoughts, mine never got quite that bad. And sadly the namesake pain of an artist is something I can't completely relate to. Those aside... yeah, I feel honest is the best word here.

The cold bit straight through her coat, and it felt awful. It felt amazing. She stopped, there in the alley behind the theatre, and let the pain sink further in. It felt... well, wasn’t that enough? It felt, in contrast to the room full of ponies who wanted to shower praise on her for coming up with the most most vacuous and empty combination of sounds that had ever existed.

It felt.

If not for the following, this would probably be my favourite part of this. Once, I simply could not understand why anyone would hurt themselves on purpose. These days, I think I have an idea. The transition in thought from awful to amazing to just feeling, well, just feels right. It's one of those things that make this story feel more real to me.

"Help me"

I've been sitting here for a while, trying to put to words how strongly this made me feel. Maybe there's projection, maybe it's just me, I don't know, but to me those two words, and the scene around it, were the single most powerful part of the story. It's just that I feel there's a lot behind those words...

Thanks, Eakin. I hope you are well.

Everything about this story hits so close to home... there's no theatrics, no exaggeration, just honest feeling. Thank you, Eakin, and may you never feel this bad again.

If people like your "bad" music better than your "good" music, then guess what? It's not bad music!
Good music can be simple, repetitive, and easy to play. If it wasn't, the audience for a musical performance would be perhaps a half-dozen people out of a city of thousands, and there would be no dancing anywhere.
The dissonance here was in Octavia refusing to accept her audience's opinion of her work.

"After a long day, Octavia goes home and pours herself a stiff drink."

You're sick.

I love it! :pinkiehappy:

Whew, I was slowly getting the feeling that this was actually a metafic/projection (it happens often enough to be worrisome), but I'm very happy that doesn't seem to be the case.

All in all I think it was a pretty good piece. It could certainly use some polishing and probably a bit of padding, but the core emotional effect behind the story is strong and it's very easy to empathize with Octavia's plight.

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