Chapter Three
Snape's arrival to Ponyville had mixed results. His unpleasant, sinister appearance and severe expression initially alarmed many of the ponies trotting about, but they calmed down almost as soon as they saw Rainbow Dash at his side.
So there really are no humans here... Snape's lip curled in annoyance, his dark eyes flitting to the cyan pegasus at his side. "Well? Where are we going?"
Rainbow shrugged, mumbling an unintelligible jumble that sounded vaguely like "I don't know." Snape rolled his eyes, carrying on with his purposeful strides. "Who'dya wanna talk to?"
"As I said, whoever's in charge." He responded frigidly, keeping his eyes forward. "And before you ask, no that does not mean I want you to carry me to 'Canterlot'." He turned, giving Rainbow a positively scalding glare. "I'd rather not be dropped from three meters off the ground...again."
"Hey, I said I was sorry!" She shouted, "how was I supposed to know you were so heavy?!"
"Perhaps you're just exceptionally weak. I'm not exactly a large man."
"HEY!"
Snape smirked lightly, relishing his victory over the insufferable mare. "So who is in charge?"
"Mayor Mare." Snape almost broke his stride at the name, but silly names seemed to be the norm here. "She'll be in her office."
Snape cleared his throat. "Very well, take me to her."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow, magenta eyes narrowed at him. "Uh...'take me to her'...what?"
Snape narrowed his own eyes, his hand curled around his wand in a white-knuckle grip under his robes. "Take me to her...please." Every word sounded like a snake slithering over loose rubble, forced and hissed. He forced his temper down, fighting to maintain composure.
"Okay!" Rainbow grinned and took off, taking a winding road just to the left of Severus. The wizard exhaled and turned to follow the prismatic trail hanging in the air. She's as bad those damned Marauders...
Once arrived at the large, ornate building, that I could have found myself just as easily... Snape pulled the door open and walked inside. "I'm looking for..." his lip curled, "Mayor Mare. Is she present?"
"That would be me. I'm a little busy though, could you come back tom-mo-mo-oh my goodness..." The grey-maned, bespectacled mare petered out towards the end as she looked up at a very unamused Snape. Mayor Mare cleared her throat and audibly gulped, before continuing in a far meeker tone, "Ho-how can I help you?"
Snape stared flatly at her, his dark, tunnel-like eyes projecting his own irritation at the mayor. "First, you can stop gawking. It's terribly distracting."
"Of course!" She averted her eyes, standing and walking out from behind her desk. "Now, mister..."
"Snape," he offered, "Severus Snape."
"Mister Snape, why have you come to my fine town?" She was doing her best to be civil, but Snape didn't need to be a Legilimens to sense her fear.
"It was neither a planned journey nor a welcome one, but I seem to be very far away from home. I will need a place to stay while I look for a way back, as well as a source of income." Snape droned, obviously having prepared this beforehand.
"I'm sure we can find you something..." Mayor Mare muttered, looking through the stack of papers on her desk. "Golden Oaks Library has need of a new librarian...poor Dusty Tomes, nopony saw that coming." Snape perked up slightly at the mention of a library, but said nothing. "You'd have to wait a day or so, Celestia's sent a representative to supervise the—"
"Summer Sun Celebration, yes, I've heard all about it. That will do nicely, thank you." Snape turned to walk back out, but was immediately run over by PINK.
"MAYOR!" A high-pitched, shrill voice shouted, "Permission to use the Library, MA'AM?!" Snape may have been slightly dazed, but he could still hear the faux-military tone to the request. Standing, he turned to glower down at the pink monstrosity that had assaulted him.
Mayor Mare sighed and pushed a hoof to her forehead. "For what...?"
"There's a new pony! She looked all huffy, so a surprise Welcome-to-Ponyville party is just what the doctor ordered!"
The mayor raised an eyebrow. "And why does the party need to be at the library?"
"She looked like a bookworm," Pink grinned, bouncing in place.
"Fine...go ahead, Pinkie."
Pinkie turned to leave, but was met by a wall of solid black. Slowly looking up, she came face-to-face with a dark-eyed, pale face giving her the sharpest glare from behind a curtain of black hair. "You knocked me over." He accused, his voice tightly controlled and monotonous.
"...Sorry." Pinkie at least sounded genuine, visibly subdued. She gave a sheepish grin, to which Severus simply turned with a sweep of his robes and skulked out of the Town Hall. "Wait!"
Pinkie galloped after him, barely managing to keep up with the quick pace of his longer legs. "My name's Pinkie Pie...what's yours?"
"Severus Snape, now if you don't mind, I have someplace to be."
"But I've only just met you!" Pinkie shouted, causing Snape to wonder if she had any other volume of speech.
"And what an impression you've made," Snape deadpanned, quickening to try and outrun The Pink.
"Aww, come on, Sevvy!" Snape's eye twitched again. "I said I was sorry! I was just so excited for the Summer Sun Celebration, then my Pinkie Sense told me we were gonna have a new pony in Ponyville! And now we have two new ponies in Ponyville!"
"When I see them, I'll be sure to give them my deepest condolences." Snape replied dryly.
"One of them's YOU, silly! C'mon, turn that frown upside down!" Snape didn't recall how Pinkie had gotten onto his shoulders, but it was disturbing nonetheless.
I could be in Azkaban right now...when did my life go wrong?
----------
"So Ah snatched back mah hat an' told 'im ta git!" Applejack recounted to her younger sister and new friend.
"Wait...did he look real tall n' covered in black?" Apple Bloom asked, suddenly very worried. Twilight looked between them, having no idea what they were talking about.
"Yeah, ugly feller if Ah ever seen one." Applejack narrowed her eyes. "Did he do somethin' to ya?"
"...Not exactly..." Apple Bloom looked down, scuffing the ground with a forehoof. Ah might've...hit 'im in the head with a ball." She looked back up, rearing up on her hind legs. "But then he stood up an' started mumblin' somethin or other, an' he looked awful mad, so we jes' ran away!" She plopped back down.
Applejack raised an eyebrow in thought. "Well, at least he never tried ta hurt nopony..."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Well, this has been very enlightening, but I need to be off. Thanks for the food, it looks like everything here's been taken care of."
"Come 'round any time ya like!" Applejack waved, grinning from ear to ear.
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4988012 You won't wait long.
I haven't even read this yet, but automatic favorite for Severus Effin' Snape.
I'll be reading his dialogue in the voice of Alan Rickman.
Oh Snape, truly you are the master of sarcasm. I can't wait to see your take on Nightmare Moon.
rs1ci.memecdn.com/315/5046315.gif
4988102
I'm already doing that
This is great. A few grammar errors, nothing terrible, and Snape's characterisation is pretty good. The eye twitches and the snarkiness are well done.
Yep, definitely keeping an eye on this.
Edit: what Albinocorn said about the LUS, though. That could use a tone down.
12/10. 10/10 for an amazing Harry Potter crossover, and the extra 2 for the person going to the pony universe being Snape, of all people. You sir, have made a masterpiece.
4988163 I have no editors and no proofreaders. This is all as rough as it gets. Sorry.
So, sounds like Snape will be taking Twilight's place as the town librarian, though, I have a strong feeling they're gonna end up forced into sharing a living space.
Snapes mental monologues alone just make this whole thing golden.
Serverus Snape as the librarian... this will be an interesting experience...
Wingardium LeviosssAAHH...
4988296 Dammit Weasley!
Dear Vald.
Oh...Oh god, with every sentence I feel the essence of Snape ooze through my eye sockets as I feel his pain and indescribable anguish! But just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, the en-evadable arrivle of the...pink one happens.
Anyways keep up the good work and way to go,top of the list!
Sincerely Yours The Cake Devil.
I approve of this crossover.
4988311
I agree. The Snape is strong in this one. Keep it up!
rs83.pbsrc.com/albums/j314/elfkeke/woohoo.gif~c200
4988004
He looks like Nicolas Cage.
4988422 You don't say?
i.imgur.com/9Ytwk4c.png
This...this is why so many people hate authors putting 'Featured' somewhere in the story...
just...why?
Very good, my mind control device to put in your coffe to make you writestoreis for my pleasure is working! Good luck and continue my evil work of making very good crossovers and writing that is soothing to my eyes.
4988549 It would be more odd if you didn't.
Harry Potter crossover? I'm interested.
I don't normally like stories with short chapters, but gimme more, I need this in my life... like yesterday. Chop-chop, writer.
Loathe,
Your Antagonist
4988668 I update quickly with short chapters so the story flows better without my older audience having to re-read everything to get what my updates are talking about.
4988087
Noticed it just now.
Thank you.
4988296 It's Wingardium LeviOOOsa not Wingardium LeviosssAAHH...
I DEMAND MOAR CAUSE IT'S SO GOOD!!
You do know Snape was really a good guy in the end right?
4988822 Yes. He was the good guy. Dumbledore manipulated Harry from birth to be sacrificed like a pawn, Harry was the one being manipulated, but Snape? He willingly put himself through seventeen years of extreme danger and suspicion from both sides, helped Harry more than he'd care to admit, and died for the Good Fight.
Snape and Neville were the two most unexpected badasses Harry Potter ever gave us.
i am tempted to favorite this without even reading it. this might be the best human to take to equestrial
4988854 Alright just checking, because in the description you really only said the negative names he'd been called. Then you said snape could be in azkaban, even though he was really a good guy.
This should be interesting!
professor snaps, the snob meets ponies.
I am patiantly waiting for Blueblood to get the mother of all verbal beatdowns from snape...
Severus and Pinkie together:
GENIUS!
Snape, Snape, Severus Snape...
...better start wizarding some ponies soon, cuz I ain't seeing enough Avada Kadavras and Crucios.
4989125 IKR
4989125 he would get it SO BAD"
4988444
I stopped doing that when I passed 50 followers
Quite interesting story. Haven't expected it taking place in the beginning of Season 1. Can't wait to see Twilight's and Snape's reactions when it comes down that they have to share the library.
There is a small but still quite serious issue here:
Occlumency is the art of warding the mind from intrusions. The word you were looking for is Legilimency, which is an skill/art of getting feelings and memories from a victim's mind. Here, look at this: Legilimency
Dumbledore!
You portray Snape so well in this story. I love it! Please, write more!
i fear for snape's sanity.
his eye seems to twitch a lot.
this tells us a lot about his mental state right now.
4994581 I believe we are all agreeing with you now.
poor snape
Why is chapter three named "Featured?" How does being featured have anything to do with the specific chapter within the actual story?
Gosh this story is making my breathing intensify, Snape sure does know how to deal with Ponies!
4998982 Chapter three doesn't have a title.
Rainbow raised an eyebrow, magenta eyes narrowed at him. "Uh...'take me to her'...what?"
*chuckles*
Start training snape to be nice, eh?
"One of them's YOU, silly! C'mon, turn that frown upside down!" Snape didn't recall how Pinkie had gotten onto his shoulders, but it was disturbing nonetheless.
'I could be in Azkaban right now...when did my life go wrong?'
Best Crossover line EVER!
4988863 One of the risks of being a double-agent...
The "random human wandering around Ponyville" schtick only really gets interesting if ponies actually interact with said random human. You blew off the majority of potential you had in two sentences. This is not the kind of impressive you want to be.
"Take me to your leader!"
Oh my. Twilight and Snape lving together? That'll be hilarious
At least she's a studious one.
Hee. Funny to see the other side of that.
That's some very morbid cynicism, there
Remarks and corrections:
> Snape's arrival to Ponyville
"arrival [in] Ponyville"
> "Hey, I said I was sorry!" She shouted, "how was I supposed to know you were so heavy?!"
There should be no capital letter on "She shouted", and that should end on a period, not a comma, since the quoted part is not a split single sentence. The second quoted part, being a new sentence, should start with a capital letter.
> Very well, take me to her.
Comma splice. Either make that a semicolon, or split it into two sentences.
> I'm a little busy though, could you come back tom-mo-mo-oh my goodness...
Comma splice. Either split into tw sentences, or use a semicolon.
> poor Dusty Tomes, nopony saw that coming.
This should be a new sentence.
> You'd have to wait a day or so, Celestia's sent a representative to supervise the—
Again, Comma splice. Use a semicolon.
> "You knocked me over." He accused, his voice tightly controlled and monotonous.
"s/he said" construction: replace the end-period of the first quoted part by a comma, and don't start the "he accused" part with a capital letter.
> "But I've only just met you!" Pinkie shouted
You forgot the indentation on this one ;)
> when did my life go wrong?
Needs to be a new sentence.
> Thanks for the food, it looks like everything here's been taken care of.
Again, Comma splice. Split into two sentences.
Honestly seems like there's twooo or three other questions to be asked before this one. Confirming his location, asking about species or whether he's in fairy realm or something equally silly etc. Most importantly whether the the names planet 'Earth' or 'London' mean anything.
Fun story though. You do write Snape well. Though in the last chapter you use the phrase 'pissed off' in Snape's narrative and I think something like 'Irate' would suit him far better.
Wait, why leave? There's so much more that needed to be covered! Heck, he didn't even get permission? It's fine if he's interrupted but what was he going to do, go out and sit on the Town Hall's stairs for a few days?
ALL OF YOU STOP POSTING COMENT'S NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!