• Published 9th Sep 2014
  • 2,828 Views, 171 Comments

Children of Equestria - Samey90



Diamond Tiara and Babs Seed did a lot of bad things in their lives. Now they have to deal with the consequences of their actions.

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Their Interrogations

The clerk in the Hoofington port’s office was an old mare sitting at her desk in the middle of a small, comfy office littered with papers. Front Kick sat on the chair in front of her. “Good morning,” he said. “My name’s Front Kick, from Ponyville Royal Guard. We’re looking for two suspects who may have hidden in one of the boats. I need to know if there were any, umm... incidents recently.”

“Well,” the clerk said. “Winter is a rather slow season for us. Just icebreakers and one boat with firewood to Baltimare, just yesterday.”

“Baltimare, you say?” Front Kick asked. “Did it come back?”

“Not yet,” the clerk replied. “According to the schedule, it’ll come back tomorrow.”

Front Kick nodded. “Who’s its owner?”

“Let me see...” The clerk took a large book and opened it, looking for something. “Its name is ‘Rotten Herring’ and its owners are Apple Fritter, Lavender Fritter, and Trixie Lulamoon.”

“Thank you,” Front Kick said. “If we need something more, we’ll contact you...” He stood up and left the office.


“I checked the owners, boss,” Chocolate Donut said.

They were sitting in the cafeteria in the Royal Guard station in Hoofington. When Front Kick was looking at the modern building, he couldn’t get rid of a memory of the station in Ponyville, an old, smelly building with furniture remembering times when he and Riot Control were looking for the mysterious Sleepless Killer. This has to change, he thought.

“Apple Fritter and Lavender Fritter are sisters. Ex-farmers, they’ve never been accused of anything. Trixie Lulamoon used to be a travelling magician. I think you remember her, boss...” He gave Front Kick a piece of paper with a mugshot of a unicorn mare.

“Charged with assault, casting dangerous spells, and kidnapping the whole town.” Front Kick nodded. “Released, since she was under the influence of the Alicorn Amulet. Princess Twilight Sparkle herself testified that...”

“They settled in Hoofington, since it’s Lulamoon’s birthplace, bought that old piece of junk three years ago, and ship goods to Baltimare and back,” Chocolate Donut explained. “No drugs, no smuggling, all the papers in order. They hire a captain, a pilot, three ponies to carry all the stuff, three stokers and a griffon bodyguard. I checked her. Two years in jail for assault and battery. Do you think Seed could know her?”

“We’ll see,” Front Kick replied. “Our friends in Baltimare were informed to check that boat. Once it’s back, we’ll interrogate the crew. By then, we’ll talk with the owners – maybe they know if one of their workers used to live in Manehattan?”

“I’ll check it,” Chocolate Donut said. “Do I have to talk with all of them?”

“No, one will do... But not Lulamoon – she knows how to talk with the guards...”


The first days after Hearth’s Warming Eve were rather slow and Button Mash hoped that he’d be able to catch some z’s while pretending to work at his shop with comics, action figures, and role-playing games. Most of the ponies who were interested in those already got what they wanted and were home, enjoying their newly-acquired gadgets. Unfortunately for him, just when he arranged the items on the counter in such a way that he couldn’t be seen by the clients and sat in his armchair, the door opened.

“How can I help you?” he asked automatically, getting up. At first he didn’t notice anypony in sight. Then, a blue earth mare appeared next to him, startling him.

“Hello,” she said. “How are you?”

“Fine, thanks. You’re Archer, right?” Button asked.

“Yes,” Archer replied. “You know, I’ve heard from Scootaloo that you have a shop here and I wanted to check it out.” She smiled. “And I’m looking for some nerf crossbows. Scootaloo’s getting pissed when I shoot crossbow at home, you know...”

“I can imagine,” Button muttered. “We have some right there.” He pointed at the shelf.

For about ten minutes, Archer was checking out various crossbows. Button decided to go back to his armchair, but when a foam bolt whistled past his head and knocked the Mane-iac plushie off the counter, he suddenly felt more awake.

“I’ll take this one,” Archer said, walking to the counter. “By the way, how’s Sweetie? Haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Sweetie?” Button asked. “She’s... okay, I think. She’s going to be recording her new album soon.”

Archer nodded. “Yeah, long distance relationships suck...” she muttered. “Had a guy in Vanhoover, you know. Once I got a bit drunk with some cute, little painter... Canterlot’s full of those. She wanted to show me her pictures. Didn’t get shit from them, but... Well, you may guess what happened...” Archer chuckled. “Turned out, she lived in Vanhoover earlier. Had a painting of my coltfriend in her kitchen. Found it while making pancakes in the morning... Can you believe that?”

“Well... That’s an interesting coincidence,” Button muttered, looking around as if he was looking for an escape route. “Sweetie and I...”

“Sweetie and you what?” Archer’s ears perked up. “You know, I broke up with my coltfriend right after that. With her... well, three months later.”

“N-nothing,” Button replied. “We’re fine, thanks. That’ll be forty bits.”

“Thanks,” Archer said, resting her hooves on the counter and getting close to Button. “And one more thing... How often do you see each other? I was visiting my coltfriend every month, but it seems it was too rare...”

“Well, I only see Sweetie when she’s in Ponyville,” Button replied. “I don’t really go to her shows... I have to work, you know...”

“Yeah... Too bad,” Archer said. “See you, Button.” She put the crossbow in her saddlebags and trotted out of the shop before Button could say anything.


Scootaloo landed in front of Carousel Boutique and stretched her wings. Even though she loved flying, cold days like that one were discouraging her from it. She trotted to the door and entered the boutique, taking off her aviator hat. For a moment, she thought that she’d have to give it back to Archer one day.

“Hello, Scootaloo,” Rarity said. “What do you have there?” She winced. “You know, if you want some new cap, I can make it for you. This is just...”

“No, thanks,” Scootaloo interrupted her. “It’s not even mine. And I really like it...”

“It’s impossible that you don’t have your own cap!” Rarity exclaimed. “It can’t be like that...”

“I just wanted to talk to Sweetie Belle,” Scootaloo said. In fact, she had quite a few winter caps. She’d simply borrowed Archer’s aviator hat once and never gave it back. Archer never protested anyway.

“Sweetie’s upstairs,” Rarity said. “She’s preparing to leave.”

“Okay, thanks.” Scootaloo trotted past Rarity and went up the stairs. She stood in front of Sweetie’s room door and knocked.

The door opened, revealing a room littered with dresses, coats, scarves, sheet music, and various other items. In the middle of it stood a large travel bag. Sweetie Belle was standing behind it, looking at the mess in her room. “Sorry,” she muttered. “It fell when I used my magic to open the door.”

“No problem,” Scootaloo said, entering the room and trying carefully to avoid stepping on something. Sweetie levitated some heavy box that flew past Scootaloo’s head and landed in the travel bag. “Geez, it seems like forever since we’d last met and now we’re going to part again...”

“Yeah,” Sweetie muttered. “I barely see you... or Button, for that matter.”

“Really?” Scootaloo asked. “I thought he visits you when you’re on tour... I think I saw a photo...”

“What photo?” Sweetie turned to Scootaloo. Her magic faltered and a dress almost slipped from its grasp.

“Of you and Button, after some show,” Scootaloo replied, smiling innocently.

“Oh yeah, that one.” Sweetie nodded. “In the corridor leading to a backstage? Yes... That was the only time he saw me singing...”

“Too bad he doesn’t have more time...” Scootaloo said. “Rumble at least visits Canterlot quite often...”

Sweetie looked at the mess in her room. “Sorry, Scootaloo, but I really have to pack it all... But I’ll go to Sweet Apple Acres later and we’ll talk more before I leave...”

“Okay, no problem,” Scootaloo said and left the room.

Before she left Carousel Boutique, Rarity gave her a really nice wooly cap.


Apple Fritter’s carriage arrived at the Royal Guard station in Hoofington exactly at half past three. Looking through the window, Front Kick saw two almost identical yellow mares. One of them, with a green mane, talked for a moment with the second, whose mane was lavender, and trotted to the building. Apparently she told her sister not to wait for her, since the carriage rode away.

Two minutes later, Apple Fritter was in the office the commander of the local guards lent to Front Kick. “Good afternoon,” she said, looking around nervously. “Did ya call me?”

“Please, sit down, Ms. Fritter.” Front Kick pointed at the chair. “I wanted to ask if you haven’t seen anything strange while checking the boat before it left to Baltimare?”

“Ah haven’t checked it,” Apple Fritter replied. “We trust our crew in that matter. Maybe Trixie did it, since she stayed in Hoofington during Hearth’s Warming Eve. Lavender and Ah spent it with our family in Ponyville.” She sighed. “Not the best Hearth’s Warming Ah remember. My cousin apparently murdered somepony...”

“Wait... Babs Seed is your cousin?” Front Kick looked at Apple Fritter more carefully. He realised that Apple Fritter’s country accent indeed was similar to Applejack’s, though a certain Hoofington drawl could be heard in her voice.

“Yeah... We’re second cousins once removed,” Apple Fritter replied. Seeing his expression, she continued, “That is, I’m the granddaughter of Granny Smith’s brother. Babs’ father, Apple Seed, is my second cousin.”

Front Kick decided not to delve into it. “Have you... seen her after the murder?” he asked.

“What?” Apple Fritter exclaimed. “Ah’m not like that. Ah’d never help her. Ah barely ever seen her, y’know.” She leaned closer to Front Kick. “Just between ya and me, Ah always knew she’d end up like that. Tangerine’s blood. It’s Babs’ mother... Looks the same, talks the same... Raised both kids to be spoiled bi– brats.”

“We’ll check that,” Front Kick said dryly. “Can you tell me something about the crew? I’ve heard that one of them was in jail...”

“Ah still can’t understand why Granny liked Tangerine so much...” Apple Fritter muttered. “The crew? No, Gilda’s good... for a griffon, of course. Ah personally chose every single worker... Except of Feather Duster. It’s some relative of Trixie’s... Poor girl... She’s over thirty and she wouldn’t find her way outta paper bag.”

Front Kick nodded. “We’ll talk with them once they’re back,” he said. “Until then, I want you and your sister to not leave the town...”


First thing Scootaloo noticed after landing in the snowy orchard was a snowpony standing next to an apple tree. At the first glance, it looked like a normal snowpony. However, when Scootaloo came closer, she saw a piece of paper pinned to its side, with “Totally Innocent Bystander” written on it in a messy hoofwriting.

“You’d better move outta here, cousin...” Archer’s voice was coming from behind her. Scootaloo took off, deciding that watching the scene from above would be safer.

Apple Bloom jumped from behind an apple tree with a stick in her hooves. She stood on her hind legs, aiming the stick at the snowpony.

A foam bolt flew between the snowpony’s ears and hit Apple Bloom’s chest, causing her to lose balance and fall on her rump. Archer spat the nerf crossbow out and laughed.

“I’d watch out,” Scootaloo said, when Apple Bloom got up and joined them, laughing. “One day you’ll aim too low and your Totally Innocent Bystander will become Totally Dead Bystander...”

“But it’s not this day!” Archer exclaimed, picking up her crossbow. “How was Sweetie Belle?”

“She’s packing her stuff,” Scootaloo replied, looking at Apple Bloom unsurely. “What’s for supper?”

“Ya want to eat supper already?” Apple Bloom asked. “Archer wanted to show me how to shoot a snowball off my head...”

Scootaloo shook her head. “Archer, didn’t you hear that those toys are for foals who are older than three?”

“You’re no fun, Scootaloo...” Archer chuckled. Scootaloo, however, noticed that her eyes focused on her and her muscles tensed.

“Well, my sense of humour was brutally murdered with your casserole...” She paused seeing that Apple Bloom froze. “What’s wrong?”

“Babs,” Archer replied.

Apple Bloom nodded. “Ah still can’t believe she did that... She knew she’d go to jail for that... And still...”

“We can’t understand that either,” Scootaloo said. “But she can’t hide for long... Soon we’ll catch her...”

“Yeah...” Archer muttered. She gave Scootaloo a meaningful glare and looked at her crossbow. “You know, AB, if we’re gonna shoot the snowball off your head, you’ll need some glasses or something... You know, it’s all fun and games till somepony loses eye...”

“Ah have goggles in my room,” Apple Bloom said. “Ah can look for ‘em.”

“That’d be great,” Archer replied. When Apple Bloom went to the farmhouse, Archer went closer to Scootaloo. “How was Sweetie?” she asked.

“Strange,” Scootaloo said. “At first she didn’t know about any photo, but when I said that it was Button with her, she quickly said that it was the only her show Button attended.”

“That’s indeed strange.” Archer scratched her head with a crossbow. “Because the cutie says that he’s never been to any of her gigs. Also, I had a feeling that he felt uncomfortable around me...”

“Archer...” Scootaloo shook her head. “Everypony feels uncomfortable around you... Especially Button.”

“Hey, I was nice to him!” Archer exclaimed. “He seemed more uncomfortable than usual. Reacted poorly to long-distance relationships. If you ask me, I’d say that there was somepony aside from his Daring Do in her Crystal Cave, if you catch my drift.”

Scootaloo winced, which convinced Archer that she caught her drift. “Are you sure? You know... I don’t feel comfortable thinking that about my friend...”

“Our deduction says so,” Archer replied. “Seems that Apple Bloom’s coming... Don’t you want to shoot it?” She raised her crossbow.

Scootaloo smirked, for a moment forgetting about Button and Sweetie. “Sure...”


Chocolate Donut looked at the griffon in front of him unsurely. He had nothing against griffons, but he felt that any jury would imprison her for ten years for her expression alone. She glared at him angrily and lit up a cigarette. “You don’t mind,” she stated rather than asked.

“Ms. Gilda, right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Gilda replied, blowing smoke into his face. “What do you want?”

“Do you know a pony called Babs Seed?” Chocolate Donut asked, trying not to cough.

“Who? Never heard of her. Maybe she was in jail with me?” Gilda shrugged. “No idea. All those cunts there were the same. I don’t remember their names.”

“She killed at least two ponies in Ponyville and Canterlot.” Chocolate Donut showed a photo of Babs Seed and Diamond Tiara to Gilda. “They may travel together. Have you seen them?”

“This little shit looks familiar...” Gilda muttered, looking at Babs' photo. “Manehattan, three years ago. I had nothing to do with what was going on there at that time, by the way. I ran away from there after my friends disappeared and then pigs shot my cousin. She was on the news. Never seen her, though.”

“How about the other one?” Chocolate Donut asked.

Gilda inhaled the smoke, tossed the cigarette butt into the water, and looked at Diamond Tiara’s photo. “No idea.”

“Okay... Have you seen anything strange on your way to Baltimare?”

“Nothing stranger than a burst pipe. Also, that retard, Feather Duster was going bonkers. She disappeared on the way back here,” Gilda said. “I still don’t know what to say to the boss. She liked that shithead.”

“Who’s Feather Duster?” Chocolate Donut asked.

“One of the stokers,” Gilda replied, rolling her eyes. “A dirty, drooling moron who couldn’t even manage to get to the toilet in time. Only thing she was good at was shoveling the coal.” She shook her head. “To think about it, she seemed to be afraid of you guys. But who knows what was going on in her brain... I think she went out at night to have a wank and drowned. We wanted to call you just after reaching Hoofington, but you came to us first.”

“Thank you,” Chocolate Donut said. “Don’t leave town until we check that.”

Gilda whispered something that sounded like “fuck you” and flew away without even looking at him again. Chocolate Donut only shrugged and left the boat to tell Front Kick about what he’d learned.