Taste the Meat, Not the Heat
Celestia's sun rays shone over the "peaceful" town of Ponyville. Most ponies did not consider it peaceful, thanks to past attacks from Nightmare Moon and Tirek. The townsponies were busy doing their daily work. However, one rainbow-maned pegasus was doing something else.
Rainbow Dash idly held a newspaper on her hooves are she laid down on a cloud. She let out a bored sigh as she turned the page. Suddenly, her eyes widen when she stared at an advertisement in the Help Wanted section.
HELP WANTED
STRICKLAND PROPANE
NIGHT GUARD NEEDED FOR FIVE NIGHTS
NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED
NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR INJURIES OR DEATHS
50 BITS PER NIGHT
"That many bits?!" Rainbow Dash nearly shouted. "Awesome!" She had heard about Strickland Propane. Everypony in Ponyville knew what that was.
Strickland Propane was founded by a human named Hank Hill. Hank was a human who somehow found his way into Equestria. He arrived with his three human friends, Dale Gribble, Bill Dauterive, and Jeff Boomhauer. Dale was known for his conspiracy theories and his unique breed of insanity. He was also a trained exterminator and an expert in finding information. Bill was a sad and obese man back on Earth. However, when he arrived in Equestria, he suddenly became happy and adjusted very well there. If there was one thing that mares fell for, it was Boomhauer. Despite the fact that he almost speaks gibberish, every female fell in love with the chick magnet. Unfortunately, this made him the one of the least favorite of the stallions, especially the married ones.
Hank decided to open up a store that sells propane and propane accessories, since he made a living selling propane and propane accessories. Dale couldn't be an exterminator, since there was a yellow pegasus who adored animals too much, so he worked at the store as well. Bill didn't want to cut haircut, since it isn't the same when you're not cutting hair for America, so he found work at the propane store. Boomhauer also worked there, since he didn't find much work as a Texas Ranger in Equestria.
Hank named the store Strickland Propane, after the propane store he worked at back at Earth. It became popular in Ponyville, because of the many uses that propane has. It warmed ponies' homes, it helped them cook food, and it was a reliable source of fuel. Despite its short time in business, it had become successful, thanks to Hank's professional skill of running a business. It even gained a small employment of ponies as time passed.
However, since humans aged faster than ponies, Hank and his friends eventually died of old age. Many ponies were heartbroken. They even held a funeral with the four princesses present. Other ponies feared that Strickland Propane would be out of business. But, their problems were solved when pony scientists mastered animatronics. So now, robot versions of Hank and his friends now operated Strickland Propane, along with the pony employees.
Rainbow Dash smiled triumphantly. A simple night job and an excellent pay. How can she refuse?
Rainbow Dash looked at her watch. It was about 6 PM. She stared over to Strickland Propane, which stood right in front of her. It sure hadn't changed a bit. There was just one building where they sold the propane, kept their records, and where the offices were. Outside is where they kept the propane tanks and the the propane itself, stored in large storage tanks. There were also propane trucks, used to transport propane whenever needed. Due to various reasons, Hank and his friends were the only ones who can drive the trucks. In front of the supplier store was a giant storage tank, the word STRICKLAND was painted vertically on the tank.
Rainbow Dash walked inside and observed what the store looked like. It was crowded with ponies, some were observing the grills that the store sold, others walked out of the store with propane tanks on their backs. What stood out the most was Hank and his friends. They were all wearing brown pants and a light blue shirt that had a flame symbol near the shirt pocket. With the exception of Dale, they had light blue caps on their heads that has the same flame symbol from the shirt. Hank had brown hair and had his signature glasses on. Bill was fat and bald, the shirt almost fitted him. Boomhauer had a slick yellowish hair and tanned skin. Dale was rarely seen without his glasses and wore an orange cap.
Rainbow Dash walked up to the Boomhauer. After she had stopped herself from blushing when she caught herself staring at Boomhauer, she spoke up, "Um, excuse me? Where do I find the main office?"
Boomhauer smiled and replied, "I tell ya what man-dang ol'-take a dang ol' left and then keep on goin', keep on goin', don't stop, believe in yourself man, than take a dang ol' right, you hit the goddang jackpot baby, I tell ya what man, yo."
As Rainbow Dash stared at Boomhauer with confusion, Bill walked up to her and said, "Take a left, keep on going until you see a door on your right. There's the office."
As Rainbow thanked Bill, she eventually went to the office. There she saw a orange stallion sitting at his desk.
"You're here for the night job?" He asked as he shook hand and hoof with Rainbow Dash.
"How'd ya know?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Lucky guess. Listen, I gotta go. If you wanna learn more, just turn on that answering machine." He said as he pointed at a nearby an answering machine. "It was from the previous night guard. When you're done, write your name in that night guard sign up sheet on your way out."
As the stallion left his office, Rainbow Dash stared at the answering machine. As she turned it on, she heard a mare's voice on it.
"So you're the new night guard, eh?" The pony said in a bored tone in her voice, "Alright, let me run some ground rules. You are not allowed to leave your office from midnight to 6 AM. Also, just to let you know, these guys are allowed to roam around the store. Has something to do with their servo motors, I dunno. They can't roam in the day, since one time, when they did that, they almost blew up a barn. Had to do something with installing a propane heater. Once again, I don't know. Oh, and don't let them find you. Don't worry, they're not gonna stick you in an animatronic suit. You see, during late night, they refuel themselves with propane. Ironic, right? So, if they see you, they'll think you're one of them, they'll fuel you up, and I think that's supposed to kill you. I said it once, and I'll say it again, I dunno."
Rainbow looked alarmed. Killed? She was starting to wonder if this is worth it.
"Oh, and that pay? It was a typo. It was meant to be doubled."
She immediately flew to the night guard sign up sheet and wrote her name in it.
Rainbow Dash idly sat at her chair in her office. Her office was smelly, with a hint of blood, which crept her out. The only light source of this dark room was a light bulb on the ceiling. Occasionally, it would die out, but the light would come back. In front of her was a television and some camera controls, including a flashing red and button button. Other than an empty shelve, a table where the security equipment is on, and a chair for her to use, the room was neat and not messy. In front of her was a television and some camera controls. She wore a night guard cap and had a blue shirt on. Using the controls, she switched to the camera outside, where she saw Dale smoking a cigarette and talking to himself.
"1000 years old and they look 23 years old. I bet those two princesses are aliens. Aliens from another colony, waiting to take over the world! What I don't get is how Cadance is the right age, and yet she is their niece. Maybe it's like that alien thing with Joseph and Nancy!!!"
"Yup." Rainbow Dash muttered. "A conspiracy."
She switched to a camera in the break room, where she saw Bill happily getting a frozen vegetarian pizza from the fridge and placing it inside the microwave. After setting up the minutes and some patient waiting, he carefully took out the pizza and placed it on a paper plate. Without using any hands, he ate the entire pizza with his mouth.
Rainbow Dash looked disgusted. "Eww. I thought these robots couldn't eat."
She switched the camera to the bathroom. She saw Boomhauer taking of his shirt and placing it on the sink. Wetting some paper towels, he cleaned his chest and back while singing to himself.
"My name is Boomhauer, yo!
And I'm dang ol' here to say, I tell ya what!
I'm gonna smile and dang ol' women here.
It doesn't matter how, goddamn!
If you're sad or sexy, howdy!
Dang old grin, yup!
Dang old beam, hmm mmm!
You are Boomhauer's dream, I sell propane!"
Rainbow Dash switched to another camera to the entrance before she started to drool over Boomhauer. However, to her surprise, she saw Hank staring at the camera. She didn't know why, but she felt a chill in her spine as she saw Hank's emotionless stare.
She changed the camera to outside. However, she didn't see Dale where she had last seen him. The only thing she saw was the cigarette he was smoking, now on the ground, still lit. Rainbow Dash gulped. She wondered where he could be.
"PEGASUS!"
Rainbow Dash's eyes widen as she turned around. To her horror, she saw Dale standing by her doorway, a murderous grin on his face.
"I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DISSECT A PEGASUS AND REPLACE THE BLOOD WITH ROOT BEER!!!" He shrieked as his robotic voice box seemed to crackle with static as the gears in his jaw made a ticking sound whenever he talked.
She immediately slammed her hoof on the flashing red button to her left. The red door immediately closed, separating Dale from Rainbow Dash. Dale flinched as the door shut. He immediately let out a sheepish grin through the door window.
"Alright. I'm not gonna dissect you. I was joking. Sorry. I was just kidding. I just wanted to refuel you with propane." He replied nervously, the gears ticking and the voice box still has the static.
"Go away." Rainbow Dash muttered as her body started to shake lightly.
"MAKE ME." Dale growled as he gave out a killer scowl.
"Um..." Rainbow Dash replied, "You left your cigarette outside?"
To her relief, Dale gasped as he grabbed his hair with both of his hands. "MY SMOOOOOOKES!!!"
He immediately retreated, leaving behind his screams as he ran outside. Rainbow Dash let out a big relieved sigh as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. The worst was over.
"DANG OL' RAINBOW MANED PONY!!!"
She let out a small scream as she pressed on the blue button to her right. Immediately, the blue door quickly closed. She stared at Bill and Boomhauer, who were outside the door.
"I guess we shoulda got the pony when we had the chance, huh Boomhauer?" Bill said. His voice box and jaw gears were in the same condition as Dale's
"Dang ol' open the dang ol' door, I tell ya what. Tick tock tick tock damn, yo. OPEN THE DANG OL' DOOR! REFUELING TIME, I TELL YA WHAT!!!" Boomhauer yelled with a smile to Rainbow Dash. Thanks to his gibberish talking, his voice box does more static and his jaw gears does more ticking and squeaking.
Rainbow Dash thought for a while about Boomhauer's weakpoint.
"Hey Boomhauer! I saw Rarity in the break room!"
Boomhauer left Bill with a big smile on his face. Bill stared at Boomhauer and then at Rainbow Dash.
"I like it when I do things with my friends instead of myself." Bill sadly mumbled as he slowly left.
Rainbow Dash couldn't help but to feel a little bit pity for-
"BUT WHEN THAT TIME COMES!!!!" Bill barked as he pressed his face on the door window, "I'LL REFUEL YOU WITH SO MUCH PROPANE, YOU'LL BURST!!!!"
Rainbow Dash's eyes widen as soon as he yelled that statement. As he quickly left, Rainbow Dash just stared at the door, her hooves still shaking and her heart still beating furiously.
"There goes my pity for Bill. Then again, he's just a robo-" She gasped loudly. "Hank!"
She quickly switched the camera to the hallway of her office. To her horror, she saw Hank Hill calmly walking towards her office. However, he immediately stopped and slowly tilted his head towards at the camera. As he emotionally stared at the camera, he took out a purple keycard from his shirt pocket. As Rainbow Dash wondered what that keycard was, Hank spoke.
"This keycard opens the blue and red door in your office. Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer can't use this keycard. Only I can. You can't close those doors forever. You can't keep your fancy cameras at me all the time. I WILL FIND YOU. I WILL GET YOU. I WILL REFUEL YOU WITH CLEAN AND EFFICIENT PROPANE. MY NAME IS HANK HILL, AND I SELL PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES." He said. His voice box and jaw gears were in surprisingly good condition.
He walked away from the hallway. Rainbow Dash gulped, since she knew that Hank was right. The doors wasted energy when they were kept shut. If energy runs out, the doors stay open for a while. Not all the cameras can watch all of the robots.
She let out a fear-induced gulp. She wondered if this was all worth it for all those bits. She spent the rest of the night keeping watch of the robots. It wasn't that hard, since now most of the robots just stood around, walking around, doing nothing. Hank Hill, however, just spent most of his time staring at the cameras, much to Rainbow's fear.
Eventually, the first night had ended.
Rainbow Dash nervously sipped her coffee as she stared at the television screen. Tonight was her second night as the night guard. Thankfully, she spotted Hank Hill wiping propane tanks. He didn't seem to notice Rainbow Dash's presence. However, she had no idea where the rest had gone to.
Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer hid inside the supply closet with the lights off. The only source of light was from the lit cigarette in Dale’s mouth. Boomhauer had a disgusted look on his face as he watched Bill stuff an apple pie on his face.
"Damn man, how can you goddang eat that dang ol' crap like a dang ol' birdie man, dang ol' fore, I tell ya what." Boomhauer mumbled as he looked away from Bill.
"It's apple pie." Bill spoke as crumbs flew out of his mouth. "It's my favorite, along with other kinds of pies."
"Guys." Dale interrupted, "Can we please focus on that pegasus that obviously needs refueling? Alright. I have a plan. Bill, distract Hank. Boomhauer, steal ALL of the propane. I'll do the negotiating. No one can refuse that much propane. She'll BEG us to refuel her."
"Damnit Gribble man." Boomhauer said with an angry look on his face. "You are the stupidest dang ol' man times square yo. Here's what we dang ol' really gonna do man, yo. Bill, dang ol' distract Rainbow Dash. I dang ol' get to the door. Make her close the damn door and distraction yo. Gribble, you fast like that dang ol' pirate fox, I tell ya what. Run to door after that man. Refuel her, the end."
Dale bursted with laughter as he pointed at Boomhauer. "That is the stupidest plan I ever heard! However, we'll put it to a vote. All in favor of Boomhauer's so-called plan, raise your hand."
Bill and Boomhauer raised their hands after Dale raised his hand.
"I won't lie," Dale said as he stared at his hand, which is still in the air, "I'm a bit surprised by the results."
Rainbow Dash bit into the hay burger she had made for the night shift. One of the things that she was thankful for was that when it was 6:00 AM, the robots immediately forget about the refueling incident and even treated her as a customer. However, when it reached midnight, they became their homicidal selves.
As she checked the cameras, she was surprised that Boomhauer was wiping tanks and Dale was sleeping on a desk. Dale was literally sleeping on top of the desk, snoring loudly. However, she noticed Bill walked in the room and let out an obviously fake yawn.
"Gee, I'm tired." Bill spoke out loud. "I think I'm gonna go...to the break room...to plan. About that pegasus. That needs refueling. With propane. Yeah."
Rainbow Dash became confused as Bill happily whistled his way into the break room. She switched the camera to the break room.
Realizing that the coast was clear, Dale stopped snoring and jumped out of the desk. He went outside, where he saw Boomhauer leaning on a wall.
"She took the bait." Dale replied with a grin. Boomhauer nodded as he walked inside the store.
Rainbow Dash watched Bill walk into the break room. There he sat down on one of the chairs.
"Let's see. How should we capture that pony?" Bill wondered as he put his hand on his head, scratching it lightly.
Bill froze. "What do I do now?" He whispered quietly. "I don't know what to say up to this point."
He stared at the camera and then cleared his throat. "I guess I should be a distraction so that Boomhauer can distract the pony so that Dale can capture the pon-Crap."
Rainbow Dash's eyes widen as she slammed both of her hooves on the red and blue buttons. Both doors closed quickly, creating a groan from both Dale and Boomhauer, who were outside her office.
"Damn it!" Dale yelled as he threw his hat on the ground. "Bill! You just HAD to blurt out the plan!"
"It's not my fault!" Bill yelled as he ran up to Dale and Boomhauer. "You didn't tell me the fake plan!"
"What dang ol' fake plan?!" Boomhauer hissed.
"You know, a fake plan so that the pony could think we're doing that so that she doesn't know that we're doing another plan!" Bill shouted back.
"Nice going Bill!" Dale shouted, "You just had to say that with the pegasus over there!" He pointed to Rainbow Dash, who just stood there.
"Now we can't dang ol' plan that similar plan, damnit yo, I tell ya what!"
"Screw you!" Bill roared as he jumped on top of Boomhauer. Dale shrugged and jumped on top of the two. Rainbow Dash just stared at the three who were fighting each other.
"At least they forgot about me." She said with a hint of calmness.
"WHEN I'M DONE DEALING WITH YOU!!!" Dale screamed. "I'M REFUELING THAT STUPID PEGASUS!!!"
"Never mind." She said, her fear being rebooted.
She turned back to the camera and switched it to outside, where she saw Hank calmly wiping tanks. He stopped for a moment to stare back at the camera before continuing to wipe the tanks. Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.
"What's he planning this time?" She wondered to herself as Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer still continued to fight each other. Thankfully, the rest of the night composed of Rainbow Dash's heart beating, the robots trying to get inside, robots still arguing about their failed plan, and Hank suspiciously cleaning propane tanks.
Eventually, the second night had ended.
Rainbow Dash switched the camera to the break room, where she saw Bill happily eating a muffin while drinking beer. Despite her calm appearance, Rainbow Dash was full of stress and fear inside. Her hooves were shaking and her mane slowly turned into a light mess.
"Maybe if I eat something," she said to herself, "It could calm me down a bit."
She grabbed her lunch box and opened it, only seeing some lint and a half-empty water bottle. Seeing this sight made Rainbow Dash's stomach grumble.
"Rats," she whimpered as she held her stomach, "I forgot to pack something to eat."
Her stomach growled loudly, causing Rainbow Dash's right eye to twitch. As she stared at the television, she saw Bill finish the muffin and walk up to the fridge, opening it.
"Let's see what we got here." Bill calmly said as he peeked inside of the fridge. "Fruit, salad, fruit salad, beer, a double hay burger...Oh! Dibs on that chocolate cake."
The mention of a double hay burger made Rainbow Dash's ears perk up. She immediately left her office carefully and quietly, praying that the other robots won't notice her.
She reached to the break room and saw a sleeping Bill. His head was on top of the table, next to the half-eaten cake. She tip-toed to the fridge and opened it slowly, taking the hay burger.
"Huh, wha?"
Bill lifted up his head and turned around. After that, he just shrugged and went back to sleep. Rainbow Dash let out a relieved sigh inside one of the cabinets. Her stomach let out a big growl.
Bill immediately woke up. Rainbow's heart stopped. He stood up and turned around. She closed her eyes and let out a small whimper, knowing it was over.
"I didn't know my stomach could growl!" Bill joyfully said as he went to the fridge. "Let's see...I can't eat fruit! I can't eat salad! Damnit, I'm eating the fruit salad."
He snatched a blue plastic plate of fruit salad and walked back to the table. He placed it on the table and ate it with his hands. As he shoved fruit in his face, Rainbow Dash slowly opened the cabinet door and tip-toed out of the cabinet.
"PONY!!!" Bill's voice box was muffled with static and fruit chewing. Rainbow Dash froze and turned around, seeing Bill evilly staring at her, his eyes glowing red from the mechanical eyeballs. She flew at a great speed, with Bill trying to chase her, only to stop to take a deep breath.
"I knew I shoulda got that salad instead of that fruit salad." He muttered as he slumped his way back into the break room.
Rainbow Dash bolted to her office, tears covered the lower part of her eye. Frightened that she witnessed Bill up close, she decided to stay there in her office. She felt a little glad that she managed to keep the hay burger, which she wasted no time in eating. After finishing the burger, she crumpled up the burger wrapper and threw it to the ground. She looked at the television screen, where she saw Dale tip toeing through her office hallway, only to stop when he stared at the camera and ran away. She switched to the break room, where she saw Bill finishing the rest of his fruit salad. Boomhauer walked in the break room, greeting Bill as he walked to the fridge and opening it, grabbing a beer.
"Hey Boomhauer." Bill muttered. "Be on the look out for that pony. I saw her here in the break room."
"Damn man," Boomhauer muttered, "We're almost goddang, I tell ya what, out of food man, yo. Your fault, man yo, cause you know, something, yo."
"It's not my fault that she got away!"
As Rainbow Dash watched Bill and Boomhauer yell at each other, she felt a rumbling in her stomach. She whimpered as she held her belly. She now officially needed to go to the bathroom. She quickly flew to the bathroom, not caring that she went into the men's restroom.
She quickly went inside one of the stalls and sat in the toilet. The restroom echoed a sound of trickling and plops. A few minutes passed, and Rainbow Dash let out a relieved sigh and a happy smile.
Her smile disappeared when she heard the door open and someone talking.
"Stupid Dauterive man, dang ol' fatty belt buckle man." Boomhauer angrily muttered.
She whimpered in her toilet seat as she heard some footsteps and then water running from a sink. She slowly peeked from her stall, seeing that Boomhauer was washing his chest at the sink with some wet paper towels, just like he did one the first night. Rainbow Dash was confused why she was scared and blushing at the same time. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Boomhauer singing.
"This dang ol' day be perfect
Dreamed of this, I tell ya what!
Gather round, yo man,
Look very sexy in my suit
What they don't know is that I have goddang fooled them all, I tell ya what!"
"Where does he learn these songs?" Rainbow Dash asked herself. Suddenly Boomhauer stopped singing and washing. He quickly turned around, making Rainbow Dash let out a tiny eep as she backed away.
Boomhauer stared at the stall before letting out a shrug as he continued to wash. Rainbow Dash let out a relieved sigh as she swiped the bead of sweat from her forehead with her wing. Boomhauer continued singing.
"Screw the goddamn dress, man
F-Bomb the cake, yo,
Vows, lies, filthy lies!
Any weather, I tell ya what
Together my damn ass
Truth is she must be refueled"
He turned around from the sink. An evil smirk was present in his face.
"Yes I want to dang ol' refuel that gal
In her tank there is no propane, yo
But I still want her to be all mine, I TELL YOU WHAT!!"
He walked up to the stall door that Rainbow Dash was in and calmly opened it. Rainbow Dash froze as she saw Boomhauer's crooked evil smile and glowing red eyes from the mechanical eyeballs in his head.
She let out a terrified scream as she flew below Boomhauer's legs, causing Boomhauer to try to grab her tail, only to fall down on the toilet when he missed and lost his balance. Rainbow Dash flew out of the bathroom. Boomhauer let out an angry groan, reminding himself that the pegasus really was fast.
Rainbow Dash flew to her office and quickly checked the cameras, checking if Boomhauer was on her tail. To her relief, she saw that Boomhauer was still in the bathroom, rubbing his forehead from the impact of the toilet. He looked up to the camera and made a cutting motion with his hand across his throat, making Rainbow Dash worried. She then spent the right of her shift checking the robots. Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer was no problem, but she wondered why Hank was calmly checking inventory. She wondered what was he planning.
Eventually, the third night ended.
Hank was testing a grill outside when Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer walked up to him, both had small scowls on their faces.
"Hank. We need your help." Dale said as Hank turned to face his friends.
"It's the fourth night and we still haven't been able to refuel that pony who's always there!" Bill spat out as he lifted his arms in the air.
"You like that dang ol' bear man. Dang ol' help us Freddy yo." Boomhauer said as he crossed his arms.
Hank let out a sigh. "Guys, don't worry about it. Just keep doing what you're doing. We need to supply the fine ponies with clean burning and efficient propane. Understand?"
Dale, Bill, Boomhauer mumbled in unison that they understood. They both left Hank to double check the propane tank on the grill. An evil smirk and glowing red eyes were present on his face.
Rainbow Dash stared at the television. She saw Bill once again trying to sneak into her office, only to be caught. He ran away with angry screams. She switched to the break room, where she saw Boomhauer with a whiteboard that had blueprint of what looked like the interior of Strickland Propane. He turned around and noticed the camera, after which he quickly covered up the whiteboard with his body. A sheepish smile appeared on his face.
"Nothing to, something, see, I tell you what!"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and switched to the outside of the entrance, where she saw Dale smoking another cigarette, an angry look was plastered on his face.
"I don't get how a unicorn can be an alicorn princess. I bet she's Celestia's daughter that abandoned her, no wait! She's Luna's daughter! The purple and dark blue fits so perfectly, that's it! She's Cadance and Shining Armor's daughter! No wait! Discord's, no, Sombra's, no, Tirek-, THAT'S IT!!! She's Star-Swirled the Bearded's daughter! IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE!!!!! Maybe they hid the evidence in the manager's office, along with the articles about us in the past. Eh, I need a beer."
Rainbow Dash giggled at Dale's ridiculous conspiracies. Eventually, Dale stretched his arms and went back inside. Rainbow Dash let out a yawn and stared at the television. Her eyes widened when she realized something. Articles about them? Curious, she decided to sneak in the manager's office to check the articles. She sneaked out of her office and flew to the manager's office.
When she arrived there, she noticed that it was pretty neat. There were only four cabinets to the right side of the room, a large brown desk in the middle, and a television to the left side of the room. She trotted up the the desk, observing it. She looked around before she opened the only drawer of the desk. To her surprise, she saw all of these newspapers articles, all cut from the Ponyville newspaper they were in. She dug through them with her hooves and took one out, reading it.
"Four Humans Open Propane Store!"
It had a picture of Hank and his friends standing in front of Strickland Propane. She picked another article, one that had a picture of four coffins and a crowd of somber ponies.
"Founders of Strickland Propane Pass Away from Old Age!"
She found another article which had a picture of the robot versions of Hank and his friends standing in front of Strickland Propane.
"Founders of Strickland Propane Replaced with Robots!"
She dug through the articles, this time finding a picture of the barn at Sweet Apples Acres, the top part of the barn destroyed.
"Robot Humans Responsible for Barn Explosion!"
"That explains why they can't leave here at night." Rainbow Dash muttered as she took out another article, this one having a picture of Strickland Propane and a picture of a red Earth stallion.
"Pony Found Dead Near Strickland Propane!"
Rainbow Dash widened her eyes as she read the little paragraph on the bottom of the picture. It told of how a pony was found dead somewhere the back of Strickland Propane. The stallion had a hole in his chest and had traces of propane near his body. Rainbow Dash gulped. That explained a lot about the refueling thing. She saw another article which had a picture of a female blue unicorn.
"Unicorn Missing!"
According to the paragraph in the bottom, she was an inspector for the robots. One of her reports was that the robots had a faint smell of blood and propane. Two days later, she was reported missing. She was last seen at Strickland Propane.
Rainbow Dash gasped with horror as she dropped the remaining articles, which all had the same topic. She stared at them as they all fell to the floor.
"Hi."
She quickly lifted her head, seeing Dale leaning on the doorway. He had a large smirk on his face, a lit cigarette on his mouth, and a round red light, from his mechanical eyeball, on both of the lens of his sunglasses.
Screaming, she flew past Dale, only to find him quickly catching up to her. However, she made it to the office, where she immediately smashed her hoof on the flashing red button, shutting the red door as Dale slammed his whole body to the door.
"Damn it." Dale muttered as he backed away from the door. "I gotta quit smoking. Wait. I'm a robot. Why do I need to smoke? Or drink beer? Or eat? Screw it."
As Dale began to mumble, he walked away, leaving a fear-ridden Rainbow Dash behind. Her breathing became ragged and her hooves shook with fear. She swiped the remaining sweat from her face and the tears around her eyes.
Eventually, the fourth night ended.
Rainbow Dash was both relieved and scared. Relieved that this was her last day in this hellhole, and scared that there were something strange about the robots. It's as if they were planning something...
Her thoughts were smashed as she stared at the television screen, where she saw a small glimpse of Dale running in the hallways. Her eyes widened as she quickly pressed the blue button, causing the blue door to close. She smiled weakly as she heard Dale yell in anger.
She turned to the screen and switched to the break room, once again catching a glimpse of Bill and Boomhauer bolting out of the room. Knowing that they weren't as fast as Dale, who was the fastest among the robots, she calmly pressed the red button. As the red door closed, she heard Bill and Boomhauer groan disappointedly.
"Well that plan failed." Dale muttered as he joined up with Bill and Boomhauer at the red door. "Any other plans to get this pegasus and refuel her?"
Rainbow Dash got up from her seat and angrily glared at the robots. "I AM NOT A ROBOT! I'M A PONY! AND I DON'T NEED REFUELING! YOU'LL JUST KILL-"
Her shouting was cut short as she heard a static sound behind her. Curious, she turned around and saw that the television screen was just static. She switched to another camera, only to find more static. Rainbow Dash gasped when she learned that all the cameras at Strickland Propane were disabled.
"Who could disable these camera?" Rainbow Dash asked herself, before her eyes widened. "Oh Celestia. C-C-Could it be...Hank?"
"Yup."
She frantically turned around, seeing Hank standing behind the blue door. Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer widened their eyes, having not expected Hank to be there.
With an evil smirk, Hank took out the purple keycard from his shirt pocket. He swiped it on a device near the blue door. Immediately, both the red and blue doors opened up, giving the robots access to Rainbow Dash's office.
Realizing what Hank was doing, Dale and his friends smiled sadistically. Rainbow Dash could hardly breathe. Her hooves were trembling with fear, her eyes widen from fear, a small whimpering came out of her lips, and her wings twitched slightly.
"Now then guys." Hank said through his voice box, filled with static and a murderous tone. "Let's refuel this pegasus."
"Yup." Bill replied as his red eyes brightened up.
"Yup." Dale replied as he lit up another cigarette.
"Hmm mmm." Boomhauer replied as he winked at Rainbow Dash.
With a terrified scream, Rainbow Dash bolted past Dale and Boomhauer. Boomhauer blinked as he turned around to chase her. Dale was already running after her as Hank and Bill began as well.
As she flew through the hallways, she turned around, seeing how Dale was on her tail. Not looking where she was going, she crashed into a water cooler, causing the water to be spilled on the floor. As she slowly got up, she saw Dale jumping to capture her. She quickly got out of the way, causing Dale to land on broken water cooler. He got up, his eyes glowing brighter and his scowl growing so much, the mechanical jaws began to make a grinding sound. Rainbow Dash immediately retreated.
As she flew, she stopped when she noticed Bill standing in the hallway. As he started chasing her, she immediately went to the break room. He followed her, a creepy grin was plastered in his face. Grabbing a large knife, Rainbow Dash frantically threw it on Bill, piercing his face. Rainbow Dash gasped with fear as she saw Bill's exoskeleton face and his glowing red mechanical eyes. She heard the voice box emit a creepy laughter. Taking out a roll of tape from his jean pocket, he quickly fixed his face. When that was done, he ran towards Rainbow Dash, who flew above him, causing him to crash on the wall.
As she bolted through the hallway, she was pushed by Boomhauer into the bathroom. As she crashed into the wall, she looked up to see Boomhauer destroyed the knob, disabling the door. With a wicked grin, he jumped to land on her. She bolted past him and flew to the door, frantically trying to open the door. Bommhauer got up from the floor he landed on and charged towards her. She flew above his head, causing Boomhauer to crash into the door, forcibly opening it. As she flew past him, he got up, an aggressive look was present in his face.
Rainbow Dash smiled triumphantly as she saw the entrance of Strickland Propane. She wasted no time turning the knob quickly to exit out of the store. Suddenly, she felt cold metal arms around her, causing her to gasp. She is then slammed on the wall, causing her to get a good look of who grabbed her: Dale Gribble. His red eyes brightened as he tightened the grip.
"Got her, guys!" He yelled as Bill and Boomhauer walked into the room. Dale placed her on the floor. Bill grabbed her left hoof as Boomhauer grabbed the other hoof. Dale calmly got off of her. As Rainbow Dash struggled to break free, she stopped when she saw Hank walk up to her, a long green propane tank in his arm, a nozzle plugged in one of the valves.
Rainbow Dash was letting out tears as she shook her head frantically. Whimpering and sobbing escaped from her mouth as she stared at the shiny metal nozzle.
"Please don't do this..." She choked out. "Please."
"Rules are rules." Hank coldly replied as he kneeled down next to Rainbow Dash. "Time to refuel her."
Hank placed the nozzle on the top of Rainbow Dash's chest. Knowing that he was going to impale her with the nozzle, she screamed louder, as she struggled harder. Bill and Boomhauer merely tightened the grip. Hank lifted up the nozzle, aiming for Rainbow Dash's chest.
Rainbow Dash started to wail and cry, as she stopped struggling. She knew it was hopeless. There is no escape. Only the end. She closed her eyes tightly, realizing that it was all over now...
All over...
BEEP!
She opened one eye to see where the beep sound came from. She opened both eyes when she saw that Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer just stood there, seemingly frozen. Rainbow Dash easily broke from Bill and Boomhauer's grip. As she scooted away from the robots, she wondered why they are all frozen like that. As she stared at wall clock to her left, she finally understood.
It was now 6:00 AM.
At long last, the fifth night ended.
After learning that the beep sound was the clock indicating that it was six in the morning, Rainbow Dash leaned against a wall, letting out the biggest relieved sigh she could produce. A small smile crept from her lips as she silently thanked Celestia that it was finally over.
The frozen robots came out of their frozen state and stared at Rainbow Dash, waving to her.
"Welcome to Strickland Propane!" Hank greeted with a friendly smile.
"Interest you in a grill?" Dale said as he walked up next to Hank, a happy smile also present in his face.
"Or maybe a tank refill?" Bill said as he let out a cheerful smile.
"Or, a dang ol' I tell ya what, tank wipe, boom boom baby, yo." Boomhauer said with a wink and smile combination.
Rainbow Dash just laughed, glad that her problems were finally over. As she heard the front door open, she saw that it was the manager walking in, a bag of bits in his back.
"Oh, you're here." The manager greeted with a smile. "Good. I just wanted to give you your pay now. I know it was supposed to be doubled, but I just had to square it. Thanks again Rainbow Dash. Strickland Propane owes you one."
As he gave Rainbow Dash the bag of bits, she only laughed, thanking the manager and heading for the exit.
"Alright guys!" The manager said to the robots. "Get back to work! I want you all to give a 110%, got it?"
"Yes sir!" Hank replied with a salute.
As Rainbow Dash opened the door, she turned around, getting one last look of the store. Hank and his friends begin to happily wave at her.
Their eyes began to glow a bright red light.
"Taste the meat!" They said in unison with a creepy smile. "Not the heat!"
Why did I make this story in the first place?
Oh right, bandwagon and love for King of the Hill.
Speaking of which:
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
935 users online
456,312 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Butane is better.
But, you just said taste the meat.
5051665
Read the rest of story. 
Fixed. Thanks.
5051634
Butane's a bastard gas.
5051671
I was hoping you'd say that!
5051706
My dad told me that.
I sell propane and propane accessories.
*sees the title*
GUNSHOT BRIIIIDE!
We're about to see just how professional Rainbow "Professionalism" Dash is. Freakin' love King of the Hill!
This here was a fine piece o' work, I tell ya hwhat.
if turning it down hwat would you turn it down for?
TURN DOWN FOR HWAT
lmao i cried a little reading this. loved it.
Yay for Bill!
Finally happy!
What?! Nooooo!
I quiet enjoyed this bizarre story! What an odd combination
! But you made it work!
This is probably the best Five Nights fic I've read on this site!
That being said, there is one small hiccup:
They all died of old age at the same time? How does that work?
5052749
Maybe.
Who knows? Maybe that will be explained in the sequel.
I pictured the manager as a ponified Buck Strickland for some reason. It seems like he wouldn't fix a problem like this anyway.
I give you credit for originality on this one, at the very least.
5052823
Thanks.
Note to self, avoid being a night guard for anywhere with anamatomic machines, for major algorithm flaws.
i always questioned hanks quiet calm mild demeanor
anyway i was like, pissh how scary can hank and the gang be?
Well,
thats a interesting plot point.
Okay, this is the best FNaF crossfic I've read; tying in King of the Hill, no less
Kudos to you, Major!
Niece. Unless that was intentional.
Very nice, man. You even got their characters and comedy right despite the dark atmosphere
5053430
Thanks for pointing out the "niece" and unintentionally showing me the "there" mistake.
And thanks for enjoying my story!
this is stupid i like it
5053527
33.media.tumblr.com/a4505689e5f6bbf0b8d99db3b680af38/tumblr_n2elcvtWRN1sj3oxho1_500.gif
5053540 i knew i was missing something
Please do the sixth and seven(th)nights...
5051634
The bastard gas, am I right?
5053799
That's what my dad said.
I have no words that can describe how awesome this story is, besides, well..
And for the heck of it..
25.media.tumblr.com/6416986ca55853fc7ba5ee88a82f7d08/tumblr_mtnp64ptAe1ssiyb1o1_500.jpg
I think it should be the opposite way around, since in real life a human's lifespan can easily double an in some cases triple that of a ponies, but you're not talking about real life ponies now are you...
Great read! I'll have to read it again sometime, give you a better review than this.
5054460 i think he wrote that just to piss us off
This is glorious
I didn't know that I needed this in my life until now.
5054154
Eeyup...
The gang as propane murderous robots hmm? EXTERMINATUS!!!!
Crossing Pony with Freddy's and King of the Hill...
How is that a thing?!
5055563 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
5051775
This idea is novel as fuck.
5056206
5054309 I also happen to sell methamphetamine and methamphetamine accessories, bitch!
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTrQ7Bv5v6TTnM7veVEF2UNTkg94WmfZYcgMp6UtFZ9BOZX2UGgbg
5057216
Thanks! And no problem!
Ten... OUTTA TEN!!!
So does this mean there's also a Golden Hank?
5058899
Maybe in the sequel yes.
I don't know how to feel about this...
I was expecting the cigarette you kept mentioning to cause a propane explosion, destroying/damaging them all and explaining the barn fire.
5060937
Maybe it did.
5059192 So your planning on doing a sequel? I look forward to that.
Being a big fan of King Of The Hill, ponies and FNAF, I really enjoyed this funny story. Especially since you picked one of my favorite ponies as the main character.
5061083
Thanks. I'm doing a sequel only because word is that Five Nights at Freddy's is doing a sequel.
I don't know when I'm going to work on it, but know this:
Scootaloo MAY be included along with Rainbow Dash again.
You MAY see a robot version of Kahn Souphanousinphone and Cotton Hill.
I could actually imagine Hank Hill charging toward the security room as foxy while yelling "I sell Propane and Propane accessories"
Dafuq