Whose Line: MLP

by Harbinger Of Mist

Remembrance/Veterans Day Special Part 1: Helping Hooves

Author's Note:

In honour of the soldiers of yore and the soldiers of today, I present a 3-part special starring 4 chosen individuals from FOBEquestria.

They were not informed ahead of time, this is a (hopefully pleasant) surprise for a certain group of bronies whom I believe deserve more recognition.

Hey welcome back to Whose Line is it anyway! And uh... As you may have noticed, we have ourselves a group of spies among our midst, so... Can we play the intro theme again? *Music plays* Thank you!

Representing the US navy, his name is a bold-faced lie, Black Gryphon!

Representing the US army, South Park is too scared to sue, Tweak!

Representing the US marine corps, all that running is so he can escape his marefriend, Firebrand!

And representing the US air force, a former fillysitter of the royal sisters, Silvermane!

Aaaand cut! *Music stops* Now these four gentlecolts are here to take the place of our main actors for a few games so--

So Star can keep rutting the princess?

*Leans over and whispers into Tweak's ear*

I know very well that it's a running gag. Why don't get a sense of humour and play along?

It's not even a good joke!

You're not a good joke!

Cheese.

*Audience laughs*

Had to say something to get the focus off you brats.

Oh! Let me try! Marmalade!

*Audience giggles*

There are some words that need a certain tone with them. Try it like this: MMMMmmmAAaarrmalaaaaaa-de.

*Audience laughs awkwardly*

You guys are no fun.

Canada!

*Audience laughs*

Hey!

Okay. If you are all situated, let's move onto a game called... "Helping Hooves". In this game, Silvermane will be acting out the part of a newly-hired fillysitter.

Well, who and what else? I've been doing it since the dawn of time.

Haha. Aaaand Tweak is going to be the mother of the baby standing behind this table full of appropriate items explaining to Silvermane how to do the job. Because Luna knows he needs to be reminded every now and then with his age.

I did forget to take my Daemitol this morning.

Hahaha! How ironic. *ahem* But Tweak cannot use his front hooves. Instead he will have Firebrand standing behind him providing his hooves for the scene.

*Walks over and grabs Gryphon* C'mere, Brandy.

Oh! So army soldiers ARE scared of marines!

*Pushes Gryphon back to his seat* Fine, get behind me.

Not until after you treat me to dinner.

I'll happily spoon-feed you whatever's left on this table after we're done.

But when will we have time for the scene?

Can we GET to the scene?! Silvermane, stand to the side. Tweak, put on the apron. Firebrand... behave. Now, whenever you're ready, take it away.

---

Tweak, the mother of a young infant filly, had just hired Silvermane to look after her little bundle of joy while she was out with friends for the night. Although he was fully qualified for the job, she felt the need to review some of the basic tasks to insure her filly's safety.

They were both standing at the kitchen table with all the materials that Silvermane would need. "Thank you ever so much for coming over to help." Tweak said in delight. "It can be so troubling to find a fillysitter these days. You wouldn't believe how many ponies said 'no'."

"Oh, it's no problem at all." Silvermane replied. "I look after my 3 nephews once a month. I know how to handle mischief." As if on cue, a milk bottle toppled over the side of the table down to the floor. Silvermane used his fine-toned reflexes to catch it in mid-air and place it back on top. "...Like I said."

"I am terribly sorry about that." Tweak remarked. "I didn't want to include this in the want ad for fear of scaring off more potential sitters, but my child is what we may call 'special'. She sometimes has these sparks that she can't control, and things just spontaneously move on their own."

"Aw, be proud of that." Silvermane quipped. "It's merely a sign that she'll be a great sorceress one day."

"Thank you." She picks up the bottle that had previously fallen. "But anyway, you know how to feed milk to a baby, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, it's not enough to just spritz some on your knee to test the temperature." She demonstrates the aforementioned technique. "For my child... I always like to taste-test it first." She tips the bottle towards her mouth and begins to take a sip. She then jerks it up and appeared to try to forcefully shove the entire nozzle into her mouth. Milk was leaking out of the corner of her mouth as started to sputter and show resistance to her own action.

Tweak brings the bottle back down to the table and starts coughing and spitting with milk dripping down her chin. "Oh, that's right!" She states between her gasps. "I'm feeding her formula instead. Nice and warm too."

Silvermane asks, "are you okay?"

"Oh, it's nothing a mother can't handle." She continues with her overview by clumsily patting her front hooves all over the table until she picks up a can of baby food and a tiny plastic spoon. "Now, you'll have to feed her dinner while I'm gone. This should be fairly simple. Put on her bib, sit her down in her chair, and take little spoonfuls nice and slowly." She unscrews the can of food and scoops up a tiny pile of the nutritious mush. "Now I have a very specific procedure on how to feed her, or else she just won't eat." She starts waving the spoon around and making airplane noises.

"Not the first time I've seen that." Silvermane remarked.

Tweak suddenly flicks the spoon and the food lands just between his nostrils.

"That on the other hoof..."

"Oh, I told you she was special. She is a very fickle eater, and a much better catch than I am." Tweak licks the food off of his mug and swallows it. "As long as you do it from about 6 inches away from her face, she'll get it every time. No mess even." She angles the rest of the can toward her and the rest of the food launches out like a cannon and splatters all over her apron. "Sometimes, when her magic does that, she'll have to be cradled so she can lick it off your chest." She swipes and takes a small hoof-ful and offers it to Silvermane. "Want to try some?"

"Uhhhh-Uh I'm good, thank you." He stutters.

"Well--" Tweak brings her hoof up to her mouth and licks it clean. "I say we move onto diaper changing." She continues as she wipes her hoof furiously all over her shoulder to dry it off. "Naturally, one of the parts that nopony looks forward to when tending to an infant. But nonetheless, someone has to do it."

"I have changed diapers before, but I suspect you have a certain trick to that as well?" Silvermane inquired.

"But of course!" Tweak picks up the diaper and opens it up. "Now listen closely. You need to--" She was cut off by the diaper flying up and wrapping itself around her mouth and nose. She ignores it and proceeds to mumble out her instructions while miming to indicate tossing, wiping, and sprinkling the powder. She finishes by sticking the small straps at the ends of the diaper together whilst still on her mug. She removes it all done up and presents it and drops it on the table. "...And zippity doo-da, she's ready to crap again in twenty minutes."

The bewildered Silvermane tried to speak up. "Uhhh... There is a point where I need to apply a dash of powder?"

Tweak picks up the nearby can. "Yes. Before taping up the diaper, you need just two small dashes." She demonstrates the proper amount in the first dash by tipping it down toward her other hoof. But for the second dash, she forcefully dumps the rest of the can all over her apron. The slotted lid rolled across the floor and the two of them started to cough when engulfed in a cloud of white dust.

BZZZZZZZZZTTTT!!!

---

Tsk tsk tsk... Are things like this all the time with you guys?

Just these two.

Yeah, they like to butt more than just heads. It's a barrel of laughs for the rest of us, fortunately.

Does the cleaning crew have anything for me to fumigate my hoof after Tweak slobbered all over it?

Count your blessings. If that apron didn't keep me clean, your clock would be.

I would like to know if Firebrand actually got the memo about "no magic". Thankfully, it didn't detract from the scene.

A good comedian finds the line and intentionally crosses it.

Well, you got a bit of that right.

Hmhm... I wonder how long he'll be pondering that.

Anyway, we'll be right back, everyone. Don't go away!

Comments

[Europa]

Can't say I know anything about FOBE, but that was still humorous.

[KarmaDash]

This is brilliant

[Nightspawn]

Representing the US navy, his name is a bold-faced lie, Black Gryphon!

This is funny to me, because He's been on the Hooves Line pannel at Bronycon, The reason I'm reading this fic...