Chapter One
Death is a funny thing. Everybody has an idea of what it is, but nobody has a clue who's right. For Severus Snape, death was peaceful. An endless void, with no body, no senses, no thought, and no annoying students. If he had any sense of self at all, he'd call it boring. But as it was, he was content to lay about in nonexistence.
It was certainly more pleasant than his life had been, and for that he was grateful. After every bad hand he had been dealt, a break was welcome. Even with the breeze causing his greasy, shoulder-length hair to tickle his nose.
Perfect... He thought, my eternal punishment is to be vaguely annoyed for eternity. Could be worse.
Then it hit him. A rubber ball, to be exact, bouncing off the side of his head and causing his eyes to snap open. He immediately wished he hadn't. Bright...too bright. For someone used to slinking in the shadows of a dungeon, the pastel blues and greens of his surroundings were a shock to his system. At first glance, he appeared to be in a grassy field. His body resisted his movements, but he was able to hobble to his feet easily enough. Luckily, his robes were still present, and the familiar weight of his wand rested at his side. The black-clad potions-master heard a high-pitched gasp from behind him, and upon turning around, he was met with a...puzzling sight.
Three little...animals. He assumed they were animals, at least. He'd seen nothing resembling them before, aside from the odd unicorn and pegasus. Manes, tails, four legs, hooves, they could definitely qualify as equine, but their proportions and colors were impossibly off. "What..." he muttered to himself, "are you supposed to be?"
Then they screamed. The startlingly human sounds pierced his skull in unison, causing a faint spike of pain to lance through his head. None of it showed on his face, though, as the three...creatures galloped away in three different directions.
"...What?" Snape blinked, trying to let his groggy mind catch up with him. Whatever had happened, those little beasts were gone. The lanky, hawk-nosed man turned to look at his garish, cartoony surroundings, his lip curled in mild disgust. What a beautiful sunny day...I miss the Dungeons already.
With no reason to stand around, Severus walked towards a distant patch of trees, too orderly to have grown on their own. An orchard, perhaps?
It was indeed an orchard, and a very large one. Severus welcomed the shade, his body sweltering from the sunlight beating down onto his heavy black robes. Nonetheless, he powered on. These trees are well cared-for. Whoever maintains them must be close by.
"Hello?" His deep, monotonous voice was just as oily as his hair, somehow conveying his dissatisfaction with his situation without any inflection whatsoever. The Potions Master passed another of the horse-things, this one orange and sleeping at the base of a tree. Whoever worked here must've been close by. They'd left their hat with their pet. Snape knelt down and scooped it up, hoping that returning it to whomever owned the orchard would help him get in their good graces. Looking at the dusty, worn stetson, his lip curled in open disdain. Oh God I'm in America...
He hoped he wouldn't be shot on sight.
"HEY!" He froze at the sound of a woman's voice, the accent confirming his fears. "Gimme back mah hat, or yer gonna get it!"
Well aren't I making the best impression? Severus thought bitterly, slowly turning to face the...horse-thing. He briefly looked around for anyone else, but the only thing present aside from himself was the beast. He lifted the hat out, holding it towards the angry looking...too small for a horse, so a pony as a peace-offering.
"Are you the owner of this orchard?" He asked, dreading the answer. The pony crept up, snatching the hat up and backpedaling a ways away before flipping it up onto her head.
"Ah don't talk ta thieves, now git!" The pony pawed at the dusty ground with a forehoof, lowering her head.
Well this isn't going anywhere. With a sneer, the wizard turned on his heel and walked away. Perhaps something more reasonable is nearby.
"Don't you go givin' me dirty looks! Yer the one stealin' from me! Yer lucky Ah don't have ya locked up!"
Snape stopped, closed his eyes, and took a deep, hissing breath. Whirling around to face the unreasonable pony, he began, "firstly, I gave you the hat as soon as you so..." his lip curled into a nasty sneer, "graciously asked for it's return. Second, if my appearance doesn't tip off your obviously sharp mind, I seem to be in a foreign land, so forgive me for my ignorance. And third, that was not a dirty look, that was my face. So, if you don't have any other shining bits of wisdom to impart, I'll be on my way." And he was again off to search for more pleasant company.
Meanwhile, the orange pony sat there with a confused expression, scratching her head. "...Huh?"
----------
Snape was not happy. This was not an uncommon occurrence, but it was rare he became truly pissed off. Being accused of something had always struck a deep chord within him, particularly when he actually hadn't done anything wrong. I shouldn't have blown up like that...It seems the stress of dying has taken a toll on my mood. A small smirk wormed its way onto his pale face. Perhaps that's why Lo-...why Voldemort became so unhinged after his return.
The smile dropped from his face. The boy had confronted the Dark Lord...Potter was most likely dead by now. Severus fought to keep his face straight, the icy lump in his stomach threatening to worm its way to the surface. Snape composed himself, focusing on his long, purposeful strides.
Damn you, Albus...
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This seems interesting, I'll keep reading, but u better keep updating.
Also applejack seemed too quick to peg him as a thief and was much not very understanding.
PS, first comment bichiz!
This made me cum
4984281 A big bald monkey any ten-year-old would call a stereotypical villain waltzed into her orchard and tried to steal her hat. He didn't make the best impression.
4984285 Don't they have a pill for that kind of problem?
4984308 My but when I stuck it down my dick it hurt to much.
4984310 IF IT DOESN'T FIT, NEVER QUIT!!!
Dear Vald.
I don't usually even bother with stories on the "New" side, but I gave yours a shot. And by gum am I glad I did! Keep up the good work my friend, your Snape rendition feels spot on.
Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.
4984320 Just for that, one more chapter tonight. Thanks for the encouragement!
4984317 Medic! It hurts!
4984331 Pain is weakness leaving the body, mein freund.
4984330
Dear Vlad.
My following feelings shall be represented by the great Bruce Cambell.
Sincerely Yours Truly, The Cake Devil
4984334 *dies*
4984382 And now...we feast.
4984387 *eats vlad*
More please
4984394 o bby
Omfg, I love this. My top two favorite fandoms. Harry Potter and MLP. //sCrEaMs WiTh ApPrOvAl// you have been approved by yours truly, Majestical Space Tiger.
This looks interesting. I like it XD I await with (im)patience the next chapter. =P
Pretty good!
Oh god... Alan Rickman in Poneland...
You need to work on channeling your inner Alan Rickman.
God bless Alan Rickman
Snape is in Equestria...
Really? Snape?
This is so incredibly retarded and strange.... I. MUST. KEEP. READING.
fantastic though it's rare that telling someone off by listing works that well, it's been used to much so it's usually best to be used in a school argument like fighting a teacher about your mark or even better the other way around
Can I just say that him saying, 'oh god I'm in America" made me laugh harder than it should have?
Is it odd I read that in Alan Rickman's voice?
...The boy had confronted the Dark Lord...Potter was most likely dead by now....
I can see it now.
Potter: Hello? My, what a strange world. Whoops, I'm being pulled back. That was quick....
4988549
no i do that to
allright one chapter in and that favorite has been earned. this is good. this is good.
"Oh look, Vlad made a story about Snape."
*reads title*
....Always, I want to be with you, and make believe with you, and live in Harmony Harmony Oh Love~
i like it already. keep it up and u just might get my fav.
Its, not it's
Me and Snape share more similarities than I thought.
Congratulations. You have just captured the American-Mexican border in 3 sentences. no, i am not trying to be racist here. i lived there.
I be frank I would prefer it if Snape had bigger impact on the plotline...
Typos (up to chapter 6)
Chapter #1
Whirling around to face the unreasonable pony, he began, "firstly, I gave you the hat as soon as you so..." his lip curled into a nasty sneer, "graciously asked for it's return.
- its return.
Chapter #2
She groaned, the chariot beginning it's descent.
-its
The chariot landed perfectly in the middle of the road, and it's two passengers hopped off.
-its
Chapter #4
Snape turned his head, causing the bird in his hair to flap it's wings and tweet angrily.
-its
Chapter #5
Good God, i's like trying to keep the attention of first-years
-it is
Returning his wand to it's rightful place, Snape looked down at the dragon with his usual cool stare.
-its
The bony, lumpy bed that had just voiced it's discomfort.
-its
Loving it, instant like fav pending
...ouch?
Ok, we're not that bad... well, maybe.
Really Snape, really?
You earned a favourite.
Oh goodness
HA!
HAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAH.
Wow. Your Snape thoughts and dialogue are just spot on. Nice!
Hah! Face it, Severus, your face is a dirty look
Remarks and corrections:
> Perfect... He thought, my eternal punishment is to be vaguely annoyed for eternity. Could be worse.
"he" should not have a capital letter, since it's a "s/he said" construction for the thought.
"My eternal punishment" should be the start of a new sentence. This should be reflected by ending the "s/he said" construction before it on a period, and starting the next quoted part with a capital letter.
> Bright...too bright.
Never connect two words with an ellipsis. It makes them not split correctly at the end of a line. Put a space behind any ellipsis you use. In fact, in some later pieces you actually connect sentences with ellipses. Sentences always need space between them, no matter the end punctuation of the first sentence.
> "...What?"
The italics seems to be wholly unnecessary on this, and at first made me think this was a thought that was surrounded with quotes by accident.
> Oh God I'm in America...
Should have a comma after "Oh God".
> "firstly, I gave you the hat as soon as you so..."
The start of a quoted spoken sentence should have a capital letter, no matter the surrounding construction.
> his lip curled into a nasty sneer
This is a new sentence, so it should start with a capital letter. The fact the quoted sentence is split doesn't change that.
> asked for it's return
"it's" means "it is". You need possessive here: "its". Whenever you're unsure, simply expand it to "it is" and see if it's correct that way.
Not to talk bad but I like this one much more than the one I was reading.
Aaaand I like it already.
media.giphy.com/media/qpY3WaRVVgT84/giphy.gif