Snape was glad he was a patient man. The inane chatter between Rarity and Fluttershy had lasted well over half an hour, Rarity often trying to draw him into the conversation.
Needless to say, he was reluctant to waste any more of his time than absolutely necessary. Upon noticing the lengthening shadows from the trees and ponies around him, however, he was finally forced into action. "As interesting as your conversation is, I'd like to be at the library before sundown, if you don't mind."
Rarity glared at him, Fluttershy hiding behind her mane at his severe demeanor. The unicorn tried to stare Snape down, but after several seconds she realized it was a losing battle. Sighing, she muttered under her breath before reluctantly nodding. "Sorry, the time ran away from me. Alright, let's go..." She started trotting down the road, Snape following close behind. The latter almost bowled her over, however, when she abruptly stopped and looked back. "Fluttershy, would you like to come with us?"
"If you please, miss Rarity," Snape all but growled, his patience almost gone.
"Sorry, I'd love to, but I need to finish rehearsing with-" Rarity cleared her throat with a pointed look, causing Fluttershy to nod comprehendingly. "I mean, of course!"
And so Snape was flanked by two mares on the street, both barely keeping up with his hurried pace. Good God, i's like trying to keep the attention of first-years...or goldfish.
Upon arriving at the library, Snape's eyes narrowed. Isn't this a public library? The sign says it's open, so why are all the lights off? "Terribly sorry for the delay," Rarity apologized, "but we're still...fixing it up! There was a terrible mess left by the last librarian—poor Dusty Tome, nopony saw it coming—so I'll have to ask you to wait here for a moment. You understand, right?" She batted her eyes up at the unamused wizard, who only sighed and crossed his arms under his robes.
"Fine. Do what you need to do."
Rarity squee'd—a sound Snape still wasn't used to—and dragged Fluttershy into the pitch-black library, slamming the door closed behind her. Snape stood perfectly still, stewing in his irritation.
"What the...?" He heard a voice from behind, causing him to turn around, arms still crossed. The purple mare staring up at him blinked, looking him over, before catching on to his frustrated, severe expression.
"My name is Severus, I'm not from around here. Yes I am a mind-reader, but that's not how I know what you were going to ask." Snape drawled, extremely unamused. "Does that about cover it?"
"Sorry, I just—"
"Never saw anything like me before, and I startled you. Believe me, by now I'm beginning to think these encounters are rehearsed, just introduce yourself and be done with it."
She sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm Twilight Sparkle," she offered, trying to remain civil. "Princess Celestia sent me to check up on the preparations for the—" She paused, waiting for Snape to interrupt. When no such interruption came, she finished, "Summer Sun Celebration."
Snape nodded, uttering a simple, "pleasure."
"Sheesh, are you gonna let this guy talk to you like that?" Snape's eyes were drawn to a scaly lump on Twilight's back, shifting to reveal—
Dragon! Snape slid backwards, producing his wand from his robes. Aiming with practiced ease, he spoke, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is a dragon on your back."
The green and purple lizard hopped from Twilight's back and walked up to Snape, emerald green eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Do you have something against dragons?"
Snape's train of thought crashed and burned. Okay, he thought, it—he is speaking. That, coupled with this strange land...apparently, dragons here are more civilized than back home. Returning his wand to it's rightful place, Snape looked down at the dragon with his usual cool stare. "Dragons are quite violent where I come from. That's the only point of comparison I have, I'm afraid. My apologies."
Stepping between the two, Twilight laughed nervously. "O-kay, well Spike is just a baby dragon. He's also my assistant. He won't hurt you, I promise."
"Speak for yourself..." Spike muttered under his breath.
"What was that?"
"I said I'm hungry," he corrected, causing Twilight to roll her eyes.
"Well," Snape hissed, "as pleasant as this conversation is, I'm afraid I must be heading in." He turned, gripping the doorknob before another question stopped him.
"Wait, you're staying here?" Twilight asked, thoroughly confused.
Snape slowly looked back at her, his flattest glare in full effect. "It...would seem so." He spoke slowly, as if to a child. "I can see no other reason I would need to visit a dark library at nightfall."
Twilight scowled, pushing past him into the darkness. "I only asked because the princess herself arranged for me to stay here." Snape raised an eyebrow. "Just don't bother me, okay? I'll have enough problems to deal with without having to talk to a complete stranger all night."
"SURPRISE!!!"
Twilight shrieked and backpedaled from the grinning face of Pinkie Pie, suddenly appearing an inch from her muzzle. Snape stooped down to enter the now-illuminated library, furrowing his eyebrows. How on earth did they fit the whole town in here?
Twilight slowly, slowly turned her head to the unruffled wizard. "You knew about this, didn't you? THAT'S why you let me go first!"
"I had my suspicions," Snape confirmed, a wry smile on his pale face, "I just needed a guinea-pig." He found it difficult not to laugh at the angry, narrow-eyed pout Twilight gave him.
"Were you surprised?" Pinkie pressed, grinning like a madmare.
Turning back to the group of ponies, Twilight put on a painfully fake grin. "Oh, yeah! I was very surprised...Libraries are supposed to be quiet." She finished flatly, The Pink still not catching on to her frustration.
"Quiet?! Why would a party be quiet? I mean, duh! Bo-ring!" Pinkie grinned, oblivious to Twilight's sudden absence.
Said mare was creeping up the stairs, disappearing into a bedroom. Flicking on the light, she plucked a book from the shelf against the wall and hopped onto the bed.
"Ouch."
The bony, lumpy bed that had just voiced it's discomfort. Twilight 'eep'ed, sliding back until she fell onto the floor rump-first. Glaring up at the bed, the uncomfortable lump shifted to a sour-looking Snape, hair half in his face. "Just what do you think you're doing, Sparkle?"
"I was going to lie down and catch up on some reading," she growled, "but somepony stole the bed. How did you even get up here, anyway? You were down at the party just a minute ago!"
"I walked, miss Sparkle." Snape snapped snidely, "it's amazing how easy it is to move unnoticed when no one pays attention. And I have just as much right to be here as you. As it so happens, I got here first. Now if you don't mind..." He turned so his back was to her, huffing.
"I do mind," Twilight ground out, "one of the worst evils Equestria has faced in over a thousand years is coming tonight! I can't afford any more setbacks! Now get...OUT!" Twilight's horn glowed painfully bright, and Snape was lifted out of the bed by a lavender aura. Through his flailing about, the blanket covering his body slipped off his torso and pooled onto the floor. "GAH!" Twilight screamed, squeezing her eyes shut and cutting the power to her levitation, causing Snape to fall unceremoniously to the floor. "I did not need to see that!"
"Did you expect me to wear my robes even when I slept, Sparkle?" Snape spoke as he stood, thankful he had at least the common sense to keep his boxers.
"I...You..." Twilight groaned, shaking her head and running out of the room. "Just take the bed!"
So he did.
So.... nude Snape (minus his boxers) in front of Twilight......
Snape and Twilight! Ship 'em like FedEx!Uh....
You know, she's naked too. Why's she freaking out?
Fantastic! A very fluid, natural writing style with solid content! I'm always rather hesitant when it comes to crossovers, but I'm glad that I decided to pick this one up
Wat.
4994348 She has a coat of fur and a strategically-placed tail to preserve her modesty. Snape had a pair of boxers. Besides, this is early Twilight. She's almost as much of a reclusive virgin as he is.
Maybe you could bring voldemort into the scene and have him team up with an equestrian villain.
Oh Snape, you are too funny. Never change.
4994387
He's not funny at all. That's what makes it so funny.
clever professor snape. nothing would ever want the bed once you've slept naked in it.
4994335 He is Friggin Snape, you cant ship him
4994449 What about Snermione?
lel
Snape. Don't you dare change.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140704100727/allthetropes/images/e/eb/Tycho-sane-man.jpg
4994348
Milky white skin that hasn't been touched by the sun in ages on a strange alien body must be kinda weird for a pony.
4994335 "Yes, I have taken your bed. Don't worry, there's still room to Slytherin."
A Harry Potter crossover?
img.pandawhale.com/post-38729-snape-shrug-gif-Imgur-kcsT.gif
4994449 Snape x Maude, yes please!
4994554 "...I like rocks."
"I like snakes."
"Wanna fuck?"
"Kay."
4994581 He hasn't been in Equestria a full day yet and he's already at the end of his rope. XD
You cannot help but read the snark in his voice!!
ALL HAIL SNARKY SNAPE!!!
4994377 Snape is the only HP element I will write in Equestria.
4994646 Snarky Sevvy!
4994676 Thanks.
Just... yes.
Well you know what they say Snape...
...so Snape is sleeping in Twilight's bed. How long till the rumor mill starts up?
i's like trying to keep the attention of first-years...or goldfish.
Should be it's, and that is an insult to goldfish.
4991839 *Gets the single most malicious grin in the universe* Shouldn't have told me that, now I am going to spam Snape becoming an element until all the appleblooms are dead.
4994770 So killing the Apple Blooms amuses you? Can't have that.
I'm gonna tenderly snuggle all the Apple Blooms. Whether you spam it or not, it's just gonna happen.
4994778 Jokes on you, I already released an airborne virus that can warp the fabric of space-time to travel dimensions, and it only affects applebloom. Also it melts the infected into gray goo.
4994781 Then I shall snuggle the goo-ponies.
Besides. That is my fetish.
4994785 *Slowly backs towards taser* I see. Say, could you look in that direction for a minute or five?
4994789 *holds out a soaked rag* does this smell like chloroform to you?
4994791 *Sniffs* Nah, smells more like a mix of ethanol and cough syrup. Does this taste like pain, though? *Tases Vlad in the eye*
It's barely sundown and Snape went straight to bed? I thought he was going to start browsing the books looking for a way home(the sooner the better in his case.) and since Snape was with Fluttershy and Rarity the whole time, does that mean Twilight didn't meet them? Wouldn't this become a problem when she goes to the Castle of the Two Sisters when she didn't have time to bond with 2 of the upcoming Elements of Harmony?
4994793 *does the harlem shake*
4994794 Give the guy a break, he just woke up from being dead and found himself in the weirdest situation of his life. It may not seem like it, but he is FREAKING OUT. He had a rough day.
4994807
You ever gonna do a scene where he basically loses his shit? I think people would like to see that happen and since he's in Equestria full of annoying ponies this might be the right place to push his buttons.
4994818 Complete Chef Ramsay shit-flip.
This needs a TVTropes page.
I know I said it before, but I need to say it again!
4994821
Yeah that would be awesome, a furious Snape(that actually shows it) dropping F' bombs(or whatever British cuss words) in a long rant.
4994658 Thank god.
your Snape is PERFECT. I almost want Twi to transform into Mentally Advanced Twilight so then there will be TWO hyperintelligent Snarky assholes snarking about everything.
Severus Snape Au Natural.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/4671572736/h02C0824F/
To be honest, this is a LOT better than your other story.
Pinkie Pie should be the one to call that, not Twilight.
Snape will be the Element of Nudity/Angry Glares.
Yes, I called it.
Soo, is Snape going to train Twilight once she finds out how superior he is to all in Equestria?
Sure, Celestia can move a sun, but Snape can instantly kill anyone, make anyone do anything and learn anything from anyone. That is, if he stopped caring about his morals... Better keep Discord away from Snape.
4994877
That would be a Self-Sustaining-Snark-Sparkle-Snape-System.
Truly, SSSSSS rank. And likely repeated repeatedly by Pinkie Pie just because it's a cherrychimichanga kinda thing to say.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131205120647/sonic/images/9/94/S_Shiny_jump.png
"And one of the worst evils my world has ever faced killed me this morning. Now that we're done comparing, will you please let me sleep?"