• Member Since 24th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

The Mystery Fluttershy Fan

https://www.paypal.me/TheMysteryFluttershy like ponies. Used to write clopfics. Now I'm more into reading them, out loud on Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZPSFR1pl9nMtJYzWAaQA_w

Comments ( 57 )

Well..because it's fun?

Why the b*** did They tell so much?!:flutterrage:

"Apple blood is home alone"... Who tell that to stallion?!:fluttershysad:

And why did she say to Ask apple bloom, she sould't be aloud to talk to stangers:rainbowhuh:

Not sure why i clicked this...not sure why I read this...plz not applebloom

well he is gonna be a mangled mess.

His reminds me of sweet apple massacre

Did... Did you really just censor buck? That's not even a curse word. The whole point is it's a stupid substitute for fuck. Censoring it defeats the whole bloody purpose.

I started this hoping for a clop not a cliff hanger before anything happens

4967317 You need to highlight to see what's in it. This is because I personally prefer to be surprised. I'll make this clear in the description.

4970056 Sorry, maybe that's why I have so many dislikes :(.
Sex coming soon.
I plan to release the first couple of chapters nearly daily, since they are already written in a sense. This was a RP log.

4967318 It's a kink of mine. I keep my boyfriend in a cage sometimes XD.

I'm slightly disturbed but interested in that

I tried to get the next chapter up today, but didn't meet my time limit. Best leave it until tomorrow and take my time polishing it.

Why so many dislikes :applecry: cause I was a tease with the first chapter?

Guy gets what he deserves I hope he loves his new position a slave to his jailhouse master

The description is so tantalizing, and the kinks pique my interest. After that, it would be disappointing not to see some rape-y goodness. Don't get discouraged by downvotes! I'll read as soon as I can privately enjoy the story. 'Til then, please keep at it!:rainbowdetermined2:

4977052 You're welcome. That first chapter is a great start. So much anticipation! :applecry: A few more hours and I can read the next one.

I think it should be made clearer that the protagonist thinks Apple Bloom is cute. That didn't come across very well, I don't think. :derpytongue2:

two major inaccurracies. this is what would happen.
A- "Applebloom, realizing her danger at last, screeches, and charges for the wall, busting straight through it with her earth pony strength."
B-"He didn't have time to think. Before he knew it what felt like steel hammers hit his side, sending him flying. the last thing he sees is an orange blur and a shriek of rage.."

Don't now if I should upvote or downvote that story.
The problem is not really the plot, but how you tell the story....

I just find it really flat and the interaction between the MC and AB totally unnatural.
Ok, since the first chapter we know the MC is a foalcon somewhat deranged, but his menaces are void, AB is not really scared, and sincerely even if I was in her situation I would be just confused, thinking 'Is this guy serious ?'

With the characters tags, I suppose AB reaction is 'normal' but like I said, I find all interaction flat and void.

A do that, B react.
A says that, B react.
A menaces, B do not really care
A order, B execute

Ok, sometimes AB 'resist', but it doesn't feel like it at all.

Another point is that you describe the MC like a pedophile but it is just a description, I don't know if you didn't say he was I would just see that like very odd 'rape'. Even the rape doesn't feel like it.

In the end I would say the story as potential but it needs a lot of improvement to make it more alive.
I'll wait for other chapters before I see if I continue reading and/or vote.

EDIT: Ok, I read the first chapter comment.
I understand why it's like that then, I thought it was written like a RP...
I still think you should fictionalize it more than that.

Upvoted. I did like the rape and humiliation, but death threats (or threats of mutilation) are a turn-off for me. I didn't mind that AB was compliant the whole time and okay with being humiliated, but the only form of manipulation the first-person uses is threats, and that just feels like a cop-out to me in most cases so that a rapist (or writer) doesn't have to think very hard. If this were a bang-and-go, then I might understand the threats, but the first-person obviously likes AB more than just as a one-time deal. I dunno, maybe it's my sleep deprivation talking.:pinkiecrazy:

lol love that ending you did better this time and i can't wait for another. I'm not complaining when i say this but he didn't have to be so nasty. If he didn't slap AB around and piss on her i would be perfectly fine with either her running off with him or him just constantly visiting and getting some.
And no one would find out til later which gives you plenty opportunities to build suspense and more story building. Also as "Flutterpony" said in the comment bellow i really wasn't on board with all the death threats i understand why he said it but i was a bit too much. But, over all i liked it and i don't really like like a lot of stories.

4985557 It's just starting, this is going to be novel length like My Little Slave was. Thanks for the feedback everyone, both positive and negative.

Those that are saying they are out of character, the next chapter might change your mind.

It will be done on Saturday at the latest.

..................... considering how protective applejack is of applebloom, this would have ended with that guy through a wall.

Wow...I like it. Not a bad story so far.

4995218 Thank you, it helps to know ponies appreciate it. :pinkiehappy::yay:

well ok then that was intresting please do more

I actually like the way this started. Everyone in Equestria is just so damn trusting, and all of a sudden this depraved stallion shows up to take advantage of it.

Well, it's nice to know that if people still have a grudge against Redblood even after reading "My Little Slave", then this will be the perfect story for them to read

5000584 but my little slave was awesome

4971750 Probably because of the foalcon, but I do sorta like it...However, I loved My Little Slave and spent at least 2 weeks reading it. I forgot to favorite it, though. I'll go and do that now :raritywink:

Comment posted by Aurelien deleted Feb 17th, 2015

soooo applebloom has her cutie mark here

I take little lick and wince at the taste. I had expected it to taste better, I had seen too much porn. "Gurgh." Surely it would taste better from Applebloom. But then again I'm probably only fantasising that it would. Psychologically though I'm sure I would let a foal sit on my face forever.

I sense big drama to come as well as more foalcon. I'm loving the story. :ajsmug:

Well now I know what foalcon is. I shouldn't keep reading but I'm going to. Wish me luck.

Well that was certainly something. Probably gonna end up reading the rest of it.

MOAR!! Give me moar!

Woah cool! How'd you do that thing in the descripton?! :rainbowhuh:

I never knew Foalcon was THIS bad. What am I saying? It's foal rape! Of course it's that bad! :rainbowlaugh::raritycry::pinkiecrazy:

Yeah I read My little slave, only I stayed up all night to read it. Foalcon in my opinion isn't that- who am I kidding!!! Of course it's bad!!! Can't wait till finished...... For some reason:twilightblush:

I have no idea what will happen next chapter so surprise me:pinkiegasp:

............ AJ dominating the stallion..... Wow, you really surprised me there!!!!!:moustache::twilightsheepish:

10/10!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not bad!!! Still kept the Master and pet thing but added something new to it... Like this book almost more than My little slave, almost:moustache:

Is there goint to be a chapter 6??

I'm guessing they used white text color.:pinkiehappy:

Cue the Law and Order: Special Victims Unit theme here..

Amma read s'more.. :applecry:

but ah really hope ya'll get yer-self gelded bah the end ah this here tale.:ajsmug:


Who are you kidding?:applejackunsure: They won't even be able to identify your remains.:ajbemused:

and speaking of you and your you lapsed several times talking as if the audience is Apple Bloom. Case in point-

"Yes pet" I laugh as I decide to screw with your mind. "I want to make you pregnant, I need to cum down your throat to do it"

which by the way brings up another technical issue. Applebloom can't be that dense regarding sex. She lives on a farm. She has to know the basic mechanics just by watching the farm animals. I have a hard time believing even Applejack with all her overprotective tendencies could shelter a filly so much that she doesn't even know how a male and female reproduce.

if nothing else she at least has to know Rooster fuck chickens and chickens lay eggs.

she must be humoring you. You know letting you have your little moment of bravado before you die.:raritywink:

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